All language subtitles for Shhhh.2014.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Welcome to California.
Land of the dreams.

Stars in the sky and
stars under your feet.

Everywhere you go,
people are making movies.

I'm one of the many struggling
filmmakers in this town,

Trying to make my way
into the business.

Los Angeles is the film
repertory capital of the world.

Any given night you can see
classic films on the big screen.

But even in Hollywood,
the city of movies,

people are clueless about
proper theatre etiquette

It's like they're at home
in their living room.

I don't want to go to dinner on
Saturday, I wanna go on Sunday.

Friday is a salsa night.
I don't like salsa.

And then there's the yawners

And the sleepers

And the bottle rollers.

[bottle rolling on floor]

And the knuckle poppers

And the guy who can't get
comfortable in his chair.

The girl that screams at this
that aren't there.

[screams]

The guy that chews ice

And the woman who reads
under her blanket

Los Angeles is home to a lot
of nutbags.

And I'm in the
middle of all of it.

[moaning]

Let me feed you,
my darling.

I want a different
kind of fruit.

[women moaning]

Oh come on.

[knife stabs]

[growl]

Sorry.
[chuckles]

I just... couldn't take it -

It's not like I could see
anything anyway with Kevin
Bieber Holland in front of me.

Who?
- Forget it.

[shriek]

Whoa, hey! You okay?
- Yeah.

Hey, look at this.

Rebel Without a Crew.
I read that book.

Yeah?
- You must be an actress.

I'm a director / writer. I just
moved here from North Carolina.

Oh cool! I'm a filmmaker myself.
I just started a project.

I'm Harris, I live in 202. Um...

Hey, what's that?

It's "Come Together".
- Tony Anthony.

[chuckles]. Rockin'!

I wore out my VHS copy of
Treasure of the Four Crowns.

That's awesome. You know, I work
at a video store.

We can dub you a
copy free of charge.

Sweet! That's for
the help, Harris.

Sure.

[laughs]

Just be careful out there.
- Sure.

And I guess I'll see you around.

Okay.
- All right, bye.

[puff from inhaler]

Hey!

Hello, buttercup.

Fuck, mom, you know I hate it
when you creep up on me like
that.

You told me to meet you here.
What's going on?

You look goofy.

I just met a girl.
- Really?

Who is she?

She just moved into the
apartment building. She seems
really nice.

Just... don't lose your head.

Get to know her and find out
what kind of person she is.

She do drugs?

You know I don't like you
hanging out with anyone who does
drugs.

Is she loose?

The last thing you
need is a baby Harris.

She's not like one of
these stuck up LA types.

She seems really cool.

Where you going?

I'm going crazy.
Wanna come?

Yeah, right.

Little fucking cockteaser.

Always going out, shoving your
tits in any guy's face you see.

You don't think I don't know
what goes on when you're out god
knows fucking where?

You don't know anything. Okay?
I was at work.

Let's go to bed. Come on,
let's go to bed.

Is that what you call it?

Come on. - There's a
word for what you do.

You're a fucking whore.

Hey, Chase!
- Stop it.

Stop it!
- Why?

Stop it!
- Why, why wh is he so special?

Chet!
- Hey kid!

Did you know that your mom is a
no-good soul sucking,
streetwalking,

piece of flesh that's barely
with the price of a good cup of
coffee.

[punch]

No daddy, no!

Stop it! Leave him alone!

He's got to get used to
a life of pain.

You're gonna drag him
down in your shit.

Fuck...

[tires screech]

Fuck!

You dumb motherfucking idiot.

Anson is in the back. This is
the third day in a row you've
been late.

He's waiting for you and
you're fucked.

Hey Anson, I'm sorry,
I had a rough morning.

I've heard it all before.
Blah blah blah...

Where is the Harris I hired
three years ago. The one that
was always on time

and didn't come in here
looking like a bum.

And you smell like yesterday's
diarrhea and your pants look
disgusting.

I got a pair of khakis in the
back that you can wear the rest
of the day. Okay?

But from now on, show up on time
and shower so you don't smell
like

a firgging billy
goat's gruff here.

I got it.

Hey Harris, you made it.
I saved you a seat.

I saved a seat for you, Harris.

Ingrid just kept it warm whilst
I relieved my bowels.

Thank god.

Thank you both.

Hey Harris, I'm ready to film
my scenes over when you are.

We're gonna kick ass! Yes!

I don't understand the changes
in the script.

We'll have to have a meeting
and do a one-on-one

to get me a better picture of
what you want me to do.

Sure, Powell.

That's Mr. Powell. I've been in
this business a very long time.

Let's all go to the lobby,
let's all go to the lobby,

Let's all go to the lobby
to get ourselves a treat.

Delicious things to eat,
the popcorn can't be beat.

The sparkling drinks are just
dandy, the chocolate bars and
the candy

So let's all go to the lobby
to get ourselves a treat.

Hey!
- Hey neighbor!

So you like Swankmeier.

Not particularly. I'm not a big
fan. I'm a fan of Liloczik.

Ah... Those crazy Czechs
are pretty messed up.

Hey! I'm Czech.
Well... part Czech.

Sorry. Hey... I'll have to make
it up to you and take you to the
movies sometime.

They're playing Blowout at the
New Bev tonight. Wanna go?

I can't, I gotta wake up
early tomorrow.

I got a day working on
a new TV show.

How did you get that gig?

My dad's friend. He went to USC.
He just made a call.

I can't believe the money I'm
gonna be making.

University of spoiled children,
great!

Yeah, I almost got fired today.

What happened?

I swear my alarm must be
possessed or something.

Are you sure you don't want
to to to the New Beverly?

I can't, my ride's here.
Actually, I gotta go.

Okay. - Well, it was
so good to see you.

Bye.
- Okay. Great.

[baby crying]

Can you believe
that woman? Jesus!

Bringing a baby to
a midnight show.

Somebody should
really do something.

[baby keeps crying]

[baby complaining]

[scream]

Schmidt and Schoneberg.

Get to the Beverly cinema,
pronto! We got a double
homicide.

What do we got?

Single, white female,
mid 30's.

Apparently she hit a late night
movie and it hit her back.

No witnesses.

Did you talk to the
theater owner?

Yeah, she said she got many
complaints about the baby crying
in the theater.

but was unaware there was a baby
in the theater until afterwards.

Huh. All right, we good here?

Could you give Schmitty a ride
back to the

I got a callback for the new
Blob remake, Superblob.

You give a new definition
to the term movie cop.

So, uh, what are
you doing later?

In your dreams.

Hey, I really appreciate you
giving me these extra hours.

The economy's been
pissing me off lately.

Are you kidding me?

What kind of best friend would I
be if I let my main man starve?

You can't have a freebie
without the bein'.

You're a peach, you know that?
A real peach.

Speaking of peaches, how's that
new hot neighbor you were
telling about?

Ah, I ran into her at the movies
the other nights. She's pretty
rad.

You ever think about banging
Ingrid? She's into your ass,
man.

I don't know, that's kinda
like... I don't know...

Like fooling around with my
cousin Gretchen or something.

I fucked my cousin Theresa.

[laughs] What?

I did, seriously. I fucking raw
dogged the shit out of her.

You don't have a girlfriend.
Raw dog?

Girlfriends could be overrated.

What exactly is raw dogging?

That's what you got the
internet for, check it out.

But is it like a position?
How do you raw dog?

You know, I don't like
to talk about it.

It kinda dilutes....
Just don't worry about it.

Like fight club? The first rule
of raw dogging is don't talk
about raw dogging.

With your cousin?
- My cousin...

First cousin?
- Third cousin, once removed.

Oh, okay.
- It's not bad, right?

Is she from Canada or something?

I met her once when
I was like seven.

Oh wait a second... seven?
- What?

That's when I met her,
not when I raw dogged her.

Oh okay.

I raw dogged her when
I was twenty-two.

Why do you have
to say "raw dog"?

Why do I have to say it? It's
not that I say it, I live it.

What do you got on that lady
with the baby killing?

Uh... not much.

Are those the only two
words in your vocabulary?

Because I hear them
every other day.

Must be a random thing.

Random, my ass.

Sniff out the truth, boys.
It's out there somewhere.

Oh, you're so big.

I love it.

Hey bro, what's the word on the
street about the pregnant lady
who got killed?

She's got a mouthful, bud.
Shut up.

The word on the street about
that perv is that he's native
Angeleno.

Well, what else can you tell us?

Small hands.

Come again?

I can't even cum once
with you guys talking.

Lakeisha saw him right
after the lady was murdered

and she chased him down this
alley and she picked up this big
stick

and started hitting him. And he
raised his hands to protect his
face.

She said he was wearing back
gloves and that his hands were
tiny.

They took her in. They picked
her up for disturbing the peace.

Can you believe that?
Instead of giving her a medal?

For what?
Tranny of the year?

Hell, I deserve a medal for all
this information I'm dishing
out.

Yeah, how'd you like this medal?
Come here.

Yes. You're a big boy. Big!
Oh my... mmmm.

The lady with the baby from the
movie last night got killed on
the way to her car.

You're kidding me.

No, I'm serious. The girl at
the snack bar just told me.

Phew... wow.

It's horrible.
- It's fucked up.

Hey, it's about fucking time.

It takes fifteen minutes to fill
two fucking sodas.

The bitch gave me
fucking attitude.

Fuckin' diet! - Dude, I've
been telling you to go on one

Deal with it.
- Fuck you. Shit tastes nasty.

Look at this dickhole.

Hey, could you stop kicking
my mom's seat, please.

How about I stick my fist
in your ass, four-eyes.

Come on, mom.

[screams]

There you are, little buddy.
I love playing hide and seek.

Let's just leave.
- What is this?

Hey, there you are. I wasn't
aware they allowed faggots in
this theater.

That's funny, I was just about
to say the same thing about you.

What'd you say, prick?

Drink my piss!

It's in my fucking mouth.
It's fucking piss!

Move, you fat fuck!

That was a good
fucking movie, man.

Yeah, it was good.
I liked it a lot.

Jan Michael Vincent's a badass.

Of course he is. He's fucking
Airwolf, you know this.

Tell me something I don't know.

I'll tell you something you
don't know. You know what's
gonna be badass?

When I find that fucking kid,
I'm going to kill him.

Smell me, dude,
I smell like a urinal.

Uh, it's an improvement.

Fucking dickhead.

So what do we know
about these guys?

Well, one of them was this big
director's son, Red Harling.

Hey, Red Harling.
Satan's Rest Stop.

Cantaloupe County. The first
time I saw tits was watching
Cantaloupe County.

Oh man, Karen McLaren.

Jesus Christ, I must have busted
a nut a thousand times watching
that tape.

I wore it out. You ever see it?
- No.

So where were these guys prior?
- She was a hottie.

Silent movie theater.

Yeah, and, uh... did you
speak to the owners yet?

No, I thought I'd let you guys
handle it this time.

Hello, how you doing?
I'm Detective Schmidt

and this is Detective Schonberg.
We have a few questions for you.

Anything out of the ordinary
last night? Any patrons acting
up?

Just the usual
Saturday night jive.

You get a lot of whack
jobs in here, don't you?

Cinephiles and hipsters
think they own the place.

Quasi-homeless people
trying to get out of the cold.

So... nothing out
of the ordinary.

Somebody pissed
themselves last night.

Couple of the seats
were soaked in piss.

You should've seen
the floor of the theater

when the lights came up
at the end of the night.

Cum, spit, blood, you name it.
Like a museum of liquid
forensics.

And I got to clean it up.

Okay, listen. Two kids were
maliciously murdered in the
parking lot last night.

They're guts are plastered
all over the road.

Oh no! My god.

Before that, they were seen
leaving your theater after
watching a movie.

If it's okay, some people are
gonna come by with some photos
later.

For you to take a look at so you
can get an idea.

Why don't you take a couple
passes and come see the show
sometime.

You know, we'd love to but it's
kind of against policy.

Yeah, you know, this guy's gonna
be on the big screen soon,
anyway.

You're an actor?
- I've done some movies.

I've done some movies.

Maybe you've seen them.
Did you see The Runs?

I was one of the
Hershey Squirts.

Uh.... no.

What about Hitchhike Mike2?
Went straight to DVD.

Uh... I wasn't aware there
was a Hitchhike Mike 1.

There wasn't. Uh...
Thank you for your time.

I burned you a copy of
Treasure of the Four Crowns.

Sweet, thank you.

Oh wow.

You really are hardcore, Harris.

Every since I was a little boy,
I knew what I wanted to do.

I wanted to be a director.

My mom would take
me to the movies.

I saw Close Encounters
forty-five times.

My dad was a drunk and mom and I
would find ourselves in the
local movie house.

It was our home away from home.
Still is.

I put my soul into this script.
I've been saving up for five
years to make this.

Static dreams.

I'd love to read this.

Wait, uh... sorry.

No, this is...
that's an old draft.

How's your new job going?

It's great, they've
already promoted me.

Wow.

I know, I've basically talked my
way into the writing staff. It's
insane.

And I'm making bank now so I
figured why not be neighborly

and see if you're up for
going to the movies?

Mom, what are you doing here?

I'm here to see the movie.

I'm on a date.
Can you sit somewhere else?

Really?
- Yeah, please.

Popcorn?

Mom, can you please.
I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Who were you talking to?

Oh, um, that was my mom.

She probably likes movies just
as much as I do if not more.

She used to be an actress.
Ever see Pirates of Tortuga?

No.

She was in that.
It was horrible.

Why don't you invite her over to
watch the movie with us.

Uh, she's sick. She's got a cold
and she didn't want to spread
it.

She doesn't want us to catch
anything. She's good like that.

Hey, Swedish Fish!

You know, a girl who likes
Swedish Fish is a girl that
can't be trusted.

Hey Mr. Hollywood.

I pay him to say that. Sieger,
this is my neighbour, Heather.

She is a video virgin
to Eddie Brandt's.

Well, let's de-virginize the
girl. Pleased to meet you.

Because you're friends with
Hollywood, I'll hook you up with
a deluxe membership.

Oh thanks! Do you have Fudd
Cinnamon's The Search?

Or Forbidden Games
by Rene Clemon?

Shit!
- You really know your stuff.

I'll have to order Forbidden
Games but we do have The Search
on DVD and VHS

over in the Montgomery
Cliff section.

Do you have I Drink Your Blood?
- It's right in front of your
face.

Oh.

What kind of movies do you like?

Mostly horror.

Great, so you like
horror movies.

Hey, let me think for a second.
What do we have in the back
room?

Oh...

Piece of Tail. It's a movie
where they tie up a girl,
torture her, and they let

twenty-seven mice out that
completely and utterly decimate
her vagina.

Oh, I have to see that.

It's vag-tastic!

Where were you?
I was worried sick.

I was out. We went to get a
bite to eat and we hung out.

She looks like an actress,
Harris. I thought you said she's
a director.

She is a director. She's a
good-looking girl.

I think she might like me.

You know, I'm sorry.
I'm not blind.

It's great. You said we're
going to the late show.

We can still make it.
- Yeah?

Turn your phone off.

Didn't you read the disclaimer
at the beginning of the movie?

Harris.

I'm sorry, sir, she's got her
phone out again. Can you, I
dunno, kick her out?

She's ruining the film.

Can you put your phone away?
It's distracting the others.

Oh, okay.

Oh f- That's it, we're going.

That dumb fucking cunt has her
phone out again. I'm gonna
fucking kill you.

What? I fucked him yesterday.
What are you doing?

What? I never said that.

What? Oh, come on.
That's ridiculous.

Justin Warner? Uhuh. Truly.

Shhh. Shut your mouth, bitch!

[screams]

[screaming]

[rattles gate]

[screams]

[screams, sobs]

[chokes]

What a waste.

Man, I would've cut off my left
nut to bang a girl like this in
high school.

Yeah? Shit, I used to bang girls
like this all the time back in
high school.

I wouldn't cut of my nuts. Maybe
a pinky but never my nuts.

But I bet the sex was good?

Oh yeah, back then
I'd just need one girl like this

and now I need 5-hour energy and
porn just to get it up, man.

I wonder if he went to town on
her. - Went to town like
Chinatown.

Well, we'll find that out
after the autopsy.

Come on, let's go talk to the
girl she was on the phone with
last night.

Come in.

Hello, ma'am, my name is
Detective Shoneberg.

This is my partner,
Detective Schmidt.

Now I know this is really
difficult for you but any
information you can give us

will make it easier for us
to catch the guy.

How long did you
know the victim?

I used to babysit her.

So, a long time.

Uh, did you used to talk often?

Not as much as we used to.

She's literally call me when
she wanted something.

I was the one that
usually called her.

So I take it you two
had a falling out.

She didn't want to be seen
with me after my accident.

I wish I had more information
to help you.

I just remember her screaming.

Shut the fuck up!

Stop it!

Stop it, just stop it.

What?
- Stop it.

Ah, fuck!

[groaning]

No! Nooo!

Harris, I'm gonna
beat you bloody.

Leave us alone!

No! No! No!

[grunts]

[sobbing]

Aah!

No, he can't hurt
you now, sweetie.

It's just a bad bad dream.

Mommy's here, everything's fine.

Go to sleep.
Go to sleep, sweetie.

Harris. Harris!
There's someone at the door.

Coming.

It's chicken soup, peanut butter
and jelly with the crust cut off

and a glass of Kool-Aid.

That's like the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done for me.

Here.

Um!

It's excellent.
It's just hot.

Sorry.

Thanks, you're spoiling me.

No, come on, it's nothing you
wouldn't do for me.

If I knew how to make soup,
I'd make you lobster bisque.

I love lobster.

I forgot... to give you this
the other day.

It's a copy of my
script I made for you.

Mine to keep.

Will you sign it for me?

I don't know what to say.
What should I put?

Um... make it out to Heather.
Say "you're the inspiration for
it all".

Cool!

Oh, when you're feeling better,
I got us passes to Cinecon.

Oh my god, you're an angel.

Um... get better.

You're my new
movie-watching partner.

I can't go to this thing alone.

This is Kelly Karen reporting
live from downtown Los Angeles.

A young woman's body was found
outside the legendary Million
Valor Theater.

This college student
never made it home.

This appears to be
the third incident of its kind.

I am horrified. This is what
the western world revels in.

There is violence in our streets
and in our schools and even in
our churches.

Is there no end to
this fucking madness?

I'm a bartender at the Silver
Spur and I walk home that way
every night.

Our outfits, as you can see,
are pretty skimpy.

I can see that.

And almost all the girls are as
good-looking as me.

So it's crazy that there's such
a deranged pervert out there
lurking in the darkness.

What would you do if your were
confronted by the killer?

Don't say that. I'm
superstitious. - I'm sorry.

That was the girl from the movie
theater last night who kept
texting.

Oh god.

Someone killed her?

I think... I killed her.
- Oh Harris, stop.

You're tripping out. Okay?

You had nothing to do
with that girl's death.

How do you know?

How do you know?

What are you doing? Jesus!

I wanted her to fucking die.

I'm glad she's dead.

It's coming for you, Harris.

You asshole.

Jesus Christ, you look like
my ex-wife's pussy.

It's that bad?
- I'm sick of you!

You know what, it's always
something with you. Okay?

It's no wonder you spend night
after night of your pathetic
life in a movie theater,

living other people's dreams,
other people's lofty adventures.

You re a loser. An
enormous loser.

In LA, it's about doing it
and being a doer.

But you're a dreamer and you
know what dreamers do? Nothing!

Talk about a waste of a life.

How about I waste your life?

You know what?
I was just kidding with you.

I'm sorry.

Guess what? You're
fucking fired. Get out.

I'm sorry.

Get out of here.
get out. Quicker!

I can't believe I didn't get
that fucking Blob movie, you
know?

I had four callbacks for that
stupid thing. It was a dumb part

but I brought something to it.
You know what I'm saying?

Look... remember that play you
did in the valley? Uh... Daddy
Warbucks?

Yeah. - You were fuckin'
pretty good in that.

The way you were with children
and animals and shit, you were
pretty fucking good.

Really?

Yeah, you were fucking good!

Thanks, man. - You can't
sing worth a shit but...

I appreciate that.

Schmidt and Shoneberg,
this is Captain Hill.

Red Harling wants to speak with
you about his son's case.

Address is 5755 Bristol Lane.

This oughta be good. Let's go.
- Yeah.

[playful roars]

I'm flipped. I'm
totally flipped.

Red Harling, gentlemen.

Have a seat, take a load off.

Mi casa e tu casa.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

How rude of me. Would you
gentlemen like a margarita?

No thanks, we can't
drink on the job.

I'm not offering you booze,
I'm offering you coos.

You see, Margarita here doesn't
come in a bottle or maybe she
does.

We'll never know but she is one
tall drink of water ...if you
know what I mean.

So you don't drink on the job.
So I assume you're here to give
me some good news.

So tell me you caught the boy
who killed my son.

We're working on it.

Work harder. I'm not a patient
man, gentlemen.

And I hate production delays.

And frankly, I don't see
what the problem is.

If this was one off y pictures,
I'd have this thing solved by
the third reel.

Speaking of your movies, I gotta
tell you that I love Cantaloupe
County.

Karen McLaren... I was telling
him about her. I love her,
alright.

I must have pleasured myself a
thousand times as a kid watching
that movie.

Yeah, he's got
calluses on his hands.

You and everyone
else that saw it.

You know, when I'm not playing
a cop, I'm actually an actor.

And I'd really love it
if I could give you my reel.

You are?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
send me a reel.

Send me headshots, send me
whatever you guys send.

Oh you, you bet.

Do you remember Sylvia O'Toole?
What a looker she was, huh?

Now she would do this thing
with a Twinkie.

She'd take a Twinkie and these
things last for thousands of
years.

She's break it in half. She'd
suck the white cream out of it,

and spit it on her twat. She
never missed. You could bet the
farm on it.

She called me her pinky Twinkie.

But... enough about Sylvia. Now
let me ask you gentlemen a
question.

Do you know why
they call me Red?

Because when I get angry, I see
red. And I hate to see red.

It's bad for my fucking ulcer.

What the fuck about my son?

Your boss said you
were onto something.

I gotta read it in the paper
that we got a serial killer on
our hands.

We're losing light, gentlemen.
I hate to lose light.

I want a happy ending to this
picture and I want it yesterday.

You naughty girl.

It's a little something for
the policemen's ball.

Now are you gentlemen sure you
don't want a wet, salty
Margarita?

Fuck yeah, I could use one.

It's happy hour, boys.

I can't believe you took
that fucking money.

I can't believe you
banged Margarita.

Wouldn't you? I mean, fuck.
It makes us both angels, right?

Look at that. That must be some
broad that works there.

Jumbo's Clown Room.
Ever been there?

Yeah, with you, dummy. When
are you gonna tell the chief?

Fuck the chief. Maybe this is
Red's way of helping us.

Besides we're gonna see
some titties. Let's go.

Titties? You just got laid.

♪ As my eyes open, I am on
my way out of this place. ♪

♪ I'm looking forward to the
next generation of youth,
youthful haste. ♪

♪ We don't cry, we don't fight,
we can't walk each other's ways.
♪

♪ Here's what happens
when we wait... ♪

Is Tanzenia here?

Yeah, she's in the back.
What the fuck is this?

None of your fucking business.

You don't have to be
an asshole about it.

I need to apologize
for my friend here.

When he hasn't eaten anything,
he tends to get bitchy.

Trust me, I gotta deal with it
all day until he gets something
in his stomach.

Fuckin' feed him and
get out of here.

Who are you two then?

Hey, we're the cops. We'll
ask the questions, lady.

So you were dating Raymond
Harling until his untimely death
last week, correct?

Yes, Ray was my boyfriend.
I loved him very much.

Did you love him enough
to murder him?

So when's the last time
you saw your boyfriend?

This night he was killed...

He came by the club
and we had dinner.

Milo stopped by, they got
hammered and then they went to
the silent movie theater

and watched Damnation Alley.

I remember because Milo had a
hard-on for Jan Michael Vincent.

I think they even stayed
for the midnight show.

Did you know if he had any
enemies? Anyone who might want
to hurt him?

Everybody. Ray was
a dick to people.

He didn't think his shit didn't
think and daddy made sure it
didn't even if it did.

What do you mean by that?

I mean I was hired to be
Ray's girlfriend by Red.

So Raymond couldn't get a
girlfriend on his own.

No, because Ray was gay.

His father didn't approve
of his lifestyle

and one night made me an offer
I couldn't afford to pass up.

Listen, you guys, I'm just a
washed up actress,

Soon to be washed up stripper.

There's really nothing more
I can help you with.

Thank you.

That was a waste of lead.

It wasn't so bad. At least
we got to see some titties.

♪ I'm falling for the same thing
waiting for you. ♪

♪ You don't mid me hanging out
because I'm so cool. ♪

♪ I'm so cool to you. ♪

So what do you got for me, boys?

Not much, chief. This whole case
seems like a big jerk-off
session.

Well, you better step it up a
bit. I got the mayor on my ass.

So circle jerk this city and
find out who's responsible for
this shit.

Why do you guys smell
like strippers?

Whenever you're ready.
And... action.

Where is the light
in which I see?

Darkness hides eternity.

Shadows hide my bloody tears.

Killing off the lonely years.

Cut.

[sighs]

That was, um, that
was perfection.

You really think so?

What do you think about these?

Um... they're great.

[moaning]

Fuck me, Harris.

It hurts and not in a good way.

[choking]

Get off of me.

Fucking psycho.

Sorry.

[rustling]

Hey, you with the bag. Everyone
in the theater can hear you.

Hey, shut the fuck up.

You motherfuckers.

Give me that fucking bag.

Hey buddy, we're closing up.

I just gotta squeeze one off
before I hit the road.

I don't need to hear the
details, just hurry up.

It's your world, boss.
I just shit in it.

Fucker.

[fart]

I can't find anything
in this goddamn place.

[fart]

[grumbling]

See what's in the paper.

What? Turn the light on!

God damn it, shit!

What the hell?

[groaning]

[suffocating]

What is going on with you?

Harris.

Leave me alone.

No, no, no. I will
not leave you alone.

I am your mother.

What is going on?

You changed.

Have I?

You assaulted an old man.

How does that make you any
different than the punks the
other night at the theater?

[mumbles]

Harris, you're scaring me.

You're starting to remind
me of your father.

You want to talk about
crossing the line?

[mumbles]

That's crossing the line!
That's crossing the line!!!

[sobbing]

♪ I thought it was a dream ♪

♪ My life was passing by ♪

♪ Lonely days, lonely nights,
what am I gonna say ♪

♪ I'm thinking of your picture
in the room ♪

♪ How was I to know what you're
going through ♪

♪ I know you're over here.
It's my life ♪

♪ I know it's right, because
it's all in my mind ♪

I'm gonna stick it in you
like I stick it in your mom.

[grunts, cries out in pain]

[maniacal laughter]

[knock on door]

Who is it?

Open up, police.

Harris Holden?

Jesus Christ! Cops?

We need you to take a ride
with us downtown.

I just need to get my pants on.
Sorry.

Okay.

Where were you last night?

The movies.

You like the movies, huh?

Yeah, that's kind of my thing.

I didn't ask you what you things
was. I asked you where you were
last night.

Which theater?

Showcase on La Brea.

Yeah, I know where that is. I
also think you know why you're
here.

[sighs] I think I know.

I got into it with an
old man last night.

He was making too much noise
at the theater.

I didn't hit him or anything. I
just grabbed his bag of candy

and I threw it in the trash.
That's what he was making all
the racket with.

I know it's stupid but I lost
my head and wasn't thinking.

I didn't think that
he'd report it.

He didn't report it. He's dead.

Well, I didn't kill him.

We don't think you're a suspect.
We're looking for someone bigger

but we'd appreciate any
information you may have.

I'm sorry, this is...
You look really familiar.

Were you in The Runs?

Aw, fuck me, dude. Yes! You're
the first person I've ever met
who's seen it.

Look at this guy.

It's good, I saw it on cable a
few times. It's a fun little
gem.

Really? Aw, thank you, man.
I appreciate that.

In the future, don't take
old people's candy.

It's their lifeblood, you know.
You should see my grandmother
eating See's candy.

She turns into like
a crazed badger.

We have to hide it at Christmas
time so she doesn't go into
cardiac arrest.

Look man, we know you didn't
do it. Here, here's my card.

If you have any other
information, don't hesitate to
call. Okay?

You're kind of our last hope.

All right, you're free to go.

Can we give you a ride back
to your apartment?

No, no. I'll be good from here.
Thanks, you guys.

Something's stinky in La La Land
and we're gonna find out what it
is.

Picking's ain't so good today.

It's just, stop being yourself,
buddy. Now school's out.

Nothing makes me happier than
the Little Rascals.

You wanna talk about it?

Did it have anything to do with
that girl? She's pretty hot.

She come by here?
- Her boyfriend did.

Real A-hole! he asked if we
carry Far and Away, which of
course we do.

I tried to sell him on Night
Shift. The motherfucker had
never seen it.

What a fucking douche.

I put my soul into this script.

You're the inspiration
for it all.

[screaming]

Fuck!

[knock on door]

Yeah?
- Is Heather home?

No Heather lives here. I just
moved in. I'm your new
neighbour, Max.

I'm a filmmaker.
Nice to meet you.

Oh... Who fucking isn't.

What the fuck?

Mr. Post.

Son...

You see that big old wooly
mammoth sitting out there in the
tar pit, taking a crap?

Doesn't that give you some idea
that maybe just maybe this is
not my fucking office.

Mr. Post.

No, no. No, no. I'm sitting here
trying to finish my lunch
...such as it is.

I'm sorry, Mr. Post. It's just
that something really urgent has
come up and -

No. I'll tell you what is
urgent. I just had me a
colonoscopy

and I'm here to tell you that
it's a very unpleasant
experience.

Now if I don't eat and digest my
food in a slow, relaxed, calm
manner,

then the gas that the tar pit is
producing won't begin to compare
to the gas that

I will producer. So look, take a
load off, sit down, slow down
and shut the fuck up.

All right...

Now tell me what it is.

Just tell me exactly what it is
that's twisting your turnips.

I spoke to the writers' guild
and they - - That's your first
mistake.

You've got no god damned
business talking to the writers'
guild. That's my job.

They called me.
- Then hang up.

They told me that -
- I know what they told you.

That your claim as sole author
can't stand up to a hill of
refried beans.

Bullshit! I have earlier
drafts registered in my name.

This Heather woman claims that
you and she wrote the script
together

and you went down to the
writers' guild and re-registered
it in both names.

No, no, no.

She has the registration numbers
and the dates.

That's impossible.
- Impossible?

Is that your John Hancock?

Well, it looks like mine but
that could be a forgery.

What is that? - It's a copy
of a quick claim form.

It states in old English,
legalese, that you've been paid
for your screenplay

and that you have signed off
on all rights and privileges

to screen credit
and story credit.

Yeah, what does that mean?

Translated from Old Gaelic, it
means that you are truly and
royally fucked.

I barely know this girl. She
comes into my life, I give her a
copy of my script.

And she takes off
without a trace?

What you got here is a hot young
philly that doesn't want to let
go.

And she wines and dines with
some pretty heavy hitters.

There's no way you can take this
girl on. Her attorney is Miles
Standish Richmond

Otherwise known as
Mr. Undefeated.

Do I have any options?
- Options? Yeah.

You can jump in that car pit
right there. That's option #1.

Option #2 is that you stop
pissing your pants and get out
in front of this,

and do what professional
screenwriters do.

When you get knocked on your
ass, you get back up on your
feet,

dust yourself off, scratch your
balls, and write a new fucking
screenplay.

This time be careful
who you show it to.

This town is plagued with
cutthroat whores and thieves.

Hey, there you go.
You're writing already.

Thank you for your
time, Mr. Post.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll send you my bill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
Hold on.

Hey Jim.
- Damn it. What do you want?

I'm just getting ready to watch
some good porno. What do you
want?

Sorry to bother you but I'm
wondering if you knew where that
new girl Heather moved

She moved to my asshole, that's
where she moved to.

She stole something from me and
I really need to get it back.

I won't tell her who I got
the information from.

I just need an address or phone
number. Please, I just really
need your help.

Look, blow me. Blow me, blow me.

I'll have to call the cops but
I really need my property back.

Oh, all right, she moved over to
Beachwood Avenue.

But the good news is her father
paid her rent. it's all paid so
I'm in the clear.

But you can't believe the
dog shit she left behind.

The used condoms, the ticks,
pills, scabs, She had Chairman
Mau

plastered all over the place. I
don't know if she was jerking
off to him or what.

What a filthy bitch! She
seemed like such a nice girl.

Thanks so much. Beachwood. I
really appreciate it. I owe you,
Jim.

Nigga, please.

Officer, hi, this
is Harris Holden.

[knock on door]

What can I say, I love
Far and Away.

What are you doing here?

Come inside, bud.

[thud]

Do you feel like Dustin Hoffman
in Marathon Man?

What the fuck's
going on, Sieger?

True love, my friend.
I didn't think it existed.

I thought it was a bullshit
movie thing.

Oh, you motherfuckers.

You met at Cinecon, didn't you?

No, we met in a cinema
chat room online.

You know what?
It's the real thing.

And the video store's days are
numbered with Netflix and Redbox
taking over.

[footsteps]

Sieger... really gets me.

He is an amazing man.

But a genius? That he's not.

Thanks, honey. Why don't you
untie him. He's not going
anywhere.

Get the fuck down, man.

What the fuck's going on?

Sieger said he had a friend,
a goofball...

Who let him read his script
at work.

Sieger said the writing
was magnificent.

He immediately knew this
film would be a surefire hit

And to get a hold of it and make
it his, because once the world
found out about it

Well, everyone producer in town
would make a play for it.

So we plotted to take it from
you and it wasn't very hard.

We tried to make you think
you're going crazy, constantly
terrorizing you.

We even tried to frame you by
killing that pig of a lady and
her offspring

in the hopes that the cops would
pin it on you.

It doesn't matter, we are going
to make a shitload of money...

Fuck you!

Off of your pathetic little life

Which is going to end...

now.

It's the end of the
movie, Harris.

[shrieking, growling]

[gunshots]

[sobbing]

[shrieking]

Jesus, what a mess.

Hey, you all right, man?

Yeah...

[laughs] Hey, listen, we heard
everything. You can make your
movie after all.

Come on. And when it comes to
casting, don't forget about me.
Okay?

I won't
- All right, come on. Atta boy.

[police siren]

I'm so proud of you, Harris.

What did I do?

Your script, your success.

Getting out of this alive.

Yeah...

I think things might be
different... from now on.

Well, I think it's time we
decide on the important
question.

What film are we going to?

I just want to sleep.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Who the fuck's he talking to?

Thanks again, officers.
Thank you so much.

Just try to stay out of trouble.

Yeah, you know, I still think
the kid's a fucking nut.

[growling]

No, Jesus Christ!

Shit!