Original subtitles

♪ Go, Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

Ho-ho, no you di'n't!

You'll never guess what my parents gave me for Hanukkah last night!

Uh...socks?

Socks are not a gift!

A McFistPad is a gift. A McFistBox is a gift.

I think you're missing the meaning of Hanukkah.

Eight nights celebrating the old...

Spare me the "special holiday episode" talk.

You don't understand with your one day of a million presents.

Hey, I get socks for Christmas.

Yeah. And then you hang them by the chimney with care

and when you wake up they're stuffed with presents!

Mine are stuffed with feet!

(gags) You got that sock last night?

(chuckles) I know, right?

I'm as disgusted as you.

-(rumbling) -(both) Hm?

(people screaming)

What the juice? That thing's trashing our Game Hole!

You gotta stop it!

If you don't, we'll have nowhere to spend our holidays!

And weekends! And most afternoons.

Oh, it is on-anukkah like Hanukkah!

-That was for you, buddy. -(groans)

That thing's wreckin' my Game Hole!

Smokebomb!

Ninja Rings!

(rings clinking)

-Uh... -(robot grunts)

Aw, skee, not my bowl-in-fun game!

(grunting)

Ninja Electro Balls!

(electricity zapping)

My Hole! It's skee... Skee...

Gone, man. Skee-gone.

What kind of heartless maniac

sends a robot to destroy an innocent Game Hole?

Cash register will go there. Display racks there.

Oooh, and we'll need recessed ceiling lights.

And a ceiling.

Sorry folks, Game Hole's closed for remodeling.

But don't worry, a little paint, she'll be as good as new.

More like, good as shoe.

-(both laughing) -Hmm.

Oh, it got ahead of you there.

I'm buyin' this joint and turning it into a shoe store for the missus.

I'm callin' it...

Shoe-Mert! Shoe-Mert? Wait, that can't be right.

Shoe-Mert. Eh, it's kinda growing on me.

You can't buy the Game Hole!

I don't see a Game Hole.

I see a pile of rubble.

What do you see, Mr. City of Norrisville Building Inspector?

City Ordinance AA-23: "To maintain arcade status,

a gaming establishment must have at least one game in operation at all times

or it shall be instantly condemned and sold."

No games! No Hole!

Okay, I'm thinking we do high heels here,

boots here and seasonal stuff over here by the Ninja.

Ninja?

You can't do this, McFist!

Sorry, Ninja. Rules are rules.

Without a game being played, there's nothing anyone can do.

-If only we had a working game! -Found one!

But nobody's playing it! Somebody has to be playing it, right?

Those are the rules.

Young boy! Get thee to that game!

But good Ninja, I haven't any token!

Gah! You always "haven't any token!"

(game) Fight Knight! Lord Mac, Earl of the Hive,

must to defeat all the knights!

Someone's still playing.

Someone's still playing, Viceroy!

Don't worry. We just have to wait until the boy loses.

He's playing the only working game.

Greg, tell me you have other games.

-I have other games. -Yes!

Are you telling me that because I told you to tell me or...

They're at my Storage Hole across town.

To the Storage Hole!

Keep playing 'til we get back or the Game Hole's gone forever!

Yeh, no problem, Ninja!

(groans) The last token!

No! (grunting)

Ninja Last Token Fling!

-Hm? -Ah!

-Huh? -(game) Fight Knight!

Lord Mac, Earl of the Hive, must to defeat all the knights!

You got nothing to worry about, Ninja. I got this.

To the Storage Hole!

I need this Shoe-Mert, Viceroy! Remember last Christmas?

(bells jingling)

It's a rider. Now you don't have to push anymore!

-Ooh! -(laughing) Whoo-hoo!

Really need the Shoe-Mert!

Don't worry. They'll never make it back with those games.

(maniacal laugh)

-Less cackling, more swiping! -Hmm.

Last one. Games... so... heavy...

I'd help you Ninja,

but someone's gotta hold this bag of tokens.

(engine starts)

(gasps)

Get those games to the Hole! I'll meet you there!

Oh, you left already?

Okay, that's cool. Whatever.

Let's do this!

Hm.

Gah! Thought they would stop!

Watch your back! (laughs)

Okay... (yells)

Huh? No!

For real? Okay...

Stab! Ninja Head Slice!

(grunts) Hello!

(grunting) And... wha...?

Skee-whoa, man!

(slurps)

Ninja Double-Snatch!

Saved my butt, Ninja. Here.

"Ten percent off at the Food Hole?"

This expired yesterday!

-Oh yeah, it's the thought that counts. -(groans)

McFist is pulling out all the stops. I gotta warn Howard.

Robo-Apes? That's nothing!

You should see the looks McFist is giving me!

(groaning)

Look at us. Working together. Me, saving the Game Hole.

You... doing whatever it is you sidekicks do.

Uh, sidekick?

Uh, listen, gotta jump. Fighting for my life here.

He's gonna choke. He's gonna choke.

Eh, word on the street is you're gonna choke.

(laughing) Mr. McFist,

my boy is playing the recorder in his holiday recital tonight,

-so I'm just gonna... -(grunting)

You're not going anywhere!

(game) Oh, Knight Number Four is of the defeated.

Lord Mac is now to level five!

I've never raised to level five before!

(crowd cheering)

You'd better stop those games from getting here

or it's going to be worse than two Christmases ago!

(bells jingling)

It's a pusher. Now you don't have to cut it by hand anymore!

-Ooh. -(laughs) Yeah!

Then consider this your eighth night of Hanukkah present.

-Is it a yeti? -It's a yeti.

-Is that a yeti? -It's a yeti.

-(tires skid) -(shouts)

(tunes radio)

(funk music plays on radio)

Hey! Let go of that truck!

Ah! Not what I meant!

(grunting)

Can't stop truck with feet!

Which, when said out loud, seems very obvious.

Ninja Air-Fists!

Gotta dig you out of there.

Surely I got a Ninja Shovel or Ninja Road Salt...

All good. Skee-plow, man, skee-plow.

Ha.

Look, we could keep fighting here,

but seeing as it's the holidays and all, how 'bout you just give up?

(roars)

No? Not doing that? Okay, fighting it is.

(roars)

Gotta slow him down!

Icy roads... I need icy roads.

What do you got for icy roads?

Ninja Hydro-Hand? Nomicon, you're a genius!

Ninja Hydro-Hand!

Aw yeah! Aw no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

(whimpers)

Ahh!

Whoa, whoa. (grunts)

Skee-ow, man.

Aw! The Game Hole's only a block away!

Aw, man, we were so close.

Huh?

Greg, I think I have an idea...

You think you have an idea or you have an idea--

I have an idea! Sheesh.

-(Howard chuckling) -(crowd) Howard! Howard! Howard!

Come on, come on, come on, Eighth Knight! I am so good at this game!

-Howard! (clears throat) -They aren't going to make it.

And you know what I'm gonna do when this place is mine?

Smash that game!

(Ninja) Ninja Hydro-Hand! Ninja Air Fist!

Ninja Hydro-Hand! Ninja Air Fist!

Ninja Hydro-Hand! Ninja Air Fist!

Ninja Hydro-Hand! Ninja Air Fist!

Ninja Hydro-Hand...

Hey Ninja, I would'a helped ya

but the cold weather tightens up the back.

Aw. Enjoy these years, man.

Ninja?

Ninja! Thank cheese.

(game) The Knight Number Eight is victorious!

-Mac the Bee is of the losing! -Wait, I...lost?

No! No!

Shoe-Mert! Shoe-Mert!

Really glad this worked out.

I did not need a repeat of three Christmases ago.

(bells jingling)

It's grass seed!

So you can grow that lawn you always wanted!

-Ooh. -(laughs) Yeah!

Okay, where do I sign?

Here, here, here and...

(game) Get ready for to play Quack Man!

You are hungry for many dots!

-Where'd you come from? -I'm eatin' dots!

(quacking)

He ruins it every year!

Every year!

Sorry about your Shoe-Mert, Mr. McFist.

But with another game in operation,

this place is once again recognized by the city as a Game Hole.

(all cheer)

(both laugh)

The Game Hole is saved!

-We did it! -"We?" (laughs)

Sure, if that's what you need to call it, then "we."

(groans softly) Smokebomb.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go hear the world's worst recorder solo.

Ahh!

How am I gonna tell Marci?

(Marci) Tell me what, Hannibal?

Hey, Candy Cane. I was going to say...

(gasps) You got me all these wonderful shoes

as a Hanukkah gift?

Oh, Hannie, oh I can't wait to see what you do for Christmas.

I can't either.

(groans) I hate the holidays.

I would help you, fellas, but... I don't want to.

Howard, you made one token last eight knights.

-On Hanukkah! How crazy is that? -Why's that crazy?

It's almost exactly the story of Hanukkah!

It's a Hanukkah miracle!

No, a Hanukkah miracle would be if I get home

and there's a McFist Pad Slim under the menorah!

I'm starting to think

you don't know the first thing about Hanukkah.

And a merry dreidel to you too, Cunningham.

Ooh, you don't. You don't know anything.

(Randy and Howard) Snow-klahoma!

(Randy) Norrisville's premiere inside outside artificial snow-park!

Snowmobile rides! Yeti cave!

And Brucest of all: Snow Way Out!

The world's highest vertical sled drop.

The New England Journal of Pain and Suffering

gave it four crutches up!

(Howard) Finally! The fun of being outside in the cold

meets the comfort of being inside in the warm!

I cannot wait until school's out!

-(both) Hm... -(loud ticking)

-(bell rings) -(both) School's out!

(kids shouting)

(grunts)

(gasps) What are you doing?

Eh, just a little good-time insurance.

Whenever we're gonna do something Bruce,

that book totally wonks our cheese!

(grunts)

Uh, name one time the Nomicon has wonked our cheese!

Okay, fine. So occasionally our cheese gets wonked.

But it's probably not gonna happen this time?

Are you asking me or telling me?

I'm telling you?

Don't tell me. Tell the book.

No, yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna tell the book!

I just gotta do my combo here...

...and... (grunting)

...here, and now I'm going to tell 'em.

(humming)

(gags, then groans)

Nomicon, we need to talk.

(moans, then shouts)

Ow!

Listen, I think we can agree

I've been doing a pretty Bruce job lately.

So I was thinkin', you know, maybe today I could go solo?

Like, you could chill here-ish?

In the general "my locker" area?

(screaming)

(crashing)

"A Ninja's choices must be chosen by his own choosing."

(stammers) Sinceriously, Nomicon?

I get to choose for myself?

Then enjoy my locker, 'cause I choose Snow-klahoma!

Ha-ha! Alright!

-(voice) Julian... -Who said that?

Why, you said that.

Who are you?

I'm you.

What do I want from me?

Freedom! Here, take my hand.

(whimpering)

(gasps)

(shouts) No! Let me go!

Don't fight it. It's inevitable.

(sobbing)

Whoa, whoa!

-Ah! -(snarls)

Julian?

Oh Randall, praise cheese!

It was horrible!

I strained and struggled and pulled...

Well there's your problem right there. You're supposed to push.

(sobbing)

(sniffing) A familiar fear.

But an unfamiliar evil?

A new playmate perhaps?

Time to have a little fun.

(laughs)

Well everything seems to be okay now,

so... I'm just gonna... I'm gonna go.

No! Please, I beg of you!

Don't leave me alone!

I'm so afraid.

Ah! Stupid stank! C'mon!

No! It's never easy!

-(whiny sobs) -(rat squeaking)

Howard, I...

Let me guess, it said "no."

-No... -Oh! I knew it would be "no"!

No, it said, "Yes"!

Actually it said I could choose, so I chose "Yes!"

Yes! Let's go! Sno-kla...

Hold on, what's with the ankle jewelry?

(whimpering) The bathroom...

I was pulling...

(laughs) Well, there's your problem right there, you have to push.

That's what I said. Look, he's freaked out

and if I don't get him out of here, he'll get stanked.

I have to make a choice!

Hey, Julian.

Wanna come with me and Howard to Snow-klahoma?

Cunningham, no! No! No!

-(giggles) -(groans)

"Hey Julian, wanna come with me and Howard to Snow-klahoma?"

Stupid Cunningham. Nomicon didn't wonk our cheese. You did!

I didn't wonk anything. Would you just enjoy Snow-klahoma?

(bobsledders whooping)

-(both) Whoa... -What shall we do first?

Snow Angels? Snowflake catching?

Ooh, I know: sidewalk shoveling!

(giggles) Oh, what a hoot!

We brought him here like you said. Now let's ditch him like I said!

You never said that.

Because it goes without saying!

Howard, he's here. Just let it go.

But I wanted to do the two-man bobsled!

Two-man, three-man. What's the diff?

(both grunt)

-Ohh! -(all grunt)

(Julian giggles) Whoopsie!

(Howard) One man! That's the diff!

What a gem of a topple! Oh, the Robert-sled is so much fun!

Does he mean "bobsled"?

All I know is, somebody wonked my cheese.

'Cause this cheese? Wonked.

Howard, you fake right, I'll juke left and boom!

Yeti captured!

And what will my contribution be?

-Besides annoying us? -Just stay and guard our yeti.

-(quiet snarl) -(slight giggle)

-(both grunt) -(whimpers)

(grunting)

(Julian) Oh, Randall!

What are you doing?

I got scared! I was alone!

Bad things happen when I'm alone!

(grunting)

(laughs) Yeah!

I'm snatchin' your snowsquatch!

(grumbling)

(laughs, then grunts)

You did that to yourself.

Ditch him, ditch-him, ditch him, ditch him...

Oh, look at us! Aren't we a trio of bros?

We should do this every day!

Fine! Maybe letting Julian tag along wasn't the best choice.

But I couldn't leave him there to get stanked!

And you didn't leave him there! Now let's leave him here!

-Snowball! -(both gagging)

This snowball tastes an awful lot like...

Dandruff? I know! Festive, isn't it?

My mouth tastes like Julian's scalp. Do something!

Carry me!

(both groan)

(gasps) I'm about to make another choice.

One I think you'll like.

(evil giggle)

-(wind blowing) -(Julian whimpering)

Brr! So cold. So unforgiving.

So... maze-y.

A fellow could get lost in here if he were alone.

(Randy) This way, Julian!

(both laughing)

Try to keep up, would ya?

Of course! I'm right behind you!

Or not.

Randall? Howard? Anyone?

Hello me, it's you again.

(screams) Help! Get me out of this wretched winter paradise!

Oh, I can help me with that.

-(frightened whimpering) -(wicked cackling)

-(screams) -(loud, maniacal laughter)

Mercilessly ditching Julian?

Finally you made a good choice.

You said it, buddy. Now it's just us.

-(rumbling) -(snarling sounds)

-(both) Hm? -(roaring)

(crowd screams)

You think he's mad about us ditching him?

Us? No. You chose that, Cunningham.

Hey! Ugh...

That's one-a cryogenically frozen snow globe.

You never gonna forgetta the good-a time you had-a here.

-(laughs) Oh! -Huh?

-Ahh! -(roaring)

-Ooh! -Smokebomb!

-(screaming) -Ninja Jerk Save!

(grunts)

-(roars) -(grunting)

Uh... Whoa!

(all screaming)

Ninja Slow-Down Sword!

Ah!

Ah! So cold! So... temperate, actually. Kinda nice.

(grunting)

-Howard? -Hey!

The line really cleared up after the fight broke out.

Ninja!

(grunting)

I don't know what got into you, Julian, but we gotta get it out!

-(snarling) -Ninja Block! Ninja on the edge!

(shouts)

Time to de-stank!

Ninja Hat Slash!

-(shrieking) -Or not.

There must be another way. What could be another way?

Nomicon, could use some help here!

The Nomicon, you left that at school.

(banging)

You told me to leave it at school!

-(grunting) -(shrieking)

-You're blaming me? -Yes! I'm blaming you!

This is all your fault! You said...

(gasps) "A Ninja's choices must be chosen by his own choosing."

-I chose to listen to you! -Sounds like it's your fault.

-But... -Your...

-But... -Fault.

-Hm. -Hm.

Ninja Tail Slash!

Ninja Lapel Slash?

How do I de-stank a goth?

(grunting)

Julian, I can't de-stank you.

But I can't hold you forever.

(grunting) I'm gonna have to make a tough choice here.

That won't be necessary, Ninja.

What the juice? Why'd he de-stank?

I didn't even do anything.

Ah, but you did.

(giggles)

And I must thank you for bringing me here.

Be seeing you, Ninja.

(evil laugh)

Just when you think he can't get any weirder... weirder.

Right? And what's with that hat? Has it been white the whole time?

What hat? Julian wears a hat?

Whoa.

That thing is seriously cheesed off at you.

Shh. It's okay, it's okay. I understand now.

My journey will be chosen by the choices of my own choosing.

I get it. Shh. Come here.

Okay, I'm gonna give you two a moment alone.

Hush, hush. Okay, baby.

Listen, I promise, I'm only making my own choices from now on.

Tell that book to get over it. Everything turned out okay!

Hello? Anyone?

Someone? Help!

(whistling a tune)

(theme music playing)