Original subtitles

-♪ Go ninja! ♪ -(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb ♪

(screaming)

How do we keep losing all of our tickets?

'Cause we keep betting them on laser tag! And we're wonk at laser tag!

(groans) How many do we have left?

Counting the one I found under the urinal, that makes one.

Aw! We'll never get the Mega-Prize!

Hey, losers, thanks for the tickets.

(groans) All I've ever wanted

since I saw it 20 minutes ago is the Mega-Prize!

Same-sies. But what can we do?

I dunno. It's not like we can just go in there and try to...

-(Howard continues indistinct) -(screaming)

then we'd be stuck raising a talking parrot

and those things live for like 30 years!

-What? -I mean, I guess you...

-(Howard continues indistinct) -(screaming)

But it'd probably burn up on re-entry anyway.

What are you talking about?

Not heard a word I've said?

No! There's a screaming girl... Goink! Screaming girl!

Nice! Leave me to figure everything out!

(Ninja) Smokebomb!

Time for some gorilla warfare!

Totally deserved that!

Ninja Chain-Sickle! Whoa!

(grunting)

(screaming)

Ninja Air Fist!

(screaming)

(groans) Would you please stop screaming?

(groans) Thank you.

Wait a second, you're not a girl. You're a robot!

-(screaming) -(grunting)

Nasty!

What the juice? She gooed me!

What the double juice? Is this some kind of prank?

Huh? One you guys? Is someone prank... Is anybody pranking me?

(chuckles) That was some kind of prank!

It wasn't a prank! That's tracking dye. Now we can track the Ninja anywhere.

Ooh! Play it again! Play it again!

-(groans) -(screaming)

(laughing)

(Howard groans) I don't know how, and I don't know when,

but you will be mine.

Mega-Prize! Enormous, unpocket-able.

Oh, you make me sick.

You'll never guess what happened!

Ninja suit, lame joke, fighty, fighty, smokebomb.

No! Well, no yeah, you nailed it.

But also, for some reason the ape tricked me

into lowering my defenses so robogirl could goo me!

See, all I heard was: "I don't have a plan to win the Mega-Prize!"

Hmm?

Or maybe I do! Everybody thinks we're wonk at laser tag. Their guards are down!

We'll challenge 'em again, I Ninja out and... pew!

Use the Ninja suit? That's genius!

-Ah. Knew it. -Always hated that idea.

Vloomp ya on the flippity!

Uh... listen, I know what you're gonna say,

but I have to Ninja out to win the Mega-Prize! It's framed!

(Randy) "A true Ninja is always victorious."

Yes! Victorious! At laser tag! True Ninja!

Finally, Nomicon, we're on the same page!

Guess what: Nomicon's on board!

If it's in, I'm out!

-But we can get the Mega-Prize. -Back in!

(gasps) What's that, Howard?

You got 500 more tickets?

-(exclaim) -I didn't say...

I couldn't help but overhear, you have 500 tickets.

Care to make another wager?

I don't know. Give us a sec, would ya?

Cunningham, we don't have 500 tickets!

But they don't know that, right? A secret?

Oh... the classic "Pretend to have tickets when you don't."

Why didn't you tell me we're running The Uncle Sledge?

How is he by the way?

Good. He got his yard privileges back.

Hmm... Hey, we're in.

Hope you do better than blast time.

You-stink-at-Laser-Tag, zing!

(Howard) Cunningham, where are you? I'm lost and vulnerable!

(nervous chuckle)

Don't call out! They'll track you!

(chuckles) Ninja time!

It's the Ninja! Thanks to my tracking dye, we can track him!

(giggles)

It's even funnier in slo-mo.

-(slo-mo screaming) -(giggling)

-Hey Weinerdoof... -Oh, there you are.

-(gasps) -What the juice?

No honkin' way!

-(beeping) -(screaming and coughing)

Like pew-ing fish in a barrel, right, Bucky?

(sighs) Underestimated our opponents, zing!

Tick me five-hundo.

This is totally unacceptable! It's not fair!

(sighs) If I must.

I feel terrible... that we didn't think of this sooner!

Let's do it again!

(powers down)

(screams) The Ninja's gone!

I didn't have time to pinpoint his location!

Thinkin' of putting this bad boy on ShoobTube. You feelin' that?

If he pops up again, I can triangulate it down to a city block...

(screaming)

Probably get "Pick of the Week".

Five-hundred tickets?

Pradeep don't charge his battery pack for less than a thousand, baby.

Oh, OK, then should we make it a thousand?

I would charge my battery pack for that.

It's Ninja O'Clock!

(groans) How do you not feel stupid saying that?

I don't know.

Ooo! The Ninja's back!

(dial-up sound)

(grunts) My screen's gone!

(grunts) The Ninja's gone!

Hey, screen's back!

A lil' worried about your screen, you didn't know I'm here.

(chuckles) The important thing is we had fun.

Oh, and give me your tickets.

-(groans) -(gigging) Ticket, ticket...

-Cunningham, go time! Andale! -Oh!

(upbeat music playing)

Got him! Ninja's at the Laze-A-Rena!

Shh!

Just need to pick the right robot...

Lazer-Bots! Yay!

Keep it down! I'm on with Tech Support.

Uh, yes, screen keeps going blue.

Next time the Ninja shows: Pew, pew.

Ooo! That's great!

She's connecting me with her supervisor.

-Five thousand tickets! One... -(both) Mega-Prize!

Huh?

Howard! Super Mega-Prize?

I thought it was a myth! And we only need 2,000 more tickets!

Howard, wait, are we being greedy? Maybe we should stop.

(both laughing)

Maybe we should stop! You're killing me Cunningham.

We just need one last pair of shoobs to hustle...

Well, what have we here?

Looks like about 2,000 tickets...

(chuckles) Circle's back, baby! It is on!

(McFist humming)

Oh, no, you've found me!

Hello Super-Mega-Prize!

Hmm?

(screams) What the juice?

Get ready to eat Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation, shoobs.

Your vests don't work. Laser foul!

Ninja Snatch!

Real lasers? Unbelievable! These guys aren't playing fair!

I don't think they're playing at all!

(gasps)

(all screaming)

Lazer-Bots! McFist must have sent them. But why?

(gasps) He's after the Super-Mega Prize!

Or... and I'm just saying, or... he's after the Ninja.

I'm outta here!

Howard, warn the others on your way out!

-Yeah, if it comes up! -No... warn them!

All right, Okay.

You don't wanna go in there. There's robots firing real lasers...

Yeah, right, Howard. You hustled us! Now give us back our tickets.

Mmm...

Blast him!

-Those are real lasers! -Told ya.

(all screaming)

I don't wanna die! Too-scared-to-zing, zing!

Quick, young laserman, get them out of harm's way!

You got it. Everybody follow me!

Ninja says!

Ninja-Make-'Em-Think-I'm-Going-This-Way- When-I'm-Really-Going-That-Way!

Wha... What the juice? How'd you know where...

Oh, the goo from the girl! It wasn't a prank! It's tracking dye!

If I hadn't suited up to win at laser tag, McFist couldn't have tracked me!

And I wouldn't have put everyone in danger!

"A true Ninja is always victorious."

Well, this doesn't feel victorious!

Ohhh... I don't need to be victorious to be a true Ninja.

I need to be a true Ninja to be victorious!

If putting on the suit got me into this...

then I need to...

Ninja-Midair-De-Suit!

(screams)

-Ninja destroyed! -That wasn't the true Ninja.

(giggles) Yes! Good job.

Thanks, buddy.

No, you're supposed to say "good job",

'cause I did such a good job warning those guys.

Not so fast. Hand over those tickets you hustled from us.

-(grunts) -(screams)

(scoffs) You guys are idiots.

-(powering down) -Oh! We were so close!

So close? We did it! I'm sittin' on Three Thumbs Up over here.

(groans)

Ooo, now it's four! Five! I'm blowin' up!

(all cheering)

(groans) So wonk! No tickets!

No Super-Mega-Prize! No nothing!

Now what're we gonna do today?

Well, I'm going home to wash the goo out of my Ninja suit.

Yeah, I guess I could watch that.

(grunts)

(groans) Can't... let him get... the ball!

(grunts)

Good job! You let him get the ball!

-Was that sarcastic? -Did it sound sarcastic?

Well that sounded sarcastic.

(grunting)

Out of options! I gotta destroy it!

(screaming)

(gasps, breathing heavily)

-Bad dream? -The worst!

There's a Gargoyle... trying to get the Sorcerer's Ball and... stop.

Were you watching me sleep?

Oh, is that what you were doing? It was so weird. Eyes closed.

-Head on a pillow. Ha! Weirdo! -How do you sleep?

How should I know? I'm asleep.

Now come on. Game Hole won't play itself.

Uh...

Better take this, just to be safe.

So you destroyed the world? That's what you went with?

What else could I do?

Seems like anything would have been better. Anything at all.

Uh, the gargoyle had it in his mouth! A gargoyle, in his gargoyle mouth.

I'm just sayin'. There's always options.

(game) Bandits on loose!

You have turned key and jammed! Hole filled with ball!

Like that! You could'a hidden it in a hole!

If bandits can't get balls from holes, no one can!

Ooh! Great idea, Howard. Next time I have the exact same dream, I'll do that.

Ahh!

-Ninja time. Take the stick. -You got it. Oh... it's all warm.

(scream, grunts)

Oh, thank ball. I'm okay, don't worry, everybody.

Everybody? Um...

Where is everybody?

Gotta... stop... Poodle Moth... thing...

(screams)

It's after the Sorcerer's Ball!

Ha!

Now find a hole and jam it in there!

Hole? Where am I gonna find a hole in the middle of the street?

Hmm?

Ooh, manhole. Yup, yup, yup...

-What are you waiting for? -I'm thinking!

Something about throwing a ball of concentrated evil

into a sewer does not seem right.

That's where I put all my concentrated evil.

(chuckles) Concentrated evil.

Something's wonk about this...

(grunting)

(straining)

Ninja Can't-Let-You-Get-Away-With-That!

Oh... my bad.

-(screaming) -Bad dream?

Poodle Moth... world... gone... It was... just a nightmare?

Aw, you got to have a nightmare? Lucky. I had to watch this.

(voiceover) Silt Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Silt,

has been brought to you by McBubbleBurp: Wake Up and Taste It!

-(burping) -McBubble-What? Wake up and hubba-the-wah?

Trust me, that is not the only question you'd be asking

if you just saw Revenge of the Silt.

Lot of plot holes...

...and the ball blew up everything!

So you destroyed the world? That's what you went with?

What else could I do?

Seems like anything else would have been better.

-Anything at all. -I feel like we've done this before. Hmm?

Oh! Now we'll never make it to the Game Hole in time

for the inaugural plug-in of Key-Turnin' Ball-Jammer!

Did you say... Key-Turnin' Ball-Jammer?

Thumb-Buster magazine gave it four blisters up!

It's set in world where a key opens a thing and...

-... you jam a ball in it! -(gasps)

You ball-jammed without me?

No! No, no, no, no, no! That's the game from my dream...

-My satch-el! -(roars)

-Yes! It's Ninja time! -What the honk? You hate Ninja time.

Oh, right, I mean, boo! Ninja time! But seriously, Ninja time.

Smokebomb!

Un-tongue that ball, Gila Monster. Or is it Hila Monster?

I mean, it can't be Jila Monster, can it?

Ninja-Rings!

Ninja-Stomp!

Give... it... back! (grunting)

Throw the ball in the hatch!

I'm sorry, I gotta take a minute here,

this is exactly like my dream!

-Minute's up! -That was like a second!

All right Nomicon, kinda facing a deja-vu stankpocalypse here.

What the cheese is going on?

Come on, shloomp me in! Shloomp. Me. In!

(grunting)

-You have to jam the ball! -I have a better idea!

Ninja-Boom-Balls!

-Uh, we should run. -Running?

(grunting)

Howard!

-Bones! I can see your bones! -Bad dream?

It was a bad dream within a bad dream within a bad dream!

-There was this... -Stop!

Only thing more boring than your dreams, is when your dreams' dreams have dreams.

(bell rings)

It's like I keep living the same moment over and over and over and over and...

-I know the feeling. -(screams)

-Would you relax? -No! I can't relax!

I don't know what's real and what's a dream! Is this a dream?

If it is, it's a stupid one.

Okay, okay, in every dream, a monster tries to get the powerball.

So if this is a dream, that means a monster will attack in three, two, one...

Huh. Maybe it isn't a dream.

-(screams) -(roaring)

(gasps)

Uh... you gonna go fight that thing?

What's the difference? It's a dream! It doesn't matter. Nothing matters!

-What's the point of anything? -Just go fight already!

(whimpers)

(weakly) Smokebomb...

Let me think this out. You want the ball,

but I can't destroy it. There must be another way...

(grunting)

There's not another way.

-(groans) -Uh...

This dream is really starting to cheese me off!

Ninja-Tentacle-Slash!

He won't stop until he gets the ball!

But destroying the ball will destroy us!

Then jam it in a hole!

What hole? We're in the middle of the school! There are no holes!

Sweet cheese, you're standing on one!

The Sorcerer's Hole! I can't.

But every time I don't jam the ball, I kill the world.

Gettin' real tired of killing the world.

Then jam it!

Mmm-hm. Why not? It's just a dream, right?

That's the spirit!

How do I open this thing?

For the love of... Use the Sorcerer's Key!

Oh. Right. Forgot about the Sorcerer's Key...

But if this isn't a dream...

It's a dream! Just jam the ball already!

I told you at the Game Hole! I told you at Mt. Chuck!

How many times do I have to tell you?

Right! Jammin' the ball. One thing:

I never mentioned the Game Hole or Mt. Chuck in this dream.

-Turn the key! -I mean, I told you about

those dreams in other dreams, but not this dream.

-Turn! The key! -Yeah, now I'm thinkin' "no."

Open that hole and... jam the ball!

Yeeps!

Ninja-Best-Friend-Block!

Gotta get out of this dream loop!

What am I doing? It'll just blast me into another dream!

I need to stop dreaming! I have to wake up!

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

(grunting)

McBubbleBurp: Wake Up and Taste It.

-Wha-pow! -Taste It... and Wake Up?

Holy cheese. That might just be wonk enough to work!

Now we're in fizznezz!

Uh...

(burps)

(laughs) Nice burp, Cunningham.

Hm, when did we have hummus?

Howard? I... I'm awake?

Of course! When you burp in your sleep you wake up!

Uh, yeah. Everybody knows that.

I'm back! I'm back! It's all good! Randy's back, baby!

Well, it's not all good.

-What the juice am I doing? -The best I can tell,

is you're about to open Sorcerer's Hole and throw the ball.

And you were gonna let me?

In my defense, you seemed pretty determined.

Put the cereal down and help me!

Huh?

Huh?

Did you see that? I mean, you know, of course, you saw it.

I saw it. You saw it. We saw it together.

The ball was controlling my dreams the whole time,

but my subconscious knew a burp would set me free!

Oh right, your subconscious is a hero. What about me?

-What about you? -Oh, man!

How fast did I house that bowl of cereal? That thing didn't stand a chance.

That was some professional work. Am I right?

(Randy) Good to be back, buddy. Good to be back... buddy.

(upbeat music playing)

(theme music playing)