All language subtitles for Orange.Is.The.New.Black.S01E01.720p.BrRip.x264-@iMediaShare

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam Download
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,935 --> 00:00:09,271 I've always loved getting clean. 2 00:00:10,563 --> 00:00:12,149 I love baths. 3 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,361 I love showers. 4 00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:23,869 It's my happy place. 5 00:00:30,376 --> 00:00:32,127 Was my happy place. 6 00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:43,389 All inmates in D dorm must be checked for lice. 7 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,184 Repeat, all inmates in D dorm must be checked for lice. 8 00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:52,647 Oh, I'll be out in a sec. I swear. 9 00:00:52,731 --> 00:00:56,902 I'll wait. There best be some hot water left. 10 00:00:57,069 --> 00:00:59,238 There wasn't very much when I started. 11 00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:02,908 Man, hurry! 12 00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:05,911 All right, okay, okay. 13 00:01:06,036 --> 00:01:08,080 I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out. 14 00:01:08,205 --> 00:01:10,040 Damn, you got some nice titties. 15 00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:13,626 - Thank you. - You got them TV titties. 16 00:01:13,752 --> 00:01:16,963 They stand up on they own all perky and everything. 17 00:01:17,089 --> 00:01:18,631 Okay. 18 00:01:20,259 --> 00:01:23,803 You know they sell flip-flops at the commissary. 19 00:01:24,346 --> 00:01:26,098 My money's not in yet, so. 20 00:01:26,223 --> 00:01:29,809 You creative. I give you that, high-tits. 21 00:01:31,103 --> 00:01:33,272 Now get the fuck out the way. 22 00:01:33,604 --> 00:01:34,647 Okay. 23 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==- 24 00:03:07,669 --> 00:03:09,755 So, there's an entire pig in there? 25 00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,006 Yes. 26 00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:12,549 For four of us? 27 00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:16,137 It's a small pig. I really wanted to use the box. 28 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,721 It was my birthday present. 29 00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,974 She's guilty she's leaving. 30 00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,475 It's a guilt pig-roasting box. 31 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,351 At least you get something. 32 00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:26,188 I'm not getting laid for a year, too, but what do I get? 33 00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:27,815 A baby? 34 00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,233 But you can't eat it. 35 00:03:30,985 --> 00:03:33,988 - Are we really gonna eat that? - It's thematic. 36 00:03:34,071 --> 00:03:35,739 You're not serving time in Cuba. 37 00:03:36,073 --> 00:03:37,449 Pigs. Cops. 38 00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:43,956 How the fuck are you going to jail tomorrow? 39 00:03:44,623 --> 00:03:46,458 Prison, not jail. 40 00:03:47,709 --> 00:03:49,170 You're missing my shower. 41 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,546 Polly, I'm really sorry. 42 00:03:52,923 --> 00:03:54,216 I know. 43 00:03:57,178 --> 00:04:00,347 You focus on how you're gonna maintain your eyebrows behind bars. 44 00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:03,683 You may not come back with a unibrow. 45 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,021 Am I allowed to cry? 46 00:04:07,104 --> 00:04:09,690 No. Seriously, no. 47 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,987 Okay, we are ready. Everybody inside. 48 00:04:15,445 --> 00:04:16,613 - Need a hoist? - Yeah. 49 00:04:16,697 --> 00:04:18,282 Big girl. 50 00:04:18,615 --> 00:04:20,408 On to the last supper. 51 00:04:23,537 --> 00:04:25,497 - We got to do it. - I know. 52 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,834 God, we really should not have eaten so much. 53 00:04:28,917 --> 00:04:31,337 I know. Come on, we gotta rally. 54 00:04:31,503 --> 00:04:32,587 Okay. 55 00:04:32,713 --> 00:04:35,883 - Make some memories, you know? - Yeah. 56 00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,719 You need spank-bank material. 57 00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:41,805 Oh, well, I mean, when you say it like that. 58 00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,694 - Wait, I got... - What? 59 00:04:55,777 --> 00:04:57,905 - I gotta pee. - What? No. 60 00:04:57,988 --> 00:04:59,031 - Yeah. - Really? 61 00:04:59,114 --> 00:05:01,242 I just... 62 00:05:02,117 --> 00:05:04,661 I'll be... I'll be right back. 63 00:05:08,749 --> 00:05:09,875 Hey. 64 00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,710 Yeah? 65 00:05:12,961 --> 00:05:14,213 You look beautiful. 66 00:05:16,631 --> 00:05:17,841 Thanks. 67 00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:32,273 Oh, shit. 68 00:06:32,374 --> 00:06:33,499 What? 69 00:06:37,338 --> 00:06:39,340 You look beautiful, too. 70 00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:47,055 Come on. Get in. 71 00:07:08,618 --> 00:07:09,953 Hey. You're crying. 72 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,707 Just fuck me. 73 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,042 Piper. 74 00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,793 Shut up. 75 00:07:16,877 --> 00:07:20,088 Please. Please. 76 00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:24,385 Okay. 77 00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:05,675 No visiting today. 78 00:08:05,759 --> 00:08:09,096 Hi, um, I'm here to surrender. 79 00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,764 Oh, okay, then. 80 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,770 Did he look surprised to you? 81 00:08:16,853 --> 00:08:19,481 When I said that I was here to surrender? Didn't he look surprised? 82 00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:21,358 Like, "What the hell is she doing here?" 83 00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:25,112 - I didn't notice. - Well, he looked surprised to me. 84 00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:31,910 I look like shit. My eyes are all puffy. 85 00:08:31,993 --> 00:08:33,078 You're worried about how you look? 86 00:08:33,161 --> 00:08:34,288 Well, they're gonna know that I was crying. 87 00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:36,039 It's a sign of weakness. You can't show any weakness. 88 00:08:36,123 --> 00:08:37,499 That's what all of the books said. 89 00:08:37,624 --> 00:08:38,708 Oh, sweetie... 90 00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,627 Don't call me sweetie. 91 00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,129 Oh, Leonard. 92 00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:44,798 That's better. 93 00:08:50,971 --> 00:08:52,931 I can't take it with me. 94 00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:58,270 Oh, okay. Right. 95 00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:02,608 What are you doing? 96 00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:03,733 What? 97 00:09:03,817 --> 00:09:05,193 You can't put that in your pocket. 98 00:09:05,319 --> 00:09:07,237 It's gonna end up at the bottom of the washing machine. 99 00:09:07,321 --> 00:09:08,989 Okay. Um... 100 00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:10,449 Where would you like me to put it then, Piper? 101 00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:11,992 Up your ass. 102 00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:15,329 There's no room. Apparently, my head's already up there. 103 00:09:16,246 --> 00:09:17,581 I'm sorry. 104 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:21,751 It's okay. 105 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:26,256 You know what? 106 00:09:27,508 --> 00:09:30,760 I'm gonna put it in my wallet. Okay? 107 00:09:30,844 --> 00:09:35,182 And when I get home, I will put it in your jewelry box. 108 00:09:35,974 --> 00:09:37,934 Until I'm short on rent, then I may hock it. 109 00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:41,438 But I'll try to get it back before you're out. 110 00:09:47,819 --> 00:09:48,945 We should go. 111 00:09:49,571 --> 00:09:50,697 Okay. 112 00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:55,536 Okay. 113 00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:58,038 Self-surrender. 114 00:09:58,163 --> 00:09:59,914 Yeah, well, no one told me either. 115 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,333 Available guards... 116 00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:03,293 Got the paperwork right here. 117 00:10:03,377 --> 00:10:05,379 Name is Chapman. 118 00:10:06,129 --> 00:10:11,552 Yeah. Chap, like when your lips get all dry they're chapped. 119 00:10:11,843 --> 00:10:12,844 Have a seat. 120 00:10:16,348 --> 00:10:18,308 Piper. Rhymes with sniper. 121 00:10:18,392 --> 00:10:21,102 Inmate Robinson to the visitor area. 122 00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:26,191 You hungry? 123 00:10:26,274 --> 00:10:27,442 Not really. 124 00:10:27,568 --> 00:10:29,236 Guard Thomson to the tower. 125 00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:30,487 Eat anyway. 126 00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:32,531 It's burrata. 127 00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:35,242 Thank you. 128 00:10:39,787 --> 00:10:43,750 My mother told her friends I'm doing volunteer work in Africa. 129 00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:49,089 I bet they're all appalled that you've gone somewhere so filthy and dangerous. 130 00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:56,680 So I never carried drugs. Just money. 131 00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:58,932 You were a lesbian? 132 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,059 At the time. 133 00:11:02,018 --> 00:11:03,103 You still a lesbian? 134 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,146 No, I'm not still a lesbian. 135 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,607 You sure? 136 00:11:08,024 --> 00:11:12,237 I once kissed Mary Straley when I was at Miss Porter's school. 137 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,614 But it wasn't for me. 138 00:11:13,947 --> 00:11:14,989 Wow. 139 00:11:15,865 --> 00:11:16,950 Did you know about all this? 140 00:11:17,117 --> 00:11:20,454 No. No, no, I didn't. 141 00:11:22,163 --> 00:11:25,041 I mean, she told me how she traveled after college, 142 00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:27,294 but she failed to mention the lesbian lover 143 00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,254 who ran an international drug smuggling ring. 144 00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:31,005 Imagine my surprise. 145 00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:34,134 What on earth did you do with the money? 146 00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:37,137 Well, Grandmother, I wasn't really in it for the money. 147 00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:40,432 Oh, Piper, for heaven's sake! 148 00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:47,648 So this is my last post as a free woman. 149 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,108 - What are you gonna write? - Hey! 150 00:11:50,191 --> 00:11:52,444 Oh, no. You cannot have a phone in here. 151 00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:54,488 This is a federal facility. You have to take that out. 152 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,906 Oh, can I? Am I allowed to go out? 153 00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:58,032 He can take it out. 154 00:11:58,158 --> 00:12:00,535 So no phone? 155 00:12:00,661 --> 00:12:02,203 - You knew that. - Now. 156 00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:04,164 Oh, my God, Larry, by the time I get out 157 00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:06,625 there'll have been, like, three new generations of iPhones. 158 00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:09,503 Sir, I can get an officer to escort you out. 159 00:12:09,586 --> 00:12:13,256 No, I'm going. It's okay, I'm going, okay? I'll be right back, okay? 160 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,384 I'll take the phone to the car, I'll be right back. 161 00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:17,719 Okay? Two seconds. 162 00:12:17,843 --> 00:12:19,262 - Yeah? - Okay. 163 00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,223 Two seconds. 164 00:12:25,519 --> 00:12:26,687 - Chapman! - Yes. 165 00:12:28,021 --> 00:12:31,024 Yes, that's me. But you have to wait. 166 00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:32,359 You're telling me what I have to do? 167 00:12:33,443 --> 00:12:35,362 Get your ass over here, Chapman, now. Move it. 168 00:12:35,445 --> 00:12:36,571 He's, he's gonna be right back. 169 00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:37,863 We've been waiting here for two hours. 170 00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:39,324 And the wait is over. 171 00:12:39,407 --> 00:12:40,866 Here's your temporary ID, 172 00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:43,495 you'll stick this on your uniform when we get to that. Now... 173 00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:45,539 - Here. I'm here. Here I am. - Here he is. 174 00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,833 - Who's this? - My fianc�. 175 00:12:47,915 --> 00:12:49,167 Yeah? Good luck with that. 176 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,377 Excuse me? 177 00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:52,212 - Any personal items? - Here. 178 00:12:55,965 --> 00:12:57,175 You can't take this check. 179 00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:59,427 But we called last week. And they told me to bring it. 180 00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:00,721 He has to send it to Iowa. 181 00:13:00,804 --> 00:13:02,222 It takes a few weeks to process. 182 00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,850 A few weeks? Doesn't she need to buy things? 183 00:13:04,932 --> 00:13:06,017 How it is. 184 00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:08,520 Where do we send it? 185 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:11,398 Hey, you got that Iowa address? 186 00:13:12,315 --> 00:13:15,402 Any Nudie Judies in here? Skin pics? Naughty stuff? 187 00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,780 No. No Nudie Judies. 188 00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:21,032 Time to say goodbye. It might be a while till you can visit, fianc�. 189 00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:24,910 I love you so much. 190 00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:26,037 I love you, too! 191 00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:28,206 - I'll call you as soon as I can. - Okay. 192 00:13:28,289 --> 00:13:30,458 Okay? Please send that check immediately. 193 00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:31,917 Okay. I will. 194 00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,254 I love you. Please keep my website updated. 195 00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:35,422 I love you so much. 196 00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:38,924 It's okay. 197 00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:49,935 It's okay. 198 00:14:01,782 --> 00:14:04,117 - What size shoe are you? - Nine and a half, ten. 199 00:14:10,039 --> 00:14:11,458 These are kinda like Toms. 200 00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:14,294 - Who's Tom? - Toms are shoes. 201 00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:17,547 When you buy a pair, the company gives another to a child in need. 202 00:14:17,631 --> 00:14:20,091 They're great. And they come in lots of different colors and... 203 00:14:20,174 --> 00:14:21,468 How nice. 204 00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:24,471 Strip. 205 00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:48,161 Get over here. 206 00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:02,467 Come here. 207 00:15:15,396 --> 00:15:17,273 Are you gonna miss me? 208 00:15:18,191 --> 00:15:19,526 Yes. 209 00:15:22,612 --> 00:15:23,655 Too much. 210 00:15:27,116 --> 00:15:28,242 Come with me. 211 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,244 What? 212 00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:32,622 Come to Bali. 213 00:15:34,248 --> 00:15:36,250 Come with me. I mean it. I'll buy you a plane ticket. 214 00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:41,381 Are you serious? 215 00:15:43,925 --> 00:15:45,134 Yes. 216 00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:52,934 Come with me. Quit your job. Come with me. 217 00:15:53,894 --> 00:15:58,189 Well, I'd have to give notice. 218 00:15:58,272 --> 00:16:00,734 You're a fucking waitress. You don't need to give a notice. 219 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,486 Will I get in trouble? 220 00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:04,654 God, I hope so. 221 00:16:09,325 --> 00:16:11,411 You know what I mean. 222 00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:13,371 You don't have to do anything. 223 00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:17,667 You're just there to keep me company, all right? 224 00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:22,881 Come on, babe. I want you to come. 225 00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:24,799 And I want you to come. 226 00:16:28,762 --> 00:16:30,597 Yes? Is that a yes? 227 00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:31,932 Yes. 228 00:16:33,641 --> 00:16:34,893 Yes. 229 00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:36,811 Open your mouth, stick out your tongue. 230 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,188 Inmates, an updated facility rules with 231 00:16:39,272 --> 00:16:41,107 inmate discipline list is posted in the day room. 232 00:16:43,276 --> 00:16:44,402 Lift up your arms. 233 00:16:47,321 --> 00:16:48,615 Turn around. 234 00:16:52,285 --> 00:16:53,411 Squat. 235 00:16:56,748 --> 00:16:58,374 Spread your cheeks and cough. 236 00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:01,962 Seriously? 237 00:17:14,891 --> 00:17:16,101 That it? 238 00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:17,852 One more coming, hold on. 239 00:17:23,316 --> 00:17:24,525 My zipper's broken. 240 00:17:27,361 --> 00:17:28,488 First time down? 241 00:17:28,613 --> 00:17:29,823 My first time here? 242 00:17:30,364 --> 00:17:32,533 Oh, no, your first time in prison? 243 00:17:32,659 --> 00:17:34,953 Oh, yeah. 244 00:17:35,036 --> 00:17:37,956 It's not so bad. Everyone's okay. 245 00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:40,125 You've gotta watch out for the stealing. 246 00:17:42,335 --> 00:17:44,337 So, what's your name? Your last name. 247 00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,339 Everyone uses last names here. 248 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:49,134 I'm Morello and that is Watson. 249 00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:51,552 Chapman. 250 00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:53,554 And how much time you got, Chapman? 251 00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:55,974 Fifteen months. 252 00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:58,768 Oh, that's not so bad. I got 34, 253 00:17:58,852 --> 00:18:01,187 but I'm hoping with good time it'll be less. 254 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:05,566 You... so you're a... they let you drive? 255 00:18:05,692 --> 00:18:07,652 Well, who else is gonna do it? 256 00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:10,030 We do everything around here. 257 00:18:11,238 --> 00:18:14,701 Hey, can I ask you something? You look like you'd know. 258 00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,410 All right, which dress you like better? 259 00:18:16,536 --> 00:18:17,829 My top two faves are the ones 260 00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:20,206 with the half-and-half lids stuck to the pages. 261 00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:23,835 See, I want something that's gonna express my personality. 262 00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:27,296 And the trick is, I wanna show off the boobs and the ass, 263 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:30,133 but I'm not so happy with the upper arms and the stomach, 264 00:18:30,216 --> 00:18:32,052 so there's the challenge. 265 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,181 Both nice. 266 00:18:37,223 --> 00:18:38,474 That's all you gotta say? 267 00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:44,397 I gotta look good. My first dance is gonna go on YouTube. 268 00:18:44,522 --> 00:18:47,525 Look! I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. 269 00:18:47,608 --> 00:18:49,819 - No. - It's my Lance Armstrong rock. 270 00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:53,656 Hold it up. Let me see, let me see. Nice. 271 00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,491 Okay, now lick it, softly and tenderly, 272 00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:56,951 like you would've when you thought he was clean. 273 00:18:57,077 --> 00:18:58,411 Oh, Jesus! Shut that thing off. 274 00:18:58,494 --> 00:19:00,580 You're making a huge mistake. This could go viral. 275 00:19:00,747 --> 00:19:01,789 Seriously, shut it off. 276 00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:03,750 - What? - I'm so fat from all the stress-eating. 277 00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:06,419 I really don't want a record of it. 278 00:19:08,254 --> 00:19:10,590 You know, that's one thing I'm gonna do in prison. 279 00:19:10,673 --> 00:19:12,842 I'm gonna get ripped. 280 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,595 Like Jackie Warner ripped. 281 00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:19,265 And I'm gonna read everything on my Amazon wish list. 282 00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:23,686 And maybe even learn a craft, you know? I could be crafty. 283 00:19:23,770 --> 00:19:25,396 I'm gonna make it count, Larry. 284 00:19:25,479 --> 00:19:28,858 I'm not gonna throw away a year of my life. 285 00:19:28,942 --> 00:19:30,401 What the hell are you looking for? 286 00:19:36,490 --> 00:19:37,951 Oh, no! 287 00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:39,119 What is that? 288 00:19:39,202 --> 00:19:40,787 Piper... 289 00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:42,663 Oh, Jesus, Larry. Why would you want... 290 00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:47,543 Why would I want a felonious, former lesbian, WASP-shiksa 291 00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:49,129 who's about to go to prison, to marry me? 292 00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,297 Yes. And all of the stress-eating? 293 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:56,094 Well, because this peculiar, 294 00:19:57,303 --> 00:20:01,057 underachieving, underemployed Jew-boy loves her. 295 00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:06,312 And knows that he will never be bored, 296 00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:12,652 and can't believe how lucky he is that he met her. 297 00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:18,658 I gotta lock this shit down before you leave, Pipes. 298 00:20:21,494 --> 00:20:22,870 I love you. 299 00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:25,581 You wanna marry me? 300 00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:27,708 When I get out, right? 301 00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:29,502 Whenever you want. 302 00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:31,754 I'll be so ripped. 303 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,844 You could wear a wedding dress that's like a half-shirt, you know? 304 00:20:37,927 --> 00:20:39,595 Show off those abs. 305 00:20:39,679 --> 00:20:41,181 Yeah! 306 00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:48,646 Was it your grandmother's? 307 00:20:48,813 --> 00:20:51,357 No, my mom's saving that one for my sister. 308 00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:53,901 This is my great-aunt Marcia's. 309 00:20:54,027 --> 00:20:55,486 She had thyroid cancer 310 00:20:55,569 --> 00:20:58,739 and a series of schnauzers, all named Schnapps. That's all I know. 311 00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:03,410 Put it on. I had it sized. Good. 312 00:21:08,708 --> 00:21:09,959 It's beautiful. 313 00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:11,711 And that's a "yes," right? 314 00:21:11,794 --> 00:21:13,046 Yes. 315 00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:14,672 Yeah. 316 00:21:15,298 --> 00:21:17,925 Will you say that just one more time for me? 317 00:21:18,051 --> 00:21:20,970 But, this time, just into the camera, okay? 318 00:21:21,054 --> 00:21:23,514 Oh, you asshole! 319 00:21:23,597 --> 00:21:25,474 - Come on, I had to capture the moment. - Shit. Turn it off! 320 00:21:25,558 --> 00:21:27,352 - What? - Give me that! 321 00:21:29,854 --> 00:21:32,106 Oh, you're cold. Come here. 322 00:21:32,232 --> 00:21:34,234 Bounce your legs up and down. It keeps your feet warm. 323 00:21:34,317 --> 00:21:35,526 Thanks. 324 00:21:36,819 --> 00:21:39,364 You think your man is still gonna be around when you're out? 325 00:21:39,446 --> 00:21:41,866 Yeah, he'll be there. I'm the love of his life. 326 00:21:43,617 --> 00:21:45,619 Thirty-four months is a long time. 327 00:21:46,495 --> 00:21:48,414 Yeah, but she's the love of his life! 328 00:21:49,249 --> 00:21:51,542 And who the fuck asked you? 329 00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:52,752 Head on up. 330 00:21:52,835 --> 00:21:54,379 All the gates open to one and two. 331 00:21:54,461 --> 00:21:57,757 All right, so his tie is gonna match the bridesmaids' dresses. 332 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,175 There's six bridesmaids. 333 00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:01,302 My cousin's being a bitch, so I'm thinking about dropping her. 334 00:22:10,311 --> 00:22:12,105 All right, let's go. 335 00:22:37,171 --> 00:22:38,256 Hello, Miss Claudette. 336 00:22:38,339 --> 00:22:39,840 Morello. 337 00:22:42,843 --> 00:22:44,095 Watch out for that one. 338 00:22:44,178 --> 00:22:46,306 Don't get me wrong, she's a good lady, 339 00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:47,974 but you don't wanna get on her bad side. 340 00:22:48,724 --> 00:22:50,393 Go ahead. Go. 341 00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:56,023 Okay, I'm gonna send you all through to processing, 342 00:22:56,149 --> 00:22:57,482 you'll get your room assignments, 343 00:22:57,608 --> 00:23:00,694 and I'll meet you back here and show you your bunks. Okay? 344 00:23:00,820 --> 00:23:03,239 Don't look so bummed. Gonna get the wrinkles. 345 00:23:03,572 --> 00:23:06,159 All right, raise your head and look at the lens. 346 00:23:07,492 --> 00:23:09,203 Oh, crap! 347 00:23:09,578 --> 00:23:12,290 New guy, what's your name, Bennett? 348 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,335 Bennett, it's not fucking working again. 349 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:17,753 - You turn it on? - Yeah, I turned it on. 350 00:23:21,590 --> 00:23:25,052 Wait, I think I got it. Ready? 351 00:23:25,178 --> 00:23:26,511 Yeah. Yep. 352 00:23:28,014 --> 00:23:29,723 Wait, no. 353 00:23:29,849 --> 00:23:31,767 - What does this button do? - No! Don't touch that. 354 00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:34,103 Sorry, princess. 355 00:23:35,062 --> 00:23:36,230 There's a cord right there. 356 00:23:36,356 --> 00:23:39,108 Do you think that that needs to be connected to something? 357 00:23:40,443 --> 00:23:42,028 Shut your mouth and stand still. 358 00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,159 - She's right. - Okay, fine. 359 00:23:48,242 --> 00:23:49,369 Got it. 360 00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:50,619 I wasn't ready. 361 00:23:50,703 --> 00:23:52,663 Tough shit. Next. 362 00:23:53,039 --> 00:23:56,541 This is a TB test. Nice veins. 363 00:23:56,625 --> 00:23:58,461 - No track marks. - Thanks. 364 00:23:58,543 --> 00:24:00,254 Tattoos? 365 00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:01,630 Oh, yeah. 366 00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:05,218 Oh, a fish. You like fish? 367 00:24:07,136 --> 00:24:10,390 Saw it on a scuba diving trip. 368 00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:11,765 Thought it was beautiful. 369 00:24:11,891 --> 00:24:16,979 I don't like fish. I like pork, chicken. But it's a pretty fish. 370 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:19,690 Thanks. 371 00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:21,234 It's gonna rub off when I sweat. 372 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,404 No, it won't. It's waterproof. Stop. 373 00:24:26,571 --> 00:24:30,243 So, when this dries, you should be good to go. 374 00:24:31,994 --> 00:24:33,287 How am I gonna get it off? 375 00:24:33,413 --> 00:24:34,539 Acetone. 376 00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,709 Great. Alex, I don't, I don't know if I can... 377 00:24:38,792 --> 00:24:40,253 Hey. 378 00:24:40,336 --> 00:24:41,795 Hey, hey, hey. 379 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,305 You are a nice blonde lady, aren't you? 380 00:24:53,933 --> 00:24:55,726 A proper young lady. 381 00:24:57,311 --> 00:25:00,356 Just picking up her sensible bag in the baggage claim 382 00:25:01,065 --> 00:25:04,444 before heading off to her mid-range hotel to go over her schedules. 383 00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:06,904 Museum visits and fancy dinners. 384 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,706 It's all fine. It's all good. 385 00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:20,167 And I will meet you in Brussels, 386 00:25:20,293 --> 00:25:22,545 and everything will work out perfectly, babe. 387 00:25:22,627 --> 00:25:23,963 I promise. 388 00:25:26,090 --> 00:25:27,967 It's all gonna be okay. 389 00:25:29,427 --> 00:25:30,428 Are you okay? 390 00:25:31,429 --> 00:25:33,764 Fine. I guess. 391 00:25:36,809 --> 00:25:38,311 What's PoPi? 392 00:25:38,436 --> 00:25:39,644 Poppy. 393 00:25:41,314 --> 00:25:44,858 It's a bath products line I'd started with my friend, Polly. 394 00:25:44,984 --> 00:25:49,196 Polly and Piper. PoPi. We're gonna be in Barneys. 395 00:25:49,863 --> 00:25:50,864 Barneys? 396 00:25:51,740 --> 00:25:53,117 It's a nice store. 397 00:25:55,244 --> 00:25:58,831 It's a pretty big case. Criminal conspiracy. 398 00:25:58,956 --> 00:26:01,501 That's what they charged me with. 399 00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:04,128 I carried a suitcase of money. 400 00:26:04,211 --> 00:26:06,880 Drug money. Once. 401 00:26:07,923 --> 00:26:09,175 Ten years ago. 402 00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:10,926 What's the statute of limitations on that? 403 00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:14,180 Twelve years. 404 00:26:15,181 --> 00:26:16,516 That's tough. 405 00:26:16,641 --> 00:26:17,808 Well, 406 00:26:19,393 --> 00:26:25,274 I did it, that one time, 10 years ago. 407 00:26:25,608 --> 00:26:26,775 What did your lawyer say? 408 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,320 He said with the mandatory minimums with drug crimes, 409 00:26:29,403 --> 00:26:32,156 he wouldn't recommend risking a trial. So, I pleaded out. 410 00:26:32,406 --> 00:26:33,533 And here you are. 411 00:26:34,283 --> 00:26:35,284 Here I am. 412 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:40,039 Costing the tax payers money and sweating in my armchair. 413 00:26:40,540 --> 00:26:42,958 You know, I've been here for 22 years, 414 00:26:43,042 --> 00:26:46,379 and I still can't figure out how the system works. 415 00:26:47,046 --> 00:26:49,382 I got a crack dealer who is doing nine months, 416 00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:54,261 and then I have a lady who accidently backed into a mailman 417 00:26:54,387 --> 00:26:56,389 who is doing four years. 418 00:26:56,472 --> 00:26:58,723 I mean, the guy broke his collar bone, but come on. 419 00:26:58,807 --> 00:27:00,601 I just don't get it. 420 00:27:03,062 --> 00:27:05,105 Are you gonna barf? 421 00:27:05,231 --> 00:27:06,273 Tell me if you're gonna barf. 422 00:27:06,399 --> 00:27:07,732 Because there's a can behind you. 423 00:27:07,816 --> 00:27:09,485 I won't barf. 424 00:27:09,569 --> 00:27:12,572 I will be truly displeased if you barf anywhere but in that can. 425 00:27:13,447 --> 00:27:14,907 Not gonna barf. 426 00:27:17,076 --> 00:27:18,536 Miss Chapman, 427 00:27:20,037 --> 00:27:23,999 no one's gonna mess with you here unless you let them. 428 00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:26,793 This isn't Oz. 429 00:27:27,044 --> 00:27:29,296 Women fight with gossip and rumors. 430 00:27:29,922 --> 00:27:34,594 They might peg you for rich and try to hit you up for commissary. 431 00:27:36,136 --> 00:27:37,555 And there are lesbians. 432 00:27:39,098 --> 00:27:40,516 They're not gonna bother you. 433 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,602 They'll try to be your friend, 434 00:27:42,685 --> 00:27:44,103 just stay away from them. 435 00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:51,569 I want you to understand, you do not have to have lesbian sex. 436 00:27:57,700 --> 00:27:59,368 I have a fianc�. 437 00:28:00,953 --> 00:28:02,121 His name is Larry. 438 00:28:02,204 --> 00:28:03,748 He's a writer. 439 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:06,833 Can he come visit me? 440 00:28:06,959 --> 00:28:09,169 - Is he in here? - Yes. Everybody's in there. 441 00:28:09,295 --> 00:28:12,381 All the people in the PSI are cleared to visit. 442 00:28:12,465 --> 00:28:13,716 He can come this weekend. 443 00:28:14,634 --> 00:28:16,385 I'll make sure the list is in the visiting room. 444 00:28:16,469 --> 00:28:18,220 Thank you so much, Mr. Healy. 445 00:28:19,513 --> 00:28:23,267 You just keep to yourself. And you'll be fine. 446 00:28:23,350 --> 00:28:24,727 And don't make friends. 447 00:28:25,936 --> 00:28:31,317 And remember, nothing goes on here that I don't know about. 448 00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:34,819 You know everything about me! I tell you everything! 449 00:28:35,738 --> 00:28:38,324 The webcam horror, the penis shaving incident. 450 00:28:38,407 --> 00:28:39,742 How do I not know this? 451 00:28:39,866 --> 00:28:42,244 What was I supposed to say? It was... 452 00:28:43,036 --> 00:28:44,246 It was a phase. 453 00:28:44,330 --> 00:28:48,875 It was my lost-soul, post-college adventure phase. 454 00:28:50,628 --> 00:28:54,840 I was so embarrassed. I can't believe that she did this. 455 00:28:54,965 --> 00:28:56,676 I can't believe you did this. 456 00:28:57,468 --> 00:28:58,678 I mean, who are you? 457 00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:02,014 I feel like I'm in a Bourne movie. Have you killed? 458 00:29:04,475 --> 00:29:07,520 Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Baby. Stop. Stop, stop. 459 00:29:07,687 --> 00:29:08,979 Come on. Come on. 460 00:29:10,731 --> 00:29:11,816 Okay. 461 00:29:11,898 --> 00:29:13,567 You should break up with me. 462 00:29:13,693 --> 00:29:16,069 - What? - You didn't sign up for this. 463 00:29:16,195 --> 00:29:19,948 Okay, stop it. Stop it. Come on. Shh. It's okay. 464 00:29:20,324 --> 00:29:21,742 Okay? 465 00:29:21,908 --> 00:29:23,035 Okay? 466 00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:28,874 "Witness states, Piper Chapman carried drug money. 467 00:29:28,957 --> 00:29:31,043 "Piper Chapman was part of the ring." 468 00:29:31,168 --> 00:29:32,378 Were you? 469 00:29:33,713 --> 00:29:35,088 I was 22. 470 00:29:36,173 --> 00:29:38,384 I thought that I was in love. 471 00:29:39,092 --> 00:29:40,761 I was in love. 472 00:29:40,886 --> 00:29:43,055 And it was all crazy. 473 00:29:43,138 --> 00:29:47,434 And then it got scary, 474 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,019 and I ran away, 475 00:29:49,102 --> 00:29:52,898 and I became the nice blonde lady that I was supposed to be. 476 00:29:53,065 --> 00:29:58,195 I knew that she wasn't a good person, but fuck her! 477 00:29:59,946 --> 00:30:03,617 Fuck her! This is not gonna be okay. 478 00:30:05,202 --> 00:30:06,453 - No. - No. 479 00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:07,913 It's not. 480 00:30:13,544 --> 00:30:16,589 But we'll deal with it, okay? 481 00:30:19,258 --> 00:30:21,009 We'll figure it out. 482 00:30:21,886 --> 00:30:23,095 Have you called a lawyer? 483 00:30:24,179 --> 00:30:25,931 - No. - I'll call my dad. 484 00:30:26,014 --> 00:30:28,475 No! No. Please don't call your dad. He already hates me. 485 00:30:28,601 --> 00:30:31,812 Yeah, well, I love you. 486 00:30:31,937 --> 00:30:37,735 And, and he loves me, so, here we go. 487 00:30:38,402 --> 00:30:40,404 All right, we gotta hustle, 'cause the count's soon. 488 00:30:40,487 --> 00:30:42,907 Uh, rooms are there. Dorms are down there. 489 00:30:42,989 --> 00:30:44,950 Now, you are not allowed down there. 490 00:30:45,033 --> 00:30:47,119 It's out of bounds for you guys until you get assigned there. 491 00:30:47,244 --> 00:30:48,829 You understand? 492 00:30:48,954 --> 00:30:50,497 Namaste, Jones! 493 00:30:50,623 --> 00:30:51,624 Namaste! 494 00:30:51,707 --> 00:30:53,500 She teaches yoga if you ever want. 495 00:30:53,626 --> 00:30:55,711 And she's good. She's very spiritual. 496 00:30:55,795 --> 00:30:57,630 All right, we got some offices here. 497 00:30:57,713 --> 00:31:00,800 This is the dining hall, common room, counselor's office. 498 00:31:00,925 --> 00:31:02,426 Who you got for a counselor? 499 00:31:02,509 --> 00:31:03,844 Uh, Healy. 500 00:31:03,969 --> 00:31:05,137 Okay. Yeah. 501 00:31:05,262 --> 00:31:06,305 What? 502 00:31:06,388 --> 00:31:09,099 Nah, it's fine. It's fine. He does his paperwork. That's a good thing. 503 00:31:10,350 --> 00:31:12,269 When do we get outfits like everybody? 504 00:31:12,352 --> 00:31:14,814 I don't know. Maybe tomorrow after breakfast. 505 00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:17,149 You go down, you speak to the lady... 506 00:31:19,151 --> 00:31:20,277 What the fuck? 507 00:31:21,528 --> 00:31:22,571 Friend of yours? 508 00:31:23,572 --> 00:31:26,116 No. It's my mom. 509 00:31:27,117 --> 00:31:30,704 All right, Chapman, Diaz, this is you. 510 00:31:30,830 --> 00:31:33,039 DeMarco, this is Chapman. She's new. 511 00:31:33,165 --> 00:31:34,583 Self-surrender. You show her what's what? 512 00:31:34,667 --> 00:31:35,876 Sure. 513 00:31:36,001 --> 00:31:39,087 Okay, Mendoza, this is Diaz. Go, go. She'll help you. 514 00:31:42,299 --> 00:31:43,759 Um, I don't speak Spanish. 515 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,553 Great. Another fucking coconut. 516 00:31:46,679 --> 00:31:48,806 What's the matter with your mother, she don't teach you Spanish? 517 00:31:51,391 --> 00:31:55,688 Here. Here's some tissues. First night's always hard. 518 00:31:56,355 --> 00:32:00,025 And a toothbrush. They don't give you one. 519 00:32:01,067 --> 00:32:03,236 Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. 520 00:32:03,362 --> 00:32:06,031 No, no. It's no problem. We look out for our own. 521 00:32:07,491 --> 00:32:08,575 Our own? 522 00:32:08,701 --> 00:32:12,788 Oh, don't get all PC on me. It's tribal, not racist. I'll see you around. 523 00:32:19,670 --> 00:32:20,713 Tell me your name again? 524 00:32:20,796 --> 00:32:23,799 Piper. Chapman. 525 00:32:24,299 --> 00:32:25,425 That's Miss Rosa. 526 00:32:26,719 --> 00:32:30,096 And that's Nichols. Just got out of SHU a week ago. 527 00:32:30,222 --> 00:32:33,642 Told a CO to kiss her ass. Dumb. 528 00:32:33,726 --> 00:32:35,686 Why make trouble for yourself, you know? 529 00:32:35,769 --> 00:32:37,521 SHU. That's solitary? 530 00:32:37,604 --> 00:32:40,691 Yep. And you don't want it, honey. Trust me. 531 00:32:41,233 --> 00:32:43,610 Here's some toilet paper. You gotta take it with you. 532 00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:46,780 Thanks. What's that thing? 533 00:32:48,490 --> 00:32:52,077 Oh, that's my machine. I need it at night. 534 00:32:52,202 --> 00:32:54,120 When I first got here, I had a massive heart attack. 535 00:32:55,873 --> 00:32:56,916 Do you know about the count? 536 00:32:56,999 --> 00:32:58,667 Wait, can you go back to the heart attack? 537 00:32:58,751 --> 00:32:59,919 I don't like to dwell. 538 00:33:00,085 --> 00:33:02,087 How do I make a phone call? 539 00:33:02,212 --> 00:33:06,383 You need a PAC number. Fill out a form. Whole rigmarole. 540 00:33:06,466 --> 00:33:09,135 But maybe Caputo will let you make a call later. 541 00:33:09,261 --> 00:33:11,221 It helps if you cry. 542 00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:15,976 Don't make your bed! 543 00:33:16,101 --> 00:33:17,102 What? 544 00:33:17,185 --> 00:33:18,604 We'll make it for you. 545 00:33:18,729 --> 00:33:20,272 Oh, no, that's okay. You don't need to do that. 546 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,481 Honey! 547 00:33:22,357 --> 00:33:25,778 We'll make the bed. 548 00:33:25,861 --> 00:33:26,862 We know how. 549 00:33:27,863 --> 00:33:28,989 I know how to make a bed. 550 00:33:29,114 --> 00:33:31,366 We know how to do it so we'll pass inspection. 551 00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:35,537 You can help clean. We clean everything with Maxi Pads. 552 00:33:36,121 --> 00:33:37,122 Seriously? 553 00:33:37,289 --> 00:33:39,750 Yep. It's a head-scratcher, but that's what we got. 554 00:33:40,459 --> 00:33:42,461 So, we make our beds in the morning before they... 555 00:33:42,586 --> 00:33:46,339 No. You sleep on top of the bed. With a blanket over you. 556 00:33:46,966 --> 00:33:48,467 What if I want to sleep in the bed? 557 00:33:48,592 --> 00:33:50,761 Look, you can do what you want, 558 00:33:50,844 --> 00:33:53,973 but you will be the only one in this entire prison that does. 559 00:33:54,098 --> 00:33:56,850 You want that? Be my guest. 560 00:33:56,976 --> 00:33:59,895 Count time! Count time! Count time, ladies! 561 00:34:00,312 --> 00:34:03,148 That light comes on, you need to be where you're supposed to be, 562 00:34:03,273 --> 00:34:06,819 and you don't move until it goes off. Dinner's after. 563 00:34:07,903 --> 00:34:09,989 Hey, blanca. You speak Spanish? 564 00:34:10,823 --> 00:34:13,700 Un poco. Entiendo mas de lo que puedo hablar. 565 00:34:14,284 --> 00:34:17,663 You see, fucking white girl speaks Spanish. 566 00:34:32,594 --> 00:34:33,637 So? 567 00:34:33,846 --> 00:34:35,097 Shh. Wait. 568 00:34:46,692 --> 00:34:47,943 Dinner's at 4:30? 569 00:34:48,068 --> 00:34:49,903 Recount, ladies! 570 00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:53,157 They always screw it up. 571 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,159 How hard is it to fucking count? 572 00:34:55,241 --> 00:34:57,161 Nicky, this is uh... 573 00:34:57,285 --> 00:34:58,704 Piper. Uh, Chapman. 574 00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,707 Look at you, blondie. What'd you do? 575 00:35:01,790 --> 00:35:04,459 Aren't you not supposed to ask that question? 576 00:35:04,543 --> 00:35:06,211 I read that you're not supposed to ask that. 577 00:35:07,046 --> 00:35:08,463 You read that? 578 00:35:09,255 --> 00:35:11,842 What, you studied for prison? 579 00:35:20,893 --> 00:35:21,894 What did you do? 580 00:35:22,019 --> 00:35:23,603 I can't understand your French. 581 00:35:23,729 --> 00:35:26,565 Mon bag! Bag! 582 00:35:26,648 --> 00:35:28,067 My bag hasn't arrived. 583 00:35:28,233 --> 00:35:31,070 Oh! The bags do not make it onto the right flight sometime. 584 00:35:31,153 --> 00:35:33,113 Wait for the next shuttle from Paris. 585 00:35:33,238 --> 00:35:35,032 It's probably on that plane. 586 00:36:01,183 --> 00:36:02,935 Mon bag! 587 00:36:03,018 --> 00:36:04,103 My bag. 588 00:36:18,283 --> 00:36:19,785 - Bonjour. - Oh! Bonjour. 589 00:36:20,953 --> 00:36:23,789 Welcome to Belgium. All good? 590 00:36:25,415 --> 00:36:27,292 I was starting to worry. Where did you come from? 591 00:36:27,417 --> 00:36:28,418 Over there. 592 00:36:29,502 --> 00:36:30,712 You didn't go through customs? 593 00:36:30,879 --> 00:36:33,215 No, I just walked out of that door and it brought me right here. 594 00:36:33,298 --> 00:36:37,385 You skipped customs? Holy shit! It's genius. 595 00:36:37,510 --> 00:36:40,097 - Well, should I go back? - Fuck, no. We're going to the hotel. 596 00:36:40,180 --> 00:36:42,390 I'm gonna eat you for dinner. 597 00:36:43,516 --> 00:36:46,478 Alex, I was so freaked out when the bag didn't show up, I almost bailed. 598 00:36:46,645 --> 00:36:48,188 Well, it's good thing you didn't. 599 00:36:48,313 --> 00:36:49,606 There's over 50 grand in that bag. 600 00:36:49,689 --> 00:36:52,025 Kubra would have had you killed. Come on. 601 00:36:53,735 --> 00:36:55,654 Keep moving. You're blocking up the works. 602 00:37:04,496 --> 00:37:07,082 Okay, go sit there. She's a nice white lady. 603 00:37:08,875 --> 00:37:09,876 Thanks. 604 00:37:20,512 --> 00:37:21,680 Hi. 605 00:37:23,348 --> 00:37:24,516 It's okay if I sit here? 606 00:37:25,142 --> 00:37:26,351 Sure, newbie. 607 00:37:28,353 --> 00:37:29,437 I'm Jones. 608 00:37:30,105 --> 00:37:31,273 Chapman. 609 00:37:32,482 --> 00:37:33,942 You doing okay, Chapman? 610 00:37:34,693 --> 00:37:37,029 I don't really know how to answer that question. 611 00:37:38,446 --> 00:37:40,782 Everything's pretty surreal right now. 612 00:37:43,952 --> 00:37:45,912 Do you know what a mandala is? 613 00:37:46,412 --> 00:37:47,455 Um... 614 00:37:47,539 --> 00:37:49,875 Those are those round Buddhist art things. 615 00:37:50,083 --> 00:37:53,879 The Tibetan monks make them out of dyed sand 616 00:37:54,004 --> 00:37:57,507 laid out into big, beautiful designs. 617 00:37:57,883 --> 00:38:01,553 And when they're done, after days or weeks of work, 618 00:38:01,678 --> 00:38:03,722 they wipe it all away. 619 00:38:05,224 --> 00:38:08,227 Wow. That's a lot. 620 00:38:08,643 --> 00:38:12,647 Try to look at your experience here as a mandala, Chapman. 621 00:38:13,899 --> 00:38:18,904 Work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can. 622 00:38:18,987 --> 00:38:22,699 And when you're done, pack it in and know it was all temporary. 623 00:38:23,325 --> 00:38:27,662 You have to remember that. It's all temporary. 624 00:38:29,081 --> 00:38:30,874 It's all temporary. 625 00:38:32,084 --> 00:38:37,463 I'm telling you. Surviving here is all about perspective. 626 00:38:40,592 --> 00:38:41,760 Don't eat the pudding. 627 00:38:41,885 --> 00:38:43,887 What's the perspective on the pudding? 628 00:38:43,970 --> 00:38:46,139 It comes in big cans marked "Desert Storm." 629 00:38:47,057 --> 00:38:51,270 Sometimes the kitchen has to scrape the mold off the top before they serve it. 630 00:38:51,811 --> 00:38:53,063 Hi, there. 631 00:38:53,730 --> 00:38:56,524 Hi, Sister. This is Chapman. 632 00:38:57,150 --> 00:38:58,318 Sister? As in nun? 633 00:38:58,526 --> 00:39:00,904 Yep. A killer nun. 634 00:39:01,696 --> 00:39:03,740 Now, stop it. She doesn't know you're joking. 635 00:39:03,823 --> 00:39:07,577 She chained herself to a flagpole at a nuclear test site. 636 00:39:11,915 --> 00:39:13,292 Amen. 637 00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:16,920 So. Now, Chapman, what's your story? 638 00:39:17,670 --> 00:39:19,756 I chained myself to a drug dealer. 639 00:39:21,841 --> 00:39:25,304 Piper, you can't be taking advice from a nun and a hippie. 640 00:39:25,511 --> 00:39:29,975 By all means, seek out the supreme wisdom of the junkie philosopher. 641 00:39:30,475 --> 00:39:31,643 I pray for you, Nicky. 642 00:39:31,893 --> 00:39:34,938 Aw. I pray for you, too, Sister. 643 00:39:35,021 --> 00:39:38,524 I lust after you, Yoga Jones, those sinewy arms. 644 00:39:39,859 --> 00:39:41,320 You gotta love a yoga body. 645 00:39:41,445 --> 00:39:43,989 You should come to class. Watch me chaturanga. 646 00:39:44,197 --> 00:39:46,199 That whole common room smells like farts. 647 00:39:46,325 --> 00:39:47,826 It kind of takes away the magic for me. 648 00:39:48,243 --> 00:39:49,411 You like pussy, Piper? 649 00:39:49,869 --> 00:39:52,164 Or you prefer pipe as your name suggests? 650 00:39:52,247 --> 00:39:54,499 I'm feeling some Sapphic vibes coming off you. 651 00:39:54,624 --> 00:39:56,042 Oh, leave her alone. 652 00:39:57,585 --> 00:39:58,670 Come on, Sister. 653 00:39:58,795 --> 00:40:00,839 You know you would've gone my way if you hadn't married Jesus. 654 00:40:08,221 --> 00:40:09,306 Thank you, Mommy. 655 00:40:11,683 --> 00:40:12,725 Thanks, Red. 656 00:40:15,937 --> 00:40:17,022 Thanks, Red. 657 00:40:20,442 --> 00:40:21,567 She's your mom? 658 00:40:21,734 --> 00:40:23,111 Maternal figurehead. 659 00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:25,947 My actual mother lives in Brazil with her boyfriend, Paolo, 660 00:40:26,031 --> 00:40:28,658 who destroys rainforests and collects photorealistic art. 661 00:40:28,741 --> 00:40:30,702 She is a cunt. I am an embarrassment. 662 00:40:30,785 --> 00:40:33,413 Hey, Red. You got one of those for me? 663 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,874 You got what I asked you for? 664 00:40:36,291 --> 00:40:37,959 Uh, I'm working on it. 665 00:40:38,710 --> 00:40:43,048 So am I. Treats come when I sleep better. 666 00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:51,014 How hard is it to get me a board from the woodshop? 667 00:40:51,097 --> 00:40:52,640 People. 668 00:40:54,893 --> 00:40:56,019 Who's this? 669 00:40:56,395 --> 00:41:00,524 This is Chapman. She's new. Self-surrender. Thinks she's fancy. 670 00:41:02,150 --> 00:41:05,904 Here, fancy. Have a yogurt. 671 00:41:09,657 --> 00:41:11,243 What do I have to do for it? 672 00:41:12,244 --> 00:41:16,081 You're new. You're one of us. Consider it a gift. 673 00:41:16,873 --> 00:41:21,044 Thank you. Thank you so much. 674 00:41:24,756 --> 00:41:26,925 The food here is disgusting. 675 00:41:36,726 --> 00:41:37,810 What? 676 00:41:38,019 --> 00:41:40,021 Did I mention that Red runs the kitchen? 677 00:41:42,732 --> 00:41:46,194 Shit. I'm sorry. 678 00:41:51,241 --> 00:41:52,576 Honey. 679 00:41:53,577 --> 00:41:55,954 I know you just got here, so you don't know what's what. 680 00:41:56,246 --> 00:41:57,830 Well, I'm gonna tell you. 681 00:41:57,956 --> 00:42:02,752 You don't like the food? It's no problem. 682 00:42:10,218 --> 00:42:14,264 Holy shit. That was an epic fuck-up. 683 00:42:17,058 --> 00:42:18,059 Can I help you? 684 00:42:18,226 --> 00:42:22,147 Um, I'm Chapman. I'm new today. 685 00:42:22,355 --> 00:42:25,775 They told me I should talk to you. I don't have a PAC number. 686 00:42:25,942 --> 00:42:27,110 Who's they? 687 00:42:29,821 --> 00:42:34,200 Mr. Caputo, please let me call my fianc�. 688 00:42:34,326 --> 00:42:36,077 I have to let him know I'm okay. 689 00:42:37,621 --> 00:42:40,624 Two minutes. You got two minutes, that's it. 690 00:42:40,706 --> 00:42:42,792 Close the door, I don't want a run on my office. 691 00:42:42,917 --> 00:42:45,337 Inmate Gonzalez report to the supply room. 692 00:42:51,343 --> 00:42:53,052 Dial nine to get out. 693 00:43:03,229 --> 00:43:05,190 - Hello, Larry's phone. - Amy? 694 00:43:05,315 --> 00:43:06,941 - Piper? - Give me the phone. 695 00:43:07,025 --> 00:43:08,818 One second. Can I say hello? 696 00:43:08,943 --> 00:43:11,196 Amy, I only have two minutes to talk. 697 00:43:11,321 --> 00:43:14,032 Are you okay? What's it like in there? 698 00:43:14,115 --> 00:43:17,410 Howard and I brought Chinese. Larry is so upset. 699 00:43:17,536 --> 00:43:18,537 - Mom. - Let him talk, Amy. 700 00:43:18,662 --> 00:43:19,663 Ma, give me the phone. 701 00:43:19,745 --> 00:43:21,289 Amy, please let me talk to Larry. 702 00:43:21,373 --> 00:43:24,334 You know, I read that when Martha Stewart was in prison, 703 00:43:24,417 --> 00:43:25,835 she foraged for dandelions. 704 00:43:26,002 --> 00:43:27,420 Okay, Mom, please. 705 00:43:27,546 --> 00:43:30,298 - I was talking! - Amy, it's not always about you, dear. 706 00:43:30,423 --> 00:43:32,217 - What is that supposed to mean? - Piper? 707 00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:34,344 I only have a minute now. I'm calling from the guard's office. 708 00:43:34,427 --> 00:43:36,179 Hey, are you okay? What's going on? 709 00:43:36,262 --> 00:43:37,556 I love you so much. 710 00:43:37,639 --> 00:43:39,516 I love you, too. Are you okay? 711 00:43:39,599 --> 00:43:42,227 I'm wearing granny panties and I've only spoken to white people. 712 00:43:42,352 --> 00:43:44,604 You joining the Aryan Nation? 713 00:43:44,729 --> 00:43:46,565 I don't know. But there's a nun here. 714 00:43:46,731 --> 00:43:48,900 And you're not allowed to sleep in your bed. Only on top of it. 715 00:43:48,983 --> 00:43:50,026 That's weird. 716 00:43:50,151 --> 00:43:51,194 I know, right? 717 00:43:51,277 --> 00:43:52,320 And when I got here, they gave me these 718 00:43:52,404 --> 00:43:54,698 little bars of hotel soap, but no shampoo. 719 00:43:55,073 --> 00:43:58,784 But I think that I can borrow some from other white people. 720 00:43:59,911 --> 00:44:01,454 I love you so much. 721 00:44:03,039 --> 00:44:05,542 One of my roommates had a massive heart attack when she got here. 722 00:44:05,667 --> 00:44:07,919 Okay, you are not allowed to have a heart attack. 723 00:44:09,128 --> 00:44:10,296 What did you have for dinner? 724 00:44:11,172 --> 00:44:13,216 My folks brought from The Palace. 725 00:44:13,341 --> 00:44:15,635 Oh. The Palace. 726 00:44:16,636 --> 00:44:18,263 Dinner here was scary liver. 727 00:44:19,138 --> 00:44:21,307 And I insulted the chef, 728 00:44:21,433 --> 00:44:23,809 and you're not supposed to eat the pudding 729 00:44:23,935 --> 00:44:25,311 because it's been to Desert Storm. 730 00:44:25,437 --> 00:44:28,273 Piper, listen to me. You cannot lose your shit, okay? 731 00:44:28,356 --> 00:44:30,734 I mean it. Please, please tell me you're keeping it together. 732 00:44:30,816 --> 00:44:33,695 Please, please tell me you're okay. 733 00:44:33,861 --> 00:44:36,740 - Wrap it up, Chapman. - I'm Chapman here. 734 00:44:36,948 --> 00:44:42,787 You're my Pipes, okay? And, uh, I love you, and this is only temporary. 735 00:44:43,788 --> 00:44:46,791 That's what Yoga Jones said. But it's just been one day. 736 00:44:46,874 --> 00:44:48,334 And I can't, I can't! 737 00:44:48,460 --> 00:44:50,629 Piper, you can. You so can, okay? 738 00:44:50,754 --> 00:44:53,632 You are so strong, babe. You... 739 00:44:53,715 --> 00:44:55,049 And you love adventure, right? 740 00:44:55,133 --> 00:44:57,427 That's what got you in there, and that's what's gonna get you through. 741 00:44:57,510 --> 00:45:01,431 This is all just a big adventure with liver and Yoga Jones, 742 00:45:01,514 --> 00:45:03,308 and racism. 743 00:45:03,475 --> 00:45:05,727 You can come on Friday. Please come on Friday. 744 00:45:05,809 --> 00:45:07,061 Tell my mother to come on Saturday, 745 00:45:07,145 --> 00:45:08,938 and don't tell her that you're coming on Friday, okay? 746 00:45:09,021 --> 00:45:10,814 Of course. Okay? 747 00:45:10,898 --> 00:45:12,858 Two sleeps. That's it. 748 00:45:12,984 --> 00:45:15,236 Two sleeps on top of your bed. 749 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,655 And then, I will be there. 750 00:45:17,363 --> 00:45:19,991 Coming up on lights out. Say goodbye. 751 00:45:20,824 --> 00:45:21,825 I have to go. 752 00:45:21,951 --> 00:45:23,077 Hey, no crying. 753 00:45:23,161 --> 00:45:24,370 I'm not crying. 754 00:45:24,496 --> 00:45:26,706 Piper, I love you. I will see you on Friday. 755 00:45:26,830 --> 00:45:29,833 Please, be brave. Don't let anyone into your granny panties. 756 00:45:29,959 --> 00:45:31,043 I love you. 757 00:45:31,169 --> 00:45:32,462 I love you. 758 00:45:37,258 --> 00:45:40,261 Your head's not here yet. Don't worry, it'll catch up. 759 00:45:41,471 --> 00:45:44,265 In the meantime, try to get some sleep. 760 00:45:44,349 --> 00:45:47,435 Orientation is tomorrow at 9:00. 761 00:45:47,519 --> 00:45:49,270 Shampoo for you. 762 00:45:51,648 --> 00:45:53,857 I think the words you're looking for are, "Thank you." 763 00:45:54,526 --> 00:45:55,859 Thank you. 764 00:45:56,695 --> 00:45:57,903 Good night, Chapman. 765 00:46:02,158 --> 00:46:03,867 Close the door behind you. 766 00:46:22,554 --> 00:46:25,139 Chapman. Hey, Chapman. 767 00:46:25,223 --> 00:46:26,224 - What? - Rise and shine. 768 00:46:26,349 --> 00:46:27,475 What? What? 769 00:46:27,559 --> 00:46:30,311 You want time to shower and eat, you gotta get up. 770 00:46:30,436 --> 00:46:32,438 Aw, look at your eyes. 771 00:46:32,564 --> 00:46:33,939 You should put some cold water on them. 772 00:46:34,065 --> 00:46:35,358 Okay. Thanks. 773 00:46:35,441 --> 00:46:37,068 Take a nice shower, get dressed, 774 00:46:37,193 --> 00:46:39,404 you'll start to feel normal soon enough. 775 00:46:39,987 --> 00:46:41,698 - You got flip-flops? - No. 776 00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:45,660 Oh, honey. There's wicked fungus in the showers. 777 00:47:03,595 --> 00:47:05,597 You're driving me crazy! 778 00:47:37,545 --> 00:47:39,756 Everyone gets a piece of fruit at breakfast. 779 00:47:39,839 --> 00:47:43,050 I'm telling you, it'll all start to feel normal, soon. Really. 780 00:47:43,635 --> 00:47:46,262 - You hungry? - I'm starving. Excuse me. 781 00:47:46,429 --> 00:47:47,971 - Such pretty hair. - Thank you. 782 00:47:48,180 --> 00:47:49,223 When those roots start to show, 783 00:47:49,307 --> 00:47:50,642 be sure to come and see me, okay? 784 00:47:50,725 --> 00:47:52,477 I'll take good care of you. 785 00:47:52,602 --> 00:47:55,438 But even if you don't come to me, don't go to Danita. 786 00:47:55,521 --> 00:47:59,024 She'll burn the shit out of your scalp. Go. Line's moving. 787 00:48:00,151 --> 00:48:01,444 Wait, Chapman? Are you Chapman? 788 00:48:01,569 --> 00:48:02,654 Yes. 789 00:48:06,574 --> 00:48:08,534 Red says she made that special for you. 790 00:48:08,660 --> 00:48:11,663 Wow. Thanks. Tell her I said thanks. 791 00:48:11,830 --> 00:48:13,748 I don't say nothing. I'm just working. Next. 792 00:48:15,625 --> 00:48:16,668 Man, I'm telling you, 793 00:48:16,793 --> 00:48:19,671 before my teeth got knocked out, I had this awesome gap. 794 00:48:19,754 --> 00:48:21,589 Now they look like Chiclets, look. 795 00:48:21,714 --> 00:48:23,633 You're crazy. Your fake teeth are beautiful. 796 00:48:23,716 --> 00:48:25,426 Bet you never get the food stuck in them. 797 00:48:25,510 --> 00:48:27,219 So, you got the nice fresh breath all the time. 798 00:48:27,345 --> 00:48:28,304 It's minty. It's beautiful. 799 00:48:28,387 --> 00:48:30,348 It's like God put them in you every day. 800 00:48:30,431 --> 00:48:31,850 A summer breeze coming over here. 801 00:48:32,015 --> 00:48:34,519 - Yeah? You like that? - Always smell... Yeah. Yeah. 802 00:48:37,396 --> 00:48:38,648 What did you do? 803 00:48:38,731 --> 00:48:40,232 She insulted the food in front of Red. 804 00:48:40,399 --> 00:48:42,694 Oh, jeez. I don't think you're gonna be eating for a while. 805 00:48:43,862 --> 00:48:47,782 Oh! Put it away. I'm enjoying menopause very much, thank you. 806 00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:51,369 You gotta figure out how to make things right with Red. 807 00:48:51,536 --> 00:48:53,412 And yeah, yeah. You gotta go down to laundry. 808 00:48:53,538 --> 00:48:56,039 Don't forget that. And check the elastic on all the pants. 809 00:48:56,165 --> 00:48:57,917 Don't let them get you stretched-out garbage. 810 00:48:58,041 --> 00:49:00,169 Orientation starts in 10 minutes. 811 00:49:00,252 --> 00:49:02,547 At least you had a nice shower this morning, right? 812 00:49:02,630 --> 00:49:03,882 I think I saw you in there? 813 00:49:08,051 --> 00:49:11,723 I don't... I don't know. Excuse me. 814 00:49:11,806 --> 00:49:14,057 Hey! Hey, hey, don't forget, you gotta bus your tray. 815 00:49:20,732 --> 00:49:22,608 Where's she going with that tray? 816 00:49:22,734 --> 00:49:23,776 Can't take them out of here. 817 00:49:23,943 --> 00:49:25,068 Yeah, she'll figure it out. 818 00:49:25,277 --> 00:49:26,905 Was she really in the shower this morning? 819 00:49:48,426 --> 00:49:50,428 Maybe this is a bad time to say hi, huh? 820 00:49:51,305 --> 00:50:51,370 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/44kwu Help other users to choose the best subtitles58957

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.