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1
00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,510
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
2
00:00:03,511 --> 00:00:05,639
Chappelle's Show.
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,374
Oww.
4
00:00:07,415 --> 00:00:09,977
Woo-hoo-hoo.
5
00:00:10,018 --> 00:00:11,712
Woo-hoo.
6
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,314
Yeah, yeah.
7
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,652
Let's start
the show.
8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,030
(announcer) Ladies and
gentlemen, put your hands together
9
00:00:23,031 --> 00:00:26,026
for Dave Chappelle!
10
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,797
Oh... whoa.
11
00:00:30,838 --> 00:00:32,966
Man.
12
00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:36,870
Hey, everybody,
what's happenin'?
13
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:41,208
What is happenin'?
14
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:44,244
What's happenin',
everybody?
15
00:00:44,285 --> 00:00:47,714
Thank you, thank you, oh.
16
00:00:47,755 --> 00:00:50,317
Thank you, oh.
17
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,486
Thank you, bitches.
18
00:00:52,527 --> 00:00:54,221
(laughing)
19
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:55,956
Just kidding.
20
00:00:55,997 --> 00:00:57,731
Last week I went to
the club, man.
21
00:00:57,732 --> 00:00:59,860
I never
go to clubs.
22
00:00:59,901 --> 00:01:01,161
I had a ball.
23
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:04,196
Y'know that song...
y'know that dude, Lil' Jon?
24
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,668
His music gets
me so amped!
25
00:01:07,709 --> 00:01:09,403
Ahh!
26
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,479
He just... something about
his energy it's just wild.
27
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,042
Show his video.
28
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:16,343
Okay,
29
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,379
okay,
30
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,889
that's all he's says
in the whole song, nigga.
31
00:01:22,890 --> 00:01:25,018
Okay!
32
00:01:25,059 --> 00:01:26,753
What!
33
00:01:26,794 --> 00:01:29,356
Yeah!
34
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:33,694
That's all he
ever says in any song.
35
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:34,994
I always think
he's gonna rhyme,
36
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,770
but he, he act like
somebody's about to rhyme
37
00:01:36,771 --> 00:01:38,939
but just never get
around to it.
38
00:01:38,940 --> 00:01:40,634
Okay!
39
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:46,747
I wanna meet
that dude.
40
00:01:46,748 --> 00:01:47,614
I just want to
see what it's like
41
00:01:47,615 --> 00:01:49,783
to have a conversation
with him.
42
00:01:49,784 --> 00:01:52,819
I mean, what is he
like in his personal life?
43
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:55,382
I wonder.
44
00:01:55,423 --> 00:01:59,286
(woman) And now, a moment
in the life of Lil' Jon.
45
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,097
Are you checking any
luggage today, sir?
46
00:02:04,098 --> 00:02:06,660
Ye-yeah!
47
00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:08,394
Did you pack
your bags yourself?
48
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,696
Yeah!
49
00:02:09,737 --> 00:02:11,471
And the bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
50
00:02:11,472 --> 00:02:12,733
What?!
51
00:02:12,774 --> 00:02:14,508
Have these bags been in your
possession the whole time?
52
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,769
What?!
53
00:02:15,810 --> 00:02:17,544
These bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
54
00:02:17,545 --> 00:02:18,372
What?!
55
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,147
Ah, these bags,
were they in your
56
00:02:20,148 --> 00:02:21,014
possession the whole time?
57
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:21,842
What?!
58
00:02:21,883 --> 00:02:23,142
And these bags have been
59
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,051
in your possession
the whole time?
60
00:02:24,052 --> 00:02:25,746
Ye-yeah!
61
00:02:25,787 --> 00:02:27,047
All right.
62
00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:28,781
Well, Mr. Jon,
you're all set.
63
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,517
Okay!
64
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,461
Uh, pardon me, madame,
will this be reflected upon
65
00:02:34,462 --> 00:02:35,762
my frequent flyer miles?
66
00:02:35,763 --> 00:02:37,456
Did you book
your flight on-line?
67
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,060
Yeah!
68
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,794
Then they will be.
69
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,096
Okay!
70
00:02:43,137 --> 00:02:45,699
Have a nice flight.
What?!
71
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,867
Have a nice flight.
What?!
72
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,470
Have a nice flight.
What?!
73
00:02:50,511 --> 00:02:52,205
Have a nice flight.
74
00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:54,808
Okay!
75
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,017
You've just watched
76
00:02:57,018 --> 00:03:00,013
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
77
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:06,086
They calling me.
78
00:03:06,127 --> 00:03:08,255
(Lil' Jon)
Yeah!
79
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,354
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
80
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:15,235
Makes love to his wife
and gets up...
81
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,798
skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
82
00:03:17,839 --> 00:03:20,834
Sorry about that.
83
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,212
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
84
00:03:25,213 --> 00:03:26,907
What?
85
00:03:26,948 --> 00:03:28,248
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
86
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:29,508
You can't say that?
87
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:30,417
They say that
on the radio.
88
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,979
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet, skeet.
89
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:36,883
Nah, can't say "skeet"
on the radio.
90
00:03:36,924 --> 00:03:38,225
I'm just going to start
saying that on the show.
91
00:03:38,226 --> 00:03:39,919
"Come on, let's tape, man...
let's fuck it...
92
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,261
"if you can say
skeet on the radio...
93
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,129
I can't... "
94
00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:44,297
you know what's so dope
about skeet?
95
00:03:44,298 --> 00:03:47,293
White people don't
know what it means yet.
96
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,635
When they figure it out,
they're gonna be like,
97
00:03:48,636 --> 00:03:51,631
"my God,
what have we done!"
98
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,708
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break,
99
00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:56,329
but don't go anywhere.
100
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,572
We'll be
right back.
101
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,476
Didn't want to die young
102
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:05,512
steady hustlin'
trying to feed my family
103
00:04:05,553 --> 00:04:07,681
too scared to have kids
104
00:04:07,722 --> 00:04:09,456
and do like
my daddy did
105
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,424
'cause I'm so scared
of failing.
106
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,787
Chappelle's Show.
107
00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:18,558
Better not bring
your kids!
108
00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:22,462
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
109
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,704
Yesterday, I was doing...
110
00:04:30,745 --> 00:04:32,913
I was trying to find the score
of the knicks' game
111
00:04:32,914 --> 00:04:35,041
on the Internet.
112
00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:36,776
Y'know, you go
on the Internet
113
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,419
and you realize it's kinda,
like, just so nasty.
114
00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:42,022
It's the nastiest stuff
that you accept on the Internet.
115
00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:44,191
Like, if the Internet
was a real place,
116
00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:48,054
it would be
disgusting and intolerable.
117
00:04:48,095 --> 00:04:48,962
I'm serious.
118
00:04:48,963 --> 00:04:50,657
Imagine it...
119
00:04:50,698 --> 00:04:54,601
what if the Internet were
a place that you could go to?
120
00:04:54,602 --> 00:04:56,730
(laughing)
121
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,706
Excuse me, miss,
um, where am I?
122
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,875
Oh, the Internet.
123
00:05:08,916 --> 00:05:10,609
Do you know where
I can find a news site?
124
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,952
Oh, it's down there.
125
00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:14,923
Thank you very much,
thank you very much.
126
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,683
Do-do.
127
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,418
Hey, buddy.
128
00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:20,193
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy, buddy...
129
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:23,623
Hey, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy.
130
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,398
Hey, man,
do I know you?
131
00:05:25,399 --> 00:05:27,093
It's me, buddy.
132
00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:30,130
I have something
really important
133
00:05:30,171 --> 00:05:32,311
I need to
talk to you about.
134
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:34,467
What's goin' on?
135
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,544
Wanna increase
the size of your penis?
136
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,279
Up to four inches
in a month, bro!
137
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,540
And fat too!
138
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,143
No, man, I'm cool.
139
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,219
Its all natural dude,
my friend's a doctor.
140
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,954
Hey, brother,
I'm a doctor.
141
00:05:47,955 --> 00:05:49,216
You're a doctor?
142
00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:50,991
Fuckin' right,
I'm a doctor.
143
00:05:50,992 --> 00:05:52,252
I use it myself.
144
00:05:52,293 --> 00:05:54,855
Look, man, I'm cool,
all right.
145
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,630
I don't need
no penis pills.
146
00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:58,365
Hey, these are not pills.
147
00:05:58,366 --> 00:05:59,666
This is a salve,
a cream,
148
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:01,401
you massage it
into the skin...
149
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,530
no, come on, son.
150
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,908
Woah, I'm sorry
for bothering you,
151
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,036
but I like that song.
152
00:06:10,077 --> 00:06:11,811
Do you know where I can get
some music around here or...?
153
00:06:11,812 --> 00:06:14,414
Oh yeah, you can
get it right here.
154
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,675
Oh.
155
00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:19,145
Or you can
get it right there.
156
00:06:19,186 --> 00:06:21,748
(chaotic beeping)
157
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
158
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,761
Hey, Ron.
159
00:06:34,802 --> 00:06:36,929
So, you wanna
see me have sex?
160
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,231
No, I'm cool.
161
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,572
You wanna see Paris Hilton
have sex with her boyfriend?
162
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:40,834
Yes, I would.
163
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:43,003
Come on.
All right.
164
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,473
(snickering)
165
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,718
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
166
00:06:51,719 --> 00:06:53,453
so we can see how
pretty you are.
167
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,714
(laughs)
168
00:06:54,755 --> 00:06:56,923
I don't know
if that was her, man.
169
00:06:56,924 --> 00:06:57,791
It was a little grainy...
170
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,352
that night vision
you can't really tell.
171
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,128
I got to see that
one more time, man.
172
00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:03,430
Let me see one more time.
173
00:07:03,431 --> 00:07:04,257
Let's go.
174
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:06,032
You know what, buddy,
why don't you hold this,
175
00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:07,293
I'll go in there
and check it out
176
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,895
and then I'll be
right back out, all right?
177
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,631
Thanks, dude.
178
00:07:11,672 --> 00:07:14,708
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
179
00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:16,443
so we can see how
pretty you are.
180
00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:18,571
That was
her all right.
181
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,345
She played herself.
182
00:07:20,348 --> 00:07:21,648
You sure you don't
wanna see me have sex?
183
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,383
Yeah, I'm
absolutely sure, man.
184
00:07:23,384 --> 00:07:24,684
I just wanna get the score
to the Knicks' game.
185
00:07:24,685 --> 00:07:25,965
Thanks, all right.
186
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,287
I do a great doggie-style.
187
00:07:27,288 --> 00:07:28,548
I know, Ron!
188
00:07:28,589 --> 00:07:30,323
Okay, I got my
stroke from you.
189
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,926
Thank you, Obi-Wan,
I'm done with the porn.
190
00:07:32,927 --> 00:07:34,621
What?!
191
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,396
You wanna see
naked pictures?
192
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,525
Halle Berry from
Swordfish?
193
00:07:38,566 --> 00:07:39,826
Of course I do.
194
00:07:39,867 --> 00:07:41,561
Come on.
195
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,597
(laughing)
196
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,373
Damn, dude, you ain't
tell me they had the girl
197
00:07:46,374 --> 00:07:48,068
from Price Is Right.
198
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:49,803
She got
naked pictures.
199
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:50,670
Damn!
200
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:51,972
Thanks, man.
201
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,313
Davey...
yes, sir.
202
00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:55,442
Um, you into goat play?
203
00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:57,177
What is goat play?
204
00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:00,647
Lizzy.
205
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,816
(goats bleating)
206
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,985
Oh, oh, man, this...
207
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,455
all right, come on,
let's just hurry up.
208
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:20,600
(bleating resumes)
209
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,408
Debt consolidation!
210
00:08:28,449 --> 00:08:29,275
No.
211
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,444
Gambling!
No, please.
212
00:08:31,485 --> 00:08:32,352
Debt consolidation!
213
00:08:32,353 --> 00:08:33,179
Ahh.
214
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,047
Gambling!
215
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:34,914
Ahh.
216
00:08:34,955 --> 00:08:37,082
Debt consolidation!
Consolidation.
217
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:37,991
Gambling!
Gambling!
218
00:08:37,992 --> 00:08:39,252
Enough!
219
00:08:39,293 --> 00:08:40,593
Enough with
the pop-ups!
220
00:08:40,594 --> 00:08:43,590
Dicks!
221
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,808
This is wild!
222
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,520
Oh sh...!
223
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,496
How you doing?
224
00:09:23,537 --> 00:09:25,665
Hello, my name is Debra.
225
00:09:25,706 --> 00:09:27,400
Hey, Debra, I'm Dave.
226
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,135
Nice to meet you.
227
00:09:29,176 --> 00:09:30,477
Nice to meet y'all.
228
00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,171
You're kind of
cute, Dave.
229
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,079
Thanks, Debra.
230
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,990
Come here, I want to
tell you something.
231
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,019
Seriously, bro,
I can make your penis
232
00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:42,582
fat and harder for longer.
233
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:43,883
What the fuck!
234
00:09:43,924 --> 00:09:45,185
You tricked me!
235
00:09:45,226 --> 00:09:46,919
Ahh, this place is sick.
236
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,996
You should all be ashamed of
yourselves, you heathens!
237
00:09:49,997 --> 00:09:53,426
And no side effects,
it's all natural.
238
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,595
Debt consolidation!
239
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,764
Ugh, how's that?
240
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:00,366
Gambling!
Ahhh.
241
00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:03,837
Spam busters, bitch!
242
00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:05,572
(laughing)
243
00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:08,214
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break.
244
00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:09,949
Y'all, don't go anywhere,
be comfortable.
245
00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:12,552
We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
246
00:10:12,553 --> 00:10:15,115
(cheering)
247
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,433
Man, I'm bored.
248
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,025
I gotta go to
the Chappelle show.
249
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,494
Ha, ha,
go ahead!
250
00:10:27,535 --> 00:10:29,661
(woman)
The Theresa Roddy interview.
251
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,265
Here she is, Theresa Roddy.
252
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,908
Now, Lil' Jon, I heard
that you once worked
253
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:37,036
in a fast food restaurant.
254
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,205
Yeah!
255
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,848
And you almost made it
to night manager,
256
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:42,715
is that also correct?
257
00:10:42,716 --> 00:10:44,844
Yeah, yeah!
258
00:10:44,885 --> 00:10:48,748
Now I'm going to, ah,
change the subject a little,
259
00:10:48,789 --> 00:10:50,089
if that's all right
with you?
260
00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:51,351
What?!
261
00:10:51,392 --> 00:10:52,692
I would like to
change the subject.
262
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,520
What?!
263
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:54,861
Change the subject.
264
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,122
What?!
265
00:10:56,163 --> 00:10:58,531
I'm gonna change the subject,
if that's all right with you.
266
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,026
Okay!
267
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:02,194
And if this is
a little sensitive...
268
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:05,231
please, feel free
to stop me.
269
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,966
Okay!
270
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,609
In my research,
I found out that you had been
271
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:13,473
beaten brutally by two white
police officers,
272
00:11:13,514 --> 00:11:16,943
ah, under
mistaken identity.
273
00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,244
Is that correct?
274
00:11:18,285 --> 00:11:22,148
Yes, that is true.
275
00:11:22,189 --> 00:11:25,225
That was the first time
in my life that I,
276
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:31,257
that I ever experienced any
type of racial discrimination.
277
00:11:31,298 --> 00:11:32,599
And I made up my mind
then and there
278
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,069
that I would try transcend
these social constraints.
279
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:39,499
You see, madam,
so often black youth
280
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:41,340
are cast aside by society
281
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:45,137
that is too afraid of them
to recognize their humanity.
282
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,307
My mother knew this,
283
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:51,644
and she did her damndest to
make sure that I knew it.
284
00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:54,247
And I, madame,
through my music,
285
00:11:54,288 --> 00:11:56,456
we'll make sure that all
black youth
286
00:11:56,457 --> 00:11:59,452
realize the truth,
287
00:11:59,493 --> 00:12:08,127
because, to me,
that is an act... of love.
288
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,332
That must've been
very painful for you.
289
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,501
Yeah, yeah!
290
00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:16,843
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
291
00:12:16,844 --> 00:12:18,104
What?!
292
00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:19,445
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
293
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:20,707
What?!
294
00:12:20,748 --> 00:12:22,482
Thank-thank...
thank you, Lil' Jon.
295
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:23,743
What?!
296
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:24,611
Thank you.
297
00:12:24,652 --> 00:12:25,912
Huh?!
298
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,687
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
299
00:12:27,688 --> 00:12:30,250
No problem, madame.
300
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,025
Thank you
for coming to my home.
301
00:12:32,026 --> 00:12:33,326
Do you smoke reefer?
302
00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:35,454
Yes, do you
have a little time.
303
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,624
Yeah, yeah!
304
00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:40,226
Can we?
305
00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:41,961
Just for
the cameras.
306
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:44,130
Oh.
307
00:12:44,171 --> 00:12:47,166
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lil' Jon.
308
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,371
(woman)
You've just watched
309
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,974
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
310
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,444
Welcome back, guys.
311
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:02,348
Now, I'm looking around
the room
312
00:13:02,389 --> 00:13:05,425
and everybody in the room
is pretty much in my age range,
313
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:06,756
for the most part.
314
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,630
And you know, our generation
has a phrase we like to say,
315
00:13:10,631 --> 00:13:12,365
that phrase is
"keep it real."
316
00:13:12,366 --> 00:13:13,666
People say it to me
all the time.
317
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,401
They say,
"Dave, you got that show,
318
00:13:15,402 --> 00:13:18,004
but remember, brother,
keep it real."
319
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,133
Very good advice.
320
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:23,169
Not always as easy
as it seems.
321
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,378
Sometimes, folks,
"keeping it real"
322
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,507
works against ya.
323
00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:31,017
So now, ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to show you
324
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,186
one of those times
in a new segment:
325
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:37,050
"When 'Keeping It Teal'
Goes Wrong."
326
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:42,255
(man) Your watching "When
'Keeping It Real' Goes Wrong."
327
00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:44,897
Darius James was out
on a date with his girlfriend,
328
00:13:44,898 --> 00:13:46,159
Tenecia Bradley;
329
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,669
Darius was almost certain
the night would end with sex.
330
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:51,404
But as they were leaving,
331
00:13:51,405 --> 00:13:54,400
confrontation reared
it's ugly head.
332
00:13:54,441 --> 00:13:56,568
Yo, Tenecia,
it was good seeing ya.
333
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,304
Darius heard the comment
334
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,947
and had a simple
choice to make:
335
00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:03,549
Ignore what the man had said
and take Tenecia home,
336
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:08,281
or stay at
the party and "keep it real."
337
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,486
What did you say, man?
338
00:14:13,527 --> 00:14:14,627
Good seeing ya.
339
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,089
"Good seeing ya."
340
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,430
I don't
play that shit.
341
00:14:17,431 --> 00:14:18,690
That's my girl,
nigga!
342
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,992
I keep it real!
343
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,334
What Darius didn't know
is that Chris
344
00:14:21,335 --> 00:14:23,463
was a tenth degree black belt
345
00:14:23,504 --> 00:14:25,238
who started trouble just
so he could practice
346
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,234
his karate in
street-fighting scenarios.
347
00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:31,310
What ensued was one of the most
spectacular ass-whoopings
348
00:14:31,311 --> 00:14:34,741
ever witnessed in
the Atlantic northeast.
349
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,777
Ahh!
350
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,380
(thumping blows)
351
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,017
Darius lost four
of his teeth,
352
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,620
fractured his arm,
spine, and pelvis;
353
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,721
and then Tenecia got involved.
354
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,131
All his talk about
"keeping it real"
355
00:14:52,132 --> 00:14:53,866
was getting on
my last nerves.
356
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,847
I savored that ass-whooping.
357
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,505
Kick him
in the ass.
358
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,634
Oh, one more time.
359
00:15:01,675 --> 00:15:03,803
Oh... oh!
360
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:09,442
The tag team ass-whopping
continued for minutes,
361
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:13,346
ending when karate expert
Chris left with Tenecia.
362
00:15:13,387 --> 00:15:17,683
That night they
had sex three times.
363
00:15:17,724 --> 00:15:20,520
As a result of his
hospital bills,
364
00:15:20,561 --> 00:15:23,796
Darius was forced to move
back in with his grandmom.
365
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,924
This knucklehead talkin' about
"keeping it real."
366
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,094
I'm gonna "keep it real."
367
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,303
I want his goddamn ass
out of my house
368
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,865
so I can get
my swerve on too.
369
00:15:32,906 --> 00:15:34,600
Shit.
370
00:15:34,641 --> 00:15:37,243
Darius is humiliated
on a daily basis.
371
00:15:37,244 --> 00:15:38,504
Granny, don't!
372
00:15:38,545 --> 00:15:40,225
Well, hurry the hell up
373
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:42,014
and finish yourself off,
Darius.
374
00:15:42,015 --> 00:15:45,051
Unlike you, I'm gettin'
a little action tonight,
375
00:15:45,052 --> 00:15:47,180
you punk-bitch.
376
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:51,991
He is witnessed to things
377
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:55,421
that no man should
ever have to see.
378
00:15:57,156 --> 00:16:00,666
Darius, you big dummy,
this ain't no show-and-tell.
379
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:03,229
Take a walk.
380
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:05,398
Yeah, get some rubbers.
381
00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:07,133
And get the big ones.
382
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:10,169
Fuckin' right.
383
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,981
From most assuredly
having sex with his girl
384
00:16:14,982 --> 00:16:17,976
to getting beat up and moving
back in with his family...
385
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,885
granny, don't!
386
00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:21,053
...Darius James
showed us what can happen
387
00:16:21,054 --> 00:16:24,917
when 'keeping it real'
goes wrong.
388
00:16:24,958 --> 00:16:26,259
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break everybody,
389
00:16:26,260 --> 00:16:27,954
don't go anywhere.
390
00:16:27,995 --> 00:16:30,989
We got to pay these bills,
and we'll be right back.
391
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,026
(cheering)
392
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,330
Chappelle's Show, ow.
393
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:39,772
Look at that.
394
00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:41,467
Turn on
your TV.
395
00:16:41,508 --> 00:16:43,418
What you're
gonna to see?
396
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,845
Oh, hey, what's up,
everybody, it's Dave.
397
00:16:45,846 --> 00:16:48,447
Right now our next guest,
we're very excited about.
398
00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:50,616
He's got one of
the smoothest voices
399
00:16:50,617 --> 00:16:51,878
in music today.
400
00:16:51,919 --> 00:16:53,653
Give it up for my man from
Charlotte, North Carolina,
401
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:55,781
Anthony Hamilton.
402
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,460
I got a story about
my life
403
00:17:01,461 --> 00:17:03,589
you'd like to hear, yeah
404
00:17:03,630 --> 00:17:06,192
well, listen
405
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,570
sittin' here
I guess I didn't make bail
406
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,566
got time and a story
to tell
407
00:17:13,607 --> 00:17:16,602
started when
I was nine years old
408
00:17:16,643 --> 00:17:19,472
woke up, my daddy was gone
409
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,281
I started hustlin'
they couldn't tell me nothin'
410
00:17:22,282 --> 00:17:25,312
frontin' in the hood tryin'
to be somebody
411
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:27,880
but my soul was on empty
412
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,483
I was searchin'
for something
413
00:17:30,524 --> 00:17:32,218
I tried to be good
414
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:36,122
tried to keep
from trouble
415
00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:38,724
livin' too fast
416
00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:42,194
tryin' to make
good on a hustle
417
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,665
sometimes it gets rough
418
00:17:45,706 --> 00:17:48,701
comin' from where I'm from,
I'm from
419
00:17:48,742 --> 00:17:51,304
times got hard, yeah
420
00:17:51,345 --> 00:17:54,340
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
421
00:17:54,381 --> 00:17:56,943
some times you gotta
walk to work
422
00:17:56,984 --> 00:17:58,244
yeah, oh lord
423
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,453
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
424
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,622
sometimes you gotta do
a little dirt
425
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:07,787
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
426
00:18:07,828 --> 00:18:10,429
wasn't really lookin'
guess I found it
427
00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:13,426
five foot three,
light brown skin
428
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:14,293
yeah
429
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,896
comin' from
the university
430
00:18:16,937 --> 00:18:19,498
nice style, lookin'
kinda lovely
431
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,132
didn't know
she had much game
432
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:25,137
down to ride out even
take the train
433
00:18:25,178 --> 00:18:27,740
even took her
to a poker game
434
00:18:27,781 --> 00:18:30,775
she's top notch from
fried chicken to sushi
435
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,244
tried to be good
436
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:33,379
I tried
437
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:36,415
tried to treat
you like a lady
438
00:18:36,456 --> 00:18:39,018
tried to be your friend
439
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,054
turned out
that you were shady
440
00:18:42,095 --> 00:18:43,356
you were shady
441
00:18:43,397 --> 00:18:45,524
sometimes it
gets lonely
442
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,167
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
443
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:51,188
sometimes they ain't
what they seem to be
444
00:18:51,204 --> 00:18:53,806
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
445
00:18:53,807 --> 00:18:56,369
sometimes you get
a little angry
446
00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:58,104
yeah
447
00:18:58,145 --> 00:18:59,879
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
448
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,875
sometimes you get
the best of me
449
00:19:02,916 --> 00:19:05,911
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
450
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,514
well I tried
to be good
451
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:09,815
I tried
452
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,590
wanted nothing
but to love somebody
453
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:15,021
didn't wanna die young
454
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:18,057
steady hustlin tryin'
to feed my family
455
00:19:18,098 --> 00:19:21,527
too scared to have
kids and do like daddy did
456
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,563
'cause I'm so scared
of failin'
457
00:19:24,604 --> 00:19:26,732
sometimes it get hard
458
00:19:26,773 --> 00:19:28,743
comin' from
where I'm from
459
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:33,239
well yeahhhh...
460
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,274
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
461
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,311
sometimes you gotta
moan in the mornin'
462
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:42,348
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
463
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,990
sometimes you gotta
cry a little bit louder
464
00:19:44,991 --> 00:19:47,987
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
465
00:19:48,028 --> 00:19:51,457
sometimes you gotta
fight the pain yeahhh
466
00:19:51,498 --> 00:19:54,100
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
467
00:19:54,101 --> 00:19:56,662
sometimes you gotta
walk alone
468
00:19:56,703 --> 00:19:57,963
walk alone
469
00:19:58,004 --> 00:20:00,565
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
470
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:03,169
sometimes you get
a little worried
471
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:06,245
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
472
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,808
sometimes you get
lost outta touch
473
00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:11,844
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
474
00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:15,354
and sometimes I even think
I pray a little bit too much
475
00:20:15,355 --> 00:20:17,957
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
476
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:21,387
sometimes I get a
little scared
477
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:24,029
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
478
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:27,026
sometimes I get a
little scared
479
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:29,627
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
480
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:33,139
sometimes I find myself
have to walk and pray alone
481
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:35,701
sometimes
482
00:20:35,742 --> 00:20:39,171
talkin' about where
I come from
483
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,814
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
484
00:20:41,815 --> 00:20:43,509
for being here tonight,
485
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:46,152
I'd like to thank you at home
for watching the show.
486
00:20:46,153 --> 00:20:47,887
We couldn't
do it without you.
487
00:20:47,888 --> 00:20:49,147
I'm Dave Chappelle.
488
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,489
I'll see ya
next week.
489
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:53,486
Skeet, skeet, skeet,
I'm out.
490
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:00,860
I'm rich, biatch!
491
00:21:00,901 --> 00:21:02,161
(horn honking)
492
00:21:02,202 --> 00:21:04,530
Hi,
thank you.
493
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:09,969
My mother,
my mother knew this.
494
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,138
Time out.
495
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,909
Poppin' now...
496
00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:19,945
here come
my Oscar shot.
497
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,146
Where did I put
my glasses at?
498
00:21:29,488 --> 00:21:31,697
(man)... on top of your head, Dave.
499
00:21:31,698 --> 00:21:33,392
Oh.
500
00:21:33,433 --> 00:21:34,894
(crew laughing)
500
00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:41,398
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