Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(grunting)

Hi, I'm Pitch Kickham,

and your eyes are not playing tricks on you.

My shorts are incredibly snug.

You're welcome.

My game's so tight, I can't lose.

Celebrate the launch of the all-new McHuggers today

at the Pitch Kickham Shoot Out Kicktacular.

If you can block my shot, you and a friend will win

a dream trip with me, Pitch Kickham, in a limo to the airport.

McHuggers!

When you asked me to hold your spot in line for the Kicktacular,

you didn't say anything about standing.

Have you tried leaning?

Hmm...

You just bought yourself five minutes.

(grunts) Ninja snatch!

-(screaming) -(glass shatters)

Now hurry up or I'm gonna have to do this thing.

And doing things ain't my thing.

-It's your thing. -(beeps)

The Ninja is escaping. Get up and capture him!

Hmm? Ninja sprint!

Yah!

No honkin' way!

McHuggers! They don't come out till tomorrow. (gasps)

These make your game so tight, you can't lose.

Yoink!

Those are tiny. How am I supposed to put those on?

-(snarling) -(crash)

The Ninja stole my McHuggers!

Looks like we're one short short. (laughs)

-(moans) -Don't!

Nobody laugh. Don't encourage him.

(snoring)

Let's make this quick, NinjaNomicon. I only got two more stops. (gasps)

Whoa!

(snoring)

"A Ninja's hand is to give, not to take."

Give? I'm not giving McFist anything.

That guy's an evil shoob. Hmm?

(snorts, growls)

-(snoring) -(gasps)

Excuse me, this is my stop, so...

(Slimovitz) Let's give a big Norrisville welcome to...

Pitch Kickham!

(cheering)

Mr. Kickham, riding in a limo with you has been a lifelong goal.

Soccer zing!

-(winces) -Goal!

(moans)

-(sighs) -(giggles)

Sorry. Force of habit. Who's next?

-(crickets chirping) -(girl gulps)

Ugh! There you are. Why are you all the way at the end of the line?

I can lean, or I can move up.

Turns out I'm a leaner. What's with the street clothes?

You can't block Kickham in streets.

If you ruin our limo ride to the airport, so help me...

Relax, baby. Look what I got.

No. No. I don't wanna look.

(gasps) Are those...

McHuggers. My game's so tight I can't lose.

So Bruce! How'd you get 'em?

It's a soccer ball. I don't get it.

It's a thematically camouflaged "ID bot"

programmed to find the only person wearing the McHuggers.

Still not getting it.

Find the McHuggers, find the Ninja.

I love it. ID bot, activate. Hmm?

You have to use this.

ID bot, activate.

-You gotta swipe it. -I know that.

(beeping)

So you stole them from McFist.

Took them from McFist. It's totally different.

And you're missing the point. With these sick shorts, I'll own this 'tish.

It'll be you, me, Kicks and the open road.

Is "'tish" short for competition?

-Yeah. Too much? -No, I like it.

Searching McHuggers.

Searching McHuggers.

- Not McHuggers. -(Kickham) Goal!

You can do this. You can block that shot.

(medical device beeps)

-Pain only lasts a second. -(kicks ball)

-(Kickham) Goal! -(patient moans)

Limo rides to the airport last ten minutes.

-(Kickham) Goal! -(groans)

Searching McHuggers. Not McHuggers.

-(screaming) - Searching McHuggers. Not McHuggers.

Howard, do soccer balls usually talk?

Don't know. Not really a sports guy.

And why is it trying to find McHuggers?

They don't go on sale till tomorrow.

I mean, no one's got them but me.

It's not looking for the shorts. It's looking for the Ninja.

- Searching McHuggers. Searching McHuggers. -(both shout)

Take 'em off. Take 'em off now!

McHuggers too tight,

hands stuck. (grunts)

(gasps)

(muttering) Tight shorts...

-S'up? -Hey.

-You guys are idiots. -I gotta get outta here.

(Slimovitz) Good news. The medical staff informs me

there's enough bandages and ice packs for one final contestant.

Nobody?

(coughs)

All right, I guess Pitch Kickham rides alone.

I may not be a sports guy.

But sweet cheese, I am a limo guy.

Not McHuggers.

(panting) Ugh!

Doorknob need hands.

(beeps)

(grunting)

No!

-No, no, no. -Searching McHuggers.

Searching McHuggers.

McHuggers found.

Pitch Kickham's the Ninja?

No, but he is wearing McHuggers,

which is something I had not considered.

You didn't "consider" that the spokesperson for McHuggers would

be wearing McHuggers when you created an unstoppable McHugger-seeking robot?

(screaming)

Not your best plan, Viceroy.

Don't you mean your plan?

Ho-ho! Not this time, buddy.

Not this time.

(grunting)

This football's shooting lasers at me.

(Slimovitz) Everyone relax.

When Mr. Kickham says "football,"

he actually means "soccer" ball.

Also, run!

Looks like I'm going hands-free.

-Smoke bomb! -(shouts)

Need a hand?

Actually, you can't use your hands.

I know a lot of Americans don't follow the game, but...

It's a figure of speech, dude.

Whoa!

Ninja kick!

Why is that ball so angry at me?

I don't know. Beats me. Some questions have no answers. That's what I've found.

What do you know? The Ninja did show up.

-My plan worked. -So it's your plan again.

It was always my plan.

-Ninja header! -Ow!

Pitch Kickham scissor kick!

Ball! You can do this, Howard.

This is your limo moment.

Block that shot. Block that shot.

(crowd chanting) Block that shot! Block that shot!

Block that shot! Block that shot!

-(shouts) -Block that shot!

-Block that shot! -Hmm?

-Huh? -(cheering)

I did it. I beat Kickham!

(shouts)

(crowd gasps)

What do I do?

Stop pointing it at stuff!

It's been an honor sharing the pitch with you, Ninja.

You too, Pitch Kickham.

Is this a Ninja thing?

Is that a Ninja thing?

Looks to me like he's got his hands stuck in his McHuggers.

Excellent. This is the perfect time for phase two.

Or plan B or whatever else I got cooked up here.

I suppose you could release your robo-hooligans. (slurps)

Release the robo-hooligans.

You have to swipe it.

Actually, this one is a button.

-Then push it. -(Ninja) Huh?

(Ninja) Uh-oh.

(laughs)

That's what happens when you steal McHuggers.

All right. Stealing is stealing, even if it's from my enemy.

Now how do I get my hands free?

Hey! So let's say hypothetically my hands were stuck in...

oh, I don't know, a pair of McHuggers.

Any thoughts on how I'd get them out?

-Hypothetically? -No, actually.

There's a release lever in the left-hand pocket.

Did you not read the instructions when you bought them?

I didn't exactly... You know what? Can we just fight?

(growling)

(Ninja grunting)

Yah, yah, yah!

(continues grunting)

Yah!

Ninja slice!

Wow. That was a lot of hooligans.

Uh, Ninja. Don't forget about them.

(crowd cheers)

Whoa! What do I do with this thing?

Throw it in.

Ninja ID bot slice!

Yah! I believe these belong to you.

-Ew! -(Viceroy) That's nasty, baby.

Just think, Howard, none of this would've happened if I hadn't endangered

international soccer superstar Pitch Kickham's life.

Uh, actually, none of this would've happened

if I hadn't caught that ball.

Actually actually, none of this would've happened

if I hadn't stolen those McHuggers.

OK, so we're both heroes.

-Me more than you. -What was that?

Yo, Kicks, how long till the airport?

Five minutes. Man, I love driving these things.

Another McBubble Slam, my good man?

Don't mind if I do.

♪ Norrisville Pet Park, so honking fun ♪

♪ Ain't got no rules except for this one ♪

♪ Gotta have a pet, gotta have a pet ♪

♪ Gotta have a pet, pet, pet, pet, pet ♪

♪ It's super exclusive You gotta have a pet ♪

♪ If you don't have a pet Then you can't come in ♪

"No entry without a pet?" So wonk!

If our parents would have let us go splitsies on a monkey,

we'd be ruling this pet park.

Guess we don't need these anymore.

Our entire plan was monkey contingent. Contingent.

Now what are we supposed to do?

(calliope music)

From the darkest jungles of Detention Island,

McFreaks so McFreaky, you'll McFreak.

Oh, man! There were McFreaks on Detention Island?

We should get in trouble again so we can go see 'em.

Or... and I'm just saying "or,"

we could go to the McFreak Show.

-Hmm? -(both) McFreak Show!

-(both laughing) -(man) Hey!

(both) Ooh!

It's the Brucest thing I've ever seen.

Only because you haven't looked over there.

(plays rock music)

I wonder if it takes requests.

-Cunningham... -No, I think it's a set play list.

-Maybe if I threw it a few bucks. -Cunningham, look!

(gasps)

(Randy) "Barnabutt Jones."

I found my spirit animal.

Ahh, taking the weekend off

from destroying the Ninja is just what I needed.

My McStress level is at an all-time low.

Plus, I came up with this profitable McFreak Show. Go me! (slurps)

So my plan to round up the freaks from Detention Island

and exploit them for money was your idea?

High-five, Viceroy. One on one.

Two on two. Come on, smack it, do it, let's celebrate me.

Where you going? I got a high-ten with no one to smack it.

I'm going to give the McFreaks their dose of Aw Juice.

Of course, Aw Juice. And that is...

(growls)

Yikes!

-(yelps) -Aw Juice.

It stops the Gy-Yikes before they become Gy-Yooos.

(laughs)

Really feeling good about today.

I've seen many a Bruce thing in my time,

-but Barnabutt Jones is... -El Bru-chismo.

If we took him to the pet park, we could rub everyone's faces

in any of his four butts.

You're right. I absolutely should use

my Ninja skills to spring him.

Yes, do that. Quick, before the Nomico... Oh!

Right on cue. Gonna have fun? Not on my watch.

I hate you. You hear me? Hate.

-Better see what it wants. -(growls)

(Randy) "What is wild should not be caged."

Wait. You're saying that I should... Because they're... and I... Oh!

Nomicon, you are the cheese!

Well, go ahead. Tell me how the Nomicon shoobed us sideways.

It didn't. It didn't shoob us any ways.

Wait, it said... that you said... because they're...

-And you're... -That's exactly what I said.

Whoa, Viceroy, what's the rush?

I was thinking you and me could cruise down to PJ McFlubBusters,

have some laughs, like we're a couple of regular shmoes.

When you don't focus on the Ninja,

you are a totally different person.

I don't even care what old pajama-face is up to.

I called him pajama-face. That's a first...

Oh!

-Mm-hm. -(alarm blaring)

-(gasps) -Intruder! Intruder!

Ninja shushing ball.

Or was that a Ninja boom ball?

I gotta start labeling these things.

Aww! You are the cutest thing. Let's get you outta here.

(sniffling)

(cries)

(Ninja) Hey, Howard.

Trains or cowboys? What do you think?

I think we're going to need a bigger bed.

(gasps)

What do you say? Splitsies on four McFreaks?

Splitsies on four McFreaks.

♪ Alone together ♪

♪ That's how we used to be ♪

♪ Then we stole these four McFreaks ♪

♪ Now we're a family ♪

- ♪ We have pets ♪ -(farting)

♪ Mom said no, but her heart said yes ♪

♪ We stole pets ♪

- ♪ We set them free ♪ -(farts)

- ♪ To live in our garage ♪ -(laughing)

(man) McFreaks was taped before live studio audience.

I thought yesterday was the best day ever.

But today is gonna be yesterday 2.0.

The second we walk through this gate, everything changes.

-Are you ready? -Let's do this.

♪ Oh, yeah, we got pets ♪

-♪ At the pet park ♪ -(farts)

♪ We're here with our pets At the pet park ♪

♪ Off the leash, that's so cool ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -(farts)

Barnabutt, you are Bruce-dorable.

(mutters)

-(snarling) -(screams)

(chitters)

Aww, you need a kissy, make boo-boo go bye-bye?

What a night. Now I know what PJ McFlubBusters means

by "Open Till Question Mark."

-Gy-Yikes! -Why'd you "Gy-Yikes"?

-All of the McFreaks have escaped. -Gy-Yikes!

Ugh! I'm starting to feel stress.

Then I probably shouldn't tell you

that their Aw Juice is about to wear off.

Why didn't you give it to them earlier?

I would have if somebody hadn't kept me out till question mark.

G-Yooo.

Oh, in about 30 seconds, G-Yooo can say that again.

(groans)

(screaming)

Why is that octo-bear touching my bald cat?

Is it me or are the McFreaks acting a little extra freaky?

(screeches)

Skee-boo, man. Skee-boo!

-What did you do? -Me? I've been sitting next to you.

Yeah, but I didn't do anything, so obviously you did.

This is what I get for bringing an indoor goat to an outdoor pet park.

-(snarls) -(screams)

(engine turns over)

-(tires screech) -That McFreak just stole my car!

(whistles)

Things just took a turn for the Ninja.

For the record, I just wanted to split a monkey.

I'll meet you there.

If I were a McFreak loose in the city, where would I rampage?

Where would I rampage... Ooh, I know.

I'd rampage at PJ McFlubBusters.

Sir, our McFreaks from our McFreak Show

are about to lay waste to Norrisville,

and this is the only thing that can stop them.

This is fun, you and me

chasing something that isn't the Ninja.

(sighs) Man, I cannot stop thinking about those tater skins.

There they are!

(shouting)

Smoke bomb! McFreaks!

Stop this senseless shoobing.

You have to chill.

(roars)

Ninja dodge. Ninja dodge.

Bad 9-Armed Snake.

-Uh-oh. -(growls)

Rondo, stop.

You don't want to do this. None of you do.

You're good McFreaks. Barnabutt, please, anything as beautiful as you can't be bad.

Talk to them. They listen to you.

(farts)

(farting)

Thank you, freaks. Now let's get you back in that garage where you belong.

(McFist) You are property of McFist Industries.

Come quietly or be shocked.

Great timing. I just got them to calm down.

Mind if I "butt" in? (laughs)

Because he's got all these butts and...

I'm just gonna stab you now.

Yep, that hurt. Ow!

Sonic fart. Schnasty!

Aw, man! I missed everything.

Stupid monkey bike.

(all moaning)

You have fun, McFreaks?

I hope so, because you're going back in your cages forever.

Rondo, when we get home, we're having a talk about personal hygiene.

Ninja? Ninja!

The one weekend I try not to catch the Ninja,

I catch the Ninja. Get him!

(gasps)

-(growls) -Ow! Oh.

Viceroy, Aw Juice the Freaks then destroy the Ninja.

What the cheese is Aw Juice?

It's the chemical compound that keeps

the before from becoming an after.

All right, back in your cages.

"What is wild should not be caged." (gasps)

Totally missed that.

I'm sorry, McFreaks. I was no better than McFist.

You don't belong in cages or in garages.

Garages? What's he talking about, garages?

-Hiya! -Ahh!

Ninja juice. Snatch!

How am I supposed have a McFreak Show without Aw Juice?

You're not. No one is.

-(growling) -(shouts)

-Anyone know how to fly a hovercraft? -(squawks)

(grunting) The better question would have been,

"Does anyone know how to land a hovercraft?"

Listen, I was wrong to keep you as pets.

You should be free. Welcome back to Detention Island, McFreaks.

(farts)

(laughs) Barnabutt, come on, man.

I'm trying to make a moment.

You know what? That was perfect. I love you to death. I can't top it.

Smoke bomb ya later.

-(fart) -(rap music playing)

(camera shutter clicking)

♪ We buck it, we ride it ♪

♪ We bump in hoopties ♪

♪ You draw this? Who, me? Uh! ♪

♪ Do it right, pizza party ♪

♪ Best friends forever ♪

♪ We have pets ♪

♪ Mom said no ♪

♪ But her heart said yes ♪

♪ We stole pets ♪

♪ We set them free ♪

♪ To live in our garage ♪