Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(groaning) I am so sick of McFist.

He's come after me every day for two weeks.

(Randy) Where do you think you're going?

(yelling)

(grunting)

-(Randy chuckles) -(McFist) Go on...

-Huh? -Take it!

-Take it! -(groaning)

(belches) OK, that last one was just insulting.

I don't care what we do today,

as long as it has zero percent to do with Hannibal McFist.

People of Norrisville, put your fist together for the man of the hour,

-Hannibal McFist! -(people cheering)

What? A festival? In honor of me?

And the 50th anniversary of McSquiddles?

-But mostly me? -(groans)

Viceroy, you rascal, you shouldn't have!

-But you told me to. -I'm sure I didn't!

(people cheering)

-Howard, did you know about this? -I'm sure I didn't.

(laughing) Yay!

A half century ago, my father launched an empire with this:

the first McSquiddle!

-(people oohing) -It's meat-flavored.

Oh, McSquiddle Zero!

Original! Original flavor!

I've tasted every one but you.

Today that will change.

Look at him. What a jerk-wad.

-(crowd cheering) -There you go, McSquiddy.

Enjoy your day. Well, our day.

Actually, it's my day.

(cheering)

If these people knew what I knew about McFist,

they'd cheer a different tune.

One that goes "Boo!"

Cunningham, nobody cheers like that. Besides, they love the guy.

-There's nothing you can do about it. -Oh, yes there is.

I could expose that lying liar for the Ninja-hating Ninja-hater he is!

Just one second, I'm so sorry.

Whoa!

-(giggles) -(angry buzzing)

(screams)

Oh, that's gotta sting.

"Provoke your enemy and he will fight back." That's right, Nomicon!

McFist has poked this hornets' nest one too many time.

I'm the nest! Provoked!

(screams) Garbage Cat!

Yes!

(giggles)

-Say "McSquiddle." -McSquiddle!

(all gasping)

(sighs)

(sighs) I can't wait to smell it.

Maybe lick it a little. I gotta get a taste...

That's right! Get a pic with the most beloved man in town!

(chuckles) The Ninja... The Ninja! Ah...

I meant, me! Me is what we're commemorating.

(growls)

(screams) If he messes up my day...

-If he messes up my day... -(Ninja) Smoke bomb!

(audience cheering)

-Ah! Get him! -(audience goes silent)

Hannibal, everyone's watching...

Uh... I mean, hey! How's the ninja biz treating you?

Don't play McFriendly with me, McFist.

I'm here to show these good people

that you're an evil villain out to wonk the Ninja!

-(people murmuring) -Don't take that from him.

You're a benevolent business man.

You would say that, Viceroy.

You created all of his W.N.D.'s!

(silence)

Weapons of Ninja Destruction.

-Ooh... -Solid acronym.

Everything McFist makes is secretly designed to destroy the Ninja!

(gasping)

Like this McFro-Yo stand.

Switch it this way, vanilla, but this way...

It's chocolate?

OK, but what about when I do this!

-(groans) -It's swirl.

-Who doesn't love a swirl? -(cheering)

Oh...

OK, all right, but what about this hat stand?

There's no way these are just hats.

Come on, I'm right here. You wanna destroy me?

You just gonna hold hats like some kinda kiosk?

-(grunting) -(people murmuring)

That's what I call a crime of fashion.

That's what I call a crime of fashion!

-(people laughing) -Huh? The statue, of course!

-Ninja Tengu Fireball! -(gasping)

-Ah! My statue! -Oh, boy.

That wasn't a weapon. (grunts)

(gasps)

(screams)

Squiddy!

(both) No!

-(crying) -You've gone too far this time, Ninja.

These people will never believe that their lovable gazillionaire

is actually your arch enemy!

(crowd murmuring)

-Uh, Hannibal... -Hold on, Viceroy.

Ninja, I'm going to destroy you.

-(all gasping) -I'm going to blast you to pieces.

-(gasps) -Not cool.

Hannibal, your microphone's on.

And then I'm going to blast those pieces to pieces!

Everybody can hear you!

(gasps) Uh... eh... ooh...

-McFist is a bad guy! -He wants to destroy the Ninja!

No, it's not how it sounded. It's a joke.

Uh, we were just wonking around.

-Boo! -(all booing)

Stop it. Stop it!

Uh...

(gasps) Ah!

What? The one time I don't want McSquiddles to rain from the sky.

Not meat... not meat...

-Not even candy. -(people booing)

I did it! (humming)

Everybody hates McFist.

-Not me. I hate you. -Huh?

-(people booing) -Look at them. I was beloved.

And now I'm... loved? Unloved? What's the opposite of beloved?

-You. -Oh, that hurt.

Why don't I put on your favorite program. That'll cheer you up.

Ooh.

Newsflash, Weiner-peeps! My twog's blowin' up!

Everyone's boycotting McFist Industries.

It's the thing to do!

I'm sure it's not that bad.

It's way bad! McFist Industries has a one-way ticket to Splart City!

-Oh! -Hannibal? Sir?

I've never been splarted in my life!

(sobs)

-Oh my... -(wailing)

Sadness. Is he...

Yes, he is.

This is... unexpected.

Awkward is what it is.

The whole town turned on me.

And I lost Squiddy! On the Squidtennial! I'm ruined! (sobs)

You are, aren't you?

Your loss is my gain.

(grunting, exclaiming)

(screeching)

(screams)

McFist is a bad guy?

Skee-wow, man. Skee. Wow.

McFist pokes the hornet's nest?

McFist gets stung! Ninja win!

I tricked you into coming to this festival so that I could have a good time,

and now you're having my good time!

I hope this comes back on you.

(gasps) You take that back!

I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean it.

You know, that was just a low meat-sugar talking.

Ah! That Garbage Cat has the Meat-Squiddle!

-Get back here! -This will not come back on me.

-(loud growling) -Coming back on me!

-What the juice! -(growling)

Ninja Chaku!

Hi-yah!

Stanked McFist? But this is his fault!

He poked the hornet's nest!

(gulps)

(grunting)

(screams)

Uh-oh. (screams)

(laughs) I can feel it.

The chaos! What's happening out there?

-Whoa! -Ooh!

-(growls) -This just might work.

Ninja Sai Stopper!

Ninja Pyramid Sprint!

(growls)

Ninja Slipping Balls!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Give me the McSquiddle, Garbage Cat.

-(hisses) -That's it.

(cat screeching)

Yes! Yes! I got it!

It's raining cats! Skee-meow, man! Skee-meow!

(grunts)

How do I de-stank Hannibal McFist?

Couldn't be less interested.

An entire empire was built on this 50 year old meat-flavored ball of wax!

And I'm gonna eat it!

(howls)

That's it! It's the McSquiddle!

Howard! No!

(belches) Why did I eat that?

-(howls) -Yes, why did you eat that?

It's only the thing he holds most...

Sorry, Howard. I gotta poke the hornet's nest.

Ninja Pukin' Poke!

Hannibal, as long as people love McSquiddles,

they'll love McFist Industries.

Boy, keep your hands away from that conveyor belt!

-You can lose an arm! -(whistles)

(growling)

(groans) What happened?

I poked the hornet's nest.

Instead of protecting Norrisville, I almost shoobed it.

I see your mouth moving, but everything's like "blah blah blah."

I have to unpoke the hornet's nest.

Whoa! There's a brain in my arm!

OK, hey! It's just the stank-nesia, folks!

Turns out McFist was only trying to destroy me because he was a monster.

I was wrong. Honest mistake.

You know, it happens.

I turned into a monster once.

-Me, too! -(all agreeing)

Don't know what your angle is, Ninja,

but I'm still gonna take you down.

I just have one thing to say...

What? You're giving free McFistPads to everyone?

But won't that cost you a fortune?

Is this guy great or what, right?

Boycott's over. Hip-hip, McSquiddles!

(all cheering)

Smoke bomb!

(coughing) Oh!

We're talking about the new McFistPads, right?

(growls)

(Sorcerer) What happened?

What's going on down there?

-I don't wanna tell you. -Tell me!

The Ninja won.

(Sorcerer screams)

(Viceroy) That's why I didn't want to tell you.

(screaming)

You're right, Nomicon.

I shoobed this one hard and it might've gone better if I'd listened to you.

(screaming)

OK, fine. It definitely would've gone better if I listened to you.

From now on, I'll do whatever you say.

That's right! I'm going Full-Nomicon!

NinjaNomicon says "No go on the chicken parm."

Really? That's what it said?

Well, actually it said, "A Ninja without balance will fall."

Since I had the parm yesterday, I gotta balance it out with Stroganoff today.

Full-Nomicon!

Ugh. Better you than me.

-How's Full-Nomicon tasting? -(gulping)

Pretty bad. Ugh.

But it's worth it if it makes me a better ninja.

Your Nomicon-ing is out of control!

You can't make a single decision without shloomping into that book!

When? Name one time.

Shower or no shower?

I didn't sweat much yesterday.

Better shloomp on it.

Um...

A or C? A or C...

Better shloomp on it.

(grunts)

You goin' parm or Stroganoff?

Better shloomp on it.

You can't count that one, it just happened.

Besides, when you go Full-Nomicon, you go Full-Nomicon.

That's why it's called Full-Nomicon.

Look, I can't talk about this anymore.

I need to focus on something important.

Barely Berry or ReChunkulous.

(Randy) Better shloomp on it!

Let's talk dessert, Nomicon. What should I get?

"A Ninja without balance will fall."

Right. Which is what you said last time.

So... Barely Berry? Is that what we're thinking?

OK, ReChunkulous!

Listen, I'm trying to go Full-Nomicon here,

but I do not know what you're saying!

Oh, OK. Ask myself. Gotcha. OK, me...

I'm leaning ReChunkulous, but honestly... (grunts)

Pardon me, me, but what the juice?

Ah!

OK, Nomicon, you're in charge!

Now what do I do?

Hello?

What am I doing to me?

No! No!

All right, drop it on me. How's the Nomicon gonna wonk up fro-yo?

Yo, who cares what the book says.

(gasps) Wait. You're going... No-Nomicon?

I'm going Barely-Chunk!

-(gulping) -(girls groan)

(giggles) Cunningham's back!

I love it! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, save me some!

OK, Nomicon, time to untie me.

I learned my lesson. It's, um...

OK, I didn't learn my lesson,

but we can still lose the ropes here.

All right, balance...

Balance, balance...

(grunts)

(Randy) Hey, lookin' good, girl.

What's up, P-Slims?

-How you doin'? -It's me!

But it can't be me! I'm in here!

If I'm in here then that's gotta be... Nomi-Randy.

You ran into me. Now I gotta be mean to you!

Uh-oh. This is going to hurt.

Yo, you sure about that?

(dance music plays)

(students gasping)

Uh... You confused me with your dancing!

I'm gonna leave you alone until I can figure out what your deal is!

No-Nomicon is the cheese!

Wow, Randy. You have the Bruce-est moves.

(chuckles)

Yo, what's up, Weiner-babe.

Girl, how 'bout you and I get together

and turn your Me-Cast into a We-Cast!

(crying)

(sniffs) Ah...

Nothing tastes as sweet as the scent of a broken heart.

(sniffs)

My sister, Cunningham.

Remember when I said I like you going No-Nomicon?

I take it back. Do! Not! Like it!

(growling)

And don't think we're done just because you have to go Ninja.

Who's going to Ninja? I'm hitting the Game Hole. C'mon. My treat.

Can you do that? Don't answer that!

Let's just go. I'm lovin' the No-Nomicon.

Again!

Why aren't I stopping her? Oh, right. That's not me.

I'm me! And I'm tied to a chair!

(grunts)

I don't get it. I went Full-Nomicon.

Why aren't you telling me what to do? Just tell me what to do!

(chuckles) Oh, nice!

You delivered a sack of punches to the whole graveyard!

(video game) Make your feet ready. Time to run from dogs!

And here's where you lose.

You stink at run from dogs!

(video game) These dogs are fed.

Your sack is filled two times!

You did it! Slap it out.

Cunningham whiffed the slap?

He never whiffs a slap!

Hitting on my sister. Ignoring a monster. And now this?

What the juice is up with him?

Hm? You...

Hm.

Tell me what you did to my friend or I'm going to take you for a walk

down the back of my pants!

I hate you!

Yah!

Howard! You freed me! What are you doing in the Nomicon?

I'm in the NinjaNomicon?

So, my old enemy, we finally meet.

Hm. Pretty roomy for a book.

Hey. If you're in here. Who's out there?

I call him Nomi-Randy, and he's bad news.

Man, I am so glad that wasn't you who hit on my sister.

I did not wanna have that talk.

-(screaming) -(growling)

-You have to fix this. -I know.

So, how are you going to fix this?

I don't know. Nomicon won't tell me what to do.

It just keeps saying... that.

(gasps) Yeah, I don't get that at all.

I know. Why do you think I wonk up so much?

I've been trying not to fall.

Why do you think I went Full-Nomicon?

Wait a minute... That was too much Nomicon!

But Nomi-Randy is no Nomicon.

I need to go Half-Nomicon! Boom! Bam! Boom! Balance!

This is what you guys do in here?

Cunningham, what are you doing?

Getting my balance back!

I'll be here!

I did it. I'm out. I'm... in Howard's body?

(gasps) Man, these things really are dainty.

How'm I supposed to stop my Nomi-self with these?

You're not.

Hey... me. Hand over my... self.

No honkin' way. I like it here.

We'll see how much you like it when I do this!

(grunts)

(farts) I was supposed to kick you.

Balance is a little off. Working with a whole new center of gravity here.

(laughs) Oof!

Yeah, Cunningham! I mean, Weinerman.

Cunning... man? Weinerham? Whatever. Just get him!

(screaming) I barely even know Andy!

Randy! He named Randy!

(laughing)

Ooh! Down goes Nomi-Randy. Feel like givin' up yet?

I'm Randy Cunningham. I never give up.

I'm Randy Cunningham.

Oh, boy.

-(grunts) -(Nomi-Randy laughs)

(screams)

Must find a way out of Howard and into me.

That is a weird thing to say. Yah!

Oh, great. I'm gonna feel that tomorrow.

Ha!

You know at first I wasn't sold on the scarf,

but that thing looks so Bruce right now.

Gotta get Nomi-Me out of me, me out of Howard,

Howard into Howard, and me into me, but how?

Nomicon Bag-alanche Throw!

Don't make me say things like that!

(both screaming)

(both groaning)

-Cunningham? -Howard?

-You're back! -Yeah, I'm back. You back?

-I'm back! We're both back! -(whooping)

(both) Yeah!

I hate to kill the moment, but...

Theresa Fowler. I'm on it.

(grunts)

Why is there so much garbage back here?

Please, Teezie-Feezie! You can't do this! We're total biffers!

-Smoke bomb! -Oh, Ninja, you got to waste this chick!

-(growls) -And I will...

with my Ninja Bouquet.

Theresa, these are, um... so, there's this guy,

Randy Cunningham, I think that's his name,

and he... and there was...

and he's sorry. Here!

Randy?

Randy... (sighs)

I guess Sandy isn't such a bad guy after all.

It's Randy. Randy! I just met the guy.

I know it's Randy. Am I wrong about this?

Sheesh. Smoke bomb.

(grunts)

Some days it hardly seems worth it.

Howard, being inside of you...

Don't say that. Never say that again.

...really taught me something.

Being the perfect ninja means listening to the Nomicon.

But it also means listening to me.

So, you're going half-Nomicon, half-Cunningham.

What would you call that? Nomi-Ham? Cunning-Con?

Let's just call it a swirl.

Ooh! Like Barely-Chunk!

(both) Barely-Chunk!

(sighs)

(theme music plays)