Original subtitles

Mirren: Life on this planet is a journey...

four billion years in the making.

And yet, look around you and realize

this endeavor has only just begun.

Bird: Has it, though?

A world of true wonders,

a sprawling canvas of endless possibilities.

And a home ‐‐ both welcoming and challenging ‐‐

to the billions of creatures who wander its surface,

each with their own distinctive perspective.

Warthog: I'm into feet!

Mirren: Now, we finally have the opportunity

to examine our humanity

through the lens of the animal kingdom

and take an unflinching look

at a complex and dignified world.

Sea Lion #1: Should auld acquaintance be forgot

Both: And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

I love doing karaoke with you.

Sea Lion #2: Make out with me.

Mirren: At long last, our distant past

will intermingle with the present

and share their secrets...

The natural world is full of quiet wonder...

...vast mountains forever in repose...

...oceans deep with mystery,

and trees,

which I think really tie the whole "earthy vibe"

of the planet together.

But this realm is also full of animals...

...our chittering, chattering chums.

So let us travel to the jungles of Argentina,

where a pair of curious monkeys

experiment with their surroundings.

Monkey #1: Don't you think we should turn the power off first?

I think Terry's touching the ground wire.

Jeff: Nonsense, all we need to do is just stick this

into this and...

Terry: Guy‐uy‐uy‐uy‐uy‐uy‐uy‐uy‐uys.

Did it work?

No, something's off.

Sometimes it takes a few tries.

Oy‐yoy‐yoy‐yoy‐yoy‐yoy‐yoy.

Do you smell that? Smells like burnt bacon.

Yeah, where's that coming from?

Aye‐ye‐ye‐ye‐ye‐ye‐ye‐ye! Gug‐ug‐ug‐ug‐ug‐ug‐ug‐ug!

Holy What did you guys do?!

It was Jeff's fault! Dude, come on!

Mirren: Just like us,

our wild cousins are social creatures ‐‐

constantly bumping into one another,

their lives intersecting in the most unexpected ways.

We watch these interactions with keen interest,

but we do not pass judgment ‐‐

that is reserved

for the sharp‐eyed North American Great Grey Owl.

Gladys: Hey, Sister Louise!

Yes, girl, that was a beautiful service!

Look at that gorgeous baby, looking just like his mama.

Sister Louise: Aw, thanks, Gladys!

Mm‐hmm.

He also looks just like Pastor.

Pastor got more secret babies than Maury got paternity tests.

Announcer: Smiles to your face.

Stabs you in the back.

She is Judgy Church Owl.

Oh, very impressive special effects!

What'd you spend, 30 bucks on that garbage?

Mirren: Animals are inherently itinerant creatures,

always on the move,

in search of fresh water,

shelter from the elements,

or just a good slice of New York‐style pizza.

Oh, none of that deep‐dish, Chicago‐style garbage.

And don't "at" me ‐‐ you know I'm right.

But a life of constant wandering

can leave one feeling untethered,

like this roaming herd of African elephants.

Deb: Where the heck are the Stevensons?

Cath: Last I heard they were on their way.

Oh! Speak of the devil.

Hi, yeah, Dave?

Where are you guys?

Dave: Uh, where are you guys?

We're by the water. It's beautiful!

Tell him we're by the birds!

We're by the birds.

You mean like bird bones?

There's quite a few skeletons around here.

Linda: I told you this wasn't right.

Kid: Dad, the sand is hot.

I don't think you're at the right beach.

Ours is the one with water.

Dave: Ah, got it.

Why are we turning around?

Linda: Because Daddy accidentally drove us

to the desert.

Because sometimes daddies are too proud

to admit when they don't know something.

We're on our way, Cath!

We'll be there in, uh...

About an hour and a half.

'Bout a half‐hour!

I see water!

That's a mirage, honey.

Dave, your son is hallucinating.

Mirren: The natural world is replete

with all manner of wild animals.

Vast and varied, there are more animals on our planet

than there are fish in the sea.

Hmm, not quite sure that makes any sense.

Full disclosure ‐‐

I'm kind of talking out of my butt here.

Nevertheless, this menagerie of life

can be distilled with brutal simplicity.

There are the hunters...

and the hunted.

Crane: Well, well, well, well, what do we have here?

Secluded entryway, no sign of any dogs,

no home security system.

Homeowner: Can I help you? Who, me?

Yes, the porch pirate looking through my windows.

Can I help you?

Porch pirate? Me?

That's rich.

Can I ask what you're doing?

Just, uh...goin' round, makin' the rounds.

Doing what, exactly?

Levels mostly. Checking the levels.

And what company are you with?

What company am I checking the levels with?

The, uh, uh ‐‐

And don't say "The Levels Company."

I wasn't going to.

I'm with "Levels, Incorporated."

Great, well, is there, like, a number I can call

or a website I can...

Oh, oh. no. That's too bad. You froze!

Must be a problem with my doorbell camera.

Totally. It's weird ‐‐

if the camera's frozen,

why are the trees behind you still moving?

I'm not a tree guy. I don't know.

I just work for Levels, Incorporated.

Well, now that we've cleared this up,

I guess it's time to let my two angry Rottweilers out.

Mirren: From the forests of Japan,

we take to the skies.

From this vantage, we spy a natural world

of order and patterns,

suggesting an unwavering confidence,

steadfast from the wisdom that comes

from millions of years of existence.

I mean, look at this mountain. She's seen some stuff.

Upon closer inspection, we see a wild, anxious world,

teeming with animals who share many

of the same insecurities that humans do.

We arrive in Guatemala

and turn our attention to the skittish wild turkey.

Announcer: And now, for another installment

in the adventures of

"Lanie, the Socially Awkward Turkey."

Tonight's episode ‐‐ "Party Fowl."

Lanie: Ugh! It's a party, Lanie.

Just laugh a little and join the circle over there.

What am I doing?

Who laughs like that? Am I a supervillain?

Normal laugh, Lanie. Normal laugh!

Wow, my God. Am I Popeye?

Did they hear me laugh like Popeye?

Oh, God, they did.

Quick, just do another laugh

that makes them forget the last one!

Why can't I be normal?

Announcer: Join us for Lanie's next harrowing journey

of social interaction in

"Crowded Elevator Ride of the Damned."

Mirren: As we journey through the realm of the animals,

we encounter a host of fascinating creatures ‐‐

each with their own unique world view.

The meerkat places great value on social interaction.

While the lone wolf, true to its name,

prizes the power of the individual.

And this hippopotamus believes that the moon landing was faked.

But there is one creature who holds a host of opinions ‐‐

and as we have already seen,

she's not shy about sharing them.

Gladys: Hey, Brother Jacob!

My, my, my. You sang up a storm with that solo!

The choir just couldn't keep up!

Brother Jacob: I sing

Because I'm happy

Mm‐hmm.

His voice is so bad, Pastor called for an exorcism.

Announcer: Two faces.

One bird.

She is...

Judgy Church Owl.

Ooh, look at how you distilled me down

into one narrow personality trait.

Bunch of lazy‐ass writin'.

Mirren: As we journey through nature,

we are struck by the scope of our surroundings ‐‐

the vast seas,

the towering mountains,

and deserts, which...

well, they just go on and on and on.

I mean, that's a lot of unused space.

Maybe someone should put a cute coffee place out there

or a tanning salon

or something.

Anyway, when admiring the sheer expanse of this world,

it can be tempting to forget about the details

hidden within the smallest of places.

The Green Orchid Bees of Mexico have a host of fascinating ‐‐

and tiny ‐‐ secrets to share.

Bob: Well, buzz me sideways,

I never thought I'd see somethin' like this.

Marty: What is it? What's going on in there, Bob?

Oh, Marty, you gotta see this. You are never gonna believe it.

What, let me see?

Wow! This is indescribable!

Everybody should get to see this.

I know, right?

Steve: What's going on here, fellas?

Bob and Marty: Get lost, Steve! You got it.

Bob: I need another look.

It's fascinating, this thing I'm seeing with my eyes.

Marty: I know. You sure you two don't need help?

I have tools in my ‐‐

Bob and Marty: Fly off and die, Steve!

Absolutely.

Actually, now that I get a closer look...

Marty: You're right. That looks incredibly dangerous.

I'm not going in. Me neither.

I'm staying right here.

Bob and Marty: Hey, Steve!

Mirren: Life on our planet is unpredictable,

free‐wheeling,

and abruptly changes course without hesitation.

Like one day, you're playing Ophelia

in the Royal Shakespeare Company's production

of "Hamlet," and next, you're introducing videos

of talking baboons.

Well, maybe that's just me.

But how we persist in the face of adversity

and accept our own futile attempts at control

defines both human and animal.

Bear: Who keeps Christmas decorations up this ‐‐

Whoop! Ah!

Loose branch there if anyone's taking down decora‐‐

Aah!

Alright, if I hold these in my mouth like this,

then twist these around,

and now we got a knot.

Oh, it's okay. I'll put 'em away tangled

and just deal with it after Thanksgiving.

Ooh. Come on, get down!

Let me just ‐‐

Get untangled, you stupid whimsical celebration of joy!

Aah!

You know what? I give up.

Happy Christmas in July, neighbors.

I'm going to the lake for a drink.

Mirren: Communication is a vital tool in the wild,

allowing animal groups to share information about threats,

food sources,

and ‐‐ one assumes ‐‐ the latest "hot goss"

about who's bonking who.

Whether by secreting pheromones,

trumpeting out a warning call,

or just updating their vegan food blog,

animals have myriad ways to share important news.

Diane: Welcome to "WNC News." I'm Diane Bonobo.

First up, Chief Meteorologist Murray Marshwater

is live on location with a look at our weekend weather.

Murray: Thanks, Diane. More wet days ahead

due to the remnants of Tropical Storm Kenny.

Now, we could see flash flooding between now and the ‐‐ Whoa!

Back to you in the studio.

Diane: Thanks, Murray. We've got some breaking news.

Noted predator Dennis Crab has been spotted.

Let's go live to the ocean floor.

Dennis: Stop following me. A‐Are you filming me?

Reporter: Mr. Crab, why are you running away from our cameras?

I'm not running away, I'm just not gonna answer

any of your questions. Just one question, Mr. Crab ‐‐

are you a predator?

What? Me? A predator?

That is the silliest thing I've ever ‐‐ Oh, here we go!

He's running! He's running! Let's go!

Mr. Crab! Mr. Crab!

We have you on tape eating literally thousands

of shrimp, fish, snails.

I think you even ate a clam once.

Are you honestly denying that you're a predator?!

But how can I be a predator

when I'm a just an ordinary... rock?

Ah, my mistake.

Nothing to see here. Back to you, Diane.

Diane: Thank you, Rick. That was truly some incredible

investigative journalism.

Coming up, humans ‐‐ can they actually speak?

And if so, what wacky things would they say?

We'll find out after the break.

Mirren: Our Mother Earth is a true natural beauty ‐‐

mesmerizing...

vibrant...

still got moves where it counts.

Earth really does look terrific...

...which is pretty surprising,

given how much time she spends in the sun.

The health of our planet is reflected

in her many children ‐‐

like the Purple Swamp Hen of eastern Asia,

who practice their own unique form of self‐care.

Bird: Time for my new audiobook.

Narrator: Welcome to "Meditation for Total Badasses."

You're listening to this book, so you must be a badass.

Yes, yes, I am a badass.

No, you're not!

Otherwise, you wouldn't need the audiobook.

Right, right. Sorry.

Badasses also don't say sorry.

Stand up for yourself, man!

You're right. Hey, I‐I don't think

you can talk to me that way.

Whoa, what did you just say to me?!

I'm sorry!

Don't say you're sorry!

Man, you're bad at this.

I'm starting to think, you know,

maybe I'm not a badass after all.

Maybe I have no business even narrating this audiobook.

No, you ‐‐ you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

You have a lot of amazing qualities.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Wait. I'm confused.

It's a pre‐recorded audiobook, but you can hear me?

Don't you ever question my methods!

I'm sorry!

Mirren: The natural world rises to greet us,

revealing itself not as some unfamiliar, alien landscape,

but as a faint echo of our own human society.

Take a look around and you spy recognizable figures ‐‐

the headstrong alpha...

the doting parent...

the jabbering, insecure clown.

Ugh, no, I can't come to your one‐man show

where you muse about your struggles with online dating.

You know, I‐I‐I've got a thing.

And in their realm ‐‐ as in ours ‐‐

you must choose your compatriots carefully,

as evidenced by the Rock Hopper Penguins

of the Falkland Islands.

Terry: That's it, man.

No, no, no, no, I'm outta here, okay?

I know when I'm not wanted.

Like, I don't need to take that kind of from anybody.

I deserve better than that. ...that noise.

Friend: T‐Terry, come on. Don't be like that.

Friend #2: Yeah, we're having a great time!

Terry: You guys are having a great time.

I am just getting crapped on!

All we said was "congratulations."

Dude, it's your bachelor party. Come on!

It's how you said it, okay?

I know you don't like my fiancée.

Dude, come on! I set you guys up.

She's my sister.

Well, maybe it's me who doesn't like her.

He's got some thinking to do.

We can still party, though!

Whoo! Yeah!

Shots! Yeah, shots!

Let's do some shots!

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Gladys: Hey, there, Sister Dana!

Your praise dance team was breathtaking today!

Sister Dana: Thank you, Gladys!

Take care!

Mm‐hmm. It's praise dancing, not pole dancing.

The Lord never said, "Let there be twerk."

Announcer: She's nice...

until she isn't.

She is...

Judgy Church Owl.

Oh, I love the way you announce my name.

Such a commanding voice.

Broke‐ass, dollar‐store, James Earl Jones knock‐off.

I heard that.

Mirren: We set our sights now on the fertile jungles

of South America ‐‐

one of the planet's densest ecosystems.

These cradles of life have evolved in tandem

with the animals who dwell there.

And no creature knows or respects

this delicate symbiosis

more than the spirited and ostentatious

Black Howler Monkey.

Damien: I'm Damien.

Raoul: And I'm Raoul.

And this is our playground.

We are...

Both: The Brothers Parkour.

A‐Are y‐‐ Are you recording?

Uh, yeah.

Are you getting me?

Yeah, dude, I'm getting you.

Alright, 'cause this is literally the most extreme jump

we've ever done, so I wanna, like ‐‐

Just do it already!

Okay, okay. Here goes.

Ah, man, this is high.

Parkour is life!

Oh, fiddlesticks! Oh, fiddlesticks!

Ohh!

Whoa, you did it!

With a one‐handed swing, too! Oh, did you see that?

Nice, bro, nice. Whoo‐hoo!

We're gonna get so many views for that one.

Everyone is gonna see that!

Oh, that was amazing.

How about we try one where you're wearing pants?

Cool, cool.

Wait. Why?

Mirren: As we've seen,

humans and animals share more than just a planet.

We share striking similarities,

we share some of the same hopes and fears,

and in some very rare cases,

we share bank accounts.

Hopefully, this sense of kinship will continue to flourish.

For you never know if you'll meet a new friend...

when nature calls.

Woodpecker: Okay, back her in, boys!

Tony: You gotta be kidding me.

Again with this racket?!

Owl: Do somethin', Tony!

Ptooey!

Hey, it's 6:00 a. m.! We're tryin' to sleep over here!

You gotta problem, take it up with de Blasio.

Ahhhhhh! I can't take it!

We gotta go somewheres peaceful, Tony!

That tears it, we're movin' in

with your sister Janice in Detroit!

Mirren: The beauty of this planet surrounds us all...

...enveloping us in its gentle majesty.

But do we take these many wonders for granted?

Baby Duck:

Babbling brook, my ass.

Mirren: As citizens of Earth,

we have witnessed the powerful spectacle

of roaring waterfalls...

...breezes whispering through lush jungle leaves...

...and the commanding crash of ocean waves.

But have we ever truly listened?

Our animal brethren are both cunning and wise.

Now they will share their stories

in their own voices.

Crane: I can't believe you drank six lattes.

Crane #2: Oh, it's fine. Caffeine barely affects me.

Oh, God! I feel crazy!

But in a really, really, really, really, really, really good way.

Like, I'm invincible or something.

I'll run a bunch of errands or something. I don't know.

But I do know that I feel great!

Mirren: Settle in and sit, in slack‐jawed astonishment,

as you hear what is revealed...

Andres: You're alone.

Whisper your darkest secrets into the wind.

I murdered my twin!

Squirrel: Andres, is everything okay?

Uh...how much of that did you hear?

Did anything come before the whole twin murder thing?

No.

Then all of it.

Mirren: Let us travel now to the arid desert...

a landscape as beautiful as it is punishing.

A dry, unforgiving climate,

but one where passion can still bloom.

And the speckled Namaqua chameleons of the Namib Desert

have found another way to attract a mate.

Victor: My name is Victor, and I am...

...The Tango General.

Stanley: Wow. You are the real deal.

Victor: Yes. Yes, I am.

Well, my name is Stanley,

and I'm here to learn the tango.

You do not learn the tango.

You live it! Whoa!

Are you normally this aggressive?

Yes! Where is your wife, Stanley?

She's home.

I'm trying to surprise her for our 15th wedding anniversary.

So, it shall just be you and I doing the dance of passion?

I hope that's not awkward for you.

Awkward is when your lover's lover

is also your wife's lover's lover.

Okay, so, super awkward then?

Mirren: Nature boasts a wealth of majestic animals,

their lithe bodies honed to physical perfection

by the rigors of survival.

Ooh, baby, break me off a piece of that.

But for every totally jacked meerkat,

there is a gluttonous sea lion,

a beefy bear,

or a rather sloppy moose.

Yes, over‐indulgence ‐‐ in all its forms ‐‐

can be witnessed throughout the animal kingdom,

and that includes the typically even‐tempered

Northern Sea Otter of Alaska.

Lisa: I freakin' love this song!

Jeffrey: I know, I know. I'm glad you're having fun,

but just try to keep it down.

I haven't been out of the house since I had the baby

and I'm having the night of my life!

Whoo!

Duck: Could you please lower your voice?

Duck #2: We can barely hear the music.

Lisa: What? Who do you think you're freakin' talking to?!

This is a rock 'n' roll show, bro!

Jeffrey: Lisa, no. We are not doing this, please.

I'm fine!

Those losers are the ones who suck!

Duck #2: Wow. You're really embarrassing yourself.

O‐Oh, you want a piece of this?

My husband will tear every one of you apart!

Go get them, Jeffrey.

She had a little too much wine! I am so sorry.

I'm not drunk!

I'm just having fun at a rock 'n' rolling show

like you're 'apposed to do!

Okay, okay. Let's get you home.

Jeffrey's gonna kick all your asses!

Can we go to a drive‐thru on the way home?

Mirren: The pure, unbridled joy of new discovery

is a cornerstone of childhood ‐‐

frolicking in an open meadow,

splashing in a mountain stream,

or tumbling into gaping holes in the earth.

Wolf cub: Uhh!

Mirren: He'll be fine.

I assume.

Well, let us travel to the jungles of Mexico

to visit with the Spider Monkeys

and witness the ebullience of youth in full display.

Baby: And then Aladdin goes, "Jump!"

And he jumps off the building and you, like, um,

he's gonna be hurt, but he landed ‐‐

he's landed and he's okay.

Dad: Uh‐huh. I know, hun. We just saw it.

Then there's this part where Jafar says,

"Your daughter will marry me,"

and the Sultan's eyes get all "Whoa‐oa‐oa"

and she, um ‐‐ Jasmine, she goes,

"I am not some prize to be won!"

Yep, I remember. The movie ended 15 minutes ago.

And then there's this song that goes, um, um,

goes, um, um...

Honey, honey, maybe don't sing and eat at the same time?

You're gonna choke. And I know the song.

And then there's a part where they get the lamp

in the Cave of Wonders,

but, um, Abu touches some gold

and he's like, "Uh‐oh,"

and then it's lava everywhere

and they're like, "Aah, no!"

And you think they're stuck forever, but, um...

Mm‐hmm, but the genie saves them.

Hey, how'd you know that?

Mirren: And now let us take a glimpse into the dark mysteries

and hidden threats that lurk beneath

the lush jungle canopy.

Announcer: And now, the continuing adventures

of "Nature Force Team."

When we last left them, Evil Doctor Wartzer

had Scott trapped in his dastardly death gunk...stuff.

Will Connie and Teddy be able to save him in time?

Or will they all perish?

What are you hanging around here for?

I said go!

Connie: I'm not leaving you!

Teddy: Neither am I!

Damn it, Connie! The world needs you.

You are my world.

Looks like the Nature Force Team isn't so powerful after all.

You'll never escape my dastardly death gunk stuff!

Teddy: Ugh, what is that stuff doing to Scott, you madman?

Let's just say everything it touches is rendered useless.

Everything?

Teddy: Everything?

What? Like, everything?

Dr. Wartzer: Everything.

Teddy: Oh, well, I'm just gonna try to help

from a higher branch.

Hey, Scott, listen, we had a good run.

Announcer: Tune in next week to hear Connie say...

Hey, Teddy.

Do you want to have coffee later?

Oh, come on!

Teen girl: Okay, ladies, I believe in us!

We can do this! Cheer squad forever!

Sean: If you lose your focal point,

you'll lose your balance, Bryan!

Bryan: Do not yell at me right now, Sean!

Teen girl #2: Stop fighting, guys, we have to work together!

Go, team! Melanie: Ow!

Jessica just stepped on my ponytail!

Teen boy: You should've worn a bun, Melanie!

Teen girl: Oh, my God, we're doing it!

Teen girl #2: It sucks our school doesn't have any teams,

then people could actually see us doing this.

Together: Yeah.

‐That is too bad. ‐Well, what are you gonna do?

Teen boy: You still should've worn a bun, Melanie.

Mirren: Animals in the wild must overcome dangerous pitfalls

on a daily basis,

whether they are evading a predator,

navigating a treacherous river crossing,

or just avoiding their cousin who keeps trying to get them

to buy into her essential oils pyramid scheme.

But as in human society,

it is often best not to tackle these obstacles alone ‐‐

a truism embraced by the Asiatic Black Bear

and his monkey compatriot

in the foothills of the Himalayas.

Bear: I checked here. I checked here.

I checked here. I checked here.

Oh, I didn't check here, but now I did!

I checked here.

Isn't this awesome?!

Monkey: Yep, I'm so glad you took me to an escape room

for our anniversary.

I know, right?!

Yes, instead of a quiet, candlelit dinner,

we're searching for a magnet that'll open a box

to find a key that'll unlock some other dumb thing.

Anything under here?

Nope, just another dead end!

Oh, gosh, escape rooms are fun!

Then you're gonna love

the next mystery ‐‐‐ who escapes this relationship first?

Huh?! What?! D‐Did you say something?!

Nope, just looking for clues...

as to why I didn't marry my high‐school sweetheart,

Jeff Bezos, when I had the chance.

From mountainous expanses of Nepal...

...we plunge deep into the waters

off the coast of Newfoundland.

Here, we see that even down below,

an animal society has its own set of rules ‐‐

and punishments for those who break them.

Master Sergeant: I want you to eat ship, boys.

You will continue to eat ship

until you learn the meaning of respect!

You will eat ship, you will keep eating ship

until I get tired.

Or one of you can swim forward

and confess to this prank right now!

Wash‐out recruit: I quit! It's too hard!

And before you misjudge my reaction to your little prank,

I'll have you know that I possess a fine sense of humor.

Hell, I even enjoy the existential banter

of "Calvin and Hobbes."

But luring your commanding officer

into an online relationship

by posing as an attractive female catfish,

well, that's not a prank.

In fact, there's a name for that kind of deception,

which currently escapes me.

Recruit: I thought it was hilarious.

Recruit Lee, have you lost your appetite?

Recruit Lee: No, sir!

Still eating ship, Staff Sergeant!

Mm‐mm! That's what I like to hear!

Eat ship, boys.

I want to see those ship‐eating grins.

Well, what do you know ‐‐

I just got another friend request

from a fetching young lady.

Sounds like Sarge has still got it.

Mirren: We leave the briny depths

of the eastern Atlantic Ocean

and return to other, even choppier waters

off the coast of Alaska.

Let us see once again how our outspoken friend,

the Northern Sea Otter, is faring.

Lisa: Oh, back for more, huh?

Look, I'm a mom, okay?

I work hard. I play hard.

Jeffrey: Honey, please, we already got kicked

out of the concert. Just have some of this water.

No that

You said we're gonna get me to go get waffles.

I want waffles, I want sausage, and I want waffles.

Hey, you, gimme a plate of waffles.

Valet duck: You are disturbing the other guests, ma'am.

Security duck: Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Lisa: Don't you call me ma'am. Give me my waffles.

Jeffrey: Lisa, honey, those aren't waiters.

It's a valet and a security guy.

We haven't left the concert parking lot yet.

You're all just jealous!

Valet duck: Geez.

Oh, now it's on, vest boys, you pieces of

Okay, okay, let's just get you in the car.

She's okay.

I'm gonna throw up, I don't care.

I went to the rock 'n' roll show and had fun.

I hate this minivan. Yep, here it comes.

No, no, no.

Mirren: Let us leave our otter friends for now ‐‐

and don't worry, I checked, she's not driving.

As we look around, we realize that the sheer scope

of life on this planet can be almost overwhelming.

A seemingly endless parade of wild creatures

in every imaginable size,

shape,

and color ‐‐

except for penguins, which to me,

look, you know, pretty interchangeable.

But aside from the boring‐ass penguins,

the natural world contains such stunning variety

that it can be dizzying to keep it all straight.

Charlie: I'm your host, Charlie Heston,

and it's time to play... "Same Bird, Different Bird"!

That's right. Now, Leslie.

Leslie: Huh? Yes?

Is this bird... Yes.

...the same or different...

Uh‐huh.

...from this bird?

Oh, no.

And the clock starts...now.

Uh ‐‐ Same!

No! Yeah. Different!

Wait! Same! Right?

Or...different?

And your time is up!

Aw, man!

The correct answer is...

that's the same bird... Oh!

...by which we mean the same species of bird...

Um, right. ...but a different individual bird

than the first one.

So I win!

I'm sorry, you do not.

Seriously, what the hell?

That's right ‐‐ simple game,

needlessly complicated rules!

See you next time on...

"Same Bird, Different Bird"!

Wolf: Where did I put that perfume sample?

Ugh, I know it's around here somewhere.

Ah, oh! Aha!

I knew forgetting to cancel this subscription

would come in handy someday.

You are not ‐‐ I repeat, not ‐‐

gonna scare off another date by smelling like butt.

Oh, that's right, this time, you're gonna smell

like daffodils and fairy dust, baby!

Ow, ow, owwww!

Hoo‐hoo! But obviously, if I meet someone

who likes the smell of butt, I can always wash this off.

Mirren: The world is populated by a multitude of creatures...

all with different temperaments and personalities ‐‐

some challenging or alluring,

while others are downright annoying.

Aaaaaah!

Like when my producer Jerry ‐‐

who I'm looking at right now ‐‐

keeps mouthing along

as I'm trying to read my voice‐over script.

Jerry: I'm sorry. Was I doing that again?

Yes, you were, Jerry, and it's quite off‐putting.

We travel now to Angola, where a pair of Colobus monkeys

encounter a rather unique personality.

Monkey: Hey, does that guy over there look, uh, stuck?

Monkey #2: Stuck?

Yeah, stuck. Like he's...stuck there.

I'm gonna see if he needs help.

Ugh, male ego makes me cringe. I‐I can't watch.

Hey! You stuck?

Who, me? No, no, no, no.

Not stuck at all.

You look stuck!

Not stuck. I am totally fine.

He's stuck. Fully stuck.

You sure you're not stuck?

Nope! Just, uh, resting.

That's how you rest, with everything...hyper‐extended?

Yeah, it's actually better for you.

Most people don't know that.

Where are you going?

I'm leaving before he hits on us.

He's literally stuck and embarrassed right now.

You honestly think he's gonna hit ‐‐

You two come here often or what?

Why do I ever doubt it? Why?

Mirren: Another journey through the living world,

with all its variety and wonder,

draws to a close.

Yes, the achingly intricate ‐‐

Lisa: Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Jeffrey, check out the lady with her big, fancy words.

Uh, excuse me?

Look, I'm a mom, okay? So ba‐‐ back off.

Jeffrey: Lisa, honey, don't insult Helen Mirren.

I can insult whoever I want.

And you know what, Helen Mirrens?

I thought your performance in "The Queen" was over‐rated.

Uh, excuse me, you listen to me, you greasy ocean ferret.

This is my house, and I will wreck you.

You hear me? Put me on the record,

take back the Academy and the Emmys.

Ohh, it's on.

No, let me out of this voice‐over booth.

Jerry: Helen, please, calm down.

It's just a drunk otter.

Don't touch me, Jerry!

Yeah, that's what I thought! That's what I thought!

Jeffrey: I am so sorry, Ms. Mirren.

You're all just jealous.

That was unfortunate.

Now...where was I?

Ah.

Another journey through the living world,

with all its variety and wonder,

draws to a close.

Yes, the achingly intricate tapestry of wild animals ‐‐

You know what? I'm still so jacked up

after that drunk otter stepped to me.

I've ‐‐ I've just gotta walk this off.

So please just join us next time,

and remember to listen closely...when nature calls.

Jerry, I want to know where that otter comes from.

What lake? I'm going there.

I've got frequent flyer miles. It's no problem.

She'll see me.

Anastasia: Hey, YouTubers!

It's your favorite drag queen, Anastasia Labeijia!

And today, I'm showing you a fierce makeup tutorial.

Right now, I'm applying foundation.

Beat that face to the gods, divas!

We're serving Dunkin' Donuts' powdered Munchkin realness!

Ahh! Get into it, honey!

Roommate: LeRoy, hurry up in there.

I need to use the bathroom!

I'm making a video!