Original subtitles

♪ Go Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

(crowd cheering)

(Slimovitz) Welcome soccer fans! We've got a big game today.

Our very own Norrisville Carp

are taking on the defending champions: the Pitch Kickhams.

Really? There's a team called the Pitch Kickhams?

Oh, it's just Pitch Kickham.

The championship is our whole team versus Pitch Kickham.

OK sure, why not?

When I say "Carp," you also say "Carp."

Carp! Carp! Carp!

(chuckles) This is so wonk it's circled back to Bruce!

I can't not watch!

"Carp!" You're not saying it!

Principal Slimovitz, no one's saying "Carp!"

(groans) (yells)

(laughing)

Doug is the worst mascot in the world!

More like the worst trashcot in the world.

(laughing) Yes!

Worst trashcot in the world, he says!

-(all laughing) -Huh?

Hey, you can't peck me! I'm the most important part of the team!

Doug needs to quit squawkin'. Am I right?

(laughs) Doug needs to quit squawkin', he says!

(all laughing)

(yelling)

Stop pecking me! (screams)

Stop kicking!

Hey, Howard, it's like shootin' fish in a barrel.

(laughing) Like shooting fish in a barrel!

-(all laughing) -Oh, you're killing it.

You're killing it Cunningham!

-Hmm? -Ah!

Just what do you think you're doing?

-He said it first! -He said it louder!

You know what, I bet you think

you're a couple of real yucksters, don't you?

(both talking over each other)

-Well so do I! So does everybody! -(all cheering)

I wish we could replace Doug with you two.

-Why can't you? -Yeah, why can't you?

Yeah, why can't I? I'm the principal.

Doug, you're fired. Get off the field.

What? You can't fire me! But Principle Slimovitz I was... ahh!

What?! Doug, I can't hear you, you don't have a megaphone!

You can't do this! I'm Doug!

Now get out there and funny this game up!

Because soccer without a mascot is just people kickin' a ball around!

-Yeah! -Yes!

Look at us. Mascots. A real comedy team.

You ready to spout some funny lines?!

You ready to say 'em louder than I do?!

It's the only way I know.

-Eh? Eh? How do I look? -(chuckles) Yes!

(Slimovitz) Hey, everyone, here's a thing that's happening!

Say hello to Norrisville's new mascot: the Tummynator!

(both chuckling)

Goal!

Pitch Kickham takes his top off so much he should be called "Shirt Ditch'em."

He should be called Shirt Ditch'em.

(all laughing)

Hey! Jersey shedding is a time honored goal-scoring tradition!

Oh!

-(grunts) -(chuckles) Look at ball-head.

Ha! Ball-head! Pitch Kickham is now called Ball-head!

Oh-ho! Am I right?!

(crowd) Ball-head! Ball-head!

Seriously? It was a header. It's a common football maneuver!

Have any of you ever seen this game?

That whistle signals... Half time?!

There's another 45 minutes of this?!

(chuckles) Cunningham, I don't know how you come up with those lines.

I don't know how you say 'em so loud! It's amazing.

Yeah! Wha...

-I've never felt so alive. -Bad news, boys.

It's been brought to my attention that according to school code,

only one mascot is allowed on the field at any given time.

Who brought that to your attention?

Hmmm. Game, set, mascot. (chuckles)

(clattering) Dang it!

-(pecking sound) -(Doug) Stop it!

I'm awful sorry about this, Randy.

Howard, you're back on in five!

You? Wait, no, no. How come you're back out there in five?

Uh, because I'm the Tummynator.

Yeah, but you can't Tummynate without me.

'Course I can Tummynate without you.

Howard, don't take this the wrong way but, no you can't.

Don't take this the wrong way but, yes I can!

I come up with all the funny words!

Which are only funny because my tummy's sayin' 'em!

Now if you'll excuse me, the Tummynator needs to touch up.

Tummynator out!

Tummynator out.

I would have come up with so much more better words than that!

-(Nomicon hums) -Hmm?

Howard's wrong on this, right Nomicon?

(yelling) (grunts)

"Harmony cannot be made with a single note."

Exactly! Howard can't do both notes

because he can't come up with the lines.

But I can do his part.

I can say stuff loud.

I can say stuff loud!

(yelps)

(gasps) (groans)

Time for Tummynator Two.

All right, this is it. You're back.

Halftime is Doug time.

(Slimovitz) Norrisville High are you ready?!

They can take your first half.

But they'll never take your halftime!

(Slimovitz) It's Tummynator time!

Tummynator?

-Comin' through! -Ahh!

(laughing)

But half time's Doug time!

(screaming) Oh, my eye...

The pathetic whining of failure and defeat... and it's only halftime.

(laughing)

(screaming)

(growling)

The... The snack bar's so expensive,

the nachos should be called "not-yos!"

-(crowd mumbling) -He's so bad.

Why aren't they laughing? Not-yos, like "not yours."

You know, because of the price point.

Speak up!

Yeah, OK... So, uh, Nor-um...

So, Norrisville stadium is so rickety...

What are you even talking about?!

Uh, um. It's just... Um, It's so out of date...

It's old and out of date.

No one can hear you!

This stadium's wonkin' awful, OK?!

(crowd gasps) (mumbling)

So what's the deal with the shin guards?

Now he's going after shin guards?!

Is nothing sacred?! Boo this man!

(crowd booing)

Look, I know you're probably sorry about what you said,

but let's just save the apologies for after half...

(gasps) Cunningham?

Mmm... Where's my hat?

Why are people booing? Cunningham.

Cunningham!

-(booing) -C'mon, one funny line.

You're back in the game. One funny line, one funny line, one funny... gah!

I got nothing. This is the worst.

(growling)

No, no, this... this is the worst right now.

-(crowd screams) -Mask. Where's my...

Ninja mask! I can't believe that shoob left his mask.

Well, I'm not bringing it to him.

-Hmm? -(Slimovitz) This is a nightmare!

The monster is tearing up the field.

Nope.

(Slimovitz) He's gone into the stands!

Not gonna do it.

(Slimovitz) No! He just destroyed the entire snack bar!

Oh, no he didn't.

(banging)

I totally forgot he locked the door!

How do I get out of here?

Ugh, I am not a fan of what I'm thinkin' right now.

(growling)

(grunts)

(grunting)

Ohh, so gross. Oh! That one's crusty.

Oh! This one's wet!

(yells) (grunts)

-Howard! -Apology not accepted.

Apology not offered!

(growling)

Please tell me you have the mask.

Of course, I have the mask.

Nope! You locked me in a locker room!

You were gonna mascot without me!

So you mascoted without me?!

Can't we talk about this later maybe?!

-Can you give me the mask! -(groans) Fine!

Hmm?

Smokebomb! Time to fin-ish this.

See what I did there? Fin? Because fish are...

(growls)

That's why! That's why you were getting booed!

(grunts)

Ninja-Slipping-Balls!

-(growls) -This place is bananas!

I am never coming back here!

I don't get it. He's smashed pretty much everything on the field.

He should have destanked himself!

What am I missing?

Well, between you and the monster,

the only thing you haven't destroyed is the scoreboard.

(gasps) The Scoreboard!

(horn sounds)

Scoreboard-Smashing- Ninja-Boom-Balls

-Bah...? -He's after me!

Oh... the Tummynator.

He's mad 'cause the Tummynator took his job.

(screams)

Howard! You gotta give him his job back! Tell him we quit.

But the Tummynator's funnier than him! (grunts)

-Howard! -It's the principle of the thing.

The principal is cool with this! Just quit already!

Fine. I quit. You're the best mascot, Doug.

(growling)

Bad news: He doesn't believe a word I'm sayin', Ninja.

"Harmony cannot be made with a single note."

Maybe he'll believe the words I'm sayin'...

...when you say 'em louder. (whispering)

Ho-ho! Nope! No way! I'm not saying that.

-(growling) -Fine!

Doug, your spirit is a shining beacon for the entire school, or whatever.

Huh?

(chuckles) It's working! Now say the rest!

(groans)

Your showmanship elevated the craft of mascot-ing to new heights, I guess.

Now say... (whispering)

No! Not doing it.

-(growls) -Howard...

(groans) Your Carp is 100 times better than the Tummynator ever was.

(soft growl)

(moans) H'oh boy.

I've always hated this game.

(Howard grunting)

(Randy) Hey, paint coming off your belly?

-(Howard) Nope. You? -Not even a little.

Howard, I don't know what got into me today.

I mean, trapping you in the locker room?! I really lost my cheese.

Well, If it makes you feel any better, I'd have done the same thing to you.

-You know, if I'd thought of it first. -It does make me feel better.

Thanks, pal. We really are a great comedy team.

(chuckles) A team of terrible mascots more like it!

Why are you showering in your costume?

It's called "school spirit!" Get some!

-(screams) -(both laughing)

Classic Doug!

Oh, he is the best at being the worst!

Don't you dare help me up!

(laughs) Oh, we weren't going to!

Help him up! Why would he say that?

Stop! No! No! Stop, ahh!

You're done for, McFist! (grunts)

OK, quick recap. Who got captured? You.

Who's surrounded by Robo-Apes? You. Who's done for?

Mmm... mmmh? Oh, I know! You.

Agree to disagree.

-Robo-apes! -(phone ringing)

Huh? Hold that thought.

-Hmm? -Uh...

What's up, buddy?

(Howard) Short hand's between one and two

and the long hand's at the seven. Where are you?!

I'm a little busy!

Oh, will you just destroy him?!

(Howard) Well get unbusy!

We've only got 25 long-hands until the McFistWatch TimeTalk launches.

Finally, we'll no longer have to tell time! Time will tell us!

Don't worry, I'll be there!

Hmm. (grunts)

What are you waiting for?! Blast him!

But, sir, the warning label says...

It says blast him!

Um... Whoa!

(computer voice) Equilibrium compromised.

Take controls to avoid crash landing.

-(groans) -Maybe we should stop fighting for a sec.

Good idea. You stop first.

Wonkin' finger blaster?! Since when do you have that?

Five days, or is it six? Wait, what's today, Saturday? Oh, so a week exactly.

(grunting)

(computer voice) Grab the controls. Just... well... right there.

The controls. Don't crash.

You can grab the controls and not crash.

Please grab the controls. Please grab the controls.

-I'll stop if you stop! -I'll totally stop.

-You're not gonna stop, are you? -Not a chance!

(computer voice) The controls. The con... oh...

Aw, that's the way I call people!

Still got mine!

(chuckles) (groans) (grans)

We've been dropped! Off the network!

We're roamin' out here!

-This is all your fault! -How's this my fault?!

-You wouldn't stop fighting! -Neither would you!

Because you wouldn't! I'm gettin' outta here. Without you!

Good. Go. Just one thing: where is here?

(gasps)

(narrator) Scrap City: a lawless landfill of discarded, broken-down bots.

To protect Norrisville from these cheesed-off machines,

McFist Industries imprisoned them behind really high, super thick walls.

No robot has ever escaped. No human has ever entered. Until now.

Hannibal McFist is trapped in... Scrap City.

-Mucho Thankles, Mr. Viceroy! -No problem, Heidi.

(clears throat) I mean, no problem, Heidi.

With McFist, Scrap City scrappin', the whole 'ville is A'ing the Q:

What's the status of the McFistWatch TimeTalk?

Oh, I can't launch without Hannibal.

I'd never hear the end of it.

I'm afraid the TimeTalk's delayed until he returns.

Delayed?! How could this happen?

Wait. Wait, wait... Ninja's on that hovercraft.

He must be in Scrap City, too.

He'll get McFist out! Oh-ho! Everything is gonna be OK.

Corner of Rust and Rust?!

How does anybody find their way around here?!

-(Nomicon humming) -Uh, I hope you got a map, Nomicon,

'cause I've passed that burning tire like 15 times.

Unless, I've passed like 15 burning tires,

that feels like a lot of burning tires though...

(grunts) (yelling)

(Randy) "Victory lies in facing the greatest danger first."

Mmm-hm. Let's see. Greatest danger is McFist, that's a gimme.

And he's trying to get out of Scrap City,

so to be victorious I need to "face" him by getting out first!

Which is exactly what I'm trying to do why won't you just give me a map?!

(screams)

-(whirring) -(robot chatter)

Hey, there, little fella.

"Q.T.BOT." Aw, that's so perfect, 'cause you're so cute!

(robot chatter)

Can you show me how to get outta here?

That boops like a "yes" to me!

How could anyone discard you? I just wanna pick you upand squeeze you!

(groans) You're heavy, you're all metal.

OK, you just go, you lead the way.

-Now his phone's off?! -(dial tone)

It was little hand at the two, 30 long hands ago!

-Why isn't he back?! -(horn honks)

Hey, Howie! Let's see that McFistSpeak WatchTalker!

(groans) It's a McFistWatch TimeTalk!

I didn't get one 'cause McFist is stranded in Scrap City.

(gasps) Scrap City! Howie, that's bad!

Ah, yeah, but it's not like East Speezleton bad...

It's way worse. They say, "No one gets out of Scrap City alive."

There's a reason they say that.

It's because no one gets out alive!

I mean, the Ninja would be OK in there, right?

Well, then the saying would be "The Ninja gets out alive", so... no.

I should do something. I should help.

We'll both help! Imagine, me, saving Mr. McFist.

I'd be a hero! Or at the very least Employee of the Week.

Dad, I think I have a plan. But it's gonna be dangerous.

If you saw the parking spot Employee of the Week gets, you'd know I'm already in.

Then step on it, Mort!

(blinker flickers)

You did it! You led me to the gate!

Thanks, Q.T. You're the best!

(Q.T. groans)

(beeping)

Come with me, QT. You can live in my garage.

We'll find ya a job, beepin', boopin',

whatever else you do... I don't know what you do.

I understand. This is your home. I will never forget you.

(sobbing) Hold it together, Ninja. Hold it together.

(crowd cheering)

What the juice?!

-McFist? -That's right, Ninja!

You fell for it! It was a trap the whole time!

The whole time? So crashing your hovercraft was a part of it?

OK, not the whole time. But once Spiky here picked me up, I realized:

these robots still work for me!

Not all the robots. I mean, not my friend...

No! No!

(laughing) Beep-boop, Ninja!

Q.T.!

Will ya stop calling me that?

You're embarrassing the both of us. The name's Dale.

I sent Dale here to find you and lure you back to us.

But he's my friend.

You guys won't believe this.

He's all, "Come home with me. Live in my garage!"

He's known me for like, what, five minutes?

He's askin' me to move in!

(all laughing)

He's just so lame! Totally fell for the trap!

So did you.

Hey... Come again?

(yelling)

Eh, so... turns out I wasn't in on the whole plan...

(groans)

Ninja and McFist!

You are guilty of crimes against Robo-manity!

Wait, why am I guilty? What the honk did I do?

You're kiddin', right? You've, like, stabbed like half the guys in this place.

Because you sent them to destroy me!

And if you'd let them, I wouldn't of had to junk them.

So... that's back on you, buddy!

(both grunting)

-Stop it! -I'll stop it if you stop it!

-Never! -(crowd cheering)

Ow!

(grunting)

-Yow! -(cheering)

Stop blocking my lasers!

Stop firing lasers!

(cheering stops) (cheering continues)

-Hmm. -I got him!

Everybody saw it!

Got him right in the scarf!

-Hello...? -(all cheering)

Time to end this once and for all.

Ninja-End-This Once-And-For-All-Ring!

My blastin' finger! (grunts)

That's right! Finish him!

Hey, Ninja, listen,

eh... about finishing me,

I was... I, I was thinking maybe... don't?

(all chanting) Finish him! Finish him!

"Victory lies in facing the greatest danger first."

Say what?

McFist isn't my greatest danger. These shoobin' robots are.

Just like on the hovercraft, I was so caught up in fighting McFist,

I didn't face the greater danger!

Hello. You still with us?

We have to stop fighting each other

and start facing the greater danger!

So we work together

or you destroy me... Um...

What is there to think about?!

Fine, I'll do it!

We're done fighting! There will be no "to the death" today!

That ain't your choice to make, Ninja!

(rumbling)

Eh... I changed my mind! Hehe. I'll go back to fighting Ninja if that's cool.

It ain't!

McFist, we're gonna get out of this,

but we have to work together.

-You run for the gate and I'll run... -I'm on it!

(panting) (screams)

Ninja-Greater-Danger-Slice!

(grunting)

(screams)

Hm? I did it!

-Come on. -OK, fine, we did it.

No, I mean come on!

Oi! Stop those fleshbags!

Ninja-Power-Line-Slice!

-How do we get out of here?! -(horn honking)

Hey, Ninja! You do not know me and I am here to rescue you!

Good old kid I've never met before.

I can always count on him... I assume.

-How'd you get into Scrap City? -Mort gave me a lift.

Hey, Mr. McFist! Hope you'll remember this

when you choose the next Employee of the Week.

I'm sure I won't!

Well. Looks like you're back to parking in P-16. Not that you ever left.

(panting)

Stop trying to get out of here, Mort, and get out of here!

(both laughing)

-(grunts) -You're not leaving Scrap City that easy!

Nothing about leaving Scrap City has been easy!

Hey, Punk-Bot! Get a job.

I had one until you fired me!

Ah, boop me.

As a reward for getting me out of Scrap City,

I present Ninja and this boy with McFistWatch TimeTalks.

(crowd cheering)

(robot chatter)

I still can't believe McFist saved you.

-Well, I saved him in the arena. -Oh, we're doing this, now?

We wouldn't have been in Scrap City if it wasn't for you!

-What? You captured me! -And I'll do it again!

(Randy) You did not save me!

(watch) It's four thirty, numbskull!

(laughs) Numbskull. Totally worth it.

Four thirty, four thirty, four thirty, four thirty...