Original subtitles

[soft music]

- Highest five, whaa, oh, you are my speed demon.

- Is that what you're wearing today?

- Yes.

- Are you not gonna support your child

by wearing his house colours?

- Are house colours a big thing on Athletics Day?

- Go Kahurangi,

go.

Ah, is Ryan looking forward to racing?

- Sadly his enthusiasm doesn't match his speed.

- You're so lucky, failing at sports can be an amazing

character building experience for a child.

- Good.

- Go Kahurangi.

[soft music]

[children cheering]

- Sometimes I wish Cinnamon was less exceptional

at athletics but sadly her trainer assures me that she...

You can't sit here.

- Who are you?

- We're the Junior Fundraising Committee, who are you?

- We're the Senior Fundraising Committee.

- Morena Jenny.

- Morena, Hine.

[tense music]

- Did you hear that we're doing a fundraising coffee cart?

- That is such a cute idea, we're doing a juice bar

boring and healthy and not technically

dealing drugs at a school.

- Beth's right.

- Coffee's not a drug.

You just drink it to feel good cause you don't.

- Is that what you're wearing today?

- I'm new.

- She's new.

- So, are you fundraising the $150,000 with us?

- We're only doing half.

And our 75K goes to the senior school

that's why we're the Senior Fundraising Committee.

- That's us.

- Well that's good news, right?

- It would have been nice to know.

- I put it on the intranet

which clearly you don't know how to access.

I vaguely remember what it's like being a junior mum

your gonna make so many mistakes.

- We're actually doing pretty well.

- You must fundraise better than you dress.

We've only raised 68K, it's so embarrassing

how much have you raised?

- We don't have the numbers on hand.

- Oh, I do.

- No, I don't think that you do Hine.

[soft music]

[children cheering]

- Those senior fundraisers are so mean.

- They think they rule the school.

- Just 'cause their kids can tie their own shoelaces.

- Our coffee cart is a great idea

and we're gonna make a million dollars.

- You go girl.

- I'm already gone.

[children cheering]

- Hi - Hi

- What can we get you?

- Do you know where the juice bar is?

- No. - It's just.

- Is that what you're wearing?

- Jaden, where are your shoes?

- Oh, you look exhausted from being rushed off your feet.

You're not too tired to enter the Mums' race I hope?

- I probably shouldn't, it wouldn't be fair.

- Are you saying you can beat Tessa?

- Who's Tessa?

- Oh yeah, I could totally beat Tessa.

- Yeah, I bet my friend is faster than your friend.

- Tessa has won the Mums' race for the past 5 years

except the year she had the twins.

- Rachel and Hunter.

- Yeah well, I was the Lower North Island

under 12 sprint champion 1996.

- Really? - Really?

Okay, let's make this interesting.

Losing fundraising mums clean up at the end of the day?

- Well we're running a zero waste juice bar

but we'll clean up your unsustainable

practises if Tessa loses.

- Which I won't.

- Well,

it's hot today.

I love it how you've kept it simple

by not selling iced coffees.

- Iced-coffees, genius's.

- So help me, you better be fast.

- Oh, I've got the skills to pay the bills.

[inhaling]

- Hey, Hine are you doing your usual this year?

- Oh, I.

- Okay.

Hey hey.

[inhaling]

- Ah, excuse me.

- Are you gonna go watch Braxton's race?

- Yeah, that's exactly what I'm off to do.

[children cheering]

- On your marks, get set, go!

- Ryan, it's your race!

What are these?

- I made it for you so we can match.

- Oh, what thank you, my beautiful boy.

Okay, well remember today it's not about being the best,

it's just about doing your best.

- Thank you but I'll probably win.

[tense music]

- Morning Heather.

- Hi.

- Now are you selling iced chocolate?

- Hot chocolate is much better for you

I lived on those when I was pregnant with Cinnamon.

- Oh, Cinnamon?

That's a beautiful name.

- I know, I wanted something unique.

- Now is that Cinnamon with an S or a C?

- With a C?

- Cinnamon with a C's going on the baby name list.

You don't mind, do you?

- Well I can't stop you.

- Oh, fantastic, do you know what? I think I'll leave it

and we'll just go get a juice, come on Raiki.

[children cheering]

- On your marks, get set, go!

- Whoo, go Ryan

Sometimes super speed skips a generation but he's really

good at colouring in managed to made me this.

[tense tribal music]

- I see you've made an effort.

- Ryan made it for me.

- I thought it was a bit neat for you, how did he go?

- He participated with the best of them

but I didn't have the heart to tell him

a lot of kids are gonna lose today.

- Apart from Cinnamon, obviously.

Can you believe that Karma's Mum wants to steal her name.

- No, but she can't do that that's against mum-code.

- You're damn right it is.

- Oh, don't fill up on dairy, you need to beat Tessa.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

I haven't run since I went into retirement.

[applause]

- Congratulations Zinzan Hicks,

winner of the under 9's high jump.

- Do you guys do iced coffees?

- No.

- Okay, is Hine around?

- She'll be back soon,

but can I interest you in a delicious warm coffee?

- No thanks, can you just tell her

I'm looking for her please.

- Is that what you're wearing today?

[laughing]

- Hey, you don't think that Hine's doing something illegal?

I just I saw her take money from a mum just before.

- She's just fundraising though right?

- Yeah, yeah she's definitely not selling drugs

like the senior fundraisers said she was.

- Thank you.

- Oh, my God, Hine is Mrs Asia.

[children cheering]

- All right kids, let's go, one more.

- Oh, Cinnamon's about to win her race.

- Kia ora, Hine.

- Sara's Dad.

- I'll take ten bucks on Luna

to win the under seven's sprints.

- I thought your daughter was in that race?

- Yeah, she is but she had a sleepover last night

not really in peak condish.

- Hine Hicks, are you taking bets

on a primary school Athletics Day?

- Yep

- Ah, that's way better than drugs.

- Are you taking bets on the Mums' race?

- Well, I am now all proceeds go to junior fundraising.

Less a small wine fee for the administrator.

[laughing]

[children cheering]

- Run you're own race, Cinnamon!

- She's so fast.

- Even with such a long, heavy name.

You know what's a great name?

- What? - Maia.

- No. - No you're right Maia sucks.

- You know, I think that Cinnamon

is the most unique name I've ever heard.

- You do know what unique means, right?

- Well unique was on our list of names

but there's already two at this school so I'm.

- If I'm totally honest, I regret calling her Cinnamon.

The Spice Girl gags are brutal.

- I didn't think of that.

I love the Spice Girls.

Baby.

[children cheering]

- Hey, Jess. - Yeah?

- Would you mind grabbing my juice for me?

- Sure.

- Here you go.

- What was that?

- What?

- Is that how you run?

- Yeah?

- Oh.

- Junior mum?

At this rate we'll raise enough money

to rebuild the school pool by the end of the day.

Hey, could we please have some of your unused cash bags

since you're not going to need them.

- Sure, we're more EFTPOS based anyway.

- I hope your friend won't be too embarrassed

when she loses I mean judging by her outfit

she doesn't seem to feel shame but you never know.

- She won a regional sprinting competition

so I think she'll be fine.

- Lucky our bet's so insignificant.

- Okay let's make it more interesting then the winner

takes the profits of the coffee cart and the juice bar.

- You're on.

- Like donkey flipping kong.

Those senior mums are so smug.

- Oh yeah, just 'cause their kids can do fractions.

- What's wrong with you?

- Watch this.

Jess. - Yeah.

- Why don't you run over to the friendship bench

and I'll time you.

- Okay.

- Go.

- What the hell is that?

- Ah.

- Yeah.

- Oh no.

- How was that?

- Real quick.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Are you puffed after that?

- Oh yeah, well I haven't ran competitively since '96

but they say you never lose it.

- You retired in the nineties?

- Oh yeah, mum said I had to, she said my super speed

wasn't fair to the other girls.

- But you won a regional title?

- You know, funnily enough I don't even remember winning.

Mum said I blacked out 'cause I was running so fast.

Next minute, I woke up in the hospital,

gold medal and a letter from the mayor.

- Oh no.

- Come to think of it his writing

was a lot like the Tooth Fairy's

- Jessica!

- And the medal was chocolate.

[children cheering]

- Go on, go.

- Congratulations Taika Hicks,

winner of the under 10 boys discus.

[applause]

- 10-year-old Jessica Knight faints at local sports day

her mother blames El Nino.

- Well that explains why I never went to nationals.

- This is not ideal.

- It doesn't matter, the bet was just for the clean up.

- Well it used to be, and now it's not.

- Heather, what did you do?

- I bet the coffee cart profits.

- What?

- And now we're gonna lose our money because your stupid mum

loved you so much she lied about your super speed.

- Well you're gonna have to go

and change that stupid bet young lady.

- You know that I was just joking about that bet, right?

- Oh, really, you don't seem like a funny person to me.

- Oh, she's freaking hilarious.

- Is this because you found out about

Tessa's Commonwealth medal?

- Her what?

- Oh, it's just a bronze in rowing.

- Well we're not racing in boats so it's kind of irrelevant.

- I like this bet I think we're gonna stick with it.

- Then I volunteer as tribute.

- You what?

- Oh that's just from the very popular

Hunger Games franchise which means she'll race for me.

- No, the bet was Jess versus Tessa

you can run in the race but Jess has to win it.

- Seriously?

- Listen lady, I have been thanklessly fundraising

for this school for the past six years and I am sick of it.

Your profits will get us to our goal quicker

and we can put a stop to this madness

and the endless, endless reply all-emails.

- Whoa.

- Congratulations Braxton Hicks,

winner of the under-7 shot put.

- So, we've got six minutes

to turn Jess into an amazing athlete.

Since we're not magic let's think laterally.

- I could shorten the course?

- The less she has to run the better.

- And I could have a talk to the other mothers

see if they'll be happy to take a dive for the greater good?

- That would improve our odds.

Jess, you need to get into Tessa's head.

- Wait, you mean like psych her out?

- You need to harness your inner me.

[children cheering]

- Could the owner of a pair of blue shoes

please pick them up from lost property.

- Jaden.

- There are three key ways to psych out another mum.

- Okay.

- One, the backhanded compliment.

Your child is so smart for a member of your family.

- Oh,

wait, you said that to me last week?

- And you let me take the last clean futsal uniform.

- You're like a Jedi, but not from those weird prequels.

- The second way to psych her out is to maintain eye contact

never be the first to look away.

- Can I blink, it burns.

- Let's move on.

Finally, ABS.

- Oh, I've never had abs.

- No, A-B-S always be smiling.

Like you've got nothing to worry about.

- I've got a lot to worry about.

- Our future as fundraisers depends on what you do

in the next five minutes so for God's sake relax!

Suck your tummy in.

- I just had a baby.

- Five years ago now go get 'em tiger go on!

[children cheering]

- Oh, Cinnamon's there oh.

- Oh, hey.

- Hi?

- Good luck for today not that you need it

'cause your legs are so fat.

- Excuse me?

- Fast, I said you look fast, for a mum.

- Are you trying to psych me out?

- Is it working, heavy legs?

- No.

[tense music]

[children cheering]

- You've got kids in the junior school,

if we win we get more fundraising money.

- Sorry, that senior mum already asked us

to trip Jess up in exchange for free juice.

- And we already drank the juice.

- No way?

- Way.

[children cheering]

- Could all the entrants for the Mums' race please gather

at the start line and remember, your children are watching.

- They're gonna cheat.

They bribed the other mums to take Jess out of the race.

- But we were gonna cheat, did you offer them free coffee?

- Yes but the seniors already gave them free juice.

- Ah, I really dislike those ladies.

- We have to warn Jess.

- Leave it to me.

- Is that what you're wearing today?

- Yes, yes!

- It's nice, brings out the whites of your eyes.

[children cheering]

- You don't have to be the best, just do your best!

- On your marks.

- Jess, Jess!

- [Man] Get set.

- Jess! - I know, I can do it.

- No, no you can't do it.

- [Man] Go!

♪ My pulse is poppin' with a fevered heat ♪

♪ I got the black cat voodoo with a jungle beat ♪

- Go Tessa!

♪ My body shaking and my hair gone wild ♪

♪ I wanna throw down on the floor like a screamin' child ♪

♪ Seeing red, but it don't mean stop ♪

♪ This firecracker 'bout to pop ♪

- Faster!

♪ When the Mama go loco

♪ When the Mama go loco

♪ You better get out, better go, go ♪

♪ Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick pow ♪

♪ The Mama gone loco

♪ When the Mama go loco

♪ When the Mama go loco

♪ Stick around here? No, no, no ♪

♪ Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-Tick, pow ♪

♪ When the Mama go loco

[children cheering]

- Tessa!

[serene music]

♪ Can you come around

- Go mum! Go mum! Go mum!...

♪ Keep me company

♪ Share our times a little bit longer ♪

- Come on.

♪ Baby you and me

♪ Can I hear hear your words

♪ that you say so gracefully

♪ Find a glade drenched in sunlight ♪

♪ that we can make it to live

♪ Whooa, whooa

♪ Whooa, whooa

♪ Feeling all goes wasting time ♪

♪ but you and I we were fine

♪ Take my head in my side

- Are you okay?

- Yes, luckily I have an amazing core, are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

- It was a good race mum.

- Oh, thanks.

- I don't care that you came last.

- Neither, don't even care yes that's my boy.

- Heather, who was that amazing mum?

- Oh, that's my friend Jess.

- Jess.

- It's unique, it's short for Jessterday

and I'd never met one of those until quite recently.

- Jessterday Shroomslap, it's perfect oh, thank you.

Come on.

- Your girl lost.

- Yes. - You owe me your profits.

- Well, the jokes on you we only made $21.

- And it all goes to the school

whether or not it came from you or us.

- My kids will be here for six long years

to swim in the rewards of your fundraising efforts.

- And the pool.

- So thanks for all your hard work, they'll be enjoying that

while your kids get pimples,

experiment with social media and break your spirit.

- Well played.

[upbeat music]