Original subtitles

[Crash imitating monkey]

Careful, Crash. That looks dangerous.

No, it's not! [grunts]

Pesto, you saved my life.

Now you owe me.

[chuckles]

[high-pitched scream]

Yay! Girl screaming contest.

[high-pitched scream]

Something just grabbed me.

Sure it did.

Wah, wah, wah, you big baby.

[screams]

Look. Someone threw out a perfectly good messed up mannequin.

Where's Crash?

He's gotta be close.

His skin is still warm.

[Crash] Um, could someone toss me my...

Thank you.

Ahh.

Much better.

My butt's always been in the front, right?

[grunts]

What's with the lady parts?

Oh, I'm gonna turn it into a zombie witch

and bring it to school for Halloween fright week.

If you make it scary enough, you might get into the Nightmare Society.

That's a top secret underground group of people

who've pulled off epic scares on Halloween.

Come on!

If there was a top secret underground group,

wouldn't I know about it?

It's just a legend.

It probably doesn't even exist.

Do you really think I could get in?

Why not?

It's the Nightmare Society, not the Honor Society.

Ha!

Pesto just called you dumb.

I got that, Crash.

You think you did, but you probably didn't,

'cause you're dumb.

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

-♪ And face slams ♪ -♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

Okay. Next person to use that drinking fountain

is gonna get a face full of "zitch."

That's short for "zombie witch."

Oh.

It sounds like a pimple that itches.

I hate those.

Can I go first? I'm a mother.

[screams]

Sorry, Miss Phlerger.

That was supposed to scare a kid.

It shouldn't be scaring anyone.

That activity has been banned

by the Pauling Organization of Parents.

You realize that spells "poop"?

I'm aware of that.

It also spells "poop" backwards.

They didn't consult me before printing the folders.

So we can't scare each other on Halloween?

Sure you can.

As long as you give ample warning.

Such as "I'll scare you in 3, 2, 1"

and then a "boo" or other moderate scare word.

So I can say "boo"?

Boo!

That's a horrible idea.

I'm taking that.

Who made you the queen of Halloween?

I'm not. I'm the queen of poop.

We really should change that name.

-[keyboard clicking] -[Crash] Hey, Cleo?

[sighs]

I need to get something off my chest.

Nice costume, Crash.

What costume?

I just broke up a fight between a lumberjack and a tree.

Whatcha doing?

I'm going with Wyatt to the parents meeting.

They're trying to ruin Halloween.

I have products to sell,

and a lot of money riding on the tears of frightened children.

You're scary.

Oh, I'm nothing compared to Amanda.

You should see her around Halloween.

[laughs] Our Amanda?

She couldn't scare a mouse at a cheese convention!

Wouldn't a mouse love a cheese convention?

Never mind.

[scoffs] Girls don't get jokes.

Whatever.

You might not believe me, but Amanda's a master of disguise.

What guys? This guys?

[horror music]

Aah! Wrong locker!

Someone's gonna need a new pair of vampire pants.

Her victims are the inspiration for my biggest seller:

Backup Halloween pants.

[scoffs] I still don't believe it.

-Oh, you will. -Hmm?

-Aah! -[screams]

[gasping]

[laughs]

[gasping]

I am so good at this.

Crash was so scared.

Was not.

I haven't seen anyone that scared

since Mom taught me how to drive.

I wasn't scared.

Hey, Cleo,

about those backup pants.

Do you have something in a boys' extra tiny?

My point is scaring kids is big business.

And if we don't do it, who will?

Do you really wanna outsource our fear industry, Mrs. Phlerger?

I find you very confusing.

Let me turn on the charm.

Gretchen--

May I call you Gretchen?

I'd prefer Mrs. Phlerger.

What a lovely name.

I once had a cat named Mrs. Phlerger.

Moving on.

Halloween is the most American of holidays.

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said,

"Trick or treat, smell my feet.

Give me something good to eat."

This meeting is for parents.

Students need permission to speak.

-May I speak? -No.

May I speak?

'Cause I got a bug up my butt and homie needs to fly.

When I was a kid, Halloween was the greatest night of my life.

One year, I dressed up as Dracunstein.

Half Dracula, half Jeff Blankentsein,

my viola teacher.

We're not doing costumes this year.

What?

We can't even wear costumes?

[chuckles] That's strange.

I thought I heard a student,

and I don't remember giving permission.

[Crash] Excuse me. Excuse me.

My name is Mrs. Pesto's mother,

And I am a concerned parent.

Oh, my apologies.

It seems my son left the house with schmutz on his face.

[spits]

Now hold still. You are embarrassing me.

Now why do you wanna go and change Halloween?

This kind of scaring is fun.

Not like the actual scary things children deal with in real life.

Is Crash making sense?

And defying gravity.

How does he not topple forward?

A good scare can turn a child

into a quivering glob of jelly

who has to sleep with his mommy every night.

But enough about my Pesto.

She's not my real mother.

I've heard enough.

All in favor of a scare-free, costume-free Halloween?

Oh, come on! You're kidding me.

You might as well take away candy too!

Crash, no!

That's a brilliant idea.

We'll replace sweets with vegetables.

[gasps] We can call it "Health-o-ween."

Boo!

You can't just give kids vegetables.

Why not?

Hey, I'm Mr. Pesto's father,

and I'm here to tell you that vegetables give my son gas.

Only cauliflower.

Happy Health-o-ween.

Have some carrots.

Do you believe that?

I know. Free carrots.

You have no right.

I bought those Butterscotch melties with my own money!

Where does she get off?

Just wish I weren't so darned attracted to the angry ones.

It doesn't look like you're gonna make it into the Nightmare Society.

Nightmare Society? Where'd you hear that nonsense?

I know. It's just a legend.

I just wish Halloween was back the way it was

before Mrs. Phlerger phlerged it all up.

I hear you, brother.

Your family appreciates Halloween.

Heck, your sister's one of the best scarers I'd ever seen.

[screams]

I hope you brought a pair of backup pants.

Oh, rats.

She scared the sports drink right out of me.

[panting] I saw Mrs. Phlerger hide the candy.

Take me there. Can you throw this out?

I'm still a little nervous around trash cans.

Let's go.

Every time I hear a story about Amanda,

I love her even more. Don't you?

-No. -Oh, right, sorry.

Sometimes I forget she's your sister

'cause you're dumpy and she's so hot.

Wow. Why don't you tell me how you really feel?

Okay. I wanna kiss your sister, and you make me want to throw up.

[chuckles]

[both scream]

Come on. Help me jimmy the poop locker.

There's a poop locker?

Here I've been wasting hours a day on that dumb toilet.

[laughs] We're billionaires!

I'll go tell the kids.

I'm finally gonna be the cool teacher.

Take that, Mr. Langevine.

[laughs]

All right. Feast your eyes on this.

Where'd the...?

The candy was right here.

Crash was guarding it.

Wait a minute, you left Crash in charge of candy?

Why couldn't Mr. Langevine have found it?

[grunts] Does anyone have an after candy mint?

You ate all the candy?

No.

Wait, I mean yes.

You guys aren't mad, are you?

[Crash panting] Running is hard.

Oh, no!

You missed me. [laughing]

Uh-oh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Crash is not a piñata. Leave him alone.

Thanks, Bernstein. They're after my taffy.

You have taffy?

Piñata!

[Crash] Piñata!

-[kids cheering] -I'm Halloween.

[chuckles]

Don't tell the other kids, but I still have Nougat in my underpants.

-Are you eating candy? -Hmm-mm.

Shame on you. You're a teacher.

Drop it. Drop it.

Drop it. Drop--drop it.

Drop it.

Ooh.

I found Phlerger's folder on the floor.

What?

I found Phlerger's folder on the floor.

-Now 10 times fast. -I found--

Oh, Bernstein.

For a dumb guy you sure are crafty.

Give me that.

She wants to take Health-o-ween national.

It's not just our lives she wants to ruin,

-it's every kid in America. -[Crash] Whoa.

I'm hanging onto this.

-[yelps] -[horror music]

[Crash's voice] "We have been watching you.

Meet us at your hangout tonight at 7:30.

Signed, the Nightmare Society."

[maniacal laughter]

Crash.

What did I tell you about reading over my shoulder?

Sorry.

[spooky music]

Hello?

Is anyone here?

[howling]

Crash, get down here.

[grunts]

Where is everybody?

I don't know.

I was really hoping the Nightmare Society was real.

-Yeah. -[clanging]

Who are you?

-I have pepper spray. -You do?

No, it's just peppermint breath spray.

Let me try some.

-Ugh! -You okay?

I'm fine. I feel nothing.

Oh, my eyes!

Oh!

Oh, it burns!

[shouts] It burns, it burns!

Oh! Oh, the horror!

Oh, oh, oh!

It's like a volcano made a baby with a chili pepper in my eyes!

[screaming]

Okay, I'm fine.

[man's distorted voice] Silence!

We are the Nightmare Society.

We are a secret organization,

and we shall remain anonymous.

Coach Urkhart?

Dang it. That was my scary voice.

Oh, well. Let me introduce the crew.

Pete Rutman.

He made the school hallways flow blood red

with tomato soup.

[gasps] I am humbled.

And hungry.

Andy Damonte.

His hologram vampire

chased the girls' cross country team

two miles into Klamath Lake.

Gives me the chills just thinking about it.

Running two miles.

And of course, you know Abe Lincoln.

How is Abe Lincoln a Halloween legend?

It's my costume.

Oh, she is good.

So Amanda's good with costumes,

he does the soup thing,

Andy's the hologram guy,

how'd you get in?

People say I'm naturally creepy.

Oh, yeah.

So why am I here?

I scared like one person

before Mrs. Phlerger ruined everything.

You're the chosen one. You have to save Halloween.

Wait, why am I the chosen one?

[sighs] That's what I said.

But I got outvoted.

If you can stop Mrs. Phlerger from ruining Halloween,

you'll be entered into the book.

That is so cool!

[light buzzes]

Dang it, Andy. I told you to check the batteries.

Good luck, Wyatt.

[Amanda's voice] We'll be watching.

Well, I finally get what Pesto sees in your sister.

From the back, she's kind of pretty.

[humming]

[gasps] Free candy?

It says "candy free."

Yes, candy free for me.

Ahh, ahh.

In a school full of annoying children,

you are the most annoying.

[deep breath] I'm number one!

Candy free for me? Ahh, ahh.

Ohh.

All week, we've been dying to scare people,

but Phlerger wouldn't let us.

So now we're gonna scare her so bad

that she gives up on this stupid health-o-ween idea.

Except for the carrots, right?

If this works, I'll buy you some carrots.

And hummus? I need a dipping sauce.

Look, Pesto,

you distract Mrs. Phlerger by asking her what time it is.

Okay, got it.

You need me to write it down on your hand?

-No, I said I got it. -Okay.

Crash, do the thing with your head.

[chuckles]

Na-na!

Epic.

-But I meant the other thing. -Oh.

[cloth tearing]

Let's do this.

Now all we have to do is paint you with glow in the dark paint.

Run, legs, run!

-Mrs. Phlerger, can I ask you a question? -What is it, Pesto?

Shoot.

That's a very lovely dress.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

Oh... Okay.

"That's a very lovely dress"? Who says that?

I forgot my line.

Halloween's supposed to be creepy, Pesto,

not super creepy.

Mrs. Phlerger, there's a candy bar in the vending machine.

If you have change for a dollar, I can get it out of there

and see that it's destroyed.

You are a health-o-ween hero.

I'm a head.

[screams]

Whoo!

Phlerger's coming.

Okay, Crash is all painted.

-Where's his head? -I don't know.

Hey, you.

Not you.

You! The other guy.

With the bad haircut.

Yeah, you.

Nice haircut.

[chuckles]

But-but-but-but- but-but-but-but!

[muffled crying]

Compose.

Center.

Find Gretchen.

There you are. Hi, Gretchen.

[mouths words]

[screams] What the...?

Okay, this is not funny!

And I know not funny.

[kids moaning] Mrs. Phlerger.

If you think you're scaring me, you are not!

-[moaning continues] -[spooky music]

Leave Halloween alone.

And hands off other people's butterscotch.

[screams]

[screams]

[both scream]

[screams]

Whoa.

[scratchy] You...

My voice.

I'm losing it from all this screaming.

I'll get you, all of you,

and your little doll too!

[screaming]

-Whoa. -[shrieks]

[screams]

Witch!

[kids chanting] Witch, witch, witch, witch!

That's it!

I'm finished with you, monsters!

I quit!

What is this thing still doing up?

I told you to take it down.

[shouts]

Well, Wyatt, you did it. Welcome to the Nightmare Society.

That's my picture. I'm in!

You saved Halloween.

By the way, dues are eight dollars.

If you can get that to me by lunch, I'd appreciate it.

I'm not a piñata!

Hey, Bernstein.

Way to save Halloween.

Face slam!

Uh, no, thanks.

[groans]

-[doorbell rings] -Doorbell.

Ugh, I have to do everything around here.

[grunts]

[kids] Trick or treat.

Wow! Awesome dinosaur.

Ooh! Scary alien.

Doctor.

Bye.

-Thank you. -Bye.

Oh. Hi, Amanda.

-Hey, Crash. -[yelps]

But--but you're--

And you're--

[screams]

Cleo, what did I tell you about borrowing my costume?

[Cleo's voice] But it's Halloween... [whispering] By Cleo.

♪ Crash and Bern , hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪