Original subtitles

♪ Go Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

-Ohhh! -Mhmmmm?

-Mmm-hmm. -Hehhhh.

-Ooohhh!! -Ho-ho-ha!

-Yep-ep-ep-ep-ep -Eh-he-eh-eh!

(gasps) Congratulations! Your GPAs are up to 90 percent!

-Hurray! -Yeah!

Oh wait, my mistake,

your GPAs are down to 06 percent!

And you know what the problem is?

-Underpaid teachers? -Overcrowded classrooms?

It's you two! You're a terrible influence on each other.

And I'm afraid there's only one solution.

-Better paid teachers? -Smaller class sizes?

I'm separating you for the rest of high school.

(both gasping)

What?! No honkin' way!

How dare you split us up? Bureaucrat! Hatchet man!

World's Greatest Principal? In your dreams!

You didn't let me finish.

I'm separating you unless you pass your English test tomorrow.

How dare you!

No, Howard, he's saying if we study hard and pass the test, we can stay together!

How... dare... you!

I'll explain it to him.

We're very appreciative for the second chance.

(Howard grunts)

OK, the test is on the epic poem,

The Prophecy of Hat Sword.

Booooosh! There's no way we can read all this!

Relax, Cunningham. I got it.

(man) Ahoy, I'm legendary movie star

and 14th century poetry aficionado Brock Octane.

And this is The Prophecy of Hat Sword.

"T'wen cauldrons boil, the dead shall walk..."

(snoring)

-"...the blue beast decides its due." - (moaning)

"The silent shall speak, foule aireth reek, when prophecies come true."

(groans) How long is this thing?

-(Randy yelps) -Seven hundred hours?!

Even the easy way is hard! We're totally cheesed!

Are we?

Oh great, an even boring-er book!

-(Nomicon hums) -(Randy yelling)

I don't want to be overdramatic, Nomicon,

but the future of me and Howard's entire friendship is at stake.

Whaddya got?

Uh, "The answer is in the book"?

Yeah, why do you think I came in here?

To find the answer! Ya-baba!

Um, I'm studying! Ah, no, I'm not. What'd the Nomicon say?

"The answer is in the book." But it totally wasn't.

Unless I was looking in the wrong book.

"Cauldrons boil..." "Dead walk..." "Silent speak..."

"The prophecy of the blue beast..." Prophecy?

I think Nomicon was telling us to use a prophecy...

...to scare Slimovitz... into not splitting us up!

-That makes zero sense. -It makes 100 senses! Think about it...

I PJ out, sneak into his room and tell him there's

a Ninja prophecy that says he can't split us up.

Yes! He's gotta believe the Ninja!

Plus, I don't have anything else.

(Randy) Irving...

(gasps)

Ninja?! In my bedroom? Ahhh! Carl, the Ninja's here!

You can not split up those boys,

I believe their names are Randy and... Howard, is it?

-Is that his name? I don't know. -Why do you care?

Because of the ancient Ninja prophecy!

There's a prophecy about Randy and Howard?!

Shh! Just listen! (clears throat)

Beware the four signs that herald the coming of the Blue Beast:

Cauldrons shall boil.

The dead shall walk. The silent shall speak.

And Randy and Howard shall be separated.

This cannot come to pass!

-Wow, that is a scary prophecy. -Yes!

If you believe in prophecies, which I don't.

-(groans) -I mean, one time a fortune teller

told me I'd end up sad and alone! (chuckles)

Ninja? Ninja? Carl, Ninja left. Carl? Where'd you go?

He didn't buy it?!

I didn't study because you said he'd buy it!

That's not why you didn't study.

No, it's not.

-Cunningham, there's only thing to do. -Study?

No! Make him buy it!

(chuckles) Uh, yeah, great idea.

I'll just make all the stuff in our totally fake prophecy come true.

-You seen any cauldrons lately? -Mm-hmm.

Technically, that's a vat, but whatever.

Ninja-Hot-Ball.

Wow! Look at that cauldron boil!

I wonder what it means...?

It means Mrs. Dempsey knows just how I like my chili!

Mmmm, mmmm. Ah! My bowl!

Don't worry... (whispers) "The dead shall walk." Remember?

Hmm?

Ah! Ah! The dead are walking!

More like running,

which Gerry Driscoll knows full well is against the rules!

You call this a Cat Section?! Pa-thetic!

Sorry, Stevens, but I need the silent to speak.

-(exploding sound) -(trumpet playing)

Wow. First words I ever hear out of your mouth

and they are for mature audiences only!

(gasps) Wait a second... "The silent shall speak!"

"The dead shall walk!" "The cauldrons shall boil!"

I never used to believe in prophecies...

...until this very second! I've been so blind!

The Blue Beast will come! Unless... The fourth sign!

Randy and Howard! (screams)

Together forever, starting now.

Randy! Howard! Blue Beast!

Principal Slimovitz, the zipper's stuck on my knapsack!

It's not always about you, Doug!

(Doug) But my knapsack!

Boys! We need to talk! Now!

Oh, sorry Principal Slimovitz, we'd love to stay and talk,

but Howard and I have to go take our big English test.

You know, the one that determines if we stay together or get... separated?

(screams) No!

-You are not taking that test! -So you're not splitting us up?

Nuh-uh! We can't risk it, what with a Blue Beast lurking around every corner!

He's only one sign away!

(all panting)

(Randy) How long is this staircase!

-(door creaks) -(insects chittering)

-What is this place...? -The Gifted and Talented classroom.

Ah! We haven't used it in years.

Uhh... How long we stayin' in here?

Forever! I'll bring you all your meals.

You can make beds out of those waterlogged calculus books.

Think of it like home schooling, but at school!

Uh... yeah... I gotta use the bathroom.

But, but I'll definitely come right back without running away.

Oh, no! I'll see if Sundown has an extra bucket. Don't go anywhere.

Your stupid prophecy worked too good!

I believe you mean our stupid prophecy.

It was your idea. I didn't have anything, remember?

You never have anything.

I made up the prophecy, I made the prophecy come true,

I even snuck into Slimovitz' bedroom!

What I'm hearing is: this is all your fault.

And so is everything else bad that happens to us.

Excuse me for trying to keep us from getting split up.

I wish we were split up.

Ah! Then allow me to make your wish come true.

-Ninja out! -(gasps) You did not just "Ninja out" me!

-Hmm? -Sundown couldn't spare a bucket,

but this sponge seems pretty absorbent... (gasps)

Howard...? Where's Randy?

You've separated! The final sign of the prophecy!

The blue beast is going to destroy us all!

(scream echoing)

Those delicious screams are coming from nearby.

Allow me to send a little housewarming gift to my new neighbor...

(laughs maniacally)

Stupid Howard, wants us to be split up.

Well, now we are split up.

How's that feel? Feels great to me!

-(rumbling) -(roaring)

The Blue Beast?! The prophecy's real!

It's Slimovitz, you shoob! He stanked out when you bailed!

Wait, look... We're back together!

It's all good! Soooo... destank!

(roars)

Would you just Ninja out already!

(grunting)

Gotta destank you. But what do you hold most dear?!

Oh, I know!

My car! (growls)

Really thought that would work.

Hey, did the prophecy say anything about the Ninja gettin' his butt kicked?

(grunting)

Principal Slimovitz, no running in the halls!

(groans)

-Ninja-Principal-Charge! -(groans)

Ugh... Fine.

(grunting)

OK... out of ideas here... (grunts)

"The answer is in the book."

Howard, the Nomicon wasn't telling us to make up a fake prophecy!

It was saying we should read the book!

Slimovitz wanted us to get better grades.

If we want to destank him, we have to take the test.

-But we'll fail. -Not if we study.

-You start reading the book! All of it! -What are you gonna do?

Fight this wonkin' monster!

Aww, man! I always get the hard job. (mumbled reading)

Out loud! Read it out loud!

(groans) "The Boring Prophecy of Hat Sword:

T'wen cauldrons boil, the dead shall walk, the blue beast decides its due."

-(grunts) -"A sword alone, it came to bear.

The youth was doomed, no hat to wear."

Ninja-Escape-Flip!

"The beast laid down upon the snow, as Hat Sword reared the final blow..."

(laughing) "Reared."

Ninja-Principal-Hog-Tie!

-Now what...? -Now we take the test.

(groans) Test... I don't want to take a test...

You take a test... You're a test...

-(clock ticking) -Hmm?

Mhmmm. Mmm?

Hmm?

-Ohh... -Oh-oh-ohaaaa!

-Hep-ep-ep-ep. -Eh-he-eh-eh!

Did we pass or not?!

-(gasps) -Eighteen percent?

(both) We passed!

What just happened?

I hate poetry.

That was nuts. We made up a prophecy,

stanked Slimovitz, almost got separated forever...

Don't forget studying. That was the worst.

You know what, after all that, I'm thinking we need some time apart.

Definitely.

-Game Hole? -Game Hole.

(grunting)

-(groans) -(roars)

This is it, Ninja. This is where you kiss the bucket.

When I'm through with you, you'll be pushin' up raisins.

Kiss the bu...

Raisins? Are you trying to say you're gonna destroy me?

Have you not heard a word I said?

(groaning)

Where's the "Destroy the Ninja button" on this baby?

-(buttons beeping) -Um...

-(female voice) Escape pod activated. -Uh-oh...

-(McFist screaming) -Hmm.

That all you got?

-(roars) -(yelps)

Uh...

Hey, don't worry! Nobody saw that!

'Cept me, I saw it. You jumped so high.

-Howard? -Good news. I got a lead on a hot party.

Quit playin' with that thing and come on! I brought you a shirt.

This is Flute Girl's house!

Your lead on a hot party is a band geek party?

I know what you're thinking:

"What are a couple of happenin' bros like us

doin' at a wonkfest like this?"

That's exactly what I was thinking,

right down to the "happenin' bros!"

It's a practice party.

We can try out our fiesta swag in a zero-risk environment.

(exclaims) I could debut my downtown strut!

I was gonna spend another six weeks beta testing it in my bedroom mirror, but...

-Who cares what these dorks think? -Exactly!

We could shoob all over the place

and we'd still be the Brucest guys in there. Shall we?

Let's shall.

-(Nomicon humming) -Aw, sorry... I gotta...

Why aren't you doing that whole thing where,

"stupid book ruining all our fun."

Nah, got a good feeling about this one.

Please, shloomp my guest.

-(grunts) -Mm...

(screaming)

"The Ninja who holds himself highest has the furthest to fall."

Exactly! No falling Ninjas here.

That's why we're starting low at this pathetic party.

-(rumbling) -Ahh!

You ready to be the coolest?

You ready to be the second coolest?

(doorbell rings)

Uh... Can I help you?

Hey, girl. Heard you were havin' a party.

But a party ain't a party without the two Brucest bros in Norrisville.

Don't worry. We're here now. Uhh...

-Ugh. Did he just blink at me? -(chuckles) It's a double wink.

-Plenty more where that came from. -(scoffs) What??

-(upbeat music playing) -(people whooping)

Hm.

-Ha, too easy. -Mm.

This party is about to get lit up!

-Party cliche zing! -Laaa-aaaaame.

(all chanting) Bucky! Bucky! Bucky! Bucky!

C'mon, let's show these shoobs what a real party looks like.

Mm-mm. Mm.

Mmm? Mmm.

-(gasps) -Yo, H dollah dollah, gimme a beat!

(beat-boxing)

Wikka-wikka-Randy. Remix! Re-re-re-re-remix!

Wikka-wikka-Howard, y'all!

Yeah! Haha, oh, so much fun.

Oh, man! Yeah! Yeah! Yeeah!

I think you need to leave.

But we're Bruce. Brucer than Bruce. Howard, what's Brucer than Bruce?

-Bruce City? -Get out!

And stop walking like that. You look ridiculous!

-(trumpet plays sad tune) -Haha!

One, two, three, four... Hmm?

One, two, three, four...

Could'a sworn I made five.

-(crashing) -(McFist screaming)

Whoo! Brought that one in kinda hot, huh.

Oh, well I better get this cleaned up before Viceroy...

-(shrieks) -Before Viceroy what?

Viceroy! I thought you might be out, y'know, paintin' the town.

It's a Friday night, in the...

I'm not. I thought I told you the Wolfodile wasn't ready for action.

See, I thought you said it was... ready for action.

So I took it. Almost got the Ninja, too.

Except your stupid robot wasn't ready for action!

I don't suppose you remember where you left it, hmmm?

Let's see, I was downtown, then I took a left at the guy, then I saw the dog...

(groans)

I don't get it.

We were rocking Grade A soirée swaggage and they kicked us out.

I know! And we boosted their Bruce Factor like a spabillion percent!

We gotta get back in that lame party to prove how cool we are.

-How? Flute Girl was seriously cheesed. -I don't know...

(video game voice) For to saving town, you are rewarded with party-hardy!

Aw, man. Even this guy gets invited to parties. I wish we could save a town.

-Maybe we can... -What?

I said, "Maybe we can..."

I know, I meant, what the juice are you talking about?

-You want to save a town? -(scoffs) Come on!

-(grunting) -What are we doing here?

If we save the bandos from a rampaging robot,

we'll be heroes and they'll beg us to party with them!

We're going to save them from a broken robot?

(pants) They don't know it's broken.

Cunningham! That's genius!

Come on, hurry! Before the party's over!

-We could go faster if you'd help. -No time!

(groans)

You'll never guess who Pradeep likes!

-(whispers) -(gasps) Are you sincerious?!

Whoo-ooh! What... what do you think...?

-(whispering) -(gasps)

Forget it.

I'm not gonna let you hurt that party!

Me too, either!

-Hey... check it out! -Whoa!

(both grunting)

Give 'em the Atomic Flop!

-(grunts) -Howard, four on the floor!

Oh, snap! The Flying Funny Bone!

-Welcome to the trouble bubble! -(whirring)

I can't find the Wolfodile anywhere.

I've checked radar, sonar, infra-red, ultra-violet,

the black market and Greg's list. That thing is gone, baby.

Lemme get a whack at them buttons.

(buttons beeping)

(computer voice) Wolfodile located. Grrrr.

Oooh, look at that. Found it. Guess I got the touch or something.

It's in the residential part of town.

And it's under attack! Activating defense systems.

That's not how you do it! (laughing)

-That's how you do it! -(grunts)

One! Two! Three! We did it!

-(all cheering) -Randy and Howard just saved the party!

We were totally wrong about you two.

It would be my pleasure to escort your Brucenesses into our party.

(whirring)

(all cheering)

We did it, Howard.

Brucest bros at the party.

(shrieks) He's bark from the dead!

Can't start partying just yet, zing!

Don't worry! Randy and Howard will save us! Right?

Eh... probably shouldn't, one fight a day... heroes... us.

I just ate, 30 minutes, refrigerator, octopus?

(both grunting)

Ahh!

-You said this thing was broken! -Obviously I was wrong.

-Obviously you were. -I gotta Ninja out!

No way. They'll know we faked it,

and then we'll never be the coolest guys at this lame party!

(howls)

-Howard! -Fine, I'll cover for you!

I'm on it!

Cunningham, you coward! (shrugs)

Smokebomb!

(grunts)

Ninja-Ring, Ninja-Ring

Uh, Ninja? You dropped your sword!

(straining) I'm aware of that.

Ninja-Foot-Stab!

-(yelps) -Uh-huh. That's right.

You don't want none of this.

What the juice is going on?

Huh?

What??

Come on. I gotta fight five of 'em?

(shrieking) (elephant trumpets)

Nope. Just one.

Ugh, I was barely beating the foot!

(groans)

Could really use my sword about now.

On it! (straining)

Ninja-Chainsickle!

Yes! The bigger they are, the harder they... (grunts)

Uh... Sword? Now, please!

I'm workin' on it. (grunts)

-Really? -Whoa, you see that?!

That thing really flew!

No, yeah, I did, thanks so much.

Ninja-Trunk-Ride!

(panting) (grunts)

"The ninja who holds himself highest has the furthest to fall."

Yes, fine, if we hadn't held ourselves above this party,

none of this would have happened.

Huh?

H'oh, boy... Ninja-Furthest-To-Fall!

(grunting)

-(all cheering) -Amazing!

Ninja, that was awesome! Can you stay for some punch?!

A-ha-ha... I think I've had enough "punch" for one night.

-Ninja, why?! -(chuckles) Smokebomb!

What happened? Where'd the dots go?

(exhales) The robots were destroyed.

-I told you they weren't ready! -Gee, I don't know what I was thinking.

(exclaims) What the juice just happened?

Lemme handle this.

Yep. There's no way to know. Important thing is,

I think we could all use a good par-tay right about now. Yeah!

(humming)

Here's the truth. We thought we were better than your party,

and when you kicked us out,

we pretended to fight a broken robot so you'd let us back in,

but that robot turned out to be not broken,

and part of a larger, more destructive robot. So...

It was Cunningham's idea.

(exhales) Come on, Howard. Let's go.

You can't leave! You want us to stay?

Are you kidding? Look what you did! This is the best party ever!

(all whooping)

Come, my good man. Downtown Strut with me?

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

A-Downtown Strut! Uh, huh. Oh, you see me walking!

(Howard) Haha, oh, so much fun! Oh, man! Oh, sweet!

(Randy) We're the life of the party!