Original subtitles

[ambient traffic noise]

- [Radio] Harrison County crime scene report indicates

that the body was found beneath a sign written in blood

that read "stop the violence."

The deceased, Leonard Gray, a 17 year old white male

was found on the third floor in

the before mentioned school.

An exit wound was found in the left rear quadrant

of the upper skull, the bullet having traveled

through the brain.

The wound is consistent with the subject's having

placed the muzzle of the gun in the mouth

and fired the weapon.

Body position is consistent. [clicks]

[melancholy music]

[brakes squeal]

[melancholy music]

- Everything all right? - Thank you.

[melancholy music]

[car door closes]

[melancholy music]

[knocks on door]

- Audio video. [melancholy music]

- Yes, I'm doing a story on school shootings

for LA Times magazine.

I'm particularly interested in people involved in

the Madison High School shooting back in 99.

Cameron Porter his last address

in the area was on Lucas Street.

Yes, I tried contacting his parents but they declined.

Great, I'm staying at the Hyatt room 234.

That would be great, I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you, okay bye.

- You're all set, ready to go.

Thank you very much.

[melancholy music]

- Good afternoon, I'm Detective Henry.

A tragic shooting took place as classes were beginning.

And, what we know at this point is that one gunman

arrived early at the school and opened fire

killing one student and wounding six others

who have been taken to the hospital.

The shooter was killed as well.

We have two other suspects in custody

that are being held for questioning.

- I don't know, I was walking to my econ class

and I saw a guy get shot.

It's a guy that I have a history class with.

I think his name is Brad and he got shot and he fell.

And, as soon as I saw him fall I ran.

That's all I know.

- [Interviewer] How many shots were fired?

- I think just one.

Just one, it got Brad and--

[VHS forwarding sounds]

[melancholy music]

- Its 10:30 in the morning, October 24th.

This morning I'm interviewing Cameron Porter

who was a senior at Madison High in Harrison County

during the shooting incident last April 22nd.

Is that correct?

- Yes, sir.

- And, do you understand that these interview tapes

are not going to be privileged, that they can

be used for any subsequent legal action?

And furthermore, you've agreed to be interviewed

in an effort to cooperate with the analysis team

and you signed a waiver to that effect.

- Yes, sir.

- [Richard] Why don't you tell me your parents names

and tell me sort of work they do.

- My father's name is Norman.

He works for Quality Control for DynaRide Industries.

They manufacture heavy equipment.

Mother's name is Elizabeth.

She works for an office supplies company.

- You an only child?

- Yeah, yes sir.

- No, yeah is fine here.

What kind of a relationship do you have with your parents?

- We have a good relationships, we're okay.

- Cameron, I'm not trying to suggest that you

don't have a good relationship with your parents, okay?

I know that's the cliche that everybody wants to drag out.

But, what I'm trying to do is to get to know you.

Okay? - Okay,

I'm an average kid, an average guy.

- You don't have an average IQ.

You've been tested in the 140 range,

that's very high.

I scored 15 points lower on that same test.

- That doesn't mean anything.

At least, I don't think it means anything.

My father said you could have a high IQ

and still be stupid, so.

- When did you become friends with Leonard?

- My sophomore year, I was trying out for

the basketball team and he would always

come and watch the tryouts.

I didn't make the team and I felt pretty bad about it.

I was walking home with him and he was putting me down

but it wasn't in a mean way.

I wouldn't have made the final cuts and I wasn't

on the team and my father found out.

He started really putting me down,

but Leonard wasn't like that.

- So, your father was upset that you didn't make

the basketball team?

- You make it like it was a big deal,

it wasn't a big deal.

- I'm sorry. Why don't you tell me about it.

- My father played basketball in the Army

and after that he played professional ball in Europe.

He's strong and that was his game.

He'd muscle you to the basket and then hack the shit

out of you and tell you how you play like a girl.

I mean, I don't know, that was his game.

- [Richard] How'd that make you feel?

- How you think it made me feel?

How should it make me feel?

- Obviously, it didn't make you feel good.

- You're trying to fit me in, right?

I either a ballplayer, or a loner, or what, right?

You really need me to fit in someplace.

- No, no, no I'm just trying to figure out who you are.

It's okay if you don't fit into any category.

You seen Leonard's father since the incident?

- [Cameron] No.

- According to the report you had an unpleasant

experience at one of Mister Gray's civic organizations.

- Len pretty much laughed it off, too.

He asked me if I wanted to go shooting with him

and his father.

I thought it sounded cool, so I said okay.

About five miles, six miles away there was

these white guys who talked about guns

and how the country's gone soft.

How they keep letting all these immigrants in

and that type of thing.

It was a camp as well as a shooting range.

We all lined up in a row and they called it a skirmish.

15 feet in front of us there were these pop up comics,

like these bad guy comics with guns.

Pop up and you had to shoot 'em, it was fun.

And, there were these women with like grocery bags

and they would pop up and you're not supposed to shoot 'em.

It was like it was about thinking quick.

Then, Martin Luther King popped up with a gun

and everybody shot him.

- That supposed to be a joke?

- [Cameron] I guess.

- That's pretty rough.

- I mean, I didn't agree with it but you don't

have to agree with what everybody does.

- So, as a black man it didn't bother you

them shooting at Doctor King's image?

- I didn't like it. - Why?

- I guess 'cause I felt like I was

putting me being black on the sideline

and I couldn't.

- [Richard] That had to be painful.

- You're not black.

- No, but I've had to put aside who I was before.

And, every time I put my own self or my own feelings

aside it's painful.

- I told my dad about it, he said it was

the way business was done, so.

- [Richard] What did he mean by that?

- He said people test you to see if you can stay focused

on the business or if you're gonna go on some

Civil Rights kick and throw away the business.

- [Richard] And, you said?

- Nothing, you don't argue with my father.

- If you could argue with your father

what would you have said?

- Maybe that I was ashamed.

- [Richard] Ashamed?

- I think I feel like that a lot of the time.

- [Richard] You feel like that now?

- A little bit.

- [Richard] You and Len had a club of some sort, right?

That paper made a big deal about that, what was that?

- Order Sagite, yeah.

The papers played on the fact that they said

we all had high IQs and all went dark.

I mean, it wasn't true.

- Well, tell me about it.

- The Order of the Arrow, I liked it.

There was no rules, no oaths,

you know, no initiation.

It was just me Len and Carla and we were

gonna do things together.

It pretty much broke up after, but for a while

for maybe two weeks he was all about it.

One time in English class Miss Clift was

talking about MacBeth and how great Shakespeare was

and right in the middle of it Carla raised her hand

and says, "Did you know that Shakespeare was dead?"

And everybody in class started laughing.

Miss Clift said, "The great works of authors

"make them immortal."

Carla says, "No," she says, "They're not immortal.

"They die like they're supposed to.

"And, we should appreciate their work and move on."

It was the ways he said it was so serious

and so dry that it shook Miss Clift, do you know?

I was impressed, that's why I told Len about it 'cause--

- You said that Len and Carla had a falling out.

- [Cameron] Yeah, right after the turtle thing.

- Okay, what's the turtle thing?

- He said he wanted us to go shoot with him

at this place he knew.

He said he would set up targets.

It would be like a combat type thing.

He said he'd put the targets out the night before.

There were six of them.

The goal was to shoot all six and get out of there

before someone heard the gunshots and came to see

what was going on.

And, I think it was a test, more or less,

with me and Carla.

Anyways, we found them and we shot five.

They were in these orange bags hanging from trees,

hanging from these trees.

Right away I had a bad feeling about it so I asked Len,

I said "what was in the bags."

And, he said, "Don't worry about it,

"they were just targets."

I guess Carla had a bad feeling about it too,

because when we got to the last one she walked up to it.

She was like 10, maybe five feet away from it

and Len shot at it.

And, she didn't even stop.

She went right up to the tree and took the bag down,

opened it up.

She walked right past us to the car.

They were turtles, turtles you could buy at a pet store.

Four in each in bag, Carla was really pissed.

She said, "Len should have told us what was in the bag."

He said that he had told us they were targets.

That was it, then we went back and no one said anything,

that was it. - God.

How'd that make you feel, shooting the turtles?

- I mean, I didn't feel good about it, I felt bad.

And then, Carla got on case she said

I was worse than Len because yeah Len was weird

but that I was a lackey.

I knew about it and didn't do anything about it,

that I wouldn't say anything about it.

- Did that make you feel differently about Len?

- It made me think that maybe he wasn't,

he was a different guy than I thought he was.

- Oh come on, wait a minute Cameron, are you telling me that

up to this point you didn't realize that Len was,

I don't know, what did you say different?

- Him shooting the turtles was different

'cause they were alive.

And, maybe it was just that he didn't tell us

what was in the bags.

That made it bad.

- There was an incident at the school that resulted

in Len getting suspended, do you remember that?

- Yeah, it started over nothing.

There was this girl

she had a fast mouth.

I mean, she never really had anything to say

except for putting people down.

I guess that day she felt like being on Len's case.

So, he wore this hat a lot and so she started

getting on him about the hat.

There were some jocks standing close by

so she said right in front of Len and

she started talking about how she's not scared of Len

and stuff like that and all the jocks started laughing.

And she got right up in his face, right up in Len's face.

Len said something to her and some spit came out.

He said he didn't mean

to spit on her, but he did.

So, she slapped him and then he slapped her back

and then two of the jocks came up and started punching him,

beating on him and the teachers came and broke it up.

Then, the girl's boyfriend Brad, I guess he'd heard

about it, said he was gonna beat up Len.

- Brad Williams?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Later on they surrounded us and they started

calling us names and they started slapping us.

But, I mean they didn't slap us hard or anything

like that, I guess just to show that they could.

Then, they told us to get on our knees

and beg for mercy.

We didn't, so they forced us to.

Some girls came and saw and told 'em to let us up.

Some other girls came and laughed.

Then Mister Anders walked in

and they started walking away, the jocks

started walking away.

One turned around and pointed at us and said

that we were trying to have sex with them.

And, Mister Anders knew it wasn't true, but

he didn't say anything 'cause he's a baseball coach.

And anyway, the jocks can do whatever they want.

I mean, they do whatever they want anyway.

So, after school we went to the football field

there was line nine of 'em.

Len was wearing his long coat, looked like

a cowboy or something.

And then Brad showed up, Brad grabbed Len around

the collar and Len just smiled.

So, Brad slapped him and Len just kept smiling

and standing there.

I could tell Brad didn't really know what to do after that.

And, one of his friends pushed me towards Len,

started talking shit, got in my face talking shit.

I just turned and looked at him, turned to face him.

I could tell he wasn't really sure whether

he could take me or not.

We're kind of the same height, the same weight.

- Did he actually hit you?

- I think he wanted to but he didn't.

He just stood there and called me a punk.

And Brad told Len he wasn't worth his time

and me and Len just ended up walking back to the car.

When we got to the car Len said,

"thank you for coming with me."

When we got in the car he asked me if I knew why

he thanked me.

And I said, 'cause if I hadn't come he would

have got jumped or something.

And he said, "No, if you hadn't come I would

"have to have killed Brad."

And then, he opened up his coat and showed me the Ruger.

I think Len really played it cool, though.

I think he handled it well.

- He showed restraint, but Len was clearly thinking

about shooting Brad at that time.

- And Brad was clearly thinking about beating Len up.

[scoffs]

- How did it make you feel that Len had a gun?

- It was okay. It gave him a sense of power.

I mean, even if he didn't use it, I mean.

- Come on, Cameron, you're an intelligent young man.

You and I both know that in a civilized society

guns are not a source of real power.

- Okay yeah, you can say that.

And, it makes sense, but it makes more sense on paper.

If someone punches you in the face 'cause they can,

I mean that's not real power but when they're standing

in front of you it sure feels like it.

Someone sits behind you they keep kicking the back

of your chair, they keep kicking the back of your chair

and you don't feel like turning around 'cause

you don't wanna look them in the face.

I mean, for a second there that can feel,

that could feel like real power.

That's a kind of power, and that's real.

Guns are power.

If they weren't we wouldn't be here.

- Len's not here.

- But Len also didn't really wanna be here.

- Len talk about not wanting to be here?

Come on, Cameron, Len talk about suicide?

He said that it was the ultimate power.

It was like being God.

- Elaborate on that.

- That's what it was.

You want some comic book conversation.

It wasn't like we were sitting around having

a dark conversation, it was what it was.

It came up. - Cameron,

when we look at Len's behavior a pattern emerges.

I mean, there's reason to believe that he went

to school that day expressly to die.

In other words, it was an elaborate way to commit suicide.

You ever think about suicide?

- Before the shooting

sometimes I would think about it, but

now I think about it a lot.

Only because I think

if I could pull it off

it would make my parents happy.

I think they could get through it.

I cost them a lot of money.

I don't wanna die, I just want it to get over with.

I don't,

maybe that's why I don't mind

answering these questions because

I don't think it's going to make a difference.

It's not gonna bring anybody back to life.

- If you could reverse things, go back in time

so to speak, where would you start?

- I don't know.

I'm just really sorry about all of it, I screwed it.

I really screwed everybody up.

- It's okay to show your emotions, Cameron.

Crying's no big deal.

It's just another way that humans have

of expressing their selves.

What did your parents say?

- My dad was

my dad was so pissed that

he grabbed me and pushed my head against the wall.

He clenched his fist like he was gonna hit me

and he just held me there, for a long time.

My mom as just yelling, asking him not to hit me.

He said,

he said he was ashamed to have me

as a son.

- Did your father ever hit you?

- No, sometimes I,

sometimes I dreamed he would.

- [Richard] You dreamed he would hit you?

Did you want him to hit you?

- Sometimes, I thought maybe

maybe if he hit me I could take it and

it'd be over with, you know?

Rather than him getting on my case and telling me

how he thinks I'm crap.

They talk about how he's working all the time

to support my sorry ass.

He said I should play him one-on-one and if I win

he'll pay for my college.

I was so mad

that I grabbed the ball and we went out to the Lincoln park.

I mean, he's good but I feel like if it was a fair game

I could have had a good chance. You know?

But, he kept beating on me.

He kept beating on me and elbowing me.

I wanted to hit him back, but I couldn't.

I just couldn't.

I had a bruise on my face.

- [Richard] What happened then?

- I stayed in for two days.

And Len came by one of the days,

my face was still messed up

and I told him what happened.

Then, he told me about his plan, how he was gonna

put a stop to the silence.

- Stop to the silence?

- I asked him what he meant by that and he

he said everybody had agreed to keep the violence quiet.

Mister Washington, the teachers, the coaches.

He said they didn't mind keeping it quiet because

it made it easier to deal with.

Just let the kids suffer and hopefully

they'll make it out all right.

He said he was gonna break a hole in the wall

of silence so big that it couldn't be fixed.

And, he asked me if I wanted to be involved.

- [Richard] What did you say?

- I said I didn't know.

Then, he told me all he was gonna do

was write "Stop the Violence" in blood.

He said that was all he was gonna do.

- [Richard] Did you know that Carla had started

talking to Len again?

[tense music]

[paper rustles]

[tense music]

[footsteps]

[tense music]

- [Woman] All the boxes that you need

are right over there.

Let me know if you need anything.

- Thanks. [tense music]

[tense music]

[door thuds]

[tense music]

[metal clatters]

[tense music]

[footsteps]

- [Franklyn] Carla, you signed the Miranda statement and

you do understand that we're here to further

the investigation into possible future threats

to students and other personnel in Harrison County?

- [Carla] Yes.

- [Franklyn] Carla, my name is Franklyn Bonner.

I'm a psychologist and the president of a company

called Spectrum Group.

We specialize in threat assessment.

Our job is to analyze events and make predictions

about the possibility of future events.

Are you okay?

- [Carla] Yeah, I'm fine.

- To begin our interview today can tell me something

about your home life?

I understand you live with a foster family.

- [Carla] Yeah, that's right.

- Why do you live with this family?

- My folks split when we moved to Saginaw

and so I lived with my mom with a while

and then that wasn't cutting it so

I had to move in with my dad in his creepy trailer.

And then, I had some trouble there

and so I moved in with an aunt out here.

And then, I stopped going to school on a regular basis

so they just threw me in with a foster family, case closed.

- [Franklyn] What was your relationship like

with your mother?

Did you get along?

- Oh yeah, we have a lot in common.

I'd say we're more like sisters than anything else.

But, she just doesn't have a lot of confidence

in herself, you know?

I mean, after my dad left her she had

these boyfriends and they messed her over pretty good.

She kind of lost it, so she didn't really

need me around causing her trouble.

- [Franklyn] And, what kind of trouble did you cause?

- Just being around, mostly.

I mean, she could barely take care of herself.

- [Franklyn] Which means?

- Which means I had to run things half the time.

We got evicted from the place we were renting.

And, she wanted to move back to Chicago where she's from

in with her brother and his wife

and I didn't wanna do that.

So, I moved in with my dad.

- And, what was that like?

- [Carla] He was a loser.

- Can you elaborate on that?

- Just he had nothing going on really, just kind of

floating around, bouncing from job to job

and blowing all of his money in bars,

that kind of thing.

- And, you didn't like living with him?

- Well no, I was like his fricking maid half the time.

I mean, I couldn't stand how dirty his place was.

So, I just tried to stay away from him.

But, he didn't care, all he cared about

was his next beer.

- So, it's fair to say that you didn't particularly

like your dad.

- No, it's not fair to say that.

I didn't like him or not like him.

He was just there.

- [Franklyn] How old were you at the time?

- 12, I guess, maybe 13.

I'd just gotten my period.

- All right, you were a student at Madison High for

a fairly short amount of time.

Would you say that your tenure there was positive?

- Would I say what?

- Were you happy at Madison High School?

- Oh, [scoffs] it was okay I guess.

- How did you first meet Leonard and how did you

first meet Cameron?

- Well, I met Cameron first.

He was really nice and I like black guys.

- Why is that?

- Because, black guys don't have a lot of baggage, right?

Unless they're heavy into a get whitey thing.

I mean, they have who they are.

They have what they can do, but they don't have

a bunch of crap about who you have to be

or who they have to be.

I mean, you meet most black guys and

what you see is what you get.

But, Cameron was a little different 'cause

his folks had money and they loved to show it off.

But, I wanted to meet him because he seemed nice.

So, then I met Len and I told him

I liked Cameron because they were tight, Len and Cameron.

And then Len came onto me really heavy

and he could be really smooth.

Well, not smooth I guess, but sincere.

He could be really sincere,

made you feel like he needed you.

But one thing I liked about Len was he didn't

try to crawl into my pants right away.

Most guys just wanna get into bed without even

knowing your name.

- Have you been to bed with other boys?

- Sort of.

- Well, you can't sort of go to bed with a boy.

- Yes you can, you can sort of do whatever

you want with a boy.

- I'll take your word for that.

So, what happened when you were friends with both of them?

- We started hanging.

Len was dark and Cameron was getting there.

And, I don't know, I just liked 'em both.

- [Franklyn] And, why do you like boys who are,

how did you put it, dark?

- Because that's what I was.

I mean, I wasn't exactly rolling with the band, man,

in case you didn't notice that by now.

- Describe Len and Cameron to me.

- Describe them?

Cameron is open. He's kind of gentle.

He's built nice and cute in a young kind of way.

But, he's really sweet.

He's not like a rapper or anything like that.

If I looked him in the eyes, if I went up to him

just looked at him in the face

he would smile at me.

I like that in guy.

- [Franklyn] And Leonard?

- Len was cool.

You always got the impression there was something

spinning around in his head.

He knew people, man.

And, one day I was having a really lousy day

my day was going down hill in a hurry.

[sighs]

I was sitting in the cafeteria by myself

and Len comes over with a cup of tea,

and just puts it down next to me and walks away.

I mean, he just knew I needed some tea with lemon

and not no freakin' conversation.

He just put it down and walked away.

That was Len.

- [Franklyn] But, eventually you had a falling out with him.

- Yeah. He knew how to hurt, too.

He was pretty good at that.

- He posted some information about you on the net.

Can you tell me about that?

- [Carla] No, I will not tell you about that.

That's personal information and I'm not gonna

go there with you.

That's between me and my shrink.

- Carla, I need to understand the impact.

Of all the incidents that lead up to the tragic events

of April 22nd.

I'm trying to be as fair to everyone as possible.

Now, I understand in your case that there is

some history of molestation.

- Excuse me? Do you speak English?

Do you understand what I say when I'm saying

I'm not going there?

- Fine. Fine.

Can you tell me what happened on the days leading up

to April 22nd?

- I just stopped going to school,

turned away from all that crap.

People were making remarks and what not.

I talked to Cameron once or twice.

He called to see if I was okay.

He was pretty pissed at Len for putting that crap

about me on the internet, too.

I didn't have a major conversation with him or anything.

I was taking tranqs to mellow out.

- Tranquilizers? These were prescribed?

- Some were some weren't?

Anything you need you can pretty much get at Madison.

So, then Len calls me.

And, I'm thinking to myself,

"It's outrageous that you even have my number

"in your brain.

"Get my number out of your fucking brain."

He basically apologizes for the violence

he had laid on me.

- [Franklyn] You had a physical confrontation with him?

- No, just talking about putting my business

in the streets.

He said he was sorry and he knew he shouldn't

have done it.

- [Franklyn] Did you believe that?

- Yes and no, but he laid it down like violence

against me, which it was.

When I first started going to that clinic

to talk about what happened to me

they told me it was about me being attacked.

Even though there wasn't any hitting or fighting involved

I was still being attacked.

And, that's when I learned that violence is just

as much about what happened

as it how it happened.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I do, I do.

Did you accept Leonard's apology?

- Well, he didn't sound like he was bullshitting me.

And, I kind of have this thing about confrontations.

I just feel like if I don't confront people

about stuff, if I just don't talk about it

that I can just get past it.

I can put it out of my head.

So, whenever someone messes with me and they say

they're sorry I usually just go for it.

Not for them, but mostly for me.

So, I was definitely gonna put some distance

between me and Len and he was gonna be

jerking my chain.

I was gonna jerk his, too.

- So, what happened then?

- So, Len was laying this rap about how he's sorry

for the pain he put me through, rapping about

how there's so much crap in the world.

And then, he say he knows this woman artist

named Kiera something, I don't remember.

But, she did these paintings in blood, real blood.

And, he said what he was gonna do was go to

the school and write, "Stop the Violence"

all over the school in his own blood.

- Well, that's rather dramatic.

- Yeah, I know, but I thought he would write it

maybe once, or he'd have to write it really small.

Because, I mean, how much can you bleed?

You have 10 pints of blood in your body.

I looked it up on the internet.

And, it's not like you're gonna be writing a book.

So, I was supposed to be the one to fix the door.

- Fix the door?

- Well, they lock all the doors of the school at night.

And, they don't unlock 'em again until five minutes

before school starts, except for the front door.

So, I was supposed to get to school early and bang on

the back door until someone came and I was gonna

tell them that I had to go to the bathroom.

Of course, the girls' bathroom is on the first floor

right near that door.

So, I was supposed to push the little button on the door

that makes it stay unlocked.

I was gonna bring in some paint to for Len

and Cameron and leave it in the bathroom.

Then, as soon as school started I was supposed

to meet them in the library.

I called Cameron and Cameron said that Len

had called him and said the same thing

and he wanted to come along, but Cameron

was kind of worried about it because it seemed like

a big step and they could both get kicked out

of school for doing something like that.

- Cameron was worried about that?

- Yeah, but I wasn't 'cause I wasn't really

planning on going back to school anyway.

So, I got the paint.

I asked for blood red and the guy gave me vermilion.

And, I talked to Len that morning and he sounded

a little weird.

I thought he was just high or something

like he'd been smoking.

And, he asked me if I was still coming

and I said yes.

And then, he started bashing on Cameron because

he said he thought Cameron was backing out.

And, I was like, "Ease up on Cameron, because this

"is just your show and we're just helping you."

So, he eased up on Cameron

and he told me that he would meet me at the school.

So, I was driving my stupid

Chevy Cavalier that's like 109 years old.

The belt whistles and slips and squeaks

and you could hear me coming down the street.

So, I'm supposed to get to school at like 7:30.

The first bell rings at 8:05.

But, by the the I get to Felson's my car's overheating

and I have to wait for it to cool down.

So, I put water in the radiator.

It's ready to boil over any minute.

So, by the time I get to school it's like

10 to eight and I go to the door and I try it

and it's already unlocked.

So, I go in, there's a maintenance guy there

reading into his paper and drinking coffee

and he doesn't see me.

So, I slip up into the staircase and I start going up

the stairs to go to the third floor.

But, before I can get to the third floor

I start hearing all this noise, all this freaking

commotion and stuff.

And then, I get to the third floor

I saw Cameron, he looked all bug eyed and crazy

like he was really freaked out about something.

[sniffles]

And, I saw he had a gun.

And, I'm like, "What the hell is going on?"

And then, I looked to Len and he has ammunition

strapped all around his body.

I just knew that something big was gonna happen.

So, I looked back to Cameron

to ask him what the hell is going on

and the window next to me just like explodes.

And, there's glass falling everywhere

and I'm running and I'm half being dragged by Cameron.

And then, I hear some more shots, but it's louder

than at the shooting range and I'm really scared.

Cameron's pulling me and I'm fighting him.

And, we're going down the stairs and I bang my knee

on the railing in the staircase and Cameron's

still pulling me.

Then, I hear Len scream something.

And, I wanna go back to help him because I feel like

someone's after him.

And Cameron is screaming something but

just too scared to think straight, I guess.

I don't know what he was saying.

Then, he pushed me into a closet

in the audio visual room.

All I remember after that is just sitting there

shaking and crying.

[sniffles]

Oh yeah, I peed all over myself.

Then, I just waited.

Some SWAT guys came, they opened the door,

they took me out.

They had Cameron handcuffed, they handcuffed me

and that's it.

I didn't even know what else had happened

until they told me later that night.

- What do you think of all this, Carla?

If you had to sum this up, what would you say?

- I've thought about it, naturally.

And, the thing is that everybody is just looking

at what happened that day.

But, when you think about it what happened that day

is just the result of a bunch of other stuff.

I don't think things would have went down

the way they did if a bunch of other stuff

hadn't pushed Len to where he was.

I mean, I haven't seen anybody looking into the other stuff.

- Well, we are trying to get a complete picture.

Hey Carla, one last question.

On balance,

just you and me think you actually like Leonard?

- With Leonard I was part of something,

a little group.

Maybe that's better than actually liking someone.

- I don't see how that's possible.

If the group, like you say, if the group

is not functioning very well.

- Well, that's the difference.

Len understood it.

- [Franklyn] What's that mean?

- Nothing.

- Would you have done anything differently.

- Not then, I guess.

But now, I guess I should find myself

a functioning group, huh?

[anticipatory music]

- I think we can end out interview right there.

[anticipatory music]

- Whatever. [anticipatory music]

[anticipatory music]

[tense music]

[thuds]

[anticipatory music]

[phone rings]

- Hello? Yes.

Really, that's great.

You're sure it's Cameron Porter?

Great, this is great.

Yes, I do.

And this is his, his work or his home?

Okay, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Okay, you too. Bye.

[anticipatory music]

[VHS tape clatters]

[anticipatory music]

- Mister Porter did you know there's a club on campus

right now called Order Sagite and from what

we can assess it has 30 to 40 members?

- Probably all the media.

Kids just probably wanna be a part of something.

- Is that what you wanted, to be a part of something?

- [Cameron] I guess so.

- So, why didn't you join the Boy Scouts?

- 'Cause it's lame.

- So, when you met on the morning of April 22nd

was that an organized meeting of the Order of the Arrow?

- We weren't even talking about that

when the incident happened.

- When you say incident are you referring

to the shootings? - Yeah.

- So, you refer to murder as an incident.

- Yep.

- You got along well with Len, didn't you?

- Yeah.

- Who was bigger? - I'm taller.

- Stronger? - Probably.

- Did you every wrestle or box?

- No, Len wasn't into anything physical so.

- What did he think of you?

- We got along.

- It's a little confusing for you to just get along

with somebody and then do the kinds of things

you and Len did together.

- He liked me.

I was straight up with him, he was straight up with me.

That was our relationship.

- And, you set yourselves apart from others.

- We were apart.

I don't think we set ourselves apart.

Even before I started hanging with Len I felt apart.

- You know that he broke into the clinic's offices

and stole Carla's records, is that right?

- After he told me.

- There's no way of knowing if you helped him or not.

- No, I didn't help him.

- So, Len wanted the records and he found a way

of getting them.

He abused prescription drugs, he found a way

of getting them.

Were you aware of the double prescription?

- Yeah.

- And, did you ever lie in your bed and think,

"Hey, you know what, my friend is doing something

"that could be dangerous to his health.

"Maybe I should tell somebody."

Did you ever think that?

- Honestly, no.

I knew he was doing things that were illegal

and I knew some of them were dangerous,

but I wasn't going to start ratting out.

- No matter how dangerous.

- I mean, if it was something really dangerous

I'm sure I would say something, but.

- So, if you were to find out that he was acquiring

automatic weapons what would you do?

- You know I didn't do anything.

- So, Len broke in and got Carla's records.

I read in your last interview that you

thought that was wrong.

Did you mean that?

- Yes, I did think that was wrong.

- [Victoria] What did you think of Carla?

- I liked her.

- Did you ever hit on her?

- Not like her like that, I mean I liked her as a friend.

- Look, both of you are young,

you're male she's female.

She's good looking. She's willing to hang out with you.

And, you're telling me you never thought you might

like to make out with her?

- I thought about it.

- Did you ever kiss her?

- Once. - Once?

- She was really down after the whole thing

happened with Len putting her information

out there in school.

And, I kissed her,

but I didn't push it

or anything like that.

- Did you feel her up?

- No, I didn't feel her up.

- Len's enemies list was never found.

Do you have an enemies list?

- No, I don't.

- You're just all sweetness and light, aren't you Cameron?

- Is this what you're going to do, you're going to

mess up everything I'm saying?

That's not what I was saying.

- No, what I'm trying to find out is who led who.

Did Len drag you to the shooting range

or did you use him so you could get to shoot?

Was he leading you or were you behind him

pushing him forward?

What do you think?

- I don't. We were friends.

I wasn't following him.

I don't think I was just following him

and I know I didn't push him to do anything

he didn't want to do, not really.

- Not really? Len didn't really hate anybody.

He just got very mad at people and claimed to hate them.

So, how do you explain his not really threatening

to shoot his teacher?

- He said he would, he said that a lot he said--

- Were you aware that there were a number

of other threats against people?

- But, there were a number of threats against us.

There were a ton of threats against Len

and he actually did.

He got beat up, smacked around all types of stuff,

and everybody knew it.

- And, you were pushed around, too.

How did you feel being pushed around, did you get mad?

- I wasn't mad, I was more disappointed

that I didn't do anything about it.

- And, when it came time to do something about

these incidents, Cameron?

- We talked about it.

We talked about doing something, but I mean

we went to the principal's office once.

- You're hesitating with your answers.

When I ask you a question I want an answer,

I don't want long pauses.

You've had enough time to consider these things.

- So what, I can't think about what I'm gonna say?

- You've been through this so many times

you already know the answers.

You gave interviews.

No, you didn't give interviews to the papers.

But, you did the interview with Doctor Ewings

and you had intense questioning by the police

right after the murder.

So, I believe that you've had sufficient time

to think these things through.

What happened when you spoke to the principal?

- He more or less said it was a part of

the growing up process that you gotta learn

how to deal with teenagers.

- Do you get an allowance Cameron?

- Yeah, I get $50 a week.

I get it from the ATM.

My parents have an account at First Savings for me.

- And, what do you have to do for this $50.

- Nothing much.

- [Victoria] Well, that will toughen you up, won't it?

- Yeah, whatever.

- Can you tell me how much is in the account altogether?

I don't need an exact figure, just an estimate.

- Why? - You don't ask me why.

You're not my equal, we already established that.

So, how much is in the account?

- $2,000 maybe 1,500 I don't know.

- Was there more or less before the incident?

- Maybe less.

- I read in an interview with Doctor Ewings

that your mom was gonna build a pool in the house.

Do you know how much that costs?

- [Cameron] No, I don't know how much that costs.

- I don't believe you, Cameron.

Your parents are money conscious people

and money conscious people talk prices.

- My parents work very hard for their money.

Okay, they weren't given anything, they didn't take

anything from the government.

And, they make more than most people.

They make more than you do.

Does that bother you?

- No, it doesn't.

I'm white, you're black does that bother you?

- Nah, that doesn't bother me at all.

- How much did the pool cost?

- I don't know.

I don't like hearing about that stuff so I really,

I don't know.

- Why didn't you like hearing about that stuff?

Okay, here we go again,

the long pauses.

When I ask you a question I want an answer.

You owe the community answers to these questions

and the best answers you can come up with.

So, tell me why didn't you like hearing about

what things cost?

- I guess I wanted to hear about something else.

That's all they ever talked about so I didn't

care much to hear about it.

- So you didn't like it.

- [Cameron] No, I didn't like it.

- Len bought two rifles, how much did they cost?

- I don't know, I wasn't with him. He didn't tell me.

- Uh-uh, you were with him when he bought one rifle,

the Israeli rifle, the Galil along with ammunition.

How much did you pay for it?

- More than $500.

- You got a good deal, who negotiated?

- Len did.

- And, what were you doing, washing teacups

in the kitchen?

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It means that you paint a very precious

picture of yourself, very precious and very careful.

Whose idea was it to get Carla to go to the gun range?

It's not usually a girl's activity unless

some guy's pushing her into it.

- I don't really remember, but probably Len.

It was his father's club.

- So, we have this little group of three people

you, Len, and Carla.

You hang out together, you shoot together,

you forgive one another's little transgressions.

But, according to you Len was the head of this group

even though you were stronger, by all accounts

had the most money, the best athlete.

How did Len come to be the leader?

- I didn't see him so much as a leader,

I just was comfortable with him.

I didn't have a lot of friends so

when I started hanging out with him it was easy

to keep doing that.

- You were involved in a church vandalizing incident.

Tell me about it.

- It wasn't against the church, or God,

or anything like that.

It was stupid. - And indecent.

- Yeah, but it wasn't sacrilegious.

We just put paint on the walls.

- So, besides painting the message "God doesn't

"live here anymore," and the sign you wrote about Jesus

you also painted the number 88 on the walls.

What does that mean?

- I don't know, I think Len just made up the number

to see what people thought about it.

- Except, you and I know that the number 88

stands for Heil Hitler, don't we,

don't we know that, Cameron?

- I know that now, I didn't know that then.

There's a lot of things that I know now

that I didn't know before.

- How much of this did you see coming?

- I really didn't think this would happen

I honestly didn't.

- I'm gonna be concentrating on the shootings

so why don't you just give me everything you can

leading up to it?

- [Cameron] Like a week before it happened?

- If you think that works.

- Well, me and Len were apart for a few days

because of Carla.

He had found information on her being molested

by her father.

Her parents were split up at the time

and her ma was working as a waitress

and she was living with.

Her father was an alcoholic in the trailer park

and I guess molested her.

Len found that information and scanned it

and put on the Circuit, which was like a

online magazine for our school.

And, I told him I thought that was really messed up

and so that's why we weren't talking,

that's why we stopped talking for a little bit.

He called me and said that he knew I was right and that he was sorry.

He was just really depressed.

He was down about everything.

He was, I mean, really down.

And, I felt bad because I got on him so much

about him getting on Carla and I thought maybe

I just made it too big of a deal, like blowing it

out of proportion.

And that maybe I should have just let it slide by.

I mean, that's what I was thinking about then

like I should have just let it be cool.

Friday, he called me again and he was back up, he was happy.

He said him and Carla were back together and that

they were gonna do this big thing and he wanted me

to be involved with it.

And, he said they were gonna write, "Stop the violence,"

in his blood.

- So you said no?

- Yeah, I said no but I don't know he blew up on me

and he was yelling about me being a Judas

and ranting on about stuff.

I didn't really even, I mean,

understand and I was just screwed up about

the whole thing because I had had Carla's back

this whole time and then

now they're back friends and now I'm the one

out of the group.

So, Saturday I just decided to kind of keep

my distance from Len as much as possible.

I wanted to kind of slide by, slide by until

I graduated, you know what I mean,

because I really wanted to graduate.

- [Victoria] You were a senior, had you been accepted

to any colleges.

- Yeah, I was accepted into the University

of Chicago and Indiana.

- So, you were just gonna lay low until graduation time?

- Something like that.

Then, I went home and Carla had left me a message

on my phone.

- Your phone? - Yeah, my phone.

- You have a separate phone from your family?

- Mm-hmm, so I called her back.

We just talked about things.

I brought up the fact that I didn't understand

why her and Len got back together.

And, she said that there was just too much

violence in the world and her being mad at him

was just a kind of mental violence.

I said, it makes sense for her to be mad at him.

She said, "No," she's like, "If you keep it inside

"that it always could come out at some point.

"It becomes a part of you."

I mean, she even brought up

that she said maybe we should make love

because there would be no violence if we made love.

- Oh. - After I spoke

to Carla I called Len and I told him I was in.

He told me to meet him at the school library

and to bring red paint.

I told him I didn't have any red paint.

He said black would do.

So, that's all I was really supposed to do.

I figured because he was talking about using red paint

that he kind of backed off the whole idea

of using his own blood, which I felt like

it couldn't be that serious.

So then, Monday came around and I got to school

around 20 minutes before eight.

- How did you get in?

Wasn't the school locked at that time

except for the teacher's entrance?

- No, you can always go through the basement.

It's always unlocked.

I mean, if no one's there you can go through

the storm doors right by the generator

then you can go up the stairwell.

So, that's what I did.

I went through that way and I went up the stairwell.

I mean, I was so nervous that I even came up

with an excuse that I was just there painting something.

I had gotten dark blue paint and a paint brush

from the garage.

- From your family's garage?

- Yeah, when I got to the library Len was

looking out the window and he had a duffle bag on the floor.

I walked up I said, "hey."

He told me that he was gonna start painting

all the walls

and that he wanted to know if I wanted

to cut him to start the bleeding.

I mean, I said no, you know.

He reached in the duffle bag and pulled out a Kalashnikov.

And, I asked him what it was for.

He said it was to hold off people while he painted the wall.

He pointed it at me a cocked it.

I was so scared that I couldn't move.

I wanted to run, but I thought he was actually

going to shoot me.

Then, all of a sudden he just started laughing

out of the side of his mouth like he does sometimes.

And he points the gun down and he said Carla

should be here soon, that I should get started

on the painting in the hallway.

He told me get one of the guns and go start painting.

- How many guns were in the duffle bag?

- There was only one gun that I saw.

It was an AR-18.

There was clothes in the bags and a lot of ammunition

and that was it.

- And, what did you do when he told you to take the gun?

- I mean, I said okay.

I just wanted to get out of there because

I needed to think.

I didn't know what was going on.

So, I took the gun and I took the paint

and I took the paintbrush and I went outside

and I started painting on the opposite wall

of the library.

I painted, "Stop the Violence."

I mean, I was so scared my hand was shaking

the whole time.

I turned around and I saw Leonard cut his wrist

and he was over at the media board writing,

"Stop the Violence."

And, "Amos 8:3."

- [Victoria] Did you know what that meant at the time?

- I had no idea what it meant.

I even tried to read it backwards and I didn't know

it was something that was in the Bible at the time.

- [Victoria] Okay, and then what happened?

- I decided I need to get out of there.

I was freaking out.

So, I started heading toward the Physics lab

because there's an exit over there.

As I was getting over there Carla was just getting there.

So, I tried to grab her and tell her we had

to get out of there.

By that time she wondered why I had a gun in my hand.

And, by that time Len was already yelling.

And so, I tried to pull her and she pulled away

because she didn't know what was going on.

And then, he shot and he blasted this whole glass

all over the floor and she started yelling.

And so, we both started running the stairwell.

He's shooting and I'm trying to yell and tell her

that he's got a gun and he's cut himself.

But, I couldn't really get anything.

I don't know if I was making any sense or what.

I got down there and I saw a fire alarm.

So, I broke the fire alarm and then all of a sudden

it was just all noise.

The whole world was just loud noise.

And, I found this broom closet and I threw her in there.

I just told her to stay there, don't move,

just stay there and wait, just stay there and wait,

don't say anything.

By that time Len had gotten to the second floor,

come down the stairwell.

I shot at the wall beside him and he ducked

back into the stairwell.

- [Victoria] How far away was he from you at that time?

- It's a long hallway. I don't know, it was a long hallway.

He was over there blood on his shirt,

blood on his arm just yelling.

I didn't want to get closer because I didn't know

if I had to, I didn't know if I had to

if I could actually shoot him, you know?

So, I ran and I hid in the classroom.

When I got in there I realized it was a bad idea

because he could just walk in at anytime.

I mean, I was hiding behind a desk, but it was

it wasn't a solid desk or anything like that.

He could see me if he came in.

So, I just sat behind and I pointed the gun

at the door.

I started hearing shouting and yelling.

And, I looked out the window and kids were running

and hiding behind buses.

I saw two kids on the floor one was moving

and one wasn't.

I mean, I didn't know what to do.

I heard gun shots.

I knew it was Len, but I didn't know

where it was coming from.

I mean, I didn't know anything.

I didn't know if Carla was okay.

I was too scared to move so I just kind of

stayed there and waited.

Then, I heard sirens.

It was a SWAT team.

They were coming in and at the point

I decided to put the gun down 'cause I didn't

want the gun to be in my hands anymore.

When they got into the school I started yelling for them.

When they got to the classroom they told me to

stand up and put my hands up.

They pointed the rifle at me and told me to stand up

and I put my hands up and that was the end of it.

- Except that it wasn't over.

One student had been killed on the spot.

A number of students had been wounded.

And, a lot of kids who are gonna have this

buried deep in their minds for a long,

long time. - I know.

- Leonard's body was found under one of

the "Stop the Violence" signs.

You know that, don't you?

- [Cameron] Yeah, I know that.

- But Carla didn't see him bring the rifle into

the school, did she?

And, she didn't see who was shooting from the window.

So, that's just up to you to report, right?

- It's the truth.

- Well, I believe that

it is the truth, Cameron.

But, it's a hard truth.

It's a tragic truth.

And, it's one we're all going to have to live with

for a long, long time.

- I know.

- [Victoria] One last thing, after that morning did you

ever try to contact the parents of the boy who was killed?

- I couldn't face them.

- I can understand that.

Do you consider yourself a threat to society?

- No, I don't.

- Did you consider yourself a threat to society

when you woke up that morning of April 22nd?

- No, I didn't.

- And, what have you been doing since then?

- Going to school, working at the mall.

I plan on going away to school in the Fall.

- That's in a good life.

- I don't see it that way.

- The reason for these interviews is to try to find ways

of avoidiing future occurrences of this type.

We don't wanna find any more young people lying dead

between school buses.

How would you go about preventing it from happening?

- I don't even know how it happened.

So, I don't know how to prevent it.

What I do know is I do wish I could take it back.

That's the truth, whether you believe it or not.

- What I believe is that you do wish you could

take back the events that happened on that April morning.

But, I'm not sure that you want to take back

the events that led up to that morning.

And, I'm not even sure you would recognize them

if they came up again.

Thank you for your time.

[anticipatory music]

[knocks on glass]

[sentimental music]

- Hi Cameron.

[sentimental music]

- Wow, how you doing?

- I'm well. You look pretty good.

- How'd you find me?

- You know, classmates.com.

[laughs]

- I'm sorry, come in.

[sentimental music]

Actually, the truth is I work for LA Times magazine now.

So, I can find whoever I want.

- Do you want some water?

- That'd be great, thanks.

- You don't mind tap, right?

[sentimental music]

Here, sit down.

So, you're a writer, so that's why you're here.

- No, that's not why I'm here.

I just wanted to thank you.

- For what?

- You saved my life.

- Well, you're welcome.

So, what happened, where'd you go?

- Well, my parents

they moved us out of town basically the minute

that I was released by the police.

I was so pissed off.

Trust me, I really wanted to see you.

I just, felt so guilty.

- I think everybody was pissed off.

So what, you came back for the 10th anniversary?

Where are the killers now article, is that the angle?

- Yeah, pretty much, you nailed it.

- You want to interview me?

- I just wanna see how you're doing.

- I work at the Indian casino. I'm the IT guy.

It's not anything great, but it's okay.

- Married? [scoffs]

- No, never. You?

- Let's not go there.

My love life has been as series of disasters.

- Divorced? Are you divorced?

- Yeah.

Anyway, I was given access to all the tapes

of the interviews that we did.

And, I watch all of them.

But, there's one video that I haven't seen yet.

I was wondering if you would watch it with me.

[anticipatory music]

- What is it?

- It's Len's home videos.

[anticipatory music]

- And, you saw all the videos, you saw everything?

[anticipatory music]

- Yeah, all of 'em. Yours and mine.

It really took me back to that time.

[anticipatory music]

This has really been haunting me.

Does it haunt you like it haunts me?

[anticipatory music]

- I think about it day to day.

Sure I got my job, I got my place, I got my friends.

I'm okay. - Right.

Do you see your parents?

- Not at all, you know that.

You know me and my parents.

- So, will you watch this video with me?

[anticipatory music]

- Yeah, I'll watch it with you.

- [Boy] What's that a camera, a camcorder?

- Yeah. - Why'd you bring it?

- [Boy] I don't know, I just wanted to.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Win if you wanna

♪ And when that marijuana ganja got me ♪

♪ You a goner

♪ I'm a product of my environment ♪

♪ Part of that Primadonna

♪ With a pocket full of nada

♪ So, I'm hot to my chop

♪ Till I'm dropping

♪ With these dudes that I run with ♪

♪ That'd do the same if I asked them ♪

♪ Run up on the dude

♪ For his loose change and blast 'em ♪

♪ Ask me if I give a fuck

♪ I think of while I'm living

♪ I might as well live it up

♪ Funny thing about it is

♪ That I ain't never written raps ♪

♪ I read 'em off a screen

♪ In my frontal lobe

♪ Number below the draw

♪ And a bowl or a blunt to roll ♪

♪ Let the pool of collective thought ♪

♪ Develop--

[teapot whistles]

♪ Down in the cold, dirty planter ♪

♪ Can I climb down

- [Man] No problem.

- [Man] What's up man?

- So dude, nothing just-- - Recording.

- [Man] Yeah, just messing around.

[mumbles]

[rock music] [gun shots]

♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪

♪ I'm standing on the wall

♪ Look at me, look at me, look at me ♪

♪ I pass before your eyes

♪ I'm feeling I can do it all

♪ Rise up and stand before the fall ♪

♪ One heart to pump it

♪ Through your veins

♪ One mind to guide it

♪ Through the range

♪ Range ♪ I'm changing

♪ Right before your eyes

♪ I put it up

♪ Towards the sky

♪ Before your eyes

♪ Let me in, let me in, let me in ♪

♪ To seep into your skin

♪ Let me in, let me in

♪ To seep into your skin

♪ Let me in, let me in, let me in ♪

♪ And start it to again

♪ So you were sleeping in the breeze ♪

♪ We've got the universe again

♪ One voice to

- [Man] All he could say was I should fit in here

and make an effort and be with the masses.

- [Cameron] Tell me why you wanna stay here

just so you can get that [mumbles] again.

- [Man] He asked me if I dreamt about sex again.

He was so fucking casual about it, too.

You should have heard this guy.

- [Cameron] What'd you say?

- [Man] I told him that I wanted to fuck Carla.

- [Cameron] You didn't say you wanted to do that.

- [Man] No, you're right, I didn't.

I told him that I wanted to make it with penguins.

- [Cameron] You make it with penguins.

- [Man] I was like, yeah, I'll fuck 'em, whatever.

Fuck 'em in their black and white bodies.

- [Man] Carla, just dance a little bit.

Hey, you're on camera.

[laughs]

[Latino music]

That's it? - Yep, you bet.

- [Man] School of fish.

Hi fish, swimming around, swimming around.

Little gold ones, 1.59,

Swimming around, 8.99. Woo, too much.

Rats, white ones,

brown ones, white ones.

Too fast.

[clatters]

[water splashes]

[coughs]

[water splashes]

[heavy breathing]

- Carla?

The rats titter and squeak.

[tense music]

- He was the only friend I had.

You were a friend of mine too, but

it was different.

I want you to know that it was different.

[sentimental music]

I wish

[sentimental music]

I wish I could say that I didn't see it coming.

[sentimental music]

- Can I ask you a couple questions?

[sentimental music]

Can you tell me your name and your involvement

in the Madison High School Shooting of 1999?

[sentimental music]

- My name is Cameron Porter.

[sentimental music]

I was best friends with the shooter.

[mellow rock music]

♪ Sun's been beating at my back so long ♪

♪ And I don't know know that I can take it anymore ♪

♪ Wind is in my face and makes me blind ♪

♪ God is knocking at my door

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

[mellow rock music]

♪ Time is ticking but that mean much ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't move much anymore ♪

♪ The clock is melting as the days go by ♪

♪ Maybe hope's the only cure

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ There's no time for blinking

♪ There's far too much to see

♪ I can't control my thinking

♪ And I don't know who to be

♪ I feel as if my footsteps

♪ Are following the beat

♪ And horse and truth is the illusive ♪

♪ Carriage eating just before us ♪

♪ Compelled some how to chase it down rabbit ♪

♪ Hold it, have it, own it

♪ I buy into my methods and see ♪

♪ If I can mold it

♪ Into something I could ball up ♪

♪ And keep safe

♪ See if I was ever strong enough ♪

♪ To keep faith

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how ♪

♪ See me now

♪ All I need is someone to show me how♪