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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:09,200 [insects chirping] 2 00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:16,800 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:42,300 [water laps] 4 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,233 ["Down With the Trumpets" by Rizzle Kicks plays] 5 00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:57,600 * Yo, you might hear me make a racket like Wilson * 6 00:00:57,733 --> 00:01:00,100 * 'Cause I love summer, no Rachel Bilson * 7 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:01,500 * Yes, the winter will come * 8 00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:03,700 * We just have parties inside it's still fun * 9 00:01:03,833 --> 00:01:05,133 * We're jammin', pump this, we're bangin' * 10 00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:06,633 * Change your boyfriend, let's have him * 11 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,067 * We're rowdy, girls make our judgement cloudy, * 12 00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:11,533 * But when the sun comes out, we're still alcys * 13 00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,833 * We don't wanna be lousy or shameless * 14 00:01:13,967 --> 00:01:15,833 * But we're running round like we're brainless * 15 00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:18,900 * Now I've got grass stains on my brand new white trainers * 16 00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:20,267 Oh! 17 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,467 You're disturbing the neighbours. 18 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,400 I was quite enjoying it, though. 19 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,733 I'm a good rapper, aren't I? 20 00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:27,700 No. 21 00:01:28,867 --> 00:01:31,200 [Lisa squeals] 22 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:32,433 [laughter] 23 00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:33,167 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 24 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,400 * Yeah, yeah * 25 00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:35,133 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 26 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,367 * Yeah, yeah * 27 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,167 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 28 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:38,433 * What * 29 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:39,367 * Get down with it, down with it * 30 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,667 * What * 31 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:41,433 * Let's get down with it, down with it * 32 00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:42,733 * What * 33 00:01:42,867 --> 00:01:43,467 * Let's get down with it, down with it * 34 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,700 * Yeah, yeah * 35 00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,100 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 36 00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:48,067 * When I get down * 37 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,067 * I get respect now * 38 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,967 * And when our tune drops * 39 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,467 * You know it makes your head bounce * 40 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,433 * Yeah, I move with the flow * 41 00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:02,200 * And when I enter the room it shows * 42 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,333 * I move sick when I dance * 43 00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:04,633 * And chicks wanna dance * 44 00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:06,367 * Moving, I move quick when I dance * 45 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:07,967 * At risk when I dance * 46 00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:11,067 * Just be careful you don't lose your chick when I dance * 47 00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:13,567 * That might just happen * 48 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,167 * So listen deep * 49 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:17,600 * Stick with your madam * 50 00:02:17,733 --> 00:02:20,767 [indistinct chatter] 51 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:21,600 [Lisa] Come on! 52 00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:22,833 [Pete] All right. 53 00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:23,567 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 54 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:24,800 * Yeah, yeah * 55 00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:25,533 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 56 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:26,767 * Yeah, yeah * 57 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:27,533 * Let's get down with the trumpets * 58 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:28,700 New York, Washington, 59 00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:30,867 then through the Blue Ridge Mountains, 60 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:34,667 to North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, then Miami! 61 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:35,667 [cheers and whoops] 62 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,067 A thousand miles of highway! 63 00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:38,400 Eight skanky motels. 64 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:39,233 [Pete] They're not that skanky. 65 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,067 Boom! 66 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,833 Bring it on! 67 00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:43,400 Listen, any more for any more. 68 00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:44,333 Cheers, mate. 69 00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:45,500 [slurring] I'd better not. 70 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,267 Gotta be in work early to leave early. 71 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,167 All right. 72 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,467 [kisses] 73 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,500 Lis. 74 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,833 Does it move round? 75 00:02:52,967 --> 00:02:54,700 I don't know. 76 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:56,367 Check then, go on. 77 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:57,200 Now? 78 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,067 Yes, now! 79 00:02:58,167 --> 00:02:59,533 No! 80 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,067 Everyone's gonna look! 81 00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:02,067 They're gonna look! 82 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:02,933 Oh my God, can you not watch? 83 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,367 [laughter] 84 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,600 Turn around! 85 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,233 I'm sorry, babe. 86 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,067 Sort him out! 87 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,067 Right. 88 00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:12,200 [Sara] Come on, it's serious. 89 00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:13,733 Come back here. 90 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,433 I think it does, I don't know. 91 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:19,367 [Friend] Let me have a go. 92 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,133 [indistinct chattering] 93 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:21,967 [Sara] Join in. 94 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:25,067 [laughs] Oh my! 95 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,300 [Friend] Do you feel that? 96 00:03:26,433 --> 00:03:28,833 Surely, do you want us to just leave you to it? 97 00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,100 No, I tell you what, mate, right? 98 00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:31,533 Stand up. 99 00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:32,733 Ah, now I'll have a rummage around your nuts. 100 00:03:32,867 --> 00:03:35,100 [laughter] 101 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,967 Donna, I need to leave early for a hospital appointment. 102 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,400 [whispers] No, you're not pregnant. 103 00:03:41,533 --> 00:03:43,600 [speaking normally] We cannot spare you. 104 00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:45,800 Don't take me to a tribunal for that. 105 00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:47,333 Go when you need to, I've asked Jack to put out 106 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:51,133 a couple more options for the cover. 107 00:03:51,267 --> 00:03:53,767 [phone rings] 108 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:03,233 [soft music plays] 109 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,433 Lis, Lis, Lis. 110 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:12,800 There's a nun over there, 111 00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:15,067 and she's reading Grazia. 112 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,167 Oh. 113 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,067 [book swats] 114 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:18,833 Every time. 115 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,467 [Lisa laughs] 116 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,433 Just position yourself there, 117 00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:26,567 and then move your gown. 118 00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:30,367 Place your left breast here. 119 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,067 I'm just gonna lower the machine. 120 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:38,267 Okay. 121 00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,667 Just stay there, I'm just gonna take a picture now. 122 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:42,500 Are you comfortable? 123 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:43,333 Yeah. 124 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:44,567 What was it like? 125 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:48,133 Like shoving your tit in a French door. 126 00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:57,200 [switches click] 127 00:04:57,333 --> 00:04:58,167 Okay. 128 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:03,067 Lisa, the shadow on the film, just there, 129 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,367 that's the lump that you can feel. 130 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,933 Okay? 131 00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:10,233 Now, I'm afraid it isn't a cyst. 132 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:14,067 The signs are consistent with breast cancer. 133 00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:19,100 So, this is what's gonna happen. 134 00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:21,833 Today, we'll take a biopsy, 135 00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:24,433 and that will tell us much more about exactly what it is 136 00:05:24,567 --> 00:05:25,967 that we're dealing with, 137 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:29,067 whether it's invasive or non-invasive. 138 00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:30,767 [soft music plays] 139 00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,367 And depending on the results of that biopsy, 140 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,200 may or may not need 141 00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:38,567 a course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. 142 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:39,533 All right? 143 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,567 But in either case, 144 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:46,300 because the lump is so large, yeah, 145 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:49,600 as you can see, it's really quite big. 146 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:55,967 I'm afraid there's no possibility of us saving the breast. 147 00:05:57,567 --> 00:06:01,067 So we will need to start by operating 148 00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,100 to remove the breast. 149 00:06:03,233 --> 00:06:06,100 Okay, look, I'm gonna leave you two guys alone 150 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,300 for a little bit, okay, just a couple of minutes, 151 00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:09,733 so you can gather your thoughts, 152 00:06:09,867 --> 00:06:11,833 and if you have any questions, you can ask me 153 00:06:11,967 --> 00:06:13,567 when I come back. 154 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:14,500 Okay? 155 00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:16,067 It won't be long. 156 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:28,667 The holiday. 157 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,500 I'll deal with that. 158 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:39,700 My parents. 159 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,767 I'll give 'em a call. 160 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,533 So now, this is the biopsy gun. 161 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:48,533 I want you to keep your right arm 162 00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:50,300 underneath your back, yeah. 163 00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:51,767 So nothing to be frightened of, 164 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,167 but I just want you to try and keep as still as possible. 165 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,067 Okay. 166 00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,333 All right, here we go. 167 00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:57,467 Oh! 168 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,567 [Doctor] Relax, relax. 169 00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:00,467 [gun clacks] 170 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,900 Oh! 171 00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:02,733 [Doctor] Okay? 172 00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:03,567 [Lisa] Yay. 173 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:04,400 Good, all done. 174 00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:05,300 You're all done. 175 00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:06,833 All finished, yeah? 176 00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:08,200 [kisses] Well done, darling. 177 00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:11,733 [soft piano music plays] 178 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,233 [Lisa sighs] 179 00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:28,267 Hello, mate, it's Pete. 180 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:32,800 Listen, I need to take some time off work, right away. 181 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:34,767 Well, it's my wife. 182 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:38,633 She, she's been diagnosed with breast cancer. 183 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,067 [water gurgles] 184 00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:44,900 [doorbell rings] 185 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:50,133 [door clicks, squeals] 186 00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:51,967 [soft music plays] 187 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:52,933 Come on. 188 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,233 Hey. 189 00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:57,633 I'm all right. 190 00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:02,133 I'm all right, you're doing me no good! 191 00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:03,333 [whispers] Lis, Lis, Lis. 192 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,800 [kisses] 193 00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:06,633 Don't, oh, I smell bad. 194 00:08:06,767 --> 00:08:07,833 I know! 195 00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:11,100 Hi, arseface, come on, get in. 196 00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:11,933 [door shuts] 197 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,400 Kylie Minogue. 198 00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:20,833 Olivia Newton-John. 199 00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:28,133 Oh, and that other one, you, oh. 200 00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:31,067 Oh, God, you know the one, who... 201 00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:33,733 She used to be in... 202 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,333 Turns out that she's- 203 00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,233 Cynthia Nixon? 204 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:39,300 Cynthia Nixon! 205 00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:40,300 Nixon, there you are. 206 00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,167 But she's fine now! 207 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,133 She's on Broadway now. 208 00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,267 [Lisa] Oh. 209 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,533 Now, unfortunately, the biopsy confirmed 210 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:54,500 that the cancer is invasive. 211 00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,667 [Pete sighs] 212 00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:00,600 The tumour is around five centimetres in length, 213 00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:02,800 which means that we're looking at a stage two 214 00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:05,167 or a stage three cancer, depending on whether or not 215 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,367 there's been a spread into the lymph nodes. 216 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,300 Ah, how many stages are there? 217 00:09:09,433 --> 00:09:10,133 Four. 218 00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:11,100 Oh God. 219 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,600 So, what do we do? 220 00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:19,500 Don't Google. 221 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:20,733 Okay. 222 00:09:20,867 --> 00:09:21,933 There's a lot of rubbish about, 223 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,867 and it's only gonna frighten you. 224 00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:24,833 All right? 225 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,067 Now, we'll do the operation first. 226 00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:33,667 And what I do is what we call a skin sparing mastectomy, 227 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,767 which means that I remove the nipple, yeah, 228 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,500 take out the breast tissue, 229 00:09:38,633 --> 00:09:41,067 but the skin itself will be saved. 230 00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:44,300 And then we'll borrow some muscle and skin from your back 231 00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:46,200 to help with the reconstruction. 232 00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:47,167 Jamie. 233 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:51,400 My brother, my brother's getting married in five months, 234 00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:52,467 I won't be able to go. 235 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,433 How? 236 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,967 I mean, how could this possibly be? 237 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,433 I mean, I'm 52, I'm screened 238 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,767 because I'm supposed to be at risk, 239 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:03,833 and you're 28, and they're telling me 240 00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:06,000 you've got breast cancer? 241 00:10:06,133 --> 00:10:07,467 -How can it be- -Mum, please. 242 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,500 [Jane] One minute, and a huge, invasive tumour the next? 243 00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:10,700 Please. 244 00:10:10,833 --> 00:10:12,000 You know, I just think it's appalling 245 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,400 that nobody picked this up. 246 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,500 I've never heard of this, have you, Ian, never! 247 00:10:17,633 --> 00:10:18,800 [Ian] No, never. 248 00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,900 A girl of your age, getting breast cancer? 249 00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:23,100 Stop, stop it now, please! 250 00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:25,100 I cannot do this. 251 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,700 I cannot handle seeing you like this! 252 00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:30,000 Carry on like this, carry on as you are, 253 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:33,167 and I will deal with all of this on my own. 254 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,933 Or you can just pack it in now, 255 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,100 and do it with me. 256 00:10:37,233 --> 00:10:39,100 [dramatic music] 257 00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:40,033 I'm sorry. 258 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,467 [ball slams] 259 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:49,233 [iron hisses] 260 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,800 [clothes rustle] 261 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,600 [sander grinds] 262 00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:00,500 [hand slams] 263 00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:02,400 [noises clamour] 264 00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:03,233 [door slams] 265 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:05,067 [Lisa sighs] 266 00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:08,433 [Lisa breathes heavily] 267 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:33,267 [Lisa sighs, clears throat] 268 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,067 [keys clacking] 269 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:48,733 On my list of things to do before I'm 30, 270 00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:54,933 I hadn't factored in beating breast cancer. 271 00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:56,867 But them's the breaks. 272 00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,633 I can't be the only 20-something in the world 273 00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:02,733 who's had a breast cancer diagnosis. 274 00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:06,300 But I am probably the one with the biggest gob. 275 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:09,500 So, I'm going to write my way through 276 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,167 The Bullshit, 277 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,533 and come out standing tall in a pair of Louboutins 278 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,700 on the other side. 279 00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,067 [Lisa sighs] 280 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:24,933 [mouse clicks] 281 00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:26,333 [laptop shuts] 282 00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:27,800 [Lisa sighs] 283 00:12:27,933 --> 00:12:29,067 What blog? 284 00:12:29,133 --> 00:12:30,133 [Sara] The wife has started a blog. 285 00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:31,067 [Jamie] What about? 286 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,967 The Bullshit. 287 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,233 That's where it's all going. 288 00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:38,833 Everything I feel, everything I want to say. 289 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,333 I'm gonna send the link 'round to all my friends, 290 00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,500 which means the rest of the time, 291 00:12:42,633 --> 00:12:44,500 we can talk about other things. 292 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,500 Wait, wait, hang on. [laughs] 293 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:49,967 This can't just be for your friends. 294 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,067 If you Google the word cancer- 295 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,900 No, dear, the doctor told us not to. 296 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,667 Google the word cancer, 297 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,767 and a thousand pages will come up tell you it's a gift. 298 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:00,667 A what? 299 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,633 A gift! 300 00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,133 Merry Christmas, happy birthday! 301 00:13:03,267 --> 00:13:05,100 You've got cancer, a gift, so I cross referenced, 302 00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:06,667 is lupus a gift? 303 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,900 Is multiple sclerosis a gift? 304 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:11,833 Is a vaginal prolapse a gift? 305 00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:13,433 Certainly is not a gift. 306 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:14,267 [laughs] Right. 307 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,100 [laughter] 308 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:16,067 Oh God! 309 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,433 Please, counteract some of the utter crap 310 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:24,333 that is out there, and make your blog public. 311 00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:26,833 Okay. 312 00:13:26,967 --> 00:13:28,067 Having an array of wigs lets you try on 313 00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:29,967 different identities in the bedroom. 314 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,100 [laughter] 315 00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:32,700 You didn't just say that, dad! 316 00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:33,533 [Ian] That's what we read! 317 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:34,367 Did we, Jane? 318 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,600 Well, well- 319 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:36,833 The family doctor told us not to, no, 320 00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:38,133 somebody actually said that, you know. 321 00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:39,067 As if the first thing that happens, you know, 322 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,400 when you get- 323 00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,067 The Bullshit. 324 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,300 The Bullshit is that you turn into Ann bloody Summers! 325 00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:45,267 [laughter] 326 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,533 -Give over. -[Jamie] Dad! 327 00:13:46,667 --> 00:13:47,800 [Ian] Sir, thank you very much, come on, 328 00:13:47,933 --> 00:13:49,100 let's have an order. 329 00:13:49,233 --> 00:13:51,133 Right, who's up for the results of the bulge? 330 00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,267 [Lisa] Being diagnosed with cancer is like being told 331 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,567 you've got 20 minutes to revise for an A Level 332 00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:57,767 in a language you've never learned. 333 00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,667 And if that weren't enough, consider the course materials, 334 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,267 packed with pink girliness, cutesy prettiness, 335 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,567 and woeful attempts at just us girls hem night style fun. 336 00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:11,467 Why is there so much bullshit about The Bullshit? 337 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,100 Where are the people telling it like it really is? 338 00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:14,933 [knocks] 339 00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,567 [door clicks, squeaks] 340 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,200 [Lisa laughs] 341 00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:21,400 Arseface. 342 00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:23,933 You all right, shithead? 343 00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:25,400 [Lisa] Well, what do you think? 344 00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:28,333 I'm calling it Alright Tit. 345 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:29,567 Yeah. 346 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,067 So come on, how are the wedding plans? 347 00:14:31,133 --> 00:14:32,467 It's ages away, isn't it? 348 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,467 I'm sorry about the timing, you know. 349 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,633 Don't want to interfere, mate. 350 00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:38,600 Well. 351 00:14:40,133 --> 00:14:41,200 You do have form. 352 00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,667 What form? 353 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,533 My next birthday, she falls off a bike. 354 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:46,500 Upstaged. 355 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:48,800 No one interested in my moonwalk, 356 00:14:48,933 --> 00:14:50,267 only interested in signing your cast. 357 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,500 Because your moonwalk was shite. 358 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:52,667 No, it wasn't. 359 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,667 It was really, really, really shit. 360 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,800 Glandular fever. 361 00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:56,267 That was during my A Levels. 362 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,500 Jamie, can you leave your geography coursework, 363 00:14:58,633 --> 00:15:00,433 come down and set the table, Lisa's got to rest 364 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,967 in front of Home and Away. 365 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:06,067 [Lisa laughs] 366 00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:09,367 Oh, I'm gonna be bald at the wedding. 367 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,067 That's all right. 368 00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:15,633 And in all the photos, that'd be nice. 369 00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:19,067 Bald, bloated, and one-titted. [laughs] 370 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:19,967 Okay. 371 00:15:22,633 --> 00:15:24,467 [Lisa] I'll still be there. 372 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,900 Of course you'll be there. 373 00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:28,533 I'm not gonna be going down any aisle without you. 374 00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,800 You won't be going down any aisle at all, muppet. 375 00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:32,967 You stand at the end, Leanne slowly walks down. 376 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,633 Doofus. [laughs] 377 00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:36,600 Right. 378 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:38,900 [whispers] Shit. 379 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,367 [Lisa] Stupid! 380 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,367 [crashing] 381 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,933 Ooh shit, now! [laughs] 382 00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:46,867 I love you. 383 00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:48,933 I love you too. 384 00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:49,900 Arseface. 385 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,133 Alright Tit. 386 00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:53,067 [soft music plays] 387 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,667 It's not bad. 388 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,600 Not bad? 389 00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:59,700 It's genius is what it- [grunts] 390 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,167 Getting everyone behind my tackling of The Bullshit 391 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,367 wasn't gonna be easy. 392 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,400 Driving home from the restaurant, we made further lists 393 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,867 of who to tell and how. 394 00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,433 Like a petulant child, I stared out the window, 395 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:15,067 seeking out other girls my age. 396 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,267 Why wasn't it you, I thought, as we passed 397 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,067 a happy looking 20-something, arm-in-arm with 398 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:23,200 her equally and nauseatingly happy looking boyfriend. 399 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,400 Why haven't you got this? 400 00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,067 I made a mental list of things I could've done 401 00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:30,600 to tip my karma in the wrong direction. 402 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:33,067 But drew blanks at teenage hair pulling, 403 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,867 exaggerating my CV, and stealing a carpet 404 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:39,867 from an Indian restaurant during pressures week. [laughs] 405 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,833 But even if I'd nicked every CD in my collection, 406 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,933 or cheated on every boyfriend I'd ever had, 407 00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:49,233 would that mean that I deserved to get cancer? 408 00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:52,333 I find myself actually looking forward to surgery next week. 409 00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:55,400 [soft music plays] 410 00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:59,900 [door shuts] 411 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,500 [Lisa laughs softly] 412 00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:04,467 For Jamie's wedding, just need a pair of Louboutins, 413 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,700 and then I'm set. [laughs] 414 00:17:06,833 --> 00:17:07,667 Babe. 415 00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:12,200 [door shuts] 416 00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:15,433 Listen, you know you don't have to... 417 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:19,167 You don't have to man up. 418 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,933 Just because I was crying like a baby. 419 00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:23,067 I'm not manning up. 420 00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,467 It's the end of my 20s. 421 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,600 It's the start of our marriage, and I'm not gonna let this 422 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:31,133 change me or take over our lives 423 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,933 for any longer than necessary. 424 00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,467 It's not getting any more than my hair, 425 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,533 and my tit. 426 00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:39,400 It's just- 427 00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:41,433 Look, I can't control this situation, 428 00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:45,800 except for how I handle it, and this is how I'm handling it. 429 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:46,767 Okay? 430 00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:56,500 Ann Weddington rung, 431 00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:57,767 couldn't find her pyjamas. 432 00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:58,733 Ah yeah. 433 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,867 Mum bought these for going into hospital. 434 00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:06,200 [dramatic music plays] 435 00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:12,800 [Lisa laughs] 436 00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:13,767 Better. 437 00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:19,300 [Lisa] I want this thing out of me. 438 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:22,067 Cut me open, take my nipple, take the lot, 439 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,067 scar me right up, just get it out! 440 00:18:26,767 --> 00:18:27,600 Ready? 441 00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:31,900 Okay. 442 00:18:33,967 --> 00:18:36,400 [kisses] 443 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,467 [Lisa groans] 444 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,700 [laughs] I'll be fine. 445 00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:40,533 Okay? 446 00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:41,467 See you soon. 447 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,833 [dramatic music plays] 448 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,200 Just like a couple of gin and tonics. 449 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:57,300 Needs more than a couple of gin and tonics 450 00:18:57,433 --> 00:18:59,167 to do anything to me. 451 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,733 [muffled breathing] 452 00:19:07,867 --> 00:19:09,733 [door creaks] 453 00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:10,967 It's all out. 454 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,367 It took longer than expected, 455 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,200 but the operation went really well, 456 00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:17,067 and it's all out. 457 00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:21,233 [laughter, relieved sighs] 458 00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:22,500 [Jamie] How is she? 459 00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:25,233 On morphine and whizzed off her tits. 460 00:19:25,367 --> 00:19:26,867 Well, tit. 461 00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,100 Go on, you go in first. 462 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,200 [knocks] 463 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,267 [electronic beeping] 464 00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:46,833 How's your tit? 465 00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:49,467 Hi, arseface. 466 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,933 [Jamie] How you feeling? 467 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:54,900 Amazing. 468 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,800 [Jamie laughs] 469 00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:00,267 Oh, can you do me a- 470 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,100 [Jamie] Yeah. 471 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,333 Can you do me a favour? 472 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,733 [Jamie] Yeah. 473 00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:08,133 Can you just check under here. 474 00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:08,967 [Jamie] Lisa? 475 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:09,800 Check under the cover. 476 00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:11,600 [Jamie] Of course! 477 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,233 Oh! 478 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:19,533 You bastard! [laughs] 479 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,800 ["Let's Push Things Forward" by The Streets plays] 480 00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:23,733 Dick! 481 00:20:23,867 --> 00:20:24,767 [Lisa] Stop making me laugh! 482 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,000 [Jamie] You blew it! 483 00:20:26,133 --> 00:20:27,600 [Lisa laughs] 484 00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:31,067 * This ain't the down, it's the upbeat, make it complete * 485 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,667 [Lisa] Lovely as it was to be so inundated 486 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,000 with well-wishers, it was my first taste of feeling 487 00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,067 like a museum exhibit. 488 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,767 A freak show to be viewed in single file. 489 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,367 Roll up, roll up, see the one-breasted woman. [laughs] 490 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,700 * And we'll have a little dance, shall we? * 491 00:20:47,833 --> 00:20:49,400 * No sales pitch, no media hype * 492 00:20:49,533 --> 00:20:51,433 Rather than play the part of the ill person, 493 00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:54,700 or feel self conscious about my new wonky chest, 494 00:20:54,833 --> 00:20:56,767 I gave the people what they wanted. 495 00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:59,467 Like cracking as many cancer jokes as I could. 496 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,333 "Whizzed off my tit" became a personal favourite, 497 00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:06,933 along with, "Ding, dong, the lump is dead." 498 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:09,400 So it did spread? 499 00:21:09,533 --> 00:21:10,767 It did. 500 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,233 To 24 out of 25 lymph nodes. 501 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,167 But that 25th was a cocky little bastard. 502 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:20,800 [soft laughter] 503 00:21:20,933 --> 00:21:22,067 It's all out, now. 504 00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:22,833 Well done, you. 505 00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:24,700 No, well done, you. 506 00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:29,100 I have to say. 507 00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:32,867 I am so impressed with the way you're handling all of this. 508 00:21:33,067 --> 00:21:33,700 [Lisa laughs softly] 509 00:21:33,833 --> 00:21:34,533 We all are. 510 00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:35,600 Oh, good. 511 00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:37,900 Wow, crikey. [laughs] 512 00:21:38,067 --> 00:21:39,600 I don't know about that. 513 00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:42,500 [soft laughter] 514 00:21:42,633 --> 00:21:43,467 Thank you. 515 00:21:44,833 --> 00:21:46,400 Bet you say that to all your patients, 516 00:21:46,533 --> 00:21:47,733 that's what I should've said! 517 00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:48,700 Oh no! 518 00:21:48,833 --> 00:21:49,400 [Pete] It's too late, babe. 519 00:21:49,533 --> 00:21:50,933 [Lisa] I know. 520 00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:51,633 Too late, think you've gotta go with your first answer. 521 00:21:51,767 --> 00:21:52,767 I'm so, well! 522 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,067 [Pete] What was that? 523 00:21:54,167 --> 00:21:56,067 Shush, I'm ill! 524 00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:59,567 [indistinct conversation] 525 00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:02,167 [Nurse] Now remember, there won't be a nipple, 526 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:04,667 but that'll be rebuilt after your chemotherapy 527 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,367 and your radiotherapy, 528 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,133 when we finish off your reconstruction. 529 00:22:09,267 --> 00:22:10,600 Okay. 530 00:22:10,733 --> 00:22:11,433 [indistinct] 531 00:22:11,567 --> 00:22:12,800 [Lisa laughs] 532 00:22:12,933 --> 00:22:13,733 [soft music plays] 533 00:22:13,867 --> 00:22:16,433 There we go, darling, that's it. 534 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:18,767 No, I can't! 535 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:21,567 I can't look, mum, mum, can you? 536 00:22:27,633 --> 00:22:28,333 What? 537 00:22:28,467 --> 00:22:29,600 My God. 538 00:22:29,733 --> 00:22:30,833 What is it? 539 00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:35,200 That is amazing! 540 00:22:36,533 --> 00:22:37,500 Thank you! 541 00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:38,367 You're very welcome. 542 00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:39,200 Ladies! 543 00:22:39,333 --> 00:22:40,067 [hands clap] 544 00:22:40,167 --> 00:22:41,167 Do I get a look? 545 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:42,733 -Yeah! [laughs] -Come up! 546 00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:44,067 [Pete] Sure? 547 00:22:49,067 --> 00:22:50,867 Well, say something. 548 00:22:51,067 --> 00:22:52,567 You know, I've been gearing up for some kind 549 00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,233 of horrible, purple, egg-shaped gash 550 00:22:54,367 --> 00:22:58,067 with bruising all around it, stitches poking out. 551 00:22:58,200 --> 00:22:59,067 [soft laughter] 552 00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:00,067 So I'm a bit disappointed. 553 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,800 [laughter] 554 00:23:01,933 --> 00:23:02,767 [Lisa] Oh! 555 00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:03,533 [Pete] [kisses] It looks great. 556 00:23:03,667 --> 00:23:04,833 [laughter] 557 00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,367 Now you've got an implant in there, 558 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:07,833 which will need to be pumped up slowly with saline, okay? 559 00:23:07,967 --> 00:23:09,767 It'll be gradually inflated over the next few weeks. 560 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:12,133 Oh, so I'll have two roughly equal sized knockers 561 00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:13,067 for Jamie's wedding. 562 00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:15,400 [laughter] 563 00:23:15,533 --> 00:23:17,567 That is what we're aiming for, yes? 564 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:20,100 [laughter] 565 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,400 Happy now? 566 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:22,367 [laughs] Yes, thank you! 567 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:23,967 Good! 568 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:24,933 Okay. 569 00:23:26,067 --> 00:23:28,767 Now, we've managed to have a closer look 570 00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:31,600 at the nature of the tumour, okay? 571 00:23:31,733 --> 00:23:33,867 It's more hormone receptive than we thought. 572 00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:34,900 Okay. 573 00:23:35,067 --> 00:23:36,967 It's also more aggressive. 574 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:39,800 Which means that we need to move fast on the chemo. 575 00:23:39,933 --> 00:23:40,900 All right? 576 00:23:41,067 --> 00:23:42,067 [whispers] Yeah. 577 00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:42,967 Yeah. 578 00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,967 The thing is, Lisa and Pete, 579 00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:50,233 chemo can stop your ovaries working for a while, yeah? 580 00:23:50,367 --> 00:23:51,833 So normally, with somebody with your age, 581 00:23:51,967 --> 00:23:54,433 we'd refer you to a fertility specialist 582 00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,733 to discuss the possibility of freezing embryos. 583 00:23:57,867 --> 00:23:58,700 Yeah. 584 00:24:00,233 --> 00:24:04,667 But in your case, it's not something that I would advise. 585 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:05,967 Okay? 586 00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:08,567 Because a course of IVF relies on pumping you 587 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:12,900 full of oestrogen, and that might accelerate the cancer. 588 00:24:13,067 --> 00:24:15,933 [speaking normally] So, I can't, I can't- 589 00:24:16,067 --> 00:24:18,867 [Doctor] I'm afraid it might be too dangerous 590 00:24:19,067 --> 00:24:20,500 for you to try. 591 00:24:20,633 --> 00:24:23,533 [soft music plays] 592 00:24:23,667 --> 00:24:24,667 [Lisa] So. 593 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,300 [scissors snip] 594 00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:29,267 So I guess we'll never get to meet Maisie Jean, 595 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,167 and Cameron Thomas Arthur. 596 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:33,267 Shame. 597 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,067 We spent ages thinking those up. 598 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:40,600 Turns out, oestrogen is my kryptonite. 599 00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:43,300 The no-kids clause. 600 00:24:44,433 --> 00:24:46,933 We didn't see that one coming. 601 00:24:48,067 --> 00:24:49,367 But dwelling any further on it right now 602 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,767 would be a bit like crying over conceding a penalty 603 00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:54,533 when you're already 10 knelt down. 604 00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:57,067 [Lisa sobs] 605 00:24:59,133 --> 00:25:01,867 [water gurgles] 606 00:25:07,433 --> 00:25:09,567 [sniffs] Oh, I'm sorry! 607 00:25:09,700 --> 00:25:11,900 Will you stop saying sorry? 608 00:25:12,067 --> 00:25:14,233 Plenty of us won't have kids of our own, you know. 609 00:25:14,367 --> 00:25:15,800 Not even plenty, probably half. 610 00:25:15,933 --> 00:25:17,133 Half of us won't. 611 00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:18,300 We'll end up leaving it too late 612 00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:20,267 to get off the starting blocks. 613 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,733 Do you really think if we stayed up in Derby, 614 00:25:21,867 --> 00:25:22,967 we'd be on to our third? 615 00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:23,933 Yeah! 616 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:26,600 But why waste your 20s doing that, 617 00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:28,067 when you could be tottering 'round London 618 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,567 in your high heels, getting shit faced. 619 00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:31,800 [Lisa laughs] 620 00:25:31,933 --> 00:25:34,733 All that matters is that you're here. 621 00:25:37,067 --> 00:25:38,500 It's just, Pete. 622 00:25:39,667 --> 00:25:40,933 I always thought he was a bit of a cocky twat, 623 00:25:41,067 --> 00:25:43,133 but you seem to like him. 624 00:25:44,333 --> 00:25:47,367 The only kind of life he's particular about 625 00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,200 is one with you. 626 00:25:49,333 --> 00:25:52,733 ["Get Miles" by Gomez plays] 627 00:25:52,867 --> 00:25:54,667 [Lisa] I've spent as long as I can remember 628 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,500 wishing I looked different. 629 00:25:56,633 --> 00:26:00,400 As a kid, I loathed my super curly, strawberry blonde, 630 00:26:00,533 --> 00:26:02,133 look a ginger hair. 631 00:26:02,267 --> 00:26:05,333 I was hardly blessed with a good set of lashes, either. 632 00:26:05,467 --> 00:26:07,833 Thing is, since diagnosis bullshit, 633 00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,100 I've felt more confident about my looks 634 00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:13,700 than I could ever remember feeling before. 635 00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:17,267 Maybe it was just my last hurrah before chemo did its worst, 636 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,467 but it made me wish I had the chance to go back 637 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,300 to my 13 year old self, give her a good shake, 638 00:26:22,433 --> 00:26:25,600 and tell her not to be so bloody self-conscious. 639 00:26:25,733 --> 00:26:26,700 I'm Lisa Lynch. 640 00:26:26,833 --> 00:26:29,200 I'm here to start chemo. 641 00:26:29,333 --> 00:26:33,100 Security to reception, we have an imposter. 642 00:26:33,233 --> 00:26:37,433 * Gonna head out towards the sea * 643 00:26:37,567 --> 00:26:39,267 It's not a day spa, 644 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,633 but it's not gonna be as bad as you were expecting. 645 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:49,833 [indistinct chattering] 646 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,233 Is everyone- 647 00:26:56,367 --> 00:26:58,533 Monday's breast, Tuesday's testicular, 648 00:26:58,667 --> 00:27:00,867 and Thursday's ovarian. 649 00:27:01,067 --> 00:27:05,100 If you just want to pop yourself down there, Lisa. 650 00:27:05,233 --> 00:27:07,267 You're having six rounds. 651 00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:09,100 Is that a lot? 652 00:27:09,233 --> 00:27:10,400 It's normal. 653 00:27:11,567 --> 00:27:12,500 And sure, you're young, 654 00:27:12,633 --> 00:27:13,600 [whispers] and you can take it. 655 00:27:13,733 --> 00:27:16,100 [Lisa laughs] 656 00:27:16,233 --> 00:27:16,933 [speaking normally] You know, chemo really does 657 00:27:17,067 --> 00:27:18,333 zap the bugger. 658 00:27:19,733 --> 00:27:23,800 Trouble with it is, is it zaps everything else as well. 659 00:27:24,933 --> 00:27:26,867 [Lisa] How do so many people do this? 660 00:27:27,067 --> 00:27:28,667 Just how have so many people managed it 661 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,267 and seen the other side? 662 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:31,367 [coughing] 663 00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:32,533 On the hottest day of the year, 664 00:27:32,667 --> 00:27:34,367 I should be sitting outside a pub, 665 00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:36,233 talking to my man and my mates, 666 00:27:36,367 --> 00:27:38,467 about who's gonna win X Factor, 667 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,733 and what Derby County's chances are for the next season. 668 00:27:42,867 --> 00:27:45,100 Instead, I'm craving a cold, dark room 669 00:27:45,233 --> 00:27:47,300 and a few hours' decent sleep. 670 00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:48,600 [keyboard clacking] 671 00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:50,233 Going through chemo has got to be the pinnacle 672 00:27:50,367 --> 00:27:51,467 of human endurance. 673 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,867 [laptop lid slams] 674 00:27:54,067 --> 00:27:57,700 To say nothing of the toll it takes on your ass. 675 00:27:57,833 --> 00:27:59,300 [Lisa sighs] 676 00:27:59,433 --> 00:28:02,067 [yelling] Pete, can you come here, please, quick! 677 00:28:02,167 --> 00:28:04,100 I want to show you something! 678 00:28:04,233 --> 00:28:05,433 [scoffs] It's amazing! 679 00:28:05,567 --> 00:28:07,067 You've had all day to move your bowels, 680 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,567 now it's match point! 681 00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:10,833 [TV chattering faintly] 682 00:28:10,967 --> 00:28:11,767 [door shuts] 683 00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,067 There, are we not flushing now? 684 00:28:13,133 --> 00:28:13,933 There isn't anything to flush. 685 00:28:14,067 --> 00:28:15,167 Can you hold this for me? 686 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:16,200 Nothing to flush, you've been in there forever. 687 00:28:16,333 --> 00:28:19,067 So somebody's written to me! 688 00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:21,233 [breathing heavily] Come here, quick! 689 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,667 [laughs] Shut up, she replied to my blog! 690 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:24,600 Look! 691 00:28:24,733 --> 00:28:27,367 "Dear Lisa, I like your blog. 692 00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:29,433 It's funny, and no shit." 693 00:28:29,567 --> 00:28:30,900 [Pete laughs] 694 00:28:31,067 --> 00:28:32,333 "It's true, the steroids make your ass harder to crap 695 00:28:32,467 --> 00:28:33,800 than the Da Vinci Code." 696 00:28:33,933 --> 00:28:35,100 She's funny! 697 00:28:35,233 --> 00:28:36,900 "I'm 25, I live in Brighton, 698 00:28:37,067 --> 00:28:39,367 though originally from Toronto. 699 00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:44,167 I'm a jazz pianist, and I have secondary breast cancer. 700 00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:45,567 You want to know the single best gift you can buy 701 00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:46,700 for a cancer patient? 702 00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:48,967 A giant-sized tub of Sudocrem." 703 00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:50,400 Sudocrem. 704 00:28:50,533 --> 00:28:52,400 Sudocrem is a thick, white barrier cream 705 00:28:52,533 --> 00:28:56,267 used for nappy rash! [laughs] 706 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:57,533 Nice. 707 00:28:57,667 --> 00:29:01,400 It lubricates the skin and prevents chafing. 708 00:29:01,533 --> 00:29:03,067 Do you want me to go and get you some- 709 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,233 Oh, oh, oh! 710 00:29:04,367 --> 00:29:05,433 Oh no! 711 00:29:05,567 --> 00:29:06,800 Oh, that may be, sorry! 712 00:29:06,933 --> 00:29:07,633 Oh! 713 00:29:07,767 --> 00:29:08,733 Ahh! 714 00:29:08,867 --> 00:29:11,333 -Pete! -[door slams] 715 00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:12,833 [Lisa groans] 716 00:29:12,967 --> 00:29:13,800 You okay? 717 00:29:13,933 --> 00:29:14,633 [Lisa] [yelling] Pete! 718 00:29:14,767 --> 00:29:15,900 Yes? 719 00:29:16,067 --> 00:29:16,767 [Lisa] Can you go to the kitchen quickly, please? 720 00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:18,067 Yes, what do you want? 721 00:29:18,133 --> 00:29:20,867 [Lisa] Could you get me olive oil? 722 00:29:21,067 --> 00:29:21,700 Olive oil? 723 00:29:21,833 --> 00:29:23,500 [Lisa] Yes, just get it. 724 00:29:23,633 --> 00:29:24,333 Olive oil? 725 00:29:24,467 --> 00:29:25,167 [Lisa] Yes, just- 726 00:29:25,300 --> 00:29:26,867 [Pete] I'm sorry! 727 00:29:28,267 --> 00:29:29,067 [Pete groans] 728 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,867 [Lisa] Hurry up, darling! 729 00:29:31,067 --> 00:29:32,400 Please! 730 00:29:32,533 --> 00:29:33,600 Quick! 731 00:29:33,733 --> 00:29:34,800 [Pete] Babe. 732 00:29:34,933 --> 00:29:37,467 Extra virgin olive oil. 733 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:38,567 [Lisa] Bye bye now, Pete. 734 00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:40,100 [Pete] I'm going. 735 00:29:40,233 --> 00:29:44,067 [TV chattering indistinctly] 736 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,633 [door shuts] 737 00:29:49,667 --> 00:29:52,400 [toilet flushes] 738 00:29:54,633 --> 00:29:59,633 [TV volume increases, crowd roars applause] 739 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:05,800 [Lisa laughs] 740 00:30:07,633 --> 00:30:09,300 What should I say? 741 00:30:10,733 --> 00:30:12,133 Huh? 742 00:30:12,267 --> 00:30:15,000 To the girl who wrote to me, I really want to write back. 743 00:30:15,133 --> 00:30:16,067 Dear- 744 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,033 Anya. 745 00:30:17,167 --> 00:30:18,233 At 9:29 PM, 746 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:25,467 I filled the pan, to the delight of the Wimbledon crowd. 747 00:30:26,533 --> 00:30:27,400 Pete! 748 00:30:27,533 --> 00:30:29,267 [Pete laughs] 749 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,000 [Pete] Okay, dear Anya. 750 00:30:31,133 --> 00:30:31,933 Yeah? 751 00:30:32,067 --> 00:30:32,933 Thank you for your message. 752 00:30:33,067 --> 00:30:34,333 [keyboard clacks] 753 00:30:34,467 --> 00:30:35,667 It lightened the load. 754 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:36,633 Oh God. 755 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,100 No, no, no, no, no, no. 756 00:30:41,533 --> 00:30:42,667 [kisses] 757 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,500 Dear Anya, thank you for your message. 758 00:30:48,867 --> 00:30:50,267 My husband says it's the first time 759 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,700 he's seen me smile all week. 760 00:31:01,267 --> 00:31:03,400 Look, I don't have to go, you know. 761 00:31:03,533 --> 00:31:05,267 Yes, you do! 762 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,500 It's been weeks, and they've been amazing. 763 00:31:06,633 --> 00:31:07,467 Go. 764 00:31:12,067 --> 00:31:13,633 You know, I can be back here in 25 minutes. 765 00:31:13,767 --> 00:31:14,467 Go. 766 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,300 Under 25 minutes. 767 00:31:15,433 --> 00:31:16,600 Go! 768 00:31:16,733 --> 00:31:17,833 Someone's gotta keep me in handbags and iTunes 769 00:31:17,967 --> 00:31:22,500 when I'm sitting around my house. [laughs] 770 00:31:22,633 --> 00:31:23,633 All right. 771 00:31:26,433 --> 00:31:27,233 See you later. 772 00:31:27,367 --> 00:31:28,200 Mm-hmm. 773 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,667 [kisses] 774 00:31:32,700 --> 00:31:33,800 Okay, piss off, go on. 775 00:31:33,933 --> 00:31:37,267 Ahh, go, shoo! [laughs] 776 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:40,500 [door shuts] 777 00:32:02,867 --> 00:32:05,267 ["Darkness Descends" by Laura Marling plays] 778 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,767 * You're holding bits of styrofoam * 779 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:12,900 * With your face painted on to your friends * 780 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:17,100 * You listen to them whine and moan * 781 00:32:17,233 --> 00:32:19,867 Well, it's all go around these parts. 782 00:32:20,067 --> 00:32:21,267 I'm on a break between chemos, 783 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,067 and Pete's gone back to work. 784 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,067 So today, I've planned to make a sandwich, 785 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,800 and put on some mascara. [laughs] 786 00:32:27,933 --> 00:32:31,800 These, ladies and gentlemen, are big moves in my world. 787 00:32:31,933 --> 00:32:34,233 My dad loves reading your comments on the blog, 788 00:32:34,367 --> 00:32:37,367 and rings me every time somebody writes. 789 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:40,567 Mike tried to act cool with him, but the truth is, 790 00:32:40,700 --> 00:32:43,067 his excitement when a new comment appears, 791 00:32:43,167 --> 00:32:45,433 there's nothing on mine. 792 00:32:45,567 --> 00:32:47,067 Today, I failed to eat the sandwich 793 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,933 and wasn't arsed with mascara, 794 00:32:50,067 --> 00:32:52,233 but I loved reading everything you wrote. 795 00:32:52,367 --> 00:32:53,067 [Pete] Lis? 796 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,567 Hey, sexy boy! [laughs] 797 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:56,300 [keyboard clacking] 798 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:57,233 Two secs? 799 00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:01,667 So whatever it is you've said, 800 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:05,733 or if you're just reading and not saying anything at all, 801 00:33:05,867 --> 00:33:07,233 thank you. 802 00:33:07,367 --> 00:33:09,833 You've made an underemployed woman with swollen joints 803 00:33:09,967 --> 00:33:12,800 and one missing nipple very happy. 804 00:33:14,300 --> 00:33:16,967 [bacon sizzles] 805 00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:19,933 Do you want it crispy or normal? 806 00:33:26,433 --> 00:33:27,800 [sighs] We knew this was going to happen. 807 00:33:27,933 --> 00:33:30,933 Thank you, that's very helpful. 808 00:33:31,067 --> 00:33:32,233 Look. 809 00:33:32,367 --> 00:33:34,567 Your hair, it's gonna come out. 810 00:33:34,700 --> 00:33:36,067 No. 811 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,833 It's gonna come out, and then it's gonna grow back again. 812 00:33:37,967 --> 00:33:39,800 No, it might not! 813 00:33:39,933 --> 00:33:43,533 What if I don't do anything to dislodge it? 814 00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:53,367 My first reaction to diagnosis bullshit 815 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,733 wasn't shit, I'm gonna die of cancer. 816 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,967 It was bollocks, my hair. 817 00:33:58,100 --> 00:33:59,767 Turns out, the pubes go first, 818 00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:01,400 but losing hair you don't want doesn't make you 819 00:34:01,533 --> 00:34:04,067 any more prepared to lose hair you do. 820 00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:05,233 You get that it happens, 821 00:34:05,367 --> 00:34:06,167 but you kind of don't really believe 822 00:34:06,300 --> 00:34:08,167 it's gonna happen to you. 823 00:34:08,300 --> 00:34:10,867 And it isn't just happening to you. 824 00:34:11,067 --> 00:34:13,600 It might have been my hair getting flushed down the bog, 825 00:34:13,733 --> 00:34:16,700 but that didn't mean that cancer's uninvited consequences 826 00:34:16,833 --> 00:34:19,600 were only having an impact on me. 827 00:34:24,933 --> 00:34:25,767 What? 828 00:34:27,733 --> 00:34:29,633 You're being weird, why? 829 00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:30,467 Oh no- 830 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:31,767 You tell me. 831 00:34:32,933 --> 00:34:35,500 When was the last time you had a- 832 00:34:35,633 --> 00:34:37,233 [Lisa] What? 833 00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:38,200 What? 834 00:34:40,767 --> 00:34:41,700 A shower? 835 00:34:43,867 --> 00:34:46,367 I don't know, a couple of weeks ago, I guess. 836 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:47,333 Right. 837 00:34:48,333 --> 00:34:49,700 I've been having baths. 838 00:34:49,833 --> 00:34:50,667 Oh. 839 00:34:52,633 --> 00:34:53,967 Is it my hair? 840 00:34:57,733 --> 00:35:00,067 You think I should wash it? 841 00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:03,067 Well, maybe. 842 00:35:04,833 --> 00:35:06,200 You know, it might, 843 00:35:06,333 --> 00:35:09,767 might make you feel a little bit better. 844 00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:11,733 Does this, it smell? 845 00:35:13,267 --> 00:35:14,100 No. 846 00:35:18,733 --> 00:35:21,167 [door opens] 847 00:35:23,067 --> 00:35:24,200 [Pete] Shit. 848 00:35:32,067 --> 00:35:33,233 I am so sorry. 849 00:35:34,767 --> 00:35:37,900 Sorry, I couldn't get it all out, it's in the drain. 850 00:35:38,067 --> 00:35:38,867 Drain. 851 00:35:40,267 --> 00:35:43,433 Baby, don't worry about that, I'll get that, it's fine! 852 00:35:43,567 --> 00:35:44,767 [soft piano music plays] 853 00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:45,967 I'm so sorry. 854 00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:02,300 [Lisa] In chemo three, on one day, 855 00:36:02,433 --> 00:36:07,067 Mary, my favourite cancer nurse, said I looked very glam. 856 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,733 She should see me now. 857 00:36:10,733 --> 00:36:12,800 I look like a smack head. 858 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:15,900 Oh God, if I knew you'd have the thought 859 00:36:16,067 --> 00:36:18,267 to complete your look with a skateboard. 860 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:19,800 [mocking laughter] 861 00:36:19,933 --> 00:36:21,333 [Lisa] You should be a stand up comedian. 862 00:36:21,467 --> 00:36:23,567 590, here we go. 863 00:36:23,700 --> 00:36:25,667 [knocks] 864 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,800 [Male Speaker] Come in! 865 00:36:26,933 --> 00:36:29,367 [door opens] 866 00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:34,733 [chorus music plays on radio] 867 00:36:38,167 --> 00:36:39,067 Hello. 868 00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:43,067 I need a wig. 869 00:36:44,067 --> 00:36:45,233 I've got that. 870 00:36:46,333 --> 00:36:47,333 65 pounds. 871 00:36:48,733 --> 00:36:50,767 Well, would you like to have a little browse around? 872 00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:52,167 Or, if you'd like me to, 873 00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:56,200 I could recommend something that might suit you. 874 00:36:56,333 --> 00:36:58,267 This is Annabelle, very popular. 875 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,433 [stifled laughter] 876 00:37:00,567 --> 00:37:01,600 This is Heather. 877 00:37:01,733 --> 00:37:03,200 Isn't she pretty? 878 00:37:03,333 --> 00:37:05,667 She's lovely, yeah. 879 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,700 Maybe you'd like to have a bashful Jacqueline? 880 00:37:07,833 --> 00:37:10,100 [snickers] 881 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:13,233 What, don't you think she's maybe a bit too severe? 882 00:37:13,367 --> 00:37:14,533 [laughter] 883 00:37:14,667 --> 00:37:15,700 Oh! 884 00:37:15,833 --> 00:37:16,967 Sorry about my friend. 885 00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:18,200 It's not you. 886 00:37:20,467 --> 00:37:21,933 What! 887 00:37:22,067 --> 00:37:22,900 [Sara] The Annabelle! 888 00:37:23,067 --> 00:37:25,300 [laughter] 889 00:37:26,733 --> 00:37:29,633 I know, I'm sorry, I'm a terrible friend! 890 00:37:29,767 --> 00:37:32,100 [laughter] 891 00:37:32,233 --> 00:37:34,967 -[door opens] -[Pete sings] 892 00:37:35,100 --> 00:37:36,167 Hello. 893 00:37:36,300 --> 00:37:37,800 You're cheerful. 894 00:37:38,733 --> 00:37:40,067 You all right? 895 00:37:41,967 --> 00:37:43,200 How was work? 896 00:37:45,433 --> 00:37:46,833 Dull, as usual. 897 00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:49,467 [claps hands] 898 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:50,667 How did it go? 899 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,633 Great. 900 00:37:53,433 --> 00:37:55,667 Well, let's see it, then. 901 00:37:57,667 --> 00:37:59,233 I didn't get one. 902 00:38:01,133 --> 00:38:02,167 Why not? 903 00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:05,100 Because the 65 quid NHS wig budget 904 00:38:05,233 --> 00:38:07,100 gets you a number in acrylic that might just about do 905 00:38:07,233 --> 00:38:09,267 for dressing up dogs. 906 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,967 [phone buzzes] 907 00:38:13,933 --> 00:38:14,767 It's your dad. 908 00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:15,867 Hello, darling! 909 00:38:16,067 --> 00:38:18,067 How many are you up to now? 910 00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:18,967 How many what? 911 00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:20,200 Comments! 912 00:38:20,333 --> 00:38:21,300 I checked before I left work, you had six. 913 00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:23,467 [laughs] Still six, dad. 914 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:25,133 Lis, who's playing tonight? 915 00:38:25,267 --> 00:38:26,367 I don't know, mom. 916 00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:27,767 [Jane] Well, I thought might be a friend 917 00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:29,233 of the Walters. 918 00:38:29,367 --> 00:38:30,433 [laughter] 919 00:38:30,567 --> 00:38:32,333 Jane, she doesn't know them personally. 920 00:38:32,467 --> 00:38:34,100 Just through Twitter. 921 00:38:34,233 --> 00:38:36,133 You know, because of the blog. 922 00:38:36,267 --> 00:38:37,067 [Jane] Oh. 923 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,733 Yeah, but how do they know her? 924 00:38:39,867 --> 00:38:41,233 [together] The blog! 925 00:38:41,367 --> 00:38:42,167 Oh! 926 00:38:42,300 --> 00:38:43,167 Yeah, of course. 927 00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:44,533 Here you are. 928 00:38:44,667 --> 00:38:45,900 You know, who's this anonymous who's always putting 929 00:38:46,067 --> 00:38:47,300 his two pennies in? 930 00:38:47,433 --> 00:38:48,567 Oh, I don't know, dad. 931 00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:49,733 He's anonymous. 932 00:38:49,867 --> 00:38:51,700 Even I knew that. 933 00:38:51,833 --> 00:38:52,667 Knob. 934 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:53,700 [Pete] Gotta go. 935 00:38:53,833 --> 00:38:55,567 We'll see you in a few hours. 936 00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:58,100 I'm taking your daughter out. 937 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,700 [buzzes] 938 00:39:04,833 --> 00:39:05,500 [Female Speaker] Beckett and Lowe. 939 00:39:05,633 --> 00:39:06,700 Yes, Peter Lynch. 940 00:39:06,833 --> 00:39:09,233 [door opens] 941 00:39:13,933 --> 00:39:16,700 [soft classical music plays] 942 00:39:16,833 --> 00:39:18,067 Hello. 943 00:39:18,167 --> 00:39:20,400 How can I help you? 944 00:39:20,533 --> 00:39:21,433 I'd like a pot of cottage cheese 945 00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:23,733 and a large jar of olives. 946 00:39:25,700 --> 00:39:27,233 Is it all right if we just have a look around? 947 00:39:27,367 --> 00:39:28,467 Of course. 948 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,300 All of our wigs are made with human hair, 949 00:39:30,433 --> 00:39:31,600 for a more natural look. 950 00:39:31,733 --> 00:39:32,700 Do they put 'em on your head? 951 00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:34,200 ["Elvis" by Longpigs plays] 952 00:39:34,333 --> 00:39:35,233 Suzanne. 953 00:39:35,367 --> 00:39:36,933 [Pete] Bloody hell. 954 00:39:37,067 --> 00:39:37,900 How much? 955 00:39:40,933 --> 00:39:42,067 Endeavour. 956 00:39:42,133 --> 00:39:43,267 Excalibur. 957 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,667 Wait, there's the one called Extortion, now. 958 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,467 [Lisa] I spent 28 years wasting my money on stuff, 959 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,200 but that was my choice. 960 00:39:50,333 --> 00:39:53,067 Having to splash the cash out of cancer dictated necessity 961 00:39:53,167 --> 00:39:54,733 was just plain unfair. 962 00:39:54,867 --> 00:39:57,500 Louboutons, size five, Pigalle Patent. 963 00:39:57,633 --> 00:40:00,167 That's what I want, that's what I saved up for. 964 00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:01,633 Only now, I've got to sport the money 965 00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:04,833 on something that makes me look like a member of Spinal Tap. 966 00:40:04,967 --> 00:40:05,767 [keys clacking] 967 00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:07,033 But I don't have a choice. 968 00:40:07,167 --> 00:40:08,567 I'm not being a sideshow. 969 00:40:08,700 --> 00:40:10,933 I want Jamie to have the best wedding ever. 970 00:40:11,067 --> 00:40:13,433 I'm not walking up looking like Uncle Fester, 971 00:40:13,567 --> 00:40:14,833 ruining it all. 972 00:40:21,100 --> 00:40:21,933 Lis? 973 00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:28,033 [Ian] Hey. 974 00:40:28,167 --> 00:40:29,733 [soft music plays] 975 00:40:29,867 --> 00:40:31,967 Oh, there's my girl! 976 00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:33,167 Yeah, yeah! 977 00:40:39,467 --> 00:40:40,300 Hmm. 978 00:40:42,633 --> 00:40:44,233 Now don't feed them after midnight. 979 00:40:44,367 --> 00:40:45,767 [laughter] 980 00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:47,800 We can't afford to feed them, we've got no money left. 981 00:40:47,933 --> 00:40:49,200 Right, I am transferring that money 982 00:40:49,333 --> 00:40:50,533 straight into your account. 983 00:40:50,667 --> 00:40:51,367 No. 984 00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:52,200 Put it on, then. 985 00:40:52,333 --> 00:40:53,400 No. 986 00:40:53,533 --> 00:40:55,100 What, you have spent all that money 987 00:40:55,233 --> 00:40:57,567 to display a syrup on a stand, you daft bugger, 988 00:40:57,700 --> 00:40:58,833 come on, let's see it on. 989 00:40:58,967 --> 00:41:00,300 No, you'll see it at Jamie's wedding! 990 00:41:00,433 --> 00:41:01,800 You are a stubborn so-and-so, do you know that? 991 00:41:01,933 --> 00:41:03,367 That has been said, yes. 992 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:05,433 I wouldn't want you any other way. 993 00:41:05,567 --> 00:41:06,367 Come on. 994 00:41:07,367 --> 00:41:08,767 Night, Erica. 995 00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:09,700 Good night, Colette. 996 00:41:09,833 --> 00:41:11,233 Oi! 997 00:41:11,367 --> 00:41:12,833 Don't fight. 998 00:41:12,967 --> 00:41:15,200 [laughter] 999 00:41:16,467 --> 00:41:20,233 [TV chattering indistinctly] 1000 00:41:23,067 --> 00:41:27,333 You already broken the back of this chemo thing, eh? 1001 00:41:30,067 --> 00:41:30,867 Dad. 1002 00:41:32,867 --> 00:41:35,367 Did you get a fright when you saw me? 1003 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:37,100 [Ian] What are you talking about? 1004 00:41:37,233 --> 00:41:38,833 You know, I hadn't seen you for a couple of weeks, 1005 00:41:38,967 --> 00:41:41,067 and I was just, you know- 1006 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,300 Don't be daft. 1007 00:41:43,433 --> 00:41:45,167 Of course I didn't get a fright. 1008 00:41:45,300 --> 00:41:47,567 You're you, I just saw you! 1009 00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:53,067 [Lisa cries] 1010 00:41:58,100 --> 00:41:59,533 [kisses] 1011 00:41:59,667 --> 00:42:02,600 [soft music plays] 1012 00:42:10,767 --> 00:42:13,667 [Ian sobs quietly] 1013 00:42:22,500 --> 00:42:24,533 [Jane sobs quietly] 1014 00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:27,167 [birds chirp] 1015 00:42:37,267 --> 00:42:41,100 [dramatic music plays softly] 1016 00:42:52,833 --> 00:42:56,133 [TV chattering quietly] 1017 00:42:56,267 --> 00:42:57,400 [Lisa] Pete? 1018 00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,200 Pete? 1019 00:43:01,067 --> 00:43:02,233 Baby? 1020 00:43:02,367 --> 00:43:03,133 [Lisa] Pete? 1021 00:43:03,267 --> 00:43:04,400 Lis? 1022 00:43:04,533 --> 00:43:07,967 [door clicks, bangs] 1023 00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:09,767 [door slams open] 1024 00:43:09,900 --> 00:43:10,667 [Lisa sobs] 1025 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,567 Baby, what's the matter? 1026 00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:13,067 What's wrong? 1027 00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:13,933 What's wrong? 1028 00:43:14,067 --> 00:43:16,167 [Lisa] I can't get out! 1029 00:43:17,267 --> 00:43:19,267 Oh darling, come here. 1030 00:43:20,367 --> 00:43:22,333 Come here, baby, come here. 1031 00:43:22,467 --> 00:43:23,800 Come here, come here. 1032 00:43:23,933 --> 00:43:26,500 [Lisa mumbles] 1033 00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:30,067 [Lisa sobs] 1034 00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:42,067 Just stand up for a second. 1035 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,600 You don't want to get cold. 1036 00:43:44,733 --> 00:43:47,300 [Pete grunts] 1037 00:43:47,433 --> 00:43:48,367 [Lisa sobs] 1038 00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:49,333 You okay? 1039 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,067 [Lisa groans] 1040 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,700 [Pete grunts] 1041 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:15,633 Don't trip yet, right? 1042 00:44:17,667 --> 00:44:20,267 [Pete grunts] 1043 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,733 [Pete breathes heavily] 1044 00:44:25,900 --> 00:44:28,400 [Lisa groans] 1045 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,067 [drawer creaks] 1046 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,900 [phone rings] 1047 00:44:46,500 --> 00:44:47,333 Thank you. 1048 00:44:51,133 --> 00:44:52,567 [Co-Worker] Massive one? 1049 00:44:52,700 --> 00:44:53,967 Who, me? 1050 00:44:54,100 --> 00:44:55,233 What makes you say that? 1051 00:44:55,367 --> 00:44:57,633 You look knackered, mate. 1052 00:44:59,467 --> 00:45:01,867 Lisa's not really up for going out at the moment, so- 1053 00:45:02,067 --> 00:45:03,067 I'm sorry. 1054 00:45:04,300 --> 00:45:05,133 Sorry. 1055 00:45:08,933 --> 00:45:11,733 I've been, I've been looking at the blog. 1056 00:45:11,867 --> 00:45:13,633 You know, rather than ask you all the time, 1057 00:45:13,767 --> 00:45:16,533 'cause that gets a bit, you know. 1058 00:45:18,700 --> 00:45:21,167 She's a brilliant writer. 1059 00:45:21,300 --> 00:45:24,200 It's good that she's got an outlet. 1060 00:45:25,633 --> 00:45:27,333 What are you doing to let off steam? 1061 00:45:27,467 --> 00:45:29,867 [Pete sighs] 1062 00:45:34,900 --> 00:45:37,367 I'll boil the kettle. 1063 00:45:37,500 --> 00:45:39,100 What are you on about? 1064 00:45:39,233 --> 00:45:41,367 No, that's what I do. 1065 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:43,433 I boil the kettle. 1066 00:45:43,567 --> 00:45:46,067 I put the kettle on about 20 times a day, 1067 00:45:46,133 --> 00:45:49,433 and there's probably a 10 to one ratio 1068 00:45:49,567 --> 00:45:51,267 from boiling it to pouring it out, 1069 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:52,967 and then the same again, from pouring out 1070 00:45:53,100 --> 00:45:56,633 to actually drinking it, so basically, 1071 00:45:56,767 --> 00:45:59,233 every time I put the kettle on, there's only like, 1072 00:45:59,367 --> 00:46:00,600 one in a hundred chance that someone's 1073 00:46:00,733 --> 00:46:03,467 actually gonna have a cup of tea. 1074 00:46:08,367 --> 00:46:10,067 [Lisa] Cancer is an attention seeking, 1075 00:46:10,133 --> 00:46:12,200 party-pooping bitch. 1076 00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:14,067 It takes over. 1077 00:46:14,133 --> 00:46:16,900 Takes your hair, your confidence, your social life, 1078 00:46:17,067 --> 00:46:19,067 your immune system, your vigour, 1079 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,933 the least it could do is make you thin. 1080 00:46:22,067 --> 00:46:24,733 Your energy, your taste buds, your sense of smell, 1081 00:46:24,867 --> 00:46:28,867 your sex life, and leaves behind this dark stuff. 1082 00:46:29,067 --> 00:46:30,200 And just when you think it's done as much 1083 00:46:30,333 --> 00:46:31,933 as it possibly can, it takes away 1084 00:46:32,067 --> 00:46:34,800 your chance to celebrate. 1085 00:46:34,933 --> 00:46:36,800 'Cause after six tedious rounds of chemo, 1086 00:46:36,933 --> 00:46:39,133 you just don't feel like bouncing back into life 1087 00:46:39,267 --> 00:46:41,300 as it was before. 1088 00:46:41,433 --> 00:46:43,500 I want to pick myself up, dust myself down, 1089 00:46:43,633 --> 00:46:45,467 and write something uplifting. 1090 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,067 God knows that's probably what everyone around me expected, 1091 00:46:48,167 --> 00:46:50,533 and definitely deserved. 1092 00:46:50,667 --> 00:46:53,667 But more than wanting what I write here to be uplifting, 1093 00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,633 I want it to be honest. 1094 00:46:55,767 --> 00:46:58,667 And the honest truth is, at the end of treatment, 1095 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,700 it feels like there's as much to mourn 1096 00:47:00,833 --> 00:47:02,900 as there is to celebrate. 1097 00:47:06,633 --> 00:47:08,867 Is this all right, still? 1098 00:47:10,300 --> 00:47:13,900 You don't think it needs altering for the weekend? 1099 00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:16,367 Lis. 1100 00:47:17,933 --> 00:47:20,367 You look like Ron Burgundy. 1101 00:47:21,533 --> 00:47:22,933 Come on. 1102 00:47:23,067 --> 00:47:25,067 Let's see your outfit. 1103 00:47:25,133 --> 00:47:26,600 You've seen it, it's been hanging on the wardrobe 1104 00:47:26,733 --> 00:47:29,867 for four months. [clears throat] 1105 00:47:30,067 --> 00:47:32,400 [Pete] Have you got tights? 1106 00:47:33,567 --> 00:47:36,267 Why are you asking me about tights? 1107 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:38,067 Just because your mum called and she said 1108 00:47:38,133 --> 00:47:40,567 that she'd get them for you, if you let her know 1109 00:47:40,700 --> 00:47:42,067 what denier it is that you want. 1110 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,467 I don't need tights. 1111 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,400 If either of you think that having the right denier tight 1112 00:47:47,533 --> 00:47:48,633 is gonna make the slightest difference 1113 00:47:48,767 --> 00:47:50,433 to how I look on the day, 1114 00:47:50,567 --> 00:47:52,900 I know what I'm gonna look like. 1115 00:47:53,067 --> 00:47:56,133 I'm gonna like like a cancer patient. 1116 00:47:57,300 --> 00:47:59,767 Of all the cancer side effects that I expected, 1117 00:47:59,900 --> 00:48:01,533 or hadn't bargained for was it turning me 1118 00:48:01,667 --> 00:48:04,067 into a horrible person. 1119 00:48:04,133 --> 00:48:06,367 The dark stuff senses when you're vulnerable, 1120 00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:09,667 and surprises you with many mental breakdowns. 1121 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,767 You go from a strong on the outside, brave faced girl, 1122 00:48:12,900 --> 00:48:16,100 to a consumed, cloaked, troubled mass. 1123 00:48:20,767 --> 00:48:23,500 [door shuts] 1124 00:48:23,633 --> 00:48:26,967 [TV chattering quietly] 1125 00:48:35,567 --> 00:48:37,567 [Lisa sobs] 1126 00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:38,533 Hey! 1127 00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:40,233 Hey! 1128 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:42,233 What's wrong, what's happened? 1129 00:48:42,367 --> 00:48:44,667 I can't do this, I can't! [sobs] 1130 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:45,500 [Pete] What? 1131 00:48:45,633 --> 00:48:46,333 What can't you do? 1132 00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:47,733 Anything, any of it. 1133 00:48:47,867 --> 00:48:50,200 [Lisa sobs] 1134 00:48:51,467 --> 00:48:53,933 [Pete] Let's just wait until tomorrow, eh? 1135 00:48:54,067 --> 00:48:56,333 You know, you might feel differently. 1136 00:48:56,467 --> 00:48:58,133 It won't feel differently. 1137 00:48:58,267 --> 00:49:03,333 Every day's the same, it doesn't matter what I do! [sobs] 1138 00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:07,067 It's so ugly, Pete. 1139 00:49:07,167 --> 00:49:09,233 I don't recognise myself. 1140 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,600 Some mornings... [sobs] 1141 00:49:13,733 --> 00:49:18,733 Some mornings, I don't want to wake up. [sobs] 1142 00:49:21,567 --> 00:49:23,567 And I'm jealous! 1143 00:49:23,700 --> 00:49:25,800 I'm jealous of everyone. 1144 00:49:25,933 --> 00:49:28,767 Most of all, I'm jealous of Jamie. 1145 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,767 Because him and Leanne get to have the happiest day 1146 00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:34,800 of their life. [sobs] 1147 00:49:34,933 --> 00:49:39,133 But you and me, we get less than two years of being normal, 1148 00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:42,767 and being happy, and me being remotely desirable to you, 1149 00:49:42,900 --> 00:49:45,133 before you become my carer! [sobs] 1150 00:49:45,267 --> 00:49:46,600 Hey, hey! 1151 00:49:46,733 --> 00:49:47,567 Hey! 1152 00:49:49,100 --> 00:49:50,100 Where did you get the idea 1153 00:49:50,233 --> 00:49:53,333 that I stopped finding you desirable? 1154 00:49:53,467 --> 00:49:54,633 The pyjamas. 1155 00:49:57,500 --> 00:49:58,767 What pyjamas? 1156 00:50:00,633 --> 00:50:02,833 The other night, 1157 00:50:02,967 --> 00:50:04,333 the night you carried me out the bath, 1158 00:50:04,467 --> 00:50:06,233 you gave me the sick person's pyjamas, 1159 00:50:06,367 --> 00:50:07,833 that's as you see me. 1160 00:50:07,967 --> 00:50:08,800 Darling. 1161 00:50:09,700 --> 00:50:11,400 I gave you those pyjamas 1162 00:50:11,533 --> 00:50:14,700 because they were the only ones clean. 1163 00:50:19,333 --> 00:50:21,133 Any other evidence? 1164 00:50:21,267 --> 00:50:23,333 [Lisa sobs] 1165 00:50:23,467 --> 00:50:24,900 How would you? 1166 00:50:25,033 --> 00:50:27,367 [Lisa sobs] 1167 00:50:34,900 --> 00:50:38,233 [Pete] [whispers] Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1168 00:50:38,367 --> 00:50:39,767 That was one day. 1169 00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:42,967 [speaking normally] I mean, it was awesome. 1170 00:50:43,100 --> 00:50:45,767 It was a party, people got drunk, and they danced, 1171 00:50:45,900 --> 00:50:48,300 and I mean, it was brilliant. 1172 00:50:51,300 --> 00:50:52,833 And it was one day. 1173 00:50:56,467 --> 00:50:59,333 It didn't make me feel like we were gonna have 1174 00:50:59,467 --> 00:51:01,667 a fairy tale life together. 1175 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,233 [Lisa laughs] 1176 00:51:03,367 --> 00:51:06,700 Okay, all right, I didn't expect this either, but... 1177 00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:09,133 That's what the vows are for. 1178 00:51:09,267 --> 00:51:10,233 [Lisa sobs] 1179 00:51:10,367 --> 00:51:11,867 'Cause you and me, 1180 00:51:14,167 --> 00:51:16,500 we are getting old together. 1181 00:51:18,733 --> 00:51:21,567 That's what I took from that day. 1182 00:51:21,700 --> 00:51:23,533 And that is happening. 1183 00:51:25,767 --> 00:51:27,433 It's the only thing I'm holding you to. 1184 00:51:27,567 --> 00:51:29,900 [Lisa sobs] 1185 00:51:34,700 --> 00:51:35,767 [Lisa] Pete? 1186 00:51:35,900 --> 00:51:37,067 [Pete] Yeah? 1187 00:51:38,867 --> 00:51:42,433 My eyelashes have started coming out. 1188 00:51:42,567 --> 00:51:44,900 Of course they are. 1189 00:51:45,067 --> 00:51:48,400 I mean, that's The Bullshit for you. 1190 00:51:48,533 --> 00:51:50,333 I mean, they couldn't hang on in there just a few more days 1191 00:51:50,467 --> 00:51:52,767 until after the wedding, could they? 1192 00:51:52,900 --> 00:51:53,733 [Lisa sobs] 1193 00:51:53,867 --> 00:51:56,267 So, so what does that tell you? 1194 00:52:01,133 --> 00:52:03,867 That you're not the boss of this. 1195 00:52:06,367 --> 00:52:07,367 It's cancer. 1196 00:52:09,233 --> 00:52:12,400 It's not gonna bend to your iron will. 1197 00:52:18,567 --> 00:52:22,400 [sighs] I can't believe it. 1198 00:52:22,533 --> 00:52:23,867 [Pete] I know. 1199 00:52:24,967 --> 00:52:27,067 [kisses] 1200 00:52:30,100 --> 00:52:31,433 All right, young lady. 1201 00:52:31,567 --> 00:52:33,133 Get those baps out. 1202 00:52:36,333 --> 00:52:37,900 Come on, Lisa. 1203 00:52:38,067 --> 00:52:39,133 These two have seen more tits 1204 00:52:39,267 --> 00:52:40,767 than you've had our dinners. 1205 00:52:40,900 --> 00:52:41,700 Tits? 1206 00:52:41,833 --> 00:52:43,200 That's a first from you, Jane! 1207 00:52:43,333 --> 00:52:46,833 Yeah, well, that's The Bullshit for you. 1208 00:52:49,933 --> 00:52:52,167 Oh, come on, look at my raisins! 1209 00:52:52,300 --> 00:52:54,533 You've got nothing to hide. 1210 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:03,533 Bloody hell! 1211 00:53:05,167 --> 00:53:08,333 That is the best falsie I've ever seen. 1212 00:53:09,467 --> 00:53:12,800 It's a thing of beauty, that is. 1213 00:53:12,933 --> 00:53:14,533 Right, then! 1214 00:53:14,667 --> 00:53:16,933 [laughter] 1215 00:53:18,933 --> 00:53:22,700 [soft classical music plays] 1216 00:53:28,067 --> 00:53:30,967 [Lisa] Missing lashes and wonky wig aside, 1217 00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:33,067 the important thing was that for the first time in months, 1218 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,633 the occasion wasn't about me. 1219 00:53:36,833 --> 00:53:39,133 Yes, people wanted to ask how I was, 1220 00:53:39,267 --> 00:53:40,633 and tell me they were pleased to see me, 1221 00:53:40,767 --> 00:53:43,767 and lie about how well I looked. 1222 00:53:43,900 --> 00:53:45,800 But this wasn't my day. 1223 00:53:47,300 --> 00:53:49,433 Cancer forces you to act. 1224 00:53:49,567 --> 00:53:52,467 And soon, the acting becomes the reality, 1225 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,933 because you're so bloody determined to put out 1226 00:53:55,067 --> 00:53:56,567 the right signals. 1227 00:54:00,467 --> 00:54:02,400 Hey, funny face. 1228 00:54:02,533 --> 00:54:03,767 Right one, boy. 1229 00:54:03,900 --> 00:54:05,667 It was the role of my life. 1230 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,900 My Hannibal Lecter, my Don Corleone, 1231 00:54:08,067 --> 00:54:10,200 My Scarlett O'Hara. 1232 00:54:10,333 --> 00:54:12,167 And it was exhausting. 1233 00:54:17,100 --> 00:54:18,600 But seeing Jamie and Leanne get hitched 1234 00:54:18,733 --> 00:54:22,467 was the prize I'd had my eye on from day one. 1235 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,267 Every step of The Bullshit up to this point 1236 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,833 had been geared towards me not just making it there, 1237 00:54:28,967 --> 00:54:31,667 but having a bloody good time too. 1238 00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:32,733 ["Somebody to Love" by Queen plays] 1239 00:54:32,867 --> 00:54:34,400 * I got no rhythm * 1240 00:54:34,533 --> 00:54:36,467 * I just keep losing my beat * 1241 00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:37,833 * You just keep losing and losing * 1242 00:54:37,967 --> 00:54:40,067 * I'm all right, I'm all right. * 1243 00:54:40,167 --> 00:54:42,367 * He's all right, he's all right * 1244 00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,067 * Yeah, yeah * 1245 00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,233 * I just gotta get out of this prison cell * 1246 00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:51,533 * Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord * 1247 00:54:53,300 --> 00:54:54,933 [applause] 1248 00:54:55,067 --> 00:54:56,733 [Lisa] Mission accomplished! 1249 00:54:56,867 --> 00:54:58,600 I did have a good time. 1250 00:54:58,733 --> 00:55:03,367 And all for the sake of my brilliant, brilliant brother. 1251 00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:06,300 * Find me somebody to love * 1252 00:55:06,433 --> 00:55:09,400 * Find me somebody to love * 1253 00:55:09,533 --> 00:55:10,933 * Somebody, somebody * 1254 00:55:11,067 --> 00:55:12,467 * Somebody, somebody * 1255 00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:13,967 * Somebody find me * 1256 00:55:14,100 --> 00:55:16,933 * Somebody find me somebody to love * 1257 00:55:17,067 --> 00:55:20,233 * Can anybody find me * 1258 00:55:23,767 --> 00:55:26,933 [soft music fades in] 1259 00:55:45,433 --> 00:55:48,367 [faint chattering] 1260 00:55:53,233 --> 00:55:55,467 In fact, so spectacular was the day, 1261 00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:59,767 that every so often, I even forgot I'd got cancer. 1262 00:56:01,833 --> 00:56:04,167 And that's damn high praise. 1263 00:56:10,633 --> 00:56:15,633 -[birds chirping] -[faint chatter] 1264 00:56:35,367 --> 00:56:37,067 Excuse me. 1265 00:56:37,133 --> 00:56:38,200 Are you Lisa? 1266 00:56:42,067 --> 00:56:42,967 Lisa Lynch? 1267 00:56:46,100 --> 00:56:46,900 Yeah. 1268 00:56:47,067 --> 00:56:48,067 Thank you! 1269 00:56:50,067 --> 00:56:50,867 Mate. 1270 00:56:51,867 --> 00:56:53,167 Who's that? 1271 00:56:53,300 --> 00:56:54,567 No idea, mate. 1272 00:56:54,700 --> 00:56:56,800 One with another wedding. 1273 00:57:00,867 --> 00:57:01,700 Hi. 1274 00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:05,133 This is my husband, Peter. 1275 00:57:05,267 --> 00:57:06,967 [Diane] Pete! 1276 00:57:07,100 --> 00:57:09,500 Oh! [laughs] 1277 00:57:09,633 --> 00:57:10,633 [kisses] 1278 00:57:10,767 --> 00:57:11,900 Hey. 1279 00:57:12,067 --> 00:57:13,367 Diane reads the blog. 1280 00:57:13,500 --> 00:57:14,567 Oh, right, okay! 1281 00:57:14,700 --> 00:57:16,400 I recognised her, didn't I? 1282 00:57:16,533 --> 00:57:17,233 Did you? 1283 00:57:17,367 --> 00:57:18,567 Hello. 1284 00:57:18,700 --> 00:57:21,300 I'm Jane McFarlane, Lisa's mom, hello. 1285 00:57:21,433 --> 00:57:23,500 [Diane] Yes, of course you are, I recognise you and all 1286 00:57:23,633 --> 00:57:25,867 from the wedding photo you put up. 1287 00:57:26,067 --> 00:57:27,900 That were a stunning hat you had on. 1288 00:57:28,067 --> 00:57:28,800 Oh! 1289 00:57:28,933 --> 00:57:29,733 Well! 1290 00:57:29,867 --> 00:57:31,967 Her grandson's had it, you know. 1291 00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:33,900 And he's getting his. 1292 00:57:34,067 --> 00:57:37,133 You think people just use the internet for lucky photos 1293 00:57:37,267 --> 00:57:39,933 and booking holidays and trying to remember the name 1294 00:57:40,067 --> 00:57:42,533 of some actor you'd forgot. 1295 00:57:42,667 --> 00:57:43,767 And suddenly, 1296 00:57:45,333 --> 00:57:47,733 you find something like this. 1297 00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:51,900 I can't tell you what you've done for us. 1298 00:57:52,067 --> 00:57:53,533 Wow. 1299 00:57:53,667 --> 00:57:55,267 You know, she's, 1300 00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,500 she's always been a writer. 1301 00:57:57,633 --> 00:57:58,733 Haven't you, love, eh? 1302 00:57:58,867 --> 00:58:00,800 I've always said that you should write a book. 1303 00:58:00,933 --> 00:58:03,133 Absolutely, she should. 1304 00:58:03,267 --> 00:58:04,200 Absolutely. 1305 00:58:04,333 --> 00:58:06,767 [laughter] 1306 00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:08,200 Do you mind if I- 1307 00:58:08,333 --> 00:58:09,167 No! 1308 00:58:10,233 --> 00:58:11,100 [everyone chattering] 1309 00:58:11,233 --> 00:58:12,100 Say cheese. 1310 00:58:12,233 --> 00:58:13,967 [together] Cheese! 1311 00:58:14,100 --> 00:58:14,900 [camera beeps] 1312 00:58:15,067 --> 00:58:19,400 ["Golden Dawn" by Goat plays] 1313 00:58:19,533 --> 00:58:21,800 There's no sign of cancer. 1314 00:58:21,933 --> 00:58:23,867 [Lisa] Oh, the most beautiful words 1315 00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:25,767 in the English language! 1316 00:58:25,900 --> 00:58:27,667 But after going through six sessions of chemo, 1317 00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:29,367 and 28 sessions of radio, 1318 00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:30,633 it's enough to let us give the finger 1319 00:58:30,767 --> 00:58:32,500 to The Bullshit in the best way we know how. 1320 00:58:32,633 --> 00:58:34,900 [cheering] 1321 00:58:37,167 --> 00:58:40,333 But first up, operation nipple tattoo. 1322 00:58:42,333 --> 00:58:43,833 With some help from a colour chart, 1323 00:58:43,967 --> 00:58:46,333 and some advice from my fellow bloggers, 1324 00:58:46,467 --> 00:58:49,633 I'm on a one-way ticket to self improvement. 1325 00:58:49,767 --> 00:58:52,067 I'll once again be able to pick up a hair dryer, 1326 00:58:52,167 --> 00:58:55,633 have more sex, get off my steroid swelled ass, 1327 00:58:55,767 --> 00:58:57,767 and generally execute a Houdini-like escape 1328 00:58:57,900 --> 00:59:00,533 from the evil grip of The Bullshit. 1329 00:59:00,667 --> 00:59:01,500 Ta-da! 1330 00:59:02,533 --> 00:59:03,467 I was back. 1331 00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,433 Life was slowly becoming normal. 1332 00:59:08,567 --> 00:59:09,367 Hello? 1333 00:59:09,500 --> 00:59:10,367 Have you checked your Twitter? 1334 00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:11,633 Check it! 1335 00:59:11,767 --> 00:59:15,567 [Lisa] Until Stephen Fry started reading my blog. 1336 00:59:16,967 --> 00:59:20,767 [laughs] "Funny and brilliant," he said! 1337 00:59:20,900 --> 00:59:24,100 Then the year of The Bullshit became the year 1338 00:59:24,233 --> 00:59:25,500 I wrote a book! 1339 00:59:28,767 --> 00:59:32,767 I felt like the Carrie Bradshaw of breast cancer. 1340 00:59:32,900 --> 00:59:35,800 I had a new rack, a new book, 1341 00:59:35,933 --> 00:59:40,533 and I no longer had the bonnet of a six month old baby. 1342 00:59:46,633 --> 00:59:50,633 Two years on, I was starting to feel free again. 1343 00:59:54,300 --> 00:59:57,800 I didn't even mind when twat clacker overtook me. 1344 00:59:57,933 --> 01:00:00,000 And I became Auntie Lisa. 1345 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:04,733 But then... 1346 01:00:06,167 --> 01:00:08,067 Then the music stopped. 1347 01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:14,400 [suspenseful music plays] 1348 01:00:31,233 --> 01:00:33,100 [door clicks open] 1349 01:00:33,233 --> 01:00:34,033 Hello. 1350 01:00:34,167 --> 01:00:36,233 Can you follow me, please? 1351 01:00:42,567 --> 01:00:44,900 How long have you been married? 1352 01:00:45,033 --> 01:00:46,667 [Lisa] Five years. 1353 01:00:47,567 --> 01:00:50,300 And when were you diagnosed? 1354 01:00:50,433 --> 01:00:53,967 I first found out I had breast cancer 1355 01:00:54,100 --> 01:00:56,933 about a year and a half into our marriage. 1356 01:00:57,067 --> 01:01:00,667 Then recently, they told us it'd come back. 1357 01:01:02,167 --> 01:01:04,633 It's in my bones and my brain. 1358 01:01:05,967 --> 01:01:07,600 I'm having ongoing treatment to keep me alive 1359 01:01:07,733 --> 01:01:12,733 as long as possible, but there's nothing they can really do. 1360 01:01:14,167 --> 01:01:16,900 That happened about a month ago now, so I should've really 1361 01:01:17,067 --> 01:01:19,400 had time to get used to the situation. 1362 01:01:19,533 --> 01:01:24,100 Well, it isn't a situation that anybody gets used to. 1363 01:01:26,700 --> 01:01:29,500 And the pain's under control. 1364 01:01:29,633 --> 01:01:30,467 But it's, 1365 01:01:33,133 --> 01:01:36,100 [sighs] it's just, everything else. 1366 01:01:36,233 --> 01:01:40,267 There are strategies for coping, more than coping, 1367 01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:42,700 and there is one in particular, 1368 01:01:42,833 --> 01:01:44,733 a technique called mindfulness, 1369 01:01:44,867 --> 01:01:48,067 which has been found to be very useful. 1370 01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:50,600 I know we can talk about all the different possibilities 1371 01:01:50,733 --> 01:01:54,300 and approaches, but first, there is a book, 1372 01:01:55,267 --> 01:01:56,133 and I think 1373 01:01:58,667 --> 01:02:00,700 you could both benefit from reading, 1374 01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:02,867 it's called "The C-Word." 1375 01:02:10,067 --> 01:02:13,267 I'm so, what's wrong, what have I said? 1376 01:02:15,533 --> 01:02:16,367 Um. 1377 01:02:18,700 --> 01:02:19,633 I wrote it. 1378 01:02:24,100 --> 01:02:24,933 Oh. 1379 01:02:26,200 --> 01:02:27,133 Lisa Lynch? 1380 01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,700 [quietly] Oh God. 1381 01:02:33,833 --> 01:02:36,200 You have to laugh, really. 1382 01:02:36,333 --> 01:02:39,767 [soft piano music plays] 1383 01:02:42,933 --> 01:02:45,600 You were really kind about giving me time off, 1384 01:02:45,733 --> 01:02:49,733 and letting me work from home when Lisa was ill. 1385 01:02:55,233 --> 01:02:56,733 But unfortunately, 1386 01:02:58,067 --> 01:03:00,267 we are back where we were, 1387 01:03:02,167 --> 01:03:04,067 because it's come back. 1388 01:03:06,900 --> 01:03:09,633 And obviously, I want to spend as much time 1389 01:03:09,767 --> 01:03:11,533 with her as possible, 1390 01:03:12,733 --> 01:03:16,667 while still being able to support our family. 1391 01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:19,567 I am, I can't afford not to work. 1392 01:03:21,067 --> 01:03:25,267 So if we, if I could be a bit more flexible again, 1393 01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:27,900 like last time, it would be... 1394 01:03:31,100 --> 01:03:33,867 That would be hugely appreciated. 1395 01:03:49,333 --> 01:03:52,333 [door squeaks open] 1396 01:04:01,300 --> 01:04:02,600 First class in here, innit? 1397 01:04:02,733 --> 01:04:03,467 [Jane] A treasure. 1398 01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:05,233 It's mom and dad. 1399 01:04:05,367 --> 01:04:08,433 The box feeds and mixed nuts come around in a minute. 1400 01:04:08,567 --> 01:04:10,900 [kisses] 1401 01:04:11,067 --> 01:04:14,333 They've had it refurbished since last time. 1402 01:04:14,467 --> 01:04:19,300 In case you thought the shit-uation has got me an upgrade. 1403 01:04:22,167 --> 01:04:24,900 So I, I brought some of this stuff in today, 1404 01:04:25,067 --> 01:04:28,467 just some of the stuff to give you about what help there is. 1405 01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:30,233 You know, support and stuff. 1406 01:04:30,367 --> 01:04:34,067 And I thought we could go through it. 1407 01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,633 All right, sounds a good idea, yeah. 1408 01:04:35,767 --> 01:04:37,733 Absolutely, yeah. 1409 01:04:37,867 --> 01:04:41,733 See, there's so much we're entitled to. 1410 01:04:41,867 --> 01:04:44,767 And some of it might be good, physio and acupuncture 1411 01:04:44,900 --> 01:04:48,567 and complimentary therapies, whatever they are. 1412 01:04:48,700 --> 01:04:50,067 There's Trinity. 1413 01:04:51,967 --> 01:04:52,800 Trinity? 1414 01:04:53,900 --> 01:04:55,600 The hospice? 1415 01:04:55,733 --> 01:04:58,567 They've, they've got art therapy, 1416 01:04:58,700 --> 01:05:00,933 and meditation, all sorts. 1417 01:05:02,100 --> 01:05:03,300 [Lisa] I don't want to talk about that now. 1418 01:05:03,433 --> 01:05:05,133 I don't think art therapy's for our Lis, 1419 01:05:05,267 --> 01:05:06,400 they're gonna get a stick man out of her. 1420 01:05:06,533 --> 01:05:08,100 Many talents, but doing art's one of- 1421 01:05:08,233 --> 01:05:11,067 I don't want to talk about going into a hospice. 1422 01:05:11,133 --> 01:05:14,500 Nobody's talking about going in anywhere, darling. 1423 01:05:14,633 --> 01:05:18,367 You know, these are things you can do as a day patient. 1424 01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:19,867 They're there if you want them. 1425 01:05:20,067 --> 01:05:22,200 [whispers] Stop it. 1426 01:05:22,333 --> 01:05:23,133 [speaking normally] I'm not ready for this, 1427 01:05:23,267 --> 01:05:25,067 just stop it, please. 1428 01:05:30,500 --> 01:05:33,767 [dramatic music plays] 1429 01:05:48,767 --> 01:05:51,100 [Pete sobs] 1430 01:05:57,100 --> 01:06:00,400 [Therapist] I recommend your book to almost everybody 1431 01:06:00,533 --> 01:06:02,200 that walks in here. 1432 01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:04,667 Almost on reflex, because... 1433 01:06:06,967 --> 01:06:08,233 It's brilliant. 1434 01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,067 And funny, and honest, 1435 01:06:13,167 --> 01:06:16,100 and I have seen how it helps people. 1436 01:06:19,067 --> 01:06:22,600 Yeah, well, it's no use to me now, is it? 1437 01:06:23,933 --> 01:06:25,167 I wrote for me. 1438 01:06:27,667 --> 01:06:30,067 When I was gonna get better. 1439 01:06:31,467 --> 01:06:33,067 Then I thought all I had to do is get through the treatment, 1440 01:06:33,133 --> 01:06:36,200 and then I'd come out the other side. 1441 01:06:37,633 --> 01:06:41,633 'Cause so many people do, so many people survive. 1442 01:06:48,933 --> 01:06:51,367 I didn't have to have any more treatments 1443 01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:54,233 when they told me it'd come back. 1444 01:06:55,700 --> 01:06:58,633 You know, 'cause they'd just sacked the whole thing off. 1445 01:06:58,767 --> 01:07:01,500 But I wanted to live, obviously. 1446 01:07:03,067 --> 01:07:04,600 Only at the minute, 1447 01:07:06,300 --> 01:07:08,567 it's not, it's not obvious. 1448 01:07:10,267 --> 01:07:11,833 'Cause I'm sitting there in that treatment room, 1449 01:07:11,967 --> 01:07:16,200 thinking, why, why am I bothering with all of this? 1450 01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:21,400 And I'd never, never ever say that to my family, 1451 01:07:22,567 --> 01:07:23,800 never, but I... 1452 01:07:26,633 --> 01:07:30,733 I have to say it to someone, so I'm saying it to you. 1453 01:07:30,867 --> 01:07:33,533 [Therapist] You're angry. 1454 01:07:33,667 --> 01:07:34,500 Yeah. 1455 01:07:35,500 --> 01:07:36,900 I can't even, 1456 01:07:37,067 --> 01:07:40,500 I can't even go around the corner for a can of Coke, 1457 01:07:40,633 --> 01:07:42,767 because halfway there it will hit me, 1458 01:07:42,900 --> 01:07:46,567 and I'll panic, just the enormity of it all. 1459 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:51,733 [sobs] 1460 01:07:52,900 --> 01:07:56,267 This thing is, it's taken my independence, 1461 01:07:57,667 --> 01:08:01,933 and our optimism, and our hopes and our tentative plans 1462 01:08:04,933 --> 01:08:08,567 for the future, and anything that it hasn't already taken, 1463 01:08:08,700 --> 01:08:10,067 it one day will. 1464 01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:13,233 [sobs] 1465 01:08:19,533 --> 01:08:21,067 So you went back? 1466 01:08:21,167 --> 01:08:21,933 Mm-hmm. 1467 01:08:22,067 --> 01:08:23,733 And what happened? 1468 01:08:23,867 --> 01:08:26,133 I shouted and screamed and swore. 1469 01:08:26,267 --> 01:08:27,233 Did you want to sit down? 1470 01:08:27,367 --> 01:08:28,067 No, no, I'm okay. 1471 01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:29,633 Let's keep going. 1472 01:08:31,233 --> 01:08:33,667 She talked about mindfulness, 1473 01:08:34,867 --> 01:08:37,433 this technique where you imagine you're standing 1474 01:08:37,567 --> 01:08:39,667 in the middle of a stream, 1475 01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:43,800 and you see leaves floating down the stream, away from you. 1476 01:08:43,933 --> 01:08:45,233 Right. 1477 01:08:45,367 --> 01:08:47,100 And then, if a negative thought comes into your mind, 1478 01:08:47,233 --> 01:08:52,233 you mentally place it on the leaf, and it floats away. 1479 01:08:52,733 --> 01:08:53,667 Okay. 1480 01:08:53,800 --> 01:08:54,533 Did you do it? 1481 01:08:54,667 --> 01:08:55,733 Yeah, I tried it. 1482 01:08:55,867 --> 01:08:56,767 And? 1483 01:08:56,900 --> 01:08:57,600 I felt like shit. 1484 01:08:57,733 --> 01:08:59,767 Yeah? [laughs] 1485 01:08:59,900 --> 01:09:01,367 Apparently it takes practise. 1486 01:09:01,500 --> 01:09:04,133 Oh, and I ordered a book, which makes me quite good. 1487 01:09:04,267 --> 01:09:06,267 "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai freaking Lama. 1488 01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:07,200 Ah. 1489 01:09:07,333 --> 01:09:09,067 I've gotta sit now, babes. 1490 01:09:09,133 --> 01:09:10,167 Ooh! [grunts] 1491 01:09:10,300 --> 01:09:11,133 Me too. 1492 01:09:13,067 --> 01:09:14,633 [laughs] 1493 01:09:14,767 --> 01:09:15,900 [Lisa] What? 1494 01:09:16,067 --> 01:09:17,267 Fair play to that woman for starting it out 1495 01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:19,733 after the first appointment. 1496 01:09:19,867 --> 01:09:20,700 Oh! 1497 01:09:22,133 --> 01:09:26,900 I just keep thinking, there must be a way to do this. 1498 01:09:28,333 --> 01:09:31,467 And so I can start looking at things, like that branch, 1499 01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:35,067 or the boat, the river, and be dazzled 1500 01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:37,700 by how beautiful it is. 1501 01:09:37,833 --> 01:09:40,933 Instead of every single thing reminding me of, 1502 01:09:41,067 --> 01:09:44,900 of what I've lost, and what I'm gonna lose. 1503 01:09:45,067 --> 01:09:46,867 Are you seriously giving yourself a hard time, 1504 01:09:47,067 --> 01:09:48,533 'cause you're not reacting to terminal illness 1505 01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:50,200 in the right way? 1506 01:09:50,333 --> 01:09:51,700 No, I'm not, I just, 1507 01:09:51,833 --> 01:09:55,067 I just so badly want to get past this part, you know, 1508 01:09:55,167 --> 01:09:57,600 and get to the stage where I'm making the most of my time, 1509 01:09:57,733 --> 01:10:00,233 and I don't know, flying kites 1510 01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:04,400 across Hampstead Heath, or whatever. 1511 01:10:05,300 --> 01:10:07,633 Right, first of all, piss off. 1512 01:10:07,767 --> 01:10:09,000 Kites? 1513 01:10:09,133 --> 01:10:11,500 Shall I tell you what terminally ill people fly kites? 1514 01:10:11,633 --> 01:10:12,433 Thinking about it. 1515 01:10:12,567 --> 01:10:14,600 Pretend terminally ill people. 1516 01:10:14,733 --> 01:10:17,033 Terminally ill people in films. 1517 01:10:17,167 --> 01:10:18,833 And let me tell you something else. 1518 01:10:18,967 --> 01:10:21,500 Unlike you, they've got plenty of time on their hands 1519 01:10:21,633 --> 01:10:23,500 to do whimsical stuff like that, 1520 01:10:23,633 --> 01:10:25,367 because they don't spend most of their time 1521 01:10:25,500 --> 01:10:30,200 sitting on their asses, fighting The Bullshit in hospital. 1522 01:10:30,333 --> 01:10:34,500 So what you're saying is, I'm not really in a... 1523 01:10:36,767 --> 01:10:37,900 In a position? 1524 01:10:38,033 --> 01:10:41,533 I'm saying there is no right way to do this. 1525 01:10:43,233 --> 01:10:45,967 And we're going to find your way. 1526 01:10:47,333 --> 01:10:49,400 Okay? [laughs] 1527 01:10:49,533 --> 01:10:50,267 Okay. 1528 01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:52,333 [laughter] 1529 01:10:52,467 --> 01:10:53,800 This crying has got to stop! 1530 01:10:53,933 --> 01:10:56,267 I'm gonna dissolve! [laughs] 1531 01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:57,200 It will. 1532 01:10:58,367 --> 01:10:59,400 But not today. 1533 01:10:59,533 --> 01:11:01,800 [laughter] 1534 01:11:03,233 --> 01:11:05,067 [Lisa] Thanks, mate. 1535 01:11:06,167 --> 01:11:09,267 [Therapist] How are you feeling in yourself? 1536 01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:11,233 I'm a little better. 1537 01:11:13,067 --> 01:11:15,567 [Therapist] Getting any more sleep? 1538 01:11:15,700 --> 01:11:16,967 Yeah. 1539 01:11:17,100 --> 01:11:19,867 A bit more than I have been. 1540 01:11:20,067 --> 01:11:21,600 I'm feeling less panicky. 1541 01:11:21,733 --> 01:11:25,867 Brilliant, so, do you feel more in control? 1542 01:11:26,067 --> 01:11:26,833 Is that... 1543 01:11:28,067 --> 01:11:29,467 Is that something that's happened? 1544 01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:33,100 Are you doing anything differently? 1545 01:11:33,233 --> 01:11:34,067 I have. 1546 01:11:35,267 --> 01:11:38,633 I've been writing down passwords for things. 1547 01:11:38,767 --> 01:11:41,933 For paying bills online, and my email. 1548 01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:45,567 Or I keep imagining the scenario in which 1549 01:11:45,700 --> 01:11:47,267 the wireless router needs resetting, 1550 01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:49,767 and I hadn't left Pete with the instructions 1551 01:11:49,900 --> 01:11:51,933 of how to do it. 1552 01:11:52,067 --> 01:11:54,233 Are you blogging about it? 1553 01:11:54,367 --> 01:11:55,433 The router? 1554 01:12:00,733 --> 01:12:02,467 Your fear of death. 1555 01:12:05,133 --> 01:12:06,533 No, I'm British. 1556 01:12:07,700 --> 01:12:10,067 We just don't talk about death, do we? 1557 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:11,700 [soft music plays] 1558 01:12:11,833 --> 01:12:13,767 But I do miss the blog. 1559 01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:18,267 Not 'cause I feel like writing, 1560 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:19,233 I don't. 1561 01:12:21,067 --> 01:12:22,833 It was for me. 1562 01:12:22,967 --> 01:12:25,800 It was for making sense of things. 1563 01:12:26,900 --> 01:12:30,367 But you can't make sense of this, can you? 1564 01:12:32,067 --> 01:12:33,467 But I do miss it. 1565 01:12:34,900 --> 01:12:39,067 'Cause whatever it was that was happening before, 1566 01:12:40,133 --> 01:12:41,900 even when my life was on hold, in fact, 1567 01:12:42,067 --> 01:12:45,367 especially when my life was on hold, 1568 01:12:45,500 --> 01:12:47,567 was it gave me a purpose. 1569 01:12:49,500 --> 01:12:52,933 And the thing is, I still need a purpose. 1570 01:12:53,900 --> 01:12:55,067 I keep waiting for the morning 1571 01:12:55,167 --> 01:12:55,967 when I don't feel it all rushing up 1572 01:12:56,100 --> 01:12:57,533 towards me, you know? 1573 01:12:57,667 --> 01:13:00,100 Or I do, I do feel that, but then there's still something 1574 01:13:00,233 --> 01:13:03,067 that I want to get out of bed for. 1575 01:13:04,267 --> 01:13:05,067 Yeah. 1576 01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:10,400 That's when I'll know I've turned a corner. 1577 01:13:18,433 --> 01:13:20,367 Well, like a big project? 1578 01:13:20,500 --> 01:13:21,800 Yeah, dad, I'm gonna swim the Channel. 1579 01:13:21,933 --> 01:13:23,267 All right, sarky sod. 1580 01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,067 Though knowing you, I wouldn't put it past you. 1581 01:13:25,133 --> 01:13:26,833 No, no, no big projects, 1582 01:13:26,967 --> 01:13:30,067 I just, I want to do what it is I do, 1583 01:13:30,967 --> 01:13:32,500 you know, what I've always done. 1584 01:13:32,633 --> 01:13:35,733 Like watch Coronation Street, paint my toenails, 1585 01:13:35,867 --> 01:13:37,633 talk about what we're having for tea, 1586 01:13:37,767 --> 01:13:39,367 argue about which box set we're gonna watch. 1587 01:13:39,500 --> 01:13:40,767 Normal stuff. 1588 01:13:40,900 --> 01:13:41,733 Yeah. 1589 01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:43,300 [Ian] Hmm. 1590 01:13:43,433 --> 01:13:44,500 [phone chimes] 1591 01:13:44,633 --> 01:13:46,067 Replying to emails. 1592 01:13:46,167 --> 01:13:47,500 [Ian] Oh, I can see you're raring to go on that one. 1593 01:13:47,633 --> 01:13:49,967 Oh, it's just that every text, call, and email I get 1594 01:13:50,100 --> 01:13:51,600 is people asking how I am, 1595 01:13:51,733 --> 01:13:53,567 and saying that they're thinking about me. 1596 01:13:53,700 --> 01:13:54,833 I know that sounds really ungrateful, 1597 01:13:54,967 --> 01:13:56,567 but it's suffocating, you know? 1598 01:13:56,700 --> 01:13:59,067 Bet there's a fair few grief trolls among them. 1599 01:13:59,167 --> 01:14:01,200 Oh, hello, who's this? 1600 01:14:01,333 --> 01:14:03,500 Mom, how do you know that phrase? 1601 01:14:03,633 --> 01:14:05,567 The internet, obviously. 1602 01:14:05,700 --> 01:14:07,067 You know, there always were grief trolls. 1603 01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:09,200 I mean, you only have to go down the shopping centre, 1604 01:14:09,333 --> 01:14:12,667 and certain people, if they've heard something's wrong, 1605 01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:14,533 make a beeline for you. 1606 01:14:14,667 --> 01:14:16,333 Do you know, the only people I can really talk to, 1607 01:14:16,467 --> 01:14:18,833 and never ask questions or mention health, 1608 01:14:18,967 --> 01:14:20,833 is Kris, Anya, and Ellie? 1609 01:14:20,967 --> 01:14:22,733 You know, the three girls I met online? 1610 01:14:22,867 --> 01:14:24,800 We've got secondaries as well. 1611 01:14:24,933 --> 01:14:27,167 Maybe Miles, I've got Brandon sending me eulogies, 1612 01:14:27,300 --> 01:14:29,333 this is somebody that I worked with years ago, 1613 01:14:29,467 --> 01:14:30,567 didn't even like me. 1614 01:14:30,700 --> 01:14:32,067 Well, don't answer. 1615 01:14:32,167 --> 01:14:33,500 Well, I have to, or she'll think I've cocked it. 1616 01:14:33,633 --> 01:14:34,600 Hey, come here! 1617 01:14:34,733 --> 01:14:35,800 Hey! 1618 01:14:35,933 --> 01:14:36,600 [Ian] I could deal with that one. 1619 01:14:36,733 --> 01:14:37,400 What are you doing? 1620 01:14:37,533 --> 01:14:38,333 What is it, reply? 1621 01:14:38,467 --> 01:14:39,567 Oh well, I'll just hit reply. 1622 01:14:39,700 --> 01:14:43,333 "Dear so-and-so, B-A-C-O-N," send. 1623 01:14:43,467 --> 01:14:44,267 -[phone beeps] -There you are. 1624 01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:45,667 No, you did not send that! 1625 01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:48,067 It's an answer, it's telling her it's an answer, 1626 01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:50,833 I'm still here, but I'm not chatting to you, 1627 01:14:50,967 --> 01:14:51,667 thank you very much! 1628 01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:53,067 There you are! 1629 01:14:53,133 --> 01:14:55,633 Only bother with people who are helpful to you. 1630 01:14:55,767 --> 01:14:56,900 You know, you have things to do, 1631 01:14:57,067 --> 01:14:59,167 and they have to let you get on with it. 1632 01:14:59,300 --> 01:15:02,733 Don't understand that, well then, excuse me, bugger them. 1633 01:15:02,867 --> 01:15:05,167 [laughter] 1634 01:15:05,300 --> 01:15:06,533 Bacon. 1635 01:15:06,667 --> 01:15:08,067 Right. 1636 01:15:08,167 --> 01:15:10,467 Who's up for hottest curry South London's got to offer? 1637 01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:13,867 Balti Kashmir chicken, vegetable biriyani, naan bread- 1638 01:15:14,067 --> 01:15:16,367 And saag aloo, and to follow! 1639 01:15:16,500 --> 01:15:18,433 I know what will follow if I eat all that, I tell you. 1640 01:15:18,567 --> 01:15:19,633 Oh, Ian! 1641 01:15:19,767 --> 01:15:23,067 The entire first season of West Wing. 1642 01:15:23,167 --> 01:15:24,500 [Jane] [laughs] For goodness sake! 1643 01:15:24,633 --> 01:15:26,633 [Ian] Yeah, all right. 1644 01:15:27,967 --> 01:15:28,667 I'm in. 1645 01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:29,900 [Ian] Okay, then. 1646 01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,100 Only fools and horses, perhaps. 1647 01:15:31,233 --> 01:15:34,300 [indistinct chatter] 1648 01:15:36,067 --> 01:15:40,700 How would you feel about stopping treatment for a bit? 1649 01:15:42,100 --> 01:15:42,933 Why? 1650 01:15:44,633 --> 01:15:46,433 Is it not working? 1651 01:15:46,567 --> 01:15:49,767 On the contrary, it is working. 1652 01:15:49,900 --> 01:15:52,200 It's working really well. 1653 01:15:52,333 --> 01:15:54,167 Now, the cancer has done what the cancer has done, 1654 01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:57,600 and there's no way for us to reverse that, yeah? 1655 01:15:57,733 --> 01:16:02,633 But we put you on this course of treatment to stabilise you, 1656 01:16:02,767 --> 01:16:04,933 and that is exactly what has happened. 1657 01:16:05,067 --> 01:16:06,833 You've gone from this, 1658 01:16:07,867 --> 01:16:08,700 to this. 1659 01:16:10,067 --> 01:16:10,867 So... 1660 01:16:12,500 --> 01:16:14,533 What exactly does that mean? 1661 01:16:14,667 --> 01:16:17,800 It means you deserve a break. 1662 01:16:17,933 --> 01:16:19,400 Take a couple of months off. 1663 01:16:19,533 --> 01:16:21,567 And then we'll see where we're at. 1664 01:16:21,700 --> 01:16:24,100 A couple of months? 1665 01:16:24,233 --> 01:16:24,933 And no chemo? 1666 01:16:25,067 --> 01:16:26,133 [Doctor] No chemo. 1667 01:16:26,267 --> 01:16:28,467 No coming in here. [laughs] 1668 01:16:28,600 --> 01:16:29,533 It sounds like I've- 1669 01:16:29,667 --> 01:16:30,567 Go on holiday. 1670 01:16:30,700 --> 01:16:31,500 Do whatever you want to do. 1671 01:16:31,633 --> 01:16:32,333 Really? [laughs] 1672 01:16:32,467 --> 01:16:33,267 [Doctor] Yeah. 1673 01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:35,733 Two months enjoying yourselves. 1674 01:16:35,867 --> 01:16:37,167 Go on, get out of here, I want to see the back of you. 1675 01:16:37,300 --> 01:16:38,800 [laughter] 1676 01:16:38,933 --> 01:16:41,867 [soft music plays] 1677 01:16:42,800 --> 01:16:44,300 [Lisa sighs] 1678 01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:46,133 Feels kind of normal to be here. 1679 01:16:46,267 --> 01:16:47,300 I love it. 1680 01:16:47,433 --> 01:16:48,333 It's weird. 1681 01:16:53,900 --> 01:16:55,933 Do you think we'll be okay? 1682 01:16:56,067 --> 01:16:56,900 Yeah. 1683 01:16:58,167 --> 01:16:59,433 They're really happy with you, and- 1684 01:16:59,567 --> 01:17:00,700 No, I mean, 1685 01:17:01,633 --> 01:17:03,800 it's gonna be new, isn't it? 1686 01:17:03,933 --> 01:17:04,933 You know, we've had our routine, 1687 01:17:05,067 --> 01:17:07,433 hospital days, recovery days. 1688 01:17:10,133 --> 01:17:11,533 You're nervous. 1689 01:17:12,467 --> 01:17:15,200 Yeah. [laughs] 1690 01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:17,233 Me too. 1691 01:17:21,700 --> 01:17:22,533 Oh! 1692 01:17:24,267 --> 01:17:25,767 So nice to be out. 1693 01:17:28,233 --> 01:17:29,067 I know. 1694 01:17:35,467 --> 01:17:36,800 You look different. 1695 01:17:36,933 --> 01:17:37,767 How? 1696 01:17:40,300 --> 01:17:42,333 Like a boyfriend person. 1697 01:17:42,467 --> 01:17:44,567 Less like a carer person. 1698 01:17:48,900 --> 01:17:51,733 [Lisa laughs] 1699 01:17:51,867 --> 01:17:52,633 [kisses] 1700 01:17:52,767 --> 01:17:55,833 [Lisa clears throat] 1701 01:17:57,267 --> 01:17:59,233 Do you want another beer? 1702 01:17:59,367 --> 01:18:00,833 No, no, no, no. 1703 01:18:03,533 --> 01:18:05,500 We are having champagne. 1704 01:18:09,300 --> 01:18:11,700 [Lisa sighs] 1705 01:18:15,167 --> 01:18:17,233 So, how does the queen size room compare 1706 01:18:17,367 --> 01:18:18,733 to the king size room? 1707 01:18:18,867 --> 01:18:21,133 They are looking to price two first class tickets 1708 01:18:21,267 --> 01:18:22,300 to New York. 1709 01:18:22,433 --> 01:18:24,433 Yeah, Lisa Jane Lynch. 1710 01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:27,167 30th of August, 1979. 1711 01:18:28,167 --> 01:18:29,200 Yeah. 1712 01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:30,167 Cancer. 1713 01:18:35,333 --> 01:18:36,967 [Lisa mimics buzzer] 1714 01:18:37,100 --> 01:18:37,933 Denied. 1715 01:18:39,333 --> 01:18:40,667 America doesn't want us. 1716 01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:41,900 Well, they love you, apparently, 1717 01:18:42,067 --> 01:18:43,233 but they're not having any of me. 1718 01:18:43,367 --> 01:18:45,667 I am uninsurable, apparently. 1719 01:18:45,800 --> 01:18:47,167 Shit! 1720 01:18:47,300 --> 01:18:49,800 Though some kind soul did say she could pull some strings. 1721 01:18:49,933 --> 01:18:51,733 Get me covered for 36,000. 1722 01:18:51,867 --> 01:18:52,767 -Pounds? -Uh-huh. 1723 01:18:52,900 --> 01:18:53,600 For the week? 1724 01:18:53,733 --> 01:18:54,800 For four days. 1725 01:18:54,933 --> 01:18:56,633 So that was a long shot. 1726 01:18:56,767 --> 01:19:00,600 Think she was just being nice, bless her. 1727 01:19:00,733 --> 01:19:02,867 Babe, I wasn't even that bothered. 1728 01:19:03,067 --> 01:19:04,067 Do you know that? 1729 01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:05,200 I think we felt under pressure to go 1730 01:19:05,333 --> 01:19:07,733 and do something amazing. 1731 01:19:07,867 --> 01:19:08,567 No. 1732 01:19:08,700 --> 01:19:09,400 [water swirls] 1733 01:19:09,533 --> 01:19:10,933 I did want to go. 1734 01:19:13,500 --> 01:19:15,633 But I don't want to anymore. 1735 01:19:15,767 --> 01:19:16,467 [door slams] 1736 01:19:16,600 --> 01:19:19,100 We are going to Spain. 1737 01:19:19,233 --> 01:19:22,167 [insects chirping] 1738 01:19:24,533 --> 01:19:27,300 [birds chirping] 1739 01:19:33,067 --> 01:19:35,933 [soft music plays] 1740 01:19:52,833 --> 01:19:54,933 [kisses] 1741 01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:44,900 [water laps] 1742 01:21:19,433 --> 01:21:21,367 Can you splash the water? 1743 01:21:21,500 --> 01:21:23,200 [speaks baby talk] 1744 01:21:23,333 --> 01:21:25,233 Like this. [mimics music] 1745 01:21:25,367 --> 01:21:26,300 Super baby! 1746 01:21:27,233 --> 01:21:28,133 Super baby! 1747 01:21:29,867 --> 01:21:33,167 Super baby! [laughs] 1748 01:21:33,300 --> 01:21:35,833 [speaks baby talk] 1749 01:21:35,967 --> 01:21:37,433 [baby coos] 1750 01:21:37,567 --> 01:21:38,533 [Pete whistles] 1751 01:21:38,667 --> 01:21:40,167 Afternoon. [laughs] 1752 01:21:40,300 --> 01:21:41,800 Hello. 1753 01:21:41,933 --> 01:21:43,067 [kisses] 1754 01:21:43,167 --> 01:21:44,533 Did you still want me to go to the supermarket? 1755 01:21:44,667 --> 01:21:47,067 Yes, please, I would like a Lilo with a drinks holder, 1756 01:21:47,200 --> 01:21:50,367 and some of those funny-shaped crisps. 1757 01:21:52,400 --> 01:21:53,100 Looking fit. 1758 01:21:53,233 --> 01:21:54,333 [loud splash] 1759 01:21:54,467 --> 01:21:55,267 Hey! 1760 01:21:55,400 --> 01:21:57,133 That was silly daddy! 1761 01:21:57,267 --> 01:21:59,333 Arseface, tell him how. 1762 01:21:59,467 --> 01:22:00,467 [Pete] I love you. 1763 01:22:00,600 --> 01:22:01,500 See you in a bit. 1764 01:22:01,633 --> 01:22:02,800 Mwah! 1765 01:22:02,933 --> 01:22:04,600 * Cause I love summer no Rachel Bilson * 1766 01:22:04,733 --> 01:22:06,067 * Yes, the winter will come * 1767 01:22:06,133 --> 01:22:08,100 * We just have parties inside it's still fun * 1768 01:22:08,233 --> 01:22:09,500 * We're jammin', pump this, we're bangin' * 1769 01:22:09,633 --> 01:22:11,500 * Change your boyfriend, let's have him * 1770 01:22:11,633 --> 01:22:13,700 * We're rowdy, girls make our judgement cloudy * 1771 01:22:13,833 --> 01:22:16,167 * But when the sun comes out we're still alcys * 1772 01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:18,433 * We don't wanna be lousy or shameless * 1773 01:22:18,567 --> 01:22:20,500 * But we're running 'round like we're brainless * 1774 01:22:20,633 --> 01:22:23,633 * Now I've got grass stains on my brand new white trainers * 1775 01:22:23,767 --> 01:22:24,933 Oh! 1776 01:22:25,067 --> 01:22:27,067 [Pete] You're disturbing the neighbours. 1777 01:22:27,167 --> 01:22:29,067 I was quite enjoying it, though. 1778 01:22:29,133 --> 01:22:31,400 I'm a good rapper, aren't I? 1779 01:22:31,533 --> 01:22:32,367 No. 1780 01:22:33,767 --> 01:22:34,967 [water splashes] 1781 01:22:35,100 --> 01:22:36,867 [laughter] 1782 01:22:37,067 --> 01:22:39,900 [insects chirping] 1783 01:22:51,267 --> 01:22:53,933 [chair scrapes] 1784 01:22:56,200 --> 01:22:58,067 She likes that Lama. 1785 01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:01,733 Yeah, she really does. 1786 01:23:05,733 --> 01:23:06,833 Small doses, though, you know. 1787 01:23:06,967 --> 01:23:08,067 She'll have the iPad out next, and she'll be on 1788 01:23:08,200 --> 01:23:10,367 to the Daily Mail sidebar. 1789 01:23:21,267 --> 01:23:23,867 [phone chimes] 1790 01:23:30,133 --> 01:23:30,833 Hey, babe. 1791 01:23:30,967 --> 01:23:32,067 What's wrong? 1792 01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:33,867 [Lisa] Sorry to call you at work. 1793 01:23:34,067 --> 01:23:35,233 [Pete] It doesn't matter. 1794 01:23:35,367 --> 01:23:36,300 What is it? 1795 01:23:37,500 --> 01:23:39,067 [Lisa] Remember Anya? 1796 01:23:39,167 --> 01:23:40,200 Of course. 1797 01:23:40,333 --> 01:23:41,967 Jazz pianist from Brighton who recommended 1798 01:23:42,100 --> 01:23:43,833 the cream for your ass. [laughs] 1799 01:23:43,967 --> 01:23:48,800 [Lisa] [laughs uncomfortably] She died. 1800 01:23:50,133 --> 01:23:53,233 It was me, her, Kris and Ellie. 1801 01:23:53,367 --> 01:23:54,700 All bloggers, always secondaries, 1802 01:23:54,833 --> 01:23:57,500 all in the same leaky boat. 1803 01:23:57,633 --> 01:23:58,967 She's the first. 1804 01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:03,700 I'm coming home. 1805 01:24:04,633 --> 01:24:05,467 [kisses] 1806 01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,667 [kisses] 1807 01:24:15,567 --> 01:24:18,233 [waves rushing] 1808 01:24:26,133 --> 01:24:29,233 [sea birds chirping] 1809 01:24:41,700 --> 01:24:42,933 [Ellie] Lisa! 1810 01:24:45,533 --> 01:24:46,700 Ellie, Kris! 1811 01:24:47,900 --> 01:24:48,733 ["Darkness Descends" by Laura Marling plays] 1812 01:24:48,867 --> 01:24:50,467 [Ellie] We made it. 1813 01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:53,167 * You're holding bits of styrofoam * 1814 01:24:53,300 --> 01:24:55,633 * With your face painted on to your friends * 1815 01:24:55,767 --> 01:24:56,467 Hi! 1816 01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:57,467 We did it! 1817 01:24:57,600 --> 01:24:58,433 We made it! 1818 01:24:58,567 --> 01:24:59,700 [laughter] 1819 01:24:59,833 --> 01:25:01,733 * You listen to them whine and moan * 1820 01:25:01,867 --> 01:25:06,800 * About everything you can't understand * 1821 01:25:08,467 --> 01:25:12,600 * Can I just say I don't fear the light * 1822 01:25:12,733 --> 01:25:17,733 * But darkness descends once more into my life * 1823 01:25:18,967 --> 01:25:22,333 * And suddenly we're all alone in silence * 1824 01:25:22,467 --> 01:25:25,800 * So I take a step away * 1825 01:25:28,900 --> 01:25:30,167 Oh God, I hate some of this stuff 1826 01:25:30,300 --> 01:25:31,700 that they come out with! 1827 01:25:31,833 --> 01:25:34,467 You've got to turn a negative into a positive. 1828 01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:35,667 I hate that. 1829 01:25:35,800 --> 01:25:37,067 Yeah, that's annoying, but kind of true. 1830 01:25:37,133 --> 01:25:39,167 Yeah, it's true. 1831 01:25:39,300 --> 01:25:41,100 My cat died of that. 1832 01:25:41,233 --> 01:25:42,333 No. 1833 01:25:42,467 --> 01:25:44,133 My cat actually died of breast cancer. 1834 01:25:44,267 --> 01:25:47,100 No, no one said that, did they actually say that to you? 1835 01:25:47,233 --> 01:25:48,133 Actually, yeah. 1836 01:25:48,267 --> 01:25:49,400 You don't look ill. 1837 01:25:49,533 --> 01:25:50,233 But you don't. [laughs] 1838 01:25:50,367 --> 01:25:51,233 Well, no. 1839 01:25:51,367 --> 01:25:53,633 -[laughter] -You don't! 1840 01:25:53,767 --> 01:25:57,200 I hate everything happens for a reason. 1841 01:26:03,733 --> 01:26:05,133 What do you have, Ellies? 1842 01:26:05,267 --> 01:26:07,767 Oh come on, this was the plan. 1843 01:26:07,900 --> 01:26:09,467 In fact, yes, yes! 1844 01:26:09,600 --> 01:26:10,967 Yes, yes it was. 1845 01:26:11,100 --> 01:26:12,133 Okay. 1846 01:26:12,267 --> 01:26:13,400 [laughter] 1847 01:26:13,533 --> 01:26:14,900 [Lisa] I'm gonna be hammered. 1848 01:26:15,067 --> 01:26:16,833 Will you help me, I'll be wobbling with me stick. 1849 01:26:16,967 --> 01:26:17,767 [Kris] Jesus. 1850 01:26:17,900 --> 01:26:18,733 Okay. 1851 01:26:20,767 --> 01:26:22,567 [Kris] To Anya. 1852 01:26:22,700 --> 01:26:23,400 To Anya. 1853 01:26:23,533 --> 01:26:25,467 [glasses klink] 1854 01:26:25,600 --> 01:26:28,533 [soft music plays] 1855 01:26:32,800 --> 01:26:34,900 Oh God! [laughs] 1856 01:26:35,067 --> 01:26:36,800 [laughs] It goes down nice, doesn't it? 1857 01:26:36,933 --> 01:26:38,300 That's good. 1858 01:26:38,433 --> 01:26:39,467 All right, should we go to the pier? 1859 01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:40,400 One more. 1860 01:26:40,533 --> 01:26:42,067 Oh! [laughs] 1861 01:26:42,133 --> 01:26:42,933 [Ellie] One more! 1862 01:26:43,067 --> 01:26:44,300 [Lisa] Yes, for Anya, come on. 1863 01:26:44,433 --> 01:26:46,267 [Ellie] Okay, to Anya. 1864 01:26:46,400 --> 01:26:47,467 [glasses klink] 1865 01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:48,533 And life. 1866 01:26:49,567 --> 01:26:50,400 To life. 1867 01:26:54,800 --> 01:26:55,500 Oh! 1868 01:26:55,633 --> 01:26:56,800 [Kris coughs] 1869 01:26:56,933 --> 01:26:57,733 [Lisa coughs] 1870 01:26:57,867 --> 01:26:58,767 Okay. 1871 01:26:58,900 --> 01:27:00,267 Pier, yes? 1872 01:27:00,400 --> 01:27:03,067 But I need a wee, so... 1873 01:27:03,133 --> 01:27:05,800 Probably gonna be sunset by the time we get there. 1874 01:27:05,933 --> 01:27:09,067 We might need a torch. [laughs] 1875 01:27:09,167 --> 01:27:10,967 I think I'm gonna need your walking stick now. 1876 01:27:11,100 --> 01:27:13,300 [laughter] 1877 01:27:13,433 --> 01:27:16,933 [everyone grunts, kisses] 1878 01:27:18,100 --> 01:27:18,800 [Lisa] We'll speak later, yeah? 1879 01:27:18,933 --> 01:27:20,233 Yeah! 1880 01:27:20,367 --> 01:27:21,467 [Ellie] Are you sure you're gonna be all right? 1881 01:27:21,600 --> 01:27:22,067 Yeah, I'll be fine, Pete's on his way. 1882 01:27:22,167 --> 01:27:23,367 Okay. 1883 01:27:23,500 --> 01:27:24,533 Bye. 1884 01:27:24,667 --> 01:27:26,433 Thank you for the best day! 1885 01:27:26,567 --> 01:27:28,800 [laughter] 1886 01:27:32,233 --> 01:27:33,600 [Lisa sighs] 1887 01:27:33,733 --> 01:27:36,800 I started this blog for me, because I'm a selfish sod, 1888 01:27:36,933 --> 01:27:39,433 And writing's how I sort out how I feel about things. 1889 01:27:39,567 --> 01:27:42,800 ["Powder Blue" by Elbow plays] 1890 01:27:42,933 --> 01:27:44,300 [Jane] Ian! 1891 01:27:44,433 --> 01:27:45,233 [Lisa] But I haven't half met some amazing people 1892 01:27:45,367 --> 01:27:47,067 in the process. 1893 01:27:47,200 --> 01:27:49,900 One of them, Anya, died last week, 1894 01:27:50,067 --> 01:27:53,300 and today, I've been toasting her life. 1895 01:27:54,600 --> 01:27:57,800 Trust me, a cup of tea just wouldn't cut it. 1896 01:27:57,933 --> 01:28:01,667 But holding up a snifter of whiskey felt right. 1897 01:28:01,800 --> 01:28:04,567 I don't want you to go reading too much into this post, 1898 01:28:04,700 --> 01:28:08,800 but grief is hardly something you can rehearse. 1899 01:28:08,933 --> 01:28:10,267 I'm just saying, 1900 01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:15,100 there's a lot to celebrate. 1901 01:28:15,233 --> 01:28:19,700 * Your eyes are just like black spiders * 1902 01:28:19,833 --> 01:28:24,833 * Your hair and dress in ribbons * 1903 01:28:25,500 --> 01:28:29,933 * Babycakes * 1904 01:28:30,067 --> 01:28:35,067 * In despair or incoherent, nothing in between * 1905 01:28:37,500 --> 01:28:41,267 * China white, my bride tonight * 1906 01:28:41,400 --> 01:28:46,400 * Smiling on the tiles * 1907 01:28:47,333 --> 01:28:50,167 * Bring that minute back * 1908 01:28:50,300 --> 01:28:53,833 * We never get so close as when * 1909 01:28:53,967 --> 01:28:58,967 * The sunward flight begins * 1910 01:28:59,867 --> 01:29:04,333 * I share it all with you * 1911 01:29:05,733 --> 01:29:08,567 * Powder blue, oh * 1912 01:29:18,467 --> 01:29:22,433 * Stumble through the crowds together * 1913 01:29:22,567 --> 01:29:27,567 * They're trying to ignore us * 1914 01:29:28,200 --> 01:29:32,633 * That's okay * 1915 01:29:32,767 --> 01:29:37,267 * I'm proud to be the one you hold... * 1916 01:29:39,167 --> 01:29:41,500 [whooshing] 121336

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