Original subtitles

This is me and I hate my life. It wasn't always this way. I

used to live in a big house, in a big city that so easily

swallowed you up it left you naked with your own petty

significance. It was perfect.

I wasn't even a blip on the radar. Then my dad had to go

fuck it up literally.

Sing for me my angel of music.

That's my dad.

George!

Oh, hey mom!

I can explain.

I don't know how dad tried to explain nailing the maid up the

pooper, but oddly enough, It didn't work.

So I got landed here. Shitsville, U.S.A.

Fuck, I hope they have pesticide for lunch.

How was Hendrix?

Twatkins High?

Hurry up, you don't want to be late.

Late? Considering we just drove fifteen hundred miles so I can

get a diploma that read Twatkins High, late really isn't the

issue right now.

This toolbag is Jordan Davies.

Quarterback and head douchebaggery of Twatkins High.

Who the fuck are you?

Kelvin, Kelvin Anis.

Dude, did you just say your name was anus?

What a douche.

Now, when your last name is Anis you kind of expect the name

calling. It's best to just let it go.

Actually, I said Anis. But its cool man it happens all the

time. Let it go.

You know, not all the time, you know.

Just let it go.

The last kid who did it, he was kind of slow. I'm not saying

you're slow, it's just, he liked to eat his own...

Stupid.

Need a hand?

No. What makes you think I need help?

You're wearing a guitar, I...

What? Holy shit, look at that. Man, it's a good thing you were

here. Otherwise, how would I have ever known that I was

stuck in a guitar.

Fine, whatever.

Wait. Wait, wait.

Now you want my help.

Yes, alright, I want your help. Fuck, you know, why don't you

just rub your balls in my face. Come on, come on, just lift up.

What happened? Dude, hold still.

It's fucking sharp, man. It hurts.

Alright, what do you want me to do?

Slow. Slow.

Can you shut up for a second? Let me just...

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Alright. It's just really on there.

Ooh, watch the nipple, watch the nipple. Ow!

Here you go.

Good morning.

Well, hello there young man and how are you today?

Fine, thanks. Um, I just transferred here. I was told to

stop by and pick up my schedule.

Well, aren't you just a silly goose. I know who you are.

You're Jessica's son. Got your class schedule right around here

somewhere. Kelvin, right?

Uh, yeah that's right.

Oh, don't look so surprised. It's not like I'm one of those

psychics or anything.

Why don't you take this and have a seat

over there. It'll just take a few minutes.

Somebody kill me.

Okay, folks there it is. Six weeks.

What does it all mean? It means it's going to be

party time. It's going to be midterms. So you're going to

have to knuckle down between now and then. We got a lot of

material to cover, right? So if you hear the word penis, vagina,

you know, don't start giggling. This is grade twelve biology,

okay? Are we all in agreement here?

It's party time right from the start.

Mr. Flaherty, how nice of you to join us.

Any time, sir.

Mr. Flaherty, need I remind you that your grievous test scores

from last year are some of the worst I've seen in my twenty-two

years of teaching. So, maybe if you made it on time and maybe

paid attention, you just might be able to scrape together a

decent score without a negative sign in front of it in the end.

I'm sorry, but maybe you didn't notice me carrying this around.

Do you think it's possible that there might be a reason that I

was fucking late?

Congratulations, Mr. Flaherty, you've earned a trip to the

principal's office on your very first day. I'm sure your parents

will be very pleased.

What the hell sir? You're pissing on me for being, like

five seconds late, when those knob jobs took my guitar's

virginity using my fucking head!

Alright, that's it, Flaherty! You're out of here!

Okay, sir. Look, calm down, okay. How about I say I'm sorry

for being late and you let go of my sack for a bit?

Out!

Sir?

Get out of here!

Slut. Asshole. Hoe. Shithead.

So gross.

This coming from the V.D. pi?ata. Hey, did you ever get

your tampons the condoms they asked for? Bitch.

Have a nice day.

That's what you get. Yeah, yeah. Take it. Yeah.

Take it. Take it.

Um, Fritz, what are you doing, man?

Hey, Carla. I, uh, that's not what it looked like.

Right.

You thought that I was?

No, no. I mean, you see this?

This is a no felashe zone.

So, as long as you're the felatee it's okay, then?

Yeah. Guess I just have to find me a felateur.

I'm in.

Wait, wait. I, uh, I haven't heard you singing on

Main Street lately.

You've seen me sing?

Yeah. I mean, uh, I've passed by. You know?

Yeah, well unfortunately you won't see me there any time soon

because my brother is off to school. I don't have any music

to sing to.

How about a stereo?

Well, I mean, it's not quite the same as live, but I guess if I

get desperate? I guess I will.

Cool.

Fritz, I'm going to go to the bathroom now.

Right, yeah. Go ahead.

Okay.

Word to your mother.

Vanilla Ice.

Carla Cummings finally talks to you and you

quote Vanilla fucking Ice?

God, I'm like the poster child for spermicide.

Hey.

Hey.

How's the guitar?

Don't know. Probably filing a harassment suit.

Wasn't even my type. Hold this.

What the hell is this?

What?

McDonald's or Wendy's?

Oh, it's for rating girl's ninja slippers.

I like to know how I'm dining.

What?

Look, you know how a Mac Do's hamburger has that perfect bun

seal and then a Wendy's Burg always has that little extra

flap of meat hanging out?

Flaherty, get in here!

Ah, crap. Later.

Later.

This is bullshit, John!

I'm telling you guys,

it's possible that there is a slight chance that

Carla Cummings may not be completely disgusted

by the idea of having me in,

or at least in close proximity to her mouth.

Dude, you've been trying to talk to this girl

since junior year.

Have you even tried to make a move?

Look, you weren't there, alright.

First of all, her name is Carla Cummings, okay.

Cummings. That's like pornstar styley.

Good point, my friend. Good point.

I know.

Hey dude, look.

Attention T. Watkins High students.

We have a new student today.

Please, make sure you welcome Kelvin Anis

to the school. Have a great afternoon.

How's your first day going, Anus?

Oh, wow. Wow.

Uh, hey, dude, you got a mint or something?

Gum?

What?

I just didn't know they were serving

garbage, dude. How was it?

Listen, you little fuck.

Some people may think that you being

from Hollywood makes you hot shit,

but that don't make it so.

You were a loser there. And you're a loser here.

Dude, at least I'm consistent.

Hey! Move it along, Davies.

Let go of me, Mr. Clean. Shouldn't you be washing

my shit out of the toilets or something?

I said, move it along, Davies.

See you around, Anus.

Jordan Davies' bad side.

It's not a good place to be, kid.

You better watch your back.

It's cool, everything's been coming from the front.

You're crazy.

What's up?

Don't do it.

Do what?

Be a hero. It's not worth it.

Who is she?

From the tent you're pitching, I'm guessing you're

talking about Valerie Ward.

- Tent I'm pitching? - Yeah, I see it.

Forget it. If we even had a league,

there would still be a better league

we'd need to get into

before she was simply out of our league.

Come on, you're telling me that Davies is in her league?

That recycled douchebag?

Pfft. He wishes.

That there my friend is one hundred percent,

prime cut, felashe mignon.

He'd have a better chance entering a convent.

Hey I thought the hero always got the girl?

What are you fucking kidding me?

Does Spiderman ever give the pink slider to Mary Jane?

Does Batman ever give Cat Woman the one-eyed dolphin?

You know a lot of names for penis.

- About ninety-three, yeah. - Wow.

Aids Grenade, Fallopian Fiddler, Hymen Hammer,

Beaver Cleaver, Vagina Miner, Twelve inch

Train of Pain...

Okay. Gosh. Alright, I got to go.

Good idea. Good idea. Today is a good day to die.

I know they don't like me. They like you even less.

Why?

Cause you're the new kid. You're a threat.

It's a good thing I don't have a guitar so.

No? Got a granola bar?

Granola bar?

Believe me.

When they want to they can be real creative.

Look, football practice is in a few hours,

we usually hang out inside until then.

Who's we?

Come on I'll show you.

I know what you're thinking.

Did he fire six shots or only five?

Well, the truth with all this excitement,

I kind of lost track myself.

But being this is a forty-four Magnum,

the most powerful handgun in the world

and would blow your head clean off,

you got to ask yourself one question.

Do I feel lucky?

Well, do ya punk?

Don't rush me.

And that was too easy. Dirty Harry.

Okay, let's do this.

About damn time.

That's inconceivable.

The Sicilian. Princess Bride.

Scissors beats paper, big shock.

Let me guess.

Cheddar was losing so he took his time on the next round,

hoping to lure Rerun into a false sense of security.

Now, we all know that Rerun is impatient so he

probably began babbling on about some film factoid

in order to fill the gaping silence.

Cheddar entertained the conversation,

nodding here and replying there, until he could find a point

of weakness in the meaningless drivel.

And then Cheddar restarted the match.

Because you thought given the state of Rerun's duress,

he would throw what would take the least amount of motor skill

effort, this of course being rock.

So Cheddar throws paper.

But, you forgot, Cheddar, is that Rerun's favorite movie

the most ready to go drive through h thought in his

bizarre little brain is All The President's Men.

A movie about a president who's immortalized for

two things; Watergate and this.

What's the peace sign, but simply scissors pointed up.

I'm a little scared right now.

Who's the fucking Sicilian?

Hey, uh, who's that?

Uh, Mr. Wiggington. We call him Wigs.

Oh, yeah. Is he alright?

As good as a raging alcoholic could be.

Lucky for us he's also the chess club coach.

Uh... that's what you guys do here,

you guys are on the chess team?

No, no.

He just tells the school we're playing chess

and in return, we don't tell anyone that

he's drowning daily in a bottle of Jim Beam.

I see. So what exactly do you guys do here?

Know thy enemy. First rule of RPS.

I thought that was the first rule of war.

RPS is war.

What is RPS?

Rock, Paper, Scissors, you know? Roshambo.

And not the Roshambo where players take turns

kicking each others genitals until one falls down in pain...

the other one.

Kelvin this is Cheddar.

Ninth grade phenom and super genius.

He is going to MIT next year. If you knew half the

shit he does it would make your balls ache.

They already do from that Roshambo thing.

Thank you, Cheddar. Nice to meet you.

And this is Rerun.

Future film producer and movie addict.

Guys, this is Kelvin.

Hey, what's up. You're a film producer?

Show him.

Just hold it. Hold it still.

Hey guys, it's me Rerun.

Alright, this shit's going to go down tonight.

I'm going to peepee on the popo.

Let's do this shit right now.

This is your film?

DareYouToPissOnDotDot.com.

This has been seen by over two million people.

Cheddar here helped me set up the website.

People write in and dare me to piss on

stuff and then I go and do it.

Hi.

Oh shit.

Oh, what the fuck!

So, what do you think, huh?

I'm morally conflicted.

That's the power of movies, man. Makes you think.

Alright, alright you crazy bastard.

Let's just get back-

Hey, speaking of crazy.

Einstein, where you been man? You're late.

Dude, you call him Einstein?

Yeah.

That's messed up dude. Isn't he retarded? What the-

Stop. Stop!

Watch his fingers!

That's enough!

Okay! Okay, enough! Enough!

Ow! Owwww!

Okay. Okay, cool. Yeah, big guy

uh, we'll pick it up tomorrow.

What the fuck was that?

You called him retarded.

I didn't call him retarded. I asked if he was retarded.

I'm not the one fucking calling him Einstein.

We call him that because he's a goddamn genius.

He can't speak, of course,

but if you need to hack into the CIA,

Einstein is your man.

Ah!

Don't take it personal, okay?

It's like a trigger word or something.

I mean, any time anyone says the word retarded',

he goes ape shit. One time he mistook

this girl for saying the word rewarded',

and then he mistook her head for a kickstand.

Okay, I got it, okay. Retarded, bad.

Okay, you know what? It doesn't even matter.

I mean, it's not like he needs to practice

the guy has never lost. Which is more than I

can say for the rest of us.

Lost at what? What do you guys do here?

RPS-we're training for the tournament. Come on.

Wait! There's a tournament for rock, paper, scissors?

International tournament. Yeah.

Oh, man, and you guys are training for it?

Uh, uh. We're training for it.

Look man I'm sorry, but, you got the wrong guy. Okay?

I'm going to see you around.

Wait.

It just came out!

I know it sounds like something that even

marching band assholes would make fun of,

but all they get is a tall hat and a shiny tuba

for a life of ridicule.

This is a legitimate tournament. Takes place every year and the

grand prize is two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

Look, anyone can enter, the only rule is that you

have to have a team of five.

And as you can see, we're one short.

Once Einstein comes back, anyways.

So what do you think?

Seriously guys, you can get anybody, for your team.

I don't even know how to play.

I didn't even know what RPS stood for.

He has a point there.

Shut it, Cheddar.

And no, we can't get just anyone

because anyone won't give us the uber team we need to

compete at nationals.

Do you think Monk chooses his team out of a hat?

Who the hell is Monk?

RPS grandmaster and reigning champion.

Of course he is. Look, guys honestly,

I don't know how to, play.

Of course you know how to play.

Everyone knows how to play. But, you, can know how to win.

That was awesome.

I think I just peed a little. Woah.

The force is strong in you Kelvin Anis.

I will make you a fucking Jedi.

Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.

Okay, okay. I'll play for a little bit.

It's not like I got anything better to do.

But I'm not joining your team!

Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.

Hey, Tiger.

Hey, mom. How's work?

You know, wasn't half bad.

How was first day?

I hung out with the chess team so I wouldn't get my ass kicked.

Yeah very funny.

Oh, before I forget, the internet guy came by today.

Everything is set to go.

Okay, just don't stay up all night?

I won't.

- Promise? - Yep.

Okay.

The internet.

My one thread of a lifeline back to civilization.

Or at least my civilization.

Searching battlegrounds and alliances.

The computer coliseum, Achillean.

- Connecting.

This is my varsity. This is my popularity.

This is my drug of choice.

- Alliances found.

- You killed Lock Zero.

- War Whore has joined. - Holy balls.

What's up, War?

What's going on Cock Chugger?

Where the hell have you been. man?

Oh, Christ.

Seriously, where have you been? It's crazy the beatings

I've been taking since you've been gone.

I know it took so long to get set up here.

- Dark Chyld has joined.

You ain't shittin'.

We're getting abused like alter boys around here.

What's up Chyld?

Yo, who the hell is Silent Fury, man?

Who?

Silent Fury. Who the hell is that?

I have no idea. Why?

Cause he's been slapping the shit out of us for the last

two weeks without even saying a word.

Not even trying.

There's a new gamer on here?

How the hell did he get in?

We saw someone listed as living in that dogtown

you call home so sent an invite.

Thought it was you.

Someone from here is on Achillean?

I don't know, apparently.

How do you not know this?

Aren't there 12 people that live in that town?

Yeah dude. That reminds me, how's your mom's doing?

Donkey, fucking rapetard!

Why you gotta bring my mom's into this?

- Silent Fury has joined.

Oh shit. It's him

Who?

Man, it's Fury!

I got your fucking sauce buddy.

Your mother doesn't love you!

- You're new.

You're new, huh?

- Dark Chyld has joined.

Son of a whore!

- You were killed by Silent Fury.

- You were killed by Silent Fury.

Hold on.

Alright, just chill guys I got this.

- You were killed by Silent Fury.

Damn.

Hey! You're the new kid. From L.A., right?

Yeah. How could you tell?

Your clothes kind of gave it away.

Really? I'm Kelvin.

Hi, I'm Valerie.

Valerie Ward. Yeah, I know.

Worst thing about small towns. Everyone knows everyone.

I thought that was the best thing about small towns.

Explains why they always stay small?

Val, your late. Let's go.

Oh. Um, keep the clothes Kelvin.

It's good to stand out.

See you later.

See ya.

How are you talking to Valerie Ward?

What's up, Fritz?

I am. Jesus Christ, dude. I'm saluting for the both of us.

That's Valerie Ward.

I've lived here my whole life and pedophiles stand

closer to preschools than I have to her.

What did you think about last night?

I think you know a little too much about

rock, paper, scissors.

Oh, that's nothing, man. I got moves you never even seen.

What are you doing?

Fritz, Please stop, dude. Come on.

Shimmy. Shimmy.

Dude. Stop. Stop. Stop.

What? What?

Cut it out. What are you doing?

Alright, alright. I'm just playing.

Just playing. Chill. But seriously dude,

if you thought last night was intense,

just wait until tonight. That's all I'm saying.

Fritz. Fritz. I told you man.

Last night was a one time thing. I'm RPSed out.

Come on, man. You're my ninja, dog.

Fritz, I'm out. Okay? I'm done.

What am I going to tell the team?

I don't know, tell them to find somebody else!

Look, I just want to keep my head down

and get out of here, okay?

You know what, screw you Hollywood.

On second thought, screw me.

Never trust anyone.

I should have known better.

Watch where you're going, Anus.

What are you going to do about it McFatty?

Heh? Hey come on now.

Cry. Show me some tears.

Stop.

Stop what? Come on.

Let him go, asshole.

Well, well, well. Kelvin Anus.

Don't tell me you're all rock paper scissorfied too.

Yo, Anus. I got a rock for ya.

Jordan. What are you doing?

Hey Stacy, Just in time for the show.

Jordan, stop it.

Hey! Is there a problem here?

No. No problem, sir.

See, that's where you're wrong.

Because I got a problem.

It seems some wiseguy thought it might be a good idea

to use his dick as a firehose

and piss all over my bathroom floor.

You wouldn't know nothing about that,

now, would you Davies?

No. Could have been an accident, or a mistake.

But I'll be sure to let you know if I hear anything.

You, dig?

I think that's a good idea.

Because, if it happens again,

I might accidentally mistake your lips

for a toilet seat. You, dig?

You lucked out this time, Anus.

See ya.

Fritz...

I'm fine.

I'm sorry.

Here.

Thanks.

Who's the girl?

Carla Cummings.

Fritz's imaginary girlfriend.

Screw you, Rerun.

She seems nice.

Oh. great. Well, you know, why don't you call up

Valerie and get a three- way going?

Come on, Fritz.

Forget it. It doesn't even matter.

Look, thanks for your help back there Hollywood,

really, but we got to get to practice.

You're right. We do.

Oh, so now you want to join the team?

If it's cool by you, of course.

Rock on.

Carla Cummings.

Alright, listen up. We don't have a lot of time

to get our shit together

so take your skirts off and sack up.

Regionals are eight weeks away and if we're going to

have a chance of winning it and making it to the

championship,

we're going to have to be quicker, slicker,

trickier than a greased pig ducking gang rape

in the shower. Got it?

I think so.

What?

Yeah. I guess, yeah.

Good. Now, how do we do that?

Well, I was thin-

Shut up, Cheddar. Guys?

We win?

How do we win?

Um...

hard work?

Specific.

What training do we need to do?

Practice. Practice.

What?

Practice, uh, rock, paper, scissors?

Practice rock, I don't know.

You, you're the one giving the speech.

Don't look at me.

What?

Dumbass.

In and out without touching the blade.

Are you sure about this?

It's a training technique I learned about online.

Training for what the Viet Cong?

Trust me. Cheddar.

Ow!

Rerun.

Ah!

- Hey, I got it. - Hey, hey.

Remember, there is no spoon.

Damn, that was fast. How'd you do that?

You want speed? Watch and learn.

Give me the

Hey! You're going to break it.

- Parting is such sweet sorrow.

- You were killed by Silent Fury.

To be the master of RPS.

RPS. RPS. I'm the genius.

Is this what you're going to do to Carla?

Throw your joystick? in her face, huh?

- Rock. - Rock. - Paper. - Paper - Scissors. - Scissors.

- Yes! Yes!

- Yeah! - Wooh!

Son of a bitch.

Where's Rerun?

- What? - Oh! Shoot!

- Rerun.

Okay, listen up. I know you guys have

been working your asses off, lately. Rerun you

may have suffered a small heart attack.

- We're not sure. - You'll be alright.

But tomorrow you'll see why.

Tomorrow, we take every RPS player in the state

and we pound their asses into submission.

You know what I mean?

Einstein you feeling good? You feeling frosty?

Awesome, I... think.

Okay, everyone go home and get some rest

because tomorrow we shit on everybody,

and I'm all stocked up on laxatives.

What are you doing? Go home. Rest. Go.

Okay.

Rerun you live here.

Oh, sorry.

Dumbass.

Hello?

Kelvin!

Hey!

Hey. Um, I heard that you worked here.

Wow. Word travels fast.

So, um, where you headed?

I'm on my way to my grandparents' house.

My mom and I are staying there until we finding our own place.

Actually, I'm just on the way.

Do you mind if I join you?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah?

Yeah. Alright, let's go.

So, what's it like?

What's what like?

You know, not being from here?

Well, it's different. Not like good

or bad different. Just different.

Yeah, I bet.

No, seriously, a couple months ago I was begging

for the electric chair, but, I don't know. There's

some things about this place I kind of got attached to.

Well, this is me.

Thanks for the walk Kelvin.

Good luck tomorrow, you know,

with your rock, paper, scissors thing.

That it just sounds a little ridiculous,

but thank you.

Goodnight, Kelvin.

Good night

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

What did you say?

What?

Fury? You're the Silent Fury?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh my, Gosh. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

I'm Hellboy. You've been kicking

the shit out of me for two months!

You're not making any sense, Kelvin.

Valerie...

Just leave me alone.

Valerie, wait!

What the hell just happened?

Valerie?

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Oh!

This is it boys. It all starts here.

I mean look at these guys. I haven't seen this many pussies

since I stopped peeping in the girls' locker room.

What the hell?

What? What is it?

Monk.

That's Monk? What the hell's he doing here?

Not playing, that's for sure.

He qualifies in a different region.

Fuck him. You guys start warming up.

I'll sign us in. It's time to kick some ass.

Rock Paper Scissors.

Need you to kIck this guy so hard you make his eyes bleed.

On to the finals, bitches. Let's do this.

It was like bam, bam, bam.

And it was done.

That guy is going to have a concussion

after being slapped around like that.

Alright, alright. Let's just get Einstein

and get this over with quick. I don't want any surprises,

okay?

Oh, man. Well, you're not going to like this.

Son of a bitch.

Einstein, where the hell you going man?

The finals are in fifteen minutes.

Mr. Flaherty, am I right?

You played very well today.

Congratulations on making it to the finals.

Can it Conehead. What are you doing with my player?

Well, if you're referring to Mr. Copeland here then I must

apologize. I met his parents about a month ago.

I learned of his ability and asked his parents

if he'd mind joining my team. Mr. Copeland will be

flying with me this evening to New York

to play in the Manhattan Regionals.

Oh, he didn't, he didn't tell you?

No, of course he didn't fucking tell us.

He can't fucking talk! Look, if he doesn't

go back in there with us right now,

we forfeit the final.

We forfeit the final we don't make the championship.

I'm sorry. But it's late. Good luck.

So what are we going to do?

There's nothing we can do. We're fucked.

There's got to be something else.

There's not, alright? This was it and that it is over.

Fritz there has got to be something we can do.

There's not, alright?

I didn't even want to play this stupid game.

Why are you taking it out on me?

You don't get it, do you?

There is literally no something else', not for me.

As stupid as it sounds, this is the one thing

that I'm actually good at.

Now I'm on Monk's fucking blacklist.

I'll never get another team together. I'm done.

Don't you see? Next year, Cheddar,

you're going to be building spaceships at MIT.

Rerun, you're gonna be directing porn, or some shit.

Kelvin, you're from Hollywood.

That makes you born cooler than I am now.

This was my one chance, one chance to do

something better than someone else.

The girl, the title, the money - it's gone.

All this work and for what?

I got nothing. I got nothing.

Never trust anyone. Fuck, I know better.

Hey.

What is it with this place anyway?

Why can't we just be ourselves.

I don't know. Why can't you?

It's easy for you, isn't it?

Just being yourself, not caring what other people think.

Opinions are overrated.

Really? Even when their your parents'?

Do you know my parents took away my computer

when I was twelve years old?

They said I was becoming a social misfit.

That the internet wasn't for girls

who are pretty and popular.

Like all the friends I made,

all the games I played, like weren't even real.

You know just because my best memories are made up of pixels

rather than skin cells doesn't make them any less real.

So who are they to judge?

Exactly. So, don't let them Fury.

Kelvin, I know you guys lost and I know why.

What?

It was Jordan. I guess, awhile back

he called up some Monk guy and told him about a

player on your team that was unbeatable.

He told him to pull your player just

when it would make you fail to qualify.

Son of a bitch. How do you know this?

He was bragging about it to all of us.

It's just a big joke to him. I'm sorry.

Too bad sorry' can't get us in the tournament.

No, but I may know something that can.

What do you mean?

Let's just say I know my way around cyberspace

and the world wide web knows a lot of loopholes.

What's this?

I'm not exactly sure, but I'm told that if you

really want to get back in that tournament,

the guy at that address is your only chance.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, Just getting some of my stuff out of there.

Listen, I got to tell you something.

There's nothing to talk about. Tournament is over.

We lost. Accept it.

You've accepted it?

I don't have much choice now, do I?

Now, what if I told you, you did.

I'm sorry, do you live in Neverland?

Unless you have a freight train to that pixie shit,

any dreams you have of making it to the championship

are going to stay a fucking fairytale.

Well, I don't live in Neverland, but,

I may just have the address.

We got to be getting close.

Woah, woah, wait. There it is.

Alright, stop the car.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

I can't believe you guys talked me into this.

This car is my dad's pride and joy.

Relax, Cheddar. Nothing's going to happen.

You watch the news too much.

Oh, tell me, how does hearing something on the news

make it more likely for it to happen to me?

Alright, come on. Let's just go.

No way. There's no way we're parking here.

Come on, Cheddar.

Stay in the car. Okay? Just stay.

Man, is he paranoid.

We better not be wasting our time. What the fuck?

Fucking hell gramps.

Put that goddamn gun down.

Sorry boys. You never know when you might

meet a stray negro running around.

Get Cheddar the fuck out of here.

What do you Nancies want?

A diaper for starters and

maybe a copy of the emancipation proclamation!

No, shit, my gramp is a bit of a racist fuck.

You're blowing my fucking mind right now.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We were told you might be able to help us with this.

Talk.

So can you get us in or not?

Let's say I can. Why should I?

Pay back some of the morality debt

Grandpa Klan up there's racked up.

Is he always that funny?

You always speak with that accent?

What accent? You guys any good?

Regional finals until Monk screwed us over.

Monk?

Yeah, Monk. Took our best player.

Alright. I'll help you get in on one condition.

I play on your team.

No.

C'mon Fritz. We need a fifth player anyway.

Can you play?

You just worry about yourselves.

Alright, hotshot, let's say you're in.

How do we get into the tournament?

We get an invitation from the commissioner.

Why didn't I think of that?

You know, let's call him right now.

Hey, Commish, how's it hanging?

Can we get an invite to the league championship?

- What did he say? - Oh yeah, good call.

He's going to get right on that.

- Didn't say we ask for it. - So, what do we do?

We win it.

Uh, newsflash, regionals are over.

Kind of why we're here in the first place.

Come on, Hollywood, we're wasting our time.

We win it at the URL.

What'd you say?

You heard me. We win it at the URL.

Fritz, what's a URL?

A figment of his imagination. That's what it is.

You sure about that?

Yeah.

Well, I've got five broken bones and

three skin grafts to suggest otherwise.

Wait a second, I know who you are. You're Logan Carter.

What the fuck is a URL? What?

Underground RPS League.

They supposedly ran a no-holds-barred tournament

unsanctioned by Rock Paper Scissors Association of America.

I just thought it was a myth.

It's no myth. The RPS commissioner

has a hard on for full contact.

He can't sanction the league

but doesn't mean he can't extend

an invitation to the winners under the table.

Fritz, how do you know this guy?

Logan Carter was an up and comer in then RPS ranks.

Had a lot of potential.

I heard Monk tried to recruit him.

Recruit me? That's a joke.

First thing he did was send me into the URL.

Said I needed to toughen up.

That's one hell of a way to cut your teeth.

Always knew he was scared.

Scared of what?

Of me.

Now you're delusional. Monk wouldn't be afraid

of some punk beating him.

What if that punk already had?

So what the hell happened to you?

URL happened to me. End of story.

Good evening, good man. We're here to see Link.

Links not here.

Really? Okay, he said that he'd be here.

He asked me to give him this rock.

Dude, where the hell are we going?

You'll see.

Um, this might be a stupid question, but what would have

happened If you were throwing paper?

If you can't beat him? You shouldn't be here.

Hey!

Logan Carter.

Hello Link. It's been a long time.

Not long enough. I thought I was clear.

I wasn't to see your face around here anymore.

Well, I'm sure thats cause last time I seen my face it

was pretty fucked up.

My surgeon,

you should give him, a call. I'll make this

short Link. I need a ticket to the big dance.

I need you to give it to me.

And why would I do that?

Because I know it eats you up inside knowing that besides

Monk - I am the one person you can't beat.

So, I'm giving you the chance to reconcile.

And what do you propose?

Five on five.

Each player throws once, first team to three.

We win, you give us the invitation.

And when you lose?

You give us to the dogs.

I'm gonna fuck you up.

Sorry, Link, you're just not my type.

Five minutes.

Give us to the dogs? That's the best you could come up with?

Not do your laundry for a month or maintain the impeccable

quality of this fine establishment. No Logan.

What you do if you lose? Let me think about that.

I know how about feeding us to the fucking dogs!

He wouldn't have gone for it otherwise!

Relax. I've got a plan.

Alright, girls, listen up.

Judging by the way your asses are all puckered,

I assume that you're scared shitless.

I think that would be a fair assessment.

Oh, you do, do you?

You know what else would be a fair assessment?

Your new nickname is going to be Puppy Chow

if you don't stop interrupting me.

Please don't hurt me.

Alright, as I was saying, contrary to what you probably

heard, RPS is not a game mastered by chance, habits

or tricks, but by fear.

You think Monk goes around memorizing

every little thing everyone does?

Shaves his head, dresses like a ninja and acts like

a fucking ghost because it gets him laid?

Fuck no. He does it to control the fear.

If he controls the fear. He controls you.

Are you getting any of this?

- No

You watch your heartbeat right now?

What?

152 beats per minute, what's yours?

I don't know.

164.

How do you know that?

I can see it, cause you're all afraid.

Hey, it's time.

Look, it's really simple. A steady heartbeat means

there's nothing left to do.

so you're throwing rock. If your pulse pulses

just before the moment of impact, you're unsure

and most likely throwing paper.

Now, if your pulse spikes, you're being aggressive

and throwing scissors. But I wouldn't know any of

this if I can't see your pulse. Your neck

your wrist, your hand. They all, give you a way. So calm

the fuck down. What do you think the dogs are for?

The dogs are working.

What you're saying is, not only can you see our heart rate

but what we're going to throw because of it?

Now Carter!

So any questions before we start?

Um yeah, if we shit our pants do we get disqualified?

No. I think you're good. Anything else? Good come here.

Try not to screw this up.

Whoo!

You, get in.

Yes!

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Yes!

Go.

Yes!

This envelope. Your precious little invitation.

But that's as close as you're going to get to it.

I'm scared.

Any last requests?

Yeah. Try not to whine like a little bitch

after I finish slapping the shit out of you.

Better luck next time, Link.

Oh, Holy crap that was the craziest thing I've ever seen

Guys, did you realize what just happened?

Uh, yeah we almost got killed.

Man, what a rush!

Logan what you did back there? That was awesome!

- That was great. - Yeah, yeah

Thank me when we're walking away with Monk's trophy.

Oh seriously.

No doubt. But come on. We got to do something.

We got to celebrate!

Yes!, yes!

I'm down what'd you have in mind?

Hey guys, me again. Tonight's episode is one near and dear

to my heart. This shows for all you out there who's

ever been picked on, stepped on slapped around, or been

gang banged.

Tonight I want you to stand proud, raise up your flaccid,

misused middle finger and give a Fuck You to all those

assholes of the world.

DareYouToPissOn proudly presents, Bully Me This

Come on. Hand me the thing. Hurry up.

I hope you're right about this.

When are you boys, ever going to learn?

There you go.

Tonight's forecast, ladies and gentlemen

a hundred percent chance of rain.

Hollywood here I come.

Academy Awards baby.

Come on we got to go. We got to go.

Got ya.

Don't worry, I know the dude behind the bar. It's fine.

This is cool, dude.

So, tell me, mate, who are these fuckers?

My team.

Gee, sorry mate.

Hey, what's with the accent?

What accent?

Guys, is it bad that I feel absolutely no

remorse for what we did to Jordan?

Hell no. Let him soak in it.

Loser.

Hey, Cheddar, if we win what are you going

to do with your half of the money?

School. My scholarships won't last forever.

Tug, get them some milk and cookies.

I'll have what he's having.

No. Milk and cookies.

I'm twenty-one and over, it's cool, right.

Milk and cookies

Whatever, Rerun what about you? Film, School?

Fifty K? Hmm, let me think about this.

Pay someone to show me how to make some lame movies

or fund one my own. No way man.

This cat's Kevin Smithing his career all the way.

What about you Fritzy?

Amsterdam. I think

I got a shot at getting laid in Amsterdam.

What?

What about you, Hollywood?

I think I give it to my mom. She's really helping me out.

And I would-

- What? - Mama's boy

Get out of here. Get out of here.

You guys are whack. What about you, Logan?

I don't know. I guess I'd finally use half of it

to move out my grandfather's house and give the

other half to the United Negro College Fund.

Are you serious?

What?

United Negro College Fund.

Stop eating all the. cookies.

You are crazy.

Nice Giraffe, Anus.

What time do you call this? You're late.

What?

We got to go. Come on.

Shut up.

Alright, throw that. Throw that back there.

Hey you.

Valerie, hey.

So, you're off, huh?

Yeah, we're on our way.

Well, I though I'd come by to wish you. Good luck.

Thanks, you know, we wouldn't even be here if it

wasn't for you being you.

Hey, Anus!

Uh. Uh.

Hey, you better wrap this up quick.

Look I go, but you think when I get back we could

pick this up right here?

Sure, I'd like that.

Okay. I'm sorry. I got to go. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm going to kill you.

Oy!

Ow!

Oy! What the fuck you doing?

Oh shit.

Fucking pussy. Come on!

Yeah! Run Davies, you little bitch!

Good morning sports fans and

welcome to the home of the 15th Annual

Rock, Paper, Scissors World, Championship.

Over the next two days almost 300 players from around

the country and around the world will face off

in a sports showdown that is sure to shake the earth from

the lights of Los Angeles to the frost of Bangor, Maine.

Today 64 teams will face off in a grueling test of mental

toughness and physical stamina as they try to stay alive

and make it into tomorrow's semi -final match.

Now, the rules are simple. Each team must win three

of five sets to win the match and move on to the next

round. Now without further ado, let's throw it over to

Jelly Kane and meet some of our contestants Jelly.

Thank you Case. Well strap on tight sports fans because

in just a few days we're all going to have the pleasure

of watching someone do this for a quarter of a million dollars.

Strap in Jelly, right? Strap in tight?

Strap in right. Who will it be well for starters let's meet

some of our contestants.

Hi, I'm dolly of the paper dolls

and I play rock-paper-scissors because it gets me hot.

I'm Dread of Team Nemesis.

And what's your name sir?

We're Katey and Karey-from Team Gemini andy we bring double the

trouble.

Your name sir?

Private Pryde here with the Mighty Privates.

Let me tell you something. Victory,

It belong to us.

My friends call me Bones and the reason I play Rock Paper

Scissors is because it's safer than flying

headfirst into a blackhole.

- Rock-paper-scissors. Boom

Casey, I'm not sure

which team he's with no. No, but, uh, could you

send some soap down this way, please.

I'm Scissorella from Team Sonic Doom and

I'm going to skate over the competition.

And of course, as always we've got Team Nemesis, led by their

8 time MVP, The Monk, and newcomers this year,

The Butt Fuckers.

The BuckFutters, sorry. Uh, back to you, Casey.

Uh, thank you, Jelly, and, uh, that's a reminder

to all you kids out there stay in school.

Nice Unies, Ched. That's pretty catchy.

Mr. Flaherty, so nice of you to join us.

I'm glad our earlier altercation, did not bear you

any unnecessary misfortune.

You kiss your mother with that mouth, Monk?

I heard that the best rock thrower in the

world was here. All that wankings paid off.

Logan. Link told me you were looking for a team

I told him there wasn't anyone stupid enough to take you in.

Apparently, I was wrong.

Apparently, you were, and if you get in my way

again you hairless fuck. I'm going to drag you to a bridge,

slit you from here to here, and use your intestines as a

bungee cord.

How poetic. Nemesis, meditate.

Come on. We've got a game to play.

ButtFuckers? I'm not wearing this.

Ladies and Gentleman, not since the Trojan War have I

seen so many fierce competitors assembled on one

single Battlefield. And if you like epic battles,

then stay tuned sports fans because this war

will be one for the ages. And now, for

the start of the tournament, let's throw it downstairs

to the game floor, where the 50th annual rock-paper-scissors

tournament is about to begin.

Like walking into a massage parlor for the first time,

you never know what's going to happen.

Ladies Report to the dance floor

One, two, three.

BUCKFUTTERS!

And Monk goes with a sharp scissors to take the lead!

Ooh, what a nice paper that was. Looked like Foolscap.

Get a tetanus shot!

He was cut down by those scissors.

After one of the most grueling first rounds, this announcer

has witnessed in many a year inundated with bone crushing

rocks, slashing scissors, slicing paper, we're set

to kick off the second round.

These guys are sweating like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.

This RPS tournament is brought to you by Toxic-

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Dude, you got to stop drinking that dude.

You don't look so good.

Hey, be careful. That's Link's brother, Fence.

Fence? What's his mom's name, Chain?

Players ready? Engage!

Oh! That is absolutely disgusting.

1, 2, 3 BuckFutters!

Engage.

Great Caesar's ghost, what determination!

Nice rock, man it takes a lot of rocks to do it.

Engage.

Winner!

Yes! Huddle up, huddle up.

So it's come down to this, ladies and gentlemen.

Three teams are already in and the BuckFutters

are one set away from joining them in tomorrows

semi-final match Jelly, what do you have for us?

Thank you Casey. Well, Three teams are already in

and the BuckFutters are a set away from joining them

in tomorrow's semifinal match.

All right, Jelly, thank you very much.

I might've already mentioned that anything

else you'd like to add?

Uh, Thank you Case the fate of this inexperienced team

and offensive juggernaut lies in the

hands of rookie sensation, Kelvin Hollywood Anus.

Anoose? Anoose. It's fucking hot down here.

Okay. Jelly. Thank you very much and good

luck with the unemployment line.

Okay Hollywood, just finish this guy up and get us

out of here. You got this?

He looks tired. I got this. I got it.

Get him! Come on Hollywood! Finish him.

Players ready?

Look at these titans stare each other down.

I've never seen anything like it.

Engage.

Winner.

Engage.

Tie.

Engage.

Winner.

Engage.

Tie.

Engage.

Tie.

Engage.

Winner.

He's done it and the BuckFutters are through

to the semi-finals.

Move on to the semi-final.

Here we come! Monk, we are coming for you!

But it's not over yet. So don't forget sports fans

to join us back here tomorrow where,

one lucky team will be crowned, the RPS King.

Good night everyone.

You know a fucking monkey could do his job.

I feel like I'm talking to my cell phone here sometimes.

Could we actually hire somebody that has some talent?

I can't believe you dropped those papers on that guy like

that. That was insane.

Well, save your insanity for tomorrow night.

You're going to need it when you face Monk.

Yeah, that's funny.

I'm being serious.

I can't believe I'm going to say this.

If we make it to the finals, you're our anchor. You got Monk.

Logan, You've been in this the whole time just to beat Monk.

Don't you think I know that. Don't you think I'd love to

defeat that arrogant prick.

But the fact is he knows me, knows how too beat me.

He's counting on facing me in the finals.

But, he's never faced him, doesn't know him.

And let's face it. Anyone who throws paper six times

in a row and wins might actually scare him.

But what's to stop him from just playing you

when you step up to the table?

He can't. For the finals you have to submit your team roster

in the order they play before the match begins

that way you can't jockey around players trying to gain

an advantage.

That's right. I'll tell you what. If I know Monk,

it's really going to piss him off. Now get some sleep.

Don't worry about it.

You did a great job out there today.

Didn't lose a set.

I had a good teacher.

Fucking right you did.

Listen Kel, I never did thank you for

getting us this far. You know, for getting us here.

I've been picked on my entire life, my entire life. I've been

the dumb kid, fat kid, the useless fuck

at the end of the bench.

I never had anyone pull through for me before like

you have. So thanks.

You're a great friend, Fritz.

You looked out for Cheddar. You looked out for Rerun

You looked out for me.

I guess we make a pretty good team, huh?

Yeah.

You really think we can win tomorrow?

Don't know

Monk's team is pretty solid and of course they

have Einstein so I don't even think Logan

has a chance there.

What about Monk?

Ow!

Son of a bitch Jordan what the fuck?

Anus? Miss me? Think I was going to let you piss in my

car, take my girl and walk away into the fucking sunset huh?

Yeah, that was kind of the plan.

Well, there's a new plan asshole. And it involves

using your mouth like you did my car seat.

Let him go, dickhead.

Oh shit.

I fucking hate that kid.

Seriously, all the guardian angels in the world and I

get the janitor?

Was that our fucking janitor?

I think that was. Fuck, dude, how's your hand?

Fucking kills. You mother fucking asshole!

We're screwed. We're screwed. We're screwed.

Good afternoon sports fans and welcome back.

Well, this is it. The final day, the coupe de gras.

Four teams remain, but soon, it will be down to two.

In pool A we have last year's runner up, Sonic Doom

against last year's champ, Team Nemesis.

And in pool B it's the Flying Fuks squaring off against

this year's Cinderella story The BuckFutters.

Bu if the BuckFutters are to remain and continue on,

they're going to have to overcome a few more obstacles

as we have just learned Fritz Flaherty has sustained

an injury to his right hand for further news on this

let's throw it over to Jelly Kane, Jelly.

Thank you Case. Fritz Flowerty is hurt very bad and it

will be difficult for him to play with this hand. However,

he will be able to play with this hand. As you know that

is a near impossibility in this sport back to you Case.

Well, thank you Jelly. The stage is set and the stakes are high.

So grab a seat folks and settle in because tonight

promises to be a barn burner.

Jesus Christ! You can barely move it.

How are you going to compete with that?

I don't know, but we're not forfeiting.

God damn right we're not forfeiting. Fuck.

We're not going to win either. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,

Fuck!

Fuck!

Come on. Let's get this over with. Fuck!

Players ready.

Engage.

Scissorella takes the first set, and the Monk is simply

beside himself. As Nemesis finds themselves down for the

first time in the tournament. So sit tight and hook up those

colostomy bags sports fans cause here we go.

Engage.

Look at this freak of nature tear his opponent apart

as he stays unbeaten and brings Nemesis from the brink

of elimination.

And Dread ties it up!

Leaving their fate in the hands of the one

and only monk.

Winner.

He wins it again folks and this underdog crowd

here, does not look happy.

It was him. He brought Jordan here.

That bald fuck busted my hand!

Winner.

It doesn't look good folks after a terrific start by Logan

Carter the BuckFutters are in a hole that keeps getting bigger

as the three-fingered assassin is shredding through the one

handed Flaherty. Is it paper? Is it scissors?

I have no idea.

Winner.

Oh, and apparently, neither does Flaherty

as the BuckFutters find themselves, once again,

on the edge of elimination with the rookie sensation

and weakest link still to go.

No way. Kelvin, you're next.

I thought you wanted me to the anchor?

Yes, but that was until it was down two to one.

We lose, we go home and there's nothing for you to fucking

anchor then, is there? Hence, you're up.

I can't go last.

And I can't give myself a decent blowjob but that doesn't

stop me from trying now, does it?

God, I hope so.

Look, you just worry about winning right now

And you get ready for when he wins. Now come on get

in there. Let's do it. Come on,

Come on.

Players ready.

Engage.

Scissors.

Engage.

Win.

Engage.

Paper.

Rerun it's all up to you now, ok. We take this and

we're in the finals. You got it?

I can't do this.

Pull it together. Gotta do this. Okay

I can't, you guys. I can't.

Well hold on folks.

There seems to be something wrong with the BuckFutters

last player. Seems that the infamous pressure of

the RPS semi-final has taken yet another victim.

He can't even move.

Then we fuckin' carry him there.

We put him up there like this, it's over.

Well, we got to do something.

Come on, ideas.

Kelvin.

Come on. Come on.

Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.

Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.

Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.

Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.

Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.

You hear that?

Yeah.

That's your name. They're cheering for you out there.

They're cheering for you.

Yeah.

- You hear me? - Yeah.

Alright, now this is it, alright? There's no

stopping now! You start, and you don't stop. All your

strength. All your power! All your love!

- Everything you've got! - Yeah

To win you got to knock him out! Punch and punch

till you can't punch no more!

Okay!

This is your whole life here!

Yeah, Yeah!

Yeah! Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Players, ready.

Engage.

Win, Engage.

Tie, Engage.

Engage.

Winner.

Well I've got to tell you folks,

in all my years of broadcasting I've never

seen anything like this. If you can appreciate a cinderella

story, if you believe in miracles, if you ever want to

see David face the mighty Goliath, then don't move

a muscle. Because in mere moments perhaps the greatest

match in all of sport, Dare I say, all of the world is about

to unfold.

And so it begins.

Ladies and Gentleman.

Welcome to the Rock, Paper Scissors,

National Championship final round. Let's bring out our

finalist teams, Team Nemesis.

Team BuckFutters.

Logan, don't worry

I'll make this as painless as I possibly

can for you. If it gets that far.

See you in the fucking ring, Monk.

Let the final round begin. Take your positions.

Player one, please.

Wait a minute, what's going on?

He's supposed to be the anchor.

I said I'd see you in the ring, Monk.

Never said anything about playing you, mate.

I'm sorry Mr. Monk, but my list has Logan Carter

as the BuckFutters' lead off man.

No he's supposed to play me!

Mr. Monk, my list says otherwise. Now step back.

Walk away. Move on. Bye bye.

Players.

Players ready.

Engage.

Rock.

Tie. Engage

Tie. Engage.

Rock.

Round one goes to the BuckFutters.

And just like that the ghost of RPS past flies in

and handily takes the first set away with a crushing blow.

Alright he is pissed.

Alright now we know monk is going last

let's hope to hell Einstein goes forth because

if I'm going to get beat it might as well go to a sure loss

so Cheddar, Rerun, one of you two has to win in order to

give Kelvin a shot, got it? Okay, let's do this.

One, two, three, BuckFutters!

Come on, Cheddar. Get him. Get 'em!

- Come on! - Come on, Cheddar.

Players ready.

Engage.

Scissors. Engage.

Paper. Engage.

Scissors. Engage.

Paper.

Round two goes to Nemesis.

Nemesis fights back

and the youngest player in the tournament gets

paper slapped all the way back to a 1-1 tie,

with three to go.

Players ready.

Engage.

Rock. Engage.

Scissors. Engage.

Scissors, engage.

Scissors, round goes to Team Nemesis.

And here we go with the fate of the tournament riding

on the captain, Fritz Flaherty's damaged hand.

Sorry guys.

It's alright. You did your best. Hey we all did, okay.

Come on, guys, this is retarded

We made it to the finals okay. And if I'm going to

lose I'm glad it's to that unstoppable bastard over

there who doesn't even know he's screwing us.

Now what's it going to be captain? Do we forfeit?

or do you wanna go down with the ship left handed?

You're a fucking genius.

Well thank you but, down with the ship it is.

Players ready.

Let's get retarded.

Ow!

Oh my god!

Players four, Team Nemesis red card disqualification.

There's no ship going down! There's no ship going down!

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe it.

The Undefeated Nemesis Juggernaut James Copeland

has just been red-carded out of here for a spectacular,

right hook. Flaherty is up and he looks all right.

You know you're nuts, right?

Now go kick his ass.

So it's come down to this. One set, one match, one destiny

A virtual unknown taking on the most decorated athlete in

RPS history. Could David defeat the mighty Goliath again?

Well we're about to find out.

Players ready.

Five kids no job is pressure,

but this is close.

Engage.

Paper. Engage.

Paper. Engage.

Scissors.

It's the dreaded paper cut.

Engage.

Scissors.

It's time to lose Mr. Anus.

One more, one more.

Players ready.

Sorry to disappoint you Monk, but I've already won.

You know it's funny sometimes how things work out.

Engage.

How you could overcome pretty much anything.

Sometimes in the most unlikeliest ways.

Even when caught between a hard place...

and a rock.

Rock wins!

Rock beats scissors!! It's all over!

It's all over and just like the bible tells me so,

little David topples the mighty Goliath with the casting

of a single stone. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Yeah baby, we did it! Woohoo! Yes!

That is what the fuck I am talking about! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Never trust anyone, huh? This is it.

Now somebody get me to a fucking buffet! Yeah! Wooh!

Well, you did it, dude.

Uh, uh. We did it.

You know, we're going to miss you when

you go to Amsterdam right?

Yeah, well I was thinking maybe

I'd stick around for a little bit,

- Really? - Yeah.

Hey Fritz.

Hey.

Um, I forgot. I have to pick up my little sister from dance

class at 7 tonight would you mind coming

by around 8 o'clock instead?

8 is fine. Eight is great.

Eight is Enough. Eight o'cock-clock,

Okay.

Don't forget to bring your guitar.

Okay.

- Okay. - See ye

- See ya. - Bye

Dude what the hell was that?

What? It was nothing.

You can't play guitar.

Wait a minute. Last summer at

your uncle's place. He's the musician, right?

Oh my god. That first day of school? They broke

your guitar. Did you learn how to. play for her?

No.

Uh-huh. Well, try not to use this one as a belt.

Well done, man. Well done.

You're all gonna be well done when I fuck the shit

out of everyone.

God that felt good.

Dude, That was hot.

You should see her in my dreams.

No I didn't.

Hey, so am I going to see online tonight?

Um, I don't know I was thinking we'd take a night off today.

You know do something else.

What'd you have in mind?

I don't know something like this.

I'll see you tonight. Bye boys.

Ooh.

Alright, So what are we gonna do about this guy?

I got an idea. Somebody get my camera.

Do it.

Oh, don't do it. Oh, God.

Oh, his mouth is open.

God.

? Got a lift down to the edge of town ?

? Where the merry-go-around goes around and round ?

? Way the sun shined on you face ?

? Made me think of a different place ?

? Sticks and stones may break your bones ?

? But paper hearts always know ?

? Teardrops are the friendly folds ?

? Your heart is my stereo ?

? Woo oh oh woo oh oh oh ?

? Got you and I want you and your so damn funny ?

? I go around town singing you're my hunny ?

? Smile on your face is a shade of sunny ?

? Your mine, all mine ?

? Need you and I want and you want me back ?

? Want you and you need me and you need me back ?

? Need you, I want you and you want me back ?

? I want you and you need me back ?

? Got a lift down to the edge of town ?

? Where we walked around till the sun went down ?

? The way the moon shined on your face ?

? Made me think of outer space ?

? I don't know what you've been told ?

? But your hands can break this fold ?

? My paper heart is yours to hold ?

? Feelin with your lovin soul ?

? Whoa ah oh, Woo oh oh ?

? We walked around till the sun went down ?

? And it was right there, on the edge of town ?

? You handed me that folded note ?

? Kinda guessed what you already wrote ?

? Paper hearts wrote the start ?

? Songs fore me to sing ?

? My paper heart is yours to keep ?

? Now sing this song and keep that beat ?

? My heart is your stereo ?

? Now, please don't let it slow ?

? Whoa ah oh Whoa ah ah oh ?

? Got you and I want you and your so damn funny ?

? I go around town singing you're my hunny ?

? Smile on your face, is a shade of sunny ?

? Your mine, all mine ?

? Need you and I want and you want me back ?

? I want you and you need me and you need me back ?

? You love me and I love you and you love me back ?

? I love you and you love me and I love you back ?