Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:15,672
'What do you do
when you wanna put your spliff down,
2
00:00:15,673 --> 00:00:18,632
'but both hands are busy
holding your face upright?
3
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,072
'It's a tough question.
4
00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:23,072
'We need big money and fast.
How do we get it?
5
00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:26,712
'That's another tough question
and, like a difficult pub quiz,
6
00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:28,913
'there's not going to be
an easy answer.'
7
00:00:29,953 --> 00:00:30,992
Oh, shit!
8
00:00:30,993 --> 00:00:33,072
We're gonna need some more glasses.
9
00:00:33,073 --> 00:00:35,352
These ones ain't exactly
up to scratch.
10
00:00:35,353 --> 00:00:38,472
For God's sake, Hope, money is tight!
11
00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:41,632
Maybe we should do a pub quiz.
Might make a bit of cash?
12
00:00:41,633 --> 00:00:43,832
What?
13
00:00:43,833 --> 00:00:45,183
Just a thought.
14
00:01:15,713 --> 00:01:18,352
Mobile phones, walkie talkies,
15
00:01:18,353 --> 00:01:21,072
bibles,
anything with any knowledge in it,
16
00:01:21,073 --> 00:01:23,152
LIKE, photos of Berlin,
17
00:01:23,153 --> 00:01:26,072
text messages, bike messengers,
18
00:01:26,073 --> 00:01:28,672
messages from the dead,
suicide notes,
19
00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:31,432
Facebooks, the entire internet -
in here
20
00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:35,232
now!
21
00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:37,672
'Ladies and gentlemen,
the quiz will begin
22
00:01:37,673 --> 00:01:40,112
'in five minutes.
Please take your seats.'
23
00:01:40,113 --> 00:01:41,912
This is your last chance, boys.
24
00:01:41,913 --> 00:01:44,712
Any cheating
and you will lose EVERYTHING.
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00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:47,032
We're about to lose this place.
Yeah, like I said,
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00:01:47,033 --> 00:01:50,032
you lose everything. I still
don't understand why Grandma's
27
00:01:50,033 --> 00:01:52,712
so short on the rent.
I thought we were doing all right.
28
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:56,713
I have a picture of a duck
on my T-shirt. Is that knowledge?
29
00:01:56,913 --> 00:01:58,312
Oh, God help us.
30
00:01:58,313 --> 00:02:00,792
Of course it is.
It's the blueprint for making a duck.
31
00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:04,472
Off, off, off!
32
00:02:04,473 --> 00:02:07,273
Dru, the information
on your armtops, please.
33
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:11,152
They're tattoos.
34
00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:15,153
Have it your way.
35
00:02:15,353 --> 00:02:19,353
Sloman!
36
00:02:25,193 --> 00:02:28,152
Something about this feels wrong.
This pub quiz cost
37
00:02:28,153 --> 00:02:29,592
a grand per team to enter
38
00:02:29,593 --> 00:02:33,593
and he's playing solo. That's not
all we should be worried about.
39
00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:36,072
We should be worried
about those boffins.
40
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,792
I was working at the bar
around here.
41
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:41,793
Excuse me. I'd like to order 835
billion-million-million molecules
42
00:02:43,593 --> 00:02:46,192
of vodka, please. Sorry, dude,
we've only got one bottle.
43
00:02:46,193 --> 00:02:49,073
Well, I think you'll find I'm only
asking for a single shot... Duh!
44
00:02:50,313 --> 00:02:52,832
Yeah.
Well, look at those guys over there.
45
00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:54,672
It's like they're professionals.
46
00:02:54,673 --> 00:02:56,672
There's something
about their t-shirts.
47
00:02:56,673 --> 00:03:00,432
She actually said I had to
colour in my tats or shave them off.
48
00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:04,433
Ladies and gentlefolk...
49
00:03:05,113 --> 00:03:09,113
..it begins!!
50
00:03:12,313 --> 00:03:14,832
What's happening? Just bear with me.
51
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:17,752
What? No! What are you..?
What are you..? No, no!
52
00:03:17,753 --> 00:03:21,753
I didn't...
I didn't know it was in there!
53
00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:25,833
The punishment for cheating is...
54
00:03:26,153 --> 00:03:28,432
..death!
55
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,792
Oh, for fuck's sake!
56
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:34,512
All right. The punishment
for cheating is immediate expulsion,
57
00:03:34,513 --> 00:03:35,592
with no refund.
58
00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,272
No, that's not fair. Ow!
59
00:03:38,273 --> 00:03:39,712
Bye-bye!
60
00:03:39,713 --> 00:03:43,432
I want the police!
61
00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:46,672
Nobody cheat, OK?
We can't afford to get chucked out.
62
00:03:46,673 --> 00:03:48,392
Four teams remain,
63
00:03:48,393 --> 00:03:52,393
to face questions
from three question setters
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00:03:53,473 --> 00:03:57,473
who have never met
before this evening.
65
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:02,873
Answers, please.
66
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,152
Nine questions.
67
00:04:09,153 --> 00:04:11,752
Nine answers, concealed within
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00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:14,072
the golden envelope.
69
00:04:14,073 --> 00:04:17,432
Even if you broke one of the judges,
you only get a third of the answers.
70
00:04:17,433 --> 00:04:18,472
It's foolproof.
71
00:04:18,473 --> 00:04:22,473
One prize - �5,000.
72
00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:25,872
And for second place - no pounds!
73
00:04:25,873 --> 00:04:29,873
Imagine five grand!
74
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,592
There's no time for songs.
75
00:04:35,593 --> 00:04:39,592
And, no, we're not spending it on
anything but paying off the rent.
76
00:04:39,593 --> 00:04:42,112
I put my student
loan on the line for this.
77
00:04:42,113 --> 00:04:43,992
Yeah,
and I sold all my toilet figurines.
78
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,312
And I pawned my piano.
79
00:04:45,313 --> 00:04:47,392
Your piano's doing a porno?
80
00:04:47,393 --> 00:04:51,312
Look, I really need to get it back
Dru. You sure we can win this?
81
00:04:51,313 --> 00:04:54,032
We'll win. Must win.
82
00:04:54,033 --> 00:04:55,552
Ssshhhh.
83
00:04:55,553 --> 00:04:58,672
Question one...
84
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:02,673
Start with an easy one, shall we?
85
00:05:05,433 --> 00:05:07,512
Which household chemical
86
00:05:07,513 --> 00:05:11,513
degrades into nonylphenols?
87
00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:16,192
Oh, shit! Really?!
Shit, in a good way?
88
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:18,952
In a "I know the answer"
kind of, way?
89
00:05:18,953 --> 00:05:21,872
Is the answer... maybe...
90
00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:24,192
Australia? Wow!
91
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:26,272
You really ARE just a pretty face.
92
00:05:26,273 --> 00:05:29,552
I'm not THAT pretty, but...
93
00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:33,432
They know the answer!
94
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,112
Me, too. I know the answer. What?
95
00:05:36,113 --> 00:05:37,952
It's monoethoxyldaze. What?
96
00:05:37,953 --> 00:05:41,352
How would you know that?
97
00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:43,152
Monoethoxyldaze.
98
00:05:43,153 --> 00:05:46,152
All one word. Write it down.
99
00:05:46,153 --> 00:05:48,152
Remember when we went on holiday?
100
00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:51,472
I saw a shiny, kind of, bathroom
cleaner in that shop we went to
101
00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:53,952
and I thought to myself,
"That'll help clean the toilets,
102
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:57,752
"if it contains powerful chemicals."
That's why I read the ingredients.
103
00:05:57,753 --> 00:05:59,232
Fine cheese slice?
104
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,592
No, thanks,
I'm just reading this can.
105
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:05,072
I don't remember offering you cheese.
You bought cleaning products?
106
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,152
And the packaging said what
the chemicals degrade into?
107
00:06:08,153 --> 00:06:09,472
Come on, write it down.
108
00:06:09,473 --> 00:06:13,032
Look, I was gonna show you all
the new cleaning product last week,
109
00:06:13,033 --> 00:06:16,072
but when I arrived... What do you
mean, we'll lose the place?!
110
00:06:16,073 --> 00:06:19,112
Well, I've got short on the rent
and the landlord says
111
00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:22,472
he's got a millionaire buyer
lined up. We need three grand.
112
00:06:22,473 --> 00:06:26,473
Three grand?! By this Friday.
113
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,472
I've got an idea. We'll raise
the price on my pub quiz.
114
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We'll raise it a lot.
115
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:38,433
Trust me, I know what I'm Dru-ing.
You have gotta stop self-punning.
116
00:06:40,873 --> 00:06:42,712
Second question...
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00:06:42,713 --> 00:06:46,713
In Hinduism,
Kurma, the second avatar of Vishnu,
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00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,312
appears as half man,
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00:06:51,313 --> 00:06:53,792
half what?
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00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:57,793
Oh, my God, we are SO
gonna be homeless. It looks like
121
00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:02,433
they know it again!
122
00:07:06,273 --> 00:07:09,552
I just saw Sloman
wink at one of them.
123
00:07:09,553 --> 00:07:12,552
Sloman's incorruptible. Only thing
he cares about is his tortoise.
124
00:07:12,553 --> 00:07:15,352
Question three...
125
00:07:15,353 --> 00:07:18,592
We haven't got one right, so far.
No, we've got monoethoxyldaze.
126
00:07:18,593 --> 00:07:22,472
How many girls are mentioned
in the classic track,
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00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:26,473
I Wanna Look Into Your Wet Eye,
128
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:31,352
by Spooge Flint?
129
00:07:31,353 --> 00:07:35,353
Hey, holy shit! As in, "Holy shit,
I know this one, after all"?
130
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:39,552
Yeah, and I know the answer
to the previous question. What?!
131
00:07:39,553 --> 00:07:42,592
And also, I think we might have
a massive problem on our hands.
132
00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:46,312
A few weeks ago, I wanted to get
us some advice on landing on some
133
00:07:46,313 --> 00:07:49,632
more gigs, so I went to Sloman's
therapy group for frontmen.
134
00:07:49,633 --> 00:07:53,633
Ante in, Stef. Are we not
talking about our feelings today?
135
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:57,672
Nah. Peter told a two-hour story
about making sweet love
136
00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:01,072
to six different women in one
afternoon, then writing
137
00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:03,432
a song about it. Can't top that!
138
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,432
Oh! Fold! Snap!
139
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:09,232
The answer's six women?
Hold on. Grandma was gambling?
140
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:12,352
That's...
Yeah, but that's not the point.
141
00:08:12,353 --> 00:08:14,912
That's why we're short on the rent.
I'm gonna kill her!
142
00:08:14,913 --> 00:08:17,072
No, listen to me.
143
00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:19,392
Peter,
that's Spooge Flint's front man,
144
00:08:19,393 --> 00:08:21,312
he was wearing
a very specific T-shirt.
145
00:08:21,313 --> 00:08:24,472
So, the answer to the Hindu god
question is tortoise and it's him.
146
00:08:24,473 --> 00:08:27,672
One of Team Testudo
is Peter from Spooge Flint
147
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,632
and Sloman is winking at him.
148
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:32,432
Stef, we know Sloman.
He didn't ask US for a bribe.
149
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:34,192
Because you don't have any money.
150
00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:38,193
Ssh. I think I'm having an important
thought about bollocks.
151
00:08:40,393 --> 00:08:43,192
It was when Sloman moved in with us.
152
00:08:43,193 --> 00:08:45,952
After reading Twilight,
I got really into books.
153
00:08:45,953 --> 00:08:48,752
Sloman mainly had
books about tortoises.
154
00:08:48,753 --> 00:08:51,472
Is there a tiny cow?
Do not touch that box!
155
00:08:51,473 --> 00:08:53,472
Testudo means tortoise, in Latin.
156
00:08:53,473 --> 00:08:57,473
I remember
because testudo sounds like testicle.
157
00:08:57,673 --> 00:09:01,673
Bollocks means testicles,
which sounds like Latin tortoises.
158
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,992
We're in too deep.
159
00:09:04,993 --> 00:09:07,352
Attention, quizzers...
160
00:09:07,353 --> 00:09:10,792
Since I now have to pass urine,
161
00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:12,552
we'll take a short comfort break.
162
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,872
Thank you.
163
00:09:13,873 --> 00:09:16,592
And no cheating!!
164
00:09:16,593 --> 00:09:19,032
We've got eyes on you.
165
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,032
We have got to confront him.
166
00:09:21,033 --> 00:09:24,592
No. Confronting the quizmaster
will look like cheating
167
00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:28,392
and if we get kicked out... We lose the hall.
Dru's right. Just like monoethoxyldaze.
168
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:30,672
All right, we'll grab him
in the toilets, then.
169
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:34,673
Wait, wait! Oh, shit!
"Oh, shit", as in...?
170
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:40,433
I have got a horrible feeling.
Is it thrush, again?
171
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:44,753
Unimprovable. I mean...
172
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,552
What is going on?
173
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:51,312
You can't touch me, I'm a quizmaster.
I will take you DOWN, brother.
174
00:09:51,313 --> 00:09:54,512
Sloman, we know about the guy in the
tortoise shirt, what's his name?
175
00:09:54,513 --> 00:09:57,752
All right. Busted. Look, I only did
it for the tortoise, all right?
176
00:09:57,753 --> 00:10:00,752
They asked me what would happen
to my tortoise after I died.
177
00:10:00,753 --> 00:10:04,753
You know what? It'll get turned
into an ashtray, that's what!
178
00:10:05,753 --> 00:10:08,992
They offered me security
for my tortoise. Who's "they"?
179
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:12,872
Look, I'll let you boys off your
rent. Just let them win, all right?
180
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,632
We have to expose the truth.
181
00:10:14,633 --> 00:10:17,912
No, listen to me. Sylvia is
a grand in debt from a poker game
182
00:10:17,913 --> 00:10:20,952
and she's behind on the rent.
If they cancel the quiz,
183
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:24,953
the place closes, anyway. We have to
play. It's their only chance.
184
00:10:25,193 --> 00:10:27,832
But we're the one's being played.
Well, Dru's cheating, too.
185
00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:31,072
That question about the cleaning
product. Sloman, shut up! OK.
186
00:10:31,073 --> 00:10:33,093
Guys, I need you to trust me.
187
00:10:41,592 --> 00:10:43,911
Dru, why did Sloman say
you were cheating too?
188
00:10:43,912 --> 00:10:47,912
Seriously, Dru, I need my piano
back and if you're cheating...
189
00:10:48,032 --> 00:10:52,032
Ssh, keep your voice down.
190
00:10:54,312 --> 00:10:56,031
That guy's only got one answer.
191
00:10:56,032 --> 00:11:00,032
We must be beating him.
192
00:11:03,672 --> 00:11:05,991
Next question.
193
00:11:05,992 --> 00:11:09,911
How many feet has a duck got?
194
00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:12,191
Two! Two...
195
00:11:12,192 --> 00:11:14,231
Does its wings count as feet?
196
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:17,431
Because I suppose flying is just
how ducks walk through the air.
197
00:11:17,432 --> 00:11:19,831
Let's go with your first answer.
198
00:11:19,832 --> 00:11:22,591
Ah, I forgot something. I'll be back.
199
00:11:22,592 --> 00:11:25,111
Back in a second.
200
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:26,951
Dru, your bullshit story about
201
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,151
shopping for effective
cleaning products.
202
00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:32,711
My cleaning products
are real, all right?
203
00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:36,471
They're in that box over
there. Check them afterwards.
204
00:11:36,472 --> 00:11:38,911
Or we could check now.
205
00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:42,631
What, with the judges
looking for cheats?
206
00:11:42,632 --> 00:11:46,632
No, my answer stays.
207
00:11:53,032 --> 00:11:55,031
Mum, I need... listen, Mum.
208
00:11:55,032 --> 00:11:57,271
I need you to look
something up for me.
209
00:11:57,272 --> 00:12:00,311
No, not that, they're
fully descended now, OK?
210
00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:02,511
This is a new problem.
211
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:06,512
Next question.
212
00:12:08,192 --> 00:12:12,192
I must attend to my anus.
213
00:12:12,752 --> 00:12:16,752
So, it's just us smart kids left.
214
00:12:16,952 --> 00:12:19,711
What is the capital of Australia?
215
00:12:19,712 --> 00:12:21,351
A.
216
00:12:21,352 --> 00:12:22,911
What?
217
00:12:22,912 --> 00:12:26,912
Australia starts with a capital A.
218
00:12:27,352 --> 00:12:31,352
Thanks, Ash, great stuff there.
219
00:12:33,832 --> 00:12:35,391
Just had a thought.
220
00:12:35,392 --> 00:12:38,751
Question one, I'm thinking maybe
its nonylphenol ethoxylates.
221
00:12:38,752 --> 00:12:40,751
Oh, you had a thought?
222
00:12:40,752 --> 00:12:44,591
Yeah, one of those things that
comes to you when you're pissing.
223
00:12:44,592 --> 00:12:46,631
Right.
224
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:50,632
Cheers for this. Now, the
answer is monoethyloxydaze.
225
00:12:51,352 --> 00:12:52,871
All one word.
226
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,872
Put that answer down,
you won't regret it.
227
00:13:00,832 --> 00:13:03,871
Start talking, Dru.
228
00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:06,071
How was your dump?
229
00:13:06,072 --> 00:13:08,071
People discuss answers
in the toilets.
230
00:13:08,072 --> 00:13:09,631
I've been sat in here listening.
231
00:13:09,632 --> 00:13:12,191
Stef's been cheating too but
at least he's cheating for us.
232
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:16,191
I want the truth!
233
00:13:16,192 --> 00:13:19,751
Look, back when Ash went solo
I got a bit worried about him.
234
00:13:19,752 --> 00:13:22,991
So, I checked in on him
from time to time.
235
00:13:22,992 --> 00:13:26,911
Hey, Ashram, welcome to my workspace.
236
00:13:26,912 --> 00:13:30,912
Much less stifling than some office,
you know, way more practical.
237
00:13:31,392 --> 00:13:34,151
I got talking to a hipster, said
he was going to lose a chunk of
238
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:37,351
his inheritance when his rock star
dad blew it on a tortoise sanctuary.
239
00:13:37,352 --> 00:13:40,271
Some dude in his therapy group had
turned him into a tortoise lover.
240
00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:41,951
I didn't think much
of it at the time,
241
00:13:41,952 --> 00:13:43,671
but a few weeks later
at the careers fair
242
00:13:43,672 --> 00:13:46,431
at your school there was a stall
for a tortoise habitat designer.
243
00:13:46,432 --> 00:13:48,311
The dude showed me some
plans he'd drawn up.
244
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:50,711
This is a model of a bingo
hall we're trying to acquire,
245
00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:52,271
not too far from here.
246
00:13:52,272 --> 00:13:56,272
If you notice there are 11...11
different designs for your tortoise.
247
00:13:57,032 --> 00:13:59,231
Your gran was in a bit
of trouble with the rent.
248
00:13:59,232 --> 00:14:02,471
When they asked her to play poker
she was sunk before she knew it.
249
00:14:02,472 --> 00:14:04,351
The tortoise sanctuary designer,
250
00:14:04,352 --> 00:14:07,471
he's the guy out there in
the Team Testudo T-shirt.
251
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:11,472
So what's your game, Dru?
252
00:14:13,032 --> 00:14:16,231
Look, you have to back me up on
question one, no matter what.
253
00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:18,631
But Stef asked his mum to look
it up, I heard him call her.
254
00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:20,951
Yeah, but he can't admit
he was cheating, can he?
255
00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:23,192
Not after what happened
to the boffins.
256
00:14:26,552 --> 00:14:30,552
So Dru, I was just saying, I think
question one, you've got it wrong.
257
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:32,511
What? No... bollocks!
258
00:14:32,512 --> 00:14:34,951
I found your cleaning
product the other day.
259
00:14:34,952 --> 00:14:38,952
I wrote down the ingredients, erm,
to check they were eco-friendly.
260
00:14:39,032 --> 00:14:41,151
You found my cleaning products?
261
00:14:41,152 --> 00:14:43,991
Yeah, the one in that box, yeah.
262
00:14:43,992 --> 00:14:47,071
I think I've still got the bit
of paper that I wrote it down on,
263
00:14:47,072 --> 00:14:50,031
nonylphenol ethoxylates.
264
00:14:50,032 --> 00:14:51,951
My answer stays.
265
00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:53,271
I don't trust you.
266
00:14:53,272 --> 00:14:55,471
Sloman already just
said you were cheating.
267
00:14:55,472 --> 00:14:58,991
I think we should go with
Dru's answer. I trust him.
268
00:14:58,992 --> 00:15:00,471
But I need my piano back.
269
00:15:00,472 --> 00:15:03,031
I know it's nonylphenol... thingy.
270
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:06,151
Our lease on this place
is riding on this, Dru.
271
00:15:06,152 --> 00:15:08,351
Stef, Ash, do the right thing.
272
00:15:08,352 --> 00:15:10,551
You have to trust me on this.
273
00:15:10,552 --> 00:15:12,591
Where are you going?
274
00:15:12,592 --> 00:15:14,391
Right, we need to settle this.
275
00:15:14,392 --> 00:15:16,431
We need to check that box.
276
00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:18,751
What if we're spotted?
277
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:22,752
I'll do it!
278
00:15:28,752 --> 00:15:32,511
Time to go to work.
279
00:15:32,512 --> 00:15:34,791
Final question.
280
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:38,792
What year was the first Twix sold?
281
00:15:40,192 --> 00:15:44,192
First Twix, 1967.
282
00:15:46,232 --> 00:15:48,631
OK, it's nearly the end of the quiz.
283
00:15:48,632 --> 00:15:52,632
Time is, literally, running out.
284
00:16:00,272 --> 00:16:02,431
We need to play for time!
285
00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:05,791
Let's dance everybody!
286
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:08,951
I mean, could you
repeat the question?
287
00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:12,952
No! I've told you, there is no time.
288
00:16:14,832 --> 00:16:18,832
Come on, Ash!
289
00:16:22,352 --> 00:16:25,071
Oh, fuck!
290
00:16:25,072 --> 00:16:26,831
Penis down.
291
00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:30,231
Oh, hang on, it's apostrophe
isn't it? It's not an I.
292
00:16:30,232 --> 00:16:34,232
It's empty!
293
00:16:36,112 --> 00:16:40,112
Pen's down.
294
00:16:47,112 --> 00:16:51,112
Anyone caught touching a pen,
from now on, will be disqualified.
295
00:16:52,152 --> 00:16:56,152
No refunds.
296
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,671
You guys betrayed us.
297
00:17:02,672 --> 00:17:05,631
I was so sure, Stef?
298
00:17:05,632 --> 00:17:08,831
No, I cheated, I never saw
Dru's cleaning product.
299
00:17:08,832 --> 00:17:12,832
I rang my mum.
300
00:17:16,072 --> 00:17:20,072
The box of cleaning products, Dru?
301
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:23,991
Why would I buy cleaning
products with my own money?
302
00:17:23,992 --> 00:17:26,031
I hate cleaning.
303
00:17:26,032 --> 00:17:27,711
Epic porky pie, dude.
304
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:30,311
Re-checking my made-up
cleaning products.
305
00:17:30,312 --> 00:17:32,311
I am going to kill you!
306
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,991
Halt the quiz.
307
00:17:33,992 --> 00:17:36,192
We have evidence of cheating.
308
00:17:39,112 --> 00:17:43,112
Question one was, which chemical
degrades into nonylphenols?
309
00:17:46,592 --> 00:17:50,592
Three teams out of four gave
the answer as monoethyloxydaze.
310
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:59,511
Sorry... I obviously
owe you an apology.
311
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,271
However, the correct answer
312
00:18:03,272 --> 00:18:07,272
was nonylphenol ethoxylates.
313
00:18:08,072 --> 00:18:12,072
We checked the internet, there is
no such thing as monoethyloxydaze.
314
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:14,511
It's bullshit!
315
00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:17,311
It's a bullshit, made up chemical.
316
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:21,312
Now, hmm, I wonder how three
teams could end up with exactly
317
00:18:21,672 --> 00:18:24,551
the same, made up, answer?
318
00:18:24,552 --> 00:18:26,351
Hmm, I wonder...
319
00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:30,352
Cheating, that's how! Yeah.
320
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,191
Peter, I'm sorry.
321
00:18:34,192 --> 00:18:36,231
Where are the tortoise's
going to live now?
322
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:37,911
In their own bloody shells?
323
00:18:37,912 --> 00:18:39,951
So, who wins the money?
324
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,031
The only person who did not cheat
325
00:18:42,032 --> 00:18:46,032
and answered question one correctly,
that gentlemen over there.
326
00:18:49,632 --> 00:18:53,632
It was, actually, the only
question he answered.
327
00:18:53,712 --> 00:18:55,911
What about the one about the duck?
328
00:18:55,912 --> 00:18:58,351
Wasn't sure if their
wings counted as legs.
329
00:18:58,352 --> 00:18:59,831
Ah!
330
00:18:59,832 --> 00:19:01,391
There you go.
331
00:19:01,392 --> 00:19:03,351
Ron, are we homeless?
332
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,391
I don't know, sweetie.
333
00:19:05,392 --> 00:19:07,951
Monoethyloxydaze, my friend.
334
00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:11,952
Right, that's it!
335
00:19:13,712 --> 00:19:16,951
Wait, Ronnie. Get off me!
336
00:19:16,952 --> 00:19:18,191
All right.
337
00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:20,151
I'm so sorry, girls.
338
00:19:20,152 --> 00:19:23,311
I got behind on the rent, so I tried
to gamble back the difference.
339
00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,111
It's so stupid of me!
340
00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:27,751
Mr Wakely, now a good time?
341
00:19:27,752 --> 00:19:31,631
Certainly is.
342
00:19:31,632 --> 00:19:35,632
�5,000, less my fee of �200.
343
00:19:35,912 --> 00:19:37,871
Nice doing business with you.
344
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,031
What?
345
00:19:39,032 --> 00:19:42,031
There's the rent you owe, plus
enough to cover your gambling debt.
346
00:19:42,032 --> 00:19:43,671
But this makes us partners.
347
00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:45,671
What?
348
00:19:45,672 --> 00:19:47,991
Look, when I figured out they
were coming for the hall,
349
00:19:47,992 --> 00:19:49,311
I set up the pub quiz.
350
00:19:49,312 --> 00:19:51,831
So, I appointed Sloman
as the quizmaster
351
00:19:51,832 --> 00:19:54,951
and blackmailed him into
including our first question.
352
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:58,952
I knew he'd share it
with the tortoise team.
353
00:20:00,912 --> 00:20:03,991
You see, the thing with the pub
quiz is everybody tries to cheat.
354
00:20:03,992 --> 00:20:06,871
The only way to guarantee a win is
to prove that everybody cheated
355
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,872
except you, then no matter how you
do you're the team left standing.
356
00:20:11,352 --> 00:20:14,311
I needed us to lose and for
it to look authentic, that way
357
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:18,151
my lawyer had a clear path to
victory with one correct answer.
358
00:20:18,152 --> 00:20:21,351
But hang on, you said you gave
Sloman a wrong answer to the
359
00:20:21,352 --> 00:20:22,591
cleaning product question.
360
00:20:22,592 --> 00:20:24,231
So, the answer in the envelope...?
361
00:20:24,232 --> 00:20:26,151
Very sharp, Ronnie.
362
00:20:26,152 --> 00:20:29,311
You're just a pretty face too.
363
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,911
That's where it got tricky.
364
00:20:30,912 --> 00:20:33,711
I had to climb down the wall,
cut out the back of the envelope
365
00:20:33,712 --> 00:20:36,151
and substitute the right
answer for them to cross check
366
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:39,591
when they discovered the cheating.
367
00:20:39,592 --> 00:20:42,591
I think Dru may be the main one.
368
00:20:42,592 --> 00:20:45,831
Or wait, so if you part
own the bingo hall can
369
00:20:45,832 --> 00:20:48,151
we please be house band, please?
370
00:20:48,152 --> 00:20:50,831
Oh, I don't know, we're pretty shit.
371
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,752
I tell you what,
I'll let us audition.
372
00:21:01,112 --> 00:21:04,071
Gucci carriage, pulled
by One Direction
373
00:21:04,072 --> 00:21:07,111
And a few more A-cup bras
to add to my collection
374
00:21:07,112 --> 00:21:09,591
We don't just want one
party, we want plenty
375
00:21:09,592 --> 00:21:10,751
The girls want to be us
376
00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:13,031
How you gonna tell me
Diddy got his son a Bentley
377
00:21:13,032 --> 00:21:14,431
And I got a Prius
378
00:21:14,432 --> 00:21:17,551
Mum, that's not fair, gonna
kill myself and you don't care
379
00:21:17,552 --> 00:21:19,471
Should've got me Dappy from N-Dubz
380
00:21:19,472 --> 00:21:21,151
Instead of H from S Club
381
00:21:21,152 --> 00:21:22,231
It's Steps
382
00:21:22,232 --> 00:21:24,671
Wanted an Iphone 64, you
said, you had one sorted
383
00:21:24,672 --> 00:21:27,631
You got an Iphone 32, bitch,
you should get deported
384
00:21:27,632 --> 00:21:29,471
I asked for coke and tequila
385
00:21:29,472 --> 00:21:31,231
You got sherbet and ribena
386
00:21:31,232 --> 00:21:32,871
I wanted moats and a castle
387
00:21:32,872 --> 00:21:34,511
You got fucking pass the parcel
388
00:21:34,512 --> 00:21:36,351
I know I'm a bit of a brat
389
00:21:36,352 --> 00:21:38,271
But you can't have
a party with that
390
00:21:38,272 --> 00:21:39,831
Do you like when I
look like a twat?
391
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:41,951
When I ask for a dog
and you get me a cat
392
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:43,351
I asked for coke and tequila
393
00:21:43,352 --> 00:21:44,911
You got sherbet and ribena
394
00:21:44,912 --> 00:21:46,631
Gonna get a time machine imported
395
00:21:46,632 --> 00:21:48,431
I'll go back and get aborted
396
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,071
How would that make you feel?
397
00:21:50,072 --> 00:21:51,711
You know how you made me feel?
398
00:21:51,712 --> 00:21:54,191
When you bought me an
automobile in turquoise, Mum,
399
00:21:54,192 --> 00:21:55,591
When it should have been teal
400
00:21:55,592 --> 00:21:56,791
It's my party
401
00:21:56,792 --> 00:21:58,511
It's my party
402
00:21:58,512 --> 00:22:00,231
It's my party
403
00:22:00,232 --> 00:22:02,391
It's my party
404
00:22:02,392 --> 00:22:06,392
You would cry too if
it happened to you!
405
00:22:09,032 --> 00:22:12,311
It's my birthday, it's my birthday
406
00:22:12,312 --> 00:22:15,751
Spoilt bitch contest,
I'm in first place
407
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,671
It's all about party swag
408
00:22:17,672 --> 00:22:19,431
It's all about party, slag
409
00:22:19,432 --> 00:22:21,111
The party you wish you had
410
00:22:21,112 --> 00:22:22,951
The party that's paid for by Dad
411
00:22:22,952 --> 00:22:24,631
Shaking your fatty bombatty
412
00:22:24,632 --> 00:22:26,151
Like Lindsay Lohan
413
00:22:26,152 --> 00:22:29,431
Drunk drive my daddy
Bucatti like Lindsay Lohan
414
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:31,191
Or Paris Hilton
415
00:22:31,192 --> 00:22:32,991
Hit it like I'm Chris Brown
416
00:22:32,992 --> 00:22:36,071
Drink so much till I'm
yellow like a Simpson
417
00:22:36,072 --> 00:22:37,751
It's my party
418
00:22:37,752 --> 00:22:39,551
It's my party
419
00:22:39,552 --> 00:22:41,351
It's my party
420
00:22:41,352 --> 00:22:43,511
It's my party
421
00:22:43,512 --> 00:22:47,512
You would cry too if
it happened to you
422
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,671
When it comes to my party
423
00:22:51,672 --> 00:22:53,311
Everybody better come early
424
00:22:53,312 --> 00:22:54,871
I invited everybody to my Sweet 16
425
00:22:54,872 --> 00:22:56,351
They turned up when I turned up
426
00:22:56,352 --> 00:22:57,751
Don't check Wikipedia, nope
427
00:22:57,752 --> 00:23:00,391
Everybody lies to the media, tell
them what they want to hear
428
00:23:00,392 --> 00:23:03,111
You're not fat, you're
curvy, aren't you, Amelia
429
00:23:03,112 --> 00:23:05,151
I said, scratch, itch,
it doesn't hurt to dance
430
00:23:05,152 --> 00:23:07,311
It doesn't matter if you
haven't got a perfect ah
431
00:23:07,312 --> 00:23:09,071
So sweet, everybody
deserves a chance
432
00:23:09,072 --> 00:23:11,111
Under the circumcision,
I meant circumstance
433
00:23:11,112 --> 00:23:12,351
They say I'm rude and mental
434
00:23:12,352 --> 00:23:14,031
I make them feel
the love for one hour
435
00:23:14,032 --> 00:23:15,471
I said, you, me bedroom
436
00:23:15,472 --> 00:23:17,551
She said what's the magic
word? I said "voila"
437
00:23:17,552 --> 00:23:18,911
It's my party
438
00:23:18,912 --> 00:23:20,431
It's my party
439
00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:22,231
It's my party
440
00:23:22,232 --> 00:23:24,671
It's my party
441
00:23:24,672 --> 00:23:28,672
? You would cry too
if it happened to you! ?
442
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:02,366
So, what do you think? Can we
please be the house band, please?
443
00:24:02,416 --> 00:24:06,966
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