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1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:07,181
Ahh, the perfect night
for the Smith family picnic.
2
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:11,272
I always feel so fancy
walking into a gated community.
3
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,795
Our community, Mom.
4
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,231
We're property owners here.
5
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,798
Hustle up, guys.
6
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,626
If we want to picnic
on the family gravesite,
7
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,584
we need butts on blankets
by sunset,
8
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:20,803
and we've only got...
9
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:24,502
one fist... of time, I guess.
10
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,243
Still don't know
how people do that.
11
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:29,681
Wow!
The view up here is amazing.
12
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:31,553
It better be.
13
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:34,556
It's the swankiest neighborhood
in the whole cemetery.
14
00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:38,081
Can you imagine being buried
down there by the restrooms?
15
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,997
That's where the runoff
from our bodies ends up.
16
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,087
And you know we're getting the
leakiest coffins money can buy.
17
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,741
[woman crying]
18
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,699
Papa, what is this?
19
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,093
Who is this dark weeper
on our land?
20
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,878
Babe, isn't that
our forever home?
21
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:56,143
Hey, all our plots are filled.
22
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,101
- What gives?
- KLAUS: Phew.
23
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:02,149
Mine still looks normal.
24
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:04,542
All right, I think I may know
what happened here.
25
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:07,502
Little while ago, I sold
our plots for some quick cash.
26
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,939
I was planning to buy them back
before we needed them,
27
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,115
but apparently, someone's family
28
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,943
had to go and walk
into a mass tragedy.
29
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,119
Yeah, our family!
30
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:19,122
Dad, my grave was
the one nice thing I owned.
31
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,732
How could you do this?
32
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,561
To buy the sweet Sea-Doos
we'll all be enjoying.
33
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:26,129
Soon as I sell a few things, get
some quick cash for a trailer.
34
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,262
But who wants Jet Skis?!
35
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,133
We want our graves!
36
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,589
Hey, there's a lot of pressure
that comes
37
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,658
with being the decision-maker
in the family.
38
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,573
Not every one of them
is gonna be a home run.
39
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,271
Stan, fix it.
40
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,316
How?
This looks like a done deal.
41
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,665
Just fix it!
42
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,102
Let's just get out
of here, okay?
43
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,166
I can't listen
to this shit anymore.
44
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,452
How recent was your tragedy?
45
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,759
Like five minutes ago?
God!
46
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,110
[patriotic music plays]
47
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:52,938
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
48
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:56,725
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
49
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:59,989
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
50
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:03,949
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
51
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:09,651
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
52
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,522
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:12,915
Aah!
54
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:17,485
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
55
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:20,096
♪
56
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,708
Whoa.
Is this God's office?
57
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,407
God wishes.
The cemetery owner's.
58
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,017
Okay, when we get in there,
59
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,801
I want us to be prepared
for the worst.
60
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,542
We may need to take
a worse plot.
61
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,370
You messed this up, Stan.
62
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,024
You go fix it.
63
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:37,809
TEDDY: Entrée!
64
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:42,205
Wh... You're not Postmates.
65
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,642
Postmates?
Aren't you roasting a pig?
66
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,644
Oh, this?
I just like the smell.
67
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:50,082
Oh, you're a guest, then.
I love guests.
68
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,041
Take a look around.
Whiff the pig.
69
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,869
I have all the right
and good stuff.
70
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,653
Here.
Touch this old thing.
71
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,829
Can you sense
its temporal immensities?
72
00:02:57,873 --> 00:02:59,309
Uh-huh.
I wanted to talk to you
73
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,529
about buying another plot
for my family.
74
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,226
- See, we ran into a...
- We're full.
75
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,054
- What?
- The cemetery.
76
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,317
It's full up, I'm afraid,
ever since Gwyneth Paltrow
77
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,537
mentioned us as her favorite
summering cemetery
78
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,452
in an article on Goop.
79
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,081
BOTH: 10 Places to Be Buried
Before You Die.
80
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,368
Yeah, I get the newsletter.
81
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,457
Everyone was begging
to get in after that.
82
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,459
I made millions.
83
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,070
Ooh, do you want to watch me
ride a penny farthing?
84
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,246
I'll need a boost.
And a push.
85
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,640
Uh-huh. But there has to be
something left, right?
86
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:26,684
Please.
I'm desperate.
87
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,512
Well...
88
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:31,602
I have two spots here,
but you won't want them.
89
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,562
I'll take anything!
Thank you.
90
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:38,174
I'm not leaving until I get an
eyeful of you on that high bike.
91
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,177
KLAUS: The plots are in
Pedophile Alley?
92
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,919
But this is only
for confirmed pedophiles!
93
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:47,052
And if it's only two plots,
how are we all gonna fit?
94
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:48,532
You can squeeze
with your mother.
95
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,467
The liver disease will
leave her rail-thin anyway.
96
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,667
- Preach.
- [zipper closes]
97
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,886
[chuckles]
I get this looks bad,
98
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,758
but I'm no sicko.
99
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,629
The cemetery pays me
to desecrate these graves
100
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,196
by peeing on them.
101
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,111
It's the only way
the city would sanction
102
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,721
a burial site like this.
103
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,984
Okay.
Take care.
104
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,160
Camembert, anyone?
105
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,379
What?
106
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,555
You always do this.
107
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:15,167
You make big dumb decisions
based on big dumb ideas,
108
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,952
and it ends up
hurting all of us.
109
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:17,953
I'm sick of it!
110
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,520
We're all sick of it!
111
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,348
Well, I'm sick
of all this criticism.
112
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,219
I'd like to see you
do any better.
113
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,743
We can't do any worse
than picnicking on pedophiles!
114
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,310
All right, then.
Be my guest.
115
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,704
My final decision
as family shot caller
116
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,010
is that you can all call
the shots from now on.
117
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:34,361
Fine. We obviously need
a new place to be buried.
118
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,319
- Agreed.
- Top priority.
119
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,496
But we need money because
Dad spent it all on Jet Skis.
120
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:40,280
[rustling]
121
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,325
[gasping]
122
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,761
[coughs]
123
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,633
One of my personas
is buried here.
124
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,025
You guys need money?
125
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,592
This place is making
a tidy profit,
126
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,768
and there's clearly
still a demand.
127
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,509
[sniffs]
Is that piss?
128
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,424
God, who keeps doing that?
129
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:58,341
Maybe this is crazy, but if
we opened our own cemetery,
130
00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:01,301
we could make money and give
ourselves the best plots!
131
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,563
Two birds, one stone.
132
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,913
More like one tombstone.
133
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,091
Tombstone.
134
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,355
Your first big decision
is to open a cemetery?
135
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,226
That is, without a doubt,
136
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,403
the dumbest idea
I have ever heard.
137
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,795
You need land for that!
138
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,145
Well, I think it's a great idea.
139
00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:21,843
And we already have the land.
140
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,279
The backyard!
141
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,933
No one ever goes back there,
anyway.
142
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,761
Steve, I apologize.
143
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,458
Your idea isn't
the dumbest anymore.
144
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,677
Your mother's is.
145
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,374
Well, I think it rules, Mom.
146
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,462
Me too.
147
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:33,898
Sure, or...
148
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,204
and this is just another way
149
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,988
we could make money
with the backyard...
150
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,469
poolside club.
151
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:43,255
We open up cabanas back there
and sell bottle service.
152
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,433
It's friggin' lucrative.
153
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,391
I went to Lindsay Lohan's
Beach Club
154
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:53,135
and paid $40 for a chicken
Caesar wrap that never came.
155
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615
And I loved it!
156
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,791
I tipped another $40.
157
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,880
But that's me.
I like to splash.
158
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,537
All right.
159
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,756
Well,
if your remission takes a turn,
160
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,125
- you have my number.
- [cellphone beeps]
161
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,847
Well, that was every
old person I know.
162
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,459
Every one, healthy as an ox.
163
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,679
Gosh, awfully dead around here,
isn't it?
164
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:19,204
I guess you could say
this cemetery situation...
165
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,486
Hang on.
I worked hard on this one.
166
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,946
I don't want you to miss it.
167
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,515
Remains grave!
168
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:29,040
Two puns!
Call me Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns!
169
00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,652
Francine?
170
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,175
Did you go in another room?
171
00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,482
Okay, we don't have
any business,
172
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:38,267
and that's not something
we can rub in Stan's face.
173
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,443
We just need some
outside-the-box ideas
174
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,706
for getting bodies
in the ground.
175
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,926
How did that other cemetery
make so much money?
176
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,928
Gwyneth Paltrow
bought a plot there.
177
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,670
Hey, what if we got
an even bigger celebrity
178
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,323
to buy a plot here?
179
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,891
Yeah, but who's bigger
than Gwyneth Paltrow?
180
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,632
I once saw a woman
bigger than her.
181
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,460
In the movie Shallow Hal.
182
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,375
But that turned out
to be her, too.
183
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,159
Let's each take
the rest of the day
184
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,161
to brainstorm some names.
185
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,382
[door opens, closes]
186
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,732
[door opens]
187
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:09,820
TOGETHER: Scottie Pippen!
188
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,648
And look!
189
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:14,172
He's coming through town
in a few days on a book tour
190
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,001
of his new Navy thriller,
Deep Danger.
191
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,525
Then it's settled.
192
00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:21,223
We need NBA Hall of Famer
Scottie Pippen
193
00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:24,487
- to save our cemetery.
- Do we, though?
194
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,837
I feel like we're really just
latching onto the first idea
195
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,448
out of the gate each time.
196
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,929
Maybe if we revisit
some other ideas...
197
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:34,932
Oh, my God, no one is feeling
your pool pub or whatever.
198
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,194
"Pool pub"?
199
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,283
It's a poolside club!
200
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,000
There's so much human fluid
in those things,
201
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,244
you can walk away pregnant
just by swimming through it.
202
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,028
So freaking cool.
203
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,466
You're talkin' a poolside club
back here?
204
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,032
Killer idea.
205
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,339
Thank you!
They won't listen.
206
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,385
They're so horny to get
Scottie Pippen instead.
207
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:56,040
They're getting Pippen
to save the cemetery?
208
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,173
Damn, that's
a really good choice.
209
00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:00,044
I never would have
thought of that.
210
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,090
Huh.
Maybe they're right about me.
211
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,048
Maybe I do make bad decisions.
212
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,355
Stan, do you think it's possible
213
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,923
that without the family around
to doubt you,
214
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,751
you're starting to doubt
yourself a little?
215
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:13,580
No way.
Then again, what do I know?
216
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,670
A second ago, I said I liked one
of your ideas, and I meant it.
217
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,299
I mean, that's gotta be
a red flag, right?
218
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,151
No, you were right to like it.
219
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,066
- My idea is special.
- [water splashes]
220
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,894
I gotta nip this in the bud.
221
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,723
My signature decisiveness
is who I am.
222
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,725
Just gotta make
one really great choice
223
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,205
and see it through to success
224
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,337
to get back up
on that confidence horse.
225
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,035
Oof.
"Confidence horse"?
226
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,471
Where did that come from?
227
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,560
I'm an idiot.
228
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,344
I can fix this.
229
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,651
Just one big decision
that everything can ride on.
230
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:42,826
That's all it takes.
231
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,786
And that decision is...
232
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,657
poolside club?
233
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,093
Is... Is that okay?
234
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,660
Are you really deferring to me?
235
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,096
Yeah, I think I am.
236
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,881
Then mount up, Stan.
237
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,884
Because I will be
your confidence horse.
238
00:08:57,319 --> 00:09:01,758
♪
239
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:03,543
More people than I thought.
240
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,980
It's fine.
I'm a cucumber.
241
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,852
Just get me close enough
to get a shot off.
242
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,375
I love you so much, babe.
243
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:11,768
You brought a gun?!
244
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,509
Jeff, you cannot
shoot Scottie Pippen.
245
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,860
But your mom said we need
his body to save the junkyard.
246
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,384
Cemetery. And we only need him
to buy a plot.
247
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:20,777
We just have to talk to him.
248
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,997
Next.
What am I signing?
249
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,000
With any luck,
an invoice for a coffin!
250
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,307
Mr. Pippen, have you put any
thought into your burial plan?
251
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,135
Mm, I have been meaning
252
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,660
to get my affairs in order
for awhile now.
253
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,663
Well, we have a gorgeous
little cemetery
254
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,857
we'd love to show you some ti...
255
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:38,839
Okay.
256
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,797
Oh, right now?
Great!
257
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,625
This little guy's not with you,
is he?
258
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,279
He's got a bad energy.
259
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,760
He's all sweaty
like we're on a date.
260
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:49,284
This isn't a trick date
with this dude, is it?
261
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,374
[chuckles] Don't worry
about me, Mr. Poppins.
262
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,725
I was just nervous from before
about killing you.
263
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,164
Do you really have 11 siblings?
264
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,992
How did you guys
go to the movies?
265
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:05,300
Is the Olympic Village
really just one big sex pile?
266
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,694
How many feet high are you?
267
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:11,611
Was the set of He Got Game
really just one big sex pile?
268
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,221
I'm sorry if my family
269
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,136
seems a little starstruck,
Mr. Pippin.
270
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,529
We're all huge fans of yours.
271
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:20,358
I'm gonna be honest with you.
My book sales are down.
272
00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:21,597
That's why I agreed
to come here.
273
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,971
So, you'll buy a plot?
274
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,668
I can do better.
275
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:29,106
What would you say
to burying me here tonight?
276
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:32,588
Everybody make up
their damn minds!
277
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,808
My publisher thinks
I'll sell more books
278
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,200
if I fake my own death.
279
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,116
I'd get a chance to make
the best-sellers list,
280
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,554
and you'll get to lock in
a celebrity here forever.
281
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,600
I would just need to lay low
with you for a while.
282
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,776
So what do you say?
283
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:50,562
Goodbye, Scottie Pippen.
284
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:53,653
And hello, savings!
285
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,743
While other cemeteries may ask
an arm and a leg for burial,
286
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,875
our family business
believes your limbs
287
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,007
should be buried with you.
288
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,443
Unless they were lost
289
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,098
in an industrial accident
or something. Ha.
290
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,231
Down here at Sweet Surrender,
we got deals to die for
291
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:10,626
and burial sites
for every taste.
292
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,497
From water features
293
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:15,457
to lush greenery,
294
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,894
we got it all, basically.
295
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,505
And we're excited to announce
starting today,
296
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,899
the only thing lower
than our prices
297
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:26,773
is the body of NBA champion
Scottie Pippen!
298
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,735
He's dead.
299
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,477
So come on down
to the best little cemetery
300
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,045
in Langley Falls,
Sweet Surrender,
301
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,438
and spend eternity
with Scottie Pippen.
302
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,266
Who is, as we just proved,
303
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:45,226
dead now.
304
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,097
When did you get a TV in here?
305
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,839
Um, around the same time
as the whiteboard.
306
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:53,756
Oh. Okay.
Back to work.
307
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,281
Now, we need a theme
that's going to scream cool,
308
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,370
unique, exclusive.
309
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,590
Good luck
topping this one Stan...
310
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:04,506
A Night to Remember.
311
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,073
What do you have?
312
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,771
World War I Christmas Truce.
313
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,599
It's bad.
I hate it.
314
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:13,471
Hey, buddy, come on.
I like it.
315
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:16,126
I'm putting it on the board,
I like it so much.
316
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,475
But we'll just know
in our hearts
317
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,129
that we're doing mine, okay?
318
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:20,827
Menu items!
Hit me.
319
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,133
Cream-top lasagna?
320
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,788
[gasps]
Did you say spiked soft-serve?
321
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:26,920
- Did I?
- Yes!
322
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:30,053
Adult ice cream.
I love it.
323
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:33,100
We'll call it hard serve.
What do you think?
324
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,492
I don't know.
325
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,146
Great.
It's settled.
326
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,975
Now, suspenders
for the bartenders.
327
00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,064
I personally like
the denim ones.
328
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,892
The kind with the buckles
at the tops
329
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,068
and they're, like,
part of the pants.
330
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:46,678
- Overalls?
- No!
331
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,245
Stan, your ideas are terrible!
332
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:49,681
Okay.
333
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:52,467
Denim suspenders locked in.
334
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,990
Moving on.
335
00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:56,819
We're sorry for your loss.
336
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,822
But take comfort,
your grandmother's coffin
337
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,564
will be touching
Scottie Pippen's for eternity.
338
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,566
It's all she ever wanted.
339
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:07,569
Cha-ching!
340
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,092
Boy, I thought the commercial
341
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:10,920
might help move the needle
a little,
342
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,748
but to fill up in one day?
343
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,315
Wow.
344
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,317
And to think, all these people
345
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,536
wanted to buried next to me,
346
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,191
world-famous novelist
Scottie Pippen.
347
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:24,064
[sniffs] Oof.
And they're starting to stink.
348
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,563
We should maybe come up
with some sort
349
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,110
of a refrigeration system.
350
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:30,244
No time. We've got a lot
of bodies to prepare.
351
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,376
You know, we could just
put up the headstones
352
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,204
and dump all these in the pool.
353
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,728
Seal it over with concrete.
You mean a mass grave?
354
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,601
Yes! Thank you, Steve,
for putting words to my idea.
355
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,560
I love all the support and
positivity without Stan around.
356
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,301
Where's Dad been lately?
357
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:47,565
And we should have a very chill,
very bored hot lady
358
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,524
in a glass case behind the bar.
359
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,656
[sniffs] Ugh!
What's that smell?
360
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,442
That's the sweet smell
of success.
361
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,139
Take a whiff, Stan.
362
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:59,099
The dumbest idea
you've ever heard worked.
363
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:02,232
Best of all,
we did it without you.
364
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,407
How does that feel?
365
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:04,495
Bad.
366
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,064
Well... good.
367
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,284
- Dad, are you okay?
- He's fine.
368
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,025
You have to get these bodies
out of here.
369
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,504
Stan and I are doing the bar
370
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,637
- in the backyard idea.
- You're what?
371
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,136
And the health inspector
is coming tomorrow
372
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,858
- to give us the all clear.
- What?!
373
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,685
I can barely believe it, either!
374
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,513
This has been a dream of mi...
Ooh!
375
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,254
How dare you!
376
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,690
Sabotage!
377
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,779
This is a new low, Dad.
378
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:30,086
Yeah.
Eat shit, sad guy!
379
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:34,656
Admit it, you knew a health
inspector would shut us down.
380
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:37,528
You don't care about
Klaus's stupid thing.
381
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,879
You just want us to fail.
382
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,489
Dad, you want us to fail?
383
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,012
I don't know.
384
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,319
If I do, I'm sorry.
Probably.
385
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,798
At least I think I'm sorry.
386
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,235
Klaus, what am I?
387
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,890
You're on the clock!
Let's get to work.
388
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,109
Look, you've got
your stupid thing going on,
389
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:55,242
and Stan and I
have my good thing,
390
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:57,374
and they are separate things.
391
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,724
Now, stop distracting
my employee.
392
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,639
He has napkins to fold!
393
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,511
And make it snappy, Stan!
394
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,817
This isn't Easter brunch
at the White House!
395
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,645
This is a place where
people will have sex
396
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,430
in the port-o-potties!
397
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:14,087
♪
398
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,871
I thought I would
hate doing this,
399
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,046
but it's actually giving me
400
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,179
some exciting ideas
for my new novel.
401
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:21,094
Thank you!
Just leave 'em by the door.
402
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:27,839
Yeah, just like some really
good plots for my new novel.
403
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,147
Fine.
404
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,149
What's your new novel about,
Scottie?
405
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:36,413
The President.
On a submarine.
406
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:39,286
How does any of this make you
think of any of that?
407
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:40,591
I don't know.
408
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,202
But you can picture it, right?
409
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,682
"That's not just an order,
radar guy.
410
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,554
It's an executive order."
411
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,991
It's getting a little backed up
in here!
412
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,080
When can I start
rouging these guys?
413
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,213
It takes however long
it takes, Jeff!
414
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,997
How did you even
get on makeup duty?
415
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,217
'Cause makeup's my passion!
416
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,045
Wow.
417
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:02,352
Who hasn't been listening
all these years?
418
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:03,788
[sobbing]
419
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,268
Come on, Frannie.
420
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,898
The health inspector
will be here any minute,
421
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,445
and this is still
our first burial.
422
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:11,144
[sobbing loudly]
423
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,059
I say we bury her with him.
424
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,104
I'll wait 30 seconds,
but then I'm filling it in.
425
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,540
We aren't gonna make it.
426
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,802
This isn't gonna work.
427
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:20,327
Thank God!
Can we quit now?
428
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,242
All this work
is honestly not worth it
429
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:23,939
just to prove Dad wrong.
430
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,158
[feedback squealing]
431
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,553
Change of plans.
432
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,164
Stan!
433
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:32,556
He's busy.
434
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,862
What can I help you with?
435
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,646
I need your club for the night.
436
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:36,996
Club Sweet Surrender?
437
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,606
I'll check availability.
438
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,913
I'm not renting it.
You're giving it to me.
439
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,307
You've got just as much to lose
as we do
440
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:47,049
if that health inspector
sees all the wrong kind
441
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,312
of hardbodies
at your little club.
442
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:53,273
Hmm, if what she says is right,
she might be right.
443
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,449
What do you want the club for,
anyway?
444
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:59,061
We're gonna Weekend at Bernie's
this bitch.
445
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,932
[doorbell rings]
446
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:03,065
Hey!
447
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,111
You must be
the health inspector.
448
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,808
The club's in the back.
449
00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:09,941
[dance music playing]
450
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:16,078
♪
451
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,341
Jet Skis.
Very cool.
452
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,212
I don't agree.
453
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,475
Okay.
454
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:28,134
♪
455
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,484
[water splashes]
456
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:31,659
[gasps]
457
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:41,930
♪
458
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,453
What are those back there?
459
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,585
Kickboards.
460
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,456
- Really?
- Of course.
461
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,112
In fact, I was just thinking
about getting some laps in.
462
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,115
[grunts]
463
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,116
Aah!
464
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,335
[water splashes]
465
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:58,338
See?
466
00:17:58,381 --> 00:17:59,948
Hmm.
467
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,342
Kickboards at a club...
468
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,560
are healthy.
469
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,040
[deep voice] Great shot!
470
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,607
[high-pitched voice]
Nice return!
471
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,696
[deep voice] How did you
get to that one?
472
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,874
What'll you have?
I'll take a cranberry juice.
473
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,790
So, any skeletons in the closet
I should know about?
474
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,487
[laughs]
475
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,012
Oh. Hello.
476
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:23,058
[gasps]
477
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,408
Janeane!
Who the hell is this?
478
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,454
You know I hate it
when you flirt with other men.
479
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:29,369
Now, shut up forever
and kiss me.
480
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,370
[exhales]
481
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,719
[inhales deeply]
482
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,332
[gulping]
483
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:37,681
- Whoo-hoo!
- [glass shatters]
484
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,640
Your club is sick,
485
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:42,425
and I mean that in the way
I think my son means it.
486
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,123
A-plus inspection.
487
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,342
That's great news.
Thank you for coming.
488
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,952
Ooh, and I'd love
to get the number
489
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,539
of that little lady
I met in the cabana.
490
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,521
I didn't catch her name,
491
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:55,569
but we didn't exactly do much
talking if yaknowwhaddamean.
492
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:58,659
Yes!
We pulled it off!
493
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,182
I don't understand.
494
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,315
I succeeded, but I don't
have my confidence back.
495
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,491
Well, Stan, it was more
of my success.
496
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:09,278
Stan, why did you try
to torpedo our cemetery?
497
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:12,412
Torpedo is a underwater gun.
498
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:15,328
You said we could decide things
for ourselves,
499
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,678
but when we did, you hated
that we were succeeding.
500
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,288
Of course I did!
501
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,290
You were all doing so well
without me, and...
502
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,292
I got scared.
503
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,686
I started thinking maybe you
don't need Ol' Stanny-Two-Puns
504
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,384
and his dumb decisions
to kick around anymore.
505
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,995
But I swear, I wasn't
trying to sabotage you.
506
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,606
Aww, Stan.
507
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:35,435
You're more than just
your decisions to us.
508
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:38,394
You're also the guy we get
to blame when they go wrong.
509
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:40,048
We need that.
510
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,398
Yeah, honestly,
that was a way easier system.
511
00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:46,010
Dad, we were sorta hoping maybe
you'd take the reins again.
512
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,491
But it seemed like things
were going so well for you.
513
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,077
You don't want to keep
doing your cemetery?
514
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,494
- We hated it!
- So many guts!
515
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,453
I think it's affecting
our groundwater.
516
00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:56,151
Well, I don't want to run
a club, especially with Klaus.
517
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,459
Because you don't want business
to ruin our friendship?
518
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:00,503
Was that an option?
519
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,940
Baby, we want you back.
520
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:06,205
But of course,
it's your decision.
521
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:07,858
I'll do it.
522
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,862
Now, what are you gonna do
with all these bodies?
523
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:13,299
Yeah, Dad, what the hell?
524
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,256
Don't worry.
525
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,300
I got this.
526
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,305
You sure you're okay with this,
Scottie Pippen?
527
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,133
You bet.
The sea will take care of me.
528
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,311
That's why they always
call me The Admiral.
529
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:27,704
- Wasn't that David Robinson?
- Who knows?
530
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:31,186
I will return when I have
written my next masterpiece.
531
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:37,845
See?
Not all my ideas are bad.
532
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,368
I got rid of the bodies,
533
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,588
and we can be buried
in our own backyard.
534
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,242
Two birds, one stone.
535
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,505
More like one tombstone!
536
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,637
[laughter]
537
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:50,161
Another all-timer, Roger!
538
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,728
Where do you come up with these?
539
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:54,122
My spectacular imagination!
540
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,298
What the ffff...
541
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,300
Have a great night!
542
00:20:58,350 --> 00:21:02,900
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