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1
00:00:01,481 --> 00:00:02,750
America.
2
00:00:03,484 --> 00:00:05,135
God took extra care
when he made
3
00:00:05,220 --> 00:00:06,601
this country,
didn't he, Benny?
4
00:00:07,312 --> 00:00:09,500
You're talking about
the endless expanse of dirt
5
00:00:09,585 --> 00:00:10,679
in front of us?
6
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,382
Ah, it's not just dirt.
7
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,623
Look, there's a big rock.
8
00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:18,017
And a medium-sized rock.
That's fun.
9
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:20,805
Okay, Rev, this might be
a good time to remind you
10
00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:22,486
that the only reason
I'm taking you
11
00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:23,647
and your friends
to Oregon
12
00:00:23,747 --> 00:00:24,985
is to avoid
swinging from a noose.
13
00:00:25,069 --> 00:00:27,572
And I'm definitely
not here to have fun. Got it?
14
00:00:27,672 --> 00:00:30,935
Got it. No fun
for the scary outlaw man.
15
00:00:31,035 --> 00:00:32,793
Oh, my
gosh, Benny, a bald eagle!
16
00:00:32,877 --> 00:00:36,341
Wow! No wonder it became
the symbol of America.
17
00:00:36,441 --> 00:00:37,662
I mean,
look at its strength,
18
00:00:37,762 --> 00:00:40,465
its majesty.
Ah, certainly this
19
00:00:40,565 --> 00:00:41,987
is an auspicious sign
for our...
20
00:00:42,087 --> 00:00:44,089
Oh!
21
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:49,394
Why?
22
00:00:49,494 --> 00:00:51,917
You just killed America.
23
00:01:23,089 --> 00:01:25,992
Another long day
on the trail.
24
00:01:26,092 --> 00:01:27,394
You thought today was tough,
25
00:01:27,494 --> 00:01:29,436
tomorrow we're gonna be
fording our first river,
26
00:01:29,536 --> 00:01:30,717
and it ain't
gonna be pretty.
27
00:01:30,817 --> 00:01:32,519
Aside from
the natural beauty,
28
00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,201
which will be stunning.
29
00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:36,403
Wait, bup-bup-bup!
30
00:01:36,503 --> 00:01:37,941
Let's not forget
about grace, though.
31
00:01:38,025 --> 00:01:40,648
Yep.
32
00:01:40,748 --> 00:01:42,369
Bless us, oh Lord,
and these thy gifts
33
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,931
which we are about
to receive
34
00:01:44,031 --> 00:01:46,033
- through thy bounty.
- Am...
35
00:01:47,755 --> 00:01:49,217
You've given us
so many gifts,
36
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,899
oh Lord,
too numerous to count.
37
00:01:51,999 --> 00:01:52,860
But I'll try.
38
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,023
One, the rolling hills.
39
00:01:55,123 --> 00:01:57,465
Two, the beautiful sky.
40
00:01:57,565 --> 00:01:59,988
Three, trees.
41
00:02:00,088 --> 00:02:02,711
Just trees, in general,
are fantastic.
42
00:02:02,811 --> 00:02:05,033
Boo!
I'll take it from here.
43
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,595
Cram it in, shit it out.
44
00:02:06,695 --> 00:02:08,917
That's what food
is all about. Amen.
45
00:02:10,699 --> 00:02:12,321
That was really not
a proper grace.
46
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,042
Hey, Rev.
Here's a grace for you.
47
00:02:14,142 --> 00:02:15,324
Oh!
48
00:02:17,146 --> 00:02:18,710
Unbelievable.
49
00:02:18,795 --> 00:02:20,009
Benny, can I have a word?
50
00:02:20,109 --> 00:02:21,186
Oh, wow.
51
00:02:21,270 --> 00:02:22,972
Is that the bald eagle
you shot? You bet.
52
00:02:23,072 --> 00:02:25,454
Nothing hits the spot after
a hard day on the trail
53
00:02:25,554 --> 00:02:27,496
like a roasted baldie.
You want some?
54
00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:29,098
- No, no thank you.
- Your loss.
55
00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,419
Face is the best part.
56
00:02:30,519 --> 00:02:32,582
Look, Benny, I know
57
00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:34,023
you come from
a bandit background,
58
00:02:34,123 --> 00:02:36,025
and therefore have
different values
59
00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:37,202
from the rest of us.
60
00:02:38,568 --> 00:02:41,010
A bullet was lodged
in my windpipe.
61
00:02:41,971 --> 00:02:43,049
These people
look up to you,
62
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,675
for reasons I do not
completely understand.
63
00:02:45,775 --> 00:02:47,077
I think if you
were to exhibit
64
00:02:47,177 --> 00:02:49,599
just the smallest fraction
of moral leadership,
65
00:02:49,699 --> 00:02:51,013
they would all follow suit.
66
00:02:51,098 --> 00:02:52,362
Yeah, I'm not gonna
do that.
67
00:02:52,462 --> 00:02:53,924
Why?
68
00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:57,087
Because there is no morality
on the trail.
69
00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:58,825
You think we're gonna
cross that river tomorrow
70
00:02:58,909 --> 00:03:00,170
by minding our Ps and Qs?
71
00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:02,092
The only morality out here
72
00:03:02,192 --> 00:03:04,094
is either kill or be killed.
73
00:03:04,194 --> 00:03:06,377
You said it, Benny.
74
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,940
It's either kill
or be killed.
75
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,902
Levi, are you drunk?
76
00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:13,424
Maybe I am,
maybe I ain't.
77
00:03:13,524 --> 00:03:16,908
Who are you, my sponsor?
78
00:03:17,008 --> 00:03:19,010
He's a good kid.
79
00:03:22,173 --> 00:03:23,955
All right, folks.
80
00:03:24,055 --> 00:03:26,878
Looks like the river's
deeper than we expected,
81
00:03:26,978 --> 00:03:28,800
so we're gonna float
the wagons across.
82
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,082
So let's caulk 'em tight.
83
00:03:30,182 --> 00:03:32,284
Oh, that's
a fine-looking caulk
84
00:03:32,384 --> 00:03:33,405
you got there, William.
85
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,686
Ooh, John.
86
00:03:34,786 --> 00:03:36,969
You've got a big,
beautiful caulk, too.
87
00:03:37,069 --> 00:03:38,971
Your wife's a lucky woman.
88
00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:42,254
Oh, no.
89
00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:44,296
Looks like the reverend
has a little baby caulk.
90
00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:48,461
Ha, ha, ha.
Such a clever wordsmith,
91
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,263
making a pun involving
the word "caulk."
92
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,186
Somebody's got
tiny caulk energy.
93
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:56,389
I'm getting so sick
of Benny.
94
00:03:56,489 --> 00:03:57,686
He's turning everyone
into a bunch
95
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,352
of nasty brutes,
just like him.
96
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,634
Oh, relax.
They're just having fun.
97
00:04:01,734 --> 00:04:04,197
I mean, come on! We're about
to ford a frickin' river.
98
00:04:04,297 --> 00:04:05,518
How cool is that?
99
00:04:05,618 --> 00:04:06,976
Yeah, I would say less cool
and more terrifying,
100
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,922
given the high percentage
chance that we die.
101
00:04:09,022 --> 00:04:10,059
You're looking at it
all wrong.
102
00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:12,686
This is classic Oregon Trail.
Get hyped.
103
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,928
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse me?
104
00:04:15,028 --> 00:04:17,050
Mr. Teen?
Does fording the river
105
00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:18,572
involve me getting wet?
106
00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:20,054
- Uh, probably.
- No.
107
00:04:20,154 --> 00:04:21,751
There's gotta be another way
to get across.
108
00:04:21,835 --> 00:04:24,018
Well, there's a ferry boat
a few miles down the road,
109
00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:26,076
but that's just for suckers
willing to pay a fortune.
110
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,783
Perhaps you haven't
heard, then... I'm rich.
111
00:04:28,883 --> 00:04:31,626
I like that it's expensive.
I get off on that.
112
00:04:31,726 --> 00:04:33,724
Are you sure, dear? 'Cause
I was really looking forward
113
00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:35,045
to fording the river
with everyone.
114
00:04:35,129 --> 00:04:37,432
Don't be silly.
You want to go on the ferry
115
00:04:37,532 --> 00:04:39,534
with the rich,
better people.
116
00:04:41,296 --> 00:04:43,298
Guess I'll see you on
the other side. Right.
117
00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:46,561
They have
a nice relationship.
118
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,123
Benny,
we got a problem.
119
00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:49,925
Can't get
the wagons to float.
120
00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:52,185
We moved some things around,
but we're still too heavy.
121
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:54,610
I knew you would.
122
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:56,091
Just gotta leave
somebody behind.
123
00:04:56,191 --> 00:04:57,332
Leave somebody behind?
124
00:04:57,432 --> 00:04:59,030
No, we can't do that.
That's a death sentence.
125
00:04:59,114 --> 00:05:01,577
Well, yeah, it'd be a bummer
for the one guy,
126
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,939
but the rest of us get
to float across, no problem.
127
00:05:04,039 --> 00:05:05,557
Yeah, sure, of course
you would think of it
128
00:05:05,641 --> 00:05:06,582
like that,
but the rest of us
129
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:07,543
will never
go along with that.
130
00:05:07,643 --> 00:05:09,545
I'll take it from here, Rev.
131
00:05:09,645 --> 00:05:11,547
I believe I can speak
for everybody here
132
00:05:11,647 --> 00:05:12,388
when I say, uh...
133
00:05:12,488 --> 00:05:13,309
not it!
134
00:05:13,409 --> 00:05:15,111
Not it!
135
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:16,272
- Seriously?
- Not it!
136
00:05:16,372 --> 00:05:17,513
Rev, you didn't say
"not it."
137
00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:21,377
Too late.
138
00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:24,657
All right, the best way
to handle this
139
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,443
is to leave
the weakest link behind.
140
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,044
So all we gotta do
is figure out
141
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:30,407
which one of you brings
the least to the table.
142
00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:32,008
Are you out of your mind?
143
00:05:32,108 --> 00:05:33,890
You can't put a value
on human life.
144
00:05:33,990 --> 00:05:36,493
Sure you can.
I'm a 10, you're a 6,
145
00:05:36,593 --> 00:05:38,896
John's a 6,
George is a 6.
146
00:05:38,996 --> 00:05:41,258
Honestly, I'm seeing
a lot of 6s.
147
00:05:41,358 --> 00:05:43,076
I can't believe you all
are even considering this.
148
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,382
We are talking about leaving
one of our own
149
00:05:45,482 --> 00:05:47,304
to die alone
in the wilderness.
150
00:05:51,128 --> 00:05:52,750
Look, if each one of us
sacrifices
151
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:54,352
something small and personal,
152
00:05:54,452 --> 00:05:55,393
we can cut the weight
that way.
153
00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:56,474
Yeah.
154
00:05:56,574 --> 00:05:57,915
Like anybody's
gonna go for that.
155
00:05:58,015 --> 00:06:00,278
They will, because they are
not heartless monsters,
156
00:06:00,378 --> 00:06:02,400
like you.
Ah, perfect.
157
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,882
John, perhaps you
would consider
158
00:06:03,982 --> 00:06:05,203
sacrificing
your rocking chair.
159
00:06:05,303 --> 00:06:06,564
It's a family heirloom!
160
00:06:06,664 --> 00:06:08,567
My grandaddy died
on that rocking chair.
161
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,107
And three of my kids
were born on it.
162
00:06:12,911 --> 00:06:14,028
What about
those pots and pans?
163
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,149
Surely you can lose
a couple of them
164
00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:16,295
if it means saving a life.
165
00:06:16,395 --> 00:06:17,576
What am I supposed to do,
166
00:06:17,676 --> 00:06:19,858
make beans in a stew pot?
167
00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:22,541
Make stew in a bean pot?
What about the piano?
168
00:06:22,641 --> 00:06:23,878
Surely we can do without
Martha's piano.
169
00:06:23,962 --> 00:06:25,905
What? And no tunes
for the road?
170
00:06:31,931 --> 00:06:33,432
Here are
your boarding passes,
171
00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:35,194
and please enjoy
a complimentary glass
172
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:36,355
of sparkling corn water.
173
00:06:36,455 --> 00:06:38,277
- Happy trails.
- This is more like it.
174
00:06:38,377 --> 00:06:39,959
Is this heaven
or is this heaven?
175
00:06:40,059 --> 00:06:42,802
Prudence.
176
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,166
Sorry. I was just thinking
about our friends.
177
00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,388
I feel bad for not
fording the river with them.
178
00:06:49,549 --> 00:06:51,611
Are you joking?
This is way better.
179
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,213
Now we're going to Oregon
in style.
180
00:06:54,795 --> 00:06:56,456
Wait, hold on,
did you just say Oregon?
181
00:06:56,556 --> 00:06:57,978
We're actually going
to Oregon, too.
182
00:06:58,078 --> 00:07:01,582
I'm Kya, and this is
my partner, Purple. Hi.
183
00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:06,307
You have weird
and crazy names.
184
00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:07,828
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
185
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,391
Yeah. They were
bequeathed to us by a shaman,
186
00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,914
in the
"Ethspanish" territory.
187
00:07:13,014 --> 00:07:14,275
Wow. I'm so jealous.
188
00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:15,957
It was super meaningful,
189
00:07:16,057 --> 00:07:19,400
You know,
living that #WagonLife.
190
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:20,642
What's WagonLife?
191
00:07:20,742 --> 00:07:22,283
- Oh, it's a lifestyle.
- Lifestyle.
192
00:07:22,383 --> 00:07:24,365
Yeah, we travel around
the country
193
00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:25,647
in a refurbished wagon
194
00:07:25,747 --> 00:07:27,329
going wherever
the good wind takes us.
195
00:07:27,429 --> 00:07:29,531
Yeah, we kind
of believe that
196
00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:31,773
if you're not living
every single second
197
00:07:31,873 --> 00:07:33,255
as an adventure,
it's like,
198
00:07:33,355 --> 00:07:34,432
what are you doing with
your life? What are you doing?
199
00:07:34,516 --> 00:07:36,218
Like, what are you doing?
200
00:07:36,318 --> 00:07:38,901
Maybe it sounds stupid,
but not everyone gets it.
201
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,262
I totally get it.
202
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:43,305
I... I feel like that all
the time. You do?
203
00:07:43,405 --> 00:07:45,347
It's...
just I thought you were
204
00:07:45,447 --> 00:07:48,270
perfectly happy being
my meek and servile wife.
205
00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:50,953
It's just, you know, I...
I could understand
206
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,955
how someone else
could feel that way.
207
00:07:54,777 --> 00:07:57,280
Smoke a lot of opium.
That's the deal.
208
00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:58,921
That's what we're doing,
drugs.
209
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,683
And we just kinda
wanted to know
210
00:08:00,783 --> 00:08:03,126
if you wanted
to come vibe with us.
211
00:08:03,226 --> 00:08:06,169
See what happens.
Yes, we'd love to.
212
00:08:06,269 --> 00:08:07,330
Oh, beauty.
213
00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:10,153
Yay! #NewFriends.
214
00:08:11,715 --> 00:08:13,376
Why does she
keep saying "hashtag"?
215
00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:15,419
Oh, yeah, Purple
was kicked in the head
216
00:08:15,519 --> 00:08:16,540
by a beautiful horse,
217
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,422
so now she just
says things at random.
218
00:08:18,522 --> 00:08:19,303
Ah, got it.
219
00:08:19,403 --> 00:08:22,266
Yas, queen.
That's bae.
220
00:08:22,366 --> 00:08:24,668
It's cute, right?
That is bae, darling.
221
00:08:24,768 --> 00:08:26,670
All right, folks,
it's time to play
222
00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:29,153
Who! Will! Die!
223
00:08:29,253 --> 00:08:30,450
I just want to say
I am sickened
224
00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:32,396
and appalled by all of this.
225
00:08:32,496 --> 00:08:34,318
Have we forsaken
our humanity?
226
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,963
When do you have time
to make that?
227
00:08:39,063 --> 00:08:40,381
All right, let's meet
our contestants.
228
00:08:40,465 --> 00:08:43,528
First up, she's got
the face of an angel,
229
00:08:43,628 --> 00:08:45,089
and the mouth of a sailor,
230
00:08:45,189 --> 00:08:46,331
it's Granny McGill!
231
00:08:46,431 --> 00:08:48,493
Kiss my pruny ass.
232
00:08:48,593 --> 00:08:50,151
Next up,
he's the little stinker
233
00:08:50,235 --> 00:08:52,377
with a host of chronic
health problems,
234
00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:53,418
it's Young Levi!
235
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,103
Oh, no. There's blood.
236
00:08:58,203 --> 00:09:00,586
Last but not
least, she's fun-loving
237
00:09:00,686 --> 00:09:02,107
with a bun in the oven,
238
00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:04,189
it's Pregnant Ruth!
239
00:09:04,289 --> 00:09:06,432
Please let me out of this!
240
00:09:06,532 --> 00:09:07,793
Think of my baby!
241
00:09:07,893 --> 00:09:09,130
This is a tough one, huh?
242
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:10,772
I think we're gonna have
to have a bonus round.
243
00:09:10,856 --> 00:09:12,718
A fight to the death!
244
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,520
No, no, no, no, no!
245
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,841
This is grotesque.
246
00:09:15,941 --> 00:09:18,444
All right, if we have
to leave somebody behind,
247
00:09:18,544 --> 00:09:19,645
let it be me.
248
00:09:21,147 --> 00:09:22,769
Uh, Rev, I don't think
249
00:09:22,869 --> 00:09:24,410
you understand
how the rules work.
250
00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:25,451
You're off the hook.
251
00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:26,709
It's one of these losers
has to die.
252
00:09:26,793 --> 00:09:28,375
No, no, I understand
the rules, Benny.
253
00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:30,032
Just because everybody else
has abandoned
254
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:31,298
their basic moral principles
255
00:09:31,398 --> 00:09:33,180
doesn't mean
I have to as well.
256
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,542
All right, it's settled.
I'm... I'm staying.
257
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:36,663
Hmm.
258
00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:38,465
- Thank you.
- Oh, of course.
259
00:09:38,565 --> 00:09:39,866
Thanks, Reverend.
260
00:09:39,966 --> 00:09:41,969
No problem, Levi.
261
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,652
What the hell
is going on here?
262
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,515
Hit it. Hit it.
263
00:09:48,615 --> 00:09:49,717
Hit it. Hit it.
264
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,283
- Smooth, right?
- Okay.
265
00:09:55,383 --> 00:09:56,684
- It's good stuff.
- I like that.
266
00:09:56,784 --> 00:09:59,407
You guys are officially
my role models.
267
00:09:59,507 --> 00:10:01,049
You live in this cute wagon
268
00:10:01,149 --> 00:10:03,011
and go on
these fun adventures.
269
00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:04,468
How are you able
to live like this?
270
00:10:04,552 --> 00:10:07,375
We get paid to take pictures
of our travels.
271
00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:09,417
I mean, our fans love
to see the world
272
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:10,618
through our unique lens.
273
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,140
Let's show them pictures.
274
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,462
Ah, this is us
with Lewis and Clark.
275
00:10:14,562 --> 00:10:17,746
What? You went on the
Lewis and Clark expedition?
276
00:10:17,846 --> 00:10:19,067
Mm-hmm. We know them.
277
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,989
Tell me everything!
278
00:10:21,089 --> 00:10:23,111
Is Sacagawea just, like,
so beautiful in real life?
279
00:10:23,211 --> 00:10:24,433
We didn't go on the trip.
280
00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:25,714
We just happened
to be staying
281
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:27,076
at the same hunting lodge.
282
00:10:27,176 --> 00:10:28,998
- Oh.
- Get this. This is crazy.
283
00:10:29,098 --> 00:10:31,400
Clark actually
thinks he's hot shit,
284
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,723
and in reality,
285
00:10:33,823 --> 00:10:35,084
he's not.
He's not.
286
00:10:35,184 --> 00:10:36,421
- That is crazy.
- He's just, like, a guy.
287
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,728
Oh, this is us
at the White House.
288
00:10:38,828 --> 00:10:41,090
- Oh, my gosh.
- Babe, you are so hot in that.
289
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,412
- And spiritual.
- Uh-huh.
290
00:10:42,512 --> 00:10:44,974
That is a picture
of me being spiritual.
291
00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:47,537
Okay. So what was
the White House like?
292
00:10:47,637 --> 00:10:49,579
We didn't go inside.
293
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,541
It's actually
my personal belief
294
00:10:51,641 --> 00:10:53,643
that politics is fake.
295
00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:55,545
Huh.
296
00:10:55,645 --> 00:10:57,647
True.
297
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,435
Hey, what's going on
over here?
298
00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:06,292
What are you doing
with all this river trash?
299
00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:08,118
I am building myself a raft
300
00:11:08,218 --> 00:11:09,680
made of discarded wagon parts
301
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:10,977
tied together
with horse flesh.
302
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,364
It's not much, I know,
but I am hoping
303
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,466
the good Lord will have
mercy on my soul.
304
00:11:18,149 --> 00:11:19,330
- Whoa!
- All right, wise guy.
305
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:21,452
The jig is up.
Tell me what's going on here
306
00:11:21,552 --> 00:11:22,493
or I'm gonna pump you
full of lead!
307
00:11:22,593 --> 00:11:23,831
There's nothing going on,
I swear.
308
00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:27,138
Oh, come on! No one willingly
dies for no reason!
309
00:11:27,238 --> 00:11:28,540
What are you getting
out of it?
310
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,663
Nothing! I just...
It's being selfless.
311
00:11:31,763 --> 00:11:32,744
Self what?
312
00:11:32,844 --> 00:11:35,587
Selfless.
Like, when you do something
313
00:11:35,687 --> 00:11:38,550
for someone else with
no personal gain for yourself?
314
00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:41,513
Just out of the goodness
of your heart?
315
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:46,238
You know, I did save a guy
from a fire once. Yeah.
316
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,535
But I mean,
that was just to rob him.
317
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,001
I shot him right after.
318
00:11:49,101 --> 00:11:50,883
Oh, no.
That's not it, then.
319
00:11:50,983 --> 00:11:53,045
I don't know how else
to put it, Benny.
320
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,182
I just... I'm doing it because
321
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:56,248
I think it's
the moral thing to do.
322
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,811
No.
Nah, I'm not buying it.
323
00:11:58,911 --> 00:12:00,173
You're up to something.
324
00:12:00,273 --> 00:12:01,494
I'm really not.
I swear.
325
00:12:01,594 --> 00:12:05,098
Hey, watch out for this one,
folks. He's good.
326
00:12:05,198 --> 00:12:07,861
Very good.
327
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,662
Wait, wait, wait.
I don't understand.
328
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:11,624
So, you guys are just
329
00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:14,948
taking photos and not actually
doing these things?
330
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:17,511
What's your point?
What about living your life
331
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,952
like it's an adventure?
332
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:20,209
I thought that
was your whole thing.
333
00:12:20,293 --> 00:12:23,237
It is, but it's also
just like,
334
00:12:23,337 --> 00:12:24,598
you know,
an inspirational quote
335
00:12:24,698 --> 00:12:27,241
for, like, basic farm girls
to stitch on a pillow.
336
00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:29,343
It's our brand.
337
00:12:29,743 --> 00:12:31,605
Oh, my God.
338
00:12:31,705 --> 00:12:33,703
I shouldn't be here.
I should be fording the river.
339
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,569
Ew. Why would you be
fording the river?
340
00:12:35,669 --> 00:12:38,012
Sweetheart, never ford a
river. Oh, that's so gross.
341
00:12:38,112 --> 00:12:39,550
No, my friends
are out there
342
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:42,016
having a real adventure,
unlike you guys
343
00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:44,979
who are just #fake.
Hey! Excuse me.
344
00:12:45,079 --> 00:12:46,621
Do not make fun of
my wife's condition.
345
00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:49,324
It took hours to get
that horseshoe out of her head.
346
00:12:50,405 --> 00:12:52,187
Wait, Prudence!
What are you doing?
347
00:12:52,287 --> 00:12:53,868
The ferry's
about to take off.
348
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:55,670
Prudence!
349
00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:56,872
I...
350
00:12:56,972 --> 00:12:58,754
I'm so sorry.
351
00:12:58,854 --> 00:13:00,836
Yeah, it's a bummer.
352
00:13:00,936 --> 00:13:02,557
I really thought
we were all gonna swing.
353
00:13:03,939 --> 00:13:05,961
- Well, I am still down.
- No.
354
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:08,604
It was you watching,
at best.
355
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,165
- I liked her.
- At best.
356
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:12,528
- Hnaah...
- You should probably head out.
357
00:13:12,628 --> 00:13:13,905
- I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, head out.
358
00:13:13,989 --> 00:13:15,531
- I'm gonna go.
- Goodbye.
359
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:17,613
- Thank you for the drugs.
- Yes.
360
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,616
All right, folks,
it's fording time!
361
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:22,859
- Yeah!
- Ha ha! Come on, now.
362
00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:24,821
- Yeah!
- Move 'em out.
363
00:13:24,921 --> 00:13:26,923
Come on,
put some muscle into it!
364
00:13:32,569 --> 00:13:34,791
Well, God,
365
00:13:34,891 --> 00:13:36,893
wish me luck.
366
00:13:42,619 --> 00:13:45,202
Benny? We making a mistake
leaving the rev behind?
367
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,683
This don't feel right.
368
00:13:46,783 --> 00:13:47,885
Nah, don't fall for it.
369
00:13:47,985 --> 00:13:49,326
This is some kind
of a trick.
370
00:13:49,426 --> 00:13:51,729
Oh, no!
I'm sinking instantly!
371
00:13:51,829 --> 00:13:53,250
This was a terrible plan!
372
00:13:55,072 --> 00:13:56,734
It's a classic
Dead Man Shuffle.
373
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,736
Keep an eye on your wallets,
folks.
374
00:13:58,836 --> 00:13:59,977
I'm not a swimmer!
375
00:14:00,077 --> 00:14:02,019
I didn't grow up
around water!
376
00:14:02,119 --> 00:14:04,182
Huh. Not familiar
with this trick.
377
00:14:04,282 --> 00:14:05,783
Goodbye, world!
378
00:14:11,129 --> 00:14:13,792
Oh, I see.
He's just fully dying.
379
00:14:13,892 --> 00:14:16,414
Okay. Interesting.
380
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:21,680
Help! Help!
381
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,802
We have to do something!
382
00:14:23,902 --> 00:14:26,165
Are you crazy?
And risk our necks?
383
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,607
- Help!
- Zeke!
384
00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:31,210
I'm coming for ya!
Hold on!
385
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:32,691
Oh, yes! Yes!
386
00:14:32,791 --> 00:14:34,793
Now she's doing it?
387
00:14:36,435 --> 00:14:38,798
Come on, girl.
You got this.
388
00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:48,628
Oh, my God!
389
00:14:48,728 --> 00:14:52,112
- I got you.
- Oh, wow. You are very strong!
390
00:14:52,212 --> 00:14:54,354
- Swim, Prudence! Come on, girl!
- You can do it!
391
00:14:54,454 --> 00:14:55,956
Hey, hey, don't let them on!
392
00:14:56,056 --> 00:14:57,677
They're too heavy!
We'll sink!
393
00:14:57,777 --> 00:15:01,161
You shut your yap, Benny.
We're done listening to you.
394
00:15:01,261 --> 00:15:03,764
Everybody, start throwing
your stuff overboard!
395
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,309
Here we go.
396
00:15:10,711 --> 00:15:12,573
Craziest damn thing
I've ever seen!
397
00:15:12,673 --> 00:15:13,814
Keep swimming!
398
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,776
Rev, hold on!
399
00:15:15,876 --> 00:15:17,878
You can do it!
400
00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:23,704
All right.
401
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:26,487
Let's see what this morality
thing is all about.
402
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:31,713
Hey! That was mine!
403
00:15:31,813 --> 00:15:33,875
Yeah, well,
that was pretty big for me.
404
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,977
We all saw
where I was at earlier.
405
00:15:37,899 --> 00:15:40,202
All right, let's get
these wagons on shore!
406
00:15:40,302 --> 00:15:43,125
Pru, you saved my life.
407
00:15:43,225 --> 00:15:45,367
- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?
408
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,769
Did you see me out there?
I was all like,
409
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:50,372
whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
"I got you, Zeke,"
410
00:15:50,472 --> 00:15:53,335
and then everyone was like,
"She's a hero! Oh, my God,
411
00:15:53,435 --> 00:15:55,498
I want to marry you, Prudence!
I worship you."
412
00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:56,779
For a near-death experience,
413
00:15:56,879 --> 00:15:57,956
there were a lot
of nice moments.
414
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,202
Prudence!
415
00:16:01,123 --> 00:16:02,265
Oh, shit.
416
00:16:02,365 --> 00:16:03,906
What the hell was that
back there?
417
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,165
You embarrassed me in front
of our attractive new friends.
418
00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:08,431
I'm sorry, dear,
but I really just needed
419
00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:10,753
to do this for myself.
Okay?
420
00:16:10,853 --> 00:16:11,794
Hey, no.
421
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,636
What has gotten into you?
422
00:16:17,941 --> 00:16:19,943
This is not the woman
I married.
423
00:16:21,985 --> 00:16:23,166
You're wrong, dear.
424
00:16:23,266 --> 00:16:25,769
This is the woman
you married.
425
00:16:25,869 --> 00:16:26,890
Get used to it.
426
00:16:30,914 --> 00:16:33,597
I'm wet!
427
00:16:34,958 --> 00:16:37,621
Oh, my beautiful dry skin
is ruined!
428
00:16:37,721 --> 00:16:38,823
It's ruined!
429
00:16:41,645 --> 00:16:43,908
- Let me help you.
- No!
430
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:48,753
Well, Rev, I gotta say,
you were right.
431
00:16:48,853 --> 00:16:50,715
I think there is room
for morality
432
00:16:50,815 --> 00:16:52,437
out on the trail,
once in a while.
433
00:16:52,537 --> 00:16:53,718
I'm glad
you see it that way.
434
00:16:53,818 --> 00:16:55,920
- Good.
- I'm sorry, I'm very wet.
435
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:58,363
Hey guys. Do you mind
if we just take a quick pic?
436
00:16:58,463 --> 00:17:00,645
Just a quick little snap
of the whole fam?
437
00:17:00,745 --> 00:17:01,927
Everyone gather round.
438
00:17:04,749 --> 00:17:06,692
All right, ready, fit fam?
439
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,894
Let's take it.
Three, two, one.
440
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,058
Sex!
441
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,405
All right.
442
00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:22,548
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho!
443
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:23,629
We gotta do grace.
444
00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:25,111
Oh, shucks!
445
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,233
Come on,
quit your griping.
446
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:29,335
Let's keep it classy,
people.
447
00:17:30,056 --> 00:17:32,058
Rev, if you please.
448
00:17:33,259 --> 00:17:34,881
Bless us, oh, Lord,
and these, thy gifts
449
00:17:34,981 --> 00:17:35,922
which we are about
to receive
450
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,024
from thy bounty.
451
00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:41,888
Forget about that.
452
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:43,250
Cram it in, shit it out.
453
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:44,387
That's what food
is all about.
454
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,473
- Amen.
- Amen!
455
00:17:46,992 --> 00:17:48,249
There you go.
32190
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