Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,935 --> 00:00:09,271
I've always loved getting clean.
2
00:00:10,563 --> 00:00:12,149
I love baths.
3
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,361
I love showers.
4
00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:23,869
It's my happy place.
5
00:00:30,376 --> 00:00:32,127
Was my happy place.
6
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:43,389
All inmates in D dorm
must be checked for lice.
7
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,184
Repeat, all inmates in D
dorm must be checked for lice.
8
00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:52,647
Oh, I'll be out in a sec. I swear.
9
00:00:52,731 --> 00:00:56,902
I'll wait. There best
be some hot water left.
10
00:00:57,069 --> 00:00:59,238
There wasn't very much when I started.
11
00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:02,908
Man, hurry!
12
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:05,911
All right, okay, okay.
13
00:01:06,036 --> 00:01:08,080
I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out.
14
00:01:08,205 --> 00:01:10,040
Damn, you got some nice titties.
15
00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:13,626
- Thank you.
- You got them TV titties.
16
00:01:13,752 --> 00:01:16,963
They stand up on they own
all perky and everything.
17
00:01:17,089 --> 00:01:18,631
Okay.
18
00:01:20,259 --> 00:01:23,803
You know they sell
flip-flops at the commissary.
19
00:01:24,346 --> 00:01:26,098
My money's not in yet, so.
20
00:01:26,223 --> 00:01:29,809
You creative. I give you that, high-tits.
21
00:01:31,103 --> 00:01:33,272
Now get the fuck out the way.
22
00:01:33,604 --> 00:01:34,647
Okay.
23
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-
24
00:03:07,669 --> 00:03:09,755
So, there's an entire pig in there?
25
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,006
Yes.
26
00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:12,549
For four of us?
27
00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:16,137
It's a small pig. I really
wanted to use the box.
28
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,721
It was my birthday present.
29
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,974
She's guilty she's leaving.
30
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,475
It's a guilt pig-roasting box.
31
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,351
At least you get something.
32
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:26,188
I'm not getting laid for a
year, too, but what do I get?
33
00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:27,815
A baby?
34
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,233
But you can't eat it.
35
00:03:30,985 --> 00:03:33,988
- Are we really gonna eat that?
- It's thematic.
36
00:03:34,071 --> 00:03:35,739
You're not serving time in Cuba.
37
00:03:36,073 --> 00:03:37,449
Pigs. Cops.
38
00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:43,956
How the fuck are you
going to jail tomorrow?
39
00:03:44,623 --> 00:03:46,458
Prison, not jail.
40
00:03:47,709 --> 00:03:49,170
You're missing my shower.
41
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,546
Polly, I'm really sorry.
42
00:03:52,923 --> 00:03:54,216
I know.
43
00:03:57,178 --> 00:04:00,347
You focus on how you're gonna
maintain your eyebrows behind bars.
44
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:03,683
You may not come back with a unibrow.
45
00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,021
Am I allowed to cry?
46
00:04:07,104 --> 00:04:09,690
No. Seriously, no.
47
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,987
Okay, we are ready. Everybody inside.
48
00:04:15,445 --> 00:04:16,613
- Need a hoist?
- Yeah.
49
00:04:16,697 --> 00:04:18,282
Big girl.
50
00:04:18,615 --> 00:04:20,408
On to the last supper.
51
00:04:23,537 --> 00:04:25,497
- We got to do it.
- I know.
52
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,834
God, we really should
not have eaten so much.
53
00:04:28,917 --> 00:04:31,337
I know. Come on, we gotta rally.
54
00:04:31,503 --> 00:04:32,587
Okay.
55
00:04:32,713 --> 00:04:35,883
- Make some memories, you know?
- Yeah.
56
00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,719
You need spank-bank material.
57
00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:41,805
Oh, well, I mean, when
you say it like that.
58
00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,694
- Wait, I got...
- What?
59
00:04:55,777 --> 00:04:57,905
- I gotta pee.
- What? No.
60
00:04:57,988 --> 00:04:59,031
- Yeah.
- Really?
61
00:04:59,114 --> 00:05:01,242
I just...
62
00:05:02,117 --> 00:05:04,661
I'll be... I'll be right back.
63
00:05:08,749 --> 00:05:09,875
Hey.
64
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,710
Yeah?
65
00:05:12,961 --> 00:05:14,213
You look beautiful.
66
00:05:16,631 --> 00:05:17,841
Thanks.
67
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:32,273
Oh, shit.
68
00:06:32,374 --> 00:06:33,499
What?
69
00:06:37,338 --> 00:06:39,340
You look beautiful, too.
70
00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:47,055
Come on. Get in.
71
00:07:08,618 --> 00:07:09,953
Hey. You're crying.
72
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,707
Just fuck me.
73
00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,042
Piper.
74
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,793
Shut up.
75
00:07:16,877 --> 00:07:20,088
Please. Please.
76
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:24,385
Okay.
77
00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:05,675
No visiting today.
78
00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:09,096
Hi, um, I'm here to surrender.
79
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,764
Oh, okay, then.
80
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,770
Did he look surprised to you?
81
00:08:16,853 --> 00:08:19,481
When I said that I was here to
surrender? Didn't he look surprised?
82
00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:21,358
Like, "What the hell is she doing here?"
83
00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:25,112
- I didn't notice.
- Well, he looked surprised to me.
84
00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:31,910
I look like shit. My eyes are all puffy.
85
00:08:31,993 --> 00:08:33,078
You're worried about how you look?
86
00:08:33,161 --> 00:08:34,288
Well, they're gonna know that I was crying.
87
00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:36,039
It's a sign of weakness.
You can't show any weakness.
88
00:08:36,123 --> 00:08:37,499
That's what all of the books said.
89
00:08:37,624 --> 00:08:38,708
Oh, sweetie...
90
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,627
Don't call me sweetie.
91
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,129
Oh, Leonard.
92
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:44,798
That's better.
93
00:08:50,971 --> 00:08:52,931
I can't take it with me.
94
00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:58,270
Oh, okay. Right.
95
00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:02,608
What are you doing?
96
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:03,733
What?
97
00:09:03,817 --> 00:09:05,193
You can't put that in your pocket.
98
00:09:05,319 --> 00:09:07,237
It's gonna end up at the
bottom of the washing machine.
99
00:09:07,321 --> 00:09:08,989
Okay. Um...
100
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:10,449
Where would you like me
to put it then, Piper?
101
00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:11,992
Up your ass.
102
00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:15,329
There's no room. Apparently,
my head's already up there.
103
00:09:16,246 --> 00:09:17,581
I'm sorry.
104
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:21,751
It's okay.
105
00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:26,256
You know what?
106
00:09:27,508 --> 00:09:30,760
I'm gonna put it in my wallet. Okay?
107
00:09:30,844 --> 00:09:35,182
And when I get home, I will
put it in your jewelry box.
108
00:09:35,974 --> 00:09:37,934
Until I'm short on
rent, then I may hock it.
109
00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:41,438
But I'll try to get it
back before you're out.
110
00:09:47,819 --> 00:09:48,945
We should go.
111
00:09:49,571 --> 00:09:50,697
Okay.
112
00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:55,536
Okay.
113
00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:58,038
Self-surrender.
114
00:09:58,163 --> 00:09:59,914
Yeah, well, no one told me either.
115
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,333
Available guards...
116
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:03,293
Got the paperwork right here.
117
00:10:03,377 --> 00:10:05,379
Name is Chapman.
118
00:10:06,129 --> 00:10:11,552
Yeah. Chap, like when your lips
get all dry they're chapped.
119
00:10:11,843 --> 00:10:12,844
Have a seat.
120
00:10:16,348 --> 00:10:18,308
Piper. Rhymes with sniper.
121
00:10:18,392 --> 00:10:21,102
Inmate Robinson to the visitor area.
122
00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:26,191
You hungry?
123
00:10:26,274 --> 00:10:27,442
Not really.
124
00:10:27,568 --> 00:10:29,236
Guard Thomson to the tower.
125
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:30,487
Eat anyway.
126
00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:32,531
It's burrata.
127
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:35,242
Thank you.
128
00:10:39,787 --> 00:10:43,750
My mother told her friends I'm
doing volunteer work in Africa.
129
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:49,089
I bet they're all appalled that you've
gone somewhere so filthy and dangerous.
130
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:56,680
So I never carried drugs. Just money.
131
00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:58,932
You were a lesbian?
132
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,059
At the time.
133
00:11:02,018 --> 00:11:03,103
You still a lesbian?
134
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,146
No, I'm not still a lesbian.
135
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,607
You sure?
136
00:11:08,024 --> 00:11:12,237
I once kissed Mary Straley when
I was at Miss Porter's school.
137
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,614
But it wasn't for me.
138
00:11:13,947 --> 00:11:14,989
Wow.
139
00:11:15,865 --> 00:11:16,950
Did you know about all this?
140
00:11:17,117 --> 00:11:20,454
No. No, no, I didn't.
141
00:11:22,163 --> 00:11:25,041
I mean, she told me how
she traveled after college,
142
00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:27,294
but she failed to mention the lesbian lover
143
00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,254
who ran an international
drug smuggling ring.
144
00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:31,005
Imagine my surprise.
145
00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:34,134
What on earth did you do with the money?
146
00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:37,137
Well, Grandmother, I wasn't
really in it for the money.
147
00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:40,432
Oh, Piper, for heaven's sake!
148
00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:47,648
So this is my last post as a free woman.
149
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,108
- What are you gonna write?
- Hey!
150
00:11:50,191 --> 00:11:52,444
Oh, no. You cannot have a phone in here.
151
00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:54,488
This is a federal facility.
You have to take that out.
152
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,906
Oh, can I? Am I allowed to go out?
153
00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:58,032
He can take it out.
154
00:11:58,158 --> 00:12:00,535
So no phone?
155
00:12:00,661 --> 00:12:02,203
- You knew that.
- Now.
156
00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:04,164
Oh, my God, Larry, by the time I get out
157
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:06,625
there'll have been, like, three
new generations of iPhones.
158
00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:09,503
Sir, I can get an
officer to escort you out.
159
00:12:09,586 --> 00:12:13,256
No, I'm going. It's okay, I'm going,
okay? I'll be right back, okay?
160
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,384
I'll take the phone to the
car, I'll be right back.
161
00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:17,719
Okay? Two seconds.
162
00:12:17,843 --> 00:12:19,262
- Yeah?
- Okay.
163
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,223
Two seconds.
164
00:12:25,519 --> 00:12:26,687
- Chapman!
- Yes.
165
00:12:28,021 --> 00:12:31,024
Yes, that's me. But you have to wait.
166
00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:32,359
You're telling me what I have to do?
167
00:12:33,443 --> 00:12:35,362
Get your ass over here,
Chapman, now. Move it.
168
00:12:35,445 --> 00:12:36,571
He's, he's gonna be right back.
169
00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:37,863
We've been waiting here for two hours.
170
00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:39,324
And the wait is over.
171
00:12:39,407 --> 00:12:40,866
Here's your temporary ID,
172
00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:43,495
you'll stick this on your uniform
when we get to that. Now...
173
00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:45,539
- Here. I'm here. Here I am.
- Here he is.
174
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,833
- Who's this?
- My fianc�.
175
00:12:47,915 --> 00:12:49,167
Yeah? Good luck with that.
176
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,377
Excuse me?
177
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:52,212
- Any personal items?
- Here.
178
00:12:55,965 --> 00:12:57,175
You can't take this check.
179
00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:59,427
But we called last week.
And they told me to bring it.
180
00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:00,721
He has to send it to Iowa.
181
00:13:00,804 --> 00:13:02,222
It takes a few weeks to process.
182
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,850
A few weeks? Doesn't
she need to buy things?
183
00:13:04,932 --> 00:13:06,017
How it is.
184
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:08,520
Where do we send it?
185
00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:11,398
Hey, you got that Iowa address?
186
00:13:12,315 --> 00:13:15,402
Any Nudie Judies in here?
Skin pics? Naughty stuff?
187
00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,780
No. No Nudie Judies.
188
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:21,032
Time to say goodbye. It might be
a while till you can visit, fianc�.
189
00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:24,910
I love you so much.
190
00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:26,037
I love you, too!
191
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:28,206
- I'll call you as soon as I can.
- Okay.
192
00:13:28,289 --> 00:13:30,458
Okay? Please send that check immediately.
193
00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:31,917
Okay. I will.
194
00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,254
I love you. Please keep my website updated.
195
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:35,422
I love you so much.
196
00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:38,924
It's okay.
197
00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:49,935
It's okay.
198
00:14:01,782 --> 00:14:04,117
- What size shoe are you?
- Nine and a half, ten.
199
00:14:10,039 --> 00:14:11,458
These are kinda like Toms.
200
00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:14,294
- Who's Tom?
- Toms are shoes.
201
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:17,547
When you buy a pair, the company
gives another to a child in need.
202
00:14:17,631 --> 00:14:20,091
They're great. And they come in
lots of different colors and...
203
00:14:20,174 --> 00:14:21,468
How nice.
204
00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:24,471
Strip.
205
00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:48,161
Get over here.
206
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:02,467
Come here.
207
00:15:15,396 --> 00:15:17,273
Are you gonna miss me?
208
00:15:18,191 --> 00:15:19,526
Yes.
209
00:15:22,612 --> 00:15:23,655
Too much.
210
00:15:27,116 --> 00:15:28,242
Come with me.
211
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,244
What?
212
00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:32,622
Come to Bali.
213
00:15:34,248 --> 00:15:36,250
Come with me. I mean it.
I'll buy you a plane ticket.
214
00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:41,381
Are you serious?
215
00:15:43,925 --> 00:15:45,134
Yes.
216
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:52,934
Come with me. Quit your job. Come with me.
217
00:15:53,894 --> 00:15:58,189
Well, I'd have to give notice.
218
00:15:58,272 --> 00:16:00,734
You're a fucking waitress. You
don't need to give a notice.
219
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,486
Will I get in trouble?
220
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:04,654
God, I hope so.
221
00:16:09,325 --> 00:16:11,411
You know what I mean.
222
00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:13,371
You don't have to do anything.
223
00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:17,667
You're just there to keep
me company, all right?
224
00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:22,881
Come on, babe. I want you to come.
225
00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:24,799
And I want you to come.
226
00:16:28,762 --> 00:16:30,597
Yes? Is that a yes?
227
00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:31,932
Yes.
228
00:16:33,641 --> 00:16:34,893
Yes.
229
00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:36,811
Open your mouth, stick out your tongue.
230
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,188
Inmates, an updated facility rules with
231
00:16:39,272 --> 00:16:41,107
inmate discipline list
is posted in the day room.
232
00:16:43,276 --> 00:16:44,402
Lift up your arms.
233
00:16:47,321 --> 00:16:48,615
Turn around.
234
00:16:52,285 --> 00:16:53,411
Squat.
235
00:16:56,748 --> 00:16:58,374
Spread your cheeks and cough.
236
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:01,962
Seriously?
237
00:17:14,891 --> 00:17:16,101
That it?
238
00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:17,852
One more coming, hold on.
239
00:17:23,316 --> 00:17:24,525
My zipper's broken.
240
00:17:27,361 --> 00:17:28,488
First time down?
241
00:17:28,613 --> 00:17:29,823
My first time here?
242
00:17:30,364 --> 00:17:32,533
Oh, no, your first time in prison?
243
00:17:32,659 --> 00:17:34,953
Oh, yeah.
244
00:17:35,036 --> 00:17:37,956
It's not so bad. Everyone's okay.
245
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:40,125
You've gotta watch out for the stealing.
246
00:17:42,335 --> 00:17:44,337
So, what's your name? Your last name.
247
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,339
Everyone uses last names here.
248
00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:49,134
I'm Morello and that is Watson.
249
00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:51,552
Chapman.
250
00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:53,554
And how much time you got, Chapman?
251
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:55,974
Fifteen months.
252
00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:58,768
Oh, that's not so bad. I got 34,
253
00:17:58,852 --> 00:18:01,187
but I'm hoping with
good time it'll be less.
254
00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:05,566
You... so you're a... they let you drive?
255
00:18:05,692 --> 00:18:07,652
Well, who else is gonna do it?
256
00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:10,030
We do everything around here.
257
00:18:11,238 --> 00:18:14,701
Hey, can I ask you something?
You look like you'd know.
258
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,410
All right, which dress you like better?
259
00:18:16,536 --> 00:18:17,829
My top two faves are the ones
260
00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:20,206
with the half-and-half
lids stuck to the pages.
261
00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:23,835
See, I want something that's
gonna express my personality.
262
00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:27,296
And the trick is, I wanna
show off the boobs and the ass,
263
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:30,133
but I'm not so happy with the
upper arms and the stomach,
264
00:18:30,216 --> 00:18:32,052
so there's the challenge.
265
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,181
Both nice.
266
00:18:37,223 --> 00:18:38,474
That's all you gotta say?
267
00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:44,397
I gotta look good. My first
dance is gonna go on YouTube.
268
00:18:44,522 --> 00:18:47,525
Look! I found a rock that looks
like a penis with one ball.
269
00:18:47,608 --> 00:18:49,819
- No.
- It's my Lance Armstrong rock.
270
00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:53,656
Hold it up. Let me see, let me see. Nice.
271
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,491
Okay, now lick it, softly and tenderly,
272
00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:56,951
like you would've when
you thought he was clean.
273
00:18:57,077 --> 00:18:58,411
Oh, Jesus! Shut that thing off.
274
00:18:58,494 --> 00:19:00,580
You're making a huge
mistake. This could go viral.
275
00:19:00,747 --> 00:19:01,789
Seriously, shut it off.
276
00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:03,750
- What?
- I'm so fat from all the stress-eating.
277
00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:06,419
I really don't want a record of it.
278
00:19:08,254 --> 00:19:10,590
You know, that's one thing
I'm gonna do in prison.
279
00:19:10,673 --> 00:19:12,842
I'm gonna get ripped.
280
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,595
Like Jackie Warner ripped.
281
00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:19,265
And I'm gonna read everything
on my Amazon wish list.
282
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:23,686
And maybe even learn a craft,
you know? I could be crafty.
283
00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:25,396
I'm gonna make it count, Larry.
284
00:19:25,479 --> 00:19:28,858
I'm not gonna throw away a year of my life.
285
00:19:28,942 --> 00:19:30,401
What the hell are you looking for?
286
00:19:36,490 --> 00:19:37,951
Oh, no!
287
00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:39,119
What is that?
288
00:19:39,202 --> 00:19:40,787
Piper...
289
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:42,663
Oh, Jesus, Larry. Why would you want...
290
00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:47,543
Why would I want a felonious,
former lesbian, WASP-shiksa
291
00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:49,129
who's about to go to prison, to marry me?
292
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,297
Yes. And all of the stress-eating?
293
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:56,094
Well, because this peculiar,
294
00:19:57,303 --> 00:20:01,057
underachieving, underemployed
Jew-boy loves her.
295
00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:06,312
And knows that he will never be bored,
296
00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:12,652
and can't believe how
lucky he is that he met her.
297
00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:18,658
I gotta lock this shit down
before you leave, Pipes.
298
00:20:21,494 --> 00:20:22,870
I love you.
299
00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:25,581
You wanna marry me?
300
00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:27,708
When I get out, right?
301
00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:29,502
Whenever you want.
302
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:31,754
I'll be so ripped.
303
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,844
You could wear a wedding dress
that's like a half-shirt, you know?
304
00:20:37,927 --> 00:20:39,595
Show off those abs.
305
00:20:39,679 --> 00:20:41,181
Yeah!
306
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:48,646
Was it your grandmother's?
307
00:20:48,813 --> 00:20:51,357
No, my mom's saving that one for my sister.
308
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:53,901
This is my great-aunt Marcia's.
309
00:20:54,027 --> 00:20:55,486
She had thyroid cancer
310
00:20:55,569 --> 00:20:58,739
and a series of schnauzers, all
named Schnapps. That's all I know.
311
00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:03,410
Put it on. I had it sized. Good.
312
00:21:08,708 --> 00:21:09,959
It's beautiful.
313
00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:11,711
And that's a "yes," right?
314
00:21:11,794 --> 00:21:13,046
Yes.
315
00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:14,672
Yeah.
316
00:21:15,298 --> 00:21:17,925
Will you say that just
one more time for me?
317
00:21:18,051 --> 00:21:20,970
But, this time, just into the camera, okay?
318
00:21:21,054 --> 00:21:23,514
Oh, you asshole!
319
00:21:23,597 --> 00:21:25,474
- Come on, I had to capture the moment.
- Shit. Turn it off!
320
00:21:25,558 --> 00:21:27,352
- What?
- Give me that!
321
00:21:29,854 --> 00:21:32,106
Oh, you're cold. Come here.
322
00:21:32,232 --> 00:21:34,234
Bounce your legs up and
down. It keeps your feet warm.
323
00:21:34,317 --> 00:21:35,526
Thanks.
324
00:21:36,819 --> 00:21:39,364
You think your man is still
gonna be around when you're out?
325
00:21:39,446 --> 00:21:41,866
Yeah, he'll be there.
I'm the love of his life.
326
00:21:43,617 --> 00:21:45,619
Thirty-four months is a long time.
327
00:21:46,495 --> 00:21:48,414
Yeah, but she's the love of his life!
328
00:21:49,249 --> 00:21:51,542
And who the fuck asked you?
329
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:52,752
Head on up.
330
00:21:52,835 --> 00:21:54,379
All the gates open to one and two.
331
00:21:54,461 --> 00:21:57,757
All right, so his tie is gonna
match the bridesmaids' dresses.
332
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,175
There's six bridesmaids.
333
00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:01,302
My cousin's being a bitch, so
I'm thinking about dropping her.
334
00:22:10,311 --> 00:22:12,105
All right, let's go.
335
00:22:37,171 --> 00:22:38,256
Hello, Miss Claudette.
336
00:22:38,339 --> 00:22:39,840
Morello.
337
00:22:42,843 --> 00:22:44,095
Watch out for that one.
338
00:22:44,178 --> 00:22:46,306
Don't get me wrong, she's a good lady,
339
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:47,974
but you don't wanna get on her bad side.
340
00:22:48,724 --> 00:22:50,393
Go ahead. Go.
341
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:56,023
Okay, I'm gonna send you
all through to processing,
342
00:22:56,149 --> 00:22:57,482
you'll get your room assignments,
343
00:22:57,608 --> 00:23:00,694
and I'll meet you back here
and show you your bunks. Okay?
344
00:23:00,820 --> 00:23:03,239
Don't look so bummed.
Gonna get the wrinkles.
345
00:23:03,572 --> 00:23:06,159
All right, raise your
head and look at the lens.
346
00:23:07,492 --> 00:23:09,203
Oh, crap!
347
00:23:09,578 --> 00:23:12,290
New guy, what's your name, Bennett?
348
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,335
Bennett, it's not fucking working again.
349
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:17,753
- You turn it on?
- Yeah, I turned it on.
350
00:23:21,590 --> 00:23:25,052
Wait, I think I got it. Ready?
351
00:23:25,178 --> 00:23:26,511
Yeah. Yep.
352
00:23:28,014 --> 00:23:29,723
Wait, no.
353
00:23:29,849 --> 00:23:31,767
- What does this button do?
- No! Don't touch that.
354
00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:34,103
Sorry, princess.
355
00:23:35,062 --> 00:23:36,230
There's a cord right there.
356
00:23:36,356 --> 00:23:39,108
Do you think that that needs
to be connected to something?
357
00:23:40,443 --> 00:23:42,028
Shut your mouth and stand still.
358
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,159
- She's right.
- Okay, fine.
359
00:23:48,242 --> 00:23:49,369
Got it.
360
00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:50,619
I wasn't ready.
361
00:23:50,703 --> 00:23:52,663
Tough shit. Next.
362
00:23:53,039 --> 00:23:56,541
This is a TB test. Nice veins.
363
00:23:56,625 --> 00:23:58,461
- No track marks.
- Thanks.
364
00:23:58,543 --> 00:24:00,254
Tattoos?
365
00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:01,630
Oh, yeah.
366
00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:05,218
Oh, a fish. You like fish?
367
00:24:07,136 --> 00:24:10,390
Saw it on a scuba diving trip.
368
00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:11,765
Thought it was beautiful.
369
00:24:11,891 --> 00:24:16,979
I don't like fish. I like pork,
chicken. But it's a pretty fish.
370
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,690
Thanks.
371
00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:21,234
It's gonna rub off when I sweat.
372
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,404
No, it won't. It's waterproof. Stop.
373
00:24:26,571 --> 00:24:30,243
So, when this dries,
you should be good to go.
374
00:24:31,994 --> 00:24:33,287
How am I gonna get it off?
375
00:24:33,413 --> 00:24:34,539
Acetone.
376
00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,709
Great. Alex, I don't,
I don't know if I can...
377
00:24:38,792 --> 00:24:40,253
Hey.
378
00:24:40,336 --> 00:24:41,795
Hey, hey, hey.
379
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,305
You are a nice blonde lady, aren't you?
380
00:24:53,933 --> 00:24:55,726
A proper young lady.
381
00:24:57,311 --> 00:25:00,356
Just picking up her sensible
bag in the baggage claim
382
00:25:01,065 --> 00:25:04,444
before heading off to her mid-range
hotel to go over her schedules.
383
00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:06,904
Museum visits and fancy dinners.
384
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,706
It's all fine. It's all good.
385
00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:20,167
And I will meet you in Brussels,
386
00:25:20,293 --> 00:25:22,545
and everything will
work out perfectly, babe.
387
00:25:22,627 --> 00:25:23,963
I promise.
388
00:25:26,090 --> 00:25:27,967
It's all gonna be okay.
389
00:25:29,427 --> 00:25:30,428
Are you okay?
390
00:25:31,429 --> 00:25:33,764
Fine. I guess.
391
00:25:36,809 --> 00:25:38,311
What's PoPi?
392
00:25:38,436 --> 00:25:39,644
Poppy.
393
00:25:41,314 --> 00:25:44,858
It's a bath products line I'd
started with my friend, Polly.
394
00:25:44,984 --> 00:25:49,196
Polly and Piper. PoPi.
We're gonna be in Barneys.
395
00:25:49,863 --> 00:25:50,864
Barneys?
396
00:25:51,740 --> 00:25:53,117
It's a nice store.
397
00:25:55,244 --> 00:25:58,831
It's a pretty big case.
Criminal conspiracy.
398
00:25:58,956 --> 00:26:01,501
That's what they charged me with.
399
00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:04,128
I carried a suitcase of money.
400
00:26:04,211 --> 00:26:06,880
Drug money. Once.
401
00:26:07,923 --> 00:26:09,175
Ten years ago.
402
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:10,926
What's the statute of limitations on that?
403
00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:14,180
Twelve years.
404
00:26:15,181 --> 00:26:16,516
That's tough.
405
00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:17,808
Well,
406
00:26:19,393 --> 00:26:25,274
I did it, that one time, 10 years ago.
407
00:26:25,608 --> 00:26:26,775
What did your lawyer say?
408
00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,320
He said with the mandatory
minimums with drug crimes,
409
00:26:29,403 --> 00:26:32,156
he wouldn't recommend risking
a trial. So, I pleaded out.
410
00:26:32,406 --> 00:26:33,533
And here you are.
411
00:26:34,283 --> 00:26:35,284
Here I am.
412
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,039
Costing the tax payers money
and sweating in my armchair.
413
00:26:40,540 --> 00:26:42,958
You know, I've been here for 22 years,
414
00:26:43,042 --> 00:26:46,379
and I still can't figure
out how the system works.
415
00:26:47,046 --> 00:26:49,382
I got a crack dealer
who is doing nine months,
416
00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:54,261
and then I have a lady who
accidently backed into a mailman
417
00:26:54,387 --> 00:26:56,389
who is doing four years.
418
00:26:56,472 --> 00:26:58,723
I mean, the guy broke his
collar bone, but come on.
419
00:26:58,807 --> 00:27:00,601
I just don't get it.
420
00:27:03,062 --> 00:27:05,105
Are you gonna barf?
421
00:27:05,231 --> 00:27:06,273
Tell me if you're gonna barf.
422
00:27:06,399 --> 00:27:07,732
Because there's a can behind you.
423
00:27:07,816 --> 00:27:09,485
I won't barf.
424
00:27:09,569 --> 00:27:12,572
I will be truly displeased if
you barf anywhere but in that can.
425
00:27:13,447 --> 00:27:14,907
Not gonna barf.
426
00:27:17,076 --> 00:27:18,536
Miss Chapman,
427
00:27:20,037 --> 00:27:23,999
no one's gonna mess with
you here unless you let them.
428
00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:26,793
This isn't Oz.
429
00:27:27,044 --> 00:27:29,296
Women fight with gossip and rumors.
430
00:27:29,922 --> 00:27:34,594
They might peg you for rich and
try to hit you up for commissary.
431
00:27:36,136 --> 00:27:37,555
And there are lesbians.
432
00:27:39,098 --> 00:27:40,516
They're not gonna bother you.
433
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,602
They'll try to be your friend,
434
00:27:42,685 --> 00:27:44,103
just stay away from them.
435
00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:51,569
I want you to understand, you
do not have to have lesbian sex.
436
00:27:57,700 --> 00:27:59,368
I have a fianc�.
437
00:28:00,953 --> 00:28:02,121
His name is Larry.
438
00:28:02,204 --> 00:28:03,748
He's a writer.
439
00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:06,833
Can he come visit me?
440
00:28:06,959 --> 00:28:09,169
- Is he in here?
- Yes. Everybody's in there.
441
00:28:09,295 --> 00:28:12,381
All the people in the
PSI are cleared to visit.
442
00:28:12,465 --> 00:28:13,716
He can come this weekend.
443
00:28:14,634 --> 00:28:16,385
I'll make sure the list
is in the visiting room.
444
00:28:16,469 --> 00:28:18,220
Thank you so much, Mr. Healy.
445
00:28:19,513 --> 00:28:23,267
You just keep to yourself.
And you'll be fine.
446
00:28:23,350 --> 00:28:24,727
And don't make friends.
447
00:28:25,936 --> 00:28:31,317
And remember, nothing goes on
here that I don't know about.
448
00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:34,819
You know everything about
me! I tell you everything!
449
00:28:35,738 --> 00:28:38,324
The webcam horror, the
penis shaving incident.
450
00:28:38,407 --> 00:28:39,742
How do I not know this?
451
00:28:39,866 --> 00:28:42,244
What was I supposed to say? It was...
452
00:28:43,036 --> 00:28:44,246
It was a phase.
453
00:28:44,330 --> 00:28:48,875
It was my lost-soul,
post-college adventure phase.
454
00:28:50,628 --> 00:28:54,840
I was so embarrassed. I can't
believe that she did this.
455
00:28:54,965 --> 00:28:56,676
I can't believe you did this.
456
00:28:57,468 --> 00:28:58,678
I mean, who are you?
457
00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:02,014
I feel like I'm in a Bourne
movie. Have you killed?
458
00:29:04,475 --> 00:29:07,520
Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Baby. Stop. Stop, stop.
459
00:29:07,687 --> 00:29:08,979
Come on. Come on.
460
00:29:10,731 --> 00:29:11,816
Okay.
461
00:29:11,898 --> 00:29:13,567
You should break up with me.
462
00:29:13,693 --> 00:29:16,069
- What?
- You didn't sign up for this.
463
00:29:16,195 --> 00:29:19,948
Okay, stop it. Stop it.
Come on. Shh. It's okay.
464
00:29:20,324 --> 00:29:21,742
Okay?
465
00:29:21,908 --> 00:29:23,035
Okay?
466
00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:28,874
"Witness states, Piper
Chapman carried drug money.
467
00:29:28,957 --> 00:29:31,043
"Piper Chapman was part of the ring."
468
00:29:31,168 --> 00:29:32,378
Were you?
469
00:29:33,713 --> 00:29:35,088
I was 22.
470
00:29:36,173 --> 00:29:38,384
I thought that I was in love.
471
00:29:39,092 --> 00:29:40,761
I was in love.
472
00:29:40,886 --> 00:29:43,055
And it was all crazy.
473
00:29:43,138 --> 00:29:47,434
And then it got scary,
474
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,019
and I ran away,
475
00:29:49,102 --> 00:29:52,898
and I became the nice blonde
lady that I was supposed to be.
476
00:29:53,065 --> 00:29:58,195
I knew that she wasn't a
good person, but fuck her!
477
00:29:59,946 --> 00:30:03,617
Fuck her! This is not gonna be okay.
478
00:30:05,202 --> 00:30:06,453
- No.
- No.
479
00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:07,913
It's not.
480
00:30:13,544 --> 00:30:16,589
But we'll deal with it, okay?
481
00:30:19,258 --> 00:30:21,009
We'll figure it out.
482
00:30:21,886 --> 00:30:23,095
Have you called a lawyer?
483
00:30:24,179 --> 00:30:25,931
- No.
- I'll call my dad.
484
00:30:26,014 --> 00:30:28,475
No! No. Please don't call
your dad. He already hates me.
485
00:30:28,601 --> 00:30:31,812
Yeah, well, I love you.
486
00:30:31,937 --> 00:30:37,735
And, and he loves me, so, here we go.
487
00:30:38,402 --> 00:30:40,404
All right, we gotta hustle,
'cause the count's soon.
488
00:30:40,487 --> 00:30:42,907
Uh, rooms are there. Dorms are down there.
489
00:30:42,989 --> 00:30:44,950
Now, you are not allowed down there.
490
00:30:45,033 --> 00:30:47,119
It's out of bounds for you guys
until you get assigned there.
491
00:30:47,244 --> 00:30:48,829
You understand?
492
00:30:48,954 --> 00:30:50,497
Namaste, Jones!
493
00:30:50,623 --> 00:30:51,624
Namaste!
494
00:30:51,707 --> 00:30:53,500
She teaches yoga if you ever want.
495
00:30:53,626 --> 00:30:55,711
And she's good. She's very spiritual.
496
00:30:55,795 --> 00:30:57,630
All right, we got some offices here.
497
00:30:57,713 --> 00:31:00,800
This is the dining hall,
common room, counselor's office.
498
00:31:00,925 --> 00:31:02,426
Who you got for a counselor?
499
00:31:02,509 --> 00:31:03,844
Uh, Healy.
500
00:31:03,969 --> 00:31:05,137
Okay. Yeah.
501
00:31:05,262 --> 00:31:06,305
What?
502
00:31:06,388 --> 00:31:09,099
Nah, it's fine. It's fine. He does
his paperwork. That's a good thing.
503
00:31:10,350 --> 00:31:12,269
When do we get outfits like everybody?
504
00:31:12,352 --> 00:31:14,814
I don't know. Maybe
tomorrow after breakfast.
505
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:17,149
You go down, you speak to the lady...
506
00:31:19,151 --> 00:31:20,277
What the fuck?
507
00:31:21,528 --> 00:31:22,571
Friend of yours?
508
00:31:23,572 --> 00:31:26,116
No. It's my mom.
509
00:31:27,117 --> 00:31:30,704
All right, Chapman, Diaz, this is you.
510
00:31:30,830 --> 00:31:33,039
DeMarco, this is Chapman. She's new.
511
00:31:33,165 --> 00:31:34,583
Self-surrender. You show her what's what?
512
00:31:34,667 --> 00:31:35,876
Sure.
513
00:31:36,001 --> 00:31:39,087
Okay, Mendoza, this is Diaz.
Go, go. She'll help you.
514
00:31:42,299 --> 00:31:43,759
Um, I don't speak Spanish.
515
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,553
Great. Another fucking coconut.
516
00:31:46,679 --> 00:31:48,806
What's the matter with your
mother, she don't teach you Spanish?
517
00:31:51,391 --> 00:31:55,688
Here. Here's some tissues.
First night's always hard.
518
00:31:56,355 --> 00:32:00,025
And a toothbrush. They don't give you one.
519
00:32:01,067 --> 00:32:03,236
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for everything.
520
00:32:03,362 --> 00:32:06,031
No, no. It's no problem.
We look out for our own.
521
00:32:07,491 --> 00:32:08,575
Our own?
522
00:32:08,701 --> 00:32:12,788
Oh, don't get all PC on me. It's
tribal, not racist. I'll see you around.
523
00:32:19,670 --> 00:32:20,713
Tell me your name again?
524
00:32:20,796 --> 00:32:23,799
Piper. Chapman.
525
00:32:24,299 --> 00:32:25,425
That's Miss Rosa.
526
00:32:26,719 --> 00:32:30,096
And that's Nichols. Just
got out of SHU a week ago.
527
00:32:30,222 --> 00:32:33,642
Told a CO to kiss her ass. Dumb.
528
00:32:33,726 --> 00:32:35,686
Why make trouble for yourself, you know?
529
00:32:35,769 --> 00:32:37,521
SHU. That's solitary?
530
00:32:37,604 --> 00:32:40,691
Yep. And you don't want
it, honey. Trust me.
531
00:32:41,233 --> 00:32:43,610
Here's some toilet paper.
You gotta take it with you.
532
00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:46,780
Thanks. What's that thing?
533
00:32:48,490 --> 00:32:52,077
Oh, that's my machine. I need it at night.
534
00:32:52,202 --> 00:32:54,120
When I first got here, I
had a massive heart attack.
535
00:32:55,873 --> 00:32:56,916
Do you know about the count?
536
00:32:56,999 --> 00:32:58,667
Wait, can you go back to the heart attack?
537
00:32:58,751 --> 00:32:59,919
I don't like to dwell.
538
00:33:00,085 --> 00:33:02,087
How do I make a phone call?
539
00:33:02,212 --> 00:33:06,383
You need a PAC number. Fill
out a form. Whole rigmarole.
540
00:33:06,466 --> 00:33:09,135
But maybe Caputo will
let you make a call later.
541
00:33:09,261 --> 00:33:11,221
It helps if you cry.
542
00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:15,976
Don't make your bed!
543
00:33:16,101 --> 00:33:17,102
What?
544
00:33:17,185 --> 00:33:18,604
We'll make it for you.
545
00:33:18,729 --> 00:33:20,272
Oh, no, that's okay. You
don't need to do that.
546
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,481
Honey!
547
00:33:22,357 --> 00:33:25,778
We'll make the bed.
548
00:33:25,861 --> 00:33:26,862
We know how.
549
00:33:27,863 --> 00:33:28,989
I know how to make a bed.
550
00:33:29,114 --> 00:33:31,366
We know how to do it so
we'll pass inspection.
551
00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:35,537
You can help clean. We clean
everything with Maxi Pads.
552
00:33:36,121 --> 00:33:37,122
Seriously?
553
00:33:37,289 --> 00:33:39,750
Yep. It's a head-scratcher,
but that's what we got.
554
00:33:40,459 --> 00:33:42,461
So, we make our beds in
the morning before they...
555
00:33:42,586 --> 00:33:46,339
No. You sleep on top of the
bed. With a blanket over you.
556
00:33:46,966 --> 00:33:48,467
What if I want to sleep in the bed?
557
00:33:48,592 --> 00:33:50,761
Look, you can do what you want,
558
00:33:50,844 --> 00:33:53,973
but you will be the only one
in this entire prison that does.
559
00:33:54,098 --> 00:33:56,850
You want that? Be my guest.
560
00:33:56,976 --> 00:33:59,895
Count time! Count time! Count time, ladies!
561
00:34:00,312 --> 00:34:03,148
That light comes on, you need to
be where you're supposed to be,
562
00:34:03,273 --> 00:34:06,819
and you don't move until
it goes off. Dinner's after.
563
00:34:07,903 --> 00:34:09,989
Hey, blanca. You speak Spanish?
564
00:34:10,823 --> 00:34:13,700
Un poco. Entiendo mas
de lo que puedo hablar.
565
00:34:14,284 --> 00:34:17,663
You see, fucking white girl speaks Spanish.
566
00:34:32,594 --> 00:34:33,637
So?
567
00:34:33,846 --> 00:34:35,097
Shh. Wait.
568
00:34:46,692 --> 00:34:47,943
Dinner's at 4:30?
569
00:34:48,068 --> 00:34:49,903
Recount, ladies!
570
00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:53,157
They always screw it up.
571
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,159
How hard is it to fucking count?
572
00:34:55,241 --> 00:34:57,161
Nicky, this is uh...
573
00:34:57,285 --> 00:34:58,704
Piper. Uh, Chapman.
574
00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,707
Look at you, blondie. What'd you do?
575
00:35:01,790 --> 00:35:04,459
Aren't you not supposed
to ask that question?
576
00:35:04,543 --> 00:35:06,211
I read that you're not
supposed to ask that.
577
00:35:07,046 --> 00:35:08,463
You read that?
578
00:35:09,255 --> 00:35:11,842
What, you studied for prison?
579
00:35:20,893 --> 00:35:21,894
What did you do?
580
00:35:22,019 --> 00:35:23,603
I can't understand your French.
581
00:35:23,729 --> 00:35:26,565
Mon bag! Bag!
582
00:35:26,648 --> 00:35:28,067
My bag hasn't arrived.
583
00:35:28,233 --> 00:35:31,070
Oh! The bags do not make it
onto the right flight sometime.
584
00:35:31,153 --> 00:35:33,113
Wait for the next shuttle from Paris.
585
00:35:33,238 --> 00:35:35,032
It's probably on that plane.
586
00:36:01,183 --> 00:36:02,935
Mon bag!
587
00:36:03,018 --> 00:36:04,103
My bag.
588
00:36:18,283 --> 00:36:19,785
- Bonjour.
- Oh! Bonjour.
589
00:36:20,953 --> 00:36:23,789
Welcome to Belgium. All good?
590
00:36:25,415 --> 00:36:27,292
I was starting to worry.
Where did you come from?
591
00:36:27,417 --> 00:36:28,418
Over there.
592
00:36:29,502 --> 00:36:30,712
You didn't go through customs?
593
00:36:30,879 --> 00:36:33,215
No, I just walked out of that
door and it brought me right here.
594
00:36:33,298 --> 00:36:37,385
You skipped customs?
Holy shit! It's genius.
595
00:36:37,510 --> 00:36:40,097
- Well, should I go back?
- Fuck, no. We're going to the hotel.
596
00:36:40,180 --> 00:36:42,390
I'm gonna eat you for dinner.
597
00:36:43,516 --> 00:36:46,478
Alex, I was so freaked out when the
bag didn't show up, I almost bailed.
598
00:36:46,645 --> 00:36:48,188
Well, it's good thing you didn't.
599
00:36:48,313 --> 00:36:49,606
There's over 50 grand in that bag.
600
00:36:49,689 --> 00:36:52,025
Kubra would have had you killed. Come on.
601
00:36:53,735 --> 00:36:55,654
Keep moving. You're blocking up the works.
602
00:37:04,496 --> 00:37:07,082
Okay, go sit there.
She's a nice white lady.
603
00:37:08,875 --> 00:37:09,876
Thanks.
604
00:37:20,512 --> 00:37:21,680
Hi.
605
00:37:23,348 --> 00:37:24,516
It's okay if I sit here?
606
00:37:25,142 --> 00:37:26,351
Sure, newbie.
607
00:37:28,353 --> 00:37:29,437
I'm Jones.
608
00:37:30,105 --> 00:37:31,273
Chapman.
609
00:37:32,482 --> 00:37:33,942
You doing okay, Chapman?
610
00:37:34,693 --> 00:37:37,029
I don't really know how
to answer that question.
611
00:37:38,446 --> 00:37:40,782
Everything's pretty surreal right now.
612
00:37:43,952 --> 00:37:45,912
Do you know what a mandala is?
613
00:37:46,412 --> 00:37:47,455
Um...
614
00:37:47,539 --> 00:37:49,875
Those are those round Buddhist art things.
615
00:37:50,083 --> 00:37:53,879
The Tibetan monks make
them out of dyed sand
616
00:37:54,004 --> 00:37:57,507
laid out into big, beautiful designs.
617
00:37:57,883 --> 00:38:01,553
And when they're done,
after days or weeks of work,
618
00:38:01,678 --> 00:38:03,722
they wipe it all away.
619
00:38:05,224 --> 00:38:08,227
Wow. That's a lot.
620
00:38:08,643 --> 00:38:12,647
Try to look at your experience
here as a mandala, Chapman.
621
00:38:13,899 --> 00:38:18,904
Work hard to make something as
meaningful and beautiful as you can.
622
00:38:18,987 --> 00:38:22,699
And when you're done, pack it
in and know it was all temporary.
623
00:38:23,325 --> 00:38:27,662
You have to remember
that. It's all temporary.
624
00:38:29,081 --> 00:38:30,874
It's all temporary.
625
00:38:32,084 --> 00:38:37,463
I'm telling you. Surviving
here is all about perspective.
626
00:38:40,592 --> 00:38:41,760
Don't eat the pudding.
627
00:38:41,885 --> 00:38:43,887
What's the perspective on the pudding?
628
00:38:43,970 --> 00:38:46,139
It comes in big cans marked "Desert Storm."
629
00:38:47,057 --> 00:38:51,270
Sometimes the kitchen has to scrape the
mold off the top before they serve it.
630
00:38:51,811 --> 00:38:53,063
Hi, there.
631
00:38:53,730 --> 00:38:56,524
Hi, Sister. This is Chapman.
632
00:38:57,150 --> 00:38:58,318
Sister? As in nun?
633
00:38:58,526 --> 00:39:00,904
Yep. A killer nun.
634
00:39:01,696 --> 00:39:03,740
Now, stop it. She doesn't
know you're joking.
635
00:39:03,823 --> 00:39:07,577
She chained herself to a
flagpole at a nuclear test site.
636
00:39:11,915 --> 00:39:13,292
Amen.
637
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:16,920
So. Now, Chapman, what's your story?
638
00:39:17,670 --> 00:39:19,756
I chained myself to a drug dealer.
639
00:39:21,841 --> 00:39:25,304
Piper, you can't be taking
advice from a nun and a hippie.
640
00:39:25,511 --> 00:39:29,975
By all means, seek out the supreme
wisdom of the junkie philosopher.
641
00:39:30,475 --> 00:39:31,643
I pray for you, Nicky.
642
00:39:31,893 --> 00:39:34,938
Aw. I pray for you, too, Sister.
643
00:39:35,021 --> 00:39:38,524
I lust after you, Yoga
Jones, those sinewy arms.
644
00:39:39,859 --> 00:39:41,320
You gotta love a yoga body.
645
00:39:41,445 --> 00:39:43,989
You should come to class.
Watch me chaturanga.
646
00:39:44,197 --> 00:39:46,199
That whole common room smells like farts.
647
00:39:46,325 --> 00:39:47,826
It kind of takes away the magic for me.
648
00:39:48,243 --> 00:39:49,411
You like pussy, Piper?
649
00:39:49,869 --> 00:39:52,164
Or you prefer pipe as your name suggests?
650
00:39:52,247 --> 00:39:54,499
I'm feeling some Sapphic
vibes coming off you.
651
00:39:54,624 --> 00:39:56,042
Oh, leave her alone.
652
00:39:57,585 --> 00:39:58,670
Come on, Sister.
653
00:39:58,795 --> 00:40:00,839
You know you would've gone my
way if you hadn't married Jesus.
654
00:40:08,221 --> 00:40:09,306
Thank you, Mommy.
655
00:40:11,683 --> 00:40:12,725
Thanks, Red.
656
00:40:15,937 --> 00:40:17,022
Thanks, Red.
657
00:40:20,442 --> 00:40:21,567
She's your mom?
658
00:40:21,734 --> 00:40:23,111
Maternal figurehead.
659
00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:25,947
My actual mother lives in
Brazil with her boyfriend, Paolo,
660
00:40:26,031 --> 00:40:28,658
who destroys rainforests and
collects photorealistic art.
661
00:40:28,741 --> 00:40:30,702
She is a cunt. I am an embarrassment.
662
00:40:30,785 --> 00:40:33,413
Hey, Red. You got one of those for me?
663
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,874
You got what I asked you for?
664
00:40:36,291 --> 00:40:37,959
Uh, I'm working on it.
665
00:40:38,710 --> 00:40:43,048
So am I. Treats come when I sleep better.
666
00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:51,014
How hard is it to get me
a board from the woodshop?
667
00:40:51,097 --> 00:40:52,640
People.
668
00:40:54,893 --> 00:40:56,019
Who's this?
669
00:40:56,395 --> 00:41:00,524
This is Chapman. She's new.
Self-surrender. Thinks she's fancy.
670
00:41:02,150 --> 00:41:05,904
Here, fancy. Have a yogurt.
671
00:41:09,657 --> 00:41:11,243
What do I have to do for it?
672
00:41:12,244 --> 00:41:16,081
You're new. You're one
of us. Consider it a gift.
673
00:41:16,873 --> 00:41:21,044
Thank you. Thank you so much.
674
00:41:24,756 --> 00:41:26,925
The food here is disgusting.
675
00:41:36,726 --> 00:41:37,810
What?
676
00:41:38,019 --> 00:41:40,021
Did I mention that Red runs the kitchen?
677
00:41:42,732 --> 00:41:46,194
Shit. I'm sorry.
678
00:41:51,241 --> 00:41:52,576
Honey.
679
00:41:53,577 --> 00:41:55,954
I know you just got here, so
you don't know what's what.
680
00:41:56,246 --> 00:41:57,830
Well, I'm gonna tell you.
681
00:41:57,956 --> 00:42:02,752
You don't like the food? It's no problem.
682
00:42:10,218 --> 00:42:14,264
Holy shit. That was an epic fuck-up.
683
00:42:17,058 --> 00:42:18,059
Can I help you?
684
00:42:18,226 --> 00:42:22,147
Um, I'm Chapman. I'm new today.
685
00:42:22,355 --> 00:42:25,775
They told me I should talk to
you. I don't have a PAC number.
686
00:42:25,942 --> 00:42:27,110
Who's they?
687
00:42:29,821 --> 00:42:34,200
Mr. Caputo, please let me call my fianc�.
688
00:42:34,326 --> 00:42:36,077
I have to let him know I'm okay.
689
00:42:37,621 --> 00:42:40,624
Two minutes. You got
two minutes, that's it.
690
00:42:40,706 --> 00:42:42,792
Close the door, I don't
want a run on my office.
691
00:42:42,917 --> 00:42:45,337
Inmate Gonzalez report to the supply room.
692
00:42:51,343 --> 00:42:53,052
Dial nine to get out.
693
00:43:03,229 --> 00:43:05,190
- Hello, Larry's phone.
- Amy?
694
00:43:05,315 --> 00:43:06,941
- Piper?
- Give me the phone.
695
00:43:07,025 --> 00:43:08,818
One second. Can I say hello?
696
00:43:08,943 --> 00:43:11,196
Amy, I only have two minutes to talk.
697
00:43:11,321 --> 00:43:14,032
Are you okay? What's it like in there?
698
00:43:14,115 --> 00:43:17,410
Howard and I brought
Chinese. Larry is so upset.
699
00:43:17,536 --> 00:43:18,537
- Mom.
- Let him talk, Amy.
700
00:43:18,662 --> 00:43:19,663
Ma, give me the phone.
701
00:43:19,745 --> 00:43:21,289
Amy, please let me talk to Larry.
702
00:43:21,373 --> 00:43:24,334
You know, I read that when
Martha Stewart was in prison,
703
00:43:24,417 --> 00:43:25,835
she foraged for dandelions.
704
00:43:26,002 --> 00:43:27,420
Okay, Mom, please.
705
00:43:27,546 --> 00:43:30,298
- I was talking!
- Amy, it's not always about you, dear.
706
00:43:30,423 --> 00:43:32,217
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Piper?
707
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:34,344
I only have a minute now. I'm
calling from the guard's office.
708
00:43:34,427 --> 00:43:36,179
Hey, are you okay? What's going on?
709
00:43:36,262 --> 00:43:37,556
I love you so much.
710
00:43:37,639 --> 00:43:39,516
I love you, too. Are you okay?
711
00:43:39,599 --> 00:43:42,227
I'm wearing granny panties and
I've only spoken to white people.
712
00:43:42,352 --> 00:43:44,604
You joining the Aryan Nation?
713
00:43:44,729 --> 00:43:46,565
I don't know. But there's a nun here.
714
00:43:46,731 --> 00:43:48,900
And you're not allowed to sleep
in your bed. Only on top of it.
715
00:43:48,983 --> 00:43:50,026
That's weird.
716
00:43:50,151 --> 00:43:51,194
I know, right?
717
00:43:51,277 --> 00:43:52,320
And when I got here, they gave me these
718
00:43:52,404 --> 00:43:54,698
little bars of hotel soap, but no shampoo.
719
00:43:55,073 --> 00:43:58,784
But I think that I can borrow
some from other white people.
720
00:43:59,911 --> 00:44:01,454
I love you so much.
721
00:44:03,039 --> 00:44:05,542
One of my roommates had a massive
heart attack when she got here.
722
00:44:05,667 --> 00:44:07,919
Okay, you are not allowed
to have a heart attack.
723
00:44:09,128 --> 00:44:10,296
What did you have for dinner?
724
00:44:11,172 --> 00:44:13,216
My folks brought from The Palace.
725
00:44:13,341 --> 00:44:15,635
Oh. The Palace.
726
00:44:16,636 --> 00:44:18,263
Dinner here was scary liver.
727
00:44:19,138 --> 00:44:21,307
And I insulted the chef,
728
00:44:21,433 --> 00:44:23,809
and you're not supposed to eat the pudding
729
00:44:23,935 --> 00:44:25,311
because it's been to Desert Storm.
730
00:44:25,437 --> 00:44:28,273
Piper, listen to me. You
cannot lose your shit, okay?
731
00:44:28,356 --> 00:44:30,734
I mean it. Please, please tell
me you're keeping it together.
732
00:44:30,816 --> 00:44:33,695
Please, please tell me you're okay.
733
00:44:33,861 --> 00:44:36,740
- Wrap it up, Chapman.
- I'm Chapman here.
734
00:44:36,948 --> 00:44:42,787
You're my Pipes, okay? And, uh, I
love you, and this is only temporary.
735
00:44:43,788 --> 00:44:46,791
That's what Yoga Jones said.
But it's just been one day.
736
00:44:46,874 --> 00:44:48,334
And I can't, I can't!
737
00:44:48,460 --> 00:44:50,629
Piper, you can. You so can, okay?
738
00:44:50,754 --> 00:44:53,632
You are so strong, babe. You...
739
00:44:53,715 --> 00:44:55,049
And you love adventure, right?
740
00:44:55,133 --> 00:44:57,427
That's what got you in there, and
that's what's gonna get you through.
741
00:44:57,510 --> 00:45:01,431
This is all just a big adventure
with liver and Yoga Jones,
742
00:45:01,514 --> 00:45:03,308
and racism.
743
00:45:03,475 --> 00:45:05,727
You can come on Friday.
Please come on Friday.
744
00:45:05,809 --> 00:45:07,061
Tell my mother to come on Saturday,
745
00:45:07,145 --> 00:45:08,938
and don't tell her that
you're coming on Friday, okay?
746
00:45:09,021 --> 00:45:10,814
Of course. Okay?
747
00:45:10,898 --> 00:45:12,858
Two sleeps. That's it.
748
00:45:12,984 --> 00:45:15,236
Two sleeps on top of your bed.
749
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,655
And then, I will be there.
750
00:45:17,363 --> 00:45:19,991
Coming up on lights out. Say goodbye.
751
00:45:20,824 --> 00:45:21,825
I have to go.
752
00:45:21,951 --> 00:45:23,077
Hey, no crying.
753
00:45:23,161 --> 00:45:24,370
I'm not crying.
754
00:45:24,496 --> 00:45:26,706
Piper, I love you. I
will see you on Friday.
755
00:45:26,830 --> 00:45:29,833
Please, be brave. Don't let
anyone into your granny panties.
756
00:45:29,959 --> 00:45:31,043
I love you.
757
00:45:31,169 --> 00:45:32,462
I love you.
758
00:45:37,258 --> 00:45:40,261
Your head's not here yet.
Don't worry, it'll catch up.
759
00:45:41,471 --> 00:45:44,265
In the meantime, try to get some sleep.
760
00:45:44,349 --> 00:45:47,435
Orientation is tomorrow at 9:00.
761
00:45:47,519 --> 00:45:49,270
Shampoo for you.
762
00:45:51,648 --> 00:45:53,857
I think the words you're
looking for are, "Thank you."
763
00:45:54,526 --> 00:45:55,859
Thank you.
764
00:45:56,695 --> 00:45:57,903
Good night, Chapman.
765
00:46:02,158 --> 00:46:03,867
Close the door behind you.
766
00:46:22,554 --> 00:46:25,139
Chapman. Hey, Chapman.
767
00:46:25,223 --> 00:46:26,224
- What?
- Rise and shine.
768
00:46:26,349 --> 00:46:27,475
What? What?
769
00:46:27,559 --> 00:46:30,311
You want time to shower
and eat, you gotta get up.
770
00:46:30,436 --> 00:46:32,438
Aw, look at your eyes.
771
00:46:32,564 --> 00:46:33,939
You should put some cold water on them.
772
00:46:34,065 --> 00:46:35,358
Okay. Thanks.
773
00:46:35,441 --> 00:46:37,068
Take a nice shower, get dressed,
774
00:46:37,193 --> 00:46:39,404
you'll start to feel normal soon enough.
775
00:46:39,987 --> 00:46:41,698
- You got
flip-flops? - No.
776
00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:45,660
Oh, honey. There's wicked
fungus in the showers.
777
00:47:03,595 --> 00:47:05,597
You're driving me crazy!
778
00:47:37,545 --> 00:47:39,756
Everyone gets a piece
of fruit at breakfast.
779
00:47:39,839 --> 00:47:43,050
I'm telling you, it'll all start
to feel normal, soon. Really.
780
00:47:43,635 --> 00:47:46,262
- You hungry?
- I'm starving. Excuse me.
781
00:47:46,429 --> 00:47:47,971
- Such pretty hair.
- Thank you.
782
00:47:48,180 --> 00:47:49,223
When those roots start to show,
783
00:47:49,307 --> 00:47:50,642
be sure to come and see me, okay?
784
00:47:50,725 --> 00:47:52,477
I'll take good care of you.
785
00:47:52,602 --> 00:47:55,438
But even if you don't come
to me, don't go to Danita.
786
00:47:55,521 --> 00:47:59,024
She'll burn the shit out of
your scalp. Go. Line's moving.
787
00:48:00,151 --> 00:48:01,444
Wait, Chapman? Are you Chapman?
788
00:48:01,569 --> 00:48:02,654
Yes.
789
00:48:06,574 --> 00:48:08,534
Red says she made that special for you.
790
00:48:08,660 --> 00:48:11,663
Wow. Thanks. Tell her I said thanks.
791
00:48:11,830 --> 00:48:13,748
I don't say nothing.
I'm just working. Next.
792
00:48:15,625 --> 00:48:16,668
Man, I'm telling you,
793
00:48:16,793 --> 00:48:19,671
before my teeth got knocked
out, I had this awesome gap.
794
00:48:19,754 --> 00:48:21,589
Now they look like Chiclets, look.
795
00:48:21,714 --> 00:48:23,633
You're crazy. Your fake
teeth are beautiful.
796
00:48:23,716 --> 00:48:25,426
Bet you never get the food stuck in them.
797
00:48:25,510 --> 00:48:27,219
So, you got the nice
fresh breath all the time.
798
00:48:27,345 --> 00:48:28,304
It's minty. It's beautiful.
799
00:48:28,387 --> 00:48:30,348
It's like God put them in you every day.
800
00:48:30,431 --> 00:48:31,850
A summer breeze coming over here.
801
00:48:32,015 --> 00:48:34,519
- Yeah? You like that?
- Always smell... Yeah. Yeah.
802
00:48:37,396 --> 00:48:38,648
What did you do?
803
00:48:38,731 --> 00:48:40,232
She insulted the food in front of Red.
804
00:48:40,399 --> 00:48:42,694
Oh, jeez. I don't think you're
gonna be eating for a while.
805
00:48:43,862 --> 00:48:47,782
Oh! Put it away. I'm enjoying
menopause very much, thank you.
806
00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:51,369
You gotta figure out how to
make things right with Red.
807
00:48:51,536 --> 00:48:53,412
And yeah, yeah. You
gotta go down to laundry.
808
00:48:53,538 --> 00:48:56,039
Don't forget that. And check
the elastic on all the pants.
809
00:48:56,165 --> 00:48:57,917
Don't let them get you
stretched-out garbage.
810
00:48:58,041 --> 00:49:00,169
Orientation starts in 10 minutes.
811
00:49:00,252 --> 00:49:02,547
At least you had a nice
shower this morning, right?
812
00:49:02,630 --> 00:49:03,882
I think I saw you in there?
813
00:49:08,051 --> 00:49:11,723
I don't... I don't know. Excuse me.
814
00:49:11,806 --> 00:49:14,057
Hey! Hey, hey, don't forget,
you gotta bus your tray.
815
00:49:20,732 --> 00:49:22,608
Where's she going with that tray?
816
00:49:22,734 --> 00:49:23,776
Can't take them out of here.
817
00:49:23,943 --> 00:49:25,068
Yeah, she'll figure it out.
818
00:49:25,277 --> 00:49:26,905
Was she really in the shower this morning?
819
00:49:48,426 --> 00:49:50,428
Maybe this is a bad time to say hi, huh?
820
00:49:51,305 --> 00:50:51,370
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