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1
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,586
Why are we in a car park, again?
2
00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:43,476
Feels like a really weird place to be
doing a photo shoot for a TV show.
3
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,354
We're here cos bands are like cars.
4
00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:47,097
Yeah, that's what I thought.
5
00:00:47,098 --> 00:00:48,453
Who are those guys?
6
00:00:48,454 --> 00:00:51,645
They're called Shadow Rack.
They're on the same show as you.
7
00:00:51,646 --> 00:00:54,758
This is amazing, Chevy.
Are we doing a proper TV appearance?
8
00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:56,545
Why are they so moody?
9
00:00:56,546 --> 00:00:58,287
Did you say something funny,
little boy-band fellow?
10
00:00:58,288 --> 00:01:00,008
No, sorry. Sorry, man.
11
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,206
Yeah, he did.
12
00:01:01,207 --> 00:01:04,226
He was wondering why you're so aggro when
you're clearly using your mum's make-up.
13
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:07,698
That's rich, coming from a bunch
of X Factor rejects.
14
00:01:07,699 --> 00:01:11,576
Look at you! You're like star
students from the school of wankers.
15
00:01:11,577 --> 00:01:13,267
No offence, but when you play,
16
00:01:13,268 --> 00:01:15,077
do you even have
a message for the kids?
17
00:01:15,078 --> 00:01:16,699
Apart from that message being...
18
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,905
? We are really shit. ?
19
00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:25,331
So sad. You've got no identity,
no coherent identity at all.
20
00:01:25,332 --> 00:01:28,687
Actually,
I think you'll find we've got three.
21
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:32,878
Wow, great comeback, guys.
Fucking boy band!
22
00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:34,998
Let me guess. You're
the brainless fuck doll, yeah?
23
00:01:35,082 --> 00:01:36,165
Like the sexy one?
24
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:36,728
Yeah.
25
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:39,982
Maybe if you were a
12-year-old girl with issues. Ooh!
26
00:01:39,983 --> 00:01:42,386
I think you'll find you're
the fuck doll in this equation.
27
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,915
Oh, do you like equations, do you?
Well, here's one for you.
28
00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:48,213
Er... spliff plus pizza equals you,
fatty!
29
00:01:48,214 --> 00:01:50,943
Easy on the band, toothy pegs.
30
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,650
Back up, baby Bez!
31
00:01:52,651 --> 00:01:55,522
All right, Gimli!
32
00:01:55,523 --> 00:01:58,506
Don't worry about it.
They stand for nothing at all.
33
00:01:58,507 --> 00:02:01,106
When we play,
we're saving the world, yeah?
34
00:02:01,107 --> 00:02:03,995
But you're not a band, you're
a bland. You're ear fluff.
35
00:02:03,996 --> 00:02:05,592
Ugh! What's this?
36
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,602
Hey, Shadow Rack, amazing as ever.
37
00:02:07,603 --> 00:02:09,531
Midnight, you're up.
38
00:02:09,532 --> 00:02:11,534
Don't break the lens, hey?
39
00:02:21,884 --> 00:02:23,534
Man, you really are shit.
40
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,745
Don't let them get under your skin.
They sound like dicks.
41
00:02:40,205 --> 00:02:41,273
Damn straight.
42
00:02:41,274 --> 00:02:42,230
True, that.
43
00:02:42,231 --> 00:02:44,478
Knee drop!
44
00:02:44,479 --> 00:02:45,128
What?
45
00:02:45,129 --> 00:02:47,468
I'm just joining in.
46
00:02:51,086 --> 00:02:54,841
? Cos I'm quirky
47
00:02:56,064 --> 00:02:58,192
? Cos I'm quirky
48
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:02,321
? Cos I'm quirky
49
00:03:02,322 --> 00:03:04,525
? When I'm 30
Why?
50
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:05,829
? Cos I'm quirky
51
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:08,925
? Not married but I wear
a wedding ring on my hand
52
00:03:08,926 --> 00:03:13,185
? I go to sleep when I want
cos I don't have bedtime plans
53
00:03:13,186 --> 00:03:16,361
? Don't obey by the rules
Sometimes I don't even care
54
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,632
? If I'm out eating at a buffet
I'll have more than my share
55
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:20,801
? What?
56
00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,285
? I'm a bad influence
57
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,415
? Don't hang around with me
58
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,901
? I ride my bike on the pavement
Wear my clothes in the shower
59
00:03:25,902 --> 00:03:27,435
? I'm straight-up crazy
60
00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:28,967
? I've got a beard
61
00:03:28,968 --> 00:03:29,480
? I've got an Afro
62
00:03:29,481 --> 00:03:31,234
? I've got eyebrows that rock!
63
00:03:31,235 --> 00:03:35,172
? So if you want to out-quirky us
then take your best shot!
64
00:03:38,223 --> 00:03:39,921
? I don't sing in tune
65
00:03:39,922 --> 00:03:41,510
? Why? Cos I'm quirky
66
00:03:41,511 --> 00:03:43,682
? Backwards lyrics my of all rap I
67
00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,435
? Cos I'm quirky
68
00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:46,936
? I sip my coffee through a straw
69
00:03:46,937 --> 00:03:49,058
? Bitch!
? Cos I'm quirky
70
00:03:49,059 --> 00:03:52,009
? And I'll still rock a cap
when I'm 30
71
00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:54,340
? Why?
Cos I'm quirky
72
00:03:54,341 --> 00:03:58,999
? The other day I had a piece of
toast but I didn't even butter it
73
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,740
? It tasted gross!
74
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:04,153
? I don't care what I do!
I'm a real live wire!
75
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:08,033
? I hold a match till it burns!
I'm playing with fire!
76
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:11,605
? Fuck vegetables!
I don't eat none of that shit!
77
00:04:11,606 --> 00:04:15,212
? Fuck education!
I don't study one little bit!
78
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,937
? Fuck the Fonz!
79
00:04:16,938 --> 00:04:19,144
? He thinks he's fucking cooler
than me!
80
00:04:19,145 --> 00:04:22,661
? And fuck singing this song!
Cos I'm too quirky to sing!
81
00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:28,647
? I wear red and pink! Why?
82
00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:29,843
? Cos I'm quirky
83
00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:32,128
? I greet you with a goodbye
84
00:04:32,129 --> 00:04:33,450
? Cos I'm quirky
85
00:04:33,451 --> 00:04:35,717
? I have 11 beers a day! Why?
86
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:36,926
? Cos I'm quir... ?
87
00:04:37,012 --> 00:04:38,662
No, that just makes you an
alcoholic.
88
00:04:38,663 --> 00:04:41,800
? And I'll still have a beard when
I'm 30
89
00:04:41,801 --> 00:04:43,426
? Why?
Cos I'm quirky
90
00:04:43,427 --> 00:04:45,149
? Ripping a hole in your jeans
91
00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,871
? Owning a pink limousine
92
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:50,381
? Learning to ride a unicycle
while you're dressed as the Queen
93
00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,424
? Fighting a bear with one hand
94
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,291
? Getting a full-body tan
95
00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:57,673
? Joining a post-apocalyptic
Gothic hardcore band
96
00:04:57,674 --> 00:05:01,377
? I like Home Alone 3
Cos I'm quirky
97
00:05:01,378 --> 00:05:03,550
? I'm drinking peppermint tea
98
00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:04,856
? Cos I'm quirky
99
00:05:04,857 --> 00:05:07,203
? I've got a picture of
the Hoff, see?
100
00:05:07,204 --> 00:05:08,615
? Cos I'm quirky
101
00:05:08,616 --> 00:05:11,254
? And I'll still rock a cap
when I'm 30
102
00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:14,065
? Why?
Cos I'm quirky! ?
103
00:05:17,031 --> 00:05:19,870
I'm gonna go write some music.
104
00:05:19,871 --> 00:05:22,361
I'm gonna get laid.
105
00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:25,695
And I'm gonna go and smoke
this rather strong spliff.
106
00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:30,223
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... ?
107
00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:32,417
No.
108
00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:35,795
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I'm with my best friend
109
00:05:35,796 --> 00:05:37,742
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
110
00:05:37,743 --> 00:05:39,785
? We're having fun
111
00:05:39,786 --> 00:05:41,717
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
112
00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:43,327
? With my... ?
113
00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:46,488
'You've got no identity,
no coherent identity at all.
114
00:05:46,489 --> 00:05:49,129
'At all. At all...'
115
00:05:50,158 --> 00:05:52,327
This sucks. We suck.
116
00:05:52,328 --> 00:05:54,433
'You're ear fluff. Ear fluff.'
117
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:55,526
We are ear fluff.
118
00:05:55,527 --> 00:05:56,557
'Ear fluff...'
119
00:05:56,558 --> 00:05:57,741
Our music has no identity.
120
00:05:57,742 --> 00:06:00,659
We need to do something different
with our look, like Lady Gaga.
121
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:04,088
Stef, you've tried hiding your penis
before. It just doesn't suit you.
122
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:07,059
No, I mean how Gaga adds
a bit of theatre to her shows,
123
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,433
and sings about things
that really matter.
124
00:06:10,743 --> 00:06:13,933
'Maybe if you're a
12-year-old girl with issues, issues...'
125
00:06:13,934 --> 00:06:14,687
It's OK, babe.
126
00:06:14,776 --> 00:06:15,948
'..Issues...'
127
00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:18,785
I've had it happen to loads of guys.
I think it's sweet
128
00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:22,009
It's not you.
129
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:26,189
It's just this thing about 12-year-old
girls that's got me really worked up.
130
00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,443
Sicko!
131
00:06:28,444 --> 00:06:30,321
I'm not into 12-year-olds!
132
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:36,051
Women trouble?
You've come to the right place.
133
00:06:36,052 --> 00:06:38,089
Step inside, Ash.
134
00:06:39,913 --> 00:06:41,794
'Well, here's one for you.
135
00:06:41,795 --> 00:06:45,354
'Spliff plus pizza equals you,
fatty.
136
00:06:45,355 --> 00:06:47,904
'Fatty! Fatty!'
137
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:54,879
Oh, I've been there, Ashley.
138
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,162
Yeah, believe me.
139
00:06:57,163 --> 00:07:00,417
The penis is a highly
intelligent organ.
140
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:02,379
It senses betrayal.
141
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,837
It has a keen eye for
a woman's scorn.
142
00:07:04,838 --> 00:07:06,886
It can sniff it from a mile away.
143
00:07:08,864 --> 00:07:11,283
That's why we need to drug it.
144
00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:12,364
Drug my penis?
145
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,170
Yeah, it's a bit like
getting it drunk.
146
00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:18,789
Lowers the standards
and stops it over-thinking things.
147
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:27,180
I call it "the divorcee".
148
00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:35,250
Stef, I'm fine with you experimenting with
your image, but buy your own eyeliner.
149
00:07:35,251 --> 00:07:37,660
That stuff is really expensive.
150
00:07:37,661 --> 00:07:39,368
Why's it called Irony, anyway?
151
00:07:39,369 --> 00:07:41,544
It's made by blind people in Laos.
152
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,732
That's terrible. It's horrible.
153
00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:46,389
Very good at what they do.
154
00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,529
I've got it.
155
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:51,033
We're becoming a politically
motivated hardcore band,
156
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:55,965
singing about eyeliner injustice all
over the world and... other stuff.
157
00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:57,782
Ash! Ash, get in here!
158
00:07:57,783 --> 00:07:59,602
Nearly there! Nearly there!
159
00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:02,187
Aa-aa-ah!
160
00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:04,391
I just turned the light on
with my dick.
161
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:06,880
Why did you do that?
162
00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,144
Because I can.
163
00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:10,040
You can go faster than that!
164
00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,045
Look at the monsters! Shit.
165
00:08:11,128 --> 00:08:12,960
The monsters are gonna get you!
Quicker!
166
00:08:12,961 --> 00:08:15,692
Quicker! A lot quicker!
Quicker! Quicker! Quicker!
167
00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:17,508
Mm! Mm! Mm!
168
00:08:17,509 --> 00:08:19,364
And cool down!
169
00:08:21,423 --> 00:08:23,283
Well, it's one minute.
170
00:08:23,284 --> 00:08:25,807
So, you've run the length of three
buses.
171
00:08:25,808 --> 00:08:28,615
Got to be...
172
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:31,101
easier... way.
173
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:34,836
What you need is some steroids.
174
00:08:34,837 --> 00:08:35,804
Give me.
175
00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:38,508
There might be some side effects.
176
00:08:38,509 --> 00:08:41,076
You know, a bit of anger.
But you'll be all right.
177
00:08:41,077 --> 00:08:42,943
What..ever.
178
00:08:48,624 --> 00:08:49,605
What's going on with you?
179
00:08:49,682 --> 00:08:50,922
What's going on with that?
180
00:08:50,923 --> 00:08:52,534
Point it somewhere else!
181
00:08:52,535 --> 00:08:56,506
It won't go down. It's really sensitive.
Just a little bit of friction and...
182
00:08:56,507 --> 00:08:58,649
Oh!
Stop that. No, no.
183
00:08:58,650 --> 00:08:59,788
Don't tell me. Ugh!
184
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,920
I can't believe I just saw your
come face. That was awful.
185
00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:04,150
Why are your eyes bigger?
186
00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:05,952
It's part of the tough new look.
187
00:09:05,953 --> 00:09:08,602
We're becoming a politically
motivated hardcore band.
188
00:09:08,603 --> 00:09:11,732
Shadow Rack are gonna get
blown away by our coherentness.
189
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:15,613
How's the anger working for you,
Dru?
190
00:09:15,614 --> 00:09:19,135
Fucking stupid
ball I'm gonna smash its hair out
191
00:09:19,136 --> 00:09:22,830
and then you can inject some more
of your angry juice into my butt!
192
00:09:22,831 --> 00:09:25,617
It's all right, mate.
It's not like it sounds.
193
00:09:25,618 --> 00:09:26,574
Fucking...
194
00:09:27,703 --> 00:09:29,558
Ugh. Aah!
195
00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:35,681
So, what do you think?
Pretty coherent, right?
196
00:09:35,682 --> 00:09:38,376
Well, I've strapped it down,
but it itches every time I walk.
197
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,212
So, mixed feelings really.
198
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,239
Why the fuck do you look like that?
199
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,312
Loving the anger, man.
200
00:09:44,313 --> 00:09:46,441
Stef's written us a new song.
It's called Sensible Shit.
201
00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:47,743
Censor Shit.
202
00:10:03,591 --> 00:10:04,994
Hang on. What is that?
203
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,230
It's the saxophone.
204
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,243
It looks shit. It's not even metal.
205
00:10:09,244 --> 00:10:10,361
It's got some metal on it.
206
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:11,519
No, dude, it's wrong.
207
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,994
All right,
I'll make it even more hardcore.
208
00:10:13,995 --> 00:10:15,715
Yeah, I've got something in the van.
209
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:17,050
You won't be disappointed.
210
00:10:26,378 --> 00:10:28,779
? Swearing in the name of
211
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:35,185
? Nothing!
212
00:10:35,186 --> 00:10:36,312
? Get so much pussy
213
00:10:36,313 --> 00:10:37,867
? They should call me a vet
214
00:10:37,868 --> 00:10:40,706
? Your mum called
Asking if I knew her name yet
215
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,882
? I want revolution
But I don't know what it means!
216
00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:47,727
? I'd never sleep with an animal
that was under 16
217
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:51,177
? Fuck you!
I never do what I'm told
218
00:10:51,178 --> 00:10:53,408
? Fuck you!
My dick is made out of gold
219
00:10:53,409 --> 00:10:55,567
? Fuck you! Fuck you!
220
00:10:55,568 --> 00:10:57,159
? Don't give me this shit!
221
00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,366
? Fuck you! And fucking censor shit!
222
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:05,367
? Fuck you! I'll never do
what I'm told
223
00:11:12,558 --> 00:11:15,589
? Wish that I hated my dad
but he's not that bad
224
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:18,685
? I've got a microphone
and testosterone
225
00:11:18,686 --> 00:11:20,442
? I'm just an angry guy!
226
00:11:20,443 --> 00:11:22,293
? But I don't know why!
227
00:11:22,294 --> 00:11:23,711
? I hate everything!
228
00:11:23,712 --> 00:11:26,010
? Swearing in the name of nothing! ?
229
00:11:28,677 --> 00:11:31,407
We'd better go.
It's time to blow Shadow Rack away.
230
00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:34,742
And tear the TV audience's
fucking heads off!
231
00:11:34,743 --> 00:11:35,835
What's the show again?
232
00:11:35,836 --> 00:11:38,425
It's called Animals Of Music.
How heavy is that?
233
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,984
Come in, everybody!
234
00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:45,110
? Hiding in big trees
deep in the blue sea
235
00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:48,460
? Some of them tall
and some of them small
236
00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:51,684
? Singing their song wherever they go
237
00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:54,749
? You can sing too with
the animals... ? Hello, panda!
238
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:56,504
? The animals... ?
Hello, monkey!
239
00:11:56,505 --> 00:12:01,290
? The Animals Of Music show. ?
240
00:12:01,291 --> 00:12:03,014
Fuck everything! Yeah!
241
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,403
Yeah!
242
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,598
Aaah! Oh! Oh!
243
00:12:16,643 --> 00:12:19,253
Mate, you're coming more
than a porn star in debt.
244
00:12:19,436 --> 00:12:22,640
I can't help it. These rubber
trousers keep rubbing me off.
245
00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:27,159
Oh, look who we have here!
The newly coherent Midnight Yeast
246
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,965
Wow, you look hardcore.
But that won't help you, bitches.
247
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,508
I've got it, guys. So, what's in
the big box that's clearly so cool?
248
00:12:33,509 --> 00:12:36,683
Well, I would tell you, but it
involves a few long words, Socrates.
249
00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:41,326
So, you're dissing my socks now?
Huh! Lame-o alert! Ha-ha-ha!
250
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:45,228
Yeah, right. Well, see you later,
little Goth rejects.
251
00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:47,710
And, by the way, great integrity.
252
00:12:47,711 --> 00:12:52,243
Integrity? That's not even a word! Ha-ha!
Yeah, that's right, you're an...
253
00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:53,346
Aaah!
254
00:12:53,347 --> 00:12:56,364
Ash, how are you gonna perform
if you jizz every five minutes?
255
00:12:56,365 --> 00:12:59,570
I need to reduce the friction.
Like lie down, sit down, crawl.
256
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,218
Oh, hey, guys.
I'm Sadie, the presenter.
257
00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:05,425
We've got a break while Shadow Rack
set up. They're going to roll tunes.
258
00:13:05,688 --> 00:13:07,507
Do you guys party?
259
00:13:07,508 --> 00:13:08,782
What, like a birthday party?
260
00:13:08,783 --> 00:13:11,371
Yeah, right. Come on in.
261
00:13:11,372 --> 00:13:13,079
Awesome.
262
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:18,260
Three in the afternoon shots.
Loving the look, boys.
263
00:13:18,323 --> 00:13:19,381
This is just who we are.
264
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,625
Yeah?
265
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:22,187
We sleep like this.
266
00:13:22,188 --> 00:13:23,740
Yeah?
267
00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:27,887
Yeah, my husband used to be hardcore
before he got chubby and lost it.
268
00:13:27,888 --> 00:13:30,629
But, anyway, down in one, yeah?
269
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,307
Obviously.
270
00:13:32,308 --> 00:13:34,006
Ugh! Oh! Ah.
271
00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:35,847
Oh, not strong enough, that
272
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,987
Oh, I need this.
273
00:13:37,988 --> 00:13:39,661
It's like a zoo out there.
274
00:13:39,662 --> 00:13:43,626
The kind of animals we have on this
show. Oh, you have no idea.
275
00:13:43,627 --> 00:13:46,714
You do it for the kids,
though, right? Keeping it real?
276
00:13:46,715 --> 00:13:50,672
Yeah, exactly!
You can get changed in here.
277
00:13:50,673 --> 00:13:54,655
Fucking shrinking budgets on this show
means we've only got one dressing room.
278
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,496
I've got to get back out there.
279
00:13:59,497 --> 00:14:02,148
Don't forget to smile
for the cameras.
280
00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:06,151
What does she mean, get changed?
281
00:14:06,152 --> 00:14:07,618
No idea.
282
00:14:07,619 --> 00:14:10,108
She is fit. My balls are hurting.
283
00:14:10,109 --> 00:14:12,505
Surely you can't have
anything left in 'em.
284
00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:16,235
It's probably just a puff of wind
and a creaky noise when you jizz.
285
00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:19,125
Now get out of me way. I just wanna
see what she's got on that shelf.
286
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,947
It's these trousers, man. I need
to cut a hole in them, or something.
287
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,741
What, and sit there with your
dick hanging out live on television?
288
00:14:24,742 --> 00:14:27,151
Look, guys, we're on in two minutes.
289
00:14:27,152 --> 00:14:30,198
Find something cool and
hardcore-looking to hide your boner in.
290
00:14:30,199 --> 00:14:32,931
We need a fuck-off attitude
when we're up there on stage.
291
00:14:32,932 --> 00:14:35,452
Come on, boys,
let's do national television!
292
00:14:35,453 --> 00:14:36,500
Yeah!
293
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:42,012
Aaah! I'll catch you up.
I'll just look for something.
294
00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,391
She made me angry!
Everybody's making me fucking angry!
295
00:14:44,392 --> 00:14:45,932
We've gotta keep it intimidating.
296
00:14:45,933 --> 00:14:48,247
Guys! Guys! I've just seen the set
297
00:14:48,248 --> 00:14:51,341
Have you checked your passes?
Animals Of Music?
298
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:53,038
Yeah, hardcore! Grrr!
299
00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:56,670
No, Stef, animals as in cats,
pigs and shiny cuddly goldfish.
300
00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:58,563
It's a kids' TV show.
301
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,788
Stef, you're playing to children.
302
00:15:00,789 --> 00:15:02,160
Look at the puppets!
303
00:15:02,161 --> 00:15:06,279
? We like the sky blue
You know what to do
304
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,768
? Take my advice and... ?
305
00:15:08,769 --> 00:15:10,393
Look at them! Lame!
306
00:15:10,394 --> 00:15:13,713
Dude, that's Shadow Rack.
We've got to do that too!
307
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:15,635
? ..And other swell things
308
00:15:15,636 --> 00:15:19,379
? We'll preserve
the planet for you... ?
309
00:15:20,799 --> 00:15:22,731
Er... yeah. Er... I was gonna...
310
00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:25,011
Right, they asked me,
"Do kids like ya?"
311
00:15:25,012 --> 00:15:27,231
I was like, "Yeah, man,
they're down with the kids."
312
00:15:27,232 --> 00:15:32,064
But I thought they meant kids-kids,
like teenagers, not fucking infants!
313
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,107
Have you not heard Censor Shit?
314
00:15:34,108 --> 00:15:36,725
It's mostly angry swearing!
I'll have to rewrite it!
315
00:15:36,726 --> 00:15:40,155
One minute to Midnight Beast.
316
00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:41,770
In one minute!
317
00:15:41,771 --> 00:15:45,340
'Some animals only exist
after midnight!'
318
00:15:45,341 --> 00:15:48,198
What kind of beast
am I talking about?
319
00:15:48,199 --> 00:15:53,239
The Midnight Beast! Hooray!
320
00:15:54,724 --> 00:15:59,000
Move, lion! Go on, all of you!
You all displease me!
321
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,010
Little bit cross! Ha-ha!
322
00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,168
Hello, Sadie.
323
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,226
Hello!
324
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:06,404
Hi. Um... sorry about
him. Um... Ashley's just coming.
325
00:16:06,405 --> 00:16:07,746
He's on his way.
326
00:16:07,747 --> 00:16:12,298
I'm here! I had to cut a hole. This is the
only thing I could find to put on it.
327
00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:17,127
Oh, you've got a little friend!
Ha-ha!
328
00:16:17,128 --> 00:16:18,120
Sorry it's not more hardcore.
329
00:16:18,201 --> 00:16:19,853
No, dude, that's hardcore!
330
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,224
Yeah. And talking of hardcore,
it's time for our hardcore intro!
331
00:16:22,225 --> 00:16:23,548
No, mate, we've changed.
332
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,607
We are the motherfucking...
333
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,993
God! I need animal noises now!
334
00:16:26,994 --> 00:16:28,064
Suck my...
335
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:30,173
Wow!
336
00:16:30,174 --> 00:16:31,631
Wow!
337
00:16:31,632 --> 00:16:32,704
Wow! Yeah!
338
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:34,639
We need more delay
on this live transmission.
339
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,893
What about a song for all
the children watching at home?
340
00:16:38,894 --> 00:16:40,265
This is for children?
341
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,262
Yes. Hello, children! Ha-ha!
342
00:16:42,263 --> 00:16:45,978
I'm going to get Big Brown Bear.
He would love to hear a song!
343
00:16:45,979 --> 00:16:49,449
Just sing the new lyrics, mate, hm?
344
00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:53,797
Play that song, Mr... Bear.
345
00:16:53,798 --> 00:16:54,816
What is this?
346
00:16:54,817 --> 00:16:56,069
Sing it, read it.
347
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:57,437
OK.
348
00:17:00,006 --> 00:17:02,501
? I like cats
They should call me a vet
349
00:17:02,502 --> 00:17:05,306
? Your mum's nice
so I treat her with respoct
350
00:17:05,307 --> 00:17:08,704
? Respect I hate cabbages, man
They make me really mean
351
00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:12,115
? I'd never eat my dinner
if there were too many greens!
352
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:14,641
? I'm so happy to do
what you tell me!
353
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:18,626
? Yee-ha! I'm gonna do
what you tell me! Dru!
354
00:17:18,627 --> 00:17:21,213
? Gravestones and blood!
355
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:23,573
? Pouring blood
from every orifice... ?
356
00:17:23,574 --> 00:17:26,749
Ash! Ash, maybe you have a go.
357
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:30,105
? Happiness and clouds
and rainbows all around me
358
00:17:30,106 --> 00:17:32,086
? Loads of flowers
Loads of flowers... ?
359
00:17:32,087 --> 00:17:34,235
Cut, this is...
360
00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:36,339
I'm not quite sure what to do next!
361
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:39,899
I've got an idea, I've got an idea.
362
00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:41,574
Excuse me... I'm going to sit down
363
00:17:41,575 --> 00:17:44,238
- and we're going to let Beavy
Weavy sing a song. - What?
364
00:17:44,239 --> 00:17:47,318
We're going to let him sing a song.
Stef, voice the beaver.
365
00:17:47,319 --> 00:17:48,423
Voice the what?
366
00:17:48,424 --> 00:17:50,714
Voice the beaver. Just play it.
367
00:17:50,715 --> 00:17:51,944
And with me.
368
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:56,348
Let's sing
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!
369
00:17:56,349 --> 00:17:58,855
? Twinkle, twinkle... ?
370
00:17:58,856 --> 00:18:01,939
Night-night, Rabbity Wabbity.
371
00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:04,807
Where's Beavy Weavy?
372
00:18:04,808 --> 00:18:05,969
Dunno. Foxy's here.
373
00:18:05,970 --> 00:18:10,518
? ...Up above the world so high
374
00:18:10,519 --> 00:18:15,004
? Like a diamond in the sky
375
00:18:15,005 --> 00:18:16,211
? Twinkle, twinkle... ?
376
00:18:16,212 --> 00:18:17,690
What? Where's...?
377
00:18:17,691 --> 00:18:25,649
? ..Little star
How I wonder what you are. ?
378
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:28,647
Well, that was great, guys!
379
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:31,025
What do you think, Mr Brown Bear?
380
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,802
Oh, yes! I loved it!
381
00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:35,764
You're mighty big, Mr Brown Bear!
382
00:18:35,765 --> 00:18:38,962
That's right!
I'm feeling very hungry!
383
00:18:38,963 --> 00:18:42,115
I want to gobble something up.
384
00:18:42,116 --> 00:18:44,478
Ooh! You look nice, beaver!
385
00:18:44,479 --> 00:18:45,977
Mm! Just a little nip!
386
00:18:45,978 --> 00:18:47,056
Oh, no! Ah!
387
00:18:47,057 --> 00:18:48,467
Ooh, yes, delicious!
388
00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:49,403
Ooh, yes! Ooh, num, num, num, num!
389
00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:50,578
Stop. Stop nibbling.
390
00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,712
Stop... Stop it! Stop it!
391
00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:55,072
Stop it! Forgive me! Ah! Ahhh!
392
00:19:00,753 --> 00:19:02,403
Fucking run for it, lads!
393
00:19:04,984 --> 00:19:07,487
Revenge for Beavy Weavy! Come on!
394
00:19:07,488 --> 00:19:08,865
Revenge!
395
00:19:10,009 --> 00:19:12,561
Have you seen The Midnight Beast?
They're a band!
396
00:19:12,562 --> 00:19:14,413
They're a shit band!
397
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:16,361
Yes! Fuck's sake!
398
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:17,454
Revenge!
399
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:29,010
You are gonna throw that away,
aren't ya? It's not very hygienic.
400
00:19:29,011 --> 00:19:31,309
I feel like I should at least
make it breakfast before it goes.
401
00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:34,712
The lesson is, don't let a child-friendly
band turn you into idiots.
402
00:19:34,713 --> 00:19:36,212
But I spoke to the NHS.
403
00:19:36,213 --> 00:19:39,317
They said if I jizz with some human
contact involved, rather than on clothes,
404
00:19:39,318 --> 00:19:41,557
I should be fine
in about six orgasms' time.
405
00:19:41,558 --> 00:19:44,109
I should ring up a girl.
I mean...
406
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:47,062
unless you guys can help me out
407
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:51,227
Dude, no! You can do that shit
yourself, using your own hand.
408
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,084
And I thought "wanker"
was just an insult.
409
00:19:57,148 --> 00:19:58,821
This is big news!
410
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:14,748
? Y-Y-Y-You're stressed about
a meeting cos you haven't got a clue
411
00:20:14,749 --> 00:20:17,929
? Your girlfriend won't have sex with
you because she's got the flu
412
00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:21,533
? Your cat won't eat its dinner
cos it doesn't like the taste
413
00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:25,084
? Your parents had a baby
and you're sad you've been replaced
414
00:20:26,795 --> 00:20:28,411
? Act like you mean it
415
00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:32,053
? Don't make a sound
416
00:20:33,243 --> 00:20:35,283
? Keep it a secret
417
00:20:35,284 --> 00:20:36,709
? People in the place
Gotta listen up, right?
418
00:20:36,791 --> 00:20:38,190
? We're gonna get loose
in our pants tonight
419
00:20:38,191 --> 00:20:39,911
? Strategy wanking!
420
00:20:39,912 --> 00:20:41,475
? Oh, oh, oh
421
00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:44,938
? Got to cure your frustration
Oh, oh, oh
422
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:48,506
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
423
00:20:48,507 --> 00:20:51,135
? It's only meditation
424
00:20:54,751 --> 00:20:58,294
? You could've scored the winning
goal, but you missed the shot
425
00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:01,597
? You've seen the monkeys procreating
Boy, it's got you hot
426
00:21:01,598 --> 00:21:04,580
? You owe the mob some money
but you'll never find the cash
427
00:21:04,581 --> 00:21:08,609
? You found out you've got herpes
when you thought it was a rash
428
00:21:09,944 --> 00:21:11,958
? Urge the temptation
429
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,017
? Don't feel ashamed
430
00:21:16,010 --> 00:21:18,432
? Feel the inflation
431
00:21:18,433 --> 00:21:19,687
? People in the place
Put your hands down there
432
00:21:19,774 --> 00:21:21,583
? And shake it all around
like you just don't care
433
00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:24,368
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
434
00:21:24,369 --> 00:21:27,879
? On the corner masturbation
Oh, oh, oh
435
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,102
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
436
00:21:31,103 --> 00:21:34,406
? When the pussy's on vacation
437
00:21:34,407 --> 00:21:38,220
? It's not dumb, it's fun
438
00:21:38,221 --> 00:21:41,268
? It only takes one
439
00:21:41,269 --> 00:21:44,757
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
440
00:21:44,758 --> 00:21:47,573
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh... ?
441
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:49,453
Hallo!
442
00:21:49,454 --> 00:21:51,388
Introducing the new deh Shplash Gard,
443
00:21:51,389 --> 00:21:53,282
Ddone Jhone henne deh-deh de jizzy
444
00:21:53,283 --> 00:21:55,548
jizzy on deh porn
on deh kompootah keyboard
445
00:21:55,549 --> 00:21:57,878
on deh hoen hoen hoen on the floor.
446
00:21:57,879 --> 00:21:59,154
Helleh?
447
00:21:59,155 --> 00:22:00,191
Aha!
448
00:22:00,192 --> 00:22:01,710
Is en beneh...
449
00:22:01,711 --> 00:22:05,027
banti banti banti.
450
00:22:05,028 --> 00:22:06,910
Introduce hor hor.
451
00:22:06,911 --> 00:22:08,668
Ah, meelkeh, meelkeh da pistal.
452
00:22:08,669 --> 00:22:10,197
Oh, oh, oh!
453
00:22:10,198 --> 00:22:13,166
Oh, jizzy, jizzy, skwirtee,
skwirtee, jizzy, jizzy.
454
00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:14,570
Notta problema!
455
00:22:14,571 --> 00:22:17,763
? You hit the floor
456
00:22:17,764 --> 00:22:20,381
? With your new song
457
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,551
? It's immature
458
00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:27,018
? You can't respond
459
00:22:27,019 --> 00:22:30,590
? Tragedy wanking
460
00:22:30,591 --> 00:22:33,512
? Got to pick up the pieces
461
00:22:33,513 --> 00:22:37,421
? They call it tragedy wanking
462
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:40,119
? When you've just been defeated
463
00:22:44,027 --> 00:22:47,186
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
464
00:22:47,187 --> 00:22:51,008
? You won't feel neglected
Oh, oh, oh
465
00:22:51,009 --> 00:22:53,983
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
466
00:22:53,984 --> 00:22:55,873
? You'll never be rejected
467
00:22:57,566 --> 00:23:00,894
? It's not dumb, it's fun
468
00:23:00,895 --> 00:23:04,222
? It only takes one
469
00:23:04,223 --> 00:23:07,293
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh
470
00:23:07,294 --> 00:23:10,628
? Strategy wanking!
Oh, oh, oh. ?
471
00:23:18,017 --> 00:23:21,357
Battersea, hold tight! Battersea
Cats and Dogs Home, get me?
472
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:24,177
Mm. Mm, mm, wankers!
473
00:23:24,178 --> 00:23:26,347
Strategy, all the wanking
all day long.
474
00:23:26,348 --> 00:23:28,387
Eeh, eeh, eeh, eeh, eeh! Wrong hand!
475
00:23:28,388 --> 00:23:30,653
Eeh! Get me?
476
00:23:30,654 --> 00:23:32,749
Wanking and blowing horns! Wankers!
477
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:34,644
Big up, big up!
478
00:23:34,645 --> 00:23:36,562
Massive. Wanking massive wankers.
479
00:23:36,563 --> 00:23:38,304
Don't know. What?
480
00:23:38,354 --> 00:23:42,904
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