Original subtitles

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

WOMAN: (OVER PA) There will be no phone call sign outs.

There'll be no late note takers,

so if you have your notes...

-This one? -Mm-hmm.

(GIRLS WHISPER)

My name is Deryn, and I'm in the 11th grade.

I just don't like school, like normal teenagers do.

(SCHOOL BELL BUZZES)

(STUDENTS CHATTER FAINTLY)

I just kind of like, keep to myself, do my work.

I'm kind of like a quiet person.

(SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES)

(COWS MOO)

(TRACTOR ENGINE WHIRS)

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

Can you come get my legs?

I'm trying to secure them now.

Gotta hike my skirt up.

-Can you do me a favor? -Hmm?

Put your hands inside here, spread it apart.

Yep, both hands in, spread.

Squeeze.

Try to push over.

This way?

I'm trying my best.

-It's all right. -DERYN: It's not working that well.

It hurts.

DERYN: You want me to put my foot down?

CHAZ: Yeah. DERYN: This way?

Yep, just like that.

Got it?

(UPLIFTING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

REPORTER: 65 million people that are taking care of an ill, disabled,

elderly loved one, and it is crushing the American family.

NEWS ANCHOR: Caregiving can be a huge expense for loved ones.

Caregivers for veterans,

who have given up their regular lives to those hurt

in our country's recent wars.

NEWS ANCHOR: Children hear the last school bell of the day

and know their biggest challenge awaits at home.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ryan, you got ready? No.

What did you make, taters?

-Ouch, pizza. -Tacos?

That's our Italiano.

Come here, Chutz.

All right, come here, Bill.

Come on, you know where to go.

DERYN: I get called "the Mom" a lot

because I'm always on top of things,

and I always have extra stuff. I'm like, "You need to wear sunscreen."

"You need to do this, this, and this."

You're ready to go to the store?

Not Chu Chu, you, Chu Chu, you stay.

-You stay here, babe. -Oh, come here, Chu Chu.

Come here, Ginger. You wanna go?

-Come on, Chutz. -Okay, she's going now.

-Come on, Chutz. -She can't...

Oh, God, she's... (LAUGHS)

-Go get them, go get them. -Come on, Chu Chu, let's go in the car.

-CHAZ: Come on. -Yes.

-Oh. -Come on.

(CHU CHU BARKING)

Come on.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

DERYN: Just little things like, "Hey, move that box,"

or, "Hey, make sure he doesn't hit his elbow on the door,"

or, "Hey, make sure to get his bottle, make sure

"it's like not too high up or anything."

It's just like little things that are obviously not that hard.

People aren't used to it.

They'll stand so many feet away, and then every time he moves,

they'll move even further. And it's really funny,

we make it like a game.

Kids will come up to him,

and they'll be like, "How'd you lose your legs?"

And he's like, "Well, I didn't eat my broccoli.

"So make sure to eat your broccoli so you don't lose your legs."

(GRUNTS)

-Thanks, pal. -You're welcome.

Watch your chair, careful. Right, there it is.

Hmm. That tickles.

Okay, give me the legs.

He's just my dad, like, it's normal.

I don't care what people say. He's cool.

JENNA: I was at work when my dad called me

and told me that they were going to have to take his leg.

We didn't know if he was gonna make it.

He was at extremely high risk of having a heart attack.

So I had to leave work, and basically, potentially,

just go say goodbye to my dad.

My dad's dad died when he was 12.

I couldn't imagine... (SNIFFLES)

being that young

and not having him there.

BILL: For 47 years, I've had a right foot,

and been able to drive a truck.

Now, I can't do that.

They put me on disability.

Jenna welcomed it with open arms and said,

"Okay, Dad, I'll do the best I can to help you out."

She makes all my doctor's appointments.

Making sure he has medicine.

She knows more of what medicines I take than I do.

Nineteen different pills along with four shots of insulin daily.

I gotta set this thing,

so it's ready for tomorrow.

Give you all of them.

Let me see your hand. None? Okay.

I know I'm getting to a point in my life,

where I'm gonna be finishing school,

and then I'm gonna have to really start in my career.

I know I want a family,

but I definitely don't want to rush anything.

Because this is what I was supposed to do.

My dad took care of me my first 18 years.

The least I could do is step down on the step

and let him put his hand on my shoulder, you know.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

INTERVIEWER: How strong is your dad?

RHIANNA: Really strong...

like this! (GRUNTS)

-Do you want this? -Yeah.

He looks different than he used to do,

but I still love him.

He's there for me, and he makes me happy.

ROCIO: Thank you.

-Cheers, guys. -ROCIO: Thank you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Physically, Brian can't eat.

Whatever he craves, I eat.

Well, no, I don't like your tongue tacos, lengua,

that I won't eat.

(BRIAN SPEAKS SOFTLY)

(LAUGHING) No, I didn't say that.

But he wants the donut, what does he go do?

He buys me my donut and then he gets whatever he wants to eat.

My weight goes up and down

depending on what he's craving.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Brian, your medicine.

He worked at a call center.

He gave me his number.

Well, he gave his number to his friend to give to me

after he walked out.

But his friend decided to give it to me while he was still there.

So he was shy.

He was getting deployed.

So we basically interacted

by e-mails, letters, phone calls.

That was basically our courtship.

As soon as he got back, we got together, we got engaged.

I got pregnant, we got married.

Then Rhianna was born.

Rhianna, she looks after him a lot.

RHIANNA: I check on with him,

making sure if he's okay.

ROCIO: Occasionally, he experiences people staring.

The ugly stares.

RHIANNA: I'd tell 'em to turn around.

Turn around!

Stop staring at my parents. Please!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

CAMILLE: Is this it right here?

This one?

-I think it's this one. -Yeah, it looks like it.

Yeah, good, yeah.

Hey, Dad, do you wanna do his pills now?

I'm gonna start setting up this one.

Just taking it out

Okay, so this is acetaminophen. How are you feeling

as far as pain?

-'Cause it says... -No pain.

"Take three tablets by mouth every eight hours."

Put it in, yeah.

-Okay. -(CAMILLE LAUGHS)

I make sure my grandfather is comfortable at all times.

Not too hot, not too cold,

almost like a little butler in a way.

All right, here, I got your ears for you.

Yeah.

Go put them over there on the table.

-Put 'em there. -You want 'em over there?

-Yeah, so I can put them in later. -Okay.

It's about the love and the care

and you just have to make sure that you're showing it.

Hey, Pop Pop. Pop Pop, it's time to wake up, all right?

(ROB SR. MUMBLES)

-Okay, there you go. -(MUMBLES)

Okay, good, how are you feeling?

Good, feeling good.

-Okay, come on. -(GRUNTS)

All right.

Very good.

-How'd you sleep? -I slept good tonight,

real good.

All right, very good.

In our family, the loved ones

really had no other option but have family take care of them.

So it was kind of the norm

on my father's side, as well in my mother's side.

But it really fell on the females of the family.

CAMILLE: My dad is always there to make sure

that everything's going well,

that my grandfather is doing fine.

Excellent, all right, breakfast in half hour.

Okay, real good.

Okay, so take your time, get ready, and we'll see you outside.

He works a lot harder than it seems.

Family is number one for him.

He doesn't put anything else before that.

I'd give you a high top fade, but there's nothing high top on there.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

ROB JR.: My mother, she got diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2011.

I never really expected to be

a full-time caregiver to my mother and father,

and then try and juggle work, and a family,

a new family, new child.

Um, so it was like a lot being thrown on my shoulders at once.

Don't forget to shut the door whenever you're done, Dad.

-Okay, very good. -Oh.

Let me step up here real quick.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

-There we go. -Right.

CAMILLE: Watch your knees.

ROB SR.: Okay.

CAMILLE: Do you recognize any of these drills?

ROB SR.: Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of warmup stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Hopefully this season we do well, you know.

Yeah, all right. Are you gonna come

-to some of the games with me? -Oh, yes.

All right.

We have always been kinda close.

He just calls me his little one.

We have this great relationship

that's built on love of football and each other.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

ROB JR.: There was a gentleman's agreement at that time

that no integrated teams played Southern teams.

And it was the Governor of Georgia

who demanded that Georgia Tech not play against Pitt.

And so, there were riots that were going on.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

COMMENTATOR: Grier takes the hand off from Nimm.

Breaks off a left tackle.

Fights his way towards the sideline,

and down to the Tech 28-yard line

for a gain of 18 yards in the play!

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

ROB JR.: Nice catch, Pop Pop.

-All right, ready? -Ready.

-Okay. -Okay.

ROB JR.: Camille, she's 15, about to be 16.

She's very busy,

you know, she's a teenager.

She has friends, and parties to go to,

and activities,

and I understand her life is busy,

but I really appreciate her taking the time to help Dad.

It's important for her to see

just the natural progression of what families have to go through.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

KAMAILE: Oh, Baba, how is it?

-Okay. -What're you up to?

Where's the animals? Rusty.

I'm Kamaile Kapanui.

I'm 26 years old,

and it's getting kinda crazy with Grandpa

just 'cause he's forgetful.

In his world, things are going a little bit differently.

-Okay. -Okay, I'll take him outside.

He's not allowed in here.

(GOAT BLEATS)

(KAMAILE AND BOBBY LAUGH)

Hello.

I try not to leave him at home alone

for more than an hour.

Say goodbye.

KAMAILE: So if I'm not working,

I'm usually hanging out here.

He keeps things kind of tidy, which is nice.

A little bit of help is nice.

Hi, Kaliko. Hi, Kaliko.

Is that green onion?

Yeah, I gotta separate those so it grows better.

Oh...

'Sup, Kamaile?

-What's up? -Grab a shovel.

You're the gardener, not me.

KALEO: I'm 18, I just graduated

from Waimea High School this past year,

and I'm a college student.

I got a two-year scholarship, so we'll see how that goes.

I was full-time, but I cut some classes so I could work.

Maybe when all this is done, probably go up to the mainland.

Here are the AM pills

that he takes as soon as he wakes up.

Here, Papa, some vitamins.

Oh.

KALEO: So my grandpa went all over Japan, Korea.

He used to drive those big trucks

with all the soldiers in the back.

He was the gunman, working the artillery.

Yeah, he just tells me everywhere he went.

I sleep right next to my grandpa just to watch him,

just to make sure he's all good.

Sometimes he wake up three o'clock in the morning,

and he doesn't go back to sleep until 6:00.

So I'm up all night trying to get him to go back to sleep.

I was already watching him before he got dementia.

Everybody knows I take care of my grandpa.

My friends, what's it called?

Spamming my phone, "Oh, when you're gonna come?

"When you're gonna come?"

Maybe not tonight.

Maybe, who knows?

Depending on my grandpa, you know what I mean?

(NOSTALGIC MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: You spray, I clean?

(CHUCKLES)

ROCIO: I can sense when he's not well.

It's not easy caring for somebody who is going through a lot of changes

physically, mentally.

They don't want us to suffer with them,

so they do push us away.

He started having issues with the tonsils.

He was going back to the dentist

and his regular doctor,

and they just kept on giving him antibiotics.

I mean, it wouldn't go away.

And then he started seeing pieces of, I guess...

-(SPEAKING SOFTLY) -Tissue.

You know, from the mouth

that were falling.

That was when we ended up going to the VA.

We got the diagnosis.

Rhianna was months old.

It's a type of cancer that not a guy his age would have.

The doctor said it is service-related.

NEWS ANCHOR: Veterans who served in the Middle East,

along with some private contractors

are complaining of breathing problems

associated with large areas of burning garbage.

NEWS REPORTER: At some of the military bases

throughout those regions, waste materials were disposed of

in so-called burn pits.

Breathing fumes from those fires appears to have damaged

the health of countless veterans.

INTERVIEWER: What were some of the things

you remember seeing that were being thrown in

before you would set the flame?

Um...

ROCIO: Body parts, Styrofoam,

stuff that you shouldn't be burning up.

INTERVIEWER: And then what do you put on top?

Diesel fuel to light it up.

INTERVIEWER: Masks?

ROCIO: His health has gone up and down.

It's been one diagnosis after another diagnosis.

And then just certain things that we had never expected

for us to go through.

When he was taking a shower,

and, um, he realized his hair... (VOICE BREAKS)

And he realized his hair was falling,

to hear him cry,

I think that was the hardest for me

'cause he's strong,

and just to see him break...

broke me.

I offered to cut my hair, but... (SNIFFLES)

...he's like, "No."

I let him know, you know, "We're with you,

"and we're not going anywhere."

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

Rhianna, she's very strong,

and she's always defending him,

looking after him.

She doesn't show her weak side

regardless of the situation.

RHIANNA: Oh, it's hard for people to understand him.

When he's trying to say something,

they're like, "I can't hear you,

"Say that one more time."

And then they said that thing what he's actually saying,

they say, "Oh, I get it now."

Are you gonna go? You're gonna go with us?

Yes, okay, okay.

It's time to go to school, let's go.

ROCIO: She has ADHD, and she is on the spectrum.

Because of her disability, and her learning and speech,

kids tend to make fun of her and call her names.

The sweater, right now, okay.

And there was a couple of occasions

where we both witnessed some of the bullying,

and we would bring it up to the attention of the principal,

and they would like, "Oh, well,

"I need to get the story from the other student."

I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

"I just saw how it happened."

Rhianna, time to go to bed.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

I feel like because of everything,

we've neglected her.

Not on purpose of course,

but because, you know, I've had to stay in the hospital

to take care of him.

(KISSES)

-Go to sleep now. -RHIANNA: Okay.

-Sweet dreams. -RHIANNA: Okay.

ROCIO: Those were her years of her development.

(MARCHING BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

Want a program? Do y'all want the program?

(CROWD CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER: (ON SPEAKERS) Welcome to Warren County High School,

home of the Pioneers.

(MARCHING BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

JESSICA: A lot of times people can see the veteran,

they can see the wounds,

and they think they can understand.

But they're so focused on the veteran, they don't think about who else

is affected by the veteran's wounds.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(CHEERLEADERS CHANT INDISTINCTLY)

JESSICA: After Chaz got hurt, it was a whole new way of life.

CHAZ: I was a staff sergeant in the US Army infantry.

I was in Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan.

We're right here currently.

When you have a task and a purpose,

it's 100%, 200% go.

...easy.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

All right, they're gonna pass through us, so, uh...

(EXPLOSION)

(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)

Call security!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

-Let's go. -Hurry up, Doc!

JESSICA: They told me he was dead.

I mean, they literally told me he was dead.

So I was at the absolute bottom.

You know, when we found out his brain was okay,

everything was good.

I looked at Deryn and I said, "Dad's gonna come home."

And she goes, "There's something wrong with his legs."

And I said, "Yeah, they're gone."

And she's like, "What do you mean?"

And I said, "Your dad stepped on a bomb, big explosion."

He was so catastrophically wounded,

there was no way he could be a dad.

So we didn't bring the girls to even see him until March,

when he was feeling better.

DERYN: And as soon as I saw him, and I was like, "Oh, it's just Dad."

A few days after that, I was like, "I wanna help him."

I'm gonna be his nurse,

and I'm gonna work in this hospital,

and I'm gonna help everybody.

And so, I would change his IVs and stuff.

Later on down the road,

he had a flesh-eating bacteria in his back,

and I was kinda freaking out

because he was getting really sick.

And I was like, "Oh, my God, what's gonna happen?"

He had this open wound, I had to put this jelly stuff.

And then he got taken care of, and I was like, "He's invincible."

Nothing's gonna happen anymore.

(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

JESSICA: Just because you bring these guys home

doesn't mean we're done.

I said, "I understand you're angry.

"I don't know what you saw, but I can understand your anger,

"so you have two paths.

"We can work this out together,

"or you can work it out on your own."

And he said that that was the moment he was like, "Oh."

And I just said, "I'm here.

"But you're not gonna take this out on us."

Back then, PTSD didn't even have a name yet.

CHAZ: There are some instances

where a traumatic event can stunt you for a time period.

But there's a point where you need to kick yourself in the butt and move out.

There are things out there that the VA provides,

but when it comes down to it,

when you're back home with your family,

you're left up to your own to fend for yourself.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

DERYN: You can use me as your human walking stick.

-CHAZ: Yeah. -Oh, my God.

-CHAZ: Child. -(LAUGHING)

-(GRUNTS) -Hello.

-Yep. -It's our family portrait, we just...

Yeah, we just...

Welcome to the Allen family.

Hi, hi, welcome to Chili's.

(LAUGHS)

It's fun because like, you're with that person,

and then you're helping them,

and then when they're happy, you're happy.

He does kind of rely on me in a...

Not in a bad way, obviously.

But I'm always making sure he's okay,

and that he's taken care of,

and that he's always happy. (SOBS)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -(NURSE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

WOMAN: Bye, Chaz. MAN: Bye, Chaz.

-CHAZ: Thanks. -Have a great weekend. Thank you, guys.

All right, I'm off.

JESSICA: When you're in the middle of crisis,

you're looking for anything you can control.

What can you control?

For me, it was money,

'cause I'm really good with money.

For veterans, the financial situation is so complex,

because you have to deal with, VA, DoD, IRS.

And the information was not in one place.

Right now, we are dependent on Chaz's stipends.

If he dies tomorrow, they're gone.

They're gone, zero. That's it, our funding is gone.

Medical bills are usually the top reason for bankruptcy.

Bankruptcy and financial issues are the top reasons for suicide,

for domestic violence, for divorce.

I mean, finances play more into your life

than what we really give it credit for.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

This is what I do. Just start a pile,

and start going through it.

This is bank, this is bills.

This is all school.

This is probably a medical bill that I don't have money for.

My dad asks me a lot when I come home,

how come I just kinda sit in here and shut the door.

And I'm like, "'Cause that's my privacy,

"and this is my peace." (CHUCKLES)

Something I didn't have before, you know.

BILL: After the Navy. I went in as a truck driver.

I love driving truck.

You know, I didn't make super great money,

but I made good enough money

that I could support my family.

You took insulin and what else?

Did you take pills, any pills?

BILL: Nope, not yet.

JENNA: My dad had a stroke.

He was in the hospital for about four months.

BILL: I couldn't drive truck anymore.

And then I lost my job.

Things weren't so great, that's for sure.

It was like snowball, but a big one thrown fast.

BILL: All right, I took my insulin,

so you better hurry up with dinner.

I'm trying.

And I thought, "What am I gonna do

"if my dad can't work anymore?

BILL: I mean, we lost everything.

We didn't even have furniture.

We just barely squeezed by on food.

And, uh...

Yeah, we were homeless.

I mean, I don't think that I felt

as homeless as the girls did.

My ex-wife couldn't handle it, that's why she left.

It was kinda demoralizing for it to happen.

But I had kids, you know, I couldn't let them starve.

JENNA: We'd start running low on money.

BILL: We moved into a hotel.

JENNA: Like, a really cheap hotel.

When we would get to close to the end of the month,

we'd have to pack out, and then we'd have to do it all over again.

And we were going to the food banks to get food.

I guess the time that it really hit me

was when we had our first

home-cooked meal in the hotel.

It was just three of us,

and we had made, um,

a pot of spaghetti,

the same size as if we were still

all five of us back at home.

BILL: This is the hotel we were at.

Me and my sister would just share that bed.

There's still red marks

from when I dyed my hair (LAUGHING)

-on the ground. -BILL: Oh, my gosh.

We lived out of laundry bags,

and they'd be down here,

and then I'd fold clothes,

and then stack it up here.

And then I also kept the dog food in here

because our dog was also in here with us.

Then this itty-bitty tiny

-refrigerator. -Refrigerator.

JENNA: The only thing that you could fit in it was

a pint of milk.

-Yup. -Yup.

JENNA: Two drawers.

School's always been an escape for me.

Hey. How's it going?

Good, and you?

It's going all right.

Last fall, I took six classes,

and then I worked 40 hours, roughly, a week.

Did you say Jenna?

-Yeah. -Okay, cool.

Hello.

-How can I help you today? -JENNA: Um...

So I knew I had to do some kind of paperwork.

It needed... I don't know what it is,

but I just wanted to get it taken care of.

Yeah, so you have your ID there?

There are times where, you know, it's not perfect.

I don't just take care of my dad,

go to work, go to school,

get good grades, and everything's A-Okay.

-2019 when I did my taxes. -Yep.

-I claimed head of household. -(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Give me one second. I'm sorry.

Hello? Yes.

(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON PHONE)

I'm doing all right.

You know, being in school,

trying to explain to your boss,

I can't come in on Tuesday,

the day that you scheduled me because my dad has

three other doctors' appointments,

we only have one vehicle,

and I'm the only way my dad can get there.

I was running late, and Derek was like,

"Don't worry about getting here so fast,

"get here safely."

And I've never had a job that has been like that.

So I really appreciate you guys

being so understanding of everything.

Okay, I'll be there, I think, in the morning.

I'm sorry, that was my general manager calling.

WOMAN: Okay, yep, that's okay.

A hundred things at one time.

I'm always doing a lot.

-Yep, it's all right. -So I really appreciate it.

-Thank you. -Yeah, have a good day.

JENNA: Last semester, when I got all those A's,

it was a rough semester for me to get to that.

Being homeless, and going to school,

trying to work...

and then being pregnant...

Not being able to bring a child

into this world with a father.

I never wanted to do that,

but some of us are more responsible than others.

Having this child is just a bigger push,

a lot more motivation.

That's when you took me out for my 21st birthday.

Yeah, and there's your bottle of wine.

(LAUGHING)

My dad is my best friend.

He just always pushes me to do better

and do what's best for myself.

You know, some people see my situation,

and they're like absolutely baffled as to how I do it.

I want to do it.

KAMAILE: Hi, everyone, good afternoon.

MACHINE: Thank you.

KAMAILE: I'm a deckhand for Holo Holo Charters.

I plan to double major in oceanography

and some kind of atmospheric science.

I'd love to get a job on a research boat.

We're gonna take off everything from the morning trip and then

load up everything for the afternoon trip,

and scrub the deck, and wipe down the windows and the railings,

clean the bathroom.

These are the buckets

that the seasick people get to use.

I'm taking the semester off to take care of Grandpa.

It's just getting kinda crazy

being in school, and working,

and trying to be here with Grandpa, so...

School will always be there, Grandpa won't.

Baba, do you wanna come tell them

about all your fishing stuff over here?

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

KAMAILE: Is that a lobster trap or crab trap?

BOBBY: Lobster. KAMAILE: Lobster trap.

He was the first lifeguard at Waimea Swimming Pool

right down the street.

He actually met my grandma

'cause he was giving her surf lessons,

and they were married for 52 years.

He moves stuff around.

So whenever he can't find something,

sometimes he'll blame my grandma,

like, "Your grandma just moves things

"and doesn't tell me where she's moving it to."

I'm like, "Yeah."

She got diagnosed with brain cancer,

and by then it was...

She only had a few months left after that, so...

And that happened shortly after my mom passed away.

She took her own life.

Came over from work and...

found her.

She hung herself on the tree outside my bedroom window.

That was about two and a half years ago.

KALEO: My mom, she had bipolarism.

It's like different mood swings.

The doctor prescribed her these like, pills or something to help her.

It wasn't really helping her.

It was more like making her turn into like...

She was sleeping all day, yeah.

And then she just was just all sad all the time.

KAMAILE: My grandpa doesn't remember that

she or my grandma passed away.

And whenever he would ask about them,

we would tell him what happened,

but he would always, um...

To him, it would be like he was hearing it for the first time.

I'm okay.

I feel like I've gotten over the hard parts,

but I still think of my mom and my grandma every day.

It's hard during times, like when the hurricane

was coming a few weeks ago,

I've never really had to prep for a hurricane like that before

and the whole time I was just like,

I wish my mom was here or I wish my grandma was here

to offer any kind of advice.

And, yeah, just kind of think of them

when I'd usually call them

for some kind of help with anything.

My grandpa's like the last one that we have.

So to lose him would be a lot.

Do leaves change colors?

Yes.

Can a magnet pick up metal?

Yes.

Do skunks have an unpleasant smell?

Yes.

CAMILLE: We usually go through lists

to help keep his mental ability

and his response times up and quick,

and making sure that he's still sharp.

Do eyelashes protect your eyes?

No.

No?

No? Yes. (CHUCKLES) Yes.

98% of the time, he's usually right.

Last one, can you see your shadow at night?

No.

-Good job. -No.

CAMILLE: He's starting to be a little bit more forgetful.

I do worry that

it might get to a point where it'll be too much for my dad.

ROB JR.: Taking the extra time to take care of Mom

and taking care of Dad

means that I can't be at two places at one time.

My wife asked me one time,

"Why do you take care of your parents so much?

"Why do you spend so much time taking care of your parents?"

And I said, "They're my parents, one,

"and I love them,

"and they took care of me,

"they raised me.

"Now, that it's their time of need,

"if I don't do it, who's gonna do it?"

We started growing apart,

started seeing my daughter less.

CAMILLE: There would be times where I would

be going to these events,

but he wouldn't be able to make it.

And there would be a lot of times

when I wouldn't see him for weeks on end.

ROB JR.: And then one day, on a school night,

her and Camille, they just left.

I was a 24/7 father to Camille.

So not seeing her, man, that was hard.

CAMILLE: I actually live with my mom 'cause my parents are divorced.

We were definitely a lot closer when I was a child.

As I got older, we kinda grew apart a little bit.

I got closer with my mom.

Our relationship became kinda strained,

but we're trying to fix that

and do a little bit better.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

(SQUAWKING)

ROB JR.: In the summertime, we'd come down here

in Florida for a little R&R.

(EXCLAIMING)

CAMILLE: We have to do your eye drop, okay?

Okay.

There you go.

Do you wanna put your ears on?

-ROB SR.: Yeah, yes. -Okay.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

There you go, you know, be generous.

Oh, you already got the fork, thank you, thank you so much.

I can't expect her to do everything of what I do.

Here you go.

Alrighty, thank you.

And I know she has friends and school,

and so I'm asking her to,

"Hey, I need you to come and do these chores." (LAUGHS)

Which she doesn't really wanna hear that.

CAMILLE: How's your food, Pop Pop?

ROB SR.: They're very good.

Tastes good with the honey on it?

Very good with the honey on it.

CAMILLE: That's good.

-Got it? -Yeah.

CAMILLE: I feel like it's made me have to grow up a little bit

faster than I should,

but because I'm here,

making those memories with my family

instead of out with my friends,

I feel like I'm gonna have those

instead of missing, you know, one party.

And so, I go to here.

Okay.

And then usually my most recent picture pops up.

-Uh-huh. -So I'm just gonna edit that a little bit

and put it right there.

CAMILLE: I really do wanna try and be here for him as much as possible,

'cause I don't know how much longer I have.

So I wanna spend as much time as possible with him.

BILL: Oh, this way?

Oh, I thought we're going the other way. All right.

Ring the bell.

(BELL DINGS)

It's been a while since you guys were here.

This is your file.

-BILL: Mm-hmm. -This is all the paperwork

that we went through.

We were able to work with you and get you into a place, right?

Very first page in your file,

it's what we call the closure sheet.

We have down here, veteran obtained affordable housing.

So in the course of about eight months,

you went from, I'm assuming,

-feeling what was almost your lowest. -Hopeless, yep.

Hopeless to now you feel

like you have a really bright future.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it took a little time, but we got there.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

Jenna, she's really a good kid, and she's a smart kid.

I've been through a lot, and I learned to live with it.

But Jenna, she's definitely my hero.

JENNA: I mean, high school,

when we were going to the food banks to get food,

I would help and volunteer there.

They would throw away all of the baked goods

that they couldn't give to families.

And I was like, "This is so much

"that I could help other people."

I filled my entire car.

I drove around the school parking lot,

flagging people down, asking them,

"Do you want any of this?

"Do you want any of this?"

I remember I came across one girl.

She said she had 13 other siblings.

"Just take it.

"Take whatever you want."

I'm like way proud.

Without her, I don't think I would have gotten this far.

(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

(BILL SPEAKING)

JENNA: It's gonna be tough,

but I'm the type of person

that the more challenges that come my way,

it's like fuel to the fire.

It's made me who I am.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

I think you got it.

(LAUGHS) The only thing you can do

is tear things apart.

Yeah.

JENNA: My dad, he still has this heart,

regardless of whatever has happened.

Oh, it is a little bath towel.

It's a fox!

Oh, yeah!

See, we put the baby's head in here.

I like the little boots, they're so cute.

My dad is a lot of the motivation

why I do a lot of the things that I do.

But I know my dad would be the best grandpa.

ROB JR.: As a caregiver, you put your head down,

and you do the work.

-There you go. -Okay.

-All right, we're all set. -Yeah, okay.

Dad, you watch your step.

You're not really thinking of your own self-care

and making sure that you're healthy enough

to take care of your loved one.

All right, there you go.

Yeah, yeah.

CAMILLE: Don't forget your seat belt now!

But you have to take time for yourself.

And then you have to look for help.

Okay, good.

Okay, will you spray it moving?

Absolutely. Here's what I'll do.

DENA: Okay, well, I'm gonna go and do the laundry,

and then make the bed.

ROB JR.: One of the things that Dad would never do with me

is that he would never take a bath.

I couldn't get him to take a shower, a bath, nothing.

He's like, "I got this. I'm just washing up."

"Okay, it's been a week now, you know?

"Okay, it's been two weeks now."

He just would not do it.

You're not gonna take a shower today though, right?

-Right. -It's tomorrow.

-Just remember, tomorrow, yeah. -All right, just checking.

Okay.

ROB JR.: So with Dena, they have it down to a routine.

So now, he gets a shower three times a week,

and it's just fantastic.

So there's a lot of things that it helps out with,

having a break is one of the biggest.

You have to take time for yourself.

You have to find resources that can help you.

You have to get into a routine,

something that works.

Mr. Grier, do you wanna get back to your table?

CAMILLE: I got your chair, okay?

DENA: Are you gonna take it?

-Yeah. -It's easier to take it through here.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

ROB JR.: And if it is reaching out to an outside agency,

the church or a community organization

that can come into the home, that's a huge plus.

Yes, it's gonna be tough,

and you want to make sure that they're vetted,

and that they treat loved one as well as you are,

but you gotta find some way to have self-care.

(DENA LAUGHS)

-Good morning, how are you? -Doing well, how are you?

-Great seeing you again. -Oh, it's a beautiful morning.

-Yeah, yes. -Sure is.

Got everything for today?

-ROB SR.: Yes. -Got the key?

-ROB SR.: Got the key. Yeah. -Okay, good.

ROB JR.: One of the things that Dad's doing right now

is he's getting physical therapy and exercise.

Okay, so you got your pills for today?

Got the pills for today.

You have your phone?

I have the phone, yep.

He goes to an adult daycare, which as we call it, Club Vet.

That gives me time to go run errands,

to go work out, plan the evening meal.

(ROB SR. SPEAKING)

ROB JR.: He said, "Well, you know, I'm concerned

"because if something happens to you,

"who's gonna take care of me?"

And that just hit me like a brick like...

INTERVIEWER: Who will take care of him if you're not there?

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

ROB JR.: You wanna live in your home as long as you can.

But what happens if the person is not safe in that home?

Honestly, I just try not to think about that.

It makes me a little upset, so...

We still want to treat my grandfather the best that we can.

ROB JR.: You know, I was there for my mother,

and I'm here for my dad.

And so, that's the big thing for me.

I think that I would be more emotional or feel more guilty

if I wasn't doing anything for them.

If I wasn't here, you know, giving up my life to help them.

Sixteen candles.

CAMILLE: A lot of times, it can be a little bit hard,

but I do my best to try

and make sure I'm there.

If you actually really, truly love that person,

it won't be hard at all.

BOTH: (SINGING) Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Camille

Happy birthday to you

Thank you.

-And many more -Yes.

(CAMILLE PUFFS)

-Nice. Yay! -Oh, my.

You want another one?

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

KAMAILE: I'm just gonna put the flowers on the graves.

-Albert. Albert. -Oh.

Yep, right here.

These are all dead.

-BOBBY: Oh -10 years.

-BOBBY: Who? I forgot him. -Mm-hmm.

I don't even know him during...

Oh, I forgot.

You... You must've forgot.

Looks nice, right?

And then Uncle Robert's on the other side.

-Do you remember Uncle Robert? -Yeah.

(LIGHT-HEARTED GUITAR RIFF PLAYING)

KAMAILE: My grandpa had a heart attack a few months ago,

and he had to get medevaced to Oahu.

That was not looking very good for Grandpa.

We'd figured that was his time.

But Kaleo goes up to my grandpa's bedside,

and he says, "Papa I'm gonna be graduating

"in a couple of months,

"and I really want you to be there."

And that broke my heart.

KALEO: Doctor is like,

"Okay, if he goes into resuscitation or whatever,

"we're not gonna perform CPR."

And then I was like, "If you don't wanna do 'em, I'll do 'em."

'Cause my grandpa had told me five times.

I just told him, "Don't tell me that anymore."

'Cause I don't like hearing that kinda stuff.

INTERVIEWER: Why is it important to take care of your grandfather?

KALEO: Hmm...

Well, it might not be important to some people,

but to me, I mean, I value family.

Kuleana is the Hawaiian word

for basically, responsibility.

And sometimes it's responsibility

that's given to you, or you just take up onto yourselves.

I kinda feel like my situation is a little bit of both.

I'm overwhelmed.

I usually take a ride down to the beach.

The last time my mom and I were at the beach together,

that was at Kekaha Beach,

which is just a couple miles up the street.

So I usually go there.

That's my go-to spot.

Stuff's gonna happen,

and you can't control anything.

The only thing you can control is how you react to it,

and everything's gonna be okay.

Just gotta do what you gotta do.

Handle your Kuleana.

INTERVIEWER: What does caregiving mean, Rocio?

I wouldn't know.

To me, those are my vows to take care of him,

to take care of each other in sickness and in health,

(BRIAN SPEAKING)

ROCIO: No money, sorry.

Didn't hit the jackpot.

Happy anniversary.

We don't really plan things too far out

because we never know.

But I don't see my life without him.

It's your special day, mami, you're gonna look pretty.

-(GROANS) Mom. -Yes?

I just wanna hang out at home.

So you can look beautiful.

No!

-Beautiful. -No!

ROCIO: Rhianna has been doing great.

She got Student of the Month for the month of April,

so that was... I was...

you know, basically...

Crying.

And she's been wanting this since kindergarten.

So to finish sixth grade with it was a blessing.

She's gotten a lot into drawing.

So that's helped out a lot.

I just feel like that's gonna

be her way of, um, de-stressing.

This is just a little animal and stars.

Uh...

I don't know what's this one.

ROCIO: Tough times make you tougher, right?

Unfortunately, that's what she had to go through.

But I hope and I pray

that she will be a better individual when she grows up

and that she'll see with that same heart.

INTERVIEWER: How do you remain so strong?

-Humor? -Humor.

Make each other laugh, make fun of each other,

pick at each other sometimes. I mean, that's the best medicine.

With his condition, you never know.

So it's more of a comfort for us

to just focus on today.

-Can you help me? -I'd do it again.

-There! -Got it?

ROCIO: He got his AS.

He wants to continue mechanical engineering.

I see his strength,

so I thrive from that,

and that gives me the strength, you know,

because if he can be strong, why can't I?

So I just wanna say that I'm very, very proud of you,

and we love you and I love you.

And we have to be strong for our daughter.

You're here, I'm here.

We got our daughter, and we're together.

(NOSTALGIC MUSIC PLAYING)

JESSICA: Pain is still our biggest issue.

Today, on a scale of 1 to 10,

he'll probably be hitting close to seven, eight.

We don't know how long we're gonna be doing this,

because Chaz and all his guys, they're breaking records

every day they're alive.

Because in Vietnam, he would have died on the battlefield.

Desert Storm, he would have died in the helicopter.

Chaz stepped on a 40-pound bomb,

and they got him home.

Every day he's alive, he's breaking records.

And so, let's hope he breaks 40 years of records.

INTERVIEWER: Do you have a hero?

My dad.

I'm getting emotional. (SOBS)

(SNIFFLES)

He never complains even though he's in pain every day.

And he's always making sure

that we get taken care of,

and that we're always happy.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON RECORDING)

JESSICA: The silver lining is these girls get to have their family.

He was supposed to retire this year.

So this was his 20th year, this year.

So they would just now have a dad.

He was just literally this guy who came in every once in a while,

and instead, they got to have a dad seven years ago.

That thing is the loudest thing on Earth.

That's like a lot of things like IUD...

-IUD? -(ALL LAUGHING)

IED, my bad.

JESSICA: It's just crazy to think we have two high-schoolers.

Crazy to think that they're in that last phase of childhood.

(WASHING MACHINE BEEPING)

DERYN: We went and visited Georgia a few days ago.

And while we were there, we decided to tour SCAD.

And, yeah,

-and I thought it was pretty cool. -WOMAN: Yeah?

JESSICA: We're not gonna have our family of four.

I think that's gonna be the hardest part.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

The best part is they know the world is big.

It's not just about them.

I think that's a huge lesson.

I think that they have the ability to look beyond what they know,

and they have compassion for that.

They won't rush to judgment.

They know that there might be another story.

And we're off. (LAUGHS) All right.

(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)

My name is Deryn.

My name is Jenna Ploof.

(LAUGHING) Hi!

My name is Camille Grier.

And you spell it, C-A-M-I-L-L-E.

K-A-M-A-I-L-E.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC CONTINUES)

I'm 11, I will turn 12.

I am 15, actually about to be 16.

-INTERVIEWER: Well, thank you, my friend. -Anytime.

MALE SINGER: (SINGING) If you're broken, feeling weary

So tired from the fight

If your world is slowly sinking

So hard to see the light

If you can't find the strength

To go on another day

And your back's against the wall

I'll walk through every fire

Stand tall there right beside ya

Be the one to get you through

Yeah, I'll face the lion

Take on every giant

There's nothing I wouldn't do

I'd go to war for you

I'll walk through every fire

Stand tall there right beside ya

Go to war for you

Yeah, I'll face the lion

Take on every giant

There's nothing I wouldn't do

It's okay to need somebody

To hold you in the dark

(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)

(LIGHT-HEARTED ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)