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1
00:00:00,434 --> 00:00:02,169
Chappelle's Show.
2
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:03,470
Oww.
3
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,073
Woo-hoo-hoo.
4
00:00:06,114 --> 00:00:07,808
Woo-hoo.
5
00:00:07,849 --> 00:00:09,977
Yeah, yeah.
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00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:17,351
(announcer) Ladies and
gentlemen, Dave Chappelle!
7
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(applauding)
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00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,688
Thank you all.
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00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,423
Thank you, folks.
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,893
Tonight you tuned in
on a very special night.
11
00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,495
You know, now that the show.
is becoming successful,
12
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,705
people are writing
about it in papers,
13
00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:34,700
the only thing more spectacular
than our success
14
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,436
is our failures.
15
00:00:36,477 --> 00:00:39,513
Tonight I will show you
some of the craziest things
16
00:00:39,514 --> 00:00:42,983
we have tried to get away
with and didn't succeed.
17
00:00:42,984 --> 00:00:45,112
(laughing)
18
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,754
These are all sketches
we actually went out,
19
00:00:47,755 --> 00:00:49,489
we shot the sketches...
I didn't make this idea.
20
00:00:49,490 --> 00:00:50,791
This is a crazy, ah...
21
00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:54,221
well, you'll see
as we go along.
22
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,996
But this is the good
thing about black people.
23
00:00:55,997 --> 00:01:01,161
We are just the best at taking
lemons and making lemonade.
24
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:03,370
This is a skill that
black people have been endowed.
25
00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:05,105
They gave us the worst
part of pigs,
26
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,406
we said we're gonna
call 'em chitlings,
27
00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:08,141
put some
hot sauce on the nigga
28
00:01:08,142 --> 00:01:09,835
and we will like 'em,
we will like them!
29
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:11,178
We'll eat the snout,
if we have to.
30
00:01:11,179 --> 00:01:12,913
If we have to,
I will eat the snout.
31
00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:15,475
Tonight we are gonna
eat all snout.
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This whole episode is
just straight up snout.
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(laughing)
34
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:29,356
Now, this first sketch
had our first celebrity cameo
35
00:01:29,397 --> 00:01:30,697
the Chappelle show
ever had.
36
00:01:30,698 --> 00:01:31,565
Nobody ever saw.
37
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It was a
very good cameo.
38
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Why don't you show 'em
the beginning.
39
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(applauding)
40
00:01:35,903 --> 00:01:37,164
Welcome back.
41
00:01:37,205 --> 00:01:38,939
Today, of course,
we are dealing with kids
42
00:01:38,940 --> 00:01:41,501
who are b-a-d, bad.
43
00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:43,670
Do you see, Sally?
44
00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:45,838
This is what I
have to deal with.
45
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Ronald is just
out of control, so trifling.
46
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Aw, ma,
shut up!
47
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(farts)
48
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All right, time to
straighten you up!
49
00:01:55,423 --> 00:01:57,985
Guess where you
are going.
50
00:01:58,026 --> 00:01:58,852
Boot camp.
51
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,454
Yeah, boot camp,
that's right,
52
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:05,359
with the hardest
C.O. you have ever met.
53
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:10,564
This is where the sketch
goes completely wrong.
54
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That's right,
Nelson Mandela.
55
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(blowing whistle)
56
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Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET
57
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(African accent) All right,
children, shut your mouth.
58
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,087
All of you
kids disgust me.
59
00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:31,818
Notice how shitty
the wig is.
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00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,461
Not only do I not look
anything like Nelson Mandela,
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00:02:34,462 --> 00:02:37,456
but the sketch just gets
progressively crazier.
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Mandela proceeds to just
beat the hell out of these kids
63
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for the next, like, eight to
nine minutes, all right.
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He's just berating
'em and beating 'em.
65
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:49,209
Here, just show them some
of the beat-downs.
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00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:52,245
This is the full Nelson,
bitch, it's a pun...
67
00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:53,526
(grunts and yells)
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You.
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00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:56,977
Cry "freedom."
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Cry "the beloved
country."
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00:03:00,488 --> 00:03:01,788
If I wanted to be mean,
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00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,391
I would tell this
kid how fat he is, huh?
73
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:07,386
I would tell him that I would
squeeze his breasts together
74
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,857
and make love to his
bosom, if I wanted to.
75
00:03:10,898 --> 00:03:12,592
Pretty bad, huh?
76
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:16,063
Well, it gets
weirder than that.
77
00:03:16,104 --> 00:03:19,534
Do you think Mandela doesn't
know what this is?
78
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,742
Do you think
Mandela doesn't know
79
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what's popping
on the streets?
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In the jungle
the mighty jungle...
81
00:03:26,514 --> 00:03:27,773
yo, I'm not sure,
82
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but I think Mr. Mandela
smoked my drugs.
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A-whee
84
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whee-o-whee-o
whee-o-wumbawe
85
00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:41,655
a-whee
86
00:03:41,696 --> 00:03:45,559
whee-o-whee-o
whee-o-wumbawe
87
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,294
(applauding)
88
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Pretty bad, huh?
89
00:03:49,937 --> 00:03:54,668
All right, now,
here's another stinker.
90
00:03:54,709 --> 00:04:02,042
This one was suppose to be
like the Def Poetry Jam.
91
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,512
It was called...
92
00:04:05,553 --> 00:04:07,246
it was a funny premise...
it was called
93
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,588
The Def Comedy Poetry Jam,
94
00:04:08,589 --> 00:04:11,191
where we basically have people
I knew from Def Comedy Jam
95
00:04:11,192 --> 00:04:14,621
come and do, like,
the corniest joke premises
96
00:04:14,662 --> 00:04:16,356
and poetry style.
97
00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:19,866
It's kind of hard
to explain, but it was funny.
98
00:04:19,867 --> 00:04:21,994
Like, Mos Def came out,
acted the fool.
99
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,770
Go ahead and show
them the beginning.
100
00:04:23,771 --> 00:04:26,333
(screaming)
101
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:28,542
Are you ready for some
poetry, motherfuckers?
102
00:04:28,543 --> 00:04:30,237
Ugh!
103
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:34,141
Mm, mm, ugh!
104
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:39,780
All right, so then
Shucky-Ducky comes out
105
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,121
and Hamburg and all
these guys come out and do
106
00:04:41,122 --> 00:04:42,816
hacky black poems.
107
00:04:42,857 --> 00:04:45,892
And I even did one myself,
which is pretty hilarious,
108
00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:47,627
I'll show it to you
in its entirety.
109
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Here's the one I did.
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
111
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:04,070
White people do this
112
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:08,842
black people
black people do that
113
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:15,348
and white people's power
goes off they panic
114
00:05:15,389 --> 00:05:20,554
when black people's
power goes off they plan it
115
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we'll take a quick
commercial break,
116
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but don't go anywhere.
117
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:29,229
We have more of our
greatest misses coming up.
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Whoo.
119
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,703
Hey gang, welcome back.
120
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,779
Now, let's see, how can
I describe this sketch.
121
00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:41,473
It was a "Frontline" piece,
122
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:44,117
much like we did
the Clayton Bigsby piece,
123
00:05:44,118 --> 00:05:47,587
we wrote this one when they had
opened the first public school
124
00:05:47,588 --> 00:05:50,150
for all-gay students,
125
00:05:50,191 --> 00:05:52,318
and we were like,
okay America's freaking out now,
126
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,486
like, about the gay thing, like,
127
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:55,829
so we thought
what if it was, like,
128
00:05:55,830 --> 00:05:58,431
so segregated that there
became two Americas:
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00:05:58,432 --> 00:06:00,993
It was a gay America
and a straight America.
130
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:05,332
And that was the premise
of the sketch.
131
00:06:05,373 --> 00:06:07,107
Cities like San Francisco
132
00:06:07,108 --> 00:06:09,276
even offer special
municipal services,
133
00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:11,878
like this gay department
of motor vehicles.
134
00:06:11,879 --> 00:06:14,481
Honey, with those cheekbones,
you're a natural!
135
00:06:14,482 --> 00:06:15,782
Now just
stand there.
136
00:06:15,783 --> 00:06:17,043
That's right.
137
00:06:17,084 --> 00:06:18,385
Put your head back
a little bit.
138
00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:19,686
Let's get that
great big smile.
139
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:20,553
Let's see those
pearly whites.
140
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,249
Hold it, hold it.
141
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:26,152
Congratulations, your license
plate is so ready.
142
00:06:26,193 --> 00:06:28,755
(laughing)
143
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,960
It was funny.
144
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,735
I mean, we were just
messing around.
145
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You know,
just having fun.
146
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All right.
147
00:06:40,074 --> 00:06:41,808
But it gets worse, like,
we keep going on like this.
148
00:06:41,809 --> 00:06:43,543
Okay, so there's
a gay DMV,
149
00:06:43,544 --> 00:06:46,105
what else can we just
make, like, a gay version of?
150
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,013
And then we just went to town
151
00:06:47,014 --> 00:06:49,141
with, like, the gay version
of things.
152
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,443
For instance...
153
00:06:50,484 --> 00:06:52,584
every aspect
of American life
154
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is being affected
by the culture.
155
00:06:54,388 --> 00:06:56,078
There are
gay butchers.
156
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,251
Gay landscapers.
157
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,854
Ass tits
ass and tits
158
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,023
ass and tits
to the...
159
00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:05,625
(laughing)
160
00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:07,834
Just for fun, can we see
that guy again.
161
00:07:07,835 --> 00:07:09,569
That shit was
very funny to me.
162
00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:12,132
Ass tits
ass and tits
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ass and tits
to the...
164
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:17,377
here's where we start
spinning out of control.
165
00:07:17,378 --> 00:07:19,939
All right, this next one
was offensive,
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not only to gay people
but black people.
167
00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:24,317
And if you're
a gay black person
168
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,446
then you'll get doubly mad,
169
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,221
but it was all in
the spirit of fun.
170
00:07:28,222 --> 00:07:29,956
I thought... I still
think it's funny.
171
00:07:29,957 --> 00:07:32,518
All right,
go ahead and show the clip.
172
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,988
Here in Huntsfield, Alabama,
amazingly, they have started
173
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,025
a gay chapter of
the Klu Klux Klan.
174
00:07:39,066 --> 00:07:42,495
Oh, it's hot
like the dickens.
175
00:07:42,536 --> 00:07:44,270
As I was saying
at brunch
176
00:07:44,271 --> 00:07:45,966
and we hate too, okay.
177
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:50,737
But we do it a special way,
we do it with compassion.
178
00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:53,773
Good morning,
I'm with the K.K.K.
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00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:55,982
We had a meeting
and we were talking
180
00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:57,717
and we'd be more comfortable
181
00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:59,886
if you guys left
the neighborhood.
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00:07:59,887 --> 00:08:05,051
Have you considered going
back to Africa?
183
00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:08,955
All right.
184
00:08:08,996 --> 00:08:12,032
Now, this next piece
was the piece that started
185
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the whole she-bang-a-bang.
186
00:08:14,635 --> 00:08:16,328
This was the first premise
that led to this
187
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,669
gay America sketch.
188
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:19,839
This actually was
Charlie Murphy's idea.
189
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,876
He called and was like
I got this funny idea
190
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,207
for a sketch, man.
191
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:29,342
And he told me, he told Neal,
and we just ran with it.
192
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,876
This is the most splendiferus,
193
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:36,282
specutacious monumental event
in the history of the world,
194
00:08:36,323 --> 00:08:40,620
professional boxing
with all-gay fighters.
195
00:08:40,661 --> 00:08:43,656
I call that
"Friday Night Sissy Fights"
196
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:46,127
and it's on
none other than HBO.
197
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,862
On my right,
"The Bathhouse Roller,"
198
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:53,199
none other than
Sweet Butch Roberts.
199
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,709
Look at that footwork, it looks
better than a schoolgirl.
200
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,405
Man, he's gay.
201
00:08:58,446 --> 00:09:02,308
And to my left,
"The Tyrannical Tea-bagger"
202
00:09:02,349 --> 00:09:04,911
none other than
Reggie Blazer.
203
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:09,682
He's weighing
himself in as we speak.
204
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:12,719
Uh-uh, uh-uh,
this scale is broke.
205
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,361
Cheater, didn't I tell you
to fix this scale.
206
00:09:15,362 --> 00:09:19,225
And what you looking at
with your ashy-ass lips?
207
00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:20,546
Whatever, fat-ass.
208
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,129
I love it!
209
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,467
(squealing)
210
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,411
On that note, we're actually
gonna take a commercial break,
211
00:09:31,412 --> 00:09:32,682
don't go nowhere.
212
00:09:32,713 --> 00:09:36,576
We'll be right back with more
of our greatest misses.
213
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,581
Man, I'm bored.
214
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:44,184
I gotta go to
the Chappelle Show.
215
00:09:44,225 --> 00:09:46,915
All right,
welcome back, welcome back.
216
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,690
All right.
217
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:56,763
This next one might be my
favorite failure of all times.
218
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,405
Now, last season we did this
sketch called
219
00:09:59,406 --> 00:10:01,141
"The Player Haters Ball,"
220
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,309
wasn't our
most popular sketch,
221
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:05,003
but it was just one
of my favorites.
222
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:06,305
It was just very silly.
223
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,647
So we said let's
bring 'em back,
224
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,341
but lets try to
do something different,
225
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,076
up the ante a little bit.
226
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,286
So, it starts out that
the player haters
227
00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:15,415
are having a science fair.
228
00:10:15,456 --> 00:10:19,319
All right,
go ahead, go ahead.
229
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,788
Furthermore, my wave machine
can create enough energy
230
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,865
to power most
medium-sized homes with ease.
231
00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:27,560
Thank you, bitches.
232
00:10:27,601 --> 00:10:29,335
When you said wave machine,
233
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:31,504
I thought you was talking
about something that could
234
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,066
repair that catastrophe
you call a hairstyle.
235
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,037
Buck Nasty, you are so dark
236
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:39,312
when you touch yourself
it's like black-on-black crime.
237
00:10:39,313 --> 00:10:41,441
(laughing)
238
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:48,381
Right, so, so far
so good.
239
00:10:48,422 --> 00:10:51,416
It has all the elements of
the old sketch that we loved.
240
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,626
There's jheri curl juice
snapping, going back and forth.
241
00:10:53,627 --> 00:10:56,188
All right, here's where
it starts getting
242
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,490
a little weird.
243
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,265
(ringing gong)
Attention.
244
00:10:59,266 --> 00:11:05,732
I brought to you bitches,
my great invention yet,
245
00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,768
a time machine.
246
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,371
(dinging gong)
247
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:17,010
So now the premise
is that they travel through time
248
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,612
and hate on people.
249
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:23,082
Now, that's, that's not
a bad premise,
250
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,593
but somehow it just
didn't come together right.
251
00:11:26,594 --> 00:11:27,894
Let's see what happens.
252
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,930
First, they go back
and I think they fuck up Hitler.
253
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:35,228
(slow and distorted voices)
254
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,940
Hitler, fuck you!
255
00:11:46,981 --> 00:11:50,843
Hitler momma got one big titty
and one little titty,
256
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:54,747
and they call the bitch
biggie smalls.
257
00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:58,258
All right, so the crowd's
still kind of with us.
258
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,254
And now we take
'em to the 1840s.
259
00:12:01,295 --> 00:12:03,029
Let's see how that
hate works out.
260
00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:04,724
Good God!
261
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,327
Incarcerated
African-Americans.
262
00:12:07,368 --> 00:12:09,495
Slavery, if you will.
263
00:12:09,536 --> 00:12:14,267
These men here work for
the minimumest of wages:
264
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:18,171
Grits and tattered clothes.
265
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,340
Lookey here, man,
266
00:12:20,381 --> 00:12:22,941
them lames ain't even
got no shoes on, Jack.
267
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,979
I could never
go out like that.
268
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:29,015
Buck Nasty,
have some respect.
269
00:12:29,056 --> 00:12:33,353
One of these men could be
your great-granddaddy.
270
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,823
(laughing)
271
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,366
All right.
272
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:48,141
All right, Charlie
was definitely funny,
273
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,310
'cause every time we do
Buck Nasty, right,
274
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,437
like, he'll be sittin' in
the back of the time machine
275
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,515
and as soon as they say
"okay, roll sound"
276
00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:57,643
Charlie'd get
to shaking like this.
277
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,379
He'd start...
278
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:00,720
all right, just
show 'em, like,
279
00:13:00,721 --> 00:13:03,756
just give 'em an example of
what it's like to shoot this.
280
00:13:03,757 --> 00:13:05,517
(Chappelle)
From doctors?
281
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:06,755
(man)
Yeah.
282
00:13:06,794 --> 00:13:08,054
All right, ready?
283
00:13:08,095 --> 00:13:11,958
Roll sound.
284
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,011
It was killing me...
285
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,312
all right, but I'm
getting off the point now.
286
00:13:26,313 --> 00:13:27,583
Let's keep going.
287
00:13:27,614 --> 00:13:31,951
Now, so the now time hater's
they're in slavery times, right,
288
00:13:31,952 --> 00:13:34,987
and stuff is still kinda going
good in the sketch...
289
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,148
okay, okay,
keep just, keep...
290
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,458
let it play out.
291
00:13:38,459 --> 00:13:40,193
Let's see
what's happening.
292
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:44,056
(Silky Johnson) Uh-oh, fellas,
looks as though we have company.
293
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,265
What the hell are you
niggras doin' out here?
294
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:48,394
We are the time haters,
295
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,863
we traveled all the way
back through time...
296
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,467
to call you a cracker.
297
00:13:54,508 --> 00:13:56,242
You better
watch your mouth.
298
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:58,845
Actually, you better
watch your mouth, white boy,
299
00:13:58,846 --> 00:14:01,013
before I put these gators
up your ass
300
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:03,182
and show your
insides some style.
301
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:05,745
Enough!
302
00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:09,649
I can't be
no slave, Silky.
303
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,553
Oh, good God.
304
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:17,457
Look, Silky,
he done pulled out a whip.
305
00:14:17,498 --> 00:14:19,192
Nice whip.
306
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:22,228
This here is a pistol.
307
00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:24,397
Reach for the sky,
honky.
308
00:14:24,438 --> 00:14:26,566
Honky?
309
00:14:26,607 --> 00:14:31,771
Honky is a racial epithet
used for white people,
310
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,847
was made popular by
a man named George Jefferson
311
00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:36,542
in the 1970s.
312
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,276
You see, he
and his wife, Weezy,
313
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,619
had a dry cleaning business,
314
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,788
so they moved on up
to the east side,
315
00:14:41,789 --> 00:14:44,784
to a deluxe
apartment in the sky.
316
00:14:44,825 --> 00:14:48,254
They finally got
a piece of the pie.
317
00:14:48,295 --> 00:14:51,290
Convoluted story, I'll admit,
318
00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:53,025
but the point
is this:
319
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:57,797
That in the future all
black people will be free.
320
00:14:57,838 --> 00:14:59,532
In a second, all right,
321
00:14:59,573 --> 00:15:01,307
this is what stopped
the whole show.
322
00:15:01,308 --> 00:15:03,001
This stopped...
I mean, literally,
323
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:06,078
this whole episode came to a
screeching halt right here.
324
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:09,219
As a matter of fact,
I predict this episode
325
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,284
will come to a screeching halt
right now.
326
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,979
But I'll show it.
327
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,754
When's we
gonna be free?
328
00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:18,618
That is a good question,
my man...
329
00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:19,989
how about now-ish?
330
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,220
(gunshot)
331
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:24,690
(gunshot)
332
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,161
(gunshot)
333
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:32,972
Apparently, shooting
a slave master
334
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,968
isn't funny to
anybody but me and Neal.
335
00:15:36,009 --> 00:15:37,703
(laughing)
336
00:15:37,744 --> 00:15:41,174
If I could, I'd do it
every episode.
337
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,909
So that was that one.
338
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:47,246
Now, this next one,
the premise again,
339
00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:50,317
funny premise,
it's about a dating service
340
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,058
where you tell 'em what
kind of girls you like,
341
00:15:52,059 --> 00:15:54,227
and they'll send dudes to
just go out to malls and stuff
342
00:15:54,228 --> 00:15:56,789
and "holler at bitches"
for ya.
343
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,524
Now...
344
00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:01,127
not so bad, right?
345
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,336
Go ahead and just show 'em
the set up.
346
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,505
(woman) In a matter of seconds,
we'll beam your information
347
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,107
to one of our skilled
field technicians.
348
00:16:08,108 --> 00:16:09,368
Hey, hey, hey.
349
00:16:09,409 --> 00:16:10,276
Can I holler,
can I holler at you?
350
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:11,777
Can I holler at you?
351
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,312
Can I holler, holler, holler,
holler, holler, holler...
352
00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:15,007
holler at you.
353
00:16:15,048 --> 00:16:16,349
What's wrong
with ya?
354
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,650
That dude is
hilarious to us.
355
00:16:17,651 --> 00:16:19,385
His name's Anthony Barry,
356
00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:21,554
and I mean,
everything he says is funny.
357
00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:23,682
And in the course of
shooting this sketch,
358
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,024
we figured out he
could do this.
359
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:25,892
So we were,
like, just do that.
360
00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:27,193
And we just filmed
him doing it.
361
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:30,229
This is what he did that
had us cracking up in editing.
362
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:31,531
Holler, holler, holler...
363
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:37,563
holler, holler, holler...
364
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,732
holler, holler, holler...
365
00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:41,073
let me holler at you,
let me holler at you...
366
00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:47,540
holler, holler, holler...
367
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,086
I'm hollerin' at ya, bitch,
don't ya hear me?
368
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:55,388
Bitch, I'm hollerin' at you.
369
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,689
Holler, holler, holler
at you,
370
00:16:56,690 --> 00:16:57,557
holler, holler, holler...
371
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,159
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break,
372
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,894
we'll be right back,
we'll be right back.
373
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,023
(applauding)
374
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:09,295
Turn on your TV
what you gonna see?
375
00:17:09,336 --> 00:17:12,765
Tonight's musical guest,
376
00:17:12,806 --> 00:17:18,838
make some noise for Kanye West,
Mos Def, and Freeway.
377
00:17:18,879 --> 00:17:21,047
Brooklyn stand up
Lafayette Gardens
378
00:17:21,048 --> 00:17:23,215
we in the streets playa
getcha mail
379
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,951
it's only two
places you end up
380
00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:26,252
either dead
or in jail
381
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,947
still nowhere to go
382
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,416
Yeah, yeah, you guessed
still nowhere to go
383
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:34,887
now throw ya hands up
hustlers, bustas, boostas,
384
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,056
hoe, everybody fuck that
385
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,225
still nowhere to go
Brazil
386
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,000
Yeah, yeah., Yeah, yeah, yeah
still nowhere to go
387
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:42,261
keep it real
388
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:43,563
Mos Def
389
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,338
now check it,
two words: "United States"
390
00:17:45,339 --> 00:17:46,639
no love, no brakes
391
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,241
low brow, high stakes,
crack smoke, black folks
392
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,543
big macs, fat folks
393
00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:53,134
ecstasy capsules,
Presidenial scandals
394
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:54,840
everybody move
395
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,483
two words, Mos Def,
K. West, hot shit
396
00:17:57,484 --> 00:18:00,519
calm down, get back,
ghetto people got this
397
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,122
game ball, lock shit,
dump off, cock shit
398
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,423
we won't
stop shit
399
00:18:04,424 --> 00:18:05,685
everybody move
400
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:09,589
two words, B.K., N.Y.,
Bedstuy, too hard
401
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,756
too hungry,
too many, that's why
402
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,099
these streets know game
403
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,094
can't ball, don't play,
every traffic one lane
404
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,396
everybody move
405
00:18:17,437 --> 00:18:20,039
two words, Mos Def,
K. West, hot shit
406
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,034
calm down, get back,
ghetto people got this
407
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,425
game point lock,
long pump cocked
408
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,979
we won't ever
see the rock
409
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,674
everybody move
410
00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:31,317
now throw ya hands up
hustlers, bustas, boostas
411
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,879
hoe, everybody fuck that
412
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,221
still nowhere
to go
413
00:18:35,222 --> 00:18:36,522
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah
414
00:18:36,523 --> 00:18:39,085
still nowhere to go
415
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:42,555
now keep ya hands
up hustlers, bustas, boostas
416
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,739
hoe, everybody
fuck that
417
00:18:44,765 --> 00:18:46,459
still nowhere to go
418
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
419
00:18:47,801 --> 00:18:50,796
Still nowhere to go
420
00:18:50,837 --> 00:18:53,873
aey-yo, two words, chi town,
south side, world wide
421
00:18:53,874 --> 00:18:56,869
'cause I rep? That
'til I fuckin' die
422
00:18:56,910 --> 00:18:59,512
one neck, two chains,
one waist, two gats
423
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,023
one wall,
20 plaques
424
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,548
dudes say, "gimme that?"
425
00:19:02,549 --> 00:19:05,119
I am limelight,
blueprint, five mics
426
00:19:05,152 --> 00:19:08,187
go get his rhyme like shoulda
been signed twice?
427
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:10,750
Most imitated,
grammy nominated
428
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:13,731
hotel accommodated,
cheerleader, prom dated
429
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,429
barbershop, playa hated,
mom and pop bootlegged it
430
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:19,424
felt like it rained 'til
the roof caved in
431
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:22,028
two words,
chi town raised me crazy
432
00:19:22,069 --> 00:19:24,849
I live by two words,
fuck you, pay me
433
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,233
screamin'
Jesus save me
434
00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:29,008
you know how the game be
435
00:19:29,009 --> 00:19:30,309
I can't let em
change me
436
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:33,739
'cause on judgment day
you gonna blame me
437
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,133
look God
it's the same me
438
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,984
basically know now we
get racially profiled
439
00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:42,414
cuffed up and hosed down,
pimped up and hoe down
440
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,623
plus I got a whole
city to hold down
441
00:19:44,624 --> 00:19:47,226
from the bottom to the top
the only place to go down
442
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:50,262
and throw ya hands
up hustlers, bustas, boostas
443
00:19:50,263 --> 00:19:52,391
hoe, everybody
fuck that
444
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:53,733
still nowhere to go
445
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,427
Yeah, yeah., yeah,
Yeah, yeah., yeah
446
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,769
still nowhere to go
447
00:19:56,770 --> 00:19:58,464
free-way in
the block
448
00:19:58,505 --> 00:20:01,500
two words: Freeway,
two letters: A-R
449
00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:03,709
turn y'all
rap into two words
450
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:04,970
fast runners
451
00:20:05,011 --> 00:20:07,572
like Jackie Jurner you better
sleep with your burner
452
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:09,782
the heat skeet
blow a reef through ya car
453
00:20:09,783 --> 00:20:11,477
my God, two words
454
00:20:11,518 --> 00:20:14,120
no guns, break arms,
break necks, break backs
455
00:20:14,121 --> 00:20:15,631
Steven Segal, is free
456
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,023
the young bars,
fresh men of the rock
457
00:20:18,024 --> 00:20:19,718
when the beef in the pot
458
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,494
Jay sent for his dogs
to brawl
459
00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:23,662
forget ya squad,
let 'em fend for yourself
460
00:20:23,663 --> 00:20:26,699
have you screamin' out four
words "send for the law"
461
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:30,129
two words,
Freeway's slightly retarded
462
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:32,338
mess around throw a clip
in your artist
463
00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:33,639
leave with
his broad
464
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,334
...get back
465
00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:37,937
calm down,
get back...
466
00:20:37,978 --> 00:20:40,106
yeah
467
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,576
(applause)
468
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,744
I'd like to thank
my musical guests.
469
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,520
I'd like to thank each
and everyone of y'all
470
00:20:47,521 --> 00:20:49,648
for being here.
471
00:20:49,689 --> 00:20:51,857
I'd like to thank you
at home for watching.
472
00:20:51,858 --> 00:20:54,460
I'll see you next week,
good night.
473
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,589
(cheering)
474
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,269
I'm rich biatch.
475
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,268
(horn honking)
476
00:21:02,269 --> 00:21:04,830
Hi,
thank you.
477
00:21:04,871 --> 00:21:08,300
Like BET, the network
will also air sitcoms
478
00:21:08,341 --> 00:21:10,469
such as
Gay Sanford and Son.
479
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:12,244
I gave that money
back to the church.
480
00:21:12,245 --> 00:21:13,979
It's the right thing to do.
481
00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:18,711
Lamont, you big
gay dummy!
482
00:21:18,752 --> 00:21:20,446
Oh, gay pop.
483
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,482
Come on, gay Julio.
484
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:27,386
Adios, Mr. Sanford.
485
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:31,290
This is
the big gay one!
486
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,459
Why they dicks so small
488
00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:44,766
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