Original subtitles

Everything looks good. The lease had been signed,

the liquor license had been transferred into the name of Kinnetic Corp.,

you've got enough insurance that if someone so much as sneezes, you're protected...

In short, the joint's all yours.

Theodore, you are a marvel.

Although when I said go buy yourself a new toy, this isn't exactly the toy I had in mind.

It says in the box "appropriate for boys from ages 19 to 40", so stop fretting, mother,

I can afford it.

Are you sure we can afford it?

We did the math a dozen times, even without the movie we each have enough income.

Plus, the money we've saved...

I just need some reassurance.

How's that?

I'm already thinking color schemes.

All the back room needs is a fresh coat of black paint, and a condom dispenser.

What about pink walls with a sky blue ceiling and white fluffy clouds for the baby's room?

That's amazing how with a few simple touches you can turn a tired old room into a fresh and inviting space.

Or we could wallpaper, remember how Monty and Ilay had their kid's room wallpapered with Disney characters?

And get a cleaning crew in here to jackhammer the dried cum off the floor.

Yeah, but it's probably yours.

With all this space, at least we won't be on top of each other.

That's unless we choose to be.

I want to reopen by Friday,

Friday? This Friday? But that's impossible.

You said that every day that we're closed, we're losing money.

Yeah, but we still need to line up bartenders, go-go boys, a new manager...

Well then, you better line them up.

There's so much to do!

They say it took 500 years to complete Notre Dam.

Is that supposed to be encouraging?

We're making a home, together. Who cares how long it takes?

Well, if there's a problem we'll just change the table cloths.

And the napkins.

And the flowers.

And the menu.

Let me know if you wanna change the groom...

Okay...

What was that?

The wedding of Alien and Predator.

The groom's the producer of the channel 5 six o'clock news.

It will be big news if I survive.

Bride's a twice-divorced drama queen, Panzer division, who's convinced there is going to be a disaster,

and believe me, if she doesn't get off my ass, which are words you rarely hear me say,

there will be.

Well it can't be any worse than Mel and Lindsey's anniversary surprise.

No shit. - Now honey, I can't let yourself get all worked up.

Of course, I realize that may be genetically impossible.

Hey boys. Bacon cheese burger for Michael, pot pie for Em,

and a BLT for Teddy,

hold the bacon, lettuce, bread, mayo and fries.

Trying to keep yourself in shape for your new boyfriend?

He's adorable. - Yeah.

He's history.

Jacks off to photos of Ted Kennedy.

Actually thought Marlon Brando needed to gain a few pounds.

That's why he was in love with me. Fat and old turn him on.

Teddy, you're not fat.

Well, not hugely grossly.

And you're certainly not old.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir?

Babylon reopens Friday night.

Here you go, guys.

He called me "sir".

He spoke loudly, so I could hear.

I thought Babylon went belly-up.

You mean you didn't know? Tell him, Teddy.

I resuscitated it.

Put my mouth on it, and blew.

So that's how you spend your disposable income?

You should've bought a house.

Some of us queers prefer dancing and fucking, to kiddies and picket fences.

Word on the street is that Poppers is the new hotspot.

Friday night Poppers goes back to being the piss hole it always was.

Hi J.R.! Your daddies love you.

There's this new place in the mall.

You design the bears yourself and pick out their outfits, record their voices...

It's adorable! - Precious.

You'll have to forgive Melanie, she's been up all night with J.R.

She has colic, cried for four hours straight.

Look, I wanted to apologize for getting so heated the other night.

It was a shock, that's all. I wasn't expecting... - We know.

No one was.

Although, now that I remember,

Every time I would stop by, one of you was always out, or at work, or taking a nap...

Anyway, I'm sorry. - You said that.

I mean that after all this time, you two couldn't work things out that it had to come to this...

Thank you very much, we're sorry too. Now if you don't mind can we not discuss our marital problems?

The important thing is, we need to decide how we're going to take care of our child.

Our child?

How much time she'll spend with you and with Linds, and with Ben and me...

we're buying a new house.

I'll tell you how much time she's gonna spend with you. None!

Melanie, please, would you lower your voice?

I'm sure we could handle this without screaming.

Who's screaming, I'm making a point.

Tell that to her.

We had an agreement that I'd be a part of our daughter's life!

Yeah, which at no time included physical custody. That was never discussed.

Because when we made it, you two were together! A couple, a family!

Now all that changed, now you're not!

Why, I'm still her mother. - So am I.

And I'm her father. - No one is denying that.

She is! She's saying I have no rights! - No, I'm saying you may be her father,

her biological father, but Lindsey and me are still her parents. That hasn't changed.

Now, if you will excuse me,

my daughter needs to be fed.

Right! Upon arrival, the guests will be offered a glass of Chateauneuf du Pape 1991.

Make that 1990.

1990.

A string quartet plays a medeley of your favorite Elton John songs...

I've decided to go with "Eine kleine Nachtmusic".

Well, scratch "Rocket Man".

Now, when the wedding march begins... we are keeping the wedding march?

Oh, of course... you'll enter from over there, um,

Why not from over here? - You'll enter from over here,

holding a spray of lillies. - I'm thinking of white roses and baby's breath.

Baby's breath, okay, you'll then proceed to the bower, um,

at which point... - What if it rains?

I already asked Johnny. No rain.

Your weather man couldn't predict a hurricane if it was blowing down Market street.

I've gotta get back to the station, I've got a remote coming in from Iraq.

Iraq?

Screw Iraq!

We're having a wedding! - Now now, don't you worry...

I am going to have a little talk with God, and there's no way he's going to let anything rain on your...

parade.

The ladies room. We haven't decided the color of the toilet tissue.

Lavender. No, mint! No, buttercup!

I wish you could see Lila under less stressful conditions.

She'll still drive you nuts, but...

I love her. - Well, of course you do. That's what this is all about.

You know, I gotta hand it to you. I don't know how you do it.

One of the reasons we queer guys are around... help you straight people straighten up.

Just make sure you pack my swimsuits and t-shirts soon, it's summer in Australia. - Yes sir.

Anyways, they fired him. Three days into production.

First time director, huge production... he couldn't handle it.

Also I hear he and Orlando Bloom did not get along.

Blair? I want that trainer in my hotel every morning at 5 am, uh?

Well, call the producer and fucking demand it!

How long will you be gone?

Well, it's a six month shoot, provided I can do post here, we're still negotiating.

Where the hell is my Ambien.

On an 18 hour flight, this is the only way to fly. - I'm sure.

Listen, I don't mean to throw you out or anything, but I just figured

while I was gone would be a good time to do some work on the house, you know, redecorate.

But... - Please feel free to stay for a couple of days until you line up with something else.

Thanks.

Even though I'm on the other side of the world, I haven't lost my passion for Rage.

My development people are going to shop it around,

the gay crusader is too powerful to be defeated by some asshole who can't see beyond the box office.

Right?

Blair?

I'm not happy with the time we've arranged for the car...

I can't believe the way she talked to me. - You're the father.

But I'm not the parent, at least not as far as Melanie is concerned.

Oh, that's bullshit. You're every bit as much her parent as she is. - You should've heard her.

Screaming so loud, she woke up the baby.

While they are carrying on...

I know we can provide a more stable home life for J.R. than they can.

I'm sure you're right. But the one thing we mustn't do is overreact. We've gotta stay calm,

and rational. - Everybody keeps telling me that!

Alright. I'll be calm. And rational.

There's no way I'm giving up my kid.

Finish up with those lights, we're about to open the doors!

Could you move those cartons behind the bar? - Yes sir.

And don't call me "sir"!

Break a leg, baby!

Just don't do it while we're shaking our booties. - I didn't think I'd see you here.

Thought you'd be too busy with the wedding plans.

I'm never to busy to sit ring-side on opening night.

Ready in two minutes.

And what have we here?

This is Alonzo, this is Emmett.

Already picturing a moonlit beach, caressed by a carribean breeze,

the palms sway gently to a latin guitar.

We didn't have too many palm trees in Trenton.

Alonzo is the new club manager.

And may I say, a vast improvement over the former one.

I haven't have this much fun with a toy since my erector set.

My parent's couldn't afford an erector set. So I decided to play with the one God gave me.

Okay boys! Take your places!

Let's bring the lights down...

and the strobes up.

And we're back in business. - Not quite.

Ain't Babylon without that thumpa-thumpa!

Okay boys and boys, what time is it?

It's showtime!

What - the - fuck?

Don't worry, it's still... it's early.

Where is everybody? - It's "Shorts and Shots" night at Poppers,

all the hot guys are over there.

Think I'll go, um, check it out.

Todd.

Hey...

Didn't think you're still in town.

This is Justin, and so is this.

Seems there's no shortage of us in Hollywood.

You get me another Ghetto, hun.

He's cute, if you like the type.

Really sucks about Rage, doesn't it? - Yeah.

Really sucks. I swear there's not an ounce of artistic integrity in this fucking town.

Why don't you go back to New York? To the theater.

I would in a heartbeat if I didn't have a 3-picture deal with Bruckheimer.

So where's our genious director? - He left yesterday for Australia.

I heard he's taking over that remake of Mothra?

Well, it isn't a Brett Keller film unless something flys. - He still plans on doing Rage, though.

His people are out shopping it to other studios, now that it's in turnabout.

That's turn-around. - Right.

He swore he's going to get it made.

Well, that's out Brettsky. Fighting the evil empire single handed. But,

in this business, the only thing that rises from the dead is Dracula. And then only if Brad Pitt is playing.

When something's over, it's over.

You look like you gave an orgy and nobody came.

I love how you can take a stale cliche and make it fresh.

Could you do the same for this muffin?

What the fuck's with you?

Guess how many homos showed up last night for the reopening of Babylon.

Is this one of those lightbulb jokes?

Twelve. Counted'em. Twelve.

Eight fucking grand, down the crapper.

If I don't do something quick, it's going to be another eight fucking grand tonight,

and tomorrow night, and the next night.

Sounds like one hell of an expensive blowjob.

I wouldn't have mind it, even that.

But not one of them was even remotely fuckable. - I don't get it, where did they all go?

The music was fucking awesome, and only a buck a shooter.

Where you boys have been all night? - Poppers.

Poppers?! That dump's older than I am.

The only thing that is...

There you have it.

You of all people should know. There's no one more fickle than a fag.

Hey. - Sorry I'm late.

The woman in front of me had a stack of coupons.

Hey, sweetie! - Hi Mommy.

Did you have fun with mama?

Here's the mail. - Thanks.

Okay big boy... gather up your toys, it's time to go.

Mama, I don't want to go.

Are we gonna go through this every time?

It's okay, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow when Mommy goes to work, okay?

How's J.R.? - Up all night, screaming.

Why don't you let me take her? - You can't be up all night, and look after Gus, and work all day.

You're exhausted. - Don't worry about me, okay? I can handle it.

No one said you couldn't. - Then don't start. - I'm not starting anything.

I just wish there was some way we could just... - Make up?

Get along.

Shit. - What is it?

That little fucker hired a lawyer.

Her name is Bobby Bennett.

I thought she was married to Hugh Heffner.

That's Barbie Benton. This is a tough gay lawyer.

She took the first gay adoption case in Pennsylvania to the state's supreme court, and won. - Yeah.

She said as J.R.'s biological father I have rights, and I should fight for them.

No! No, I don't like it there.

So, she has agreed to take our case. - Glad to see you stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry it had to come to this. - Well they didn't leave me any choice!

Is this where you want it, Deb?

Where I want it is in the garbage. But...

it's Carl's favorite chair, so...

Hey, that's better, huh? - Oh yeah, much better.

Well, I'm not going to let my daughter be raised by a couple of single mothers.

When there's a loving, stable home with two fathers.

Single mothers?

You just said, "single mothers".

You mean like me?

I wasn't talking about you, I wasn't even thinking about you. - Yeah, so what else is new.

But I was a single mother. And guess what,

even without a father, you still had enough sense to come in out of the rain.

Sometimes. - That's not what I was talking about.

Christ sakes, mom, could you stop misinterpreting? - Who's misinterpreting?

All we're saying... - I know what you're saying, I speak the language,

thank you very much! You think there's two of you, that you're better equipped to raise a kid.

Let me tell you two experts something.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a partner and enough money to stay home and raise their kids.

Some of us had to work. Night and day!

Sometimes till two in the fucking morning.

So that our kids could have sneakers and jeans, and

walkmans and go to the movies, just like all their friends.

And while we were out there working, we were just hoping, and praying to God,

they didn't get sick, or get in trouble.

But we had no choice.

We made whatever sacrifice we could for out kids' happiness.

So, you two think you could do it better?

All I gotta say is...

good for you.

I almost didn't recognize you since you gained all that weight!

It's not that much. - I wish that I could gain weight like that.

I try and I try and I eat, and I eat but no matter what I do, I just can't keep it on.

Pity. - Chocolate? - I'm on a diet.

Your hair is getting thinner.

Look, whatever else is going on, I've always had a healthy head of hair.

Well, I hate to contradict Mrs. Brawling,

But the mirror only has one face and... you're looking at it.

Shit!

I'm getting bald!

What do I do?!

Convert to Judaism and wear a yarmulka?

There's no use fighting it, sweatheart.

I'm afraid age is the last trick any of us picks up.

The problem is, after it fucks us, it doesn't leave.

So if I were you, I'd stop singing the title song from "poor me" and accept it.

Then what? Die?

Or move to Palm Springs.

Pour yourself a Martini and ogle the...

Mexican boys.

Now... what shall we do with this?

Same old, same old?

It doesn't matter how many of these weddings I do, I always get a lump in my throat and a tear in my eyes.

Maybe it's allergies. What if everybody starts sneezing?

You see, I told you, we should've had it indoors! - The only stifles today will be stifles of joy,

from how lovely the bride looks. - I still think I should've left my hair down,

my face looks too round, doesn't it? - It's the perfect frame for the perfect picture.

You hear that, honey? - It's all an illusion, I'm a mess.

Are those rain clouds? - I think that it's time to cue the wedding march.

You need to relax.

To my beautiful bride...

From now on, you're my morning news, my evening news, and my special bulletin.

Don, what a beautiful sentiment!

Oh my God. Oh my God!

Alright, places, everyb...

I told you something would go wrong? Didn't I tell you there'll be a disaster?!

My blouse! Look at me! How can I go out there? I can't. It's ruined!

Everything is ruined!

Take it off.

Take it off. Take your blouse off, come on, be quick about it!

Chop chop! - Okay...

Oh my God.

Go, go go go. - Going!

I need a soup pot and two bottles of Bourgandy, please! Vits, vits!

As fast as we can, people!

You want a chicken too?!

That's a hell of a time to make cocque au vin, two minutes before our wedding!

Alright... - What the fuck are you doing?!

Just because I didn't carry her doesn't mean I'm not her mother too.

See the choo-choo go around the tracks, sonny boy? See it?

Sure is fun.

But after a while it gets monotonous and predictable,

and that's when we throw off the shackles of convention and relinquish control,

and cause senseless, tragic, disaster!

Oh my... did you see that?

Brian, what are you doing?

I'm just teaching my son how to have fun. Well I wish you'd listen to what I'm saying.

Just because I didn't carry her doesn't mean I'm not her mother too?

I was there every step of the way. Impregnating her, coaching her, taking care of her...

I even helped with the delivery. - So who says you're not?

Michael.

He's petitioning for joint custody. And 50 percent physical custody.

Who the hell does he think he is, the father?

The agreement was that he would always be a part of the baby's life,

but Mel and I would raise her. - Together.

Doesn't make any difference, we're still the same people. We're still Jenny Rebecca's parents.

Well, he seems to feel differently.

If only Melanie had been reasonable.

Melanie?

Our little Melanie?

Reasonable? - Instead of trying to force him out.

Now if he goes through with this, I'll be the one who's forced out.

The court will say I am the one with no legal rights.

It looks like your mommy is in quite a predicament. - Goddamn right she is.

I can't believe what I mess my life has become.

We've money.

What I need is for you to talk to him.

You're his best friend.

Hey Gus!

But it's okay, sonny boy.

We will get it back on track.

Wait, wait, wait...

Here, flip the switch.

That's should just about do it.

Just take that please, thank you, thank you, and we're here...

Perfect, here we go, and one...

and two... there!

It even matches your bouquet!

Thank you, thank you... let's go, let's go! - You're a genious.

I'm not a genious... aunt Lulu's the genious.

See, I'm back at Hazlehurst when I was a boy, my Momma worked and scraped to buy me good white pants for church,

Well, before we got there, I stole some boysenberry cobblers and, imagine the rest...

Momma was just about to whoop me, but aunt Lulu saved the day.

She picked a mass of boysenberries, made some boysenberry juice,

and next Sunday I had the most fabulous purple pants for the church.

Which I of course accessorized with a yellow sweater and a pink scarf.

That's a hell of a story.

When I got my fairy wings, I learned how to turn a diaster into something beautiful.

Now you two walk down that aisle, and live happily ever after.

Come on honey, there's no back room here, so I guess it's off to my place!

Last time I looked, there was a back room at Babylon.

Brian, hey... we were planning to stop by later.

Why not now? Avoid the crowds.

Look, it's not my fault the herd's moved on. All the hot guys come here now.

Look at that one... just look at him!

Tired old queen, desperately trying to hold on to...

Teddy?

Had to, Theodore?

Brian, what are you doing here?

Checking out the competition.

Me too.

Is that why you're in disguise?

My new look.

I was going for something newer, hipper.

I'm trying to bring them back to Babylon, not scare them away.

Well, you'd better do it fast or you're gonna lose your pants.

Might as well start now.

Like that? - Oh yeah.

How was your flight?

Okay. Let's try this again.

Christ! What's going on in here, you can hear her crying halfway around the block!

Colic. She's been up all night.

Oh. She got that from Michael.

I knew he'd turn out gay, he was a screamer from the day he arrived. Come here honeybun...

Honeybun is what I used to call Michael.

Look, you really shouldn't be here. Considering he plans to sue me for custody.

You still haven't learned, have you.

We have a child here, with a problem.

You got a hot water bottle?

In the kitchen, I think.

Fill it.

With warm water!

Grandma is going to make it alright, yes she is...

I know it hurts, I know it hurts honey.

Where's Mommy?

Debbie... I know you want to see your granddaughter,

and I appreciate your help, but... - But? What?

Until this thing's settled... - As far as I'm concerned, it already is.

The three of you carrying on, each of you wanting a piece of this poor child, that's shameful.

It's worse than that king.

You know the one, Solomon.

But the bottom line...

I say a baby belongs with its mother.

You do.

Maybe it's because I'm a mother.

A single mother.

And anyone who isn't and never has been, doesn't have a clue how tough that is, and that includes my son.

So whatever I can to do help, I'm here.

Thank you for being on my side.

Now, hear this.

The only one whose side I'm on is my granddaughter's.

Isn't that right, honeybun?

So tiny.

I hated it out there.

The weather never changes! All anybody talks about it the business.

If you don't have a go project, you're invisible.

Yeah yeah, as they say in the movies, cut to the chase. The guys are hot!

Yeah, except after a while they all start to look the same.

Perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Perfect body. - Sounds perfectly aweful.

And you can not trust anyone or believe anything anybody ever says.

Everybody's just looking out for themselves and their careers.

Yeah, sounds exactly like what you always hear about L.A...

a lot of shallow superficial assholes, desperately trying to be what they're not.

Hey Deb...

Can I get a soup spoon?

Sure can, honey, they're all by the counter. Help yourself.

You're lucky you got out of there in one piece, baby.

So much for Rage, the movie.

So much for Rage, the money!

It's okay, we'll be find. You know it's just as well that they didn't make it.

And you were right, by the time they'd have finished it, Rage would have wound up straight.

At least we still have the comic.

Our comic.

And most important, you're back with us, where you belong.

Yeah, what are you going to do now, really?

Never had much chance to think about it.

Don't you worry, baby. Your old job is still here waiting for you,

you can start busting tables any time you want.

So... would you like to slit your throat now, or after we have coffee?

Emmett! Welcome to channel 5 news.

Everyone is still raving about the wedding. Lila's friends want to know where she got that blouse,

said they never saw such a beautiful color.

Well, I'm just relieved everything worked out alright.

If there's anything I can do for you... your next wedding... - Actually, there is.

I watched you day after day through this entire event.

You did?

And I have a little proposition to make.

You do.

I want you, Emmett.

What is it with me and straight men...

Mr. McGruder, I'm very flattered... but you're a married man now.

What the hell are you... you don't think I...

Please, no....

Well you did say you wanted me. - For the news team.

As what? Sports commentator? Weather girl?

Either way I think you'd be terribly disappointed.

Listen, I don't have to tell you, queer is very hot right now. Everybody wants the gay perspective.

What do the gays think about fashion, cooking, decorating?

Like you said, that little fairy magic that gives us straights a little twist.

And you want me to... - To do a new segment.

Offer us the gay point of view.

Give us some tips, do some makeovers.

I.. I've never... - After that magic act you performed at our wedding, you can do anything.

That include being channel 5's queer guy.

Without the lights and the music and the hot guys, it's just a room, isn't it.

It's all an illusion.

Nothing but cheap theatrics.

Sorry about your baby.

Jenny?

Rage. - Oh, that.

Right now I got more important things to think about.

So why the urgent message on my cell?

I want you to leave Melanie and Lindsey alone.

They have enough shit to work out right now without you sticking your bulldog, or should I say, bulldyke laywer on them.

What the fuck business is it of yours if I want to hire a lawyer?

Who the fuck are you to... - Gus's father, that's who the fuck I am.

You had to lose a ball before you even knew he was alive!

I'm sorry, that was a...

uncalled for remark. It's just that...

because they're your son's parents too, I thought you'd understand.

What I understand, is that if you go through with this, Lindsey's going to be the one that's left out.

She's going to be the one that gets fucked over.

Well, she should've thought of that before she cheated on Mel and lied to me!

Christ, would you give it a rest already? We all know the story.

Why don't you stop defending her for a change and try defending me, your best friend?

Right now, the best thing for Jenny Rebecca is to be with Ben and me,

in a stable home, not being passed back and forth between two battling lesbians.

When did you change?

What?

When did you become this pious, sanctimonious, judgemental twit?

The point is not...

when did I change.

The point is, why haven't you.

When are you going to stop being some...

over the hill club boy, and grow up?

So now I'm the object of your disapproval too.

You and the nutty professor get married,

in fucking Canada,

you move to Stepford Avenue with all the...

other ersatz heterosexuals.

And suddently that gives you the right to make pronouncements on everybody else's life?

Upside of your perfect marriage, Mikey... it's called gay divorce.

Fags and dykes can fuck up their lives just like the rest of the world.

I'm just trying to do what's best for my daughter.

And protect my rights.

I'm sorry you can't see that.

Just call me...

the queer guy.

Wouldn't that be like calling the pope "the catholic guy"?

Don McGruder, the producer of the channel 5 news I've just did his wedding,

wants me to join the news team. I am returning to the cameras.

This time, with my clothes on. I'm going to be channel 5's queer guy.

Sharing tips, making quips, and generally showing Pittsburgh how to be fabulous.

You can start by showing me.

My hair, my gut, my face...

God, I look like a Sharpei. - There is nothing wrong with the way you look.

Would you stop being a friend and be honest? - I am being honest!

Come here. Come here!

Look at yourself. Your true self.

The self that kicked crystal.

That completed the Liberty Ride, that got a great job. You turned your life around, Teddy.

And that is something to be very, very proud of. You're practically a hero.

Okay so who cares if you put on a few pounds, or have a few character lines.

Stop looking at the shell... and see the pearl.

You're right, Em.

You're so right.

It did sound good, didn't it. Maybe I can use it on my segment.

Well,

this queer guy's gotta get to the gym and then get some beauty rest.

Camera's merciless, you know. Shows every line and immediately adds ten pounds.

I'll see you baby!

Thanks Em...

Hey, you're going to make a great queer guy. You already are.

Can't help it!

Hi, yes, my name is Ted Schmidt,

and I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor.

Be right with you.

My attorney advised me not to talk to you.

Well, I'm an attorney too, and I'd say she's being overly cautious.

After all, we're friends.

Family.

Are we?

I'm sure we can work this out.

Save ourselves a lot of grief, and legal expenses. Which if I know anything about lawyers,

this is why she doesn't want us communicating.

Look. I admit. I overreacted.

I was just being protective, the way any mother would. You can understand that.

There's no question you're part of Jenny Rebecca's life!

It's just that she's still young.

She's still breastfeeding.

I was thinking that maybe later on down the road, maybe when she's four or five,

she could spend some time with you and Ben, I think that's perfectly reasonable.

Don't you?

How dumb do you think I am?

No. Don't answer that, I can imagine.

First you tell me I have no rights, which isn't true. I have as much rights as you.

Now you try to get me to agree not to take her until she's four or five?

I'm sorry Mel, I'm not backing off.

I can't believe you're doing this!

After we stood right here in your store and agreed that you could be the father,

instead of just a sperm donor. - Then why won't you let me have her?

Cause you don't know shit about raising a baby! Even your own mother agrees.

My mother? - Yes, she thinks you're behaving like an asshole.

Oh really?

You know what? I don't give a flying fuck what my mother thinks.

Jenny Rebecca is my daughter too, and I'm going to have joint custody.

Then you go ahead and try.

But let me tell you, you're not only up against one angry mother,

and lesbian. You're up against one pissed off lawyer.

So...

was it all you remembered?

And more.

What about you?

It was... okay.

Just okay.

It was great.

Say it was great. Say it was great! Say it!

It was great, it was great, it was great.

It was great.

It was. It was great.

I thought you're never coming back.

I figured.

Why would you?

Can't imagine.

What's this?

It's one of my storyboards from the movie.

It's good.

Thanks.

What?

Nothing.

I told everyone how shitty it was out there.

How stupid everyone was.

Truth is, I loved it.

I know...

It was hot. It was fun, it was exciting.

We were going to change the world. The world's first gay superhero.

Well, it's over.

Now you're back.

Must be quite a let down after all that.

There's still one thing Pittsburgh has that Hollywood doesn't.

That is, if the offer still stands.