Original subtitles

[Crash] Last time on Crash and Bernstein ...

Great news. Crash is being recalled!

I'm Mr. Green from the Bestie retrieval unit.

I'm here to collect a recalled toy by the name of... Crutch.

He's hot on our tail. What should we do?

Ice cream!

-Crash! -Don't worry, Bernstein!

I'll save you some ice cream!

I'm gonna grind you into a million tiny pieces.

You hear that sound?

[silence]

Uh... No.

Dang it, Tony! Turn on the chipper.

[whirring]

I know that sound!

What?

It sounds like someone punching someone in the gut!

Bernstein, this is no time for winking!

We are in trouble here!

Hey.

I just had an idea.

Tickle, tickle, tickle! [laughing]

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

-♪ And face slams ♪ -♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

[Green] Ha!

You can't hide forever, you little mutant.

You're only making it worse on yourself.

Actually, it doesn't really matter. I'm gonna shred you either way.

[gasping]

What are we gonna do? We'll never get out of here!

Uh!

Bernstein, it looks like this is the end for the old Crash man.

I can see my life flashing before my eyes.

The bright lights.

The danger, danger, danger!

That's not your life. That's a sign.

You're right.

It is a sign, a sign that I need to live my life differently.

Let's make a pact.

If we get out of here, we'll live life to the awesome-est.

-Deal. -Great.

Now if you could sign right here on the arrows for me--

Can I sign later?

We need a plan to get out of here.

Take off your clothes.

Hey, that's not part of the pact.

Oh, yeah, there it is right there.

Mr. Green, we give up.

You win.

I won? Really?

-[whirring] -[menacing laugh]

[mimics Crash] Duh, I'm Crash.

I'm going to the wood chipper.

You're just too smart for me, Mr. Green.

That's right. I am smart.

-[clicks] -[whirring]

Oh, well, Crash. Time for the chipper.

Wha-- [grunting]

Are you kidding me?

Uh, Mr. Green,

can I have a moment alone to say goodbye?

Fine.

Crash, it's so hard

to put into words what it's meant to have a friend like you...

[grunts] Ha!

So why even try? Nice knowing you.

-Goodbye. -[shredding]

[laughs] Cool!

I mean no! Crash! Why!

Well, see you.

Then I dislocated my shoulder,

slipped out of the straight jacket,

crawled through broken glass,

karate-kicked the ninja guarding the door

and carried Bernstein to safety.

Thank you.

That's unbelievable,

especially since when I picked you up,

you were in your underpants screaming, "Wedgie! Wedgie!"

And I appreciate you digging them out for me.

I made a cake to celebrate Crash being out of our lives forever.

[toots]

Ahem.

Oh, you're still here?

We're still eating the cake.

Well, cake is cake.

[both sigh]

It's good to be home. Time for life to get back to normal.

-[game noises] -[grunts]

Bernstein, there is no more normal.

We made a pact.

We are gonna live life to the awesome-est.

Let's see here.

First item on the awesome list--

Uh, replace unexpired milk with very expired milk.

[screaming]

Check.

Number two, paint a masterpiece.

Ha! Hee! [muttering]

Add a little tree. A little this. A little of that. Aha!

And finished.

You can paint that, but you can't color inside the lines?

-[doorbell rings] -Doorbell.

-Hello, Wyatt. -[screams]

You need to complete a customer satisfaction survey.

How would you rate my service?

You mean hunting down and destroying my best friend?

Yes. Ten being the best. One being the worst.

Wow, that painting is really lifelike.

[chuckles]

Yeah, we had it done for Crash's memorial service.

Crash, what did you do to the milk?

Did she just say "Crash"?

Uh, she still hasn't gotten over the loss.

They were very close.

Hmm.

Maybe I should attend this memorial service,

pay my respects, make sure my job is done. When is it?

Uh...

Later.

Yeah, I'm free then.

[Green] Okay, this is great.

Wait a minute. Didn't I have a clipboard when I came in?

No!

What just happened?

Now I have to plan a memorial service.

Yay, a memorial service!

I'll go change. What's the dress code?

Mourner's casual? Festive grief? Sad clown makeup?

You can't come.

Mr. Green will be there.

You have to stay away. Understand?

Fine.

I've got other memorial services to go to anyway.

You're not the only one with a fake, dead friend!

[huffs, muttering] I'll show you who's got a fake, dead friend.

[organ music playing]

Amanda, put the phone away.

Cleo, look sadder.

Jasmine, really?

They don't make fairy outfits in black?

I didn't want to compete with princess glitter.

And so, my brothers and sisters,

let us not weep because Crash is gone,

but instead let us celebrate

because his spirit will stay with us forever.

Thank you. This concludes our memorial.

[Green] Wow.

I only caught the tail end of that, but it was very moving.

I'll leave you all to mourn in peace.

[Crash wailing]

Why did he have to leave me?

We still had so much life to live together!

[sobbing]

[Crash wailing]

Uh, there, there, there.

Let it all out.

[whispers] What are you doing?

I couldn't miss my own memorial service.

[sobbing resumes]

Oh, you great, great man.

Yes, he was a great man.

Now why don't you take your grieving inside?

But I want to hear all the nice things

people say about my Crash.

Nobody's saying anything about...

[in southern accent] Crash was the only gentleman I ever met

that made me put down my sweet tea

and say, "I want to be that man."

Thank you. That was lovely. Now could--

♪ Oh, he was great, Crash was great ♪

♪ Oh, he was great... ♪

♪ Crash was great Oh, he was great ♪

♪ Crash was great ♪

Everybody!

-♪ Crash was great ♪ -♪ Oh, he was great ♪

-♪ Crash was great ♪ -♪ Oh, he was great ♪

-♪ Crash was great ♪ -♪ Oh, he was great ♪

-♪ Crash was gre-e-at ♪ -♪ Oh, he was great ♪

♪ He was gre-a-at ♪

♪ Oh no! ♪

♪ Crash was gre-- ♪

Wow.

I never knew he touched so many lives.

Here come the waterworks.

[sobs] Oh, God.

[sweeping]

Well, we finally got rid of Mr. Green.

Sure was nice of him to bring these deviled eggs though.

Where's my living life to the awesome-est list?

Now I can cross off eat 50 deviled eggs

while attending my own funeral.

-Next I want to be a falcon. -[Wyatt sighs]

Crash, you can't just be a falcon.

[sighs] Okay, so I was wrong.

Hey, Bernstein,

guess what the best part about being a falcon is.

[laughs] I'm gonna guess it's that.

Let me at that pooping bird!

These hot dogs really hit the spot.

I was just at a memorial service and there was no snacks.

Not even deviled eggs?

Thank you. No.

What the-- whoa.

Oops.

Crash?

Is that you?

No, I'm a falcon.

Uh... Falcon noise. Falcon noise.

I've called you all here

because you're the greatest collection of problem solvers I know.

As you know, I am a wanted man.

Really? Someone wants you?

Ha! Nice one, Jasmine.

Good use of wordplay.

I'm in an afterschool zinger class.

But this is serious. My butt is on the line.

Some dope, who shall remain nameless,

blew my cover.

It was you. Wasn't it?

I said I would remain nameless!

Now we need a way to shake this human bloodhound.

There are no bad ideas.

What if you changed your identity?

[mimics buzzer] Bad idea.

What if you change your identity?

Jasmine, that's brilliant!

That's what I said.

No one likes a copycat, Pesto.

The sassy blonde has a point.

I could fool Mr. Green forever if I change the way I look.

I just need to find someone

who cares way to much about appearances.

As long as we're changing your appearance,

let's work on your problem areas.

Your head is misshapen,

your body's disgusting,

your arms are skinny and your feet stink.

But other than that, perfect, right?

You need something to balance out your features.

You could use a nose.

Tell me about it.

I'm so tired of playing with other people's boogers.

Don't.

Oh.

There's a website where you can see

what you'd look like with other people's noses.

I sometimes go to it to remind myself how lucky I am.

[Amanda] I like this one.

Nah, that looks weird.

Let me try this. [grunts]

[beeps]

[Crash] Now that's a nose!

You're hopeless.

I'm gonna go tell Cleo what's wrong with her.

Then who's gonna pick my nose?

Crash, you're back.

Ah, great timing, Bernstein.

Come pick my nose.

You don't have a nose.

That's the point.

I'm changing my appearance.

Okay. Uh, how's this?

[Crash] Nah, it only has two nostrils.

There's no room for the thumb.

[Crash] Ooh this one could be cool.

Nah. I'd look too much like your mom.

[Wyatt] How's this one?

Come on, Bernstein. This is serious.

I need something distinguished.

How about an elephant seal?

[in British accent] Now you're talking, guv'nor.

Chip-chip cheerio. Arf-arf.

Why are you changing your appearance anyways?

I might have accidentally, through no fault of my own,

been spotted by Mr. Green when I stole his hot dog.

What? Why would you do that?

I know!

I shouldn't have eaten the hot dog after all those deviled eggs.

[stomach rumbles]

There are bad things going on down here, Bernstein.

-[stomach gurgles] -Bad things.

We have to get out of here before Mr. Green finds you.

[Crash grunting]

Uh! Oh, oh.

[Crash] Sure is stuffy in here.

Just be quiet until I can get you somewhere safe.

Going down?

[screams]

Hello, Mr. Green.

Turns out our little friend is still alive.

I'm here to change that.

What? Crash is alive?

Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

What's in the bag?

My gym bag?

Oh, you know, gym stuff.

Well, if Crash isn't here,

maybe I'll just take the elevator down with you.

[Crash's stomach gurgling]

Excuse me.

Someone's got a crummy tummy.

[Crash passing gas]

Sorry. Deviled eggs.

Well, that's my bad. I put too much mayo in 'em.

Boy, those are real eye-burners.

Wow. Oh-oh-oh.

Ah.

[gasps] Air! I need air! [breathes deeply]

Falcon noise! Falcon noise!

-Come on. Come on. -[Crash grunting]

-[elevator dings] -Give it. Give it.

[laughs] You're mine now.

No, don't take Crash!

[Wyatt] Oh, my eyes!

Operation "Crash and Dash" is on.

We don't have much time left if we ever want to see Crash again.

And how much time do we have if we don't?

[Mel] Amanda.

He's at 117 Maple, the home of Mrs. Carol Green.

You put a tracking device on Crash?

No, he ate my phone.

Perfect.

So for this to work,

we need to make full use of our unique abilities.

Now...

Who has a unique ability?

I can kind of sew.

That kind of doesn't help.

I can dance.

No, you can't.

I have giant teddy.

Come on, I need real skills.

Can't anyone land a helicopter on a moving train?

I can parallel park a minivan.

Really?

Fine, I'll take it.

Yes! Part of the crew.

♪ Crash ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

-[clicks] -[chuckles]

You'll never keep me in here!

[grunting]

Ah! Ah.

Okay, it's possible you'll keep me in here.

[Green laughs]

You know, I could have brought you back to the Bestie warehouse,

but I wanted you to experience

something even more painful than the wood chipper--

My mother.

You see today's her birthday.

And for once, I'm gonna give her a better gift

than my brother Robbie!

Did I hear someone say Robbie?

Oh, it's you.

Happy birthday, Mother.

I got you a one-of-a-kind gift.

He sings. He dances.

He even turns himself into a falcon. [chuckles]

I give you... Crash.

[thump]

I know a mother's not supposed to have favorites,

but you make it so darn easy.

What's your deal, man?

I talk you up and you embarrass me.

-Now you be Crash. -Oh, okay.

[inhales deeply]

Face slam!

[laughing]

[screams]

[grunts, yells]

[laughing]

Ooh, jungle gym.

[grunting]

You guys are fancy.

Crash, Crash, Crash!

-No, no, no! -[shatters]

Gah! Wait a minute. Get back here.

[laughs]

What's going on here?

[gasps]

You broke my tchotchkes.

-[cries] -[shatters]

Bad boy!

I didn't do it, Mother. It was Crash.

Oh, sure, it was Crash.

The same Crash that keeps making my creamed corn too hot?

[doorbell rings]

[gasps]

An oversized bear!

Oh, how thoughtful.

I love it.

It must be from Robbie.

Ah!

But Mother...

Don't call me butt-mother!

[laughing]

What are you laughing at?

You're the one that's gonna have to live with her forever!

-[laughs] -No, no, no. Oh!

-[beeping] -Oh, man, her creamed corn is burning.

[sighs]

[Wyatt] Crash, it's me, Wyatt. I'm here to bust you out.

A talking toy?

This is the weirdest thing I have ever seen!

It's me. Amanda sewed me in here.

-[doorbell rings] -Doorbell.

That's Cleo and Amanda.

While they distract Mr. Green's Mom,

I'll unzip the bear and we'll jump out the window.

Here she comes. Be quiet.

[Scandinavian accents] Hello, ya'.

-I am Inga. -I am Schminga.

And we are raising money for our dance troop.

May we entertain you with our traditional "willage" dance?

Kind of weird, but all right.

[Polka music playing]

[Wyatt grunts] I'm stuck in here.

I can't reach the zipper.

Very good. I've seen enough.

Wait.

Tambourine solo.

[jingling]

[grunts, chuckles]

-[Wyatt] Okay, out the window. -Right. Go.

Hey! Hey, they're getting away.

No. No, no.

Bernstein, go full bear!

[Wyatt] Grr. This ends now, Green.

[Green grunting]

[Green] Oh.

Argh!

[Wyatt grunts]

-[cries] You bear. -Ooh.

[grunting]

Ah! Ah!

Bernstein, come on. Let's go.

Whoa! Uh!

All right, we made it. Go! Go! Go!

Come on, Bernstein. I'll catch you.

-[Wyatt] Whoa! -[Crash grunts]

[Wyatt moans] I just threw up in here.

Uh. Oh, I thought that I smelled lunch.

-[game noises] -[Crash] Bernstein!

I did another thing on my living life to the awesome-est list.

I gave myself a nose.

What? How's that even possible?

Don't worry.

I watched Mr. Poulos install a faucet.

It's basically the same thing.

I'm gonna have hot and cold running snot.

[Crash] Here we go.

[grunting, whooshing]

Na-na!

Sorry. Premature na-na.

Hey. [sniffs]

I think this nose is working.

[sniffs] I can smell.

[inhales deeply]

[coughs]

Whoa, is that me?

♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪