Original subtitles

♪ Go Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

Cash? Check. Map? Check.

Annual field trip to Little Norrisville, prepare to get ditched!

Now we just wait for our moment...

Ah! There's history everywhere you look.

Take this sidewalk. It's positively teeming with history.

A-bing. A-go.

Sweet cheese, Cunningham, this store has everything.

Even sweet cheese.

Focus, buddy, we're shortchanging our education for one mouth-puckering reason:

Super Samurai Sour Bombs.

Ooh! Sushi phone! Mm, mm?

-Super Samurai Sour Bombs. -See-through eye patch!

Super Samurai Sour Bombs!

(gasps)

Super Samurai Sour Bombs.

Four out of five dentists recommend that you don't go anywhere near these things.

Aw... I want those! But also these! And those!

(groans) The hardest thing is deciding what I don't want.

We came for Sour Bombs! Let's get 'em before Slimovitz realizes we're gone.

Huh?

Hmm.

Ah! I see you have found the Idol of Infinite Wishes.

Idol of infinite wishes?

According to legend, it will give you all your heart desires.

Whoa! My heart desires it to be cheaper.

-Whoa! -Hmm?

Infinite wishes for only $9.99?!

(scoffs) Be warned:

He who receives all he desires winds up with nothing.

But, for only $9.99, right?

Ha! A magic idol?! A magic idol?!

You're saying that like you don't believe it.

I don't believe it! You are such a gullible shoob!

Laugh it up. I got a thing that gives me all the things.

All you got is one box of candy.

Uh, dangerously sour candy.

Aw, I can smell the sour.

And I'll tell you how it tastes, in a week,

when I get the feeling back in my lips.

Hmm... Huh, wish I had a Super Samurai Sour Bomb.

-Ahh... huh? -Uh...

(groans)

Why is my Super Samurai Sour Bomb in your mouth?

Mmm! So sour.

Cunningham, you would have loved this!

What should I wish for next?

That wasn't a wish. It was a coincidence.

Mmmmm. Doesn't taste like coincidence.

(gasps)

(sniffing)

(chuckles)

Yes, sir? Can I help you?

It was here.

There was an ancient relic upon this shelf.

A source of unfathomable power. Where is it?!

(shrieks)

...and that's the exciting story

of how 13th century Norrisvillians

turned wheat into wheat paste.

You know what the best part about having a wishing idol is?

-You being wrong. -(groans)

Principal Slimovitz, I have a question,

but it's actually seven questions in one.

I hate Doug... so much!

Too bad there's nothing you can do about it.

Oh wait, what am I saying? You have a magic wishing doll.

First of all, it's an idol. Second of all... I do!

(whispering gibberish)

...which leads to question 1A:

Can you get sick from wheat germs...

(screams) (choking)

(grunts) Why do you want it?

It's just garbage I sell to the tourists.

You're not a tourist, are you?

-(choking) -Doesn't prove anything.

Bugs fly into Doug's mouth all the time.

But this is the first time I wished for it.

Well, the first time it worked.

Fun fact: Ancient Norrisvillians used paint so wet,

some of it's still drying.

And we can watch it dry

at The Museum of Watching Paint Dry!

(groans) I never thought I'd say this,

but I'd rather be back in school.

Would you say you "wish" you were back in school?

-I wish we weren't here. -Allow me.

-(whispers gibberish) -(squirming)

(yelping) OK... field trip's over!

(both gasp)

Straight to the bus.

No eye contact with security.

And if anybody inquires: we found it this way.

Admit it! You believe in the Idol of Infinite Wishes!

I believe in the Idol of Infinite Coincidences.

-(Nomicon humming) -Hmm?

Oh, no! You're not gonna jump in and take his side!

(horn honks)

I wish you'd stay out of this!

(tires screeching)

Ahh!

Who the honk is that?!

(grunting) Run! Run for your precious lives!

Say what you want, I just shut down the Nomicon.

Only 'cause that shoob landed on the... you know what?

We'll talk about this later.

It's Ninja time!

Smokebomb!

I don't know who you are, what you want,

or why you're wearing a cloak in this heat, but...

(groans) So loud.

Feel gongs... inside my teeth.

-Oh, hey. 'Sup? -The idol!

Get your own, they're like ten bucks!

I wish you'd just go away!

Ninja-Scarf-Snag!

(screams)

My face, my face, my face, my chest, my face...

I wish you'd let him go!

(grunts) (yells)

Not like that! What the juice, idol?

(groans)

Ninja... Boom... Balls.

(grunts) I'm... OK.

(back cracks)

Nope. Not OK.

We gotta get you outta here.

Good thing I had the idol to save your cheese.

Every time you got in trouble, I wished you out of it.

That is not what happened!

OK, I don't know what happened.

I'll tell you what happened:

my idol saved your butt.

That idol shoobed my butt! And Slimovitz's... And Doug's...

Ha! That was awesome, that thing that happened to Doug.

Maybe you should get rid of it.

-Fine. I will! -No, it's mine!

(both grunting)

-I wish you'd let go! -I wish you'd let go!

(Howard) Oh!

(both gasp)

A Sorcerer Ball?! That thing's full of weird powers!

I bet that's why your wishes are coming true!

So you admit it's a wishing idol!

Well, yes, but no.

Technically, it's a Sorcerer's ball.

Yeah. In a wishing idol.

In a non-magical porcelain statue...

...that grants wishes.

(man in cloak) Ninja!

-Uh... -(Howard gasps)

The ball will be mine!

No matter what happens to me, you cannot let him have the ball.

Also, do not wish for anything.

Yeah, bur I can wish for a sandwich, right?

No, no, OK. Yeah, I'll wait for lunch.

(stomach growls)

Hey, before I beat the cheese out of you,

do me the solid of letting me know

who I'm beating the cheese out of.

Why, Ninja, don't you recognize me?

(evil laughter)

Evil Julian?! I thought you were dea... not... um, al... living.

Where is the ball?

Some place you'll never find it.

In that store you just walked out of?

What?! No, it's not... Not... there. Nope!

I sure wish I could help him.

Hmm? What the ball juice?

(shopkeeper) "He who receives all he desires winds up with nothing."

I sure wish I knew what that meant.

(gasps) I know what to do!

Hello...

(both grunting)

I won't stop until I have the ball.

Oh, you want the ball?! It's right here!

Howard! What are you doing?! I said don't let him get the ball.

Yeah, but the ball is losing juice with every wish.

If I make enough wishes it'll be useless.

But your wishes hurt people! Usually me!

-(grunts) -Changed my mind! Wish Howard!

Wish for everything you've ever wanted!

No one desires enough to exhaust its power completely.

Evil Julian, meet Howard Weinerman.

Hmm. (snickers)

I wish for... sushi phones.

-(yelps) -(tires screeching)

-(grunts) -Sorry!

All good! Keep going!

See-through eye patches! Bamboo socks!

Ahh!

You're wasting all the evil!

Exactly. Toilet seat heaters! Toilet seat coolers!

Ninja-Cyborg-Kick!

Bottle closers! Clock washers! Edible forks! MP5 players!

Ninja-Tiny-Giant-Exploding-Ball!

Doggie dentures! Y-ray glasses, 'cause X-rays are played out!

(ball beeps)

(screams)

Hmm.

(groans)

And a neon sign that says how honkin' Bruce I am!

(Randy) Howard! You did it!

The sign was a nice touch.

Aw, man, Julian's gone. I was just about to put so much hurt on him.

-No, you weren't. -No, I wasn't. Smoke. Bomb.

(giggles) Now remember, if anyone inquires,

stick to the story: We were at the zoo.

We learned some big stuff today.

We learned that Evil Cyborg Julian's still out there.

We learned that you can buy a Sorcerer ball

for the same price as a box of Super Samurai Sour Bombs. And...

I guess... I learned that I shouldn't doubt you

when you say you have a wishing idol.

Hmm? Sorry, I was on the ol' sushi phone. What'd you say?

Nothing. Nothing.

At least there's one less ball to worry about.

(Randy sighs)

Cunningham, stop! Do not drink that water...!

...cause guess who's packin' McBubble Slams?

McBubble Slam is so good cause it's got electric lights.

It doesn't have electric lights...

Huh. I don't know what that means,

but I'm glad there's more of 'em.

All these memails were blowin' up my winbox yesterspanks...

(groaning)

So? Shall we "to the Game Hole"?

Eh... We always "to the Game Hole."

We could "to Charlie Cluckers."

Eh, it's kinda clucked out.

-(sipping) -(groaning)

Um, OK, uh, we could walk around the McSac Store

and leave without buying anything.

Nah. Oh, I got it! Game Hole!

What?! You didn't want to go when I said it.

'Cause I didn't want to go when you said it. Now I want to go.

Yeah, 'cause you said it!

(groaning)

-No! No. No-oh! -Yes! Yes. Ye-es!

You only want to do stuff when it's your idea.

That's ridiculous.

Oh, whaddya know, we're at the Game Hole.

Shall we to the...?

Fine. But not 'cause you said it.

Hm.

(yelps)

What the juice, Greg?!

Why's there a hole in the Game Hole?

I seek the ultimate prize.

The ultimate prize? I want to seek the ultimate prize!

Skee-bowww.

Uh, Greg, your games are falling. Greg?

Forget the games! Look at all those holes!

-Ha! -(gasps)

There's a digging contest and we're already losing!

-Uh? Digging contest? -Maybe it's a new holiday!

Like Hole-a-ween! Or Holesgiving!

Or Ground-holes Day! Come on! We gotta shovel up!

Doesn't it seem a little... strange?

You're doing it again! If this was your idea, you'd totally shovel up!

(both) Hm?

But Doug's driving an excavator!

Exactly! Even Doug's beating us!

Come on Cunningham, let's do what I want to do, for once!

-(sighs) OK, OK. -Yes!

(laughing)

What are we even looking for?

We'll know when we find it. Or maybe we won't.

Or maybe it's whoever digs the most holes!

Maybe it's the most dirt! Maybe it's... I won!

(all groaning)

I guess today's not the Fork of July.

Who OK'ed this? They're digging up everything.

Yeah, you know what's really weird?

You're the only one not digging up everything!

-(Nomicon humming) -(grunts)

I just wanted to make sure the cover still has circles on it.

And it does. It does, right there. So I'll put it... uh... you know...

I'm gonna go get my Dad's shovel!

You stay here and guard this diggin' spot, and no Nomicon! Promise?

I promise.

We are so winning this!

(screaming)

The Sorcerer Balls were flung to the four corners of Norrisville.

Yeah, yeah, I know this part. You've told me like ten times.

If reunited, the orbs will unleash an evil unseen for 800 years!

Oh...

(laughing echoes)

Oh, no, yeah, OK, this is new.

You must protect the balls at any cost!

Juice it, Nomicon, you trying to scare the cheese outta me?

What does protecting the balls have to do with a hole-digging contest?

Must... peep... ultimate preezy.

Unless... they're looking for a powerball!

(gasps) I have a powerball!

I mean... I have a shower... stall. Flower... Mall? Sour... doll...

(all groan)

I have to protect it, at any cost!

(panting) Got the shovel! Only had one.

You have to use Heidi's toothbrush.

But she has abnormally large teeth so... Hmm?

Cunningham, you bailer!

That was my diggin' hole!

I need to dig someplace no reasonable person would ever dig.

Like a place some reasonable person has already digged! The quarry! Huh?

I'm going to find the ultimate prize before you.

-(Doug screams) -(laughing)

I love it when that happens to Doug!

(straining) Gotta get to that powerball!

-(grunts) -(cat meows)

Gotta get to that powerball!

-(grunts) -Gotta... Ow!

(groans)

Oh, thank cheese you're still here. I did it. I protected the ball!

-Howard? -Cunningham?

What are you doing in my ball?

There's another powerball?! Howard, wait right there! I'll come to you!

Oh, Theresa, hey, you're...

My room... girl... never been... my room.

Give me the ball!

I can't. I can't.

Anything else I would give you, but I can't give you the ball.

Ah!

-(yells) -Sorry! So sorry!

-Ultimate prize! -(all groaning)

Randy-Into-Ninja- Midair-Transformation!

-(cow moos) -(Randy) Dang it!

(grunting)

Even when I'm doing my idea, I'm doing Cunningham's idea.

(all) Ultimate prize!

Oh, shoob me sideways.

(all) Ultimate prize! Master will be pleased!

Smokebomb!

Thank cheese we found that ball before they did.

We?! Digging for this thing was my idea.

-You didn't even want to do it! -Would you just give it to me!

(both grunting)

-No... Give it to me! -(gasps)

Evil Cyborg Julian! I should'a known you were behind this!

Yes, you should have! Because I told you last time we fought

that I wouldn't stop until I had the ball!

Uh, yeah. But you meant that other ball. We emptied that one.

Oh, indeed, directly into Norrisville's precious water supply.

Now its power flows inside every resident, allowing me to control them!

Nice speech. Too bad I wasn't listening.

I was. He said this is all because of your thing.

-Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush! -(grunts)

-Bring me the ball! -(all) Ultimate prize!

Don't let them get that ball!

Fine! But not because you want me to.

Ultimate prize!

-(shudders) -Yes! Bring it to me!

If he can control them with his powerball, maybe...

Get away from Howard!

No! Don't listen to him! Bring the ball to me!

(all groaning)

Back off!

Back on!

-Back off! -Back on!

-Back Off! -Fine. Howard can have his ball.

I'll take yours!

Ah!

-(gasps) -(chuckles)

(groans)

(yelling)

Ninja-Evil-Cyborg-Kick!

(screams)

Ninja-Ball-Blast!

(grunting) No!

(grunting)

(screaming)

(rumbling)

Stop! No more!

Yes, more! So much more!

With this, I'm even more powerful than the Sorcerer!

(grunts) (laughs)

Hey, that's mine...

-Not anymore. -Taste my power!

(grunts)

Howard! No, no, no, no, no... I didn't mean to!

It was the powerball! I'm so sorry! Howard, speak to me!

(wheezing)

Dust... in mouth. So thirsty...

(chuckles) That's it. They're all mine.

Ninja-Cyborg-Legsweep!

(grunting)

Oooh...

(gasps) No! The water is infected!

Aw, man! (groaning)

(laughing) Walk off the cliff!

-Howard, stop! -You must choose, Ninja:

save that boy or stop me!

Huh...?

(groans)

"Protect the balls at any cost."

(grunts)

Gotcha!

(laughing)

Return your energy to me!

You made your choice, Ninja! All the balls are mine!

Soon your world will belong to me!

(laughing)

You saved me instead of the world?

What's the point of having a world if my best bro's not in it?

But there's no world! Nobody's gonna be in it!

Also, thanks.

(thunder rumbles)

Julian has the powerballs, and unless I stop him,

he's going to enslave the world.

Told you we should have just gone to the Game Hole.

I said that! I wanted to go the Game Hole!

You also wanted to join the Digging Contest.

Which, by the way, I won.

-(knocking at door) -Hmm?

Hey, Randy.

Oh, Theresa, hey,

you're... my room... girl... never been...

(stammering)

Smooth, Cunningham. Smooth.

(theme music playing)