Original subtitles

Oh, hey.

-What happened this morning? - What didn't?

I woke up, I had a massive cramp in my foot,

so I hobbled downstairs to get a banana,

and I stubbed the toe on my other foot.

Literally, it's a miracle I'm here.

What's up?

We had a meeting at 9:00 with Goodyear.

-No one told me. -I sent a dozen invites to your calendar.

- I think I would've known. -Did you turn on your notifications?

Yeah, I turned them on. It just was--

It's on now.

-So--

So how'd the meeting go?

We rescheduled 'cause you weren't there. I sent you an email about that as well.

Got it.

Who's this guy?

Oh, Frank? That's Beth's boyfriend.

Really? I thought you two were--

No-- Why-- Me and Beth? No, why would I do that?

Yeah. She can do better than you. She did do better than you.

Frankenstein!

It's alive!

Bring it in, you filthy monster.

Whoa, man, you smell good. What are you wearing?

Just my soap.

-I like that. That's cool. -Thank you.

-I thought you were heading to Houston. -Heading to the airport now.

Beth left her, uh, phone charger at my house.

-Hey, honey. I'm sorry I'm late. -Hey.

Traffic was crazy. Thank you for bringing my lunch.

-And remember to text me when you-- -Your lunch?

-Wait a second, you just said-- -No.

-Wait a second. No, someone lied to me. -Kevin, don't.

You said it's your lunch, and he said it's a phone charger. What's going on?

Oh, Beth.

You're an astronaut?

I have sleep apnea.

-I die 13 times an hour. -Yeah, it's nerve-racking.

Yeah. I keep dialing nine, one, and hanging up.

I am not an animal.

I haven't washed that in a week.

Good morning, everyone.

First off, I wanna congratulate the whole team for a solid race at Pocono,

which moves us up to 26th in the standings.

- All right, Jake. -That's great. That's you guys.

By the way, good job fixing that bug in the ECU, Amir.

Could've cost us the whole weekend.

I'm sorry.

She was complimenting you, moron.

Anyway, as you may or may not know, we had to part ways

with our friends at Big Hoof Barbeque last week.

-Of course, everybody knows that. -Okay, but good news.

We have a better sponsor.

Bobby Spencer Racing's gonna be the face of a new product.

I know you've all been curious, and I can finally let you know--

Is it a turtle?

Yeah, it's a turtle.

It looks like a turtle. I was going off its shape.

May I present…

Fake Steak.

What… what is Fake Steak?

America's hottest new mushroom-based beef substitute.

And dogs like this?

It's for people.

It's like a higher-end version of an Impossible Burger.

Fake Steak's launching a whole new national campaign, and bonus,

they wanna do a commercial with our very own Jake Martin.

-All right, Jake.

-This is a joke, right? -Well, I hope so--

Oh, come on. Kevin, you'll try it, right?

Why, what did I do?

-Kevin, enjoy a bite of Fake Steak.

-Are you kidding me? -Yeah.

Wow, it smells like a turtle.

You're gonna love it.

It's our new hood sponsor. Let's get excited.

Mmm. Okay.

Oh--

Mmm.

Hey, Kev, let me get you a gun so you can wash that down.

It doesn't break down in your mouth right away.

I guess you gotta decide on your own when you wanna swallow it.

-Hey, do you got a sec? -I don't wanna talk about Fake Steak.

Yeah. Nobody does. Tastes like a Band-Aid you found in a puddle.

They're our sponsor. You need to get everyone on board.

We're Big Hoof Barbeque. Our logo is a bull, okay?

Our fans are the Stampede. What will they be called now?

-Whatever you call a field of mushrooms? -A patch.

Okay, do you even hear yourself?

The Patch? That's not a racing team. That's something you slap on your grandma

to get her to stop smoking.

It may not be perfect, but the company's excited.

Yeah, but our team is not.

Look, you got a big problem 'cause Jakey won't be able to sell this.

Then you've got a problem

'cause he's filming the commercial tomorrow.

I don't know about that.

You better. He's gonna be there, he's gonna do a great job,

and if he doesn't, it's on you.

No. Hey-- This conversation's not over.

- Yeah, it is. -Now it is.

Lou, stop staring. We talked about this.

Wow. Look at you go.

You're like an angry cat with a laser pointer.

Have a seat, Jake. I wanna talk to you.

It's, uh… it's about Fake Steak.

Turns out it's, uh… it's not a joke.

What was wrong with Big Hoof? The food was great.

I could walk into any location and eat for free.

And I'm not under 13.

But that was just a few restaurants. This is a national commercial.

-Everybody's gonna know who you are. -Yeah, for fake meat.

The Cadillac of fake meat. Hey, were M&Ms cool before Kyle Busch?

Yeah. They've always been great.

They melt in your mouth and not in your hands. That's like magic.

Here's the deal.

I don't wanna use Fake Steak either. I can't stand it.

But you know what? We can do this.

We gotta make the best of it. And, I'm telling you, that face on TV?

I mean, come on.

-Yeah, it's a good face. - Right?

Now, I'm afraid we're gonna lose you to Hollywood.

All right, I'm listening.

No, that was it. That was the whole pitch.

-But it's a national commercial? -Yes.

-They're gonna make me take my shirt off? -No.

All right. I'll still do it.

Where have you been? They're about to start shooting.

And you have the hood of my car open?

I thought it'd look good, so I pitched it to the director

and he said, "Yeah, okay. Whatever," so.

All right. Amir, I'm gonna put it like this.

See, I'm like a chef who doesn't want to share his secret recipe,

because some of his ingredients are illegal.

Oh, okay, and if we get caught, the chef will be in trouble.

Oh, no. Because the chef already has a plan to blame it on the waiter.

Hey, we're gonna go with the hood closed.

Okay, whatever.

Cleared it. So…

So we're gonna start with the car and then get the driver.

-You setting up the shots? -Yeah.

Yeah, I figured. I used to be in the business myself.

Pageants, mostly.

Miss Mecklenburg County '91. What's up?

-All right, let's do this. Star is on set. -Appreciate that, but I'm not a star.

Just an incredibly successful elite athlete,

who's more than willing to take his shirt off.

Okay. This is gonna be real simple. Just stand in front of the car,

have a bite of the Fake Steak, and say, "Mmm. The box says fake--"

-"But my mouth says steak." -Great.

-All right, I got goosebumps. Whoo!

That was great, Jake. But smile at the end, baby

No teeth, no tiara.

All right. I think we're all set.

And action, Jake.

-Uh, actually, I usually say that. -Action, when he says that.

Yeah. Great.

Action.

No!

-Cut! I… I got this. -Yeah, cut.

Uh…

Hey, buddy, that was, uh--

That's fantastic. Uh, one note…

-Maybe try one where you don't hate it. -It's so bad.

I know. I'm still burping up the bite I had yesterday.

But you can pretend, right?

It's kinda like when--

Remember when Beth was trying that organic deodorant,

and we all told her we couldn't tell the difference?

-Yeah, let's do that. -Hey.

Yeah. You know what?

A handful of beeswax under there does nothing. All right?

Let's do this.

-All right. Got this? -Yep.

Okay.

-If I can? -Absolutely. You're doing a great job.

Thank you. Action.

-Mmm. The box says fake, but-- - No, cut.

You gotta cut. Sorry.

-I didn't finish my line. -You said "mmm" before it's in your mouth.

-You said to pretend to like it. -Yeah, but you haven't tasted it yet.

You know I tasted it.

But the people watching the commercial don't.

-Good catch. -Yeah, okay.

Can we run it from the top? Let's do this now.

-Great. Action. -Okay.

-Ah! -No, cut. No, no, no, no.

You're saying "ah" like it's refreshing.

-Yeah. -No, no. It's not lemonade, it's food.

- Mmm… -That-- That's…

That's closer, right there.

-Yeah. I got it. -Okay. Keep the cameras rolling.

-Never stopped. Okay. -Okay.

And action.

- Mm. - Oh, boy.

-What the heck was that? -I don't know.

You look like DeNiro.

Mm.

No.

You look like you're on the fence. Come on. Let's get this right.

What's the sound your motorcycle makes?

There. There. Stay in second gear. Let's get it going. Come on, second gear.

They're starting to get pissed off.

-Why, what'd they say? -"We're starting to get pissed off."

Just, uh, action.

The box says steak, but my mouth says fake.

The box says steak, but my mouth says fake.

Oh. Still wrong.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. When it cuts together, it'll be fine.

-You don't think I'll look stupid? -You're gonna look great.

You know the guy who plays Thor? Chris Hemsworth?

Yeah.

He's actually a little person.

What?

It's a camera trick. They get him close to the lens.

Everybody else is way back there.

-No way! -It's kind of magical.

Hey.

You know Chris Hemsworth's a little person?

-Who said that? - I did.

To make Jake feel better about the commercial.

Oh, yeah. He's tiny.

-What do we have here? -Ugh. Not now, Blaney.

Just wanna introduce my buddy, Cole Custer.

You guys are used to seeing the back of his head.

'Cause they're always behind me on the track.

Yes, I know, Cole. That's why I said it the way I said it.

Thanks for stopping by, Ryan Blaney.

Mind if we stare at that thing

under your lip till it turns into a butterfly?

That's a good one, man.

What is in the box, by the way?

Oh, swag. Sweet.

It came in just after you guys left. It's the new Fake Steak merch.

Is that a ram?

It's what my toe looked like before I got it fixed.

It's like a mushroom and a cow had a baby. A really ugly baby.

I bust my butt to build a car to put this on the hood?

I know it sucks. But hood sponsors pay our salaries.

I'm not wearing this.

Look, being a driver's not about what sticker's on the car.

It's about being on the track.

It's why you get up at 4:00 a.m. to practice.

-I'm not really a morning guy. - Okay.

The point is, you got a lot of talent.

You're wide open.

You don't think about a lot of things. You just wanna win,

and I love that about you.

Forget all that other stuff. You can do this.

All right. Maybe I can.

Isn't that from Days of Thunder?

Yeah. And if this doesn't work, he goes into that speech from Rudy

and changes "football" to "car."

-Please tell me that's your new sponsor. -Yeah, they threw a ton of money at us.

They'd have to to get you to wear those.

Good luck.

-I can't do it. -Yes, you can. Don't listen to them.

When Blaney and I are coming down the stretch, who'll they cheer for?

Hot mushroom meat or MoneyLion?

Money and lions? It's the two best things.

I'm going with mushroom meat.

'Cause lions, they'll turn on you. Just ask Siegfried and Roy.

-That was a tiger. -You're not helping, Chuck.

Look, every time I race, I think I'm gonna win.

I don't feel that anymore.

This Catherine chick has been coming at me since day one.

She's been coming at everyone.

First, we interview for jobs we already have,

and then she switches the sponsors without even talking to us.

I was the Cup Series Rookie of the Year. I was on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Aw, sweetie, we made that for you at Six Flags.

Yeah, that's right.

Look, I've always trusted you.

If you tell me I gotta do this, I will.

But you used to drive. You know.

Would you get behind the wheel if you were second-guessing yourself?

No.

Then why do you think I should?

Look, if you don't believe in yourself, then there's no way we can win.

Everybody, take your hats off. Put 'em in the box.

-Chuck, you like burning things, right? -Hell yeah, I do.

Get rid of these.

-Gone. -Where are you going?

I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna get Big Hoof back, and--

You know what? This Fake Steak's a joke.

That logo's horrible, the commercial was embarrassing.

-But you said that-- -I lied. Chris Hemsworth's six foot three.

- How'd the shoot go yesterday? -It was a train wreck.

But you swooped in and saved it?

No. I was inside the train. You can't swoop from inside the train.

Was I not clear on how important this was?

You were clear, which is why I'm gonna return the favor.

Fake Steak's got to go.

No.

-I'm not trying to overrule you. -That's a relief.

It's just… it's not a NASCAR product.

I know you mean well, but I know what I'm doing, all right?

I'm gonna call Big Hoof, talk to Rob, and do what I can to get them back.

Oh, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

I am tired of this fight.

We're in the Fake Steak canoe and rowing down the river.

Now, either grab a paddle and row with me or get out of the canoe.

Okay. Does the paddle have that dumb logo on it?

Yes, it does.

Well then, you know what? There's more than one canoe in this town.

-And by canoe, I mean other race teams. -I know.

It was my metaphor.

Here's a meta-five. I'm out of the canoe.

-Did you fix it? -Uh…

In a manner of speaking, yes.

So, no.

I made it worse.

How would you guys feel about working for a bigger team, a better team?

-How'll you pull that off? -I've been keeping this a secret, but, uh,

a lot of big teams have been after me for a long time.

Many years.

Kev, you've never kept that a secret. You brag about it all the time.

Okay.

But I've always said no in the past. Today, I'm saying yes.

Because if we can't be respected in the house that we built,

then we need to look someplace else.

-I don't know. This sounds very risky. -When have I let you down?

Three minutes ago, when you said you'd get our sponsor back and you didn't.

Okay. Other than then?

Or the time you said you wouldn't date my mom.

We just went out to Pizza Hut and-- She was a dud.

What about when I got arrested in Jacksonville?

I'm not talking about little stuff, okay?

I was in jail for three days.

I am walking out that door and getting us a better team.

We're gonna get one now.

I got hepatitis.

You know-- All right, this is crazy.

-Can I help you? -Yes.

I--

I'm gonna need one second 'cause that is a lot of stairs.

I never came up mad before.

Oh, God.

Please. Have a seat.

Did you know Kevin is out there right now-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I really thought I could launch back into that. Okay.

I need some water.

Yeah, I'm sorry, there's no way I'm getting that.

Hit me again.

I'm assuming you talked to Kevin.

I don't want him to leave.

But if he does, there are plenty of crew chiefs out there.

Not like him.

Do you really think he'll walk out of here alone?

He gets another job, everybody goes.

That's not gonna happen. Kevin can't get another team running by Sunday.

He doesn't have to.

You're the one that's gotta be at Indy this weekend.

Unless you can build a car and drive it,

it's gonna be the first time this team hasn't shown up in 30 years.

Well, everyone can't just quit.

Yeah, they can.

And when you don't make the race, you forfeit your points for the season.

You could lose your charter.

It might be the end of Bobby Spencer Racing.

Well, that's not gonna happen 'cause I have a plan.

-What is it? -It's a secret.

But it's very good.

And when I tell you it, you're gonna say,

"Wow."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put my plan into action.

I'm gonna sit here until I can't hear my pulse anymore.

Mark.

-Hey, Kevin. Long time. -Yeah.

I was just heading out to the store

to pick up some of that delicious Smithfield bacon.

Oh, I keep forgetting it's one of your sponsors.

It's a small world.

I don't suppose you stopping by has to do with Bobby retiring?

No. Nope.

Unrelated.

But Bobby is retiring.

And word is Stewart-Haas is starting up a fourth team and you need a crew chief.

Look, you know I'm a fan--

And you're not just getting me. You're getting everybody.

My whole team.

Now, I hope you like the taste of champagne

'cause you're gonna be drinking a lot of it in victory lane.

I've been sober three years.

Couldn't do it in time to save my marriage,

or my relationship with my kids, but now, by the grace of God,

I'm part of a 12-step program.

Amen, amen.

Kevin, you are a great crew chief, and I'd love to hire you.

Great. I'll start tomorrow. Don't talk anymore, don't ruin it.

I wish you'd come to me sooner.

I'll tell you our secrets. We cheat, constantly. Every week we cheat.

Look, times are changing.

You know as well as I do, it's more a video game out there than a race.

When we tell our sponsors we're getting a new crew chief,

the first question they ask is where he got his engineering degree.

Do you want me working for a competitor?

You already do.

I know, but, like, a different one.

You're gonna hear the same thing all over town.

Guys like you and me are dinosaurs.

You mean dinosaurs as in top of the food chain, right?

Huge teeth. Short arms.

Knocking down people with a tail-whip. Pow.

No.

Extinct.

My advice to you would be hold onto that job with both your tiny hands.

What if I already let go?

Then I'd say you made a mistake, son.

All right. I guess that's it.

All right.

Hold on a sec, Kev.

I can't send you away like this.

Thank you, Mark.

There's a coupon for five pounds of bacon.

Try the honey brickle. It's outrageous.

-You're back. -Yeah.

-Uh, crazy day, huh? -Yeah.

Hey, could we talk for a second?

Look, I owe you an apology.

Yeah, you do.

We're both passionate about the team. Things got heated.

You have a lifetime of experience, and I've been foolish to ignore it.

It's never gonna happen again.

Okay, that couldn't have been easy for you to say, but

it did have to be said.

Apology accepted.

I know you've been meeting with other owners.

-You probably have a ton of offers. -I do. I do.

Put a little blood in the water, and the sharks come a-swimmin'.

Well, look, changing sponsors is a huge deal,

and I shouldn't have sprung it on you and Jake.

This is as much your team as it is my team.

Well, not as much. Obviously, it's my team.

That's why I sign the front of the checks. But it's your team.

Great. I'm just gonna call Big Hoof and get them back--

It's really not your team.

Look, Big Hoof's gone. We've got a new contract, the owner's my friend,

so, if Fake Steak's a deal breaker, and you've gotta leave--

Wait, wait, first of all,

why do you jump right to deal breaker?

It's like-- It's not a deal breaker.

Yeah, no, I didn't.

-Neither did I. -No deals are being broken.

-I agree completely. - Okay.

But maybe we could just say that, you know,

Jake doesn't have to do appearances with the product.

Yeah, sorry. He's gotta.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Um…

He'll do appearances, but he's not wearing the shirt.

-He has to wear the shirt. -I don't mind the shirt.

I don't, you know.

And I don't think he does either.

But he's not eating the product. That's one thing I put my foot down on.

No. He's gotta eat it. I don't see a way around that.

I don't either. My foot's up. Uh…

That's a deal right there, I think, right?

That's how negotiations work.

We're supposed to hurt a little, each of us.

I feel good about this. So, do we handshake?

You wanna hug it out? Double-gun walkaway?

You could leave and close the door.

Okay. I'm gonna-- I guess I'll holster these and just--

Okay. We already have that other team if we need that.

But I was thinking this way, and it's a little different,

but what if we were to stay at Bobby Spencer Racing

and we sell Fake Steak? It's another way to go.

Struck out getting the job, huh?

Remember when Randy Johnson hit a bird with a pitch, and it exploded?

Yeah.

-I was that bird. - Oh.

I did research on Fake Steak and I gotta tell you,

it's an important product.

-Really? -Come on.

I'm telling you, plant-based protein is the future.

And gorillas, I didn't know this, they eat nothing but vegetables,

and they're the strongest animal on the planet.

Koko, the gorilla. You know the first word he could sign was?

- She. -Okay, okay.

The first word he could sign, and he had a choice of any word,

and you know what he came up with? Mushroom.

Okay. No, Kev-- There's no way that's true.

It's totally true. I saw a documentary.

-Really? -Yeah.

It was hosted by Morgan Freeman, so you know it's true.

-I believe him. -No, wait.

Actually, Koko's first word was "love."

Fine. Then it was the second word.

-It doesn't really matter. No-- -No, Kevin. That was "friend."

I'll tell you what the third word was, okay? It was…

-See, that looked like mushroom. -Like mushroom, but it was a punchy punch.

Anyway, the point is,

it wouldn't be the worst thing for us to adopt a healthy lifestyle.

We all could start eating a bit better. Do we agree?

-Yeah. -Sure.

-All right. -All right! What'll it be?

I'm gonna go with Sloppy Joe.

-Pulled pork. -Fried chicken.

-Meatloaf. -You still doing the bottomless meatballs?

-Yep. -Get us a couple of buckets to start off.

Oh, hey, my commercial!

The box says fake, but your mouth will say steak.

Right, NASCAR superstar, Jake Martin?

Yep.

Wow.

I know, buddy.

I looked unbelievable.