Original subtitles

♪ Go, Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(groans)

-Cunningham, where are you? -I'm here!

(grunts) I'm here!

Took you long enough.

I had to hit three stores to find Pepper-peno McSquiddles.

So make 'em... last.

You just shoved them in.

You just shoved them all in.

(belches)

Howard, for the next 24 hours,

no bathroom breaks, no Ninja-ing, it's just you, me and...

(man on TV) Rorg! Hero of a past!

Chillaxia will never succumb to your evil, Commander Boneface.

-(grunts) -Don't be so sure, Rorg.

(cackling)

Oof!

You don't take an army to defeat my Kanga-saur, Rorg.

(cackling)

How about this arm-y?

You got 'em, Rorg!

-(grunts) -Shockazam!

(groans)

We got it, you're sick! Quit milking it!

Milking it? You're lucky I even came to work today.

Did you? Did you come to work today, Viceroy?

I see you sitting there. But I don't see any robots getting built!

How am I supposed to think of a new robot when my head's full of mucus?

You're not going anywhere until you build me a ninja destroying robot!

I hop you're prepared to be destroyed, Kanga-saur!

Kanga-saur, hmm. Sounds Ninja-destroying to me.

(moaning and coughing)

Me thinks it's time to banish, thee.

Do it on the snappity, Rorg. Mid-day feast is about to pop!

By the power of my right arm, I'm holding my sword up!

(man) That buster's packing ouch in the pouch.

No!

Rock'em sock'em!

(all) Yay!

(man) Rorg! Hero of a past!

-Always drink your milk. -Shockazam, kids.

Hoozer Doozer, here, with an important news announcement.

A monster's rampizzling through downtizzle.

-(gasps) -No, no! You can't leave!

Don't worry, I'm not. At least not until the Rorg-athon is over.

I'll be with you delivering all the deadly deets.

Looks like the Rorg-athon is Rorg-ath-off.

(gasps) Get downtizzle, stop that bot and make it quizzle!

-But... -I said quizzle!

-(screaming) -Smokebomb!

Kanga-saur?

What the Rorg?

(groans)

(grunting)

Yah!

(cell phone beeps)

What is taking so long?

You're not going to believe this, but I'm fighting a Kanga-saur!

Like from Rorg? Are you sure?

(screams) Pretty sure.

(grunting)

Then just fill its pouch and get back here! That's what Rorg did.

-This isn't a cartoon. -Okay, then do your thing.

Ninja-Expanding-Stuff-Bomb!

-Wow, that... that worked. -Was it my thing? Is that what worked?

Totally worked! A smo-boom!

Where do you think you're going?

(groans) You said once I built you

a Ninja-destroying robot I could go home.

What I meant to say was,

"You're not going anywhere until you destroy the Ninja!"

Also, you got a little booger.

(groans)

By the elders of Kaaruth, I command thee to follow me!

Mime, to put an end to this.

A-ha-ha!

It's slice knowing you, Mime-o-taur.

Silent but dead. Shockazam!

(all) Yay!

(man) Rorg!

Hero of a past!

Ha-ha! Shockazam!

I'm sure there's people out there who watch this for Rorg,

but me, I'm a Socko man.

-I can see that. - Hold the Rorg, Ween-amis.

Robo-rage at Charlie Cluckers!

Ninja better poof, pronto. Mime's running out!

Is that a Mime-o-taur?

What the juice?

First Rorg fights a Kanga-saur and a Kanga-saur attacks.

Then Rorg fights a Mime-o-taur and a Mime-o-taur attacks?

Do you know what this means?

Cartoon monsters are escaping their TV prisons and rampaging!

Hmm, could be, could be.

Or maybe Viceroy's copying his monsters from the Rorg marathon!

I like mine better.

If I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I am,

I already know how to beat this thing!

(Nomicon vibrating)

Ah, no need for the shloomp, Nomicon. I got this.

Okay, that's fine. I'll get a quick shloomp.

(yelling)

-(grunts) -(hisses)

"To defeat your enemy, you must know which enemy you are fighting."

-(laughing) -I know exactly which enemy I'm fighting.

The Mime-o-taur! Rorg, episode 67. Criminal Mimes.

BRB, Big H. I gotta go get my Ninja on.

Rorg-style.

(groans) I wanna go Rorg-style.

Hmm?

Hmm... idea.

(screaming)

Smokebomb! Hold it right there, Mime-o-taur.

I mean, wait a second. Halt! By the elders of Kaaruth, I command, thee!

Wow, that is really convincing!

Wait, are you really trapped in a box?

He mimed me! He mimed me so good!

(gasps)

If this thing's really like the Rorg monster.

All I have to do is... (grunts)

Slice knowing ya!

(Howard) Silent but dead.

(horn honking)

-Shockazam! -What the Socko?

Ninja, it's me, Howard.

I know it's you. You can't be here, it dangerous.

-So I should go? -It's not actually dangerous.

Viceroy's just copying Rorg monsters, and I know how to beat 'em.

So I should stay? If anyone knew you were you, they'd know I'm me!

-Oh, so I should go? -But no one's gonna recognize you

in that fantastic Socko costume.

-So you're saying... -Howard, we be gettin' our Rorg on!

Shockazam, Ninja!

♪ Rorg, hero of a past ♪

♪ By the power of his right arm ♪

♪ He'll stop evil With a blast from his sword ♪

♪ And now the search is up ♪

♪ It's a warrior from the future ♪

♪ Shock-a Shockazam ♪

♪ He's Rorg, hero of a past ♪

By the power of my right arm...

...I am holding my sword up!

Mmm. Well, well, Ninja's a Rorg fan. (coughs)

What are you muttering off about?

(groaning)

-(coughing) -(yells)

(cackling)

-Mm. -Whoa, hey!

Came down to yell at you, but now I'm thinking...

Ooh, maybe you should pack it up. Pack it. Over and out.

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

He thinks he's onto me, but I'm onto him.

All I have to do is flip the script! (cackling)

I'm going to... slowly back out of here.

Chillaxia will be mine!

(both) At last! (cackling)

(coughs)

-(screaming) -(roars)

Smokebomb! Ho, there, Tar-Hand-Tula.

Unhand that McFist-A-Plex.

(roars)

(tires screeching)

Sorry I'm late, Ninja. Missed the light.

(chuckles) And once you miss one.

Worry not, Socko, I was just about to fell this foul, fingered fiend!

Ohh, Ninja, what are you doing?

This is the Tar-Hand-Tula episode.

Right, right, Attack-nophobia, where Socko defeats the monster!

Oh, I can't believe it. My first solo monster fight!

You so got this.

All you gotta do is tickle his belly and his finger legs will fall right off.

Then it's wam-bam shock-a-zam, and we're clinking cartons of two percent.

Shockazam!

Hm? Shockazam!

-Okay, why isn't this working? -(muffled) I don't know.

You thought you could beat me at my own game, but it's my game,

and I'll cheat if I want to!

(cackling)

(yells) Why is this happening?

Maybe you didn't tickle him right?

You saying I don't know how to tickle? I know how to tickle.

Nah, just let me do it!

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!

Tar-Hand-Tula doesn't have lasers!

(screams)

Oh, no.

You know, this would be funny... if it was happening to someone else!

That wasn't in the show! It wasn't in the show!

That wasn't in the show either!

Ninja, what is going on?

-(yells) -What is going on?

This was supposed to be easy. We knew how to beat it.

"To defeat your enemy, you must know which enemy you are fighting."

Could you doodle a little faster?

We thought we were fighting Rorg's enemies,

but we're fighting my enemies!

-(roars) -(yells)

-Ah, Ninja! -Viceroy knew we knew.

So he knew if he flipped the script we wouldn't know.

I gotta unflip the script.

(Howard yelling)

Ninja-Unflip-The-Script!

Ninja-Web-Dodge! Ninja-Web-Dodge!

(grunting)

(cackling and coughing)

(yelling) Oh!

(grunts)

Air-Fist!

(gasps)

None of that was in the show.

From now on, we watch cartoons.

We don't live them.

-Shockazam. -Smokebomb.

(coughing)

Hmm?

No!

Listen, I'm not feeling so hot.

Probably nothing, but better safe than sorry, right?

So, I'm gonna bug out.

(moans and cries)

By the power of my right arm, I'm holding my sword up!

-Always drink your milk, kids. -Shockazam!

(video game sound effects)

(burping)

Is this the Brucest Saturday ever?

(groans) It ain't the wonkest.

Mom and Heidi visiting Uncle Nooj upstate.

Dad at work. You and me, 12 hours totally unsupervised!

(both) Epic hang!

(video game sound effects)

(groans, screams) All right, enough warm-up.

Time to take this hang to the Game Hole.

Okay, but I gotta be home by 3:00.

-What? -I'm kidding!

Totally unsupervised. Epic hang!

(door opening)

Dad! What are you doing home?

You know me, Howie. I don't like to do my business at my business.

(gasps) What in Sam holy hill happened here?

-Uh, where? -Hm! Here. And here.

And here!

It was a mistake to leave you unsupervised.

(stomach growls)

Randy, it's time for you to go home.

Howie, you're grounded!

Grounded? It's not fair.

Oh, it was epic while it lasted.

Hmm.

Mort, you got it all wrong.

We didn't trash the house.

(Mort) Then who did, Howie?

I suppose some masked bandit appeared in a puff of smoke

and laid waste to any entire living room and dinette set.

Uhh, that's exactly what happened, the Ninja! Yeah!

-He trashed our house. -The Ninja?

The Ninja? You told him the Ninja did it?

I made a judgment call! I was trying to save our hang!

Did you? Did you save our hang?

No. Dad told me to stay here and think about what I've done.

I hate thinking about what I've done. You gotta do something, Cunningham!

Well, I suppose I could just Ninja out, go to Mort's office and tell him I did it.

Yeah, do that.

Man, people are just handing me the answers today.

(book whistles)

I was being sarcastic. I didn't think he'd actually want to do it.

(grunts, yells)

Huh?

"He who deserves the blame must blame himself."

I know, I know. Howard and I made the mess.

We must blame ourselves.

Although, in addition to being me, I am also the Ninja.

So, technically, I can also must blame the Ninja.

Howard's gonna love this. Epic hang!

Oww!

I present to you my latest Ninja-destroying robot,

the Scare-a-Dactyl.

Ooh, shrink the Ninja, I like it.

Sir, this is just a model.

The actual Scare-a-Dactyls are ten times larger.

So you're gonna make the Ninja bigger. That seems complicated.

Mmm.

(groans)

I destroyed your living room. So sorry.

Signed, the Ninja.

No. No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

-(beep)

-Ahhh. -(alarm sounds)

-(explosion) -Ahhh!

(grunts) Hey, I was just...

Is this where I...? Résumés, to drop them off?

Huh?

Show's over, people. Back to work.

The note. Where's the note?

-(elevator dings) -No time!

"I destroyed your home and office. Signed, the Ninja."

Ninja boom balls!

I can't believe Ninja got in and out of here so easily.

Maybe he shrunk himself.

-What happened? -Ninja busted in and trashed the joint.

Don't know why. Certainly not because of me.

Maybe he's after you.

Why would the Ninja be after me?

Why would the Ninja be after him?

I couldn't be because of the pathetic excuse of a robot

you designed that went on the fritz and attacked him.

Oh, no, it couldn't be that.

Oh, yeah. He was pretty steamed about that one.

Wow, would not wanna be you right now.

(gasps)

"I destroyed your home and office. Signed, the Ninja."

-Oh, no! (gasps) -(phone rings)

(shudders)

Hey, Dad. It's me.

Howie, you were right. The Ninja is after me...

And you're sorry. I get it. So, am I ungrounded?

Yes, you're ungrounded but please stay at the house.

Mmm, see that sounds like I'm still grounded.

Oh, no. You're not still grounded.

Perfect-o! I will be at El Game-o Hole-o.

No, Howie, wait! (screams)

(shuddering)

(gasps) Oh!

Ninja!

Just wanted to make sure you got my message.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I got it loud and clear.

Good.

Oh, you're running. Okay, well, say "hi" to the family for me.

(cell phone ringing)

"Ungrounded. Epic hang back on!"

Say "hi" to the family. Why would I say hi to the...

Unless he's after...

(gasps) Oh, no.

No, you can destroy my day bed,

you can smash my credenza,

but you do not say "hi" to Mort Weinerman's family.

(electronic voice) Fifth floor. McWeapons division.

ID please.

Here's your ID, Eric.

(mummering)

Oh, this is exactly what I need.

If only they had it in a large.

Jackpot!

Smokebomb!

-Told you it'd work! -You?

-I did everything! -Fine, we'll call it even.

Once you take care of that.

That's right, get away from my Howie, you masked menace.

You think you're Mr. Big Jammies, chasing people around.

Prepare to take the wrath of Mort Weinerman!

Huh?

I did it! I got the ninja!

It's a good think I played it cool back there.

We both know who the ninja's really after... lights... me...

-Which is why I built these: -Ooh!

An entire fleet of Scare-a-Dactyls.

Giant Scare-a-Dactyls to destroy a tiny ninja.

Now, that's a plan!

Ooh, we seem to be down a dactyl.

Hmm. Mort Weinerman signed it out.

Weinerman... never liked that guy!

He captured the Ninja!

Morty! Always liked that guy.

What are you waiting for? We gotta help him!

Release the dactyls!

(cackling)

(grunting)

Ninja-Talon-Spike!

Ninja-Flying-Dinosaur- Chainsickle-Swing!

Mort! What are you doing?

Taking the fight to you. Nobody hurts my family.

Huh? Uh...

(grunting)

I'm not gonna hurt your family!

You got that right!

You're not doing to my Howie, what you did to my china hutch!

(yelling)

(cell phone ringing)

(groans) What's taking you so long!

Just destroy the shoob!

(gasps)

(slow-motion yelling)

Wait, don't! That shoob's my father!

He thinks I'm trying to destroy you so he's trying to destroy me!

Aw, Daddy.

(yelling)

(gasps)

Mort, you have to stop.

We wouldn't be in this situation in you hadn't vandalized my home.

(screaming)

I didn't vandalize your...

(grunts) Huh?

"He who deserves the blame can only blame himself."

The Ninja didn't deserve the blame? We did.

-Howard, you gotta tell Mort the truth. -Forget that, I'll be re-grounded.

He's gonna end me. Or himself. Or both of us!

Howard! Howard! For the love of cheese, Howard!

(groans) Fine, but you owe me.

Little busy right now.

I lied, Ninja didn't trash our house.

Randy and I did, but mostly Randy. Bye.

Lied? My Howie lied?

I stole a robot dinosaur, I almost destroyed the Ninja and Eric. Oh, Eric.

He was just doing his job.

-(grunts) -(breaking sound)

Ooh.

(yelling)

Hey, Mort, no worries about the misunderstanding.

What do you say you send this girl down to... bye-bye.

It appears that in a small fit of rage at my son,

I may have damaged the steering mechanism beyond repair.

Ahh!

Ninja-Dino-Surf!

Nice flying, Ninja. You're a regular Neil Apestrong.

Ninja-Not-Out-Of-The-Woods-Yet!

-Blast 'em, Mort. -(Mort makes firing noises)

Hiya!

We got one on our tail!

Smokebomb!

(groans)

Ha, yes!

(indistinct yelling)

Ninja-Loop-De-Loop!

Come on, come on.

Yah!

It's time to go, Morty.

Ninja-Scarf-Chute!

You did it! You shrunk him!

Go. Go get him! Take him down!

Do you make anything that works?

He's not... (yelling)

(grunts)

Dad, that was so brave...

...of me to come clean like that.

That easily deserves a second un-grounding.

-Am I right? -Ninja, time for you to go home.

So this seems like a family...

I'm just gonna Smokebomb my way out. Smokebomb.

I can't believe we spent the last three hours

of our epic hang pulling an epic scrub.

We shouldn't have blamed the Ninja.

If we told your dad the truth...

We still woulda had to clean this place up.

Hey, at least it's done, right?

(rumbling)

I better go take care of that. Okay?

(grunting)

My dad's never going to believe this.

(theme music playing)