Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.

Ten years ago, Rob Beckett and I met on the comedy circuit,

and we've been friends every since.

I think we compliment each other - he's sad, I'm happy.

He'll always have a smile about things.

It's just a shame that smile is so punchable.

Now, we're putting our friendship to the test.

Why are we in this vehicle? Bigger the better, innit?

As we travel the world together...

I'm gonna get out of here and smack -your arse with this. -OK, get out.

..to meet some of the greatest athletes on the planet.

As well as some of the biggest stars

from the world of music and entertainment.

We'll be immersing ourselves in their worlds

to find out what makes them who they are.

I look happy, don't I?

Just minus the skill...

Oh, my God.

..talent...

I haven't been this close to my wife in about three weeks!

..or motivation...

Jesus Christ! Bolt don't do this -

Bolt doesn't moan like this.

..that makes them mega stars.

Holy shit!

This week, Romesh and I are off to Nashville, Tennessee,

to learn all about country music.

We're in Nashville, Rom!

And who better to act as our guide

than the biggest-selling female country star of all-time,

Shania Twain?

We'll get the country look...

You look like racism.

..we'll saddle up...

How's your arse feeling? Absolutely battered, mate.

..and we'll even write and perform our very own country hit.

Yee-ha! Yee-ha!

♪ Hillbilly rock, hillbilly roll

♪ Stand in a line and away we go

♪ Little bit of moonshine, a little bit of meat

♪ Do the hillbilly rock and roll with me

I can't believe I know these words. I honestly -

I've not heard this song for 20 years.

I can't believe I'm friends with you.

You write a classic, everyone knows the words.

It's like Hey, Jude at the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

♪ Grandpa's rocking in his rocking chair

♪ Grandma's pretty when she lets down her hair... ♪

So, what do you know about country music?

What's your background?

My background is absolutely, pretty much, zero exposure to country music.

What do you know about country music?

I quite like a few Johnny Cash songs.

I don't really know much country music.

You know more than me, I would say. Yeah.

Willie Nelson!

That you're a fan of? I've heard of.

Clark Gable?

No. What does he do?

I don't think so.

Clark Gable.

You do look like a country music guy.

Very much like a country music -

Oh, cos it's... You are such a COUNT-ry music guy.

Do you know that?

When I look at you, I think, "COUNT-ry music guy.

Rob is such a COUNT-ry music guy."

There's a real COUNT-ry music vibe about you, as well.

Yeah? Yeah.

So much about you says COUNT-ry music to me.

But sometimes I look at you and I think you're a (BLEEP).

But that's just me.

♪ SHANIA TWAIN: "Man, I Feel Like a Woman"

Let's go, girls.

It was clear we had a lot to learn.

Come on.

So, before we headed to America, we were on our way to the O2 Arena

to see live in concert

none other than the queen of country pop herself, Shania Twain.

Ah!

Shania has sold over 100m albums,

making her one of the best-selling artists of all-time,

and the perfect person to give us a crash course in country music.

Shania's team had also arranged for us to accompany her

as she walked out into the arena.

So, with our VIP backstage access, we had the best seats in the house.

♪ I feel like a woman! ♪

(CHEERING)

(WILD CHEERING)

Are you ready, London?

(WILD CHEERING)

♪ SHANIA TWAIN: "That Don't Impress Me Much"

(CHEERING)

♪ I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart

♪ But you've got being right down to an art

♪ You think you're a genius

♪ You drive me up the wall

♪ You're a regular, original know-it-all

♪ Oh, oh

♪ You think you're something special

♪ Oh, oh

♪ You think you're something else

OK, so you've got a car.

♪ That don't impress me much

♪ So you've got the moves, but have you got the touch?

♪ Don't get me wrong, yeah, I think you're all right

♪ But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

♪ That don't impress me much

♪ Ha-ha

The concert was only just getting going,

and to my surprise,

it turns out I'm already a massive fan of country music

and I absolutely love Shania Twain.

♪ That don't impress me ♪

(CHEERING) Yes, Shania!

Yes fucking please, Shania!

And it turns out Shania loves us, too.

So much, in fact...

..she invited us to join her on stage.

Do you guys sing?

I don't, but Romesh can rap.

No, no, no, no.

No, that is not... You can rap!

Can't Romesh rap? (CHEERING)

(LAUGHS)

Come on, Romesh, do what the people want.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(CLEARS THROAT)

♪ I bring the butter, you know this ain't the margarine

♪ I'm quick to clean up the scene like my name is MC Windolene

♪ I'm in your face like the Mace from the cannister

♪ My lyrics bring the pain like testicles beaten on banisters

♪ When you're spitting stairs to battle, this ain't fair

♪ You're lyrically impaired

♪ Plus, your knees are knocking, cos you're scared ♪

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

I know that you wanna hear me rap again,

but please give it up one time for Shania Twain!

(WILD CHEERING)

♪ SHANIA TWAIN: "Man, I Feel Like a Woman"

Let's go, girls.

(CHEERING)

With my brief stint as a rap star over...

Come on!

..we left Shania to finish off the show,

as I needed a quiet word with Rob.

(LAUGHS)

Who was suitably apologetic.

Oh!

Oh.

That's the best I've felt.

That's one of the biggest stitch-ups I've ever been...

You absolute - (GASPS)

Oh!

Oh! Fuck me!

That was out of order.

Like, not j...

Like, I'm not joking, it is out of order.

I know!

Are you...

(LAUGHS) I feel demented.

I feel...

I'm so high on life!

That was amazing.

I actually...

I'll be...

I genuinely thought that was out of order.

Really? Is that...

(LAUGHS)

You can rap, though, to be fair.

Yeah, in my bedroom.

Along to a track.

Not next to Shania Twain at the O2, dickhead.

Oh, that was...

That was funny.

She was... She's...

I felt very awkward - I had to carry her dress, as well.

Oh, yeah, that must've been a nightmare!

I had to spit eight bars out on the stage, mate.

You're a prick. You're making it worse saying that.

♪ I feel like a woman ♪

(WILD CHEERING)

Rom's rap skills must have made quite an impression...

Hello, Shania! Hello.

Hey!

..because the next day, Shania invited us back to the O2

to talk all about the world of country music.

Shania, thank you so much for meeting us to have a chat.

You are, well, a mega star,

you're the queen of country music,

and I think the perfect person to introduce me and Romesh

into the world of country music.

Well, the thing is, we're outsiders.

Rob... What's that?

..you don't look like an outsider, you look quite country,

whereas I look like...

What does that mean?

Look at his face -

He once referred to me as "Trump's wet dream".

Oh, God!

He's got a country look,

whereas I... I've got more of a "just arrived in the country" look.

Do you reckon we need to look a certain way

to fit in to country music?

What would you suggest we wear?

Cos we wanna try and establish ourselves

in the country music scene.

Go to Nashville, go out and get yourself a Stetson

and follow the stereotype.

Tell me what you think the stereotype is.

Horse.

Horse? A horse on stage.

Is that too much? No, no, no, that's not...

I've done it. Right.

I took my horse on tour. Did you?

Yes, I did. I've got my horse with me now.

That's how he got here. Yeah.

OK, no, in my head it's cowboy hat, checked shirt, jeans and big boots.

Right. What about the beard?

Are beards good in country music? Of course!

It's very in right now. It's very -fashionable. -Wow.

You might wanna... Grow a beard?

He can't grow a beard. You're a little bit clean-cut.

Me?

Yeah. I need to be a bit dirtier?

I think so.

♪ They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

♪ But just look at us holding on

This is our song, innit?

No! We're still together

This is our song. It's not our song!

♪ Still going strong This is our song!

♪ You're still the one

♪ You're still the one I run to

♪ The one that I belong to

♪ You're still the one I want for life ♪

Do you have to be a bit more intense?

I think a lot of country music songs can be quite depressing

and hard work and quite tough.

Do you know what I mean?

Listen, we have so much fun in country music,

you can be whatever you wanna be.

So, it's not all about hardship,

so it wouldn't help if I slept with Romesh's wife,

to give him something to write about?

I think that would be awesome songwriting material.

Because it would really help me out with a reason why I did.

The impression I get about country, cos you're quite...

To be honest, your songs are very -

You're saying it's all about -cheating. -Yeah.

It's very specific and very... Heartbreak.

"Jimmy slept with my wife and then I saw him today,

and he looked at me funny," that would be, like, a song title.

Let me clarify. OK.

What it is about the great country music songs

is that they write about real life.

They're not as poetic or roundabout in the way they say things.

Perfect! I see...

Now, you might disagree with this theory, but I'm a hip-hop fan -

I see country and hip-hop have got parallels

in terms of they talk about what's real

and they talk about it in a very literal way,

and it's a music of the people. I agree totally. You're right on.

You're spot on with that.

It's very much singing from the heart

and no bullshit kind of lyrics.

Yeah. Mm-hm.

You could take the formula of a rap song...

Ah. Yeah.

..pull out the curses,

or replace the curses with something more family-friendly.

Yeah. Mm-hm.

I had to do that when I went to -Nashville. -What did you have to do?

As a Canadian, I swear a lot.

I heard the original title was "Shit, I Feel Like a Woman".

Is that true?

How do you even know it was that mild?

"Fucking Hell, I Feel Like a Woman!" Yeah.

"That Don't Fucking Impress Me At All, Mate."

See, those would be the urban versions.

♪ Don't be stupid

♪ You know I love you

♪ Don't be ridiculous

♪ You know I need you

♪ Don't be absurd

♪ You know I want you

♪ Don't be impossible

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

So, do you think we need country music names?

Because I'm Rob Beckett, OK? Oh, my gosh.

I want the job of giving you your country names,

if you want to take on country names.

Definitely. 100%, yes.

Can I give you a suggestion?

Robert Anthony Beckett - I thought I could be Bobby Tony Beckett.

Bobby T Beckett, does that sound country?

Uh... That's a no.

Maybe not Beckett.

Bobby Tony sounds like a pole dancer.

I don't trust - Bobby Black... Bobby...

I don't know. Bobby Black?

I'll take Bobby Black. Yeah.

OK, Bobby Black.

What about Romesh Ranganathan?

It's a tough job, that. Romesh.

I actually like the name Romesh, -anyway. -Cool.

It's a bit like "rubbish", though.

(Rubbish!)

Rubbish Romesh.

I like it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I love the way you just clapped, as if, "I'll clap and he'll go there."

Don't listen to him. Don't insult me and then applaud...

Excuse me, are you trying to tell

one of the greatest-selling country music artists of all-time...

Or THE biggest female... Shania...

So you're saying Shania Twain's wrong?

I'm not saying you're wrong, Shania...

No, first of all, they don't say "rubbish" in America,

so that wouldn't really work. They've not seen his act!

They say it, but it's not...

OK, so that wouldn't really..

So... Well...

Remi would be good. Remi would work. Remi?

Mm-hm. Yeah. Just Remi? Anything else?

I sort of see...

Remi Brown and Bobby Black.

Remi Brown and - Remi Brown and Bobby Black! Yes!

Yeah, I love it. That sounds good, actually.

Come on.

No? Sounds good together.

Thank you.

Thanks to Shania, our education had gotten off to a great start -

we had our first taste of country music, and loved it.

The next stop on our journey would takes us Stateside...

..to Nashville, Tennessee.

So far on our country music adventure,

we'd met the legend that is Shania Twain.

Are you ready, London?

And now we were heading to the home of country music -

Nashville, Tennessee.

We're in Nashville, Rom! Yes, we are.

Nashville!

Yes!

When my new best friend Shania Twain

had heard we were coming to Nashville,

she'd been in touch and set us a challenge - a terrifying challenge.

There's country music everywhere!

She'd asked us to write and perform our very own country song

in front of a live audience,

and we'd only have three days to do it.

Nashville IS country music.

It's where artists from Elvis Presley to Dolly Parton,

Johnny Cash to Taylor Swift,

have all recorded hit albums.

In fact, it has more musicians per capita

than anywhere else in the world.

And now two more were rolling in to town.

The bottom half of your face is like a kiwi.

Are you talking about my new beard? I don't know if it's a beard -

It's a beard, mate! Yours is just mental!

You're gonna end up looking like an Asian Uncle Albert.

Uncle Alpesh?

What did it say in the review about the gig?

Let me read the review to you.

"Shania Twain at the O2 Arena, London review - she's still the one."

Three stars. What?!

Well, I'll tell you why she might have got three stars.

The tag line to the review,

"Only misstep from the country superstar

is when she invites guests on stage."

OK, here we go.

So the review carries on, "It takes on a variety show feel

as audience members are invited on stage,

followed by comics Romesh Ranganathan and Rob Beckett,

who seem to have convinced Twain's team

that they were a lot more famous than they actually are."

"The whole Butlin's stage show saga disrupts the flow of the show."

We like Butlin's!

"And Twain has to work hard to get it back on track."

Based on that review... Yeah.

..are you nervous about this challenge Shania's given us?

Yes, I am very nervous.

I wouldn't mind it

if it was performing in England.

Robert's Western World, honkytonk bar in Nashville, home of country,

you and me performing a song that doesn't yet exist.

I'm sort of... pretending we're not doing it.

Unfortunately, though, that was not an option.

But before we could get down to writing our hit song,

I took Shania's advice and got us the stereotype -

a Stetson, a shirt, and a horse.

♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪

So, I just wanna apologise about the O2, yeah?

It was out of order, I stitched you up.

So, what I've organised is a camping trip.

What?

I wasn't expecting that reaction.

We're gonna go camping.

I've got us horses,

and we're gonna properly camp in the Tennessee wilderness.

Isn't that amazing? To make up for things?

Yeah! I've organised it all. It's an experience.

Hello!

Yes, what an experience (!)

Hi, I'm Rob.

With just days to go till we were due on stage,

and not a single lyric written,

Rob had decided to book us on a camping trip.

All right. These are your horses.

This here is Tex, this is Bailey.

Hello, Tex. Hello, Bailey.

Pull yourself up.

Shania did say to live the stereotype,

so what better way to find some inspiration for our song

than to get out into the great American wilderness

like a couple of good old-fashion cowboys?

Let me tell you something -

there is gonna be no mounting and dismounting.

This is the only time I'm getting on -it. -OK.

Oh, God.

I think you've got it. OK.

Feels like he's going a bit too quick.

He's not going too quick!

What are you talking about?! Well, I'm not happy with this speed!

(LAUGHS)

Is this quicker than walking, is it, do you think?

This is amazing, Romesh, innit? What an experience.

What an experience, two guys riding out to die in the woods.

We're gonna stay overnight, have a lovely time.

Have you ever done camping? No.

Me neither. Are you serious?!

Once when I was a kid, but I was only eight.

So why are you leading this camping expedition, then?

To be honest, I don't know, really. Oh, my God.

I just don't understand, why are we going camping?

Why do you keep moaning?

The whole fucking way you've been moaning! Just cheer up!

Look at it!

Because I never once said I wanted to go camping.

This is the shittest idea! Just cheer up, buck up

and get a fucking move on!

This is lovely, innit?

Fuck off.

(LAUGHS)

No!

Don't make me get the whip out, Bailey!

I can see where "hungry as a horse" comes from.

Come on, you greedy bugger!

(LAUGHS)

Here we are.

What do you mean, "Here we are"?

Are you joking? (CHUCKLES)

Are you joking?

I thought it would be...

Look, I thought there would be more.

This is unbelievable.

This looks like something a tramp left behind,

and now we're gonna try and stay in it.

I don't feel safe. Do you not?

No. No, because I'm gonna kill you.

Can I tell you something?

At this moment, I never wanna see him again.

I need to phone my wife and say, "I love you.

Kiss the kids goodnight, tell them I'm never gonna see them again,

because me and Rob Beckett are gonna kill each other in the woods."

Rom, let's do this.

You're such a piece. I didn't know they were in there.

OK, I've got - Where's the instructions?

It's not about instructions, it's like Bear Grylls shit.

You are such a dick.

How would I improve the situation?

If he was dead.

I heard that!

You see what I mean?

If he was dead, he wouldn't have heard that.

Pick the pole up, spread out the floor bit,

I'll put this on top, then we put the top up.

He's falling apart. He's falling apart.

He looks like a young Donald Trump on his first camping trip.

Romesh, banter aside, a few ropes away from done here.

Yeah, we are a few ropes away from done.

Trust me on that.

Why don't you take the lead on this?

Because I didn't wanna fucking come!

That's why I'm not taking the lead on it, mate!

You literally said, "Let's bond.

We'll go to the woods, we'll make a tent,

all the facilities will be there."

We've got some marshmallows that are made of horse -

Mallows. ..we've got a tent that we can't...

-It's not even a tent! -It is a tent, but it's not a tent yet.

It's three sheets and a pole.

This is bullshit!

My commitment to this trip is absolutely zero.

I'm literally gonna get an Uber, go to a hotel, spend the night.

I probably will wait for him to fall asleep before I do that, though.

I think that's the main aim,

because what I don't want is for him to come with me.

And I'll just let the horses loose, just for kicks.

Just to make it slightly more difficult for him to return.

Any little thing that I can make more difficult for him, I will do.

What have you done?

Erm...

That's gonna make it a lot more difficult.

♪ Am I losing you? ♪

Do you think you'll end up getting into camping?

No.

We're not doing camping now.

We're sat by a fire with a tent we haven't managed to put up.

This is basically homelessness. Essentially, yeah.

Would you say this is the worst holiday you've ever had?

I think it would be a real push to describe this as a holiday.

A work trip gone bad?

Yes.

This is the worst work trip I've ever had.

Really? Even when you was a teacher? Yeah.

Went to Ghana. What, with school?

Yeah. What was you doing in Ghana?

We went to check out the impoverished villages in Ghana.

That's not a holiday. That was better than this.

♪ Am I losing you? ♪

We should get some sleep.

Roll them out, sleep here - head by the fire.

Yeah, that's the safest way, innit?

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

That was close! Did you see that?

Yeah, I did.

As the night's gone on,

I've become less and less concerned about your well-being, to be honest.

I'm just gonna sleep fully-clothed, I'm not even gonna take my boots off.

I was hoping a night in the great outdoors together

might have given us some inspiration for our song.

But as the night drew in, it was doubtful we'd still be mates,

let alone bandmates by morning.

This is so shit.

Right.

Night, Rom. Goodnight, Rob.

Night, baby.

Where are you?

♪ I'm so glad we made it

♪ Look how far we've come, my baby ♪

After our disastrous camping trip, Rob and I were back in Nashville,

and with just two days to go until our performance,

we desperately needed to get on with writing our song.

IN DEEP VOICE: Hey, I'm Bobby Black, and this is my man, Remi Brown.

IN DEEP VOICE: Hey, I'm Remi Brown.

And we're here to sing a little song for you good people.

A little song that we wrote.

And this song is called...

This song is called um... Milk the Horse.

Milk the Horse?!

(LAUGHS) God no, the cow!

Sorry.

IN DEEP VOICE: This song...

♪ I milked the horse

♪ And the milk kept on coming ♪

I don't think Milk the Horse was the hit we were looking for.

It was clear we needed expert help,

and luckily for us, Shania had hooked us up with two people

who could actually write a song.

Hello! Hi!

Hi, I'm Rob.

Country music star Meghan Linsey and producer Tyler Cain

were going to prepare us for our upcoming performance

and hopefully turn our dysfunctional relationship

into chart-topping gold.

Please help us. We need you!

So much! We're here for you.

Awesome! We've got you.

We're here to write a country music song,

because we've gotta perform it later,

under, for some reason, the command of Shania Twain

in this weird situation I've got us in.

Right, lovely.

But before we could start writing our masterpiece,

Meghan and Tyler wanted to see how well we could sing.

We're just gonna get you kinda comfortable, you know,

singing pitches.

Imagine you're talking - Love singing pitches.

Love me some hot pitches. Yeah, right?

You dirty son of a pitch.

It'll be like...

(TRILLS SCALE)

(CHUCKLES)

(TRILLS SCALE)

I feel like you...

(CLEARS THROAT)

(TRILLS SCALE)

I sound like a chicken!

You do sound like a chicken.

But you feel all this happening here? It's opening up.

(TRILLS SCALE) Feel it loosening up?

(TRILLS SCALE)

Serious question - are you pissing about on purpose?

No, this is me trying. OK, I just wanted to ask.

This is not me pissing about. Fine.

(TRILLS)

No, I'm not a good singer.

The only sort of thing keeping me going

is the hope that I'm better than Rob.

You don't have to be the quickest gazelle,

you've just gotta be faster than the slowest one.

♪ Nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee ♪

Yeah!

And this particular gazelle should be shot.

♪ Nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee ♪

Every pitch we play, you sing it about a step higher,

but that's impressive. I'm just a high-flyer.

(PLAYS CHORD)

♪ Nee ♪

♪ Nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee-no, nee ♪

Yeah, all right.

I don't think Meghan and Tyler have worked with someone like me before.

I cannot sing whatsoever, but I've got enthusiasm, confidence,

and I'm a loud shouter.

I have a feeling that whatever is about to happen now

is gonna, really, probably be great.

And they say Americans can't do sarcasm!

IN GRUFF VOUCE: Country roads

♪ Take me home

♪ To the place

♪ I belong

♪ West Virginia

♪ Mountain momma

♪ Take me home

♪ Country roads ♪

You know what that was?

That was Bobby Black. That was Bobby Black, wasn't it?

And Bobby Black is a sex offender.

What I would say is Rob far surpassed my expectations,

but my expectations were

that he would sound like a cat being punched in the face.

After that glowing endorsement,

it was time to see just how good Romesh was.

♪ Country roads

I love the way his head moves! I know!

♪ Take me home

And it was a hell of a show!

♪ Country roads

♪ Take me home

♪ To the place

♪ I belong

♪ West Virginia

♪ Mountain momma

♪ Take me home

♪ Country roads ♪

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

That's how he hails a cab.

Romesh is all right.

If Romesh had my confidence, he'd be half-decent.

We need to combine.

That's what we're gonna do - proper duet.

Cos let's be honest, Elton John was carrying Kiki Dee.

Now knowing how little they had to work with,

Meghan and Tyler decided it was time to put pen to paper.

Thanks for helping us.

But, as usual, Rob was getting ahead of himself.

If this song goes mega... Yeah.

..what are we looking at, money-wise?

You could be rolling.

There's ways to make money on it. What's the cut?

I think we just split it four ways. OK.

That's usually how...

And you have to let me be in the music video, too.

You can be in the music video, 100%.

Look, look, look, guys, I'm gonna stop you there.

We ain't doing it four ways.

You guys, 20%, we'll take 80%, split it two ways, yeah?

Yeah, see, this is...

-It's changing a little. -Right, 70-30, we'll just get on with it.

OK, OK... You happy with that?

Cool. Right, let's go. Yeah...

Ready?

Do you normally run country music like a fruit and veg market stall?

We're here to record a country hit.

I don't wanna knock out some average stuff,

I want top drawer, top quality, top-selling singles.

That's what I'm going for.

So, it seems like you guys may not like each other,

but you love each other.

Is that fair to say?

Y-yeah.

Being completely honest. Yeah.

This sounds like a good idea for your verse.

OK.

♪ I don't even like you

♪ But I love you, that's a fact ♪

Right? Nice. Yeah.

I like the traditional country... How are we taking 60% of this?

We've just said...

Because I'm a good businessman! Shut up!

We've literally just said some words. Keep going. Don't listen to him!

Yeah, yeah, this is our product. Yeah, absolutely, 100%.

Shut up. Oh, my God.

Keep going.

So now we need another line.

Uh...

Is that music speak, or do we need more lyrics?

I think you should introduce -yourself to your audience. -OK.

So, your new names - Remi Brown and Bobby Black.

So...

♪ We used to Rob and Romesh...

Romesh? Ramesh? Sorry.

Romesh.

♪ Now we're Remi Brown and Bobby Black ♪

Bobby Black.

Nice!

If that's not a hit, then I don't know what a hit is.

You've earned a good 40% there, boy. Right...

I would say you don't know what a hit is.

I don't know.

He gets under your skin after a while.

♪ I don't even like you

♪ But I love you, that's a fact

Despite Rom's negativity,

I could tell we were on to something special.

♪ Remi Brown

♪ And Bobby Black

We've got a hit. It's an earworm.

It's stuck in my head!

And after many hours of hard work in the recording studio,

I reckon we had a song even Shania Twain would have been proud of.

I am in a situation where I can write what I really feel about Rob.

The only thing is there can't be too much swearing,

which, in my version, it would be absolutely filled with profanity.

♪ We're Remi Brown and Bobby Black ♪

Yee-ha! Yee-ha!

♪ On the road again ♪

It was our final day in Nashville,

and we were only hours away from our performance.

I'm sort of pretending we're not doing it.

With a song of sorts written...

Yee-ha! Yee-ha!

..and some real-life country living under our belts...

This is lovely, innit? Fuck off.

(LAUGHS)

..I thought it was time to get some outfits

for Remi Brown and Bobby Black's debut performance.

The true test of these outfits are, when we put them on,

no-one will even look at us, cos we're just there,

we're just in the world of Nashville.

♪ Cowboy ♪

Rom.

You've just got a normal shirt on. This is it.

I think this is all right.

You look a bit like um...

..if Humpty Dumpty was a cowboy.

I'm Bobby Black.

Rob, you're Bobby Cock.

You look awful.

Get changed.

Idiot.

He genuinely thought that was the look he was gonna go for.

It's insane!

Rob.

I like it!

It's good!

Why are you wearing that hat?

I know it's bold.

I look happy, don't I?

Rob, you look like a right-wing nutcase, mate.

Mate, you look great!

Your top half is so wide compared to your legs.

I can't believe somebody who looks like you

is criticising my appearance.

You look like racism.

Why don't you get changed, go and find a Klan outfit or something?

He's out of control here.

Every time he came out of that changing room,

I wanted to be involved in this less.

Rob. Yes?

I think I've got it.

Oh, mate, you look cool!

That looks good.

Before you say anything, this is a chance to experiment, OK?

What do I look like?

You look like you need a carer.

IN SOUTHERN ACCENT: I don't care, I love her!

Bizarrely, it's not the worst thing you've worn today.

This has been a massive waste of time, hasn't it?

Cos you're not even taking it seriously.

What you talking about?

OK, we're done here, Rob. What?

We're done. Yeah.

I would suggest, go for a look

that doesn't look like you've been -shagging your sister. -OK.

It was clear Rom and I still had some work to do,

but it wasn't long before we found the perfect outfits

for our performance.

I think that we've nailed it.

I just wanna get into Nashville looking the part, acting the part,

be in country music.

And where better to road test our new looks

than the Tennessee Goats, Music and More Festival?

Yes, thanks to Rob, instead of rehearsing,

we were gonna dress up like a couple of idiots and stare at some goats.

So, can you explain to me what it is we're actually doing here?

I thought we're gonna perform soon,

so we'll get in the headspace of performers.

It's a goat festival. Goats AND music.

Except there seemed to be a lot more goats than music.

But that was the least of our worries.

Nobody else is dressed like us, Rob.

It is early, though.

Once... Once what?

Give it an hour...

Is there a Twat Hour a bit later on, is there?

I also don't like this camera behind me, cos I've got no batty.

We're getting on, ain't we? Yeah.

This is what we need - a bit of camaraderie.

We've gotta perform together, so we've gotta...

I still don't think this is good prep for it, honestly.

As Rocky montages go, in preparation for the big fight,

this is dreadful!

When Rocky was preparing to fight Apollo Creed,

he did not go to an agricultural show.

I could tell Romesh was feeling tense about tonight's performance,

but I knew the perfect way to relax him.

We're quite keen on some goat yoga.

We're trying to get involved in the local traditions.

You're in the right place.

Yes, in this part of America, they love goats so much

they even do yoga with them.

This is so in the pocket for Rob Beckett.

I'm amazed it's not more insane.

I'm actually not ready for this.

Rock and roll. Here we go!

I feel like I'm in prison.

Oh!

Go on, Trish, drop one on him. No, do not, do not!

Do it.

Are you OK? Yeah, fine.

Never felt better, actually.

Shit in my hair. Are you serious?

Yes!

This is how I'm preparing to perform country music

for the first time in my life.

This is never the answer to something.

This is never the...

Oh, my God.

It's literally a metaphor for my career at this point.

What are we doing here?

It is insane.

We were finally on our way to our performance

in one of Nashville's most historic music venues.

But with almost no time left, now was the time for practice.

♪ Any time I see you

♪ I just see...

♪ A real nice guy Guy ♪

We're fucked.

With no more practice time left, the moment of truth had arrived.

The stage at Robert's Western World loomed.

A stage that had been graced by country legends

such as Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson,

and now... us.

The crowds in Nashville are notoriously unforgiving on new acts.

To be honest, my main concern was making it out alive.

I'm this close to ringing Shania Twain

and telling her to shove it up her arse.

At this moment, I hate country more -than I've ever hated it. -Yeah.

I don't know where the confidence has gone!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS)

Romesh and Rob perform a country song

after having gone to a goat festival and camped in the woods at night.

This is insane!

The preparation for this has been absolutely abysmal.

We've now spent an afternoon learning this song,

and now we're gonna perform it in Nashville!

For once, Romesh might be right.

I feel sick.

All right, we're gonna get a couple of guests up.

There was no putting off the inevitable.

And with Tyler and Meghan blocking our escape, we were up.

Rob and Romesh, everybody. Give it up for them.

Give them a warm Nashville welcome.

(APPLAUSE)

Yes!

Yes!

The Nashville crowd was waiting.

They were ready, but were we?

Whatever your expectations are, please lower them.

This was actually happening.

♪ Rode into Nashville, like cowboys, of course

♪ But Rob's teeth are so big, looks like a horse riding a horse

♪ Bobby grew a beard to look country and western

♪ But instead he looks like he's about to do some darn molesting

♪ Hey

♪ Hey, that's my friend Rob

That's Bobby Black to you, son!

♪ When I'm with Rom, his misery's an infection

♪ Plus, he can't make his eyes look in the same direction

♪ He says that he's a vegan, but it's a PR stunt

♪ Cos anyone who knows him, knows he's a lying

♪ Hey!

♪ Hey

♪ Hey, that's my friend Rom

That's Remi Brown to you, son.

♪ I don't even like you

♪ But I love you, that's a fact

♪ Used to be Rob and Romesh

♪ But now we're Remi Brown

♪ And Bobby Black

♪ Any time I see you

♪ I just see a real nice guy

♪ I promise I won't make another joke about your eye

♪ Together, we can make it

♪ It might seem a little vain

♪ But if we keep it up

♪ We might get as big as Shania Twain

Join in! I don't even like you

♪ But I love you, that's a fact

♪ We used to be Rob and Romesh

♪ But now we're Remi Brown

♪ And Bobby Black ♪

Thank you, Nashville! Yee-ha! Thank you so much!

Thank you!

I know it's five o'clock, but goodnight!

Thank you! (CHEERING)

That was the first of 12 songs we're gonna be performing.

Give it up for the band, ladies and gentlemen.

You know what, Rom, I'm quite proud of myself, OK?

Because I've never sung in public before.

And it was a bit shaky at times,

but the crowd cheered at the end and I enjoyed it.

Yeah.

We've come to Nashville and written and performed a country music song.

Shania Twain will be proud of us. Yeah.

It's about the struggle, innit? Yeah.

Do you think it's made you like country music any more?

It's actually made me like country music less.

I'll never do it again in my life, however, I'm glad I've done it.

Yeah.

I do feel like seeing country in this context,

I do get it a bit more.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I tell you what I consider a triumph,

that we haven't been beaten up wearing this stuff.

That is the biggest victory we can take from this.

Romesh, the night is young. That's true.

Can we have a beer and just forget -about this? -I'm gonna have 19 beers.

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