Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

[waves crashing]

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- [people chattering] - [soft music]

♪ Well you can't understand what you just can't imagine ♪

♪ It's all wonderful here ♪

♪ As we drive through the countryside ♪

Ooh, yeah, thank you.

What you thinking?

Excuse me?

I can see you didn't really like it

so I was wondering what you're thinking.

Didn't realize I was under surveillance.

Just getting the vibe.

What's wrong with it?

Where do I start?

I just... think there's a bit much going on.

The colors, yeah, it's a bit busy.

Gives me a headache.

Right.

What about you?

It was definitely not my best piece, but.

- You painted this? - Yeah.

Oh my God, is this your event?

Yeah.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

It's fine, honestly, it's totally fine.

No, I'm so sorry, it's not-

Honestly, it's fine.

I didn't mean to offend you.

You didn't offend me, it happens all the time.

Thank you for trying to make me feel better

but I'm sure that's not the case.

Can I get you a drink as a way of apologizing?

No.

- This is your event. - Yeah.

You're paying for the champagne.

Yeah, its my champagne.

I'm sorry, it's been a really long day.

Ah, fuck it.

So what are you doing here?

Clearly not for the amazing art on the wall.

Yeah, I was meant to be meeting a friend

and she bailed on me.

She's the arty one.

Right, do I know her?

Sarah Quinn?

I don't think she knew you.

I think that she just, she lives in the area.

Just she has really good taste in art.

[laughing]

But not her friends.

I'm sorry.

Honestly, it's totally fine.

A few of us are gonna go out and grab some food after

if you wanted to come and join.

Oh, thank you.

I can't this evening actually.

No, it's fine, I was just wondering.

Maybe another time?

Do you want to hear more of my thoughts?

Yes, I'd love to get more of your thoughts.

Critique my outfit or my...

Oh.

No, that would be really cool.

- Should I take your number? - Yeah, yeah.

I'm Tess, by the way.

Henry, nice to meet you, Tess.

Nice to meet you.

Their reaction was to go completely the opposite way.

Just ludicrous surrealism.

Would you say that that's art?

So is that what you're aiming for?

[laughing]

Alright, clearly my taste is-

No, no, but how is it going for you actually?

- It's going fine, it's okay. - Just okay?

Could be better, but-

Have you ever sold anything?

Well from the exhibition or like in general?

From the exhibition or I don't know in general?

You don't think I've sold anything?

No, I do.

Okay, I think we've established

I'm not your target audience.

But there were lots of people there.

Someone must have bought something.

I did, I sold a couple.

- Well, congratulations. - Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

How much would one of your paintings be?

I'm just interested.

Okay, well, like the one that you really, really liked.

For example.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know, it was about 800.

Wow.

What, is that a lot?

Have you ever been up the Shard?

I haven't actually, I've been around it.

Around it.

Base, I've been around the base.

Like Borough Market?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I love it down there.

Have you ever been to that pasta restaurant?

Which one is that?

It's called Pa-day-a or Padella or something?

It's like an offshoot of one

and it's meant to be the most amazing pasta.

Is it good, have you been?

I've been to the original restaurant.

Yeah, it's really good.

How long have you been in London?

Been about 10 years.

Wow, really?

Yeah, I don't think I ever wanna leave.

I just feel like it has the ability to,

I dunno, you know when you have like,

you know when you have like a shit time

it picks you up and sorry, I'm just rambling.

Yeah, you are.

No, honestly, I totally, I get what you mean.

It's like an old friend or something, isn't it?

It knows all your secrets but doesn't judge you for them.

Yeah, exactly.

- Cold, you cold? - Yeah.

Do you want my jacket?

No, I'm fine.

[laughing]

I'm an independent man.

Never said you weren't.

What do you want to do?

I don't know, should we have a walk or?

Or kiss.

I had a really nice day.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

My mom made us some breakfast.

Your mom?

Yeah, it's my Mom's place.

I'm joking!

It's not my mom's place, its my place.

I have got you a little full English Henry extravaganza.

Oh, thank you.

Did you forget I'm actually vegetarian?

Oh fuck.

No, it's so nice of you.

- So sorry. - No, its fine.

- Bollocks. - Thank you.

- Oh, well. - Sorry.

- Do you like coffee? - I love coffee.

Good, okay, you like it black?

[Tess squealing]

- Jesus Christ! - Oh shit, sorry!

Oh shit, oh fuck.

- Okay, just don't worry. - No, no, no, no,

these are fucking, these are quite important sheets.

- Oh, that's fucked. - Important sheets?

Yes, these are actually my Mom's.

These are honestly her favorite.

Can you just get out, I need to change it?

Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay.

Oh fuck.

Can you not just leave, I think it will come out.

It's just-

It's kind of the same color, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'll just have to tell her that you soiled the sheets.

Nice.

Yeah, like Spud in "Trainspotting."

- What's that? - Spud in "Trainspotting."

Please tell me you've seen "Trainspotting."

No.

You haven't seen "Trainspotting," my God.

Sorry.

Oh my God, okay, well I'm gonna forget that

but there's a scene in it where,

okay, the character Spud, he's one of the characters in it

played by Ewen Bremner, which isn't important,

but anyway, he goes and stays at his girlfriend's,

who lives with her parents at their house

'cause he's coming off heroin.

He gets loosey, goosey bowels,

anyway, he wakes up and he's kind of soiled himself

so he gets the duvet and gathers it up and goes downstairs

to put it in the washing machine

but the Mom and the Dad and girlfriend

were down there having their breakfast

and then the Mom says I'll put it in the washing machine

and then he says no, I'll do it.

And they kind of just tussle

and the sheets pull apart and shit just...

splatters on everyone's face.

Oh, gotta see that movie.

Yeah.

The way you described is like wow.

There's more to the film than that.

I don't know why I just said that.

No, it's good, it's nice kind of like mood setter.

Yeah.

[grunting]

Careful, you're in the fucking coffee.

[Tess] Where's the one place

that you wanna go to in the world

that you haven't been to before you die?

What? before I die?

[Tess] This is a serious question.

Yeah, but why do I have to die?

Couldn't it just be someplace I wanna go to?

Unless I'm ill.

Okay.

You've traveled, right?

You have a passport?

Yes, I have a passport.

And yeah, I'm really well-traveled.

Ireland doesn't count.

Okay, I'm not that well-traveled.

- California. - California?

- Yeah. - Why California?

Everyone just seems really friendly over there.

Positive and it's really sunny.

- Liberal. - Liberal.

Yes, liberal.

Okay well, let's go to California.

- What now? - Someday, you and me.

- California? - Yeah.

- Okay. - All right.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Bye. - I'll see you tonight.

- I'll see you tonight? - [door closing]

Hello?

[snoring]

[whispering]

- Did you sleep okay? - Not really.

- Really? - No.

- Did I snore? - You do snore a little bit.

- Did you know that? - No, fuck off.

No one has ever told me I've snored, so.

I'll record it next time.

You snore and you dribble a little bit as well.

- Like this. - No, can you-

That's you.

Okay, changing the subject.

Disgusting myself.

- Dribbled on my leg. - Sorry.

What the fuck?

Oh my God.

Okay, here's a top tip from Cosmo.

Go on, tip me.

Okay, nights when you can't sleep, count octopus feet.

- Count octopus feet? - Yeah, it works a treat.

Count to eight?

Or, or, if you don't like that one,

burning tigers, works every time.

Why have they got to be on fire?

I don't know, I just, someone told me.

That they have to be on fire?

Yeah, it works.

Or I could just give you a nudge and stop your snoring.

- Sure. - And dribbling.

[snoring]

I'm actually, I'm done.

You not having anymore?

[laughing]

I should actually wash my face.

Please, please do.

Do you want a tissue or something?

No, got my sleeve.

[TV chattering]

Stop looking at me.

Why are we watching this?

Just please, it's good, just give it like 10 minutes.

It's literally the worst human beings

on the planet all together.

I don't get it, what's the point in watching this?

It's just so entertaining.

Entertaining?

It also is actually kind of interesting to watch

from just the perspective of like

just the way men deal with a situation compared to women.

All right, so it's a piece of social commentary.

Yes, thank you.

I mean, I literally feel about 30% dumber

since it started, which is about two minutes ago.

Oh, shut up.

Okay, it's this guy, he came in like a week ago or something

and then you see the girl in the pink.

Yeah, I see her.

- With the real. - Yeah.

The real.

So he, sorry.

Oh my God.

Sorry, he made a play for her,

even though she's kind in a relationship or whatever.

So now tonight's episode is gonna be like the repercussion.

Okay.

Oh wow.

He made a play for her?

Then how come he's doing that with that one?

Don't know.

- Oh. - Oh.

[Tess giggling]

He's a dick.

He's a complete penis.

I still don't get it.

[slow music]

♪ Don't you know how much ♪

♪ I don't love you ♪

[chattering]

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ And can't you see how much ♪

♪ I don't need you ♪

♪ Just like you were never really there. ♪

[laughing]

[kissing]

- Okay? - Yeah.

[whispering]

I don't mean to be intrusive

but it smells like something's burning.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, this, there we go.

- Wow. - There I go.

This looks, I don't know.

Well, it's all in the taste.

Don't know how this looks.

Okay.

Try it, it's not gonna kill you.

- Try it. - Okay.

Huh?

Little crunchy maybe?

Good?

Really good?

Really, really good?

One really, really good?

It's good.

It's not good, is it?

Shut up.

Oh God, it's repulsive, I'm so sorry.

What?

Let me try some.

No way.

Fucking hell.

- Inedible. - That is disgusting.

Oh my God, oh my God, fuck you Ottolenghi, Jesus Christ.

I followed the recipe.

Did the recipe say anything about burning the artichokes

to tiny particles?

It said hold them over the stove.

- Jesus, I'm so sorry. - Don't worry.

- I'm so sorry. - No, don't worry.

Thank you for trying.

Yeah, thank you for patronizing me.

I'm not, I'm not, look, it can happen to people.

But just, just, just promise you,

just promise you won't do it again.

Yeah, I promise.

What do you wanna do?

- Oh God. - Should we order in?

- Yeah, I think so. - I'm so sorry.

Oh, honestly, you tried, but can you,

do you want to move it?

It's bad, isn't it?

Sorry, just the smell, it's like into my nostrils.

- Awe. - What?

I feel so bad but thank you for trying.

What should we get?

Not that.

Yeah, I think I had that excuse last time.

Do you know what though?

Quite a lot of people showed up

and I sold a couple paintings.

Nice, good work.

Thanks, man, I was really happy.

- Really happy. - Nice work, put on a show.

[glasses clinking]

All right, tell me what is it?

Maybe met a lady.

So that's your look of love is it?

Yeah, no man, I met this really nice girl.

- Oh, what's her name? - Tess.

What does Tess do?

Tess is a lawyer.

Yeah, well triple threat, actually.

She's really sound and very pretty.

Yeah, so I'm just waiting to fuck it up to be honest.

Why would you fuck it up?

I don't know, I just feel like,

we just, we're very different.

Opposites attract, everybody knows that.

I wouldn't worry about it, man, it's fine.

Do you know what, coming from you, Johnny,

the absolute Don of relationships,

I think the longest one you've ever had is what,

about a week?

Low blow.

That means a lot, honestly.

That's fair, look, it's time to celebrate I think.

Another pint?

No, I'm good actually.

I'll just finish that and then-

Come on, man, celebrate your new love, a few beers.

I am actually quite skint at the moment, so.

I'll get them in, it's fine.

I'm whittling the cash or something.

Dude, no, I'm all right with cash, thank you.

Thank you, I don't wanna take your money.

I don't like borrowing money, I'm all right, thank you.

Don't be an idiot.

I'm working my hole off for this fucking arsehole.

Might as well give a bit of cash to you.

Have a good time with your new lady friend.

- Come on. - Another pint.

Right, deal, another pint, let's do it.

I'm cool with that.

Maybe water for you.

Okay.

- Did you write it? - Yeah.

I'm actually a bit nervous to read it.

- Be kind. - I will.

I'm in all kinds of trouble now.

The kind where you wake up on a train

and everything, everything's strange.

And where am I?

And when did the seasons change?

I must've been asleep.

I'm sure I must be late.

I'm in all kinds of danger.

The stranger on the platform is not a proper stranger.

You're here with me, she says.

Isn't it great?

And she's right.

The kind where there's too much meaning on the edges

of sites because she might be there and you randomly weep.

I'm in deep, deep, hot water in a boiling hot geyser

in the mist of the mist of the ridiculous Icelandic snow.

You know you should give up the fags and eat fruit

because life should last longer.

This life should last longer if someone like her exists.

Everybody, lock away your razors

and save your lovely wrists.

Someone like her exists.

I'm in every single kind of trouble now,

the kind where a man could write himself a significant part.

I'm in very grave danger of a change of heart.

That was amazing.

Is it someone from work?

Is it Don?

- No. - No, oh my God.

Okay, his name's Henry and he's an artist.

- Famous artist? - No, not famous.

I mean, he'd like to be famous, but no.

- Yes. - Tell us more.

Well he's he's very scruffy like a puppy.

And he's a terrible cook.

Oh no, no, no, no, get rid of him right now.

- Is he vegetarian? - No, he likes meat.

He actually eats a lot of meat.

And the reason you're dating again is what?

I know, no, it's good.

Where'd you meet?

We met at one of his exhibitions in the,

you know the gallery behind the disused fire station

- in Greenwich. - I know.

So I was there, I was going to meet Sarah.

She bailed obviously.

And so standing in front of this picture

and then this guy comes over to me and he's like,

what do you think of this painting?

Which to be honest, was pretty shit.

[laughing]

It wasn't shit but it wasn't great.

Anyway, so I started telling him like what I like,

what I don't like, this and that.

Oh God, I can see where this is going.

So then I turned to him and I was like, what about you?

What do you think?

And he turns to me and he's like.

["On Blue Mountain" by Foxygen]

♪ I was looking to the Bible ♪

♪ I was looking at a girl ♪

♪ If you try you can remember ♪

♪ That what she sees is just what you know ♪

♪ Tired of feeling sick for you ♪

[chattering]

♪ I was driving up the mountain ♪

♪ Said I need someone ♪

♪ Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll be waiting ♪

♪ Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll be waiting ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ We can live on the mountain ♪

♪ Like living in the sunset ♪

♪ We can live on this way, true ♪

♪ We can live on the mountain ♪

♪ Like living in the sunset ♪

♪ I wanna live on the mountain, blue ♪

♪ I was looking through the Bible ♪

♪ I was there at the show, I ♪

♪ Oh, don't really wanna lose these here, come radio ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ For you to find ♪

♪ We can live on the mountain ♪

♪ Like living in sunset ♪

♪ We can live on this way, true ♪

♪ We can live there for listen ♪

♪ Like children on the swing set ♪

♪ I Wanna live on the mountain, blue ♪

♪ Up the mountain, god will save you ♪

♪ Put the pieces back together ♪

♪ Up the mountain, god will save us ♪

♪ Put the pieces back together ♪

♪ Up the mountain, god will save you ♪

♪ Put the pieces back together ♪

♪ Up the mountain, god will save you ♪

♪ Put the pieces back together ♪

♪ On the mountain, god will save you ♪

♪ Put the pieces back together ♪

Told ya.

I didn't tell you I was terrified of heights.

Did I mention?

And it was your idea.

Yeah.

So many buildings just popping up.

So many cranes.

Who's living in them?

It's mad.

Hey, I was thinking we should go away

for the bank holiday weekend, somewhere nice.

I don't know.

What, why?

I've got quite a lot on at the moment.

- Like what? - Like on my paintings.

I've got the exhibition in September,

I can't just drop things.

Yeah, you can.

You don't have to drop them, but you're freelance.

You can take a weekend.

Please, work's been so hectic.

I could already do with a weekend away.

It's the only weekend that we'll be able to do it this year.

It's not just that,

I can't really afford to go away at the moment.

Don't worry about it, my treat.

No, no, no, I don't, I'm not letting you do that.

Okay, well, you pay me back.

In September, just sell out your show.

Oh, okay.

- Easy? - Yeah, fine.

I'll make sure it sells out.

No, honestly, I don't mind.

I just don't like it.

I don't like owing people money.

Okay.

Don't worry.

Sorry, it just doesn't sit well with me.

Okay.

Just bare with me, picture this.

You and me on a beach, somewhere in the Aegean Sea.

Just like white sand, turquoise water,

no stress, no work.

- Free cocktails. - Sounds really horrible.

Or we could just stay here.

Yeah, of course.

Look, brown Thames, beautiful gray skies.

Yeah, tropical.

I'm sorry, you're right, you're right.

It would be, it sounds nice, let's do it.

Yay.

And I'll sell out my exhibition.

Perfect, deal.

No, it'll be really nice.

[upbeat rock music]

[lyrics muffled]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, sorry, hi Jack.

Yeah, it's going good, man.

Just in the studio at the moment.

Just working on the new series.

Thanks, yeah, I know, it's going well.

I'm happy with it.

What's that?

What do you mean?

They can't just do that, can they?

He's fucking serious?

That's their reason?

Man, I've, can we get another one?

Can we get another gallery to take it?

And what did they say?

Jack, I'm really fucking broke at the moment.

Dude, I seriously need this, man.

All right, all right.

Fuck!

[paintings banging]

Fuck!

[Woman] So as you would have seen

from your written appraisal

you've exceeded our expectations, really well done, Tess.

We've been very impressed by your commitment

and the hours you've put in, really.

There are obvious areas to improve in

as expected from every associate of your level.

One of the areas we highlighted is business development.

I know, it's hard.

[Woman] It is hard at your level

to find a network of people

that will eventually give you work, especially in disputes.

It's tricky, because as you know,

unlike corporate where you can get repetitive work,

you know, with us we must create a network of people

that will think of us whenever a problem occurs.

And you will never know when that will happen

which is why you've gotta get out there,

over and over again.

Because when somebody instructs you as a dispute lawyer

they will instruct you because you're the first person

on their mind basically.

And that's only gonna happen

if you were the last person they heard from

and you will never know who that person will be.

It could be a friend.

It could be a former client, it's worth remembering.

Okay, well congratulations.

You should be really proud, Tess.

Thank you, thanks.

- Are you gonna ask? - Hmm?

How it went to today, my appraisal.

Oh shit, sorry, sorry.

Are you gonna ask?

Yeah, yeah, I was gonna ask.

I was just, my, sorry, I just had a bad day.

What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Henry, you're gonna just sit here in silence?

Yeah, yeah, do you know what, Tess,

I'm just gonna sit in silence.

I just don't wanna fucking talk anymore.

Just tell me what happened.

Please.

What happened?

- They pulled my exhibition. - What?

- Mm. - Who did?

The gallery.

Can they do that?

I don't know, I don't know, apparently yes.

Apparently they can just pull it.

Have you seen a contract?

No, I haven't seen a contract.

I don't do contracts.

Jack deals with contracts.

Okay, well what's Jack saying?

He's saying they just replaced me with someone else.

Who?

Some girl called Sophie Allen.

- Who is she, do you know- - Me neither.

No, I looked her up.

She's some emerging artist, rising star,

according to the Guardian.

It's obviously bullshit.

It's just complete Keith Haring rip off.

Or maybe,

maybe it's a sign that you need to change.

Change what?

Change your style.

Change my style, change my, yeah, sure.

Fuck it, I'll just change my style.

It's not like I've worked hard to get where I am, right?

Henry, I'm not saying that.

Obviously, I know you've worked so hard.

Then what are you saying, Tess?

Why am I just gonna change my style of work?

Because you want-

10 years to try and get this.

So what?

I've worked hard, what? start from scratch.

No, don't start from scratch but go from here.

I'll work in charcoal now.

No, just move forward, you want to sell your paintings.

Yeah, of course I want to sell paintings.

You made it work so maybe it's time to change slightly.

Just fucking try something new.

Okay, yeah, okay.

Sorry, you're right.

Yeah, maybe, sorry.

It's gonna be okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry about the exhibition.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

How was your, what did they say at work?

Oh, it was fine, it was nothing.

Yeah, it's all good.

So, how's the painting going?

It's good, good, good, good, not bad.

Well, don't let the bastards grind you down.

You've got to be patient.

I mean, look, it took me 10 years to sell anything.

Mind you, Handsome Traveler,

that was a God damn masterpiece.

I was thinking of changing my style a little bit.

Ooh, what do you want to do that for?

Well, I'm not exactly selling loads of paintings.

[laughing]

No, no, no, that's the worst thing you can do.

It's just giving in to demand.

And that is the graveyard of all creativity, you know this.

Dad, Dad, I need to pay my bills, so.

Oh, oh, right.

See that's what's wrong with your generation.

It's all the buy this, buy that, travel here, travel there.

What ever happened to living within one's means?

I live-

You own a house in Islington.

Well, yes, which I bought cash from earnings 35 years ago.

Congratulations.

Was quite an achievement.

Look, what you need is to find yourself a muse.

You know, a companion.

It works a treat.

You trust me.

There was this one woman I was with, Isabella was her name.

- Yeah, I remember. - Oh no, no, no, no, no.

This was before I met your mother.

- Honestly. - Really?

Yeah, now she was one of the glories of God's creation.

A thing of absolute beauty and smart as a whip.

Those were the good old days.

I made some of my best work when I was with Isabella.

Well, I'm actually seeing someone at the moment, so.

Oh for God's sake, no, you do not see a woman.

You see a dentist or a lawyer or a priest.

You are with a woman.

Well, she is a lawyer.

Oh, you have got to be joking.

Have you not been listening to a word I've said?

Listen, you need to be with a woman

who will get the best out of you, who will inspire you,

not remind you of the terms and conditions

of your tenancy agreement.

Well, she does actually inspire me.

Oh?

Well, you know, I am happy for you.

You enjoy it while it lasts.

I mean sooner or later you're gonna find yourself

just standing in the street with a handful of ticker tape

blinking in the sunlight.

What the fuck is ticker tape?

Ticker tape, it, it,

look, all relationships are just a car crash

looking for somewhere to happen.

It's just a matter of time, believe me.

And what ever happened to Isabel?

Well, you know, all good things come to an end.

Thanks for the pep talk.

Well I was afraid you were gonna ask me for money, but.

Think I might go home this weekend.

It's a good idea.

I can't believe this is happening.

I just didn't, didn't ever think this would happen to me.

Sorry, it's horrible.

There's nothing to say that she can't get through this.

That's not what the doctors are saying.

Doctors don't always know what they're talking about.

My friend, John, when I was growing up, we were about five.

John's mom got told that she had a few months to live.

She's still here now.

They don't always know what they're talking about, Tess.

Do you want me to come with you?

No, I don't think that'd be a good idea.

I could just be an extra pair of hands.

Even just helping your dad out.

Clean the house, I don't know, anything.

Just think about it.

I suppose it would be, yeah, maybe it would be helpful.

- It's gonna be okay. - Okay.

Just, just spare me the optimism.

Just trying to be helpful.

I know, it's just a bit.

Feel like a Christian.

Okay, well I'm here if you need me.

Thanks.

- [birds chirping] - [waves crashing]

[loud breathing]

[Tess sobbing]

I just think it'd be bad.

You think, Henry?

Okay, I'm just saying,

it's just like, don't shut it down.

Are you even following the map?

For fuck's sake.

You've missed the turn, you've missed the turn.

Well you're meant to be fucking doing the map Tess?

For fuck's sake.

I'm driving, I don't know where I'm going.

You can't read the fucking map?

I'm driving, I can't fucking do it all, alright?

Okay, alright.

Maybe you should fucking drive.

- Okay, yeah, let's go, swap. - Fine.

Fucking hell.

Okay, slow down, fuck, Tess.

Shut the fuck up, let me drive.

All right, I'm just saying,

I think we were meant to go back that way.

We were definitely meant to go back that way.

Just turn, just turn around.

I'm not even asking for that much, you know,

I'm just saying.

Yeah, but that wasn't my decision.

Well then, but how, yeah, no, no, yeah, I actually,

I do understand.

No, I get it, I do get it, I get it.

I'm just saying, you know, if not the exhibition

then why can't we just do something more collaborative with.

Exactly, you know, more brand stuff.

Like Alex.

Yeah.

Well.

I don't think he is asking for much.

Well get them.

Well, basically, we're not just selling any works.

Why is that on me?

Well, how can you get?

Actually, I think I've seen one of your paintings.

The other day.

It was in a private hedge fund in Mayfair

hanging in a meeting room.

Was it really?

From your black and white collection.

Whoa.

You should be proud.

[chattering]

Honestly, I didn't know that had gone there.

More wine, anyone?

I knew I'd sold one.

I'm all right, I have quite a lot still.

Claire?

No, actually I'm at my provision.

What, a big night?

No Tess, but thanks for that.

No.

What?

No, I just, I've got some news.

I told you, I told you when I saw her.

Eyes up!

I'm not pregnant.

Not yet.

I, yeah, I, me and Mike decided to start trying so,

and I'm actually ovulating right now.

So I just don't want to turn up too drunk,

mess the whole thing up.

- It's a thing. - No, I know.

It's a thing, it's an app! There's an app for everything.

Literally, - There's an app.

Well congratulations, that's exciting.

[chattering]

- Cheers to that. - Cheers to ovaries.

- Cheers. - A new human.

[laughing]

That was weird phrasing.

Would you know if this would be a boy

or if it was a girl, sorry?

No, you would not know.

It's not like you pay extra and you get to decide.

Well, Mike obviously wants a boy and I,

you know, I want a little girl, so yeah.

- Well we'll have to see. - We'll see.

- Well 50-50, flip a coin. - Flip a coin, exactly.

Just like that.

What about you guys?

Have you ever thought about having kids, children?

- No. - No.

No?

That is not something that we've-

That's never come up.

I think you guys would make amazing parents.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't feel like.

It kind of takes two, but no, I don't think, I'm not ready.

I don't think you're ready.

What's that supposed to mean?

It takes two.

To make a baby?

Actually now we don't really need.

Yeah, exactly, exactly, with advancements.

Just download the app.

The ovulation and whenever you're ready.

Get a donor

Yeah.

Henry, are you still doing music or anything?

- A little bit. - Yeah?

Messing around.

Anything you're doing at the moment?

I've always got a few little bits and bobs going on.

It's not like a... it's like a little hobby, I suppose.

Go on, show us.

Play some.

Go on, it'll be fun.

No, it would be a really nice thing to do.

We're having dinner.

[chattering]

Yeah, let's, you know, share.

- Really? - Yeah!

Alright.

- Yeah? - Yeah, that's fun.

[gentle piano music]

♪ I'm on the tips of my toes ♪

♪ Drowning but nobody knows ♪

♪ Steady as she goes ♪

♪ Sat in a bar on my own ♪

♪ Staring at girls I don't know ♪

♪ I used to be dreamer ♪

♪ Now I don't sleep that well ♪

♪ Dragging my feet through a fairy tale ♪

♪ Sarcastically raising a thumb ♪

♪ What a loser ♪

♪ I've become ♪

♪ I can't seem to lace up my shoes ♪

♪ I know there's nothing to do ♪

♪ I wanna go dancing ♪

♪ But the music's too loud ♪

♪ Writing in pen though I'm reading braille ♪

♪ Hoping my callouses fail ♪

♪ Drinking myself through a parallel ♪

♪ Trip on the tip of my tongue ♪

♪ What a loser ♪

♪ Such a loser ♪

♪ I've become ♪

- That's amazing. - That was great.

[chattering]

[Henry] Have a lovely trip back.

Hey man, I'll see you in a week.

Cool, man.

[Woman] You tore my heart out with that song.

[laughing]

We'll learn the lyrics for next time.

[Henry] Four part harmonies.

See ya, drive safe.

- Bye. - Bye.

[Tess] Bye.

[dishes clanging]

I think it's good they came.

- Fuck. - Are you asleep?

Obviously I'm asleep, why are...

You literally just went to bed five minutes ago.

Why are you putting the light on?

I couldn't find my phone charger.

Well can you turn it off?

Tess, turn the light off.

Okay.

- Alright, just, alright- - Don't start like that.

- Just tell me what- - Why did you go to bed?

Just tell me what I did.

What, is this what it is?

I just want you to tell me what I've done wrong

and then I can just deal with it

and we can turn the light off.

What did I do?

What? I didn't do all the washing up?

They're your friends.

Why didn't you stay down there?

They're my friends?

We were having people to dinner.

I did enough.

You did enough?

You played a fucking song, a stupid song.

Oh my God.

Yeah, I played a song.

They asked me to play a song, sorry.

It's not about a song.

Well, turn the light off then.

Can you even read music?

No, no, I can't read music.

You know I can't read music.

John Lennon couldn't fucking read music.

John Lennon?

Yeah, John Lennon couldn't read music.

Are you comparing yourself to John Lennon?

Yeah, comparing myself-

Jesus fucking Christ.

Of course I'm not comparing myself to John Lennon.

I'm just making the fucking point that he can't read music.

Why does everything have to be so fucking square with you?

Can't read music, no-

Square, don't call me square.

Doesn't matter.

What is your problem?

I sang a song, your friends liked it.

You humiliated me tonight.

Oh my God, dramatic.

- Humiliated you? - Yes.

What, 'cause I played a song?

- No, at fucking dinner. - What?

When Claire asked if we'd thought about having kids.

Yeah?

You were like, no, it takes two.

Like what, what does that mean?

What do you think they're gonna think?

It's so embarrassing.

What do you think it means?

She was talking about her ovaries, for fuck's sake.

I don't care.

You know that I'm a private person.

Don't do that in front of my friends, okay?

Maybe if it wasn't true, I wouldn't say it.

It does take two.

You gonna get the light?

Can you turn the light off?

I've got an early morning.

Have to go to work.

[water spraying]

[Tess sobbing]

[Tess screaming]

[Tess crying]

I can't breathe.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

♪ We can live on the mountain ♪

♪ Like living in the sunset ♪

♪ We can live on this, true ♪

♪ We can live on the mountain ♪

♪ Like living in the sunset ♪

♪ I wanna live on the mountain, blue ♪

Henry, people work to live.

Like it's not the case for everyone

but that is what people have to do in life.

So for you to literally refuse to do anything different,

anything, make any changes at all

just to make a living, to have some success,

to provide something for this house,

I genuinely don't understand.

I really want you to explain to me.

This is a genuine question.

Alright, yeah.

Well I don't know what you want me to say?

How many times do I have to say in that same way?

I can't think of another way to say it

is I'm a fucking artist.

Explain it to me again.

Okay, I'm an artist.

- Yeah. - Right?

- Mm-hmm. - I make art.

- Yeah. - That's what I do.

Why can't you try and make art that sells?

Art isn't commerce, okay?

Art is a feeling, it comes from within.

I'm not just gonna like follow the pound signs

'cause you can't do that.

There's no fucking formula.

There's no calculations that you can make to make art.

It doesn't work like that.

Where would you be living if we weren't together?

You need to make money to live, you're a fucking adult.

I know, but it just can fucking happened like that, Tess.

You don't know what's around the corner.

Okay, so how long are you gonna give it?

How long?

When I'm done, when I'm finished.

- When you're done, okay. - I can't not do this.

Do you understand?

I can't not do it.

So do you want me to keep working

and paying our rent and paying for our food

and paying for everything that we need?

Are you okay with that?

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah?

Okay.

Don't make out that you buy everything as well.

I buy stuff.

What do you buy, Henry?

That chair.

- That chair? - Yeah.

You bought that chair from Johnny

when you helped him move flat, he gave it to you.

You didn't fucking buy that chair.

Yeah, but I got the chair.

Why does it matter if I pay with it?

Because the point is you haven't paid for anything

in the last two years and I'm fucking sick of it, sorry.

I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go out for a bit, okay?

[Henry] You seen my yellow jumper?

Yo, Tess, have you seen my yellow jumper?

No.

[Henry] It's not in the drawer.

Do you know the one I'm talking about?

The woolen one I got in Scotland.

Yes, I think I saw it by the front door.

[Henry] Why is it by the front door?

Did you wear it?

I don't care, who cares, maybe,

but have you looked by the front door?

[Henry] I'm gonna look now.

It's not by the front door.

Not in the laundry, it's not in the drawer.

Yeah, I don't know.

Henry, I'm just trying to read,

I'm just taking a moment to read.

[Henry] Can you just find it, please?

No, I'm not gonna fucking find your jumper.

[Henry] What are you pretending to read?

What is that, is that a book?

Wow, there's a change.

I'm trying to read.

[Henry] I know you're trying.

What is it, a picture book?

Shut the fuck up.

[Henry] Joking, a bit touchy.

- Normally you're just- - Get the fuck out!

[Henry] It was in the drawer.

I looked in the wrong one.

Fuck's sake.

Do you want another one?

I've got an early start tomorrow.

I probably shouldn't.

Gotta get home to Harry.

- Henry. - Henry.

You know his name is Henry.

- Henry, sorry. - Yeah, he's at home.

How's it going?

It's going.

I think that we're definitely gonna have two more.

Can I get two more please?

Are you looking forward Kiev?

No, not at all.

It is going to be the most-

- Boring? - Boring.

It's a good career though.

Yeah, okay.

- Yeah, okay. - No?

- Well. - Sarah is there.

And Jared.

Yeah, but I can guarantee you

that I won't see either of them.

Yeah, that's true.

Oh, have you heard about the big surprise?

- No. - Anderson.

He's gonna make a speech.

How the fuck did he manage that?

No idea, I have no idea.

Toast?

To be fair, last year when I went it was awful,

but the final night is amazing.

- Really? - Yeah.

So what am I doing, just living for the weekend?

Live for the weekend, get through it

You'll have a good time.

Good, I'll take a, I'll take that and hope for the best.

I wish I was going with you.

Actually you should, why not?

- No, I've done it once. - Come on.

Thank you.

So you're just leaving me to the lion's den?

You'll survive.

- So. - So.

[keys dropping]

[soft piano music]

Why are you up late?

Where have you been?

I told you, I was having drinks.

- No you didn't. - After work drinks.

- Yeah, I did, I told you. - No, you didn't.

I've been trying to call you,

why aren't you checking your phone?

What?

I said I've been trying to call you.

Well, my phone died ages ago.

I told you, stop looking at me like that.

You didn't tell me which is why

I fucking cooked us dinner, Tess.

You don't fucking cook, Henry.

It's in the bin if you want to get it out.

I'm sorry.

Sure.

Where were you?

I just told you I was having drinks after work.

Yeah, I can see you were having drinks.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, your eyes are like fucking wonky.

Yeah, well when you drink, you get a bit drunk.

So that's just what happens, yeah.

Oh my God, you're an absolute fucking mess.

Sorry?

I said you're a mess, Tess.

Shut the fuck up.

Stop judging me.

I fucking worked all week.

I'm allowed to have a few drinks after work.

Yeah, maybe just tell me in the future.

I did tell you, Henry.

If you listened, maybe-

What were you doing, just drinks, colleagues, networking,

talking business, really interesting lawyer stuff?

Yeah, I'm so boring, I'm so fucking boring, fuck you.

You just sit at home all day doing nothing.

You're a lazy piece of shit.

Yeah, that's what I've been doing.

Yeah, what does playing the somber music.

Like go out, get some fucking air.

Oh my God.

Meet people, have a drink.

I've been out, thank you very much.

- I've been out. - I'm getting a drink.

Don't get a drink, you're fucking pissed, Tess.

You don't need a drink.

[Tess] I'll get a drink if I want a fucking drink.

[Henry] Alright, tell you what, I'll get you a drink.

[Tess] Get off me!

[items falling]

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Fuck's sake.

I just wanna know where the fuck you were, to be honest.

That's all I wanna know and you haven't told me yet

so you're making me feel like maybe something's going on

because I didn't know about these drinks.

Something's going on?

- Yeah, where were you? - Do you not trust me?

- No, actually, I don't. - You don't trust me?

No, because you ain't telling me

where the fuck you are these days.

I was out for drinks with my friend Richard.

See, oh, there it is, with Richard.

- Yeah. - Yeah, Richard.

- Yeah. - Yeah, fucking great.

He tried to kiss me.

I didn't let him.

[laughing]

Are you fucking laughing at me?

Yeah.

I don't know if you're fucking-

Fuck you!

I don't know if you're telling the truth anymore

or if you're just absolutely fucking bullshitting me.

I don't know.

I don't know if you're telling me the truth

and that's the problem.

I think you're probably lying.

You think I'm lying?

Yeah, tell me the truth.

- He tried to kiss me. - And what did you do?

- I fucking- - Tell me what you did.

I fucking slapped him.

But I wanted to kiss him.

You fucking.

[Tess] Where's the fucking vodka?

Just talk to me, Tess!

- Talk to me! - What do you want?

I wanna know why you wanted to kiss him.

Why don't you like me, Tess?

Why can't you just say you don't like me?

Instead of going out and getting fucking pissed?

Kissing guys, what the fuck?

I didn't kiss him!

What the fuck, bullshit, bull-fucking-shit!

Fuck you, fuck you!

[Henry] I'm going to fucking bed.

Fuck you, Henry!

[Henry] Clean that fucking shit up, clean it up!

- Mess, you're a mess! - I fucking hate you.

- I hate you. - Yeah, I know!

I fucking hate you!

How's the hangover?

Nothing?

No shame, no sorry,

no I fucked up?

[door shutting]

[waves crashing]

[birds chirping]

[soft piano music]

♪ I'm on the tips of my toes ♪

♪ Drowning but nobody knows ♪

♪ Steady as she goes ♪

♪ Sat at a bar on my own ♪

♪ Staring at girls I don't know ♪

♪ I used to be a dreamer ♪

♪ Now I don't sleep that well ♪

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

♪ Dragging my feet through a fairytale ♪

♪ Sarcastically raising a thumb ♪

♪ What a loser ♪

♪ I've become ♪

♪ I can't seem to lace up my shoes ♪

♪ Though it seems I have nothing to do ♪

♪ I wanna go dancing ♪

♪ But the music's too loud ♪

♪ Dragging my feet through a fairytale ♪

♪ Sarcastically raising a thumb ♪

♪ What a loser ♪

♪ I've become ♪

♪ Writing in pen but I'm reading braille ♪

♪ Hoping my callouses fail ♪

♪ Boozing my way through this parallel ♪

♪ A drink on the tip of my tongue ♪

♪ What a loser ♪

♪ Such a loser ♪

♪ I've become ♪

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