Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham!

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

And here you can see happy McFist employees manufacturing

some of your favorite human fuels like McMeat Stache.

-The moustache-flavored "meat snack." -(students) Ooooh!

Amazing! It tastes exactly like moustache.

You don't know what moustache tastes like.

Really? Have you kissed my nana on the mouth? Because I have.

-(groans) -Ever stare up at the stars

and wonder where sand comes from?

-Find out at our next stop. -Ooh! I'm a huge sand collector.

Well, not huge sand. That'd just be rocks.

(all groan)

Ugh! I'm in my archenemy's lair.

It's my chance to stop his next evil scheme before it even starts.

-And I'm stuck on this stupid tour. -I'm enjoying this stupid tour.

We're about to find out how sand is made.

Face it. For once, there is no scheme.

This is my favorite scheme ever!

(groans) Hannibal, I've worked day and night

and broken every law of physics

to build you a Time MacChine.

You gonna tell me what you need it for?

I am going back in time

to buy every box of my favorite discontinued breakfast cereal.

Oh, heavens.

I hated "Oh Heavens." I'm talking "Atomic Cavity Sugar Blasters."

(announcer) Atomic Cavity Sugar Blasters.

They're nuke-licious!

You think they'll be around forever, then the next day, gone.

(sighs) It really makes you think.

This is a single use Time McChine.

Are you sure you don't wanna use it for something,

I don't know, destroy-the-Ninja related?

Hmm. Nope. I'm going with cereal.

-Breakfast will never be the same. -(beeps)

That's how sand is made? Did you have any idea?

-None. -(feedback whines)

(McFist) This scheme is going to totally the game.

It's going to be a real change gamer.

(Viceroy) I think you mean game changer.

Game changer! I love it. Hey, what is that, some sort of button?

Did you hear that? McFist has a game changer.

Do you know what that means? He's found a way to destroy...

Found a way to change games without getting up from your bean bag.

Or your thing.

I need to get off this tram and find that game changer.

I'm going with you, you know, in case it's my thing.

Principal Slimovitz, Randy and Howard are talking

about sneaking off the tour.

What the cheese, Doug?

Thank you, Douglas, for bringing this to my attention.

Now unfortunately for Douglas,

the only thing I hate more than tour deserters

is a tattletale.

Everyone look at Doug. Nowhere else, just at Doug.

Don't worry about what Randy and Howard are doing.

Look at Doug.

Doug's the one in trouble. Only Doug.

(wailing)

Bonked my knee. Yeah, that hurts.

-(wailing) -Howard, shh!

-But whining makes it feel better. -Stop it.

Just at Doug. Nowhere else. Everyone look at Doug. Look at Doug.

(McFist) You know what my favorite flavor was, Viceroy?

Blue.

There you go, sir. I was able to scare up just enough heart

to get in to send you there and back.

Let's do this. Outstanding!

Mr. McFist, there's a sorcerer on the phone for you.

Isn't that always the way? Every time you're about to cop a squat

on the old time machine an evil sorcerer calls?

(groans)

Hey, sorry about that. Hope I didn't keep you waiting.

You did!

Usually people kind of let that one go.

We made a deal, McFist.

My freedom in exchange for the super power of your choosing.

I love that deal.

(Sorcerer) But you continue to fail me!

Perhaps it is time to find another worthy of my reward.

Whoa, whoa! Let's not say things we can't take back.

I've got a plan.

Yep, yes, indeed. This one's a real beaut.

I'm gonna get you out of that hole today. Guaranteed.

Guaranteed?

This is your last chance, McFist.

You just promised the Sorcerer you'd get him out today.

-How are you gonna do that? -You'll think of something.

-Now get thinking of something. -Humph!

Viceroy's lab. The game changer's gotta be in here.

Man, I hope so.

Do you know how much time I would save

if I didn't have to get up to change my own games?

Seconds, Cunningham, seconds.

(McFist) I don't know why I answered that.

(both grunt)

Quick. In the porta potty.

It's the same every time. "Why haven't you destroyed the Ninja?

I've been trapped in a hole for 800 years. Boo-hoo!"

What are you doing?

Trying to program this stupid techno toilet.

Let's see. I'll lead off with a one.

(gasps)

-(stomach rumbles) -Better make it a two.

You're not doing that while I'm in here.

Sorry. Can't wait. (farts)

Oh!

False alarm. Just a one after all.

-You're the worst kind of friend. -(farts)

No, it's a three.

-What's a three? -It's one plus two.

Man, you are terrible at math.

Oh, boy!

Viceroy, what do you think?

Don't I look groovy? Gotta blend in.

I don't wanna blow my cover as a time traveler.

Where'd the Time MacChine go?

Not "where?" When?

Fine. When did the Time MacChine go?

Just now. Didn't you see it?

(groans)

I can't believe you just did that.

Why are you getting all weird? It's natural.

-What happened to Viceroy's lab? -(both gasp)

What happened to Norrisville?

What the juice?

Cunningham, what is this place?

Welcome to Ye Olde Amusement Pit.

Skibow, forsooth, skibow.

(gasps) Howard, we're in Norrisville. We went back in time.

You mean that porta potty was also a time machine?

No, I think it was only a time machine.

That explains why it wouldn't flush.

-(loud rumbling) -(gasps)

-(man) It's a stampede! -(screaming)

Grab your kinfolk. Run!

Come on, now get!

Howard, you better hide. OK, no, you're good? You're already hiding?

Looks like I got here just in Ninja time.

I don't know what the cheese is going on, but it ends now.

Ninja flip!

Stank. But that would mean...

-(cackling) -(Randy) The Sorcerer!

Aww, I just got that wagon respoked.

OK, all right, OK. Yeah, no, no, no.

Looks like I'm fighting the Sorcerer today. That's not a big deal.

Holy cheese, I'm fighting the Sorcerer today!

Ninja battle rap flip! Ninja battle rap flip!

Ninja battle rap flip!

Ninja, this will not be your day.

(screaming)

(screams)

(grunts, gasps)

(grunting)

My clan has chased you across many lands.

Finally, the terror you began begins to end now.

No, wait. Wait. What does that mean exactly?

Fingers. Standing on my fingers. (screaming)

You're not the Sorcerer.

No cheese, man. I'm the Ninja.

Impossible! There is but one Ninja,

and I am he.

Wait a minute. Back in time, sorcerers, bottomless pit,

crazy Nomicon jabber. W.T. juice? You're the first Ninja!

You dropped me.

I was going to trap the Sorcerer in this hole forever.

The plan you have undone can now never be done.

You've doomed us all! Jerk!

Doomed us all? I think you're exaggerating a little.

I mean, it's not like I just wonked up the future, right?

(grunts) Oh, boy.

(Sorcerer) McFist has failed me

for the last time.

I must find a way out of this miserable hole!

(chattering)

What the juice? I'm free.

(cackling) I'm free!

(screaming)

(Randy) Come on, First Ninja. It's not that bad.

We'll fix this together.

My brothers made the ultimate sacrifice in the battle

to defeat the Sorcerer.

And in one moment, you have wrought our destruction.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was fighting the Sorcerer until you kicked me.

If anyone hath wrought anyone's destruction,

you hath wrought it. Huh?

Ninja, thank cheese I found you. That barrel filled with pickles.

Well, not anymore. I'm filled with pickles. (burps)

-Who's the fanboy? -That's the First Ninja.

-I call him First Ninja. Ow! -Hey!

Stop talking! I must visualize our dilemma

if I am to actualize the solution.

-This guy talks like the Nomicon . -I know, right?

-Ninja! -What is it, my trusty squire Plop Plop?

(both laughing)

Why are they laughing?

Your name. Plop Plop. It's fantastic.

-What do they call you? -Howard.

Howard? That's a girl's name.

-(laughing) -(Plop Plop) That's a girl's name.

Enough! My trap has failed.

Plop Plop, did you retrieve the Tengu Stone?

About the stone, the Sorcerer got it.

-Whoa. -(screaming)

You have failed, Ninja.

The stone is finally mine.

I will harness its power and enslave you all.

(laughing)

-So that seems bad. -Ohhh!

(panting)

OK, one, you gotta teach me how to do that.

And two, we could fix this.

He's right. This is what he does.

He messes things up and then he fixes them.

-What do you do? -I point out the fact that he messed up

and tell him he has to fix it.

-What? -Stop it!

Sh! Settle. I get myself into these little dillies A.T.T.

♪ All the time ♪

We'll just ask the NinjaNomicon .

-What is that? -Oh! You are in for a treat.

You're gonna love theNomicon . You talk just like it.

Come, my friend, shoob with me.

-So. -Yeah.

The NinjaNomiconis the combined wisdom of every ninja ever.

It knows, like, everything.

So, Nomicool , we got a sorcerer on the loose.

He's armed with a super powerful secret stone. What do you got?

Here we go. Here we go.

"You cannot right the future until you write the past."

-Uh-huh. -You don't know what that means, do you?

I do not.

(cackling)

-Oh, boy. -(both gasp)

(Randy) Whoa!

My first name is Plop. My last name was already Plop.

No, no, no! The Nomicon is disappearing.

I think by wonking up the past, we shoobed the future.

Most fun I've had in 800 years.

(laughing) Hmm.

-(door opens) -How can I be of service,

O Spooky One?

I need a lift. (cackling)

(laughs)

Oh.

(screaming)

(cackling)

And the next stop on our tour of...

Onward!

Principal Slimovitz, some guy just destroyed our tour guide.

Really, Doug?

Tattling on an evil wizard, did we not just discuss this?

-(muttering) -Work faster!

I guaranteed the Sorcerer he'd be free today.

It's not my fault you made a promise you can't keep.

-You can't keep. -(intercom buzzes)

Mr. McFist, there's a Mr. Sorcerer here to see you.

Sorcerer?

Hey, you're... Hey!

I didn't believe your ridiculous guarantee.

But you did it,

and I'm free.

Yep, I did it. All me.

-You did it? -Didn't I? Didn't I, Viceroy?

Bring him to me!

-Bring who to you? -The Ninja!

I want him to look me in the eye

and know all is lost.

-Oh, you did it all right. -Oooh!

(chattering)

I have lost. I am defeated.

OK, I admit this looks bad,

but we can't give up.

-I'm down for giving up. -Me too. Let's all give up.

-Come on, you stopped this guy once. -No, I didn't.

Where I come from, you did.

Where you come from no longer exists.

I have battled the Sorcerer my entire life.

Now with the Tengu Stone, he is unstoppable.

When you have given all you have, you have nothing left to give.

I quit.

We're Ninjas. We never quit.

I can't believe he just quit.

He's first Ninja. He's a legend.

Fine, if he won't help...

Don't. I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna be all, "Howard, looks like it's up to us."

I'm not gonna say that.

-You're not? -No.

-'Cause you just did. -I didn't mean to.

(screaming)

We'll need food if we're going to start an underground resistance.

Grab all the chicken you can and sides. Don't forget the sides.

He just wants to see the Ninja. So we'll show him the Ninja.

And action!

What the juice? It's Ninja time. Smoke bomb.

-Perfect! -This is never gonna work.

(cackling)

Yoo-hoo, Sorcerer.

Ninja air fist.

(whistling)

Ninja kick!

Ninja slice. Ninja slice. Ninja slice.

So, Ninja,

you must be desperate to start a fight you cannot win.

I don't need to win. I was just distracting you long enough

to snatch the stone. Now it's gone.

-You'll never see it again. -(whistles)

-Got the stone. -Oh, boy.

Prepare to be destroyed.

So do you get destroyed first?

Or me? How we gonna do this?

Hey, Howard, buddy, remember that time

when we accidentally released the Tengu,

and it flew up your butt and turned you into a bird demon?

Oh, yeah. I never ever wanna do that again.

You never will. You never will after right now.

Ninja sacred stone stab!

(screaming)

You cannot defeat me, Ninja.

I can't, but we can.

The Tengu and the Ninja suit are forever linked.

Ninja remote control Tengu punch!

Four can play at this game.

Relax, Howard. This is just you and me

-playing Grave Puncher back home. -(roars)

Ow! I was not ready.

Now I'm ready. Ninja punch.

That was my guts. He got me in my guts.

What?

"To write the future,

you must write the past."

-Are you talking to me, or...? -Shut up, Plop Plop.

Battle rap!

-(cackling) -(Randy screaming)

Howard.

(laughs) Oh!

Hey, First Ninja! You're back. Yes!

Ninja never say quit.

No! (screaming)

(grunts, gasps)

Ninja!

Oh! I can't hold this forever, guys.

Only when the stone is made whole will the hole be made stone.

Sweet cheese! What the juice are you talking about?

We've got to return the bird demon to the stone.

-Way ahead of you, First Ninj. -What?

-What are you doing? -Relax. This worked last time.

Pretty sure it's gonna work now.

(wincing)

Ow! That hurt the bottom of my feet!

(cackling)

McFist guarantees he's gonna get me out

-of here today. -(squeaks)

Yeah, I don't believe him, either. (sighs)

-(Howard panting) -(Randy) You did good, buddy.

-You did real good. -Seriously!

I never wanna do that again. Promise me, Cunningham.

I can't do that.

The Sorcerer broke my spirit,

but you showed me what it means to be a true hero.

-It was very... -Bruce?

Bruce. I like that.

Look, I'm gonna need you to write down everything you know.

Believe it or not, things don't always go as smoothly

-as they did today. -You got it, Ninja.

(clicking tongues)

You fought bravely today. I will name all of my daughters in your honor.

(snickering) Howard.

And every time I go to the bathroom,

I will remember you, Plop Plop.

Speaking of, let's get back to the portal potty.

I gotta take a 21st century, if you know what I mean.

Oh.

Ooh, there it is, right where we left it.

-Always the last place you look. -(insect buzzing)

Whoa! I'm not going in there.

-So that was... -Yeah.

Think everything's back to normal?

Only one way to find out.

Principal Slimovitz, Randy's sleeping.

Really, Doug, really?

(gasps)

Now it is your turn to write history.

So Bruce!

(theme music plays)

Chirp.

(First Ninja) Shut up, Plop Plop.

Well...

What we got here?

(Sorcerer cackling)