Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

[HORNS HONKING]

[INAUDIBLE]

- I've got to go. - Grace!

[TRAIN WHISTLES]

[PIANO PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

[COUGHS]

Hi.

Hi.

No smoking.

[WATER RUNNING]

[PLAYING NOTE]

[SONG PLAYING]

[CROWD OF PEOPLE TALKING]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

Aah.

Hello, Nelly.

Brooksy, I thought that was you.

How are you?

You're looking beautiful, lost a lot of weight.

- No, I didn't, Nelly. - Where have you been, lover?

There's Will. Hello, Will.

- Brooks. - Here comes old Goony Bird.

Come on, let's go. The kid's tired.

Of course she is.

She's had a hard day on the stage, haven't you?

We all have to work hard. Come on.

See you, folks.

You've got a lot of charm, Will.

Hello. Hello.

How are you, Brooks?

Daddy, did you see me?

See you?

You were the best thing in the show.

Hello.

Glad you could make it.

See you, Ralph.

Come on. Any word on Lepridon?

They still haven't come to a decision.

Oh.

Okay, Sel. Come on.

Come on.

You're never going to see me again.

This is goodbye.

Come on. No, no, no. Put your hands around me.

Don't fool around. Come on. Okay.

Mm!

Come on, come on, Sel.

What?

Sel...

Oh.

Come on, come on. See the camera?

Mm-hmm.

I want to feel the nails on my neck.

Okay, you got it?

Uh-huh. All right.

Let me see some more face.

More face, that's right.

Mouth open... just nice.

Okay.

[TRIGGERS SELF-TIMER]

Okay, hands on my neck.

Put the nails on. Oh...oh.

- Brooks... - Mm?

Come on. It's getting late.

I've got to start on this thing first thing in the morning.

They want the rough sketches by Tuesday.

- Brooks? - Hmm?

If we get the truck account,

think we could start looking for that new house?

We'll see. Come on, get back in bed.

Okay.

Had plans for four years.

You need your work space.

This is just before the kiss goodbye.

Now, open your mouth.

CHILD 1: Leave that alone.

CHILD 2: You said I could have it.

I did not.

You did too.

I did not.

You did too.

Mom! Mom!

Mom!

Boy, you tear that, you'll see what I do.

So how come you're tearing my stuff?

Why is it on the floor?

Because I was coloring on the floor.

Well, you could have picked the book up.

Well, I wanted to leave it on the floor.

[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Instead of leaving it, I'll put it by Baby Lionel.

You do, and I'll rip every single hair out of your head.

[LAUGHING]

Well, I'll rip everything out of your head too.

[RINGING STOPS]

Hannah, Mommy wants you.

Brooks, telephone.

Hannah, come on, she wants you.

Brooks, telephone.

Brooks, long distance.

Brooks, your agent's on the phone.

Hurry up, Brooks. It's station to station.

All right.

Sel, where's my bathrobe?

Sel, can I have some coffee, please?

All right.

Hello, Edward.

Hello, Edward!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, Brooks, two things.

First, I've got bad news about the Fields job.

The client's not happy with it, so they're not going to run it.

They want to know

if you'll play ball with them

and settle for half your fee.

Oh, for God's sake, Edward!

Brooks, why, you've got to think their side of it.

I worked two weeks on that thing,

and they weren't paying anything to begin with, anyway.

I know, I know.

I just think you ought to go along with them.

Well, the hell with that. I'm not going to do it.

Now, second-- this ought to cheer you up--

I got a call this morning from Skip Geyser,

and he wants to see you at 9:45.

Today?

[CUP SHATTERS]

- Selma! - What was that?

Nothing, nothing.

What is so important about today?

Well, Lepridon is leaving for Indiana,

and he wants to meet you today.

You land this job and your troubles are over,

and listen, after it's over,

after you're through there, come on down to my office, okay?

Okay, I will.

All right.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Oh, Dad...

Aren't we saying "good morning?"

Morning, Dad.

I've got a 9:45 appointment.

- Lepridon? - Yeah.

What do you think?

Hannah, Lizzie, breakfast!

It's with Lepridon himself.

Oh!

He wouldn't be meeting with you

to tell you you didn't get the job.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who the hell is that?

Lizzie, answer the door, please.

What do you think?

I think it looks pretty good.

Daddy, it's for you.

I don't believe this.

♪ Mary Mack, Mack, Mack

♪ All dressed In black, black, black... ♪

Yes, Mr. Kramm?

Oh, excuse me, Wilson, but is this yours?

Why, yes, I believe it is, Mr. Kramm.

It was out in the middle of the road.

Could lead to an accident.

Thank you.

You want to be more careful.

Well, in the future, I will.

Thank you. Bye.

Oh, by the way, you know...

you know, your house needs painting.

I know that, Mr. Kramm, but I don't want to paint it.

Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly.

Now, I've got the name

of a nice inexpensive house painter, if you want.

I don't want.

Brooks, your breakfast is getting cold.

My breakfast is getting cold, Mr. Kramm.

I have to sit across the street and look at your house, Wilson.

I understand, Mr. Kramm.

I have the name of a nice inexpensive house mover.

You never shovel your snow in winter,

and you grow crab grass in summer.

I happen to like crab grass, Mr. Kramm.

I think it's pretty.

Then grow it in your house.

Grow it inside your house, Mr. Kramm.

- Now, look-- - I've got to catch the 8:10.

Thank you, thank you, Mr. Kramm.

You should be tarred and feathered--

Thank you, Mr. Kramm!

Feel better? Get it out of your system?

Selma, I don't like frozen orange juice.

Neither do I.

Me too.

Now, you see what you started?

Well, whatever happened to fresh oranges?

I think they died.

[LAUGHING]

Now what's the matter?

Can I have a comb for the eggs?

What about tweezers?

Ew!

Ew! Ew!

Tweezers, tweezers!

All right, that's enough.

That's enough. That's enough.

Shh.

Just eat your breakfast.

Mommy, Daddy's eating my cupcake.

Come on, here's one just for you.

No, I don't want that one. I want the one he ate.

Oh, shut up, Hannah.

We don't say "shut up" in our house.

Okay.

I've got to go.

What's the matter with Daddy?

He's just tired.

But he just got up.

Lizzie, eat your breakfast.

Hi, Nelly.

- What a coincidence. - Why?

Because I dreamed about you last night.

Well, you'll have to tell me about it sometime.

I could be in town later.

Let's have lunch.

Well, I'd love to, Nelly,

but I've got a very important business meeting.

All day?

Well, no, not all day, but...

I'm a lot of fun at lunch, Brooks.

I'll bet you are, Nelly.

Will's watching.

Bye, Nelly.

Hi, Will.

How are you?

I'm okay.

Looks like snow.

Yeah.

I was just saying to Nelly

how we haven't seen you in some time.

Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

Listen, I only got the word two hours ago.

I know. We tried to call you at home, but you'd already left.

2:30, huh?

Right. That's at the new Lepridon building.

Don't be late, please. Look, Brooks, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to foul up your whole day.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

MAN: Charles, open the door, please.

Charles, how many times do I have to tell you?

It's in, not out.

[JIGGLES HANDLE]

Charles, get the pliers, please.

Where are they, Edward?

On the desk.

Hey, who is that?

Brooks Wilson.

Brooks, how are you?

Hello, Edward. I don't see them.

Well, Brooks--

please keep looking for them, will you?

You know they changed the time for the Lepridon appointment?

Yeah. It went beautiful.

I made a luncheon date for you with Benny Sloane

over at the Illustrators Club.

He wants a cover from you.

I can't do that, Edward. I've already made plans.

Brooks, have you gone crazy?

I kill myself looking for jobs for you

because you tell me you're starving,

then when I find one, you won't pick it up.

Where are the pliers?

I'm looking for them, Edward.

You know, these small jobs are killing me, Edward.

I could earn more parking cars.

What about the Lepridon thing?

Is he in there? Yes, yes, yes.

Charles, will you open this damn door?

You should be glad for those small accounts.

Most of the guys on this street

are not even working.

Edward, I have been hanging on the Lepridon thing

for five months. Just answer me.

Do I have it or don't I?

Oh, it looks real good.

Well, what did Skip Geyser say?

Lepridon himself wants to meet you.

Well, I know that, Edward. I'm seeing him at 2:30.

Oh, by the way, fix this door.

Well, did you speak to Skip Geyser?

What's that in your hand?

This is rubber cement.

Another can of rubber cement, huh?

What's all that over there?

I don't know how much cement is left in those cans.

Oh, I see.

Well, tell you what you do.

You empty out all the rubber cement

that's left in these cans,

and you put them into one can,

and then you will have more room, see?

Yeah, but what if there's more cement in those cans

than fit in one can?

Then use two. I won't mind.

And fix the door?

Brooks...

Easy on that sauce, huh?

You've got a very important engagement today.

[♪♪♪]

[CLARINET PLAYING]

[PLAYING CONTINUES]

Yes?

Is Grace here?

No.

Do you know where she is?

I think she's working.

Anything I can do?

Uh...

No.

Are you a friend of Grace's?

Yes.

Well, I just have to get something.

I won't be a second.

[PLAYING CLARINET]

Find it?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I'll be going.

Any message?

Uh, no, tell her--

tell her I'll call her later.

Are you all right?

No, I'm fine.

Listen, I was up at the apartment.

Grace, who's the guy? Who's the Japanese guy?

I don't want to talk about it.

Grace...

Look, I don't want to sound cruel or anything,

but I just don't think it's any of your business,

and I'd appreciate it if you'd give me back my key.

Well, who is he?

Is he an old friend or your cousin,

because boy, he was really making himself at home.

Can I have my key now?

Well, I guess he wouldn't be your cousin

because the features are different.

I'm meeting with Lepridon today.

I think I'm going to get the account.

I really don't care.

What do you mean?

What's that supposed to mean? You don't care?

It said it all.

Well, what do you want me to do?

You mean you really don't know?

I'll tell her.

I just don't believe you anymore.

I'll tell her.

You mean you'll tell her

if you get the Lepridon account?

I'll tell her tonight.

So I said, "Not only can I do silkscreens,

but I use my wife's stockings."

Hi. How are you? How you doing?

Bo?

On Mr. Wolfman's tab again?

No, no, I'll pay for it.

I'm sorry, sir. Only members can buy drinks.

Bo, put it on my tab, will you?

Excuse me.

- Hi. - Hi, and thank you.

It's all right. I'm Tom Plommer.

- First time at the club? - Uh, no.

Oh, well, that's funny. I hardly ever forget a face.

We haven't met, have we?

Yeah.

Oh, boy. I really am getting old.

I know you're a friend of Willy Wulfman.

I saw you come in together.

Well, don't tell me I'm wrong about that too.

No, no, we came in together.

How are you? Hey, Willy.

Just talking about you.

Oh, nothing good, I hope.

You know Brooks Williams, obviously.

Of course I do.

- Wilson. Brooks Wilson. - Oh!

I really must be drunk. How do you like that? Williams?

What do you do, Williams? Wilson?

I'm an illustrator. He's an illustrator.

And a damn good talent, too.

Been in our business long?

Oh, long. As long as I have, right, Brooks?

Sure. Sure.

We graduated Pratt together.

- Oh. - Brooks here went free.

He had a free ride on the G.I. bill.

I had to work my way through, huh?

Oh, yeah. The old army days.

You know, I did a lot of illustrations in those days.

Inspirational stuff.

Boy, that really goes back.

A lot of water under the bridge.

- Well, listen-- - You know, I--

It was nice talking to you. I really got to be pushing on.

I thought you wanted to meet Benny?

- Right. - I'll call you, Brooks.

- We should get together. - So long.

WILLY: He's a good man with an airbrush.

Brooks, sorry we're late. I hope you haven't eaten yet.

No, no, I haven't.

Brooks, I guess you know Al. Al is president of the club.

And this is-- - Susan.

Right. Come on in. I'm starving. Let's eat.

Boy, was that traffic terrible today.

We all missed you. Frank came up to fill in,

and we finished the layout in about three hours.

I'm sorry I missed that. Bebe had one of her 24-hour things.

I asked Lester to call you. Did he?

Yeah, he did.

So the couple comes back from the little girl's funeral,

and they're standing, grief-stricken,

in the playroom, and then the husband

accidentally bumps into one of the kid's toys,

and the damn thing

starts playing the music box theme.

Naturally, both break up,

but we show it before they break up.

A crying woman looks like nothing.

She's negative, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I do. You got the galleys, Benny?

Brooks, it's your baby.

Do it your own way, your own style,

have fun with it,

only don't screw up the broad's face.

I left the galleys in the office.

Well, I'll send them over to Edwards.

All right.

Listen, everybody, I'm late. I gotta run.

Al, I'll call you.

AL: Right.

Nice meeting you, Susan.

Should I call you, Benny?

Yeah, give me a call, Willy.

What month were you born?

February 25th.

Pisces. I thought so.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Well, it must mean something.

What did you think of the new exhibit, Wilson?

Fairly nice stuff, huh?

Oh, Brooks loved it.

I was just telling them downstairs,

it's a good thing all those guys are dead.

Competition is tough enough as it is.

That's a terrible thing to say, Willy.

Can I join the party?

Oh, hi, Plommie.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

How come a show just about dead guys?

What?

The exhibition downstairs,

how come it's just a show of dead guys?

Well, we thought that-- all the old members

have left such a wealth of illustrations--

How about a show of just the guys

who committed suicide?

Was that a...

fun idea, Wilson?

Is it like a joke?

It's a serious idea.

There's Bert Maloney,

Pavlo Marx...

It's poor taste, Wilson.

Yes, it is.

Maybe he was just making a kind of joke

and it didn't come off. Yeah.

No, no joke.

I wouldn't joke about a thing like that.

Well, come on, Susan.

Willy, I have an engagement. I'll say so long. Buzz me.

Sure, Al.

Susan?

Come on, it's getting late.

All this booze... Let's get out of here.

For Christ's sake, Brooks, what did you have to do that for?

He's the president.

Willy, he's not the president.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

I'm terribly-- Terribly sorry.

Are you all right?

I think he's had too much to drink.

Don't bother! I'll do it.

Look, Brooks, I'll see you, huh?

Willy?

MAN: Uh-oh. Looks like a fight.

[MEN AND WOMEN CHATTERING]

Why don't you watch what you're doing?

I'm sorry.

Bo?

You want to put up a double vodka?

Sorry, sir, the board's for members only.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry.

[♪♪♪]

Brooks!

Where the hell have you been?

Now, look, I'm not going to stall you,

but I think you got it if they don't switch to photography.

- Photography? - Yeah, he's got a bug in his ear.

I've been trying to talk him out of it all day.

[JACKHAMMER]

Did you meet Lepridon when you went to Indiana?

No.

Well, how did you know to send that card?

What card?

The Christmas card with the fold-out angel.

Oh, that was... that was Selma.

We were a little plastered.

It did more for you than your samples.

Yes, but it was a joke.

Yeah, well, wait 'til you meet him.

You'll understand.

Frankly, I don't like drawings.

My daughter draws.

Photographs, on the other hand,

tell the whole story, and no mistakes.

For example, I know it's a small point,

but it happens to irritate me.

We sell heavy-duty trucks

to hard-headed, engineering-minded,

cost-conscious businessmen.

Why you fellas find it necessary

to put half-naked girls in our advertisements

is...it's beyond me.

Mr. Lepridon, we could take the girls out.

Look, I'll stay with him. I'll call you later.

I tell you, we built things

that people said couldn't be done,

except at financial loss,

so we went ahead and built them anyway.

Well, everything seems to be coming along just fine.

Of course, I really don't know

what the hell it is I'm looking at.

I guess you might say the only thing I know is trucks,

but I know I like that bridge out there,

that Brooklyn Bridge.

If they ever condemn that, why, I'm going to buy it.

Have it transported to Indiana by truck.

[LAUGHS]

Now, tell me when we can move in.

Skip here tells me that you went out

to our plant in Indiana at your own expense.

That's right, sir.

What did you think?

I was impressed, sir.

I was very impressed.

And how so?

I love trucks.

You know, I should think that an artist

would find trucks, uh... pedestrian.

Well, that may be true for most artists, sir,

but I was a trucker long before I was an artist.

You know, you...

you don't look exactly like an artist.

Artists are sort of... effeminate, you know?

So you drove a truck.

Well, I...I grew up with--with trucks.

I have a very strong feeling for trucks.

What did you drive?

Well, I drove the old Flintstone Two

from...Galveston to...to Key West.

Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

By the way, I--

I want to thank you and Mrs. Wilson

for your outstanding Christmas card

to Mrs. Lepridon and myself.

Too few people these days seem to remember

that Christmas is a... religious holiday.

Thank you, sir.

I'll take this. I'll call you later.

Galveston to Key West.

- You blinked. - Did not.

Liar.

[GARBAGE CANS CRASHING]

Mommy, Daddy's home.

- This time you blinked. - Did not.

Cheater.

Are you all right?

- What? - Are you all right?

Perfect.

I just don't understand all this drinking

every time you're in the city.

Give me a gun. I'll kill myself.

You'll kill yourself all right, with my car.

- It's my car. - My car. Look at the registration.

Did you ever hear of the right of evident domain?

Ever hear of Alcoholics Anonymous?

Hello, everybody.

[CAT YOWLING]

Mommy, Daddy stepped on Baby Lionel's tail!

It was an accident. It was not.

He didn't mean to. He did too!

Don't apologize for me.

I did mean to step on Baby Lionel's tail!

See? You hate Baby Lionel!

Poor cat.

Come on.

Well...

are you going to tell me

what happened with Lepridon today?

It went okay.

Do you have it?

I don't know.

You still don't know.

Edwards says I got it.

Well, that's wonderful.

99%.

I think I'll throw up.

Don't work tonight.

Come on.

Take a hot bath, and let's go to bed.

Sel, I've got to finish looking through this stuff.

Suit yourself.

Hey, is there anything to eat?

[DOOR SLAMMING]

What's the matter?

Never mind. You wouldn't understand.

- Well, try me. - Forget it. It's nothing.

I don't want to forget it. Let's get it out in the open.

Look, I know you're worried about that truck account.

Well, so am I. - You're worried?

Who the hell in his right mind wants to spend

the rest of his life drawing trucks?

I'm sick of Lepridon.

I don't even want the damn account!

Now, will you get off my back?

[♪♪♪]

You live around here?

Not too far.

Married?

Not anymore.

Must get kind of dull.

Gives me plenty of time to work.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I've got it. I've got it.

Hello?

Hi, Shelley. Just a second.

Hi, Shell. Can you come over?

Oh, come on. Ask her.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Would you take it upstairs, please?

Okay.

She'll just be a second, Shelley.

You do a lot of modeling?

No.

What do you do?

I'm writing a novel.

Oh, a novel...

A novel, eh?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Would somebody get that, please?

SELMA: Hannah!

Why, good morning, and what's your name?

Hannah.

Hello, Charles, what are you doing here?

Oh, Brooks. Listen, I'm sorry to bother you,

especially on a Saturday,

but Edward has some corrections for you,

and he needs them by Monday.

Ann, take five.

Yeah, for instance, this first one,

he wants you to remove all the eyebrows

from the Indians.

Why?

- Indians don't have eyebrows. -Who says so?

McDermott.

He says Indians don't have eyebrows.

Oh, this one... it's sunset, see,

so we want the sky to be red,

but don't have it conflict with the fire.

Yeah, and this one...

the bear isn't menacing enough,

and we think it's because

he's not looking directly at the man,

so if you could do something with his eyes,

you know what I mean?

[BUZZER SOUNDING]

Oh, yeah, everybody agrees,

the guy in the middle, his wrists are too thin.

Selma!

Men have thick wrists.

Forgive me.

[BUZZING]

Selma!

Sorry.

Like a circus.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Brooks, please?

Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

Can't we have a nice neighborly talk?

Wilson, you must learn

to love...

Okay, Ann, let's go.

Brooks, there are still

just a couple of little changes

I want to tell you about in this one.

No.

- No what? - I'm not going to do it.

You're not going to do what?

The changes.

- None of them? - Unh-unh.

Don't you want to get paid for this stuff?

Charles, I don't need the money.

Well, what will I tell Edward?

Tell him to call me when he hears from Lepridon,

yes or no.

Charles...

[♪♪♪]

Can't catch me, Hannah!

Come on, then. You can't catch me.

No, I'm going to get you.

No, no!

Yes, I am, Hannah.

I'm going to get you.

Yes, I am.

Boy!

Boy!

What's the matter, Mom?

Oh. Come on.

This one's prettier.

Get the blue, get the blue.

All right, girls.

The blue's prettier.

Come on, get the black one.

All right, girls. Outside.

Brooks, which one do you like?

The black.

- The black? - Mm-hmm.

Well, this is a pretty shade of blue.

Well, try it on.

- The blue? - The blue.

Okay.

[CHILDREN GIGGLING]

♪ My sister is a ballerina ♪

♪ Yummy yum, P-yew. Bang bang, you're dead ♪

♪ My mother is a baker Yummy yum ♪

♪ My father is a garbage man Yummy yum, P-yew. ♪

♪ My brother is a cowboy

♪ Yummy yum, P-yew.

Brooks?

Brooks!

Do you like it?

Yeah, it's nice.

I won't be wearing the boots.

My hair will be fixed.

What do you think?

I like it. It's fine. Just fine.

Shall I buy it?

Yes, buy it.

- Hey there, Selma, Brooks!

- Hi. - Hello, Marve.

What are you trying to do, buy out the whole town?

Something like that, yes, Marve.

You remember my niece?

Oh, of course I do, Diane.

How are you, Grace?

Fine, Selma, how are you?

Brooks. Hi.

I don't think you ever met our children.

The tall one is Lizzie,

and the smaller one is Hannah.

Hi!

Are you still working at the museum?

No, as a matter of fact, my last day was yesterday.

She's decided to go to Europe,

the lucky thing.

Oh, how exciting!

Holiday?

No, a kind of an extended stay.

I wish I'd had money to do that sort of thing

when I was young and unattached.

People are always using money as an excuse not to do things.

Now, we've got to rush.

I swear this is the last party

I'm ever going to throw.

You know, you say that every year, Diane.

Why don't the two of you come out early

so we'll have a chance to talk?

You bet, Marve. Nice seeing you.

Bye-bye. So long.

She's a lovely girl.

Hello, Mrs. Wilson.

This is my husband, Mr. Wilson.

How do you do?

Glad to meet you.

I'm afraid the house is rather untidy.

Oh, we don't mind.

We'll start in here.

Mrs. Shavelson, is it all right if we see the upstairs first?

Oh, certainly. Come along.

Your studio.

I figured.

What do you think?

It's very nice.

This is Mr. and Mrs. Wilson.

They're looking at the house.

This is my husband.

- SELMA: Hello. - BROOKS: Hi.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Don't you want this?

No.

Well, it belongs to you.

You can have it.

Please take it.

[DOOR CLOSES]

We used this as a family room.

It's really kind of a catch-all room.

The light's very good. It's a north light.

My children always liked this room,

especially in the rain.

I find even when it's cloudy and gloomy

that the light here is perfectly beautiful.

Well, you'll find...

it's a friendly sort of a house.

I think you'd enjoy living here.

Well, I'll show you the rest of it.

[♪♪♪]

Sorry I brought you here, Brooks.

Aw, come on, Sel, how were you to know?

Well, I did know.

I knew they were getting a divorce.

The realtor said we could get a great buy.

I just wanted you to see the house

before anybody else.

Sel, Sel... it's a great house.

[DOG BARKING]

[CHILDREN GIGGLING]

Come on, everybody in back. Come on.

Oh!

♪ Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack

♪ All dressed in black Black, black ♪

♪ With silver buttons, Buttons, buttons ♪

[GIGGLING]

Oh, I forgot my algebra book.

Thanks.

LIZZIE: Come on, I've got some new records!

Did you get Mary Ann?

Yeah, can't you hear her?

- The realtor called. - Who?

The man handling the house we saw this afternoon.

You know, he said with the equity on this house,

we could move in without any problem.

Sel, how come all teenage girls are sex maniacs?

[LAUGHING]

There's only one sex maniac around here.

Oh yeah?

Then how come a little kid like Mary Ann

is just aching for me,

a guy twice her age?

Three times her age.

She doesn't know you're alive.

Do you know what she called me in the car?

Grandpa.

"Mr. Wilson." Oh.

Twice she called me "Mr. Wilson."

Oh, she's obsessed, all right.

Practically begging me

to take her to the gates of ecstasy.

Oh.

Hmm. Mr. Wilson? Mm-hmm?

Take me to the gates of ecstasy, will you?

Mary Ann doesn't want it.

I certainly could use it.

Very funny.

Brooks, do you think it's a good investment?

- What? - The house.

Sel, I don't even know

if we can afford this month's gas bill.

Oh, I mean if you get the Lepridon account.

What do you think?

I think it's a trap.

A big, beautiful 30-year trap.

SEL: But our house is a smaller trap,

is that what you're saying?

BROOKS: Oh, come on, Sel...

And I'm a trap and the kids are traps? Is that what you meant?

All right, all right, let's cut it off right now.

Brooks, I don't want to be thought of as a trap.

Can you understand that?

I mean, if you're so damned unhappy,

why don't you just pack up and leave?

I'm not stopping you.

Who in the hell do you think you are anyway?

Look, I don't know how we got into this,

but let's pick it up after the party, okay?

Yes, let's do that.

[♪♪♪]

I'd like to see it.

Hi. Nice to see you.

Hi. I haven't seen you in a long, long time.

It's been a while. You're looking good.

Come on, Selma. We've got 40 rooms to go.

Oh, my. We'll see you later.

Goodbye.

Well, that's just a print I mean--

Hello, Grace.

Hi. Hi.

Hello, Will.

Hi.

Nice place.

Yeah.

Hey, who's that?

Hi, Pisces, how are you?

Hello. How are you? Brooksy, how are you?

Good. This is, uh, Will.

Hey, welcome, welcome to my house.

- Very beautiful. - Well, thanks. Thanks a lot.

Will. Will Parse. This is Will Parse.

You know each other?

- Yes, we had a lunch. - We met each other.

Come over here.

I want to show you something.

Sit down there. That's the idea.

Now, just wait 'til you see this little thing.

Listen, you know...

you know what this thing is?

Just watch those books, now, huh?

Here we go.

Hey, that's terrific.

Isn't that thing marvelous? Isn't that wonderful?

Here, now wait a minute. Look, look. Watch.

There. Now, isn't that a beautiful picture?

It automatically fine-tunes itself.

Oh, look at that color.

It's an electronic color.

Oh, it's like a real painting.

But the thing I really wanted to show you,

watch, watch.

Hey, Brooksy.

Brooksy, who is that, huh?

That's Margaret O'Brien.

No, that's not Margaret O'Brien.

It's my daughter, Jody.

She's upstairs in the bedroom reading.

It looks like Margaret O'Brien.

Isn't that terrific, that thing?

It's an amazing safety device, this thing.

Now I can watch my daughter

when she's upstairs in the bedroom

or if she's down in the swimming pool,

or if she's outside in the playhouse,

or if she's downstairs in the rumpus room.

Now, isn't that an amazing safety device?

It's really terrific, I think.

Wait a minute.

Brooks, why aren't you eating? There's tons of food.

I will.

- Don't I know you? - No.

Oh.

Oh, come on.

Hey, Grace! Unlock the door.

What?

Come on, Grace.

What?

What do you want?

Nothing.

[♪♪♪]

Hello, Edward. Brooks Wilson.

Brooks, I've been trying to get a hold of you.

What the hell did you do at the Illustrators' Club?

Nothing. Nothing, Edward,

and I already heard what I'm supposed to have done.

Well, you've got to watch

what you do and what you say.

I can get hurt by things like that.

All right, I'll watch it.

Listen, Edward...

- Edward? - Yeah?

Edward, what about the Lepridon account?

What about it?

What do you mean, what about it? Do I have it or don't I?

Well, don't get so excited. You got it.

What?

I've got the papers right in my pocket. Didn't I tell you?

I got it?

It's a magnificent deal. You got top money.

Say, Skip Geyser said you saved the whole account

from switching to photography

with that truck driver shtick.

That was great, you know what I mean, Brooks?

Brooks?

Okay, Edward. Okay. Goodbye.

Have they made a decision?

No.

Brooks?

The hell with the account. Okay?

The hell with the new house,

The hell with everything.

Let's go home.

Hey, Sel... Sel, we just got here.

Come on, come on. Let's go downstairs.

[♪♪♪]

- Hello, Ruth. - Hi, how are you?

Nice to see you.

I'm just going to get a drink.

Oh, go right ahead.

Take your hands and put them like this.

Put them together.

I'm going to suggest that you cannot part your hands.

Excuse me. Grace, there's a telephone call for you.

Thanks.

I left it off the hook.

All right. I'll be right back.

Listen, in a couple of days,

I'll know for sure.

I'll be gone in a couple of days.

Don't go. Don't go.

I love you.

Come on, come on.

Brooks, Brooks.

I've got to know tonight.

Grace! Grace, wait!

[♪♪♪]

She's stoned out of her silly mind.

Any fool can see that.

[GLASSES BREAKING]

Give over, girl.

Danny, you brought her, now take her home.

I'm not leaving the party.

All right, then take her upstairs.

That's a very good idea.

Come on, my sweetheart, and up we go.

There's a bedroom right at the top.

Oh, thank you. Come on.

...like Van Gogh.

Van "Guck?"

Van "Gock."

It's a guttural "G" sound.

Much more guttural. No, no, no...

It's as if you've got a piece of hair

stuck in the back of your throat.

As though you're gargling.

With a guttural G.

You know Vermeer, the Flemish guy?

He is buying...

- He's Dutch. - What?

Vermeer. He's Dutch.

Yeah, that's right.

Did he ever paint anything large?

No, he mostly painted small.

He was a realistic painter, just like hundreds of others.

Of course, his technique was fine,

but take Huls or Terbruggen.

They were more concerned

with vital issues of their times.

You don't know what you're talking about.

What's that?

You don't know what you're talking about.

At least we're sober.

I doubt if it would make any difference

in the contexts... of this exchange.

I think you'd better apologize to the lady.

What lady?

Better watch your mouth, buster.

You'd better watch your mouth, buster.

Let's go outside.

Come on, Dick.

Come on, take it easy.

Take it easy, take it easy.

Come on, come on, this is a party.

You're supposed to be having a good time.

Brooksy, what the hell is the matter?

Nothing.

We were just having a little conversation, Marve.

We were talking about art, art history.

It's one of my favorite topics.

You know, you're bombed out of your mind.

You bet.

On the edge, Marve.

Hello.

You know, you should have let him have it, Brooks.

I should have, huh?

You should have given him a right.

I was just waiting for him to take the next step.

Of course you were.

My right... right arm was...

Hey, Nell?

Mm-hmm?

Let's have lunch.

Now?

Why not?

You little devil.

Come on.

Do you realize that nobody is eating?

We're going to be eating that garbage

for two weeks.

Listen, we can have

a nice little brunch tomorrow.

I'm going to have to start passing out doggie bags.

Listen, darling,

why don't you liven things up?

Things aren't live enough?

This is why you don't need the strength in driving

that a man has...

[♪♪♪]

Nelly, you're crazy.

Oh, Brooks, you're spoiling everything.

I am not. You don't need a drink.

I do. I'll get it myself.

Wait. All right, all right. I'll get it, I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Just get in the car. All right, all right.

I'll wait.

Give me my pants, will you? Nelly!

Hey! Hey, Nelly?

Nelly, I can't go up there without my pants.

Brooks, you're so middle class.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

[WHISTLING]

Yay, Brooks!

Shh...

[♪♪♪]

Whew!

Nelly!

- Over here. - Where are my pants?

I've got 'em.

Oh!

Got your drink.

Well, you passed the knighthood test, Brooksy.

Hey, can I have my pants, please?

What for?

It's cold.

It's warm in here.

You're right, it's warm in here.

Besides,

I locked your pants in the trunk of my car.

And you've hidden the key.

You guessed it, Charlie.

Mm-mm.

With new improved Snowdrift,

you can bake higher, lighter cakes.

New, improved--

Each year, as a new class of tomato

steps out to face the world,

Hunt's catsup asks the question,

"How many are ready for the big tomato taste?"

We choose carefully.

All right, calm down, calm down.

[♪♪♪]

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

An oldie, but a goodie.

Um, "Mary Had A Little Lamb."

Ho, ho, ho!

No?

"Three Blind Mice."

Oh, that's one of my all-time favorites.

Mm-hmm.

And that's "Humpty Dumpty."

There's "Little Jack Horner."

Do you know that one?

Mm, do I.

♪ Four and 20 blackbirds

♪ Baked in a pie

♪ When the pie was over

♪ The birds began to sing

♪ Wasn't that a tasty dish To set before the king? ♪

♪ The king was in The counting house ♪

♪ Counting out His money ♪

♪ The queen was In the parlor ♪

♪ Eating bread And honey ♪

♪ The maid was In the garden ♪

♪ Hanging out The clothes ♪

♪ Along came a blackbird And bit her on the nose ♪

[BIRD SQUAWKING]

♪ Did you ever see a lassie

♪ A lassie, a lassie

♪ Did you ever see a lassie ♪

♪ Go this way and that?

♪ Go this way and that way Go this way and that way ♪

♪ Did you ever see a lassie Go this way and that? ♪

♪ Did you ever See a laddie ♪

♪ A laddie A laddie ♪

♪ Did you ever See a laddie ♪

♪ Go this way And that? ♪

♪ Go this way and...

Hey, Grace?

Why don't you come back and polka with us?

♪ Oh, the grand old Duke of York ♪

♪ He had 10,000 men

♪ He marched them up to the top of the hill ♪

♪ And he marched them down again ♪

Roger, what are you looking at?

I don't know.

♪ And when they were Only halfway up ♪

♪ They were neither Up nor down ♪

[LAUGHING]

What on earth are they doing?

What do you think they're doing, my dear?

Pussy Cat's licking her whiskers.

What did you eat, Pussy Cat?

You ate the dumpling?

Good for you.

Meow!

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪

♪ Oh me, oh my Please tell me why ♪

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪

♪ Oh me, oh my Please tell me why ♪

♪ The pussy cat Ate the dumpling ♪♪

Listen to the bell.

Ding dong bell, Pussy's in the well,

but don't worry, she'll get out all right.

♪ Ding dong bell Pussy's in the well ♪

♪ Who put her in?

♪ Little Johnny Green

♪ Who pulled her out?

♪ Big John Stout

Oh, you're dirty!

♪ What a naughty boy was that

♪ To tease A little pussy cat ♪♪

Oh, this is fun! Go on, you try now.

♪ All around the mulberry bush

♪ The monkey chased the weasel

♪ The monkey thought 'Twas all in fun ♪

♪ "Pop" goes the weasel

♪ A penny for a spool of thread ♪

Hey, that's Brooks Wilson.

It is Brooks.

That's Brooksy!

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, Roger...

♪ Pop

[LAUGHING]

Will!

Get away!

[COUGHING]

Will, stop! Will, stop!

Will, stop it!

What are you doing?

Get on your feet...

you dirty bastard!

Get up.

Get up!

Get up and fight!

Get up, you bastard!

Get up!

On your feet!

Get out of here! Will!

Stay out of my way.

Stop!

You go away!

Get out of here!

Will!

Get up and fight!

Will!

Come on!

Will, come on.

Take it easy, will you?

Brooks, are you all right?

Fine, I'm fine.

Will, come on. Let's go in.

I don't want to go.

Will...

I don't want to go.

Oh, come on, folks.

That was beautiful.

You give a party, baby.

What's next?

Come on, everybody, it's cold out here.

I'm fine, Marve. I'm fine.

Everybody inside. Now, come on.

Go on in. Go on in.

I know you're all hungry. Come on.

Now you're all going to get pneumonia and sue us.

Come on, come on. Everybody in, come on.

There's lots of goodies to eat.

Keep the party going on, please.

Brad, go ahead, go ahead.

Everybody... Come on. That's it.

[DOOR CLOSING]

[ENGINE STARTING]

Sel!

Sel?

Sel!

Sel, it's a party.

By Monday it'll be all blown over.

Sel? Sel, I got the Lepridon account.

Sel, for Christ's sake!

[CRYING]

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