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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,036
(Dave)
I can't.
2
00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:05,245
I'm sorry,
I can't do this anymore.
3
00:00:05,246 --> 00:00:06,507
(man)
What?
4
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:07,374
Why not?
5
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,450
I'm burnt out, Lou,
I got a family, man.
6
00:00:10,451 --> 00:00:12,185
I'm workin' 20-hour days
every day.
7
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:13,487
I ain't makin' no money.
8
00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:15,638
Mr. Hanky
makes more than me.
9
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,258
Dave, you signed a contract
for two seasons
10
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:19,993
and I don't know if
you've read USA Today,
11
00:00:19,994 --> 00:00:22,596
but we expect you back
for a third.
12
00:00:22,597 --> 00:00:23,857
Oh, really?
13
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,025
Really,
you expect me back, huh?
14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,801
Well, guess what,
expect this:
15
00:00:27,802 --> 00:00:30,392
My resignation,
effective immediately.
16
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,665
I quit!
17
00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:33,400
Suit yourself, Dave.
18
00:00:33,441 --> 00:00:36,002
You've already shot
all of your sketches.
19
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:39,443
At this point in the season,
you're replaceable.
20
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,509
Heh-heh,
replaceable?
21
00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:43,850
You gonna replace me?
22
00:00:43,851 --> 00:00:46,019
Dave Chappelle
of Chappelle's Show?
23
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:47,321
I'd like to see that.
24
00:00:47,322 --> 00:00:50,317
Brady Show.
The Brady Show.
25
00:00:50,358 --> 00:00:51,618
Brady Show.
26
00:00:51,659 --> 00:00:53,353
Heh.
Brady Show.
27
00:00:53,394 --> 00:00:55,088
Brady Show.
28
00:00:55,129 --> 00:00:56,823
Not Dave's Show.
29
00:00:56,864 --> 00:00:58,125
Not no mo'.
30
00:00:58,166 --> 00:00:59,900
The Brady Show.
The Brady Show.
31
00:00:59,901 --> 00:01:01,161
Say what?
32
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:03,370
The Brady Show.
The Brady Show.
33
00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:07,668
Let's start the show.
Oh whoa.
34
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,307
(announcer)
Wayne Brady!
35
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,210
Whoo, hey!
36
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:23,283
Welcome, folks up top,
people down here.
37
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,018
Everybody!
38
00:01:25,059 --> 00:01:27,621
Comedy Central!
39
00:01:27,662 --> 00:01:28,488
Hey!
40
00:01:28,529 --> 00:01:29,830
Thank you guys so much.
41
00:01:29,831 --> 00:01:33,300
As you saw, this really is
the Wayne Brady Show,
42
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,035
no longer
the Chappelle show.
43
00:01:35,036 --> 00:01:40,200
Dave has been uh... downsized
and um, and I've been brought...
44
00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:41,108
(woman)
Hey.
45
00:01:41,109 --> 00:01:42,803
You're so wonderful.
46
00:01:42,844 --> 00:01:44,972
Oh, thank you.
47
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:47,140
(cheers & applause)
48
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,074
Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET
49
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:59,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
50
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,435
You know, one of the things
in Hollywood is,
51
00:02:08,436 --> 00:02:11,431
there are only
a few of us black actors
52
00:02:11,472 --> 00:02:13,206
that happen to be working.
53
00:02:13,207 --> 00:02:14,941
And nothing makes me happier
than to be able
54
00:02:14,942 --> 00:02:17,504
to take another
black actor's job.
55
00:02:17,545 --> 00:02:20,107
(applause)
56
00:02:20,148 --> 00:02:21,408
Thank you.
57
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:23,142
I'm just doin' my thing.
58
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,179
So, Dave,
before he was let go,
59
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:27,954
he taped a bunch
of his sketches.
60
00:02:27,955 --> 00:02:30,123
So before we go on with
the third season
61
00:02:30,124 --> 00:02:31,858
which would be
the Wayne Brady Show,
62
00:02:31,859 --> 00:02:33,760
we have to burn off
all of his sketches.
63
00:02:33,761 --> 00:02:37,651
So, 'scuse me, I'm gonna
give my flowers to you, sir,
64
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,060
but not in that way, dude.
65
00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:42,703
So this next sketch,
this is about...
66
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,871
you guys know the show
Fear Factor, right?
67
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:46,133
(audience)
Yeah.
68
00:02:46,174 --> 00:02:48,341
So Dave and those guys,
they found a very, very
69
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,502
special episode
of Fear Factor
70
00:02:50,511 --> 00:02:51,812
that they wanted
to share with you.
71
00:02:51,813 --> 00:02:53,193
Let's take a look.
72
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,543
I'm Joe Rogan
and this is Fear Factor.
73
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,278
My name's Jeff.
74
00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:00,487
I'm a computer programmer
from Redondo Beach,
75
00:03:00,488 --> 00:03:03,483
and I refuse to lose.
76
00:03:03,524 --> 00:03:06,520
My name is Rita,
I'm from Idaho,
77
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,121
but trust me,
I ain't no couch potato.
78
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,291
I'm Anne,
I'm from Boston.
79
00:03:11,332 --> 00:03:12,602
I promised my mom
80
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:14,801
I wasn't going to
embarrass her here tonight.
81
00:03:14,802 --> 00:03:16,496
Huh?
82
00:03:16,537 --> 00:03:17,798
Oh.
83
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,834
Hi, I'm Tyrone Biggums.
84
00:03:20,875 --> 00:03:23,043
I heard that
I could win a lot of money
85
00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,645
and I get a pig-testicle dinner
with all the fixins.
86
00:03:25,646 --> 00:03:28,208
Gotta play to win!
87
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:32,112
(Joe)
Here is your first stunt.
88
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,582
(Tyrone)
We gotta eat that?
89
00:03:35,623 --> 00:03:37,357
I can't eat
all of it.
90
00:03:37,358 --> 00:03:38,658
You each have to lie
in this coffin
91
00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:40,787
covered with worms and bugs.
92
00:03:40,828 --> 00:03:42,955
The three of you
that can last the longest
93
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,731
will move on to
the next round.
94
00:03:44,732 --> 00:03:49,896
Rita, you're up first,
climb on in.
95
00:03:49,937 --> 00:03:52,539
All right, we're gonna have to
add a few more to the mix.
96
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:55,102
Oh, Joe Rogan,
you crazy!
97
00:03:59,005 --> 00:03:59,873
God.
98
00:03:59,914 --> 00:04:02,516
One of them tried
to crawl in my mouth!
99
00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:06,379
One minute
and 42 seconds.
100
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:11,151
Lemme just help you out,
get some on him.
101
00:04:11,192 --> 00:04:12,886
There you go.
102
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,311
Look at 'em spreadin',
they spreadin'.
103
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,694
Five minutes
and 42 seconds.
104
00:04:20,735 --> 00:04:22,469
Anne, it's all up to you.
105
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,164
Lie down.
106
00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:25,465
(screams)
107
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:30,237
Oh God,
that was gross.
108
00:04:30,278 --> 00:04:31,538
Wow.
109
00:04:31,579 --> 00:04:32,839
All right, Ty.
110
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,181
I'm gonna tell you
something about me,
111
00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:36,308
Joe Rogan, that you
might not know.
112
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,912
I smoke rocks.
113
00:04:38,953 --> 00:04:40,213
(laughter)
114
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,683
Mmm!
115
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,580
You did it, Tyrone.
116
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,093
You shattered Jeff's time,
you can come on out now, man.
117
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,869
Joe Rogan, if it's all
the same to you,
118
00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:58,471
I'd like to finish
readin' my newspaper.
119
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:01,942
I haven't had a chance to sit
still and read for so long.
120
00:05:01,943 --> 00:05:03,637
(chuckles)
121
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:07,147
Technically, you can stay
in there as long as you want.
122
00:05:07,148 --> 00:05:08,408
You know what?
123
00:05:08,449 --> 00:05:11,011
I think
I'm gonna take a nap.
124
00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:15,348
Go ahead without me,
I'll catch up.
125
00:05:15,389 --> 00:05:18,819
Could you dim the lights,
please, Joe Rogan?
126
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,060
(farting)
Ugh!
127
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,832
(snoring)
Crack...
128
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,510
all right, it's time
for your next challenge:
129
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:40,073
Walking on hot coals.
130
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,583
Some of these coals burn
at over 1,000 degrees.
131
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:44,845
Goddamn!
132
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,053
The two people that can spend
the most time on those coals
133
00:05:47,054 --> 00:05:48,748
will advance.
134
00:05:48,789 --> 00:05:51,351
All right, Rita,
you're up first.
135
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,692
You ready
to do this?
136
00:05:52,693 --> 00:05:53,520
Yeah.
137
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:57,858
Go!
138
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,026
Time!
Eight seconds.
139
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:04,364
Go!
140
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,533
Time!
Seven seconds.
141
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,874
Rita, he didn't beat
your time.
142
00:06:07,875 --> 00:06:10,043
Congratulations,
you advance automatically.
143
00:06:10,044 --> 00:06:12,172
Tyrone,
it's up to you now.
144
00:06:12,213 --> 00:06:14,773
All you have to do is beat
Jeff's time of seven seconds
145
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,508
and you will
move on to the next round
146
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:19,546
and be that much closer
to $50,000.
147
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:20,847
Oh!
148
00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:22,188
Take your shoes off,
let's do it.
149
00:06:22,189 --> 00:06:23,450
Whoa.
150
00:06:23,491 --> 00:06:25,184
Tyrone, I think
there's something wrong
151
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,485
with one of your feet.
152
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,787
Oh!
153
00:06:27,828 --> 00:06:28,221
Go!
154
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,362
Hey, Joe Rogan,
is it almost lunchtime?
155
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,875
'Cause I smell
somebody cookin'.
156
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,800
Smells like...
cajun steaks
157
00:06:40,841 --> 00:06:43,837
with catfish
and fried peppers.
158
00:06:43,878 --> 00:06:45,138
Mmm!
159
00:06:45,179 --> 00:06:46,479
Tyrone, are you okay?
160
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,042
You won,
you beat Jeff's time.
161
00:06:49,083 --> 00:06:51,293
You advance to
the next round.
162
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,813
My feet are strong.
163
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,621
(laughter & applause)
164
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,995
All right, Rita, Tyrone,
here is your final stunt.
165
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,204
Each one of these platters
166
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:13,807
contains over three pounds
of elk penis
167
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,369
in a light cream
testicle sauce.
168
00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,971
It's topped off with
diced pig bladder.
169
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,574
For dessert,
we have horse hooves.
170
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:22,916
Whoever can
eat the most
171
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:26,780
is gonna walk away
with $50,000.
172
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,081
Go!
173
00:07:28,122 --> 00:07:30,290
(Tyrone) Hurry up,
girl, I wanna do my turn.
174
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:31,157
Grab that penis.
175
00:07:31,158 --> 00:07:34,154
Suck them juices off,
suck it!
176
00:07:34,195 --> 00:07:35,021
That's it.
177
00:07:35,062 --> 00:07:36,756
Mm-mmm!
178
00:07:36,797 --> 00:07:38,058
Oh!
179
00:07:38,099 --> 00:07:41,528
(gagging)
I can't do this.
180
00:07:41,569 --> 00:07:43,263
Are you sure?
181
00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:44,130
Mm-hmm.
182
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:46,298
All right, I'm sorry,
you're eliminated.
183
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,640
All right, Ty,
it's up to you.
184
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:48,942
All you have to do is
eat a little bit
185
00:07:48,943 --> 00:07:49,809
and you're
the champ...
186
00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:51,504
and yadda yadda yadda.
187
00:07:51,545 --> 00:07:52,806
Mm-mmm!
188
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,581
You know, Joe Rogan,
189
00:07:54,582 --> 00:07:58,011
this is not the first time
I've tasted penis.
190
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,653
I've had several
in my line of work.
191
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:03,216
You taste penises
all the time.
192
00:08:03,257 --> 00:08:05,397
Cocaine is
a hell of a drug.
193
00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:07,554
Tyrone,
you are our champion.
194
00:08:07,595 --> 00:08:08,855
Congratulations.
195
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:12,759
And evidently,
fear is not a factor for you.
196
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,534
Fear is never a factor,
Joe Rogan.
197
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,530
I'm tryin' to
get some crack rocks.
198
00:08:17,571 --> 00:08:19,265
Tyrita, I did it!
199
00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:20,567
I won!
200
00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:22,342
Come down on
these penises with me.
201
00:08:22,343 --> 00:08:24,904
Hot sauce!
202
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,128
There you go,
pretend like it's mines.
203
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:39,219
Tyrita, this money's gonna
change our lives forever!
204
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:45,725
Tyrita, I can finally make
an honest woman outta you
205
00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:50,063
and give you that rock
you always had your eye on.
206
00:08:50,104 --> 00:08:51,364
Look, Tyrita.
207
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:57,003
Oh, Tyrone,
this'll get us high for...
208
00:08:57,044 --> 00:08:58,084
hours, I know.
209
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:03,943
But first,
may I have this dance?
210
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,957
(classical music plays)
211
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,951
(cheers & applause)
212
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:13,960
Folks, we'll be
right back in a second
213
00:09:13,961 --> 00:09:16,089
to the Brady Show!
214
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,160
Brady Show.
Yeah, yeah.
215
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,329
Brady...
Brady Show.
216
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,101
Oh, come on, man.
217
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,571
(cheers & applause
on TV)
218
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,945
(phone ringing)
219
00:09:38,986 --> 00:09:40,246
Hello?
220
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,981
Big Boi!
221
00:09:42,022 --> 00:09:43,323
Uh, who's calling?
222
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:45,017
It's Dave Chappelle, man.
223
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,187
(whispers)
Fuck.
224
00:09:47,228 --> 00:09:48,922
What's happenin', Dave?
225
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,223
Nothin', man.
226
00:09:50,264 --> 00:09:52,432
I, you know, I got
a bunch of free time now.
227
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:53,733
Figure I'd call you up
228
00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:56,704
maybe we could get together
and hang out.
229
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:58,505
Dave, I'm in
the operating room,
230
00:09:58,506 --> 00:10:00,240
um, gettin' back surgery.
231
00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,368
Oh, no.
232
00:10:02,409 --> 00:10:03,710
Where's the anesthesia?
233
00:10:03,711 --> 00:10:05,405
Stop.
234
00:10:05,446 --> 00:10:08,007
Well, look,
I'm just sayin'
235
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,782
maybe we can get together,
maybe tomorrow,
236
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,518
I'll come
and bring some soup by.
237
00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:13,253
Tomorrow
might not be good.
238
00:10:13,254 --> 00:10:14,514
Tomorrow...
239
00:10:14,555 --> 00:10:16,723
I'm supposed to be hookin' up
with Don Cornelius tomorrow.
240
00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:18,852
All right.
241
00:10:18,893 --> 00:10:20,586
Yeah, we playin' tennis, man.
242
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,362
Well, you know,
I'm around, man.
243
00:10:22,363 --> 00:10:24,057
Just give me a call.
244
00:10:24,098 --> 00:10:25,398
We playin'
on the moon, bitch.
245
00:10:25,399 --> 00:10:27,133
Peace, don't call me
no more.
246
00:10:27,134 --> 00:10:28,394
What?
247
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,600
I gotta clear my head.
248
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,046
Hey, son!
249
00:10:47,087 --> 00:10:48,348
Nick Cannon?
250
00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:49,649
Oh!
251
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,858
What you doin'
with Nick Cannon, boy?
252
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,299
I'm livin' my life.
253
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,762
I told you Nick Cannon
is hilarious,
254
00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:57,497
so I'm done with you, dad.
255
00:10:57,498 --> 00:11:00,927
I'm hilarious too,
remember me?
256
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:02,702
"I'm Rick James, bitch!"
257
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,963
Remember me?
258
00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:06,172
Doo-da-lit doo-da-lit
doo-da-lit doo
259
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:07,907
doo-da-lit
doo-da-lit...
260
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:09,602
That was me, baby!
261
00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:11,377
Dave, I'm trying to
fulfill his needs.
262
00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:13,980
You know, he need
a working actor in his life.
263
00:11:13,981 --> 00:11:16,543
Understand, man,
you done fell off.
264
00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:18,318
Shouldn'ta gave up
your show, dawg.
265
00:11:18,319 --> 00:11:20,920
Still got Chuck E. Cheese's,
huh, little man?
266
00:11:20,921 --> 00:11:24,350
Leave me
and my new daddy alone.
267
00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:27,387
I'm gonna
get my show back, now.
268
00:11:27,428 --> 00:11:30,857
I'ma get my show back!
My show back!
269
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:35,195
(slow motion)
My show baaack!
270
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:39,572
'Cause this
your show, man.
271
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:40,440
It's my show?
272
00:11:40,441 --> 00:11:41,741
If it's my show,
can I do this?
273
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,236
You can do...
whoo!
274
00:11:43,277 --> 00:11:46,940
(beat boxing)
275
00:11:46,981 --> 00:11:47,807
Whoo!
276
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,410
(cheers & applause)
277
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,145
Thank you.
278
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,314
Thank you.
279
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:56,048
He's better lookin'.
280
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,390
Agreed, agreed,
handsome guy.
281
00:11:57,391 --> 00:11:58,651
And charming.
282
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,860
And the other thing,
cooperative.
283
00:12:00,861 --> 00:12:02,161
I just can't believe
how funny he is.
284
00:12:02,162 --> 00:12:03,423
Agreed.
285
00:12:03,464 --> 00:12:05,592
Couldn't be funnier.
286
00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:08,653
...and it's not so much
the shock anymore
287
00:12:08,669 --> 00:12:11,271
because the shock
is really your body's way of
288
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,439
cushioning your mind against
the whole horrid experience.
289
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,741
It's not
what you think, Dave.
290
00:12:14,742 --> 00:12:16,042
Dave, it's not what...
291
00:12:16,043 --> 00:12:18,171
they gave me...
292
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,946
she is a great critic.
293
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,074
Let's have a round of applause
for my mom, right?
294
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,677
(applause)
295
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:26,846
Huh?
296
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:29,015
Yeah.
297
00:12:29,056 --> 00:12:31,184
Whoo!
298
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,654
Right, right,
right, right.
299
00:12:34,695 --> 00:12:37,257
No no no, no no no!
300
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,333
You guys are too kind,
you guys are too kind.
301
00:12:40,334 --> 00:12:43,329
Ha ha ha!
302
00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:45,498
(man)
Whoo!
303
00:12:45,539 --> 00:12:48,101
Oh, fuck y'all!
304
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,835
It's good
to see you, Dave.
305
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:50,743
What's up, Wayne?
306
00:12:50,744 --> 00:12:52,004
What's up, brotha?
307
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,173
I want my show back.
308
00:12:54,214 --> 00:12:56,342
Gimme my show
back now.
309
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,812
Just give it back!
310
00:12:59,853 --> 00:13:00,720
Come on, man!
311
00:13:00,721 --> 00:13:02,455
Okay, wait,
you know what?
312
00:13:02,456 --> 00:13:03,323
Look, Wayne...
what?
313
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,319
Why don't we host it
together?
314
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,488
Nah, son.
315
00:13:08,529 --> 00:13:10,263
No, man,
it can't be together, man
316
00:13:10,264 --> 00:13:12,432
'cause you do different
things than I do.
317
00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:14,600
The way you do it
ain't like the way I do it.
318
00:13:14,601 --> 00:13:16,336
You got yo' thing,
I got my thing.
319
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,071
I'm tryin' to do my thing!
320
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:21,066
Come on, Wayne, you know
what I'm talkin' about!
321
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,842
No, actually I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
322
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,577
I... what's my thing, Dave?
323
00:13:24,578 --> 00:13:26,746
Oh like, remember that time
we was hangin' out?
324
00:13:26,747 --> 00:13:29,742
Remember that
a few months back?
325
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,421
Dave, I gotta tell you, man,
326
00:13:35,422 --> 00:13:36,723
I'm really happy
to be hangin' out with you.
327
00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:37,704
This is nice.
328
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,325
Oh, man,
it's just been great, man.
329
00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,193
Well, same here, man.
330
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,494
You busy with your show,
I got my stuff.
331
00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:42,795
This is really cool.
332
00:13:42,796 --> 00:13:44,530
Yeah, man, you see that's the
thing with black actors, man.
333
00:13:44,531 --> 00:13:47,567
We need to just unify,
we can't just be out like...
334
00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:49,262
exactly.
335
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,338
Hey, hold up, Wayne,
I think you passed our turn.
336
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:53,639
The restaurant's
back that way.
337
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,941
Nah, that's all right.
338
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:56,636
Relax.
339
00:13:56,677 --> 00:13:58,411
What, you goin' to
get some weed?
340
00:13:58,412 --> 00:14:00,540
Haha, no.
341
00:14:00,581 --> 00:14:02,315
You wanna get some weed
now, holla at yo' boy.
342
00:14:02,316 --> 00:14:03,576
I know the spot.
343
00:14:03,617 --> 00:14:05,311
Hold on.
All right.
344
00:14:05,352 --> 00:14:07,480
There he is.
345
00:14:07,521 --> 00:14:08,911
Back yo'self, fool!
346
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,556
Aww, shit,
it's Wayne Brady, son!
347
00:14:10,557 --> 00:14:15,288
Oh, shit!
348
00:14:15,329 --> 00:14:17,069
What the fuck you doin'?
349
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,927
Riverside, mothafucka!
350
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,927
Damn!
351
00:14:20,968 --> 00:14:23,096
Ha ha!
352
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:24,871
What the fuck
are you doin'?!
353
00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:26,132
Dave, calm down.
354
00:14:26,173 --> 00:14:27,039
What you mean,
calm down?
355
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,301
Dave, relax.
356
00:14:28,342 --> 00:14:29,642
You just shot people, Wayne,
those were people you shot.
357
00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:32,245
Goddamn, man, you got
a daytime emmy, nigga.
358
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,980
You ain't supposed to be
doin' shit like this.
359
00:14:33,981 --> 00:14:35,674
Dave, you makin' me nervous.
360
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,016
You're makin' me think
that you gonna snitch.
361
00:14:37,017 --> 00:14:39,185
Now, you're not gonna
snitch, right?
362
00:14:39,186 --> 00:14:40,920
No, man, come on now,
I ain't no snitch.
363
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,180
Now, you sure
you're not gonna snitch?
364
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,523
It's me, nigga,
it's Dave, baby.
365
00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:44,824
What the fuck,
you gonna snitch on me?
366
00:14:44,825 --> 00:14:46,125
Yo, nigga, come on,
it's me, it's Dave.
367
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:49,121
We black actors, man,
we gotta stick together.
368
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,724
We black actors.
369
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,499
Come on, it's me,
baby, it's Dave.
370
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:56,496
It's Dave Chappelle,
it's yo' boy.
371
00:14:56,537 --> 00:14:58,664
Okay, sorry, man.
372
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,343
I gotta get
some money, man.
373
00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:06,471
I gotta go to the ATM.
I don't have no money.
374
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,641
I'll get some money.
375
00:15:08,682 --> 00:15:10,810
(laughter)
376
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,148
All right,
right here.
377
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,051
Where's the ATM at?
378
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,787
We at it.
379
00:15:20,828 --> 00:15:21,654
Hey!
380
00:15:21,695 --> 00:15:25,124
(car horn plays
"La Cucaracha")
381
00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:26,859
Hey, daddy.
382
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,161
Hoes, Dave.
383
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,896
Dave, hoes.
384
00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:31,457
Good evening, bitches.
385
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,366
We did good tonight.
386
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,442
That's what I like to hear,
that's... oh, that's nice.
387
00:15:36,443 --> 00:15:37,703
Hey, baby!
388
00:15:37,744 --> 00:15:39,439
Thank you.
389
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,607
All right,
more power to me.
390
00:15:41,648 --> 00:15:43,776
All right, thank you, baby.
391
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:47,680
Oh, Raquel,
what's this?
392
00:15:47,721 --> 00:15:50,282
Mr. Franklin's lonely,
he's... there's only...
393
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,018
Sorry, daddy.
394
00:15:52,059 --> 00:15:53,359
What do you mean,
"sorry, daddy?"
395
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,620
What the hell...?
396
00:15:54,661 --> 00:15:59,826
Is Wayne Brady
gonna have to choke a bitch?
397
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:02,468
I'm gonna have to get out
this car and choke...
398
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:05,898
I'm not violent,
I try not to be.
399
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,673
I'm a... you know what?
400
00:16:07,674 --> 00:16:08,934
Wayne, come on, man.
401
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,276
No no no, I'm gonna
get outta this car...
402
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:12,011
come on, will you please,
please, Wayne?
403
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:15,441
Come on,
just let her slide.
404
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,951
You better thank
Dave Chappelle.
405
00:16:18,952 --> 00:16:20,213
Go ahead.
406
00:16:20,254 --> 00:16:21,988
Thank you, Dave,
and I like your show.
407
00:16:21,989 --> 00:16:23,289
Run, bitch,
run for your life!
408
00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:24,984
Get some help!
409
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,888
I'm sorry, heh,
you know...
410
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,262
there you go,
pay me back whenever.
411
00:16:36,303 --> 00:16:37,997
I, I...
412
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,941
I can't take this money, man,
this money ain't clean, man.
413
00:16:41,942 --> 00:16:43,202
Dave, relax.
414
00:16:43,243 --> 00:16:44,977
No, man, I can't relax,
I don't want this money.
415
00:16:44,978 --> 00:16:46,279
Dave, you are
too uptight.
416
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,014
You know,
here, smoke this.
417
00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:49,315
Nah, I'm cool, man.
418
00:16:49,316 --> 00:16:51,050
No no, smoke this,
take it, come on, smoke it.
419
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,310
I don't wanna smoke...
420
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,086
this is not
an option, nigga.
421
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:57,950
If you do not smoke this,
we have a problem.
422
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:01,460
Ain't no damn
after-school special.
423
00:17:01,461 --> 00:17:03,155
Smoke it.
424
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,059
(coughs)
425
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,794
(laughs)
426
00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:12,255
Dave, I didn't know
that you liked to get wet.
427
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,005
What do you mean, "wet?"
428
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:16,602
(sinister laugh)
429
00:17:16,643 --> 00:17:20,940
Yeah, brother,
that's PCP, angel dust,
430
00:17:20,981 --> 00:17:24,410
sherman hemsley,
"love boat."
431
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,013
Ashy Larry...
432
00:17:27,054 --> 00:17:29,615
white people
love Wayne Brady
433
00:17:29,656 --> 00:17:35,688
because he makes Bryant Gumbel
look like Malcolm X.
434
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,158
(distorted)
435
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,966
(police sirens)
436
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:50,002
Where are we?
437
00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:51,304
We got company.
438
00:17:51,345 --> 00:17:53,946
Just let me do
all the talking, okay?
439
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,207
Good evening!
440
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,850
Good evening, officer,
may I help you?
441
00:17:57,851 --> 00:17:59,545
Yeah...
(no voice)
442
00:17:59,586 --> 00:18:01,279
Can you step out
of the car, please?
443
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,582
Not a word.
444
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,365
(chuckling)
Coming!
445
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:10,863
Can I see
your license?
446
00:18:10,864 --> 00:18:13,859
Absolutely.
447
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,366
Holy cow!
448
00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:22,101
You're Wayne Brady.
449
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,836
Guilty as charged.
450
00:18:23,877 --> 00:18:26,872
My mother-in-law
loves you.
451
00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:29,949
Well, thank you very much,
thank you very much.
452
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:32,511
The morning I wake up.
453
00:18:32,552 --> 00:18:33,813
(chuckling)
454
00:18:33,854 --> 00:18:35,982
And I put on
my make up.
455
00:18:36,023 --> 00:18:38,584
I say a little prayer
for you.
456
00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:39,452
Ooohhhh.
457
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,187
Together, together,
458
00:18:41,228 --> 00:18:44,656
you'll be in my heart
and I will always love you.
459
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,866
She is not gonna believe
that this happened.
460
00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:49,468
That's 'cause she is never
gonna know about it, bitch.
461
00:18:49,469 --> 00:18:51,597
What?
(snap)
462
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:55,067
Thank you, good night!
463
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,839
What the fuck?!
464
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,875
What the fuck, man!
465
00:19:02,916 --> 00:19:06,345
It's not my thing, man,
it's not my thing.
466
00:19:06,386 --> 00:19:07,647
I'm sorry.
467
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,855
Well, actually,
I'm not sorry.
468
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:11,550
(laughing)
469
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:14,153
I don't give a fuck.
470
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:17,623
They cancelled my show
and shit goes crazy!
471
00:19:17,664 --> 00:19:19,398
I just wanna go home
and see my family, man.
472
00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:22,395
I just wanna go home
and see my family.
473
00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:23,696
Dave?
474
00:19:23,737 --> 00:19:24,997
You hungry?
475
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:25,905
I'm not hungry.
476
00:19:25,906 --> 00:19:27,165
Come on, you hungry?
477
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,507
You want a sandwich?
478
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:30,635
(choking up)
I just wanna go home.
479
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:34,106
Eat your sandwich,
Dave.
480
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:38,010
Give me your sandwich.
481
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:41,914
I said, give me
your damn sandwich.
482
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,292
I make Bryant Gumbel
look like Malcolm X,
483
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:48,421
huh, motherfucker?
484
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,626
This is me.
485
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,795
Whatever,
get out.
486
00:19:55,836 --> 00:19:57,963
(laughing)
487
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:01,726
Hey, Dave.
Huh?
488
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,601
Man, really...
I had a great time tonight.
489
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:04,904
Thank you.
490
00:20:04,945 --> 00:20:06,639
Black actors, man.
491
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,546
Black actors.
492
00:20:07,547 --> 00:20:08,848
All right.
All right.
493
00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:10,109
Oh, Dave?
494
00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:11,410
Yeah?
495
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,447
Aaah!
496
00:20:14,488 --> 00:20:17,049
(laughing)
I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!
497
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,387
It was Mooney!
498
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,536
We gonna take
a quick commercial break.
499
00:20:30,537 --> 00:20:32,231
Yeah.
500
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,006
We'll be right back
with more Chappelle show
501
00:20:34,007 --> 00:20:36,135
right after this.
502
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,738
Aahh!
503
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,941
The greatest show.
504
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,355
I'd like to thank you all
for being here.
505
00:20:49,356 --> 00:20:51,483
I'd like to thank
my guest Wayne Brady.
506
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,391
Thank you, sir.
507
00:20:52,392 --> 00:20:53,651
I'd like to thank
508
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,427
the greatest audience
in the world.
509
00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:57,123
I'm out!
510
00:20:57,164 --> 00:20:59,291
Take your show back.
511
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,026
I'm rich, biatch!
512
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:02,368
(horn honking)
513
00:21:02,369 --> 00:21:04,063
Hi,
thank you.
514
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,838
Paul Mooney did that thing,
515
00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:07,573
that thing
about white people
516
00:21:07,574 --> 00:21:08,854
and Bryant Gumbel.
517
00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:11,436
Next thing I know,
this man calls me.
518
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,212
No one calls each other
in show business,
519
00:21:13,213 --> 00:21:14,472
because they're
all too arrogant.
520
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:15,381
He calls me.
521
00:21:15,382 --> 00:21:18,377
"Wayne, hey, man."
522
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:20,586
Not like he was scared,
523
00:21:20,587 --> 00:21:22,715
but he called me
and said,
524
00:21:22,756 --> 00:21:23,622
"hey, look,
you know what?
525
00:21:23,623 --> 00:21:25,317
"I really respect you.
526
00:21:25,358 --> 00:21:26,659
And I would love for you
to come out and do the show."
527
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:29,261
I cancelled three of my shows
to come and do this
528
00:21:29,262 --> 00:21:31,390
because that
meant so much.
529
00:21:31,431 --> 00:21:33,125
(applause)
531
00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:44,766
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