Original subtitles

♪ Crash! ♪

[blowing raspberries, inhaling deeply]

Crash?

-Oh, there you are. -Hmm?

Listen, I don't mean to alarm you, but I have some bad news.

Try not to freak out.

[calmly] Why would I freak out? What could be so bad?

I can handle anything...

Unless we're out of jelly.

[gasps]

[yelling] We're out of jelly, aren't we?

Why, Bernstein? Why?

Oh! Oh! This can't be happening!

Oh, we're all gonna die!

[screaming]

Calm down! We're not out of jelly!

Then what's the big deal?

Sheesh! Talk about overreacting.

We got an email from Build-a-Bestie.

It seems like there's some problems with last year's models.

They emit foul odors.

[burps, blows]

Ugh.

Some emit smoke.

Is that smoke?

Chill, Bernstein.

I just took my underpants out of the toaster.

I like my skivvies lightly browned.

Great news! Crash is being recalled.

My magic doll must work.

Oh, please, like a doll could make me do--

[gargles]

[coughing]

[breathing heavily]

Nope, I still don't believe that a doll-- Whoa!

[nervous laughter] Nice dolly.

Nice, nice dolly.

This is the best day ever.

Now all I need is a circus to come to town

looking for smelly, 12-year-old boys.

Settle down.

I'm not going anywhere and neither is Crash.

I just have to take him in to get him fixed.

Give me a hammer. I can fix him.

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

-♪ And face slams ♪ -♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

Mom said I needed to supervise you guys,

so I'll be at the mall. Text me if you die.

Please fill out this form with your Bestie's name and address.

Why do you need my address?

Look, kid, I've been smiling for eight hours straight.

Just fill out the form!

I can't go back to working at the Cluck-n-Peck

and wearing that humiliating chicken hat!

Did she just say chicken hat?

Because when you fix me, I want that.

[Wyatt] Wait a minute.

Those are new besties. I thought they were fixing them.

I'll be right back.

Ask about the chicken hat. I'll work on my pecking.

Hi, this is the line where I get my Bestie repaired, right?

Better. We're giving you a brand-new buddy.

Plus, your current Bestie gets to go to the happy place.

[whirring]

[chuckles] That does not sound happy.

That sounds very unhappy.

Chuck, we have a happiness situation up here.

Crash, we have a big problem.

What? [horrified gasps]

They're out of chicken hats?

Aww, but I was getting so good at pecking.

Even figured out how to lay an egg.

-[inhales deeply, grunting] -Let's get out of here.

Mom and the girls have to believe you're fixed,

so let's get our stories straight.

Okay, how's this for a story?

Poor kid trades his cow for some magic beans,

climbs a bean stalk, meets a giant?

How's this?

I took you to the bestie warehouse.

They fixed you. Now you're all better.

So no magic beans? No giant?

I think your mom's a lot smarter than that.

Look, my mom's gonna make me take you back

unless she thinks you're fixed.

[grunts]

I'm fixed.

[chuckles, grunts]

Can you scratch my ear for me please?

Sure.

[moaning]

We have to do something to make the girls like you more.

So for starters, let's do something about your stink.

[coughs]

What is that awful smell?

It's called rose garden.

Do you have anything in a poo?

Hey, Wyatt. Come give me a hand with this, will you?

Sure.

You do not want to get shredded in that happy place,

so let me do all the talking.

Now, do not go in without me.

Got it.

I'm the giant. You're the kid with the magic beans.

-See ya. -No, Crash!

-I got to go. -Hey! Hey.

Carrying a wedding cake is a serious commitment

between two people.

Whose cake is this anyway?

Two young lovebirds who came to their senses

before the wedding, so I get a cake for 10 dollars.

Win. Win. Win.

[laughs]

Oh, here's a nice one of the family from a few years ago.

We were so happy in B.C.

Before Crash.

Of course.

And yes, yes, we were.

I'm different.

Yes. Yes, you are.

You don't seem different.

You look like the same Crash that Wyatt took to get fixed.

Ho-ho, Cleo.

The old me would say, "You naive, silly girl,"

and then emit some sort of gas,

but the new Crash is girl-friendly.

Peep this.

-[pop music playing] -♪ Girls ♪

♪ I came back for you-u-u ♪

♪ I'm new and improved, ooh ♪

♪ I wish I could see you guys ♪

♪ But my hair's always in my eyes ♪

♪ Eyes ♪

What? Now I'm supposed to believe you're in a boy band?

[in British accent] I'm Tobias.

I'm the sensitive one.

I like your style.

-Really? -Mmm.

Thanks.

[with Brooklyn accent] I'm Tony. I'm the bad one.

Agh!

He is kind of cute.

Later, doll.

I'm Crash.

I'm the unpredictable one.

-[yells] -Whoa!

[grunts]

[pop music resumes]

♪ You girls make me sa-a-ay what, what ♪

♪ Got a picture of you on my butt-butt ♪

Great. Now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head.

[doorbell rings]

[Mel] Amanda, get that. I'm in the shower.

♪ Got a picture of you on my butt-butt ♪

Hello, is your mother home?

Ugh! I begged Mom not to do online dating.

No, I'm Mr. Green from the Bestie retrieval unit.

I'm here to collect a recalled toy by the name of... Crotch.

Crash.

[chuckles] Okay.

And he belongs to...

Somebody with really bad penmanship.

Wyatt.

[chuckles] If you say so. It does-- okay.

But Crash was already fixed. Wyatt brought him in a few days ago.

Oh, they're not being fixed. They're being... phased out.

Here's the new one.

-Does he talk? -No.

-Does he eat lip gloss? -Highly doubtful.

Does he do cannonballs in the toilet?

Look, girly, it's just a toy. La-la-loo-loo, see?

Oh, I love him already.

I'll get Crash.

Hold on! I need you to sign for that.

Here you go.

Great. Thank you, Armando.

It's Amanda.

Seriously?

Who taught you kids how to write?

Crash, that guy's here to throw you into a wood chipper.

We have to get out of here quick.

[Crash] Way ahead of you, Bernstein!

[bungee cord boings]

You coming?

I'll take the stairs.

-Oh good. You're here. -[boings]

We have to make a run for--

Crash, we don't have time to waste. That guy wants to destroy you.

Is that bad?

[flatly] Really?

Yes!

Oh, no.

Oh, there he is. That's my brother.

-Where's the Bestie, kid? -[boings]

Yo no hablo inglés.

Aw, cut it. Your sister gave you up.

Ay, ay, ay.

Just give me the doll, little man.

Look.

The new one dances.

O-pa Bestie style.

Really. I don't know where Crash is.

-[boings] -Then you're gonna get this.

My card. Give me a call if you find him. I'll pick him up.

What? He's lying.

Wyatt never goes anywhere without Crash.

Interrogate him! Make him squirm!

I'll just look the other way...

Unless you don't mind me watching.

Ouch. Sisters, huh?

I have three of them.

Ay, ay, ay!

Let me make this clear, okay?

-I'm going to get Crash. -[boings]

When I start a job, I finish it,

no matter what my mother says!

Sure, I might not be my brother Robbie,

but we all can't be Robbie!

Can we? Can we?

I don't even know Robbie.

Oh, you'd love him. [chuckles] Everybody loves Robbie!

Okay.

[games beeping]

Your hands are cold.

[high-pitched scream] What are you doing here?

-We're hiding out. -[screams]

Stop doing that.

But it's so much fun hearing you go...

[high-pitched scream] Classic pesto.

Some creepy Bestie cop is after Crash. We need a place to lay low.

You can count on me.

If that guy comes in here, he'll never break me.

They're right here! What else do you want to know?

Wow, you are a rock.

-We need to find a place to hide. -How about Mr. Poulos's fishing cabin?

Shh. Not in front of Pesto.

Oh, right, right, right. [clears throat]

We're not going to Mr. Poulos's fishing cabin.

We're going to Mr. Shmoulos's...

wishing cabbage.

[chuckles] Look, I totally confused him.

That's how he always looks.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, honey. How was your day?

Okay. I couldn't decide which color to paint my nails

so I texted Jennifer to ask her.

And then that weird guy from the Bestie store

came by to get rid of Crash, so Wyatt and Crash took off.

And then Jennifer texted back that I should go with pearl berry so--

Wait, go back a minute.

-Oh, well, I texted Jennifer-- -Not there.

The part about a weird guy and my son taking off.

Oh, it turns out Wyatt didn't get Crash fixed,

so he might explode or something.

Explode?

Or something.

Where did they go?

I thought you were asking about my day.

[exasperated sigh] I've got to find them.

Oh, there's not a reward. I already asked.

I don't want to turn them in. I just want to make sure they're safe.

Where are they?

They're at Mr. Poulos's cabin!

Oh.

Wyatt and Crash?

No. Yes.

Oh, why do I have to ride home this way?

Anything else you want to tell me?

No.

I didn't shower this morning!

So looks like this is gonna be our home for a while.

Well, we'll have to make some changes.

The toilet obviously has to go in front of the fireplace.

Oh, right here, we'll build a stadium for snail wrestling.

Two snails enter. One snail leaves.

All great ideas, Crash. All great ideas.

Let's check out the food situation.

Oh, I hope there's string cheese!

Please let there be string cheese!

Ooh, string. Close enough.

[slurping]

[scoffs]

[spits] Needs salt.

When Mr. Poulos said he loved peaches,

I thought he was talking about his girlfriend.

There has to be something else.

Well, looks like we'll be living off peaches and marshmallows.

[chewing]

I call marshmallows!

[car approaching]

Car! That could be Mr. Green. Hide!

I know! Let's go to Hawaii!

No time for that. We have to hide here.

-I know! Let's hide outside. -[car door opens]

-He's outside! -[car door closes]

Then it's too late now, Bernstein. You wasted too much time.

Attack! I got him! I got him! I got him!

[growling]

Get off of me!

Mr. Poulos, what are you doing here?

It's a long story, but sufficed to say...

It's my cabin!

Your mom sent me up here to get you guys.

We can't go back.

There's a scary, weird guy that wants to take Crash.

Your mom knows all about it. She's gonna get it all worked out.

We'll stay here tonight and head back in the morning.

-Now who wants peaches? -Oh, me! Me! Me!

Aww, man. Who ate all my peaches?

Oh, me! Me! Me!

All right, come on, you guys. Let's go hit the road.

Um, we are eating.

Can't start the day without a healthy breakfast.

-[laughs] Now do me. -[spits]

Hurry it up.

-[screams] -Where is he?

-Who are you? -Read the windbreaker!

That Pesto kid ratted Crash out. I know he's here.

There they are!

Ha-ha

Say hello to my little friend!

That's me.

What?

What is-- what the heck?

Ow! Hey! Ah!

Gross. How old are these marshmallows?

[coughs]

Bernstein, I'm out.

-Get over here! -Run!

Bernstein, gumball me.

Ahh...

[chuckles, grunts]

Nuh-uh. Other barrel.

[both laugh]

[Green] No. No.

-No. -[grunting]

[grunting]

That's-- that's quite enough.

Quick, get in the van.

I will find you! This isn't over!

[Green cries] Ow!

That's it. That's the last of the Crash trash.

Careful of that box. It bites.

[growling]

I am so glad Crash is leaving.

I hate his guts.

That's a little harsh.

No, I mean these guts.

Eww! I think my eyes are gonna throw up.

-Ah. -Get back in there.

Wyatt's inside getting supplies. Just lay low and keep your mouth shut.

Gotcha.

Really? A mime?

Just when I thought you couldn't be more annoying.

You think this is funny?

You!

All right, where's the toy?

I'm done messing around. This is personal now.

What's wrong with you? Taking a toy from a little kid,

you should be ashamed of yourself.

I am ashamed of myself for unrelated reasons!

I come from a very successful family.

I'm the only one of my mother's four sons

who has a job where he has to wear a windbreaker!

Except for of course my kid brother Sully who's a windbreaker model.

You know, I've done some modeling myself,

mostly plumbing calendars, self-published.

Ah.

Wait a minute. What are you hiding back there?

Well, well, well.

What do we have here?

[Green laughs] Oh, boy, I needed this.

I've had a really bad day. Here you go.

Have you seen him?

Uh, we haven't seen him.

Darn it!

-Was that Mr. Green? -Yeah.

-Not very bright, is he? -[chuckles]

No kidding. Ha!

[shouting] Sucker!

I'm right here!

I was the mime!

-[laughs] -Oh no, run!

No, really run!

[panting]

Bernstein, Bernstein.

Listen, I just want you to know, if we don't make it out of this--

Don't talk like that. Of course we're gonna make it out of this.

Please let me finish.

If we don't make it out of this, I'm gonna eat you first.

I would expect nothing less. Now let's go.

Crash?

Oh, hey, Bernstein.

Remember that time we were being chased

by that bad guy from the Bestie place?

Seems like yesterday.

-It's right now! -Hmm? [grunts]

[tension music]

[both panting]

Oh.

[wheezing]

Kid!

Can you hear me?

I'm gonna get that doll.

I literally have nothing else going on in my life.

I should not have said that out loud.

[groans]

Oh, oh.

Gross, this thing is filled with old meat.

If by thing, you mean my belly, then you are correct, sir.

Mmm.

Now that you've had your 5:30 snack,

maybe we can get back to running for our lives!

Well, I really should wait half an hour before doing anything physical.

[sighs] Let's go.

-Oh and, Bernstein... -Yeah?

Wait. I lost my train of thought.

Crash, we need to hurry.

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

-Oh, now I remember! -What is it?

Nope. Gone again.

Come on!

He's hot on our tail. What should we do?

Ice cream!

No, there's no time for that.

No, look. Ice cream.

[soft music]

Who'd leave their ice cream truck open? That doesn't seem right.

Crash?

[tension music]

-Crash! -[engine starts]

Don't worry, Bernstein! I'll save you some ice cream!

♪ Let me hear you say Crash! ♪

♪ Crash! ♪

Pesto, I need your bike. It's an emergency.

Thanks for asking.

Usually my brothers just knock me off and take it.

Tell my mom Mr. Green took Crash.

I'm going to the Bestie warehouse to save him.

Oh, I get it. This is a test.

Don't worry. I won't say a thing.

No, I want you to tell her.

Your secret's safe with me.

Just tell her.

Don't worry. I won't.

Hey, Pesto.

-Wyatt went to the Bestie warehouse! -What?

I'm the one who broke your ceramic camel.

[high-pitch scream]

♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪