Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(Howard) Launch day, Cunningham!

Weeks of waiting.

Hours of standing.

The McSatchle 299.99 is finally within our grasp!

This satchel is going to change everything!

When people see we got a McSatchle, they'll worship our cheese!

(both) McSatchle 299.99!

The two of us splitting one McSatchle is the best idea we've ever had!

Yeah, about that...

Since I'm putting in most of the money,

I'll take the McSatchle Monday through Friday,

and you can have it weekends!

Weekends?

How can I rub it in everyone's face if no one sees me with it?

I'll see you with it!

And I'll be so jealous!

(crowd cheering)

(both giggling)

Ooh...

Hello. One McSatchle 299.99, please!

Hmm, that'll be $299.99.

Uh, you know we just wanted one of 'em, right?

Oh... That's the price.

See, I thought it was the version number.

In that case, I'd like to change our order to none McSatchles, please.

How are people gonna worship our cheese if we don't have a McSatchle?

I figured out how we can get the cash!

Took ya long enough!

Yow! That's genius!

We'll become movie stars!

We'll have tons of money!

No, Howard, I was talking about the sign.

Wait, you wanna get jobs? Feels kinda sitcom-y.

I'm not crazy about it either.

I'll be working for my sworn enemy.

But on the other hand...

(all) McSatchle!

-(beeping) -(whirring)

Uh, what's with the riffraff, Viceroy?

It's my latest plan to stop the Ninja!

My plan! But I'll allow it.

As you know, today is the launch

of the most coveted satchel in handbag history...

The McSatchle.

What, you mean this old thing?

(dance music plays)

My Punk-Bots have been programmed to rouse rabble at the McSac Store.

They'll lure the Ninja close, and we'll hit him with my big surprise.

Don't you mean my big surprise!

Do you even know what your big surprise is?

Don't tell me! You'll ruin the surprise!

Yeah!

Let's disrupt some commerce, eh, lads?

Rock-n-roll!

It's raining pain!

(laughing) That's not yours anymore.

Thievery!

(screaming)

Give me that! Nice bag, pops.

Random destruction!

I had five minutes left on that meter!

This is the hardest thing ever!

We just have to stick it out until we got enough money for a McSatchle!

(man) Hey, tickie rippers.

Report to the big room for gum scraping duty.

(chuckles)

(grunts) I hate working, Cunningham!

It's the Anti-Bruce!

Just remember, we're in this together.

To the end.

-(humming sound) -Oh, thank cheese!

Nice timing, Nomicon!

Why don't you get scraping,

and I'll be there as soon as humanly vloomp-able.

What about "together to the end"?

(bird coos)

(both exclaiming)

(screaming)

"The gain is rarely worth the loss."

NinjaNomicon, I'm trying to get a bag that will make people worship our cheese,

so if we could do this whole gainy-lossy thing later,

that would be Brucely appreciated.

Ah! Stop that! Stop it!

Stupid Shoobingham, leaving me to scrape gum

while he's in the bathroom shloompin' his Nomicon.

What'cha doin'?

What's it look like I'm doin'?

I'm on a treasure hunt!

McFist hid video game tokens under random wads of gum!

I've found five so far!

For serious?

Can I take a scrape at it?

Be my guest.

Nope. Nope.

-Nope, nope... -(video game plays)

The McFist-A-Plex McManager's Lounge will give us

the perfect view of my robo-rousers.

(grunts) You mean my robo-rousers!

We still doing this?

Keep scraping!

Those tokens aren't going to find themselves!

That kid reminds me of someone.

Someone I like.

(chuckles) I found a quarter!

I found a quarter!

Oh, that's right... me!

Son, how'd you like to be McManager?

-But sir, I'm... -Fired!

That's what you are, Bryce!

Now go take a smile somewhere else. What's your name?

Doesn't matter, I'll call you "Young Hannibal."

Hey, Howard, sorry about that.

Nomicon was jabbering gains and losses

and blah-blah... Why are you wearing a tuxedo?

I've been promoted.

You made McManager?

This is Bruce-diggity!

Now we can slack off, get paid and buy a McSatchle!

Slappage!

But first I'm gonna need you to plunge the second floor bathroom

and squeegee the butter traps.

(laughing) Sure, I'll get right on that, Mr. McManager.

Or was it plunge the butter traps and squeegee the bathroom?

-(both laughing) -Why don't I plunge and squeegee 'em both?

Good call.

(grunts) Huh? Wait a second, you're serious?

You said we should get jobs.

Turns out my job is... being your boss.

You are not the boss of me!

This name tag says otherwise.

That name tag says "Bryce"!

Cunningham, please don't make me

fire you before we've saved enough for the McSatchle.

And about that,

now that I'm making more money than you,

I'll be taking our McSatchle Monday through Saturday.

The juice you will!

Don't worry.

You can have it on Sundays.

Well, every other Sunday.

(groans)

That butter trap ain't gonna squeegee-plunge itself.

(growls)

(toilet flushes)

(Howard) Ooh, sorry, Cunningham.

That's next week's film.

This week's is, Winky Face: The Movie.

I probably should've checked before you did all that.

-Mmm. -You are the jerkiest boss ever!

Attention shoppers, there's a sale on anarchy!

-(laughing) -Give me that!

-(crying) -Rock-n-roll!

It's Ninja o'clock.

Actually, your break's in 20 minutes, so if Ninja o'clock could happen then,

that'd be super.

-(screaming) -You cannot tell me when to Ninja!

Hello. McManager.

You know what? I quit.

What about our McSatchle?

There is no "our McSatchle"!

(groans)

-(Randy) Smokebomb! -(grunts)

(roaring)

(grunting)

Can't believe Cunningham disrespected my cheese like that!

(beeps)

(giggling)

Yes! My plan is working!

Plan?

I didn't see anything on the break room bulletin board about a plan.

Isn't this where you spring "your" surprise?

Of course, my surprise...

Uh... Really excited about my surprise.

Think you're gonna love it, and... Ohh.

(all grunting)

(karate yells)

-(shouting) -(groaning)

-(stammering) -Oh, I'll do it!

-(device beeps) -What?

-(zipping sound) -(gasps)

-What the juice? -(roars)

Whoa! Did not see that coming.

-Surprise! -(roaring)

Ninja Rings!

Ninja Chain-sickle!

Ninja what's going on?

I constructed Giant Punk-Bot's armor from McSatchle.

Why would you do that?

Because McSatchles are indestructible!

(chuckling)

Yeah... about that.

In order to lower costs, we went with a cheaper zipper.

-It's highly destructible. -You did what?

Gee... Surprise!

(gasps) I gotta tell Cunningham!

Although he did disrespect my cheese.

Hmm. What to do... What to do...

-(groans) -(roars)

-(music plays) -(laughing) Yeah!

(music stops)

Tengu Fire Ball.

(grunting)

Oh, boy.

Yes! Eat 'Satchle, Ninja!

-Hey, jerk, I need to tell you something. -Hey, jerk, not listening.

Why's Young Hannibal talking to the Ninja?

That's against company policy!

Listen, I'm not speaking to you either, but I have to tell you this!

What, Howard? You need me to come back in there

and beat the farts out of the theater seats?

No! Besides, you can't do that. I fired you.

You didn't fire me! I quit!

Would you just listen to me!

That thing's made out of McSatchles!

And McFist skimped on the zips!

So what you're saying is... they tried to sell us horky McSatchles?

I know!

Also, you can probably beat that thing by stabbing it in the zipper.

Hey, buddy, you just McManaged to save the day.

Why do you say things like that?

Huh! Yah!

Ninja Slice!

(unzipping sound)

(shouting)

Ninja Hot Balls!

(screaming)

Not rock-n-roll, mate.

Hi-yah!

-(gasps) -Your plan failed.

Not a surprise!

So I got fired. (chuckles) Yeah.

Turns out McFist has a very strict

anti-chatting-up-the-Ninja policy.

Sorry you lost your job, but I couldn't have stopped that thing without you.

-Hmm... -(gasps)

You know, it's weird.

Usually the Nomicon's jibber-jabber comes back to help me out,

but not this time.

(gasps)

♪ Best friends ♪

Why are you looking at me like that?

We were so desperate to gain a McSatchle, we almost lost our friendship.

So not worth it.

'Cause of the horky zips, right?

Right, Howard. The horky zips.

Friendship, now that's rock-n-roll.

(Randy) That's awful!

Your Uncle Nooge is going to jail for a crime he didn't commit?

You completely missed the point of that story:

I got two free tickets to Whoopee World this weekend!

-You in? -So in!

(chuckles) I was afraid you'd say that.

See, we both know that once we get to Whoopee World, you'll spot McFist and

be all, "He must be up to something..."

McFist! He must be up to something!

And then, boom, you're gone-zo.

And I'll look like a total shoob standing there talking to myself.

Bup-bup-bup... Let me finish.

(quacks)

(man) No way!

It's my baby bro, Hannie!

What brings you here, bro-mo-sapien?

Terry, I faxed you this morning!

Adam, dude, why didn't you tell me I got a fax, man?

(burps)

(groans) This is awful.

-I hate coming here. -You know the dealio.

-Terry is the heir to McFist Industries. -(flatulence under water)

Once a year he needs to sign the company over to you.

That guy is not McFist's big brother.

-(squeaking sound) -Wet willy, man!

That guy is so McFist's big brother!

(squirming) Would you just sign the paper?

I wanna rap at 'cha first, about something important.

(groans) Here comes the wind-power...

Wind power!

It's the future, man, all the way from the past!

If we ran things on wind, the whole world could take her breezy.

Sign the paper!

-(burps) -(groans)

I'll go get the backup document from the hovercraft.

All right!

Grab a loofah, you can scrub my can't-reachies!

Viceroy, I'll help you!

(chuckles) This is huge!

If Terry doesn't sign that paper, McFist will be gone

and I'll never have to worry about him again!

Ninja Enemy Take Down!

(humming)

(groans) Fine NinjaNomicon, but make it fast!

"The unknown ally can be more dangerous than the known enemy."

I hear ya, Nomicon, and normally I'd be all "totally" but have you seen Terry?

This unknown ally isn't dangerous, he's a majorly chill bree-brah, bro, you know.

(shouting)

No! Adam, stop it!

Ninja! What are you doin' here?

You come by for a soak?

What? A soak? No, I'm good.

Listen, Terry, you can't sign that paper.

But then I'd be running McFist Industries...

Yes! Perfect! You should do that!

Sorry, Ninj, I am not a businessman.

It's like my dad used to say: "Terry, you are not a businessman."

This is your chance to prove him wrong.

With you in charge, Norrisville could run on... wind power.

We could finally take her breezy...

(flatulence under water)

(McFist groans)

Enough with the dude stew, Terry.

It's time to sign the paper!

What do you mean you won't sign?

In conclusion, if you can guarantee we'll bro out all day

without McFist wonkin' up our fun,

then I'll take you to Whoopee World.

Howard... I guarantee it.

So you're saying I was standing at my locker

talking to myself like a shoob for 20 minutes?

You completely missed the point of the story:

I replaced my enemy with a peace lovin' nicewad!

No way this can go wrong.

♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoopee! ♪

♪ Whoop, whoop Whoop, whoop, whoopee! ♪

♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoopee! ♪

♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop... ♪

-(mooing) -Welcome to Windeee World!

The world's first wind-powered amusement park!

(lots of flatulence)

Wind power is fart power!

This is amaze-dingles!

That's the sound of the smell of the future, boys.

(chuckles) Man, I had no idea that being a businessman was so easy.

Howard, I never thought I'd get to say this,

but let's go check fart-powered bumper cars off our bucket list.

(both laughing)

I don't know how I did it, but Windeee World is now 100 percent wind-powered.

OK, I know how I did it. I'm a genius!

Whoopie!

I'd like to cash in one of my complimentary hug coupons.

Get off me!

Hannibal! What are you doing here?

Watching my older brother ruin my empire!

Stupid wind power!

(crying)

I'm gonna hit you so hard, you're gonna forget your name!

I'm gonna hit you so hard, you're gonna forget you said that!

(both) Fart power!

(screaming)

-(flatulence) -(mooing)

Fart power!

-Fart power? -(groans)

(horn blares)

-Stupid fart power! -This place stinks!

Un-amusement park zing!

Double zing for the win!

Shoob.

Come on, leave Bucky alone.

I was talking about you, Cunningham!

By taking down McFist you ruined Whoopee World!

-Shoob. -That's not true.

Is that true? Howard, wait. No, come back, Howard! Come back please!

(indistinct chatter)

Why's everyone bummin', V-Nasty?

Our "generators" aren't breaking enough wind to power the park.

(slurping sound)

Hey, Terry, guess who I am right now: "Son, you are no businessman!"

Here's a hint, I'm Dad! (laughs)

(chuckles) I'm not done yet!

Actually, if we don't find an alternate source of wind, we are.

Sign the paper and I'll clean up your mess, just like I always have.

-(evil laugh) -(flatulence)

Oh, excuse me.

These organic prune smoothies really pack a punch.

(lots of flatulence)

Gather the Man-Droids, V-Diggity.

I think I know where we can score ourselves some major windage.

Care for a free prune smoothie, man?

Better make it a double.

(slurps, burps)

-(flatulence) -(chuckles)

(screams)

Howard, come on, you're not really mad.

Howard? Where are you?

(sniffs, groans)

You were here.

And recently. What the smoothie is going on?

I'm thinking it's Ninja time.

-(electric zapping) -Ah! Ooh!

I really tooted my own horn there, didn't I?

Butt trumpet zing!

(flatulence continues)

(gasps)

(laughing) Wind power, man!

It's all happening!

Today, Whoopee World, tomorrow the world world!

This is your plan?

To hook the entire planet up to fart-catchers?

Yepper doodles!

And I'm going to be the king of Fart-topia!

Gonna have to call smokebomb on that.

Ninja, bro, check it!

I did what you said. I took over the company!

That was your idea?

Well, yeah, but I didn't know he was gonna...

I mean there... I didn't know there were gonna be farts.

-Ninja, you gotta save us! -(flatulence)

It's over, Terry.

It'd be way cooler if it wasn't, you know.

That means get him, you peace-lovin' trash compactors!

(sighs)

(grunting)

Ninja Avoid the Attack!

Ninja Rings!

Ninja Chain-sickle.

Aw, it's over, man!

(whispering)

It's back on, man!

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

All the guy wanted was a commercial grade fart-catcher and you gave him a robo-tick!

Mother says overachieving is one of my finest qualities.

(shouts)

Yeah, man! Yeah! Spark up that Ninja, man!

(howling)

OK, so swapping McFists was epically wonk.

And I want to make it right.

How do I make it right?

"The unknown ally can be more dangerous than the known enemy."

I thought my unknown ally wasn't dangerous,

but it turns out he's more dangerous than my known enemy.

Which means... My known enemy is actually my unknown ally!

It's all so simple!

Hey, McFist, think fast!

Wait, what'd he say? Stink last?

Eat Ninja Hot Balls!

Yah!

Aww, bummer, dude.

-(mooing) -(dinging)

-(groaning) -What have I done?

I tried to take her breezy,

but instead I became the last thing I ever wanted to be: a McFist.

Dad was right.

Being a businessman ain't my business, man.

Listen, Terry, you may not be a businessman,

but I could never be a... uh, er...

What are you anyway, a dead beat?

Gracias , bro-chacho.

That means a lot.

Now... sign the paper!

Man, that is a load off. I'm telling you.

(giggles)

-(kissing sounds) -Ha!

It's you and me again, McFist.

Guess I don't exist. I'm just the guy who builds stuff, you know.

Give it a rest would ya!

Honestly, Ninja, it's been kind of a long day.

What do ya say we start fresh tomorrow?

I say... smokebomb!

Cunningham, let's talk about what you learned today.

Hannibal McFist isn't even the craziest guy in his family?

-And...? -One man's air biscuits

are another man's renewable energy source?

-And...? -And... I don't know.

If you hadn't run out while I was talking, none of this would have ever happened!

I swear, you just don't appreciate my wisdom

Bup-bup-bup... Let me finish.

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Best friends we will always be ♪

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Yeah ♪