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- {\an5}♪ Chappelle's show ♪
- ♪ Chappelle's show ♪
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♪ Ow! ♪
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♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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{\an1}[announcer] Dave Chappelle!
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What's up!
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[chuckling]
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Oh, man.
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What's poppin', y'all?
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- I don't know
- if you guys know this,
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but my favorite TV show
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is comin' back on the air.
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{\an1}It's called Making the Band.
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Whoo, it's a beast!
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{\an1}Puff Daddy takes five people
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{\an1}and puts 'em in a house together
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- and makes 'em cut a record
- for Bad Boy.
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They argue, they fight.
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Oh, the fights!
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The drama!
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- If you haven't seen
- the first season,
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- you don't know
- what I'm talkin' about.
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- Here's the highlights
- from the first season.
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{\an8}[hip-hop music]
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{\an8}[man] Congratulations.
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{\an8}Y'all made it
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{\an8}inside the house.
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{\an8}You did good.
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{\an7}Alright, this is what's up,
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{\an8}you can live here,
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{\an8}you can record here.
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{\an8}you can be
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{\an8}Bad Boy artists here,
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but if you wanna do it,
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{\an1}first y'all gotta walk to Queens
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and get me a sugar cookie.
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{\an8}A sugar cookie?
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{\an8}Man, this is crazy.
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We got it. Come on, man.
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Bad Boy.
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{\an8}A sugar cookie, man.
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{\an7}Look, this is not what I got in
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{\an7}the music business to be doing,
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{\an7}to be a sugar cookie-getter.
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You know, I'm a rapper.
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{\an1}Who are the five best rappers
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of all time?
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Think about it.
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Dylan, Dylan,
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Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan,
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because I spit hot fire.
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{\an1}That's a good-ass sugar cookie.
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You guys are official now.
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Welcome to Bad Boy.
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It's Bad Boy, baby.
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Can't stop. Won't stop.
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Uh-uh, uh-uh.
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- I'm sending y'all
- to the studio.
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- I want you to turn
- Daddy out a hit,
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- but I need you to be
- a family unit
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- and love each other,
- or this will never work.
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- That's right, man,
- that's right.
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Go out there
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and get Daddy a hit.
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I'm gonna take a nap.
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[audience laughing]
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[Dylan] What'd you do?
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[all shouting]
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- [woman] Let 'em fight!
- Let 'em fight!
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- {\an5}[all clamoring]
- [woman] Let them fight!
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- I'm shuttin'
- the studio down.
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[all scoff]
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- The only way I could keep
- the studio open
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is if y'all go out
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and walk through
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Northern New Jersey,
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get me a set of
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left-handed golf clubs.
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{\an8}I also need you to take
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{\an8}a picture with a midget
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holdin' these balloons.
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{\an1}Take a picture with a midget
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holdin' these balloons...
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Holdin' these balloons.
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You did it.
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- You went out,
- you found my man...
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You found a midget, man,
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and you got the pictures,
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you got the golf clubs.
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- {\an1}Here's the keys
- {\an1}to the studio.
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Now, if y'all excuse me,
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- I'm going scuba diving
- {\an1}with Chris Tucker and Aquaman.
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You be cool.
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Giddy-up.
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- {\an5}[people clamoring]
- [Dylan] Oh, my God!
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What's happening?
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{\an1}We're supposed to be a family.
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What are you doing?
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Not like this, man!
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- Y'all not workin'
- like a team.
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I gotta shut
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the studio down, yo.
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Alright, the only way
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{\an1}I'll open the studio up now,
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- y'all gotta walk Uptown
- to the Bronx
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and get breast milk
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{\an1}from a Cambodian immigrant.
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- I only drink
- the finest breast milks.
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- Go out there
- and milk a Cambodian.
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[sighs]
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It's 100% Cambodian, yo.
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It's the real shit.
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[bottles clinking]
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♪ Breast milk ♪
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♪ You made my day-ay ♪
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Not only am I gonna
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open the studio up,
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- I'm sendin' you in there
- with a legend.
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That's right,
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Wyclef, playboy.
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- {\an8}No disrespect,
- {\an7}I wanted to work with Wyclef
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{\an8}more than I wanted
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{\an8}to work with Puff.
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- {\an8}Yo, Dylan, you ready
- {\an8}to get it started, baby?
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- {\an1}[Dylan] Alright, here we go.
- [clears throat]
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♪ Bumbaclaat, bumbaclaat ♪
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{\an1}♪ Bumba, bumba, bumbaclaat ♪
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♪ A rump-un-tomp,
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A rump-un-ting ♪
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♪ A rumpa-tumpa-tump,
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A rump-un-sting ♪
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♪ I rip and I rhyme,
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I rhyme and I rip ♪
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♪ This is the way
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That Dylan spits ♪
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You... You tryin' to get
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some of this hot fire?
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- {\an1}We can either make this song
- or not make this song.
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You're too close, man!
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You're too close, man!
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{\an7}Hey, y'all gonna choke a legend?
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- {\an8}You don't think
- {\an8}I want to choke people?
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You can't just choke
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all your problems.
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This takes hard work.
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If I had my way,
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I'd never work.
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{\an1}I'd just stay home all day,
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watch Scarface 50 times,
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eat a turkey sandwich,
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{\an1}and have sex all fuckin' day.
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{\an1}Then I'd dress up like a clown
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{\an1}and surprise kids at schools.
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- Then I'd take a dump
- {\an1}in the back of a movie theater
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and just wait
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till somebody sat in it,
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hear it squish.
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That's funny to me.
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Then I'd paint, and read,
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and play violin.
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I'd climb the mountains
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and sing the songs
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that I like to sing.
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- But I don't got
- that kind of time.
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Playboy? Playboy?
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- {\an1}You just gonna comb
- {\an1}your hair, Playboy?
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{\an1}Sarah, you just gonna talk up
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all your anytime minutes?
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Is this anytime? huh?
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{\an1}Babs, you just gonna sit there
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{\an7}and chop onions right now, huh?
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Good time to chop onions?
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Look at this nigga.
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- You just gonna
- do your taxes, Ness?
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- {\an1}You just gonna sit there
- {\an1}and crunch numbers?
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{\an1}Huh? Is that hot?
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- {\an1}Is that what's goin' on
- {\an1}in the streets right now,
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your taxes?
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Alright, look.
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I got some good news,
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{\an1}and I got some bad news, y'all.
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The bad news
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- is that I'm shuttin' down
- the studio.
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The good news
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{\an1}is that I just saved a lot
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{\an1}of money on my car insurance.
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{\an1}Fonzworth, bring me a sandwich!
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[upbeat hip-hop music]
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He can fly, man.
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- He can fly.
- He believes in himself.
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♪ I like the way you move ♪
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Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh.
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♪ I like the way you move ♪
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[audience cheering
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[and applauding]
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- We gonna take
- {\an1}a quick commercial break, y'all.
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Don't go nowhere.
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- We'll be right back
- {\an1}with more Chappelle's Show.
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Ow! ♪
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Hey, everybody,
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welcome back.
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You know, folks,
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