Original subtitles

♪ Crash! ♪

Ooh, boxes. We're finally moving out

of this sardine can you call an apartment.

Where we moving?

Is it that beautiful mansion down by the river

with the towers and the barbed wire

and the outside gym?

That's the prison, Crash.

I want to live there someday.

We aren't moving.

I'm just picking out stuff to sell at the school rummage sale.

Ooh, rummage.

That's a fun word to say.

[deep voice ] Rummage.

Rummage, rummage, rummage.

It gets less fun the more you say it.

Well, the rummage sale is always fun.

Last year, I got this, and I'm selling it this year.

Circle of life.

Cool.

I have some things I want to get rid of.

-[girls groan] -[Crash grunts]

Crash, what is going on?

Just get in the box.

Get in the box.

Individually, they're not worth much,

but as a set, someone might want them.

I like the way you think,

-but we're just selling my stuff. -Oh.

-Check the closet. -Ooh.

Sell this. Sell this. Sell this.

Sell this.

Hey!

Flex Fletcher. I can't sell this.

Why?

Because he was the best toy I ever had.

I used to take him everywhere with me.

Funny, you never mentioned this Flex Fletcher character before.

And where is this "everywhere" that you've never taken me to?

What are you getting so upset about?

I'm not upset.

[grunting]

Sell this!

Sell this!

Oh, look, baseballs.

[mad] Sell this ball! Sell this ball! Sell this ball!

Sell this ball! And this ball!

And this one! [mad] Oh!

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude ♪

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

- ♪ And face slams ♪ - ♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

Hey, Crash. Check this out.

[scoffs] Big deal!

Can Flex hold his breath and count to 100?

[inhales deeply]

[exhales sharply and gasps]

How long did I go?

I'd say about one.

Bet Flex can't beat it.

Of course not. He just stretches.

So do the ladies in your mom's yoga class. I don't see you hanging out with them.

I love the school rummage sale.

Time to get rid of useless junk.

Like the birdhouse I made in second grade...

For mother's day...

That you said you'd keep forever?

You were seven. You needed encouragement.

Fine. I love it. [kiss]

-[stretching] -[surprised] Whoa!

[glass shatters]

That better not be the birdhouse.

Yay!

Wyatt, please be careful with Flex.

I remember the destruction you two caused.

You call that destruction? It's just a picture frame.

I'll show you destruction.

Mrs. B, put that vase on your head.

I don't think so.

[whispers] Can it be the birdhouse?

Look at all these dolls.

Those are mine, don't touch them.

Cleo, you've never even played with them.

Look, they're still in their boxes.

That's how they retain their value.

These are my college fund.

I figure one of us should have a plan.

Oh, I have a college plan for my kids.

It starts with you moving into a dorm,

and it ends with me on a beach in Mexico.

[clears throat]

The middle's a little fuzzy.

Hey, Crash, help me price this stuff.

Hmm...What do you think we could get for Rex?

A rock? A piece of broccoli?

His name is Flex. And I'm not selling him.

I've had him since I was six.

[mockingly] I've had him since I was six.

Aw, Crash is jealous.

Jealous? I'm not jealous.

There's not even a word for the way I feel.

I just hate Flex because he's taking attention away from me.

That what jealous means, Crash.

Oh, who told you that? Flex?

-Wyatt, can I play with Flex? -Sure.

Finally. I hate that guy.

Did you see the way he was looking down on me?

Yeah, 'cause he was on the counter and you're short.

Whatever. At least he's gone and he can't bother me anymore.

[high-pitched voice] You're handsome.

[deeper voice] You're beautiful.

Huh?

[high-pitched voice] I love you.

[deeper voice] I love you more.

[wistful sigh] [kissing]

[gasps]

[mad] He did not do that right in front of me!

That freakishly limber home-wrecker thinks he can steal my girl?

Oh, it is on.

Okay, fair fight.

On the count of three.

One.

[grunts] Whoa!

[grunts] Oh. Um...

Let this be a lesson to you.

I'm so sorry you have to leave, Mr. Flex.

I hear you have a pressing engagement.

[laughs]

[sniffs]

Oh, I smell burning.

I smell even more burning.

Oh, now I feel pain.

Even more pain.

I'm gonna have to say on the pain scale, this is a ten.

[grunts]

[screams]

[sniffs] Ooh, waffles.

[screams]

[grunts] Okay, Fletcher.

You took my friend. You stole my girl.

You turned my hand into a breakfast-time treat.

It ends now!

This time you'll never come back.

[grunts]

So long.

[stick whirling]

What?

-No! -[thump]

Cleo!

I have a box of clothes for you to sell.

It is a lot easier than doing laundry.

Wyatt can have them.

I ran the numbers and the real money's in concessions.

I'm thinking cotton candy by...

[whispers] Cleo.

Mom, I need $80 for new boots. It's an emergency.

Amanda, the fashion police aren't real.

And you can't get arrested by them.

But I have a party next week.

And people have already seen me in these boots.

Crystal once wore the same shoes to two parties in a row

and you would not believe the horrible things I said about her.

If you need $80, then you need to earn it.

Has anyone seen Wyatt's annoyingly stupid doll?

I thought you were Wyatt's annoyingly stupid doll.

So did I, Mrs. B. [sad] So did I.

♪Let me hear you say Crash! ♪

-[shattering glass] -[laughs]

Flex slam! Ha!

[surprised] This is how I find out?!

Crash, give it a rest. I'm just playing with Flex.

Oh, how nice for you.

I had a fantastic day.

[sarcastic] Thanks for asking.

How was your day, Crash?

Oh, we are way past that!

You leave me no choice.

[shouts] I am out of here!

There's a moment in every man's life

when he needs to strike out on his own

and face whatever hardships the world throws at him.

[shivers]

There's a little nip in the air. I'm gonna put on a pot of tea.

But in my mind, I am making a dramatic exit

on a zebra.

Does Flex have an imaginary zebra?

Yeah, he's on him right now.

[imitates hooves clopping]

Neigh!

Wow, that guy's good.

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

I don't think you're gonna get 20 bucks for an old baseball.

It's signed.

You signed it.

You know how hard it is to write on a baseball?

Especially with a glitter pen?

Hey, Crash, come help us sort through this stuff.

Sorry, Bernstein, but I have moved on.

I have new friends.

We're watching a chick flick.

When does the flicking start?

Now.

Crash, you're loud and annoying and you stink.

Nobody wants you here.

Oh, I could get used to this girl talk.

When do we stab each other in the back, huh?

Crash, you're not fooling anybody.

I know you're just doing this because you're jealous of Flex.

That is absolutely false.

And by the way, I can't hang with you tonight

as I will hosting book club,

which I assume involves clubbing people in the head with books.

Good luck with all that.

Us guys are gonna have some fun.

Maybe even get into trouble.

What kind of trouble?

My mom says I'm not allowed to get into trouble.

Just play along.

What's that, Flex?

There's something rotting in the dumpster behind the butcher shop?

Let's go check it out.

It's not a real dumpster, right? My mom says dumpsters are trouble.

-[door closes] -[groans]

I never should have let him leave.

I should have gotten down on my hands and knees

and begged him to take me with him.

I forgot my coat.

What are you doing here?

I thought you left!

He'll be back, right?

[shouts] Get out!

[shouts] What is wrong with me?!

This suit is itchy.

Why do I have to dress like a monkey?

Because monkeys are cute.

I'm already cute.

Ehh...

That'll be $3.

And one for the monkey.

What's going on there?

Oh, it's a business partnership I have with my sister.

It's called "Amanda by Cleo."

Do you want to talk to a real high school girl?

Heck no. Not if I don't have to.

Hey, Amanda, how's it going?

Good. That'll be a dollar.

Every question's a dollar?

-Yes. Dollar. -Are you serious?

As serious as a new pair of boots.

Good chat. Next.

I have a question. If you and I were on a deserted island,

which one of my adorable qualities would you find most charming?

That noise you make when you fly.

I can't fly.

[gasps] [shouts] I can fly! [laughs]

[crash]

-What are you looking for? -What have you got?

Baseball cards, beef jerky,

Football helmet, bolts...

I only sell man stuff.

You have bolts?!

That is nuts!

No, they're bolts.

Hey, is that Flex Fletcher gear?

You know it.

[both] ♪ Flex Fletcher Go Flex Fletcher ♪

♪ You try to fight him ♪

♪And you wind up on a stretcher ♪

♪ Flex Fletcher ♪ [both laugh]

[fake cough] Nerd alert.

[coughs] Nerd.

Man, you got the Flex scuba gear,

Flex night-vision goggles...

[gasps]

Flex's pet dolphin, Connor.

Can you go five minutes without talking about Flex?

What? Am I supposed to pretend I didn't see Connor?

Yeah, I got everything they made for Flex

except Flex himself.

He's very hard to find these days.

Really?

Hard to find, you say?

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Really?

[slowly] What you said, you say?

Please go away.

Psst.

I got something I think you'll like.

[grunts]

Hey, great meat coat.

Do they make that in an extra tall?

Oh, sorry. Wrong side.

Those are for me.

Flex Fletcher! I'll give you $100 for him.

Oh, so you want to negotiate?

All right, I can tango. Give me 80.

You do know 80 is lower than 100, right?

[mad] Don't try to confuse me with your fancy numbers!

I'll take 50 and that's my final offer.

Okay, but I feel like I'm ripping you off.

[yells] Okay, okay! I'll throw in the meat coat.

I don't know how you sleep at night.

Bernstein, look.

I am now the proud captain of a gravy boat.

I'm just a submarine sandwich away from building a food navy.

So what? You're not mad at me anymore?

[scoffs] Why would I be mad?

I mean, it's just me and you again--

I mean, now--

[stammering] I mean like it's always been. [laughs]

[shouts] Oh, look, cotton candy!

Cannonball!

[grunting]

Here, Crash, grab this.

[continues grunting]

Whoa, close one.

Hey!

Can you believe that? That kid just ate me.

[muffled] Not cool, man.

Ugh.

Uh-oh. Let's get out of here.

I feel a feeding frenzy coming on.

[hollering]

[grunts]

Whoa, that's an ugly wig.

-What are you looking at? -[screams]

[laughter]

-Crash, have you seen Flex? -Why?

Did someone tell you something? If they did, they're lying.

Should I have a lawyer for this conversation?

Did you do something with Flex?

[scoffs] No.

You mean, besides love him unconditionally?

Crash, time for your hair appointment.

Not now. We're busy.

Um, Bernstein, I have an appointment.

Jasmine, do you have Flex Fletcher?

No, he and Princess Glitter broke up.

He was too clingy.

Well, he won't be clinging to her anymore.

[laughs maniacally]

Crash, what did you do?

Nothing. Get over it.

Now, let's go to the arcade.

I'm sitting on fifty smackaroos from selling Flex.

Oops.

You sold him? That is so not cool.

How would you like it if I got rid of something

that meant a lot to you?

[gasps] You don't mean my gravy boat?

Good idea.

[bangs]

[bangs]

[banging]

[upset] That was very unsatisfying.

Hey, Bernstein.

Crash, not now.

Na-na! Meet Gum Man!

He's made of gum!

Get that thing out of my face.

Uh, "thing"?

Bernstein, give Gum Man a chance.

♪ It's Gum Man ♪

♪ Go, Gum Man ♪

♪ He can do anything Better than Flex can ♪

[deep voice] Now with flavor crystals.

[Crash laughs]

Crash, that's just it.

Flex couldn't do anything.

He was a lifeless object that I made do things.

Well, you sure were spending a lot of time making him do things.

I know. I was just trying to show you how ridiculous you were being.

I thought Flex was gonna replace me.

Flex could never replace you.

He's just a toy.

You're my friend.

Yeah, well. Flex is just a--

And you're--

You're--

[sobbing] The best friend ever.

I'm sorry, Bernstein.

I've been a bad friend.

Being jealous of Flex,

putting stuff in your sheets...

What?

Oh, you didn't find it yet?

Ah, never mind.

[excited] Let's go get that stretchy freak back. Yeah!

[rattling]

Really, dude? Baby rattlesnakes?!

She had her babies?!

Thanks for agreeing to meet us here.

Sorry we're late.

We had to go pick up some baby rattlesnake presents.

-[rattling] -I know, so redundant.

All right, let's talk business.

You said that you had something for me

that would make me want to give Flex back to you.

What is it? Fishing gear? A carburetor?

It's a heartwarming story.

Uh-huh.

About a carburetor?

No. It's about a boy with a lot of sisters

and a stretchy toy that made him feel less outnumbered.

-He's talking about himself and Flex. -I got that.

He's the one with the sisters. Flex is the stretchy one.

-It really wasn't that hard to follow. -Oh.

So what do you say, sir? Can I buy Flex back from you?

It would mean a lot to me.

I don't know, kid.

Flex is pretty awesome.

A guy could build a really strong bond with this dude.

Which is why I have to say...

No. You can't have him.

What?

Well, it was a good story, kid,

But, I mean, come on, It's Flex Fletcher.

I can't believe I'm not already home playing with him.

I'll see you later, kid.

Oh, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You haven't heard my story.

It's called-- [shouts] Run!

[laughs] [grunting]

[stretching]

[grunts]

You don't know who you're messing with, pal.

I eat guys like you for lunch.

Oh, hey, Peaches. Hey, Pumpkin. Hey, Bumblebee.

Oh, honey, your braid's coming out.

I've got a bobby pin in my fanny pack.

[bangs] [grunts in pain]

I hate you, Flex. [groans]

Are these your daughters?

Oh, half of them. I have six.

You live with six girls?

Yeah, and my wife, of course...

And her mother...

And my great-aunt Reba...

And her four female cats.

That's a lot of girls.

It's not so bad. They let me watch sports on my birthday.

You know what?

You can keep Flex.

Sounds like you need him more than I do.

After all, I have Crash.

Thanks, kid.

Get him! He's got Flex!

[both grunt]

No, Crash, it's okay.

I gave him Flex.

He lives with more girls than we do.

[gasps] You poor, poor man.

Wait here.

Can you take a few more?

The little one doubles as a monkey.

I admit they're great boots,

But you know the rules. No parties on a school night.

But this is research for college.

There will be college guys there.

You really need to work on your negotiating skills.

Did someone call for a negotiator?

I'll take it from here, young lady.

Mrs. B,

what do say my client

gets her homework done first, then goes to the party

and is home by 10:00?

That actually sounds reasonable.

-Thanks, Mom. -Not so fast.

What if Amanda does extra homework,

sweeps the patio, goes to the party, and is home by 8:00?

Crash, what are you doing?

8:00 does seem a little early.

Fine. She doesn't go to the party,

gets her ears unpierced and she's grounded for two weeks.

-Crash! -I know, right?

Call me when prom rolls around.

After I work my magic, you won't even have to go.

♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪