Original subtitles

[grunts]

Hey, Crash.

Bernstein! Just in time!

Now that I have a new nose,

we can both enjoy my world famous smell-smoothie.

I'm gonna put the ingredients in the blender. Ah!

That's the garbage disposal.

-[grunts] -[guitar riff plays]

Whoa. Guess that was the wrong switch.

Yeah, but your nose looks great in that light.

It's so big and...

shiny and...

big.

I'm telling you, Bernstein,

this nose has changed my life.

I had no idea how much my mouth would appreciate the shade.

And the best part of all about my new nose,

this baby packs a mean snot rocket.

No!

Is that all you got, nose face?

I got more.

I'm going double barrel.

Fire in the hole!

[strains]

It went down the drain.

Okay, don't panic.

Let me turn the light on so I can find it.

-[disposal whirring] -[gasps]

-[whirring stops] -[grunting]

That was close.

I almost ruined it.

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

-♪ And face slams ♪ -♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

Guys.

Guys, I finally got it.

We know, Pesto.

We've all seen your armpit hair.

No. No.

Bloody Butcher 2 , the video game.

And I'll have you know, there's a hair on each side now.

I wanna pick my Bloody Butcher character.

I'm thinking... Victor von Meatloaf.

I'm thinking Bernstein von...

-...first game. -What?

-Let the butchering begin. -Yeah.

Ugh!

[giggling]

Ugh! What guy wants to come home

to an apartment full of pretty high school girls?

[groans]

Amanda, get out. I told you, we're playing video games.

Not in here, you're not.

Zoe's showing us her new modeling shots.

You have to get shots to be a model?

I'm talking about photos.

And once I get mine, I'll be a model too.

[whispers] You don't have to get shots, do you?

Amanda, I think it's great you're chasing your dreams.

There's a dream I've been chasing for years.

Let me catch you.

I don't wanna hang out in this girl-atorium anyway.

Unless you have nachos.

Do you have nachos? Huh?

That's what I thought!

I'll go check the bedroom.

[dance music playing]

[gasps] More girls!

Crash, get out!

This is a private event hosted by...

[breathy] Cleo party division.

[mutters]

They've taken over the bedroom too!

[panting]

Get out, Crash. We're playing seek and hide.

You mean hide and seek?

I play it by my own rules.

[gasps]

[gasps]

Oh, no! They're multiplying!

[screams]

We're too late.

They're everywhere!

Get out of here.

How are we supposed to become models

when there's a bunch of guys standing around gawking at us?

Gawking? More like gagging.

[chuckles]

Dude, you're drooling.

Fine. We'll leave,

but let's see you girls try to survive withoutthis.

Yeah, or...

This.

We're taking this man show on the road.

[chuckles]

Stupid sisters and their stupid... faces.

We need a new place to hang out.

There's a break room in my nana's assisted living facility.

They have pudding.

[British accent] Well, I must say

the way those young ladies behaved back there

was downright barbaric.

What's with the new nose?

[normal voice] I have a bunch of them.

I feel like less of a man without a nose.

But carrying a jewelry case makes you feel like more of a man?

It's not a jewelry case.

It's a nose purse.

-Let me try on one. -Hey.

Not that nose.

It's where I keep my jelly.

[hums]

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Delicious.

Why do you keep jelly in your nose?

-Want some? -No!

That's why I keep it in my nose.

[sighs] You know, this place isn't so bad.

We should just hang out here.

[suspenseful music]

Get off our sidewalk.

Who are you?

You don't even live around here.

True. But if you don't leave,

my men and I will crush you

like Algominth crushed the Clacnovians

when he conquered the invisible fortress

of Persetopia.

Uh...

-We don't know what that is. -Yeah.

Algominth.

From The Warlock's Code ?

Yeah, we never played that game.

It's a book.

Oh.

We never played that book.

No, you don't--

This land belongs to us.

It has been in my family for generations.

But you just admitted you don't live here.

Like Algorithm.

Algominth!

He's only the sole heir to the Hilgonthian throne.

Okay, well, tell him I'm sorry next time you...

read him.

Look dude, this is our hang out.

So why don't you and your men go talk weird somewhere else.

Yeah. What are you gonna do?

Fight some kids who are way smaller than you

just so you can kick them off a sidewalk

and make them ride Wyatt like a pony?

[laughing]

Why'd you throw in the pony thing?

I always wanted a pony. Giddy up!

Okay, Bernstein,

I know you're bummed about those losers

kicking us off our spot,

but I found us a new hangout.

No way! I can't wait to see it!

Unless it's in your bed under the covers.

I'll call you back.

I found a great place.

It's like the beach.

There's sand everywhere,

and you can dig for buried treasure.

Are you in a cat's litter box?

I'll call you back.

Bernstein, I'm telling you,

this time it's the real deal!

Crash, nobody wants to hang out in an abandoned sewer pipe.

Who said anything about it being abandoned?

[toilet flushing]

I'll call you back.

[screams]

[camera shutter clicks]

You know, as long as you're lurking you might as well help me.

[camera shutter clicks]

I wasn't lurking. I was just...

hiding so I could be near you without you knowing.

Just get over here and take some pictures.

I'd love to.

[camera shutter clicking]

Not pictures of you. You're so egotistical.

Pictures of me. Me, me, me.

Show me sassy.

[camera shutter clicking]

Show me flirty.

[camera shutter clicking]

Excellent. Now show me angry.

[camera shutter clicking]

Now show me how to work this camera,

because I'm pretty much pushing random buttons and saying stuff.

Pesto!

Okay, so we're back to angry.

[camera shutter clicking]

Get ready, guys. The search is over.

I found us the most epic hangout ever.

[Crash] Whoa.

How did you find this place?

Are we still in America?

It's an old fireworks factory. Things blew up here.

Oh. Then maybe, I shouldn't have lit this fuse.

That's my shoelace!

-Boom! -[screams]

This place has tons of potential. We just have to fix it up.

What's the best part about fixing up stuff?

-[Crash and Wyatt] Power tools. -Lemonade breaks.

And power tools.

-[engine running] -[blubbering]

[grunting]

Hn, heavy. [grunting]

[mock grunting]

Oh, yeah.

[mock grunting]

Oh, we done?

Cool.

Look, I found some old records.

Awesome. Let's see if they still work.

Yeah, still work.

And they sound good.

What do you mean you spent all your allowance coming to my parties?

Great. Now, the entire seventh grade is broke.

I need a new market to exploit.

Can you keep it down?

I'm counting my money from the tooth fairy.

I wonder who gives her money when she loses a tooth.

[thinking] Cleo, think before you do this.

Are you okay taking advantage of your baby sister?

I feel nothing.

Jasmine,

how many friends do you have?

I don't know. A million?

You think you can get ten of them to come to a dance party?

You think you can cut me in for half?

[thinking] I'm gonna buy a unicorn.

Okay, we have to give the hangout a name.

I was thinking either "the hang," "the junk lot," the--

What the...?

Ooh. The "what the."

I like it.

What are you doing here? This is ours.

I didn't see your battle flag.

What kind of loser has a battle flag?

[trumpets]

Now leave, or we'll do to you

what Prince Jarmithia did to the Vospan army

at the rock fortress of Kwun.

-Yeah, we still haven't read that book. -Yeah.

Seriously?

Guys, you don't know what you're missing. It's fantastic.

-I can lend you my copy. -[clears throat]

I mean...

Leave.

And don't come back.

This is our land now!

[ululating]

What are you gonna do?

Fight us and make us wear our underwear

on the outside of our pants?

I don't know why I keep giving them ideas.

I don't know why you switched to a thong.

My cheeks need to breathe, Bernstein.

[Wyatt sighs]

We didn't fix up this place just so we could get kicked out

by the lord of the dweebs.

I say we end this right now and take back our hangout.

Whoa, but Bernstein, Bernstein, Bernstein,

take a chillax-ative.

First, let's try it my way.

I've got a plan that probably won't work.

[clears throat]

[in southern accent] Pardon me for interrupting

your Nerd Olympics.

I am a southern millionaire.

And you fellas are trespassing on my property.

As you can see, my name is on this deed.

This is a receipt for a three-pack of thongs.

Apparently, my accountants have provided me

with improper paperwork.

Not a problem.

Why don't you have a seat and we can discuss it?

Ah. Your hospitality is much appreciated.

Whoo!

-[strumming] -Mmm.

Excellent lute plucking, Andre.

I'd get away from that car if I were you.

Who are you?

Doctor Hunter Ghost.

Ghost hunter.

[imitates beeping]

Oh, this car is crawling with supernatural paranormal ghost stuff.

[beeping]

Oh, you should run.

[beeping faster] Get out.

[beeping intensifies] Get out!

-[mock beeping] -[mock beeping]

Whoa, I'm sensing some spirits over in the catapult.

You should check it out.

Oh, hey. That's a-- That's a nice detector you got there.

What's that, the TS-480?

Wait a minute.

I'm not falling for that again.

I'm gonna stand over here,

right in front of the catapult.

[grunts]

[ululating]

[Crash] Joke's on you. I'm not a real ghost hunter.

Why hasn't that stupid modeling agency written me back yet?

It's all I can think about.

Pesto, talk to me, so I can distract myself.

Really? You want me to talk to you?

-I've prepared several discussion topics-- -[computer beeps]

Shut your hole. They wrote me back.

They wanna offer me a job.

I'm gonna be a model.

Oh, they attached the picture they liked the most.

[Pesto] That's me.

I do look good.

[scoffs]

I forgot to delete those pictures.

This has to be a mistake.

Why would a modeling agency want a rat with hair gel?

Yes.

You noticed my hair gel.

"We look forward to representing you.

P.S. Your girlfriend is very pretty."

-They think I'm pretty. -They think you're my girlfriend.

It may not be a vacant lot next to an abandoned fireworks factory,

but you gotta admit the elevator is a pretty cool hangout.

I can't believe the cord reached all the way to the apartment.

Yeah. Kind of an electrical genius.

-[shouts] -[elevator dings]

Beat it, boy meat. We're having an elevator dance party.

Whoo-whoo. Holler!

[dance music playing]

There's a two glow stick minimum, people.

10 bucks a stick.

[sighs] That's it. I'm sick of being pushed around.

Emily, you are lucky you're seven.

Let's go, Crash.

We're getting rid of those losers and taking our hangout back.

But Bernstein, there's no way we'll get rid of those guys.

Trust me. I've tried.

I even used my inferior intellect.

We can do this.

Me and you together, nothing can stop us.

-Put on your fighting nose. -Okay.

Hey, all right.

Let's go bust up a dance party.

-I meant the hangout. -Oh.

Listen up.

This is our hangout and we want it back.

You can either surrender

or we'll punish you like the Plenian army

punished Lord Hecumus at the Battle of Seven Serpents.

No way! You read the book?

No, I just read the summary online.

It was lame.

-Super lame. -Yeah.

Even I thought so.

And my opinion of what's cool is usually the subject of lengthy debate.

So what? You think we're just gonna surrender?

We're not afraid of a couple middle school kids.

-Oh yeah? -[snaps]

[epic music]

How about an army of middle school kids?

[chuckles]

Ooh. Oh! We're so scared.

You should be scared.

You may be bigger than us,

but we've got courage and heart and...

Wait, what did the scarecrow want?

Brains.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, we've got courage and heart.

And we mean business.

Will there be pain? Yes.

But we laugh at pain.

Will there be humiliation? You bet.

But we're not gonna back down

just because you might wax off our eyebrows

and then draw them on a little higher so that we always look surprised.

We came to fight.

And fight we will,

even if some of us have to miss our piano lessons.

We are strong.

And we will defeat you.

And none of us will back down until the fight is won!

Crud.

Well, I'm impressed you two stayed.

I'd never leave your side in battle.

He tried to run, but his foot got stuck.

Don't mess with me. These hands are registered...

with the Pierre Chateau Modeling Agency.

If words were daggers, we'd all be slain.

But they're not.

So be gone before one of you gets a bloody nose.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Why aren't pancakes a fruit?

No.

Come closer. I'll show you a bloody nose.

[growls]

[Crash] Oh! My nose! [screaming]

[vomits]

[spits]

Who's next?

This kid is as mad as the moons of Detrimor.

[squeals] Retreat to Randy's mom's house!

[screams]

Bernstein, you're a genius.

You got our hangout back.

This calls for my face slam nose.

Dude, no offense, but I like you better without a nose.

Thanks, Bernstein.

Face slam!

[both grunt]

This is my battle flag. [chuckles]

Well, that should keep people out of here.

[chuckles]

♪ Brave Sir Bernstein Wanted a place to hang ♪

♪ But his plans were foiled By a nerdy teenage gang ♪

♪ That's when Crash The Great Tried to save the day ♪

♪ But those warlock kids Catapulted him away ♪

♪ So brave Sir Bernstein Stood up to his foes ♪

♪ He grabbed Crash The Great And bit off his jelly nose ♪

-May I? -Sure.

♪ Bit off his jelly nose ♪

♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪