Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(Howard) Cunningham, you have to let this go.

It's going to drive you mad.

-I am mad! -And I would be, too,

-if somebody ate my lunch. -You ate my lunch!

Look, we don't know what happened for sure.

When you went to the bathroom, there was a sandwich.

When you came back, the sandwich was gone.

It's a mystery.

-What's on the side of your mouth? -Mm. Nothin'.

-(microphone feedback) -(all yelling)

Attention students!

This is not over.

As you know, this week at NHS is

"Get Off Your Butts And Do Something" week!

Which is why for the next hour,

you're going to sit right there and watch fitness model,

butt-whoopsmith and motivational speaker...

Mac Antfee! Yay!

-Mac Antfee? -(gasping)

-Who's Mac Antfee? -Seriously?

Seriously, that psychotic former ninja who ran Ninja Camp?

The one who tried to kill you?

Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

Get ready to taste the 'Splosion!

(grunting)

That Mac Antfee.

Yeah, I remember him. He's a jerk.

Howard, save my seat.

Not like you saved my sandwich.

(yelling, grunts)

Someday I'll come back for that ninja suit,

and when I get it, I'll kick every butt in Norrisville!

(gasps) "The Ultimate Lesson."

The last thing a Ninja's supposed to do is Mind Wipe himself.

Mac never mind-wiped!

(gasps)

Only way to stop Mac for good

is to make him forget he was the Ninja.

I'm gonna wipe his butt!

Mind-wipe his butt... is what I meant.

(students) 'Splode to a better me!

-I can... -(all) I can...

...'splode to a better me!

-...'splode to a better me! -(all cheering)

Oh, boy.

What the juice is going on?

I'm going to get real with you people.

I used to be what you might call a "major league shoob."

Then I lost it all: my Ninja Camp, my awesome bus.

All I had left was my go-fast boat and my bro, Man Gong.

-(gong) -(crying)

Hey, I'm unexpectedly moved by this.

That's when I realized, all I had to do was 'splode to a better me!

And you can, too!

-(all cheering) -People are actually buying this?

-It's just so beautiful. -He threw you out of a pagoda!

-(eagle crying) -(both gasping)

If I can go from jerkwad to nicewad,

anyone can!

Prepare to harness the power of You-Splosion!

"You-Splosion: a Mac Antfee Motivational System.

Experience 'Your' to the power of 'Self'?"

Mac Antfee is a good guy?

Oh, he is not a good guy,

he's a great guy!

(grunting)

Feel the You-Splosion!

(sobs) I feel funny!

Like I want to hug a dork!

-Hey! -(sobbing)

(sobs) We're best friends forever now.

This is all a cover so Mac can come after the Ninja! I know it!

Cunningham, please let this go.

You are seriously harshing my You-Splosion.

-(people cheering) -(growls)

(gasps)

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the nicewad and my old Mac-olyte.

-(both gulping) -(grunting)

Get over here, you two!

(chuckling) You're awesome, Mac.

-No... -(gasps)

We're awesome.

-(both laughing) -Mac, quick question.

Last time, you wanted to steal the Ninja's mask and kick every butt in Norrisville.

-That still on the menu? -Kick every butt?

More like inspire every butt.

There, see? Let it go.

So, you don't want the power of the suit

and the pure Ninja awesomeness that goes with it?

-No, I'm good. -Admit it, Mac.

You wanna feel those magic black jimmy-jams swirling around you,

giving you skills you could only dream of. I can feel it.

You want the weapons, and the Nomicon, and the smoke bombs.

Come on, how fun are the smoke bombs?

(whimpering) Hey...

You sure know an awful lot about being the Ninja!

Of course, this is all speculation on my part.

How would I know? I'm just a freshman.

Ordinary, average freshman. I'm gonna go. Goodbye.

But I didn't get my You-Splosion.

You just couldn't let it go.

You pretty much told Mac Antfee that you're the Ninja.

(Randy chuckles) I think it's gonna be OK.

Mac doesn't care about that stuff anymore.

He said it. You heard him. This is all gonna be fine.

Tell me this is going to be fine.

Then why are you hiding in your locker?

-(music from TV) -Status update, Weiner Nation.

Prep your peepers for an H-clusive with motivational guru,

Mac Antfee.

So, Mac, what's the dilly?

The dilly? You want to know the dilly?

(giggling)

Here's the dilly.

Now that I know who you are,

I will never stop coming after you.

So save yourself a lot of trouble,

and give me what I want!

-(screams) -You have until the end of the day!

-Hey, that's my... -(grunts)

Oh, nice work, Cunningham.

Mac Antfee was a full on nicewad,

until you un-sploded him back into a jerkwad.

I'm totally shoobed! He'll keep coming after me and everyone I know!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't everyone you know.

I have to Mind Wipe Mac Antfee. Howard, I need your help.

Oh, no. Mac'll recognize me the second I walk in the room.

-Or, will he? -Yes. He will.

-(grunting) -What're you doin', Mr. Antfee?

Punching melons, little...

-(giggling) -...lady, is it?

Oh, yes. I'm a girl, all right.

(giggles)

Can I get your autograph?

Don't I know you?

Not unless you enjoy such activities as

sewing, painting your nails and driving a race car,

which are just a few of the things girls can do these days.

(giggling) Sky's the limit!

Kind of busy getting pumped for a smack down!

Then how 'bout you sign my math book

and I'll skadoodle on out of here! (giggles)

(growls) Let's get this over with.

Hey, this is the...

Huh... I cannot believe that worked.

(gasps)

-(giggles) -(growling)

(screaming)

(grunts, gasps)

The NinjaNomicon, wow. This takes me back, man.

(Randy) Mac Antfee!

Gonna tell me why you shloomped me in here, ya scaredy-baby?

(Randy) To end things, once and for all.

You know, I didn't even go to Norrisville High looking for the Ninja.

But the stupid Ninja came to me! Ha!

(Randy) Yeah, not one of my better moments.

-But I'm gonna fix it. -(grunts)

(grunts)

(grunts, yelling)

-Oof! -(laughing)

Uh-oh...

(grunts)

Ninja Air Fist!

Doodle Sword? How'd you do that?

We're in the Nomicon, chucklehead.

In here, anything is possible. (laughing)

Oh boy. Not good.

(panting) I knew I should've worn flats!

Oh boy.

(growling)

-(panting) -Just give up!

We'll vloomp out, I'll take the mask,

you walk the earth in shame! Sound good?

(gasps) I got a better idea.

-Tengu Fire Ball! -Ninja Hydro Hand!

There's a Hydro Hand? What the juice, Nomicon!

I was the Ninja for five years!

-Five years? -All right, six years.

Point is, I got skills you ain't even heard of yet!!

(screams)

(growling, laughing)

(panting) We can take a break if you want.

(panting)

-Yes! -(growling)

Cunningham! Hurry it up in there!

Look at me! Four arms...

I've missed this.

(grunts)

(groans)

Didn't know I had a tail, did you?

Neither did I! I just did that.

(yelling)

Nomicon, I don't want to be a jerk about this,

but if Mac had been properly Mind Wiped when you de-masked him,

none of this would be happening!

(yelling)

Ninja Comet Sprint!

(grunting, groaning)

(birds chirping)

I... (gasps)

(Randy) In the Nomicon, anything is possible.

Ha!

Ho! Ho!

Oh! You brought me in here to Mind Wipe me?

That is adorable.

Mac, when you're done being the Ninja,

you're supposed to Mind Wipe yourself.

Why would I want to forget how awesome I am?

But the memory of having all this Bruce power can drive you crazy!

Which is why you're crazy!

Uh-huh, I hear you.

Or, how about this, I Mind Wipe you!

-Ah! -(laughing)

You don't want to do that.

Oh, I so want to do it.

Listen, there's no shame in losing to the Class of '85,

-because we rule! -Please don't do this.

Don't worry. You won't even remember

-I kicked your butt! -(Randy) No!

Now time to vloomp out of here and get my mask back.

(humming, gasps)

What the juice?

You tricked me!

Ain't no shame in losing to the Class of... in your face!

No!

(panting) Seriously...

When are you...

...gonna give up?

-(grunts) -(growls)

Man Gong! What are you doing?

-Oh! (giggles) -Help me tear the stage down.

We gotta get to Flackville for a 4:30 You-Splosion and River Cruise!

(grunts)

Here's your stupid book.

(whispering)

Me? The Ninja?

I think I'd remember something like that.

We did it, Howard. We Mind Wiped Mac Antfee.

You know what we could do, MG?

Make a fruit salad. Drop it by the orphanage on the way!

Yep, he's a permanent nicewad.

Let's go to the Bucket. I'm starved.

Hey buddy, my treat.

You took that from my wallet while I was shloomped out, didn't you?

Let it go, Cunningham. Let it go.

(humming)

(Principal on PA) So the music class is cancelled until further notice.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you send... a note!

School announcement, zing!

(Principal) And finally, quicksand has been found

in the creepy swamp behind the school.

So, don't go in the creepy swamp. There's quicksand!

-Did you hear what he said? -Yeah!

Go in the creepy swamp, there's quicksand!

Oh, bad news, RC. There's a sign.

(grunting) And a fence.

Oh, I didn't even see the fence!

Looks like we dragged that cinder block all this way for nothing.

No, Howard, I dragged this cinder block all this way for nothing.

And I won't let it be for nothing!

(chuckling)

(laughs) Yes!

Chop it down! Chop it down!

No!

That book's going to ruin everything.

Not this time! Nomicon don't own me!

We came to swamp, we gonna swamp!

In your face, Nomicon!

Ninja Slice!

(gasps) I can not believe you did that!

Howard, what say we go find ourselves some...

(both) Quicksand!

(laughing) Oh yes!

(alarm ringing)

-You check left! -I'll take right!

(screams)

I've been snared like a possum! Or is it opossum?

An opossum? A opossum? None of these sound right.

Anyway, these guys don't know who they're messin' with!

Hello? Suit?

Dangling in mid-air here.

Could kinda use my suit and my weapons and...

Why isn't this working?

-(leaves rustling) -(gasps)

-Ahh! -How're you doin' over there, partner?

-My name, Catfish. -Hello, Mr. Catfish.

My name's Ran... ginald Bagel.

Ranginald Bagel. That's me.

It seems I've been mistakenly caught in your trap.

Oh, there's no mistake 'bout it, Mr. Bagel.

I'm the best trapper in these here parts.

Or any parts. (chuckles)

You danglin' 'cause you criss-crossin' on my popaty.

Oh no, sir. I would never criss-cross on your "popaty."

This is all just a big misunderstanding.

It don't matter.

Now you're my popaty.

-(gasps) -(phone ringing)

-Howard? -Cunningham? Found the quicksand.

I'm dangling over it!

I need the ninja! Hurry!

OK, OK. Don't panic. I'll be right there.

Actually, not right there, 'cause I'm sort of, kinda

tied to the grill of a psychopath's pickup truck.

-And my Ninja suit doesn't work. -Get off of speaker phone.

It sounded like you said your suit doesn't work.

It doesn't. So just hang in there.

Word play? At a time like this?

-(phone beeps) Call dropped. -(groaning)

Oh boy.

Get yourself some cozy. This here is your new home.

What the juice?

I'm the boss of this here swamp. Me.

All these critters? They do what I say.

Ain't that right?

I said, ain't that right!

Ooh, a skinny mullet like you gonna make me a nice coat rack yet.

I just gotta fit you with a collar.

So what size collar are you?

I'm gonna say about a 15, 15 and a half...

Why would I know that?

(alarm ringing)

It looks like someone else been criss-crossing on my popaty!

Now you keep an eye on Mr. Bagel.

He act like a couyon,

you have yourself a skinny mullet po' boy!

Y'all rest, follow me!

NinjaNomicon, I've been trapped in a cage by some kind of swamp wizard.

Why won't my Ninja suit work?

Huh?

"If you abuse the power, you lose the power."

So I lost my ninja powers because I abused them.

But not forever, right? How do I get them back?

Fine. You won't tell me?

Then I'll just do this without the suit.

Psst. You help free me, I'll help you stop being a sofa.

(growls)

(gasps)

You hungry?

How'd you like a bite of couyon leg?

-(gasps) -(Howard screaming)

I'm comin', Big H!

(panting)

And my mom said all those hours playing

SwampPuncher: Grand Theft Fanboat

-would amount to nothing! -(phone rings)

Howard? I'm coming to save you.

-What? -I'm coming to save you!

I can't hear you! It sounds like you're on a fanboat.

I am on a fanboat!

Oh man, I miss everything.

Also, help!

(screams) If I don't make it through this...

-Howard, you're going to make it. -No, let me say this.

In seventh grade, when I borrowed your underpants,

and returned them and said they were clean?

Not true! Not even close!

Wait, wait, wait. How not clean?

Adios, bromosabe.

Howard? (groans)

Ooh, now we gonna make gumbo.

(screams)

Don't even think about it, Booray.

You's supposed to be in your cage, boy!

You're not eating my friend.

I ain't gonna eat your friend!

They gonna eat your friend.

-Then they gonna eat you. -(gulping)

Would you PJ up already?

I can't! The mask is freezin' me out because I abused my power!

So, unabuse it and get us out of here!

(snarling)

(Howard screaming)

(growls)

No!

-Whoa. -I second that whoa two times.

-Whoa, whoa! -(bubbling)

(gasps) No!

Mr. Bagel just sacrificed himself for you.

That was very noble...

and stupid.

(screams)

(screaming)

(shouting) Power unabused!

Ninja! Yes!

Ninja? What are you doin' down there?

(growls)

Stupid swamp panther!

Oh, he name is Shaun.

Shaun? Really? You named a panther Shaun.

-Get him, Shaun! -(growls)

"Abuse the power, lose the power!"

Ahh... That's it! The collar!

You're free, Shaun.

-(purring) -You were totally abusing power, Booray.

Wild animals should not be controlled by magic collars.

And that furniture thing was way wrong.

Didn't even look comfortable. What's up with having uncomfortable furniture?

(snaps)

Multiple Collar Slicing Ninja Rings!

My swamp army!

Getting a little light-headed here.

Oops, my bad. Ninja Slice!

Hi-yah!

-(yelling) -Let's go!

(Booray) I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Ninja.

(laughs) What are you gonna do, Booray?

Your beasts abandoned you.

Oh, I still got a little somethin'-somethin', yeah.

This here my gris-gris.

I got the power of the swamp!

Oh, how Bruce for you. I got the power of smoke bomb!

You spilled my gumbos!

Oh, mighty spirit of the swamp...

conjure! Bewitch! Voodoo!

-(rumbling) -(laughing)

(grunting)

(gasps)

He booby-trapped the whole swamp!

Ninja Slice! Ninja Slice!

(screaming)

The fence! We made it! (gasps)

It's a pythanthigator!

(screeching)

-Quick, through the hole. -I'm not leaving without you.

-(growling) -I'll see you on the other side.

-(growls) -Yah!

(shouting)

(grunts)

Ha! Did you see that?

I hit him from over here.

Me! You know how hard it is to throw a cinder block?

-(growling) -Uh-oh!

(yelling)

(grunting) How do I stop this thing?

Ah!

-(growls) -Ninja Pouch Slash!

(growling, yelling)

See you later, pythanthigator.

-(giggling) -Boo!

You killed my gris-gris!

And now that you lost your power,

the animals want back they popaty!

(growling, hissing)

Hold on now, y'all!

Ain't no reason to get ornery.

(laughing)

-(growls) -I'm goin', I'm goin'.

Cunningham, the swamp has taught us a lesson today.

The secret ingredient in the delish gumbo is a pinch of me.

True... and there's that thing about my ninja powers.

I abuse them, I lose them.

Although you did get them back,

so clearly there's some wiggle room.

Nope, this ninja is emergencies only from now on.

Mr. Weinerman,

what part of keep out of the creepy swamp did you not understand?

Uh, the keep out part.

You just earned yourself detention.

Smoke bomb! It's OK, Principal Slimovitz.

This young man was just helping me fix that fence.

Which is something I do as the Ninja.

Fixing fences.

Oh, in that case, detention waved.

-Hm... -What? Wiggle room.

♪ His name is Catfish ♪

♪ He's got the gris-gris ♪

♪ He's got the voodoo ♪

♪ He's got the gumbo ♪

♪ Don't like the couyon ♪

♪ He's got the voodoo ♪

♪ Down on the bayou ♪

(scatting)