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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,920
The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.
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00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,240
ROB: Welcome to the special edition
of Rob and Romesh Vs.
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00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,600
Oh!
4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,920
Wahey!
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00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,520
ROMESH: Over the last four years,
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00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,480
we've thrown ourselves into
a whole host of different worlds...
7
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,840
To find out what we like...
(YELLING)
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00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,840
Oh!
..and what we don't.
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00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,440
Oh. Jesus Christ!
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00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,800
I don't like it, mate.
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00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,280
(BOTH SCREAMING)
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00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,640
From the catwalks of fashion...
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00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,480
-Love that!
-I look
like an intergalactic flasher.
14
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,160
..to the fields of the NFL...
Touchdown! There's the spike!
15
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,840
...the NBA courts...
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00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,080
..even Jamaican TV.
17
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,280
Please welcome Romesh Ranganathan
and Rob Beckett!
18
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,160
Tonight, we look back at
some of our favourite moments
19
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,080
from the past three series.
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00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,680
(YELLING)
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That's quite good, innit?
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Rom. Are you excited about fashion?
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00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,640
I just think that you're not
a fashion person
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00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,240
if the number one remit for a
garment is "Does it hide my tits?"
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00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,720
100 per cent. That's why
the bomber jacket is good.
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You've got your T-shirt down the
middle. Tit flanker in the jacket.
27
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,840
Yeah, that's why I always get
excited when it starts to get cold.
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-Layers.
-Because layers... Yeah.
-Layers are your friend.
-Oh, my God.
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They're such a friend.
So what would be your--
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What is your physical hang-ups?
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You do your top three, I'll do mine.
-OK. Stomach.
-Yeah.
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-Eye.
-Eye. I would say
the eye is distracting,
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00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,560
but gives you a bit of character.
What do you mean by distracting?
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00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,760
Sometimes, when I look at you,
I don't know which eye to pick.
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Sometimes it just goes
for bridge of nose.
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That is one of the worst things
-anyone's ever said to me.
-Really?
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But sometimes--
Only when I overthink it--
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I've known you for ten years.
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Are you telling me
that over that ten years--Yeah.
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00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,480
..you've had times when you think,
"I'll just look at his nose?"
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If you look at anyone
and overthink it, you panic
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and don't know where to look.
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00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,920
Rob, I'm not a car crash.
Sorry, I didn't-- I just--
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It's not just you--
"I don't know what to focus on
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00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,200
"when I'm looking at you."
Not all the time!
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00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,680
"I look at your nose to avoid
looking at your distracting eye."
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00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,440
And also, you said
it straight after
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I told you it's one
of my biggest hang-ups.
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You're literally--That is bad.
Literally, psychologically,
50
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,160
the worst strategy
you could have taken.
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Tell me your three hang-ups
so I can shit on 'em for you.
52
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,400
Sorry, that was bad.
So your belly, your eye, what else?
53
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,040
My arse.
Belly, eye, arse.
54
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My three... It counts as two
separate ones, tits and nipples.
55
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Tits and nipples.
Cos if the tits went,
56
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,920
the nipples are still a problem.
57
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,400
You can see, like, bulbous lumps
through my T-shirt sometimes.
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00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,920
-No, you can't.
-You can.
And that is what a friend does.
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00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,680
(LAUGHS)
OK? Cos I'll be honest with
you, I have noticed your nipples.
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00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,400
(LAUGHING)
But I didn't say it like that
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because I know how to deal
with a human and be a friend.
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00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:59,040
(LAUGHING HELPLESSLY)
"I have noticed your nipples!"
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00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,600
The moment had come.
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00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:07,960
It was time for us to do our final
photo shoot. In our underwear.
65
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,440
To say I was anxious
would be an understatement.
66
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,520
Everyone's got body hang-ups,
haven't they?
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00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,040
You know? I've got
larger than normal nipples.
68
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:22,000
Burger nips, Jaffa cake nips--
Jaffnips, they used to call me.
69
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:25,720
So I'm-- I'm, you know,
anxious about them.
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00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,040
But then, they're all gonna
be out, aren't they?
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00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:32,040
You know? SO I'm gonna be worried
about that, my little dick...
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00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,880
A number of things
will cause me anxiety,
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00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,600
but I've just gotta get on with it,
cos I wanna become a model.
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00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,280
-Boys.
-All right, Micky.
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00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,720
-Ah!
-The final photo shoot.
76
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,680
We're a bit nervous.
-I'msure.
-I'm not happy about this.
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I know this is scary,
but I know you can pull it off.
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I'm not pulling it off.
-Sexy.
-Oh, sorry. Yeah. The shoot.
79
00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:00,360
Now, we're recreating
the famous David Gandy
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00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,400
Dolce and Gabbana swimwear shoot.
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00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,800
It's fine. It is what it is.
I've not used any socks,
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00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,360
but, um, let's go with what
nature's provided.
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You can do this, Rob. You can do
-it.
-So you want me down there?
84
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,760
Yeah, you're straddling this here.
Sure.
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00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,040
(LAUGHS)
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00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,920
And Rom, you're back here.
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00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,760
So you're straddling as well,
but your head's coming this side.
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00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,800
(LAUGHS)
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00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,520
(SNORTS) Oh!
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00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,920
(ALL LAUGHING)
91
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,800
So--I feel like I'm in prison.
92
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,400
OK. Can you sit--
-Gotta sit upright.
-Higher.
93
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,400
That's--Oh! (LAUGHS)
Sorry, sorry.
94
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,360
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, that was so--
95
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Oh, that wasn't good.
I hope that was a sock, mate.
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00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,200
I haven't been this close
to my wife in about three weeks.
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00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,400
That's better. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that beard.
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00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,480
Mate, I can't.
Banter off for five minutes.
99
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,520
That's great.
You lean slightly over, Rob.
100
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,640
Your body leans slightly that way.
101
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,000
My body--Fabulous.
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It took a while, but eventually
we managed to stop laughing
103
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long enough for Nicky
to take some more photos.
104
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,800
Perfect. Bring your head forward
a little bit for me, Rom.
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We were starting
to feel like David Gandy.
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00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,840
That's great. It's heavenly.
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Finally, we were becoming models.
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Lovely.
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00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:32,840
-Yes!
-Oh, God!
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(LAUGHS) I can't do any more.
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00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,640
I'm done, mate! Fuck me!
112
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,160
Oh, fuck! Which way out?
113
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,200
(ALL LAUGHING)
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00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,880
Rob and I were in Birmingham, to
train with the city's prestigious
115
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,800
Birmingham Royal Ballet Company.
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And pas.
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After watching the professionals
in action...
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00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,320
We are bang in trouble.
119
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,680
..and taking to the dance floor
ourselves...
120
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,760
We look like shit.
121
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,480
..it turns out that,
frustratingly...
122
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:09,720
Good, Rob... Rob Beckett
is one graceful little prick.
123
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,560
Welcome to ballet.
124
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,320
Look at that.
125
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,840
Oh, check that.
126
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,120
Oh, I actually
like having hair this length.
127
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,000
I think it's--Can you imagine
you're at a nightclub or something?
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00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,960
Think, "Oh, she looks quite
stylish.""Oh, she's nice. Hey."
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00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,680
Oh! Urgh!
(ALL LAUGH)
130
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,960
Ahem. Excuse me, mate.
Uh, know where the toilets are?
131
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,640
Yes, I do, He-Man.
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00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,440
What do you reckon?
133
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,800
I actually think, weirdly,
that kind of suits you.
134
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,600
Oh, hello. Am I into death metal?
135
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,080
How do I... How heavy
do you like my metal? Very heavy.
136
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,040
(ALL LAUGHING) This is my favourite.
Do you know what?
137
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,320
That's the first one that actually
looks like it could be your hair.
138
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,800
Yeah, you-- I don't do telly
for a few years.
139
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,280
Yeah."What happened to Beckett?"
"Oh, he's running that--""Hi."
140
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,040
I'll be on Through the Keyhole.
Yeah.
141
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,280
"Yeah, he's just got
a lot of gothic stuff."
142
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,760
Beckett's opened
-that comic book shop.
-I love bats.
143
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,800
I love bats, comics... Yeah.
And rock hard riffs.
144
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,120
Yeah. And do you know what's
-so good about it?
-What's that?
145
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,000
You got the wig, your outfit's
compl--
146
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,480
That's exactly how they'd be.
-Yeah.
-The outfit, yeah.
147
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:23,280
Well, I opened the, um...
sort of Samurai sword shop in '93.
148
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,240
(LAUGHS)
149
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,240
Having tried on nearly every wig
in the department,
150
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:34,160
it was finally time to be fitted for
the wigs we'd be wearing on stage.
151
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,480
Oh, hello.
152
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,960
And they weren't quite
what we were expecting.
153
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,160
-Oh, hello. Oh.
-You've got a little
crown that goes over the top.
154
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,160
Oh, no.
(LAUGHING)
155
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,240
It's good-- Loads--
It's closer--
156
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,280
If you just hold on to the sides...
What am I playing?
157
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,880
What's my role? Paedophile?
-Just lower that onto your head.
-OK.
158
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,320
-Here-- Oh.
-Here we go.
And move your finger...
159
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,560
Do-- I-- I feel like
I need a moustache.
160
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,840
You have got a moustache.
-Thank you.
-Thank God.
161
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,160
Can't go curtains and--Can you
imagine he comes on like that?
162
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,960
Are you ready for your crowning
-glory?
-Yes, please.
163
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,680
Let's spin you a little bit.
And this...
164
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,480
This'll make--is what instigated
the CRB check.
165
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,720
♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da ♪
166
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,040
(ALL LAUGHING)
167
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,160
Hi, um, I've come for the job
about the au pair.
168
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,480
OK...
Welcome to parents' evening.
169
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,240
I honestly...
Your chi--
170
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,200
Welcome to parents' evening. Your
child has been excellent this year.
171
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,600
I don't think you could look more
like a paedophile than you do now.
172
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,200
You look like such a paedophile,
173
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,640
other paedophiles wouldn't hang out
with you, you're too obvious.
174
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,760
-I'm the giveaway.Yeah.
-The net
-would close.
-You'd blow their cover.
175
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,720
-As a mate... Yeah.
-I think you're
-a good-looking guy.
-Mmm.
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00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,840
But right now, you look so horrible
I can't even deal with it.
177
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,120
Loom... Imagine this looming over
-you.
-So disgusting. Just sweating.
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00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,480
Happy anniversary.
(LAUGHS)
179
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,200
(ALL LAUGHING)
180
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,400
But before we were allowed to strut
our stuff in the Bullring,
181
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,200
Marion had one final surprise,
182
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,120
as principal dancer Tyrone Singleton
introduced us
183
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:12,680
to the perfect way to wind down
after a busy day of ballet.
184
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,760
OK, so basically,
as a professional ballet dancer,
185
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,640
after a day's full hard work,
186
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,880
the best way to recuperate
your muscles
187
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,160
is to dunk yourself in this
here ice bath.
188
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,160
So... over to you. Good luck.
OK.
189
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,560
I'm not doing this.
This is mental, innit?
190
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,480
Right, I'll go this side. I'll go--
Just put your--
191
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:38,120
No, I'm not going in.
-It's like doing a shot, right?
-OK.
192
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,560
OK, feet.
193
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,480
(YELLING)
194
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,000
Oh, my--
195
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,120
It's getting cold.
It's getting worse.
196
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,440
It's not getting warm!
Supposed to get used to it.
197
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,560
(SCREAMS)
198
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,640
-Aaah!
-Oh, God! Aaah!
199
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,280
I can't do this. I can't do this.
I cannot do that.
200
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,400
Oh, my God.
(BOTH YELLING)
201
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,360
Aaah!(GASPING)
202
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,680
You all right, guys?
It doesn't-- I can't--
203
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,760
It's impossible to do, mate.
204
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,720
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
it's not pleasant,
205
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,280
but you've just gotta, like,
surrender to the pain.
206
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,480
-You just have to go through.
-OK.
207
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,960
I'm not gonna lie, you just gotta
jump in, gotta commit, go for it.
208
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,320
(BOTH SCREAMING)
209
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,360
(SCREAMING AND LAUGHING)
210
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,080
Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Help! Someone help! Someone help!
211
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,520
Oh, fuck me!
Someone help me!
212
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,080
Oh... Mate... Fuck!
213
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,400
Fuck you, Tyrone!
I've not got-- (YELLS)
214
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,200
Aaah!
(BOTH GASPING AND LAUGHING)
215
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,960
(SIGHING)
216
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,040
God, that is mental.
217
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,920
Did the training, done the ice bath,
218
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,840
now I'm gonna spend the next hour
trying to find my dick.
219
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,520
Let's go.
OK. I don't think it's in there.
220
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,680
ROB: Romesh and I had arrived
at Lincoln Field,
221
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,840
the home of the Philadelphia Eagles,
222
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,120
for the opening game of the season
against the Atlanta Falcons,
223
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:27,320
and I was determined to make it
a day even Rom would enjoy.
224
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,360
Here we are, Romesh.
Philadelphia Eagles.
225
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,480
I'm giving you
-the full NFL experience.
-Yeah.
226
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,840
-Tailgating.
-Yeah.
Booze, food and games.
227
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,480
Right.
My three favourite things.
228
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,800
What time is the actual game?
Fly, Eagles, fly.
229
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,640
No, no, no. What time is the actual
-game?
-Nine o'clock.
230
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,640
What time is it now? Three?
Three. Yeah.
231
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,760
Six hours?
232
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,240
-Yeah.
-So we're doing
a nine-hour day?
233
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,720
That's longer than my mum's
Royal Mail shift, mate.
234
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,640
You gotta soak it up, mate.
235
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,960
We were here six hours early
to meet the Eagles'
236
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,840
notoriously passionate fans
237
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,000
and experience the American
tradition of tailgating...
238
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,400
Go, Birds!
239
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:10,320
..where the faithful gather prior
to the game to drink beer...
240
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,320
ALL: Eagles!
241
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,520
..burn meat...
242
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,200
ALL: Eagles!
(CHEERING)
243
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,440
..and shout...
ALL: Eagles!
244
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:21,800
..a lot.
(CHANTING) E-A-G-L-E-S! Eagles!
245
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,640
Eagles! Eagles!
246
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,760
-Good!Yeah!
-Yeah!
247
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,120
Oh, yeah!
248
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,440
Whoo!
ALL: Yeah!
249
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,920
(CHEERING)
Yeah!
250
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,720
Whoo!
Go, Birds! Yeah!
251
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,280
I tell you what, Romesh,
I'm fuckin' 'avin' it now.
252
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,720
After nine of these and that shot,
I'm into it.
253
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,720
MAN: Go, Birds!
That's it. Eagles!
254
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,400
(DRUMMING)
ALL: # Fly, Eagles, fly ♪
255
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,240
But to be considered a true fan,
256
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,000
you need to undertake
the beer bong baptism,
257
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,520
which consists of two pints of
American lager
258
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,280
poured through a funnel
directly into your mouth.
259
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,760
-Are you ready?Yes!
-Yes!
To join Eagles Nation?
260
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,960
And the man in the hat is E-Rock,
261
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,680
the self-proclaimed undisputed
King of Tailgating.
262
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,120
Yes!
263
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,120
(ALL SHOUTING)
264
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,720
And we drink...
265
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,000
Drink, bitches!
266
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,600
(ALL CHEERING)
267
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,960
ALL: E-A-G-L-E-S! Eagles!
268
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,440
Eagles!
269
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,240
(CHEERING)
270
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,040
Yes!
WOMAN: Beer gods!
271
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,080
That was... Light work!
Congratulations, you guys!
272
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,880
None of it on you.
(LAUGHS)
273
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,120
I'm throwing it out there, Rom.
Thanks for that!
274
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,600
I think this might be
better than the actual game.
275
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,400
I've got absolutely no doubt
about that.
276
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,640
I feel like
I'm at an actual frat party.
277
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,560
What I would say is they can't
really-- they can't really drink.
278
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,120
I mean--They can't. They can't.
They think they can.
279
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,360
What's that? Like,
a cup of little... piss beer?
280
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,360
And then those shots!
I mean, it's insane.
281
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,600
What was that? Ribena?
But that's what's so funny.
282
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,320
It's really intimidating.
You go, "Oh my God, they're on it."
283
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,040
You try it and go, "All right,
this is Ribena. Nice."
284
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,240
I wanna bring 'em to the football.
Like, "Shall we do it? Aaah!"
285
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,720
I wanna take 'em Millwall,
286
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,760
where they've gotta do 15 pints of
Stella then try and watch a game.
287
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,360
Guys, you like to do a shot of
Ribena and some piss-weak beer.
288
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,360
We like to do 15 pints and then
stab someone in a car park.
289
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,720
I love it.
I do love it. I love it.
290
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,200
I've never had this much fun
in a car park.
291
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,560
I've never had
-this much fun with you.
-Aww!
292
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,640
Cheers, Bobby.
Let's do it. Tailgate.
293
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,920
Eagles!
294
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,880
Romesh and I are in LA learning
all we can about basketball.
295
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,360
Our training session this morning
had been an absolute nightmare.
296
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,480
Here! That's you!
ALL: Ohh! ROB: Yes!
297
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,440
And what was supposed to be a
post-workout relaxing spa trip
298
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,600
was quickly becoming a disaster.
299
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,080
-I don't need water up me arse.
-Your
colon is the sewer of your body.
300
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,680
My colon's a sewer?
301
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,720
There was no turning back now.
302
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,040
I was about to have my first ever
colonic irrigation treatment,
303
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,320
and to top it off, Rom was coming
along for the ride.
304
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,440
-Hi.
-Hiya, you all right?
How are you today?
305
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,000
-Yeah, I'm all right.
-OK, Rob.
306
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,040
I'm Chantilly, I'm gonna
be your therapist today.
307
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,240
-And Romesh.
-Nice to meet you.
OK, all I need you to do
308
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,480
is just lie on your back
-so we can get you started.
-OK.
309
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,880
Now, what's your reason
you're having the colonic today?
310
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,840
Um, a woman--An iPad.
Yeah, an iPad-- lady with an iPad
311
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,920
told me that it was essential.
312
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,840
-OK.
-I don't know
the best way to say this.
313
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,160
How much tube will be in my bottom?
314
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,440
About a half inch.
-Half an inch.
-Yes, sir.
315
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,160
And who inserts the tube?
Rob will insert the tube.
316
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,360
I will help him guide it in,
but he will definitely insert it.
317
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,560
So, this is the tube.
Oh, for--Shit.
318
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,080
OK, so we're gonna
get you started now.
319
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,520
-Don't jump.OK.
-Just, I want you
to breathe and relax if you can.
320
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,720
-Let me have your hand.
-Oh, my God.
-You just insert it.
-Oh!
321
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:50,440
Guide it in. I need you to breathe
and relax.(SIGHS)
322
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,560
Very good, breathe and relax.
323
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,520
-Oh!OK.
-Oh, my God.
I'm connecting your speculum.
324
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,440
-You're connecting my speculum?
-Yes.
Take a deep breath. OK?
325
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,880
Go ahead and turn
-on your back.
-On my back?
326
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,280
Keep your knees bent, because my
hand will be here most of the time.
327
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,880
This is mental.
OK.
328
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,600
How much are you enjoying
your NBA experience so far?
329
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,920
I thought there would be
more basketball.
330
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,280
OK, Rob, if you could look
over here?
331
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,960
-Yeah.
-This tube gives you water.
332
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,240
-OK.
-So, right now I'm filling you
with water.
333
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,200
-You're filling me with water.
-Yes.
I'm going to release the pressure.
334
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,400
Oh, yeah, there it is, that's--
335
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,200
OK, I'm gonna flush you again.
That actually-- that is better.
336
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,640
That is quite comfortable.
-Does that feel nice?
-OK, good.
337
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,040
You're doing really well.
338
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,520
OK, I'll give you a little massage
-on the tummy.
-Where's that going?
339
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,160
This is going--On my tummy? OK.
Yes. Here on your sigmoid area.
340
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,160
You're doing really great, mate.
341
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,840
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
-Oh!
-Well done.
342
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,360
This is good.(LAUGHS)
Do you want me to...
343
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,600
Yeah, actually--Right up in here.
344
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,880
Yeah, because you can focus
on the feeling then.
345
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,920
(LAUGHS)
346
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,840
Oh!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
347
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,280
Oh, this is not good!
Oh, no, my botty!
348
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,120
Aaah-- Ohhh!
349
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,120
Chantilly! (GROANS)
I'll bring it back now.
350
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,600
(CHUCKLES)
Oh!
351
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,720
And take a deep breath again.
352
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,680
Your stool is starting
to release right now.
353
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,520
Oh, that's my-- There it is.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
354
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,720
(EXHALES)
355
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,040
I don't ever want to
look at that tube again.
356
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,520
(LAUGHING) Oh, God!
Why are you looking?
357
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,680
Why--I can't! I can't!
358
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,520
I've just seen--
OK, take another deep breath
359
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,800
and just relax your core.
-Relax the core.
-Mm-hm.
360
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,080
Pretty backed up there.
361
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:35,560
-I am backed up, ain't I?
-Mm-hm.
-That does happen when I fly.
-Yeah.
362
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,960
They're starting to break apart,
faecal matter.
363
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,280
Oh, Jesus!
-There we go.
-There we go.
364
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,560
A lot coming out, isn't there,
-Chantilly?
-Yeah.
365
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,400
Oh, fuck. Please!
It looks like a bitter shandy.
366
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,560
Oh, God! (WHIMPERS)
-OK.
-Oh!
367
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,440
It's a bit red, as well.
Ohhh!
368
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,520
-Yeah.
-Is that too red?
No, that's what you've eaten.
369
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,280
Something in the colon.
-Beetroot.
-Yes.
370
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,600
It's firing through now, innit?
371
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,680
-Oh, my God.
-OK. You feel it?
It's marching out of me.
372
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,960
Yes, it's the gas pressure.
Oh, my God.
373
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,280
And just breathe.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
374
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,960
Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
375
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,720
Chantilly, I don't like
looking at that.
376
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,600
-Oh, Jesus!
-There we go,
That's a lot.
377
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,640
Oh, my God. That's one of the worst
things I've ever seen.
378
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,200
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God!
379
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,920
It feels like there's been a fire
alarm in my stomach.
380
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,400
Are you feeling a little lighter
-in the area?
-Yes.
381
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,680
OK. I'm gonna send you
to the restroom.(GROANS)
382
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,640
Rom, will you get out of the way?
383
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,360
Will I be able to get to the
-restroom?
-You will.
384
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,920
-OK.OK.Good luck.
-Yes,
-turn to the side.
-OK. Oh, my God.
385
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,160
-And--Oh, my God.
-Go, go, go.
386
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,360
-Oh!
-Thank you. Take your time!
387
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,800
That was a good one.
(GROANS)
He had a great cleaning.
388
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,360
I need a moment. (GROANS)
389
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,120
(TOILET FLUSHES)
390
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,960
So, to teach us our routines,
391
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,520
Alan hooked us up with
some of his friends.
392
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,120
Rob was paired up with his
drag mother, Dolly Trolley.
393
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,480
-Hello.
-Hello, darling.
I need-- I need help.
394
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,960
And I was with the sassy CaraMel.
395
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,720
-Hello, hello.
-You're a cutie!
Hello, how are you?
396
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,480
♪ Who's a sexy chick? ♪
397
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,800
I feel weirdly more confident
398
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,280
when we have all the makeup
and the clothes on,
399
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,280
but doing it dressed like
I'm going for a run--You feel--
400
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,760
It feels a bit more--
it's a bit more nervy.
401
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,960
Yeah, as if this makes it more
-sensible.
-I know. It's mad, innit?
402
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,600
You know what'd make this easier?
A full face of makeup and a dress.
403
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,880
So before we could learn our
routines--
404
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,000
OK, I'm ready.
That's all right, isn't it?
405
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,800
..we got into character by
finding our inner queens.
406
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,000
I look like the head of the
Asian Metallica fan club.
407
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,120
Oh, she's gorgeous!
408
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,720
Oh, there we go.
She's ready for the nightclub.
409
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,560
-That's better, innit?
-Yeah.
410
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,840
This isn't drag, is it? Look at me.
411
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,600
Look like I've just come out of the
toilets at Gatwick. On a stag do.
412
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,640
"Oh, we've got my wig
and some shoes."
413
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,000
Lovely. Should we
have a strip to Madonna?
414
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,600
Yeah, why not?
Let's do it.
415
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,720
If this ain't the time, when is it?
416
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,520
♪ Come on, girls
417
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,200
♪ You believe in love? ♪
418
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,240
Rob's screwed. He's got
no musical ability whatsoever.
419
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,920
Here we go, slow, slow, quick,
quick, quick, quick.
420
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,000
♪ Put your love to the test ♪
421
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,200
So in terms of him having to do
something to music
422
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,040
while dressed as a woman?
423
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,720
(LAUGHS)
# Then you know your love is real ♪
424
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,400
He's done.
# Express yourself ♪
425
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,280
-Lovely.
-That was all right,
weren't it?
426
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,120
-To be honest?
-Yeah.
427
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,600
I don't think we're gonna
make you too dancey.
428
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,040
♪ I can't take this ♪
429
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,320
And if Rob wasn't gonna
be too dancey...
430
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,520
what was expected of me seemed
to be the exact opposite.
431
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,240
♪I'm tellin' you
Loosen up my buttons, babe
432
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,240
♪ Uh-huh!
# But you keep frontin', uh
433
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,280
♪ Sayin' what you gon' do to me
434
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,240
♪ Uh-huh!
# But I ain't seen nothin'
435
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,800
♪ I'm telling you to ♪
436
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,120
Stop!
437
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,800
OK, there's absolutely no--
(BOTH LAUGHING)
438
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,040
There's absolutely no way
I'm gonna do any of that.
439
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,520
-That was amazing.
-Whoo! Thank you.
That was really good.
440
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,480
-I know, right?
-How long did it take
to put that together?
441
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,600
Oh, honey, it took me, like, a day.
442
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:09,000
Honey, I'm gonna take this spirit,
this talent and throw it in you.
443
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,840
Help you receive it.
Let's go. Come on.
444
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,520
♪ This ain't gonna be easy ♪
445
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,880
Yep, Cara was a mean task master.
Let's go!
446
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,680
And if I was gonna have to learn a
new routine...
447
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,880
Fuck!
..I had my work cut out.
448
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,400
♪ Dah, dah, dah-dah-dah ♪
449
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,240
Dah... dah...
450
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:33,040
Bend forward. And if you can,
look at your booty.
451
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,120
And then whip.
452
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,840
Hup, hup, hup.
Aaah!
453
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,520
And then down, up. Come on.
454
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,800
-Hold on.
-You can--
I'm not gonna be able to do that.
455
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,960
All right, then do-- Yep, yep.
Ha, ha!
456
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,040
Anything that requires getting up
off the floor,
457
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,440
going down to the floor,
458
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,280
any illusion that I might have
created is smashed to pieces.
459
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,080
I mean, come on. Because I can't
get up gracefully.
460
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,560
I watch Cara do it,
she's bang, straight up.
461
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,840
I do it, it's like I'm getting up
from having a fall.
462
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,240
Get up! Up, up! Come on!
463
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,920
Poke that booty out,
bring it down low.
464
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,920
Now shake it. Uh! Uh! Uh!
465
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,440
If you stick your tongue out,
sometimes it helps.
466
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,600
-Uh!
-Uh!
467
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,480
Now spin. Ah!
468
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,440
Uh! Uh!
Uh!
469
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,360
-Yes!
-Oh, fuckin' hell.
470
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,960
Oh, no, she's tired.
471
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,480
Oh. No, I'm dizzy.
Uh-oh--
472
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,200
-Holy shit.
-Medic!
473
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,240
Medic!
Oh, God!
474
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,560
But if our dancing
wasn't bad enough,
475
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,720
we were also going to have
to lip-sync.
476
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,560
My instinct just tells me,
go out there,
477
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,120
and if I keep just going "I'm
every woman" and just go mental...
478
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,000
Yeah... I reckon I could
drag it through on energy.
479
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,880
As long as I know that "I'm every
woman" bit, that's--
480
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,800
the main bit
of the song, innit?
481
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,560
♪ I'm every woman #
(# SINGS ALONG)
482
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,280
♪ It's all in me ♪
483
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,760
♪ Anything you want now, baby #
(# VOCALISING)
484
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:59,160
When I look in the mirror,
I just... # Naturally ♪
485
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,000
(LAUGHS) I see half an act.
486
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,080
♪ I'm every woman #
(# SINGS ALONG)
487
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:07,280
♪ It's all in me ♪
488
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,600
I just don't know where
the other half is.
489
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,840
And I don't know if I will find it.
490
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,560
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
491
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,920
That was quite good, weren't it?
# Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
492
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,920
-Really good.
-Yeah, I mean--Even
if you--Look, let's face facts.
493
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,880
It was out of time,
I don't know any of the words,
494
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,000
and I was late to certain points
of that quite dramatically.
495
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,920
Well, I'm bang in trouble, aren't I?
496
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,800
We all know that.
Do you know how I know that?
497
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,000
Normally, when we film this, there's
a bit of laughter with the crew.
498
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,120
Silence. Just a worrying dread.
499
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,320
I'm in so much trouble.
500
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,480
It turns out lip-syncing
isn't as easy as I thought.
501
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,560
And back in the other room...
502
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:54,160
♪ Our love is here to stay
Yeah, yeah, ooh ♪
503
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,760
Lip-syncing
wasn't a problem for me.
504
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,320
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
-But my dance
routine definitely was.
505
00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:02,560
♪ My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't ♪
506
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:07,560
♪ My anaconda don't want none
Unless you got buns, hun
507
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:08,840
♪ Oh, my God ♪
508
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,400
Cara's such an incredible dancer.
509
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,880
Oh, shit!
510
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,280
And I'm so incredibly shit
at dancing.
511
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,800
There's one move in particular
512
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,480
where I've got to sort of
sexily slink to the ground
513
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,880
into kind of a pussycat
wanting to fuck position,
514
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,800
is the best way to describe it.
515
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,400
(LAUGHING)
516
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:32,520
I can't do it without
looking like I'm gonna cry.
517
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,240
I've managed to take
the light out of her eyes
518
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,040
with my complete inability
to work my arse.
519
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,560
I mean, I've got the--
520
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,600
(MUSIC STOPS)
521
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,200
OK! Um...
522
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,280
(LAUGHS)
523
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:52,040
That was cute. I forgot the music
stopped for a second.
524
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,160
I was just so in a trance...
525
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,560
by your, um, floor work.
526
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,600
Ahem.
527
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:02,800
I am very, very, very, very far
528
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,960
from where I wanted and expected
to be at this stage.
529
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,560
I've done a shitload of training
530
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,520
and I am nowhere near
where I need to be.
531
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,880
So between now and the performance,
I'm gonna have to work my arse off.
532
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,000
That was your ending, sweetheart.
533
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,760
Thank you.
534
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,800
♪ Well, I'm back
535
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,360
♪ Are you pleased to see me? ♪
536
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,120
ROB: Whoa! Yes!
537
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,400
-AJ, we're back again.
-Yeah.
The journey continues.
538
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,920
What annoyed me about the last one
we did was that AJ really liked you.
539
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,520
You know, like,
I wanted to be his pal.
540
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,760
-Yeah.
-You know, because
I'm a big boxing fan.
541
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,000
He's one of the coolest men
on the planet.
542
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,520
Do you not think
you come across as a bit...
543
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,920
-You're yappy, aren't you?
-I'm
a bit needy. I'm a bit too full-on.
544
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,960
In your heart... Yeah...you're
a wonderful, wonderful person.
545
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:06,880
-Yeah.I love you.
-OK.
But encased in that... Yeah?
546
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,080
It's like the tiniest Russian doll
is the good Rob Beckett,
547
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:11,720
and then around that... Yeah.
548
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,320
..there's six other, progressively
larger Russian dolls
549
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,360
of an annoying prick,
-do you see what I mean?
-Sure.
550
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,320
So once you know that little...
Yeah...the tiny one's in there...
551
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,520
Yeah...you go "Do you know what?
I'll put up with this."So...
552
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,720
someone like AJ's just seeing
the Russian doll that's a prick?
553
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,840
Yeah, and also, it was almost like
you put on another--
554
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,200
another coat of prick...
Yeah,..before you met him,
555
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,360
because you were so keen
to... Be pals.
556
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,840
I think I got him to sign
too many gloves.
557
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,720
Well, you-- Eight gloves, right?
Yeah.
558
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,640
I text him as well. So bleak.
559
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,000
I text him like, the day after we
met, saying, "Hey, AJ."
560
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,440
Jesus Christ.
Uh, "Good to-- good to meet ya."
561
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,840
I bet you did a little, sort of,
trying to put a gag in.
562
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,560
I think I did a emoji boxing glove,
which I think I regret--
563
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,000
That was the the day after?
-The day after.
-OK...
564
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,000
And what did he say
in his reply?
565
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,840
-Well, he didn't reply.
-Oh, no.
That's right. He didn't reply.
566
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,960
OK, so, then... Yeah.
-He doesn't reply.
-No.
567
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,400
So you text him again...
Yeah...a month later.
568
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,880
And what did you say in that text?
"Hey, AJ."
569
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,920
-Did you say "Hey, AJ" again?
-Yeah.
570
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,600
"Hey, AJ, got my tour show next
week. Do you fancy coming?"
571
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,120
So desperate.
Right? It gets worse.
572
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,320
-On the beg. Go on.
-So then, that
was a week...(LAUGHS)..before.
573
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,320
No reply.
574
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:27,520
"Hey, AJ."Oh, my God.
Did you honestly?
575
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,800
-Third?
-Uh... A third text?
576
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,760
"Hey, AJ, I've got you
on the guest list, plus--"
577
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,320
I think it was, like, ten.
578
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,760
"I'm gonna have to, like, release
some. Let me know."Oh, my God.
579
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,800
You put the false pressure on it!
580
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,840
-Oh, my God!
-I did say it.
But it had sold well,
581
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,800
so I did wanna try and sell 'em
if he weren't coming.
582
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,080
Nothing. And then I've not replied
-since.
-Well done.
583
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,640
-Yeah.
-Right. Playing it cool.
584
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,040
Send him a text now.
I can't, I'm driving.
585
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,240
Give us--No, no, no, no, no, no,
-no, no, no.
-Look, dude.
586
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,240
-No!
-No, dude, just let me text him.
What's your--No.
587
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,160
Because he's gonna think
I'm a dick.
588
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,360
"Anthony Joshua."Oh, God. I wasn't
sure, but I thought it'd be funny.
589
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,240
"Hello, mate. I've got you down on
my guest list
590
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,680
"provisionally coming to my gig."
Oh, God! Provisionally!
591
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,480
I said provisionally!(LAUGHS)
592
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,520
Aaaagh!"Do you reckon--"
Oh, this is awful.
593
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:15,960
Stop reading. Please stop reading.
594
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,920
Oh, my God, there's another one!
-No!
-Fuck! Mate!
595
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,640
You--(LAUGHING) What did I say?
596
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,360
What did I say?
I don't wanna hear it!
597
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,400
I don't wanna hear!
Put a song on.
598
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,400
What have I said?
"Good luck tomorrow, mate.
599
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,880
"Remember, it's just a hobby
that's got outta hand."No!
600
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,040
"Enjoy it, Beckett."
Oh, that's awful!
601
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,640
Beckett! (LAUGHS)
That's awful.
602
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,480
Because he said--
We were chatting about it. Oh, no.
603
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,360
Oh, God, no. Oh!
(LAUGHING HELPLESSLY)
604
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,320
Ugh!"Good luck tomorrow, mate."
Oh, no, I've given him advice.
605
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,080
"Remember, it's just a hobby
that's got outta hand."Oh, no!
606
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,920
Why've I given AJ adv--Why did you
sign it Beckett like you're mates?
607
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,720
I'm trying to be friends with him,
ain't I?
608
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,360
I'm really trying hard to be friends
with Anthony Joshua.
609
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:57,400
-Oh,God.
-Fucking hell, that's good.
(LAUGHS)
610
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,560
When we interview him, you are
gonna bring that up immediately.
611
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,680
100 per cent.
First thing.
612
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,680
So we're gonna look at Rob's, then?
Yeah, sure.
613
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,080
-Oh.
-Yeah. I wanted to do more,
614
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,520
but I thought the point
of restriction was to not.
615
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,800
But it looks more like a burger,
doesn't it?
616
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,720
Maybe it needs a bit of freedom.
Maybe this--
617
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,160
this is restriction,
and now freedom's here.
618
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,680
-Yeah?
-I think we made a coll--
619
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,280
Ooh. It's a freedom-restriction
collab.
620
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:29,920
-Yes!
-There he is.
621
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,960
But if that's Romesh's...
Yeah, you've gotta do yours now.
622
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,320
-All right.
-This is Rob's.
623
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,200
(LAUGHS) Fucking hell!
624
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,640
It got on his teeth.
It went in my mouth!
625
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,680
I was fine with it,
it went in my mouth.
626
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,640
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Go on, make your mark.
627
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,480
What are you doing?
628
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,760
Oh, yours actually looks
like a face.
629
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,680
Oh, my--
Fuck's-- You look like a pirate.
630
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,840
-You hit me so hard.
-Sorry, sorry.
You went like that.
631
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,680
It was so forceful, it went
-in my mouth.
-I'm so sorry.
632
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,440
Oh, there's a bit of wood there!
(LAUGHS HELPLESSLY)
633
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,000
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, God!
634
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,600
Oh!
(BOTH SIGHING)
635
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,640
Oh! Do you know what? I think maybe
I need a bit of restriction.
636
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,440
Oh!
637
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,520
Now that we've been initiated
as honorary safari rangers,
638
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,480
head vet William Fowlds had
a special job for us.
639
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,320
OK, so the plan is to do
a management procedure
640
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:36,800
on a female white rhino.
641
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,680
-OK.
-Uh, she hasn't conceived,
642
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,560
so we just wanna make sure
that that is the case.
643
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,120
OK. So how did you find out if she's
-pregnant?
-We're gonna scan her.
644
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,560
That's the 100 per cent way
-of doing it.
-Yeah.
645
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,360
If she's positive,
she's definitely pregnant.
646
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,600
-OK.
-It's a rectal scan,
but in order to get the probe in,
647
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,640
we've gotta clear out her rectum
of all that digested grass.
648
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,520
-Yeah.
-So what I need you to do
is help me clear out the rectum.
649
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,880
There's a lot of grass there, they
eat an enormous amount of food.
650
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,840
It sounds like you're saying that
we're gonna clear out the rectum.
651
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,080
Yeah, that's exactly what
you're gonna be doing.
652
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:11,920
-Rectum's the arse, innit?
-Yes.
653
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,880
Clearly, we've become the go-to guys
for faecal-related challenges.
654
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,200
But before we could get stuck
into the task at hand,
655
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,200
we had to locate the rhino, which
meant, as William took to the air...
656
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,560
MAN ON RADIO: The signal is in
that direction you're flying now.
657
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,840
..we followed in hot pursuit
on the ground.
658
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,400
Rob, I'm gonna tell you this now.
-Mate.
-Genuinely buzzing.
659
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,440
We're trackin' a rhino!
660
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,360
-See the chopper.
-The chopper.
661
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,440
There's info on rhinos
if you wanna look?
662
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,160
Thanks, I'm all right.
Don't know if we'll see a rhino.
663
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,800
I'm seeing a bellend.
What's that?
664
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,520
Huh? Nothing.
(LAUGHING) Can't hear a word!
665
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,640
MAN ON RADIO: There's the signal.
666
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,680
William had spotted our rhino.
But there was a problem.
667
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,320
Oh, yeah.
There were two of them.
668
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,680
So what will we do with the other
rhino? What happens there?
669
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,760
-We'll do one each.
-One each?
670
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,080
All right.
671
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,800
OK, I won't be doing that after,
I'll tell you.(GROANS)
672
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:18,800
Now in our sights, William will need
to put the two-ton animal to sleep.
673
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,440
Yeah, it looks good.
You can dart when you're ready.
674
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:22,960
Yeah, let's go.
675
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,000
And surprisingly, it wasn't
by watching an hour of cricket,
676
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:30,800
but a jumbo-sized tranquilliser...
(DART FIRES) ..to the arse.
677
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,480
WILLIAM ON RADIO:
OK, the dart is in.
678
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,520
As soon as the rhino goes down,
we move in.
679
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,720
Oh, my God.
And you grease up your arm.
680
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:44,000
With the arse dart taking
just minutes to kick in,
681
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,360
the team swings into action.
682
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,840
But with the danger of the other
rhino charging in at any moment,
683
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,880
the helicopter heads back
into the sky
684
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,480
to herd any threats
away from the team.
685
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,760
I'm a bit concerned
about what we've gotta do, though.
686
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,440
Cos we got a two-minute briefing,
687
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,440
but I don't know if that's long
enough.
688
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,760
I'd argue that
the hand up the arse stuff
689
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,000
should have been a bit more
detailed before it was started.
690
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:16,000
I mean, I suppose, what can you say?
-Put it up there, scoop it out.
-Yeah.
691
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,560
So with one rhino on the run
and another out for the count...
692
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,360
Guys, I'm going rectal.
693
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,160
Because he'd lost the spitting
challenge, Rob was going in first.
694
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,720
Give me your hand here.
As much lube as possible.
695
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,600
Happy to do anything for the lady.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Oh, God!
696
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,840
All right, in you go.
Good luck, Bob.
697
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,920
OK. I'm bit too eager there,
ain't I?
698
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,680
-So just do it like that?
-Yeah.
699
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,160
And you'll feel the difference
between squishy membranes...
700
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,160
(GAGS)..and grass.
I don't like it, mate.
701
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,120
Still glad we're missing
the cricket, you prick?
702
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,680
Rob was first up.
I hoped he was only up.
703
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,840
-Oh!
-There we go. Well done.
First one. Next.
704
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,400
-Next.
-You have a go.
705
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,200
You're not done.
Where's your glove? I can't do it.
706
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,480
I don't-- I don't wanna go back in.
Don't wanna go back in.
707
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,480
Rob lost his temper.
708
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,240
Oh, mate-- (LAUGHS) Do you--
Look, get your glove on!
709
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,160
Why's he not got a glove on?
Someone get him a glove.
710
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,200
I think we ran out of gloves, eh?
Get him a glove or we'll fall out.
711
00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:15,000
There's no way we've come this far
712
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,560
for only one of us
to go up that rhino.
713
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,760
In you go, boy. There you go,
bit of lube, come on.
714
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,240
-OK. Straight in.
-So, you'll feel
the wet, moist membranes,
715
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,480
and then just keep going until
you feel the grass balls.
716
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,320
I have to get really in here.
717
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,760
I think it's coming out of her
mouth. You might wanna ease off.
718
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:36,720
The inside of a rhino's arse
is... is distinctly unpleasant,
719
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,400
and that's even before
we talk about the smell.
720
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,720
My arm, I think for the next
six to eight months
721
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,680
is gonna smell like
the inside of that rhino.
722
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,480
So, having got closer to a rhino
than we'd ever expected to,
723
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,720
it was time for head vet William...
724
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,120
He's gone there, mate, ain't ya?
Fully in.
725
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,080
..to make his assessment.
726
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,040
Not pregnant.
-Not pregnant.
-Not pregnant.
727
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,320
So there's a slight chance that...
728
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,040
that uterus is just still
out of my reach.
729
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,760
I don't think you could have give
any more there, mate.
730
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:15,200
We're going to see if we can pick
-it up on the blood test.
-OK.
731
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,800
♪ It's the Circle of Life ♪
732
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,840
So now we're waiting on the blood
tests to see if she was pregnant.
733
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,160
Some would argue, just do the blood
tests, but, you know.
734
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,960
Think there's a strong argument
for that.
735
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,680
(LAUGHS)
736
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,600
(WHISPERS) This is insane.
737
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,360
-What's going on?
-I thought I lost
my phone.
738
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:40,120
What, you left it up there?
Like, I'd go back in. Ring it.
739
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,160
That was unbelievable.
740
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:46,720
I mean, rhino shit aside,
that was truly amazing.
741
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,200
Missing the cricket
to do something like this
742
00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:53,680
was actually pretty special,
but I am now itching to get back.
743
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:59,960
♪ The Circle of Life ♪
744
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,240
It was the end of our first day
in Jamaica,
745
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,840
and so far we'd learned nothing
about Usain Bolt.
746
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,240
I was hoping we could finally
discuss the interview
747
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,840
over some dinner.
748
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,360
It's like the, uh...
a date scene off Love Island.
749
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,440
If you take Usain--
What's with your tongue?
750
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,200
Your tongue hovers when you eat.
If you take Usain Bolt--
751
00:36:26,240 --> 00:36:29,000
Go on, eat that again.
No, I was about to eat--
752
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,040
Yeah, when you do that, you go...
753
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,600
It's that little lizard.
I was debating whether--Show me.
754
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,480
There he is.
755
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,000
-I don't do that.
-Youdo.
756
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,240
Well, that's this meal ruined.
(LAUGHS)
757
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,360
I'll drink, unless my dick
comes out when I do that.(LAUGHS)
758
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,120
Oh!
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
759
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,200
(SIGHS) It's nice chatting, ain't
it?
760
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:57,000
Feels like it's run
its course a bit, but yeah.
761
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,640
It was re-- (LAUGHS)
762
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,120
What's wrong with you?
(LAUGHING)
763
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,880
Fair play,
you owned how you eat now.
764
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,400
(LAUGHS)
Carry on with your story?
765
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,760
(LAUGHING HELPLESSLY)
766
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,560
Why are you doing,
-like, a villain laugh?
-Oh!
767
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,880
Oh, it's so disgusting!
768
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,800
You're like some sort of tofu perv.
769
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,280
As the sun set on day two
of our time in Jamaica,
770
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,880
there was still one thing
left to do.
771
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:37,120
Unbelievably, we're about to dance
live on national television.
772
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,960
(# DANCEHALL SONG PLAYS)
773
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,680
When we arrived at the TV broadcast,
filming had already begun,
774
00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,160
and as the first acts
took to the stage,
775
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,280
even I started to have some doubts.
776
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,160
We weren't due on stage
for over an hour,
777
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,080
so we had time for some desperate
last-minute practice.
778
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,960
How are you feeling?
I don't-- I sort of, uh...
779
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,440
It's OK practising up here,
780
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,840
but when we're actually
out there... Yeah.
781
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,480
..you're gonna properly
shit yourself.
782
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,080
I've had four whiskies.
783
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,240
Our mentors and partners
from the Ravers Clavers had arrived,
784
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,400
but even they couldn't give us a
much needed confidence boost.
785
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,840
It's just so intense here,
it's so loud.
786
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,880
Um, it's intense, it's terrifying,
it's intimidating.
787
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,840
And it's Rob's fault.
788
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,520
It's all Rob's fault that
we're here doing this.
789
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,520
The Clavers were not looking
for new members.
790
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,560
And now we're here,
like a pair of pricks,
791
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,280
going to do this thing.
792
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,680
We're gonna die tonight.
793
00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,840
We're gonna die, and I don't mean
in a comedic, nobody's laughing,
794
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:58,080
I mean, somebody will kill us
for insulting their culture.
795
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,480
The waiting was torture,
796
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,760
but finally, we were given
the call to head backstage.
797
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,640
We would be on after
the next commercial break.
798
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,680
Oh, I feel so sick.
799
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:16,320
That is the worst we've ever done.
The most-- The most nervous.
800
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,600
This is possibly the most nervous
I've ever been.
801
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,680
I'm more nervous now than
I was my first ever gig.
802
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,120
Because deep down,
I always knew I could be funny,
803
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,320
but deep down I know I cannot dance.
804
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,640
I felt like reminding Rob
for the tenth or 12th time
805
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,920
that he was completely responsible
for what was about to happen,
806
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,720
but as the presenter
had stepped up to introduce us,
807
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:37,320
our time had come.
808
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,760
All right, we have
something special for you.
809
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:43,880
Please welcome to the stage,
all the way from the UK,
810
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:49,120
Romesh Ranganathan and Rob Beckett,
joined by the Ravers Clavers!
811
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:50,640
(HORNS BLARE)
-Oh, God.
-Oh, shit.
812
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,320
We were about to dance live
on Jamaican national television.
813
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,680
-Oh, God!
-Fuck me.
814
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:58,280
♪ Shake, shake, shake, all right
815
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:03,480
♪ Shake dat ting Miss Kana Kana
Shake dat ting Miss Annabella
816
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,600
♪ Shake dat ting yan Donna Donna
Jodi and Rebecca
817
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,960
♪ Woman, get busy
Just shake dat booty non-stop ♪
818
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,880
We'd barely started, and people
were already laughing at Rob.
819
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,200
Now I'm not saying I was good,
but he was shocking.
820
00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:18,400
♪ Don't take pity
821
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,640
♪ Me wah fi see you get live
'pon di riddim when me ryde
822
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,560
♪ And me lyrics a provide
electricity
823
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,160
♪ Gyal nobody cah tell you nuttin'
824
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,280
♪ Ca you don't know your destiny
825
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,440
♪ Yo sexy ladies want par wid us
826
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,040
♪ Inna di car wid us
Dem nah war wid us
827
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,280
♪ Inna di club dem wah flex wid us
828
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,200
♪ To get next to us
Dem cah vex wid us
829
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:39,240
♪ From di day me born
Jah ignite me flame
830
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,920
♪ Gyal a call me name
And it is me fame
831
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:43,960
♪ It's all good, girl turn me on
832
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,400
♪ 'Til a early morn'
Let's get it on ♪
833
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,200
(CHEERING)
(HORNS BLARING)
834
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,640
Even though we'd made
complete fools of ourselves,
835
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,880
we weren't finished just yet.
836
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,000
♪ Murder, she wrote
# Fi real, fi real
837
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,360
♪ Murder, she wrote
838
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,880
♪ Murder, she wrote #
(LAUGHS)
839
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,720
♪ Murder, she wrote
840
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:07,000
♪ Watch ya now, it name
A pretty face and bad character
841
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,600
♪ Dem the kinda livin' can't hold
842
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,160
♪ Chaka, follow me!
A pretty face-- ♪
843
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,160
Mate.
844
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,920
Oh, God, I--
I just can't believe it.
845
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,840
Oh, my God. When they--
I honestly-- I felt so sick.
846
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,440
-Love you, Rommy.
-All right.
Listen, do you know what?
847
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,600
I'm gonna go get you a beer.
848
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,120
Our time in New York
was nearly over,
849
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,640
but David had arranged
a final rendezvous
850
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:39,040
at one of the city's most iconic
locations, Times Square.
851
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,040
And he's not here.
(SIGHS)
852
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,880
Well, I say give it five minutes
and then let's just leave.
853
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,880
He said eight o'clock sharp, here.
854
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,120
He said opposite the Starbucks,
the Paramount Building and the flag,
855
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,960
so we're in the right place.
856
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,120
He said, "I'll see you
there at eight."
857
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,480
He dropped a pin
and gave me the exact location.
858
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,560
Where--
859
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,920
But he said it's bit muggy.
860
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,360
What?
861
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,200
He's not coming, Rob.
862
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,880
Oh.
863
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,160
That's the worst thing ever.
864
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,480
Oh, shitting hell.
That is so horrible.
865
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,840
This is unbelievable.
866
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,360
I've been so...
867
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,400
(BOTH LAUGHING)
What the shit?
868
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,320
Oh, my God. That is so...
869
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,360
That's the worst thing
I've ever seen.
870
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,200
Why? What is it advertising?
871
00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:46,160
(LAUGHS)
What is it advertising?
872
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,240
Oh, they're not--
people are notic-- Oh.
873
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:49,800
Oh, Christ.
874
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,720
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God, my tits.
875
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,880
Look at my tits, Romesh.
876
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,280
Look at my-- It's all right for you!
877
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,040
Look at my tits!
878
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,160
In the middle of Times Square!
879
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,880
Oh, my God.
880
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,720
I seriously
took one for the team.
881
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:12,520
-You're loving this.
-I'm not--
Look at that! That's all me!
882
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,560
(BOTH LAUGHING)
883
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,160
Are you Rob?
Yeah. No, that's not me.
884
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,360
-Are you Rob?
-No, that's not me.
We just look like them.
885
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,760
-Please.
-Oh, for God's sake.
Look!
886
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,320
It's so horrible.
-Don't you love it?
-No.
887
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,400
♪ You've got the look
# You've got the look ♪
888
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,240
It looks like we're advertising
ourselves as a couple.
889
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,040
Oh, my God.
This is--
890
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,000
♪ Closin' time, ugly lights ♪
891
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,080
Don't look that big from up here.
892
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,080
They look fuckin' enormous
from here.
893
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,520
♪ But you are a natural beauty
Unaffected ♪
894
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,840
Rob, it's not gonna change.
895
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,960
Your tits ain't gonna shrink, mate.
Let's just go.
896
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,160
(LAUGHING)
Let's go kill Gandy.
897
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,480
♪ Versace on the floor
898
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,360
♪ Ooh
899
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,080
♪ Take it off for me
For me, for me
900
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,120
♪ For me now, girl
901
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,720
♪ Versace on the floor
902
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:14,320
♪ Ooh
903
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,080
♪ Take it off for me
For me, for me
904
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,000
♪ For me now, girl
905
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:24,120
♪ Versace on the floor ♪
906
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,360
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