Original subtitles

Mornin' campers.

You will not believe who's comin' to Kikiwaka.

It's not my principal, is it?

'Cause I was kinda supposed to be

in summer school this whole time.

No. And legally speaking, I did not hear that.

It is world-famous actress, Melody Chapman.

Whoa! The Melody Chapman?

Why would she wanna come to a hot, bug-infested...

Uh, little slice of heaven like this?

Well, turns out, she's shooting a new movie about summer camp,

and she wants to come shadow me for research.

Wow, Lou. How'd you pull that off?

Well, as president of the Chapmaniacs fan club,

I may have sent a few hundred e-mails begging her to come,

and she finally agreed.

Despite the intense objections of her security team.

Wait, is she that girl

from those silly Witch School movies?

Um... [CHUCKLES]

The only thing silly about the Witch School movies

is that they only made nine

when they had the material for 35.

I seem to have touched a nerve.

Melody is gonna love me. We already have so much in common.

For instance, she once did a movie with Brad Pitt,

and I once cooked a pig named Brad

over a pit.

I can't wait to show her what camp is all about.

Uh, are you sure?

Because Chef Jeff's menu for tonight is

Platter of Splatter.

That reminds me, I need you and Finn

to go over to Camp Champion and get vegetables

from their garden for dinner.

Why can't we use our garden?

Too dangerous. The raccoons started using carrots as swords

against the rabbits in the cutest,

bloodiest little turf war you ever did see.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Lou, when does Melody get here?

I don't know. I hid a tracking device

in the smart watch I got her for Christmas,

but her security team found it.

They'll never find the microphone in her earrings though.

Well, when she gets here,

I want to discuss my passion for cleaning up our lake with her.

She could spread the word to her millions of followers on social media.

Why can't you just use your own followers?

As much as I love them,

the feedback on my page is

mostly Grandma Baker typing, "This is a test post."

Look, I know you're just trying to help the environment,

but I don't think Melody wants any campers

or counselors bothering her while she's here.

Well, if that's how you wanna be,

then I humbly submit my resignation as camper.

Great. You can go stay with Junkyard Judy.

I humbly rescind my resignation as camper.

Wise move.

[SIGHS AND GROANS]

Hey, what's the matter, Destiny?

Just your standard girl asks camp director

if she can get a movie star

to spread her environmental message,

only to be completely shut down.

[SCOFFS] Been there.

Maybe I can talk to Melody for you.

No. Lou said Melody doesn't want any campers

or counselors bothering her while she's here.

Then I won't be a camper or a counselor.

I will disappear into character

and I will speak to her.

You really think that'll work?

Of course. I'm a great actor, same as Melody.

Only difference is people pay her to do it,

and people tell me, "Sir, this is a water park.

"If you're not gonna use the slide, get down."

Okay, let's do it.

Great. I'll go get my tights.

[SIGHS] Just wear pants, man.

Okay, when we get to the Camp Champion garden,

I'll keep watch while you pull up as many vegetables as you can.

Or we tunnel under the garden and pull them down.

That's how it works in cartoons.

You know, the amount of cartoons you watch

really explains why you tried to paint a white stripe down that cat.

Whoa.

What is that?

You think it's a door to a cartoon rabbit's house?

No. No, I do not.

Let's open it.

BOTH: Ooh.

It looks like a small room of some kind.

[CHUCKLES] Let's check it out.

Huh.

It appears to be some kind of survival bunker.

Which they never dust.

How gauche.

Oh, no! The hatch is locked. We're trapped.

[SIGHS] What are we gonna do?

I guess we wait.

What time do you think cartoon rabbits get home from work?

Finn...

Six.

Lou, no matter how hard you scrub,

the boogers are not comin' off. I've tried.

Okay, I haven't tried 'cause gross.

I just want everything to be perfect for when Melody gets here.

But now she's gonna know that Dylan hearted Megan,

then Dylan hearted Heather, then Dylan hearted Sam.

If only Dylan's feelings were as permanent as the marker he used.

Hiya, friends.

I'm looking for Lou Hockhauser.

[GASPS] Sweet groundhogs in gravy.

Melody Chapman, I love you. I mean, I am you.

I mean, I am me. I mean, I am Lou and I love you...

[HIGH-PITCHED] And why didn't I just say hi?

Lou, it's okay. I get that a lot.

But I'm just a normal girl who puts her pants on one leg at a time

with the help of a team of stylists, same as everyone else.

Well, welcome to Camp Kikiwaka.

I'm Ava, one of the counselors here.

Nice to meet you. This is my first time at summer camp.

Is it true that you guys make

tiny sandwiches with chocolate and marshmallows?

Yeah. They're called s'mores.

It's not real chocolate.

See, we have old tires that...

Okay, Ava.

Don't you have some counseling to do

far, far away from us? [CHUCKLES]

No, not really.

Gosh, I'm just so excited to be here.

I spend all my time on movie sets, so I don't get out a lot.

I've already been pooped on by a bird. [GASPS]

I feel so alive! [CHUCKLES]

Well, Melody, you and your new bestie, Lou,

should take a little tour of our home away from home.

Oh, can Ava come, too?

My character in the movie is actually a camp counselor,

so it would be great if she could teach me some tricks of the trade.

-Me? -Her?

By her, do you mean me? [CHUCKLES]

Of course.

Just how alive are you lookin' to feel?

'Cause at this point,

our zip line is mostly old shoelaces.

Well, I guess I rented that tandem bicycle

for nothing. [CHUCKLES]

This is amazing.

[CHUCKLES] The trees, the fresh air.

And what was that game those kids were playing where they kick the ball?

Kickball.

[CHUCKLES] Genius.

Lou, there's an emergency

in the kitchen. I need you right away.

You see, Melody, when the campers have a problem,

they always come to me, and only me.

I need Ava, too.

Well, you could've said that before I got all smug about it.

Come on!

Ooh! [GASPS]

A pole with a ball tethered to it.

I wonder what this game is called.

Greetings, random pedestrian.

I am Doctor...

Professor...

Scienceton.

And I am in the middle of an environmental crisis.

Nice to meet you. I'm Melody Chapman,

and I am in the middle

of this lawn.

I've come to warn you. Moose Rump Lake

has become extremely dangerous due to human pollution.

We need to spread the word before it's too late.

Oh, my gosh. How dangerous is it?

Does this fish with baby arms answer your question?

Not at all.

If we're not careful, this abomination could become the future of sushi.

[GASPS]

This is horrible! I love sushi.

Yes, if only there was someone

with the reach to warn people.

Someone with 160 million followers on social media,

for a completely random example.

Hey, I have 160 million followers.

What a shocking revelation!

LOU: Well, that was a waste of time.

Great Scott!

Destiny, in the future,

if the salt shaker is ever empty,

it's not an emergency. Just put more salt in it.

Got it. That's why everyone calls me Destiny

[IMITATING AN EMCEE] "Can't Fill The Salt Shaker" Baker.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] So, Melody,

did you learn any hard truths

while we were gone that you now feel the need

to share with the world?

Destiny, what did we talk about this morning?

[GROANS]

I'd be so out of here

if there was a hotel in this town that wasn't condemned.

[GASPS] Matteo, good news.

Uh, you found a way to open the hatch?

No.

I found this bag of Gopher-Peno Poppers.

Wait, we're trying to get out?

Look, a junction box.

That must mean the hatch is electronically sealed.

Let's start yanking on these wires.

That's how my dad fixed our car.

And now you can honk with the radio.

And what happens when you're wrong,

and you trap us in here forever with spicy rodent pieces?

We feast like kings!

Wait, uh, where does this go?

Hey.

This was probably connected

to whatever opens the hatch.

Ah-ha!

This computer must be our way out.

[CHUCKLES] Good thing I'm a master of technology.

We'll be out of here in no time. [CHUCKLES]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Loading.

Okay, maybe a little time. [CHUCKLES]

As you can see, Melody,

arts and crafts is the bedrock of summer camp.

Didn't you also say that about scrubbing barnacles off the kayaks?

We got a lot of bedrocks.

Here, bonds will be formed.

Edible jewelry will be made.

Dylan will break up with Heather.

Sam will break up with Dylan.

Tears and macaroni will be spilt.

Or if arts and crafts isn't your thing,

you can just put on these bad boys,

and look really interested while actually being

fast asleep.

What? I made them in here.

Ava, that is... So cool.

Say what now?

Yes. The character I'm playing is a bit of a rebel.

See, she's a city girl who got into some trouble,

and was ordered by the court to do community service

as a camp counselor.

That was me last summer.

Well, I wasn't court-ordered, I was mad at my mom,

but I grew as a person, yada-yada-yada,

and I became the goddess you see before you.

Oh, my gosh, this is so perfect.

Hey, Lou, maybe I should be shadowing Ava instead,

she's more my character.

Shadowing her? [CHUCKLES]

Cool, cool. [CHUCKLES] Ava, can I speak to you in private?

We are getting a little off track here.

She's supposed to be shadowing an expert,

and you've only been here for two summers,

and you've apparently spent most of that sleeping.

Oh, I see how it is.

Excellent.

So, you can excuse yourself and I can take it from here.

Melody, Ava has something she would like to share with you.

Isn't that right, Ava?

Yeah. Turns out that

Lou cleared my schedule.

I don't have to do anything else

other than hang out with you.

Yay! This is so great.

Lou, you're the best.

Now, come on, Ava, I want you to teach me everything about camp.

Like, who is Simon,

and why does everyone do what he says?

Noah,

Melody still hasn't posted

about the lake. What happened?

I'm afraid Doctor Professor Scienceton failed you.

I'm sorry.

Professor Scienceton?

Doctor Professor Scienceton.

Albert Scienceton didn't spend eight years in science medical school

to be disrespected by a non-Doctor Professor.

Noah, if we're going to get Melody to help us,

we have to go bigger,

and you need to come up with

a less ridiculous character.

I've got it. Gil Fishington,

cyborg marine biologist.

Oh, less ridiculous. Got you.

The touch screen's broken.

[CHUCKLES] This was made before touch screens were invented.

See that blinking cursor?

We need to type in a command.

So, we have to use a keyboard?

Like cavemen?

These computers are pretty simplistic.

So, I'll type in a rudimentary inquiry.

Matteo, are you sure you know what you're doing?

Maybe we should look for some kind of instruction manual.

That's what my dad always says before he just gives up

and pays the neighbor kid to do it.

Finn, I got this.

I'm going to try

"Hatch release."

AUTOMATED VOICE: I'm sorry. Did you mean

"Launch release sequence?"

Well, this is a lot of attitude

coming from something with the computing power of my electric toothbrush.

If you're going to be pedantic about it, computer,

then, "Yes, launch the release sequence."

AUTOMATED VOICE: Location?

Uh, well, we're in "Moose Rump."

AUTOMATED VOICE: Sixty-second missile launch sequence has begun.

Target, Moose Rump.[ALARM BLARING]

Uh-oh. [SHUDDERS]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Sixty, 59, 58...

Matteo, you're about to launch a missile?

Uh, no! Uh, but...

I don't think so.

But am I?[SIGHS]

You oversized calculator, stop!

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Missile launched.

No!

What happened?

We just blew up Moose Rump.

We?

And that is how you set up a proper campsite.

All we have left to do is stake the tent down so it doesn't blow away.

Pro tip, if you can trick other counselors

into doing this for you,

you can go into town and buy ice cream.

I'm sorry, what?

Lou! Ava taught me how to set up a chair

without an assistant.

[CHUCKLES] I didn't like it.

What are you doin' here, Lou?

Oh, I just came by to see how you were doing

making a campsite, and I'm glad I did.

That tent is way too close to that fire.

See, I normally like to roast hot dogs,

but I see Ava prefers to roast campers.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES][GASPS] I got a message.

Happens all the time when you're super-important.

Uh-oh, it's from Doomsday Doris.

Um, who's Doomsday Doris?

She's one of our many colorful local crackpots.

She lives across the street from "Flat Earth" Fred

and Spaghetti "Controls the Weather" Wendy.

Apparently, Matteo and Finn

locked themselves inside of Doris's survival bunker.

Poor guys. Are you gonna go let them out?

No way. If they're in there, they're staying out of trouble.

Speaking of trouble, that tent needs to be staked down

or else it's gonna blow away.

I was just about to do that.

Oh, I'm sure you were, and I was just about

to start getting eight hours of sleep

and drinking less caffeine.

[CHUCKLES] See how we can lie to ourselves?

Wait. You really don't believe in me at all, do you?

Oh, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is we should

tear down your campsite and re-do it the right way.

Well, you know what? You can do whatever you want,

because I'm out.

You're not gonna be seeing me again today.

Come on!

I'll get it.

Knock, knock.

AVA: I can't hear you. I'm in the basement.

Ava, I wanna apologize.

I'll come upstairs then.

The truth is, I was jealous.

I wanted Melody to base her character off of me

because I'm her biggest fan.

Don't know if you knew that.

Oh, I know. Last year you tried to have yourself mailed to me.

And it would've worked perfectly

if I hadn't been stolen off your stoop by porch pirates.

Gotta admit, the disappointment in their eyes hurt a little.

Ava, I never meant to make you feel like I didn't believe in you.

You didn't?

No way.

Ever since you've gotten to camp,

you exceeded all of my expectations.

And that is saying something,

because as my Woodchuck successor,

I set the bar sky-high. I mean,

I was so great, and won so many awards, and...

This is not about me.

Ava, you are a great counselor.

Thanks, Lou. It means a lot.

Well, I really mean it.

Hey, why don't we both show Melody what camp is all about?

That way her character can be an expert and a rebel.

Deal.

Oh! This is so touching.

[GASPS] I should have them write this into the script.

Right now, my character feeds

the camp owner to one of the dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs? In camp?

This movie sounds... Amazing.

Okay, we can't just sit here

while everybody else is out there.

We have to get back to camp

and see if there are any survivors.

But how? If we go out into the blast zone,

we'll melt like a microwave inside a microwave.

Don't ask how I know that.

Wait, oh, we can use these hazmat suits.

They'll protect us from the fallout.

Although, the cut of these things will not be flattering.

Still like my chances of pulling it off though.

If we're gonna save anybody,

we have to get out of here first.

But how?

Dad, send home the neighbor kid.

I'm gonna make you proud.

No, Finn, don't![GRUNTS]

[GASPS] The hatch is open. It worked.

Finn, I'm sorry.

If I just listened to you in the first place,

we would've gotten out of here earlier.

And we wouldn't have incinerated a small town.

It's okay, Matteo.

But stop saying "We."

[BOTH COUGHING]

Ugh! What is going on?

Oh, I knew I never should've bought Chef Jeff that air fryer.

Mound of Brown is only meant to be cooked one way.

Low and slow.

Attention, everyone!

A man-made disaster has taken over our camp!

The lake is on fire.

But I'm not gonna rest until it's put out

or my name isn't Blaze Hotstone.

"Blaze Hotstone?"

I'm the fourth generation of Hotstones to fight fires.

My great-great-grandmother, Ember Hotstone, put out the Hindenburg.

Noah?

Uh, right. Oh...

No, another environmental disaster

caused by humans.

We polluted our lake so much,

it caught on fire.

This is exactly what Doctor Professor Scienceton was warning us about.

I have so many questions.

So, Blaze Hotstone,

would it help if someone warned the world

about the dangers of polluting our waterways?

Perhaps in an informative,

yet easily digestible social media post?

Uh, just a spontaneous thought. [CHUCKLES]

Yes, it is our only hope.

Something must be done. Our planet is on fire.

I knew it!

[SIGHS] It was me.

I blew up Moose Rump.

Oh, what hath my hubris wrought?

Oh, lordy, it's gettin' dumber.

We have to get back to the safety of the bunker.

Everyone, follow me.

Actually, the bunker is kind of small.

Some hard decisions are gonna have to be made.

Okay, knock it off. Nobody is in any danger.

And you two donuts didn't launch a missile that destroyed Moose Rump.

-We didn't? -No.

You played a video game called Missile Control

in Doomsday Doris's survival bunker.

And by the way, she does not appreciate

you wearing the hazmat suit that she was married in.

Whoops. Sorry, Lou.

But if we didn't launch a missile,

then where's all this smoke coming from?

I'm gonna guess from those smoke machines behind Grizzly Cabin.

Wait, so there's no fire?

[SIGHS] No.[CRACKLING]

Actually, yes.

One of the smoke machines just burst into flames.

Fire? Fire?

It's everyone for themselves! Out of my way!

[SCREAMS]

I'm beginning to wonder if Blaze Hotstone

is a real firefighter.

Okay, all the smoke has cleared.

Although, there's a small cloud

still lingering over the septic tank.

Eh, don't worry, that's always there.

Melody, I'm so sorry

for trying to trick you into posting about the lake earlier.

It's just that cleaning it up means so much to me.

And I wanted to get my message out to a larger audience.

Don't be sorry. I love using my celebrity to promote great causes.

Why didn't you just ask me for help?

Well, someone told me you wouldn't want

anyone bothering you.

Finn and Matteo tried to blow us up.

Anyway, I would love to post

all about your polluted lake.

People need to know about that six-legged fish before it's too late.

Maybe I should help you with the wording.

Phew. Bravely saving everyone

from that fire worked up quite the thirst.

Wait, Blaze Hotstone?

What are you still doing here?

Oh, no, the fire burned your beard off.

Actually, that's Noah.

He's one of our counselors, and an actor.

He also played Professor Scienceton.

[COUGHING] Doctor Professor.

Whoa! You were both of those characters?

I had no idea.

You have to have a part in my movie.

Seriously?

You can just do that?

[CHUCKLES] Watch this.

[LINE RINGING]

Hey, Billy boy, how are the kids? Great, great.

Listen, I have a fresh face here,

little green, but perfect for what we need.

Give him his own trailer, double scale,

and if the studio gives you flak, tell 'em I'm not doing any press.

[LAUGHS] Bill, baby,

you're a doll. Love to Ariel.

Whoa.

What? I may not know a lot about camp,

but I've been working in Hollywood since I was two.

[GASPS] Ooh-hoo! Anyone else want to be famous? This is fun.

I'm gonna be in a movie?

I'm gonna be in a movie!

What am I gonna be in a movie?

I got you the part of the camp chef

who gets the time machine working.

[GASPS] Time machine?

Yeah. How do you think the dinosaurs show up?

BOTH: I cannot wait to read this script.

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