Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ -(Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(bell ringing)

Sorry, I'm late. I was uh... studying. For... geometry.

Mm-hm. And I suppose you were destroying a Robo-Ape

to find the area of an isosceles triangle?

Yes! Isosceles triangle! That is exactly correct.

There's no such thing as an isosceles triangle! I just made that up!

Admit it! You lied! You were off Ninja-ing without me!

I didn't lie. It's just Ninjas work alone, which bothers you... So... I lied.

-I... (gasps) -(clinking sound)

The chin-waggers at the school board insist I conduct a Safety Seminar!

But I believe in learn-by-doing.

So I present: The Three-Legged Safety Search!

(handcuffs clinking)

See what happens when you leave me hanging?

I could've been zip-tied to Flute Girl!

I'm so psyched that we're partners, Stevens. Are you so psyched?

♪ So sweet ♪

Seriously, Stevens? Your band pin?!

You know what this symbolizes?! I'm your girl!

The school has 23 danger zones, all off-limits.

Access them, photograph yourselves, and return unscathed.

Howard, you know you can count on me.

Except when I can't count on you!

The team with the most snappies chooses tomorrow's gym activity!

I'm gonna win! I'm gonna make all youse do something painful!

-Your butts aren't gonna like it! -(all gulping)

OK, Cunningham, you want to prove I can count on you? Then let's win this thing.

We'll be heroes to every butt in class!

I need to know you're with me no matter what.

I am with you no matter what.

Also, I have no choice.

Each team must return properly zip-tied or you're disqualified!

Good? Great! On your marks, set...

Three-legged safety search!

My deliverance is nigh!

One day, every one hundred years, for one minute,

the Sorcerer Key is revealed!

The key holds the power to unlock my vile prison.

But every century, it eludes me!

(old-timey piano music)

The Key eludes me!

(dramatic orchestral music)

The Key eludes me!

(light-tempo music)

The Key eludes me!

(sobs)

(techno music)

Today, I will not be thwarted!

The Sorcerer Key will be mine!

(evil chuckle)

(both) Mm-mm.

See? I told you, buddy. You can count of me.

-And... Sky Carp One. -What's left?

Well, we already got the Girls Cobra Training Club,

JV Human Hamster Ballin',

and the Fire Toboggan Run.

Yeah! Yes, we burned all our arm hair off. Yes, permanently.

And yes, it was worth it.

Sorry I got my cheese in a knot about that whole Ninja thing.

Hey, cheese happens. It's cool.

Sorry, Randy can't come to the Nomicon right now.

He's busy winning a safety search. Beep!

Well... yeah... I... just...

Aw, come on, Cunningham! One danger zone left and we win!

This is our chance to be heroes!

-Together! -I'll shloomp, I'll vloomp

and I'll be right back!

No! No shloomp! No vloomp!

When we win, we can lay out all the wrestling mats

and take an hour-long nap. It'll be gym class without the gym! Or the class!

Really gotta take this.

Outta the way!

We're gonna win!

Which means you're gonna lose! Whoo!

Cunningham, I am not letting you shoob this for us!

And so it was that the First Ninja cast the Sorcerer into a bottomless pit

and sealed it with the Eye of Eternity.

The Ninja locked the stone with a magic key.

Knowing the key was too dangerous to possess, the Ninja hid it away.

Yet every 100 years, the key reveals its resting place in hopes of being found.

That time is now!

Oh! My! Ninja! So what do I do?

The Sorcerer Key must be found immediately.

The sunlight and the stone will work together to guide you...

Sunlight. Stone. Got it.

(grunts) Ow!

What the juice?! Where are we? Ow!

N.H.S. spelunking caverns! The final place on the safety search list!

-Ow! -That one's on you!

OK, come on,

the next danger zone's up there by that razor-sharp rock formation!

Yeah, about that... Slight change of plans.

I have to bail on the hunt and go find the Sorcerer Key!

What do I care about a stupid key?

I'm sorry. But I have to do this!

No, we are doing this! We were doing this first!

Hey! The Nomicon said "immediately," so I'm going! Immediately!

Fine! You go your way, I'll go mine!

(both grunting)

What're you gonna do? Drag me?

(grunting)

You... Have... a surprisingly powerful leg.

-(buzzing) -(nervous laughter)

Huh?!

You gave Cynthia a band pin?! How many girls have these?

Ah, it's so bad... (sobbing)

The taste of romance gone wrong!

It takes a full century for this brew to mature!

This fetid fondue will allow me to command

whomever is under my spell to find the Sorcerer Key!

(evil laughter)

Now the sunlight and the stone will work together to lead me to the Key!

I stopped listening four hallways ago.

Locker 216! So mystical!

Great, you found it. Let's mark that spot, turn in our pics,

and come back after we've won.

Yes! (laughing)

The Key is within my grasp!

No, no!

No!

Gotta suit up! Sorry Howard, Ninja works alone.

Uh-uh. If you cut the tie, we'll be disqualified from the search!

That Sorcerer Key belongs to me!

Ooof!

What're you "oofin'" about? I'm the one who hit the wall!

Uh, Ninja. Ah!

That thing almost crushed us! You are off your game today, Ninja.

(roaring)

Ninja...!

The sunlight and the stone will work together. Work together...

That's it! Its three legs are working together.

Howard, you were right. I need your help.

Oh, what do ya know? Mr. Always-Works-Alone needs me.

I'm the sunlight, you're the stone!

Why can't I be the sunlight?

Fine! You're the sunlight! Point is, I need you, brodeo!

I'm in! And I'm not completely sold on "brodeo."

(grunting)

Victory is mine, Ninja.

The only way to fight three legs is with three legs workin' together!

Follow my lead.

Not my idea of working together!

Forget the Ninja! Get the Key!

Oh, he is so not getting the Key!

That's our Key!

Weinerman hurl!

How do you de-stank a three-legged mutant band geek?

Band Pin! Stevens gave it to Flute Girl. She's crazy for him.

But you know Stevens, dude's a tomcat.

All right! Ninja pin slice!

No! Eluded!

Stevens, I have only one thing to say to you...

Waa-waaa!

♪ Not sweet ♪

It's official. We're both the Ninja!

I want my own mask. And a sword. But no scarf. Maybe a cape.

Wait, shh.

OK, Nomicon, let's do this...

The Sorcerer's strength is growing.

You must protect the Key, for you will need it in the Final Battle.

No prob. Protect the key and... final battle with the Sorcerer?!

On second thought, Ninja is more of a solo thing.

-What's up? -Just chillin', it's all good.

Dude, I'm gonna fight the Sorcerer! How honkin' Bruce is that?

I mean, it's honkin' scary but it's honkin' Bruce.

-Oh, yeah! -Bash!

We can still win the safety search!

If we work together!

(bell ringing)

We did it, Cunningham! We won the Safety Search!

Our dream of sleeping through gym class is finally coming true!

Well, partially true. Technically, we tied with Bash.

Technically-shmechnically. (yawns) I'm gettin' my nap on!

At the sound of my tweeter, commence Dodge Sleep!

-(whistle blows) -(yelling)

(boy) Ha! I hit that kid in the butt!

(chicken clucking)

And what are we doin' this weekend?

Seems like there was something going on...

Awesome, CluckFest!

This weekend!

I can't wait to stretch my wings.

Eh, I can't remember what it is.

(man) CluckFest!

Cock-a-doodle hey, it's your main chick, H-Wow!

The 43rd annual CluckFest is flapping our way this weekend!

We're givin' big ups to the Ville's most delicious citizens!

Yeah! CluckFest is the jam!

It's my second favorite animal-fest! Right behind Meow-Madness.

Howard, you know I can't go to CluckFest, because of my... issue.

Issue? What issue?

The issue that has kept me from going to every CluckFest ever.

You know, my ba-kawk issue?

Gaw! Your idiotic fear of chickens is ruining our life!

Ruining our life? Really? It's ruining our CluckFest maybe...

The first 500 bros in line get a free two-Bro box!

I can't get it by myself! I'm only one bro! Ruining! Our! Life!

No, I can't do it! I am not going to CluckFest!

(Bash) What'd you say, shoobie?!

I'm tossin' out the first nugget at CluckFest!

Everybody has to be there!

If I don't see both of youse, I'm gonna point at ya,

I'm gonna laugh at ya, and I'm gonna punch ya in the guts!

Uh, Bash, my sister's wedding is this weekend, so I'm not gonna be able...

(laughing) Everybody! Especially you two.

Now we have to be there, Cunningham. Both of us!

Aw man, I have to go to CluckFest.

-♪ CluckFest ♪ -NinjaNomicon, I might, possibly,

just a little bit have a mortal fear of chickens.

Also, roosters.

Please tell me you got some fear-fightin' Ninja trick up your sleeve.

"To control your fear, you must embrace your fear."

What the juice?! Why can't you give me a simple answer, just once?

Please don't be a chicken!

That's not a chicken, that's a Robo-Cyclops. That I can handle.

Ninja-time!

Ninja...!

OK, Cyclops, feast your eye on this!

Ninja eye poke!

(electrical zapping)

(all cheering)

No, please, that's not necessary. Well, OK, if you must here I am.

(clucking)

Yeah! Chicken!

Nothing scary about those.

Smokebomb.

A one-eyed robot with zero depth perception?

You had no plan. Just admit it!

The robot's awkwardly-proportioned single eye was supposed to strike fear

into the heart of the Ninja.

Well, it didn't!

Next time you're gonna try to strike fear into the heart of the Ninja,

try figuring out what he's scared of first!

That's it!

I know it's it! I said it! What'd I say?

We need a device that will identify the Ninja's greatest fear.

Then we can turn his fear against him!

I said that? Boy, I am good.

Come here!. Hey, get back here!

Fine, I'll go! I'll go!

We gotta get you over this whole chicken thing! Let's go down to Charlie Clucker's.

We'll split a family pack with two sides!

Howard, I'm only afraid of them before they're breaded and deep-fried.

Have you ever looked in a chicken's eyes? There's nothin' there.

(humming)

Gulp!

Huh. Maybe it's defective.

(groans, gasps)

A Minotaur!

Playing smooth jazz! On a flugelhorn!

That rhino just farted out my worst fear!

(screaming)

(chuckles) I have to admit, this time, I nailed it.

My latest creation...

My creation! Continue...

...uses an emotion sensor to determine its victim's greatest fear.

Then it excretes a primordial pudding which forms into said victim's said fear.

It farts your worst fear? Feels like a cheap gag.

You can't go wrong with a classic, baby.

Leave me alone!

(groaning)

-(farting noise) -(screaming)

(boy) He's judging me from behind those tinted lenses!

When the Ninja shows up to stop the Rhino-Saurus,

he'll be so paralyzed by his fear,

we'll capture him easily!

I love it! Not crazy about the name "Rhino-Saurus",

-but I love everything else! -Mmm-hmm.

(all screaming)

(gasps)

I'm you in 25 years!

But you look just like... my mom! (screams)

Slow down! I can't run so fast. I got the bunions.

(screaming continues)

That's... weird.

What is going on?

I don't know. But I know who's gonna fix it!

The Ninja. Ninja's gonna fix it.

Ooh, good. 'Cause I do not want to deal with that.

Stay back, Dr. Feinstein! I'm not supposed to see you for two more weeks!

Hope you've been wearing your head gear!

The doctor is out... cold!

So-so zing, Ninja!

-(screams) -Huh?

Thanks, Ninja.

Soprano Sax! The most terrifying of all woodwinds!

What the juice are you supposed to be?

Huh?

(farting sound)

(both laughing)

-Uh-oh. -Chickens!

Just punch them!

So awful! Eight toes, dangling wattles.

Did you know they have more bones in their necks than giraffes?!

That can't be good.

We did it! We got him!

They're the closest living creature to the T-Rex still in existence! In existence!

Ohh, chickens. That is some sad business right there.

Tragic.

The Sorcerer's gonna be so jazzed!

(snoring)

You're so good.

A headless chicken can run the length of a football field!

A football field! With no head!

That's right, Ninja! We know your worst fear!

Who's a good boy? Who did such a good job capturing the Ninja?

Hannibal, that is a highly specialized piece of Ninja-fighting equipment!

He is not a pet!

Look at him! Look at him! He likes it!

Oh, dear.

Oh, heavens. It's Stevie Miller! My childhood nemesis!

Hey, Viceroy! Drop it like it's snot!

(squealing)

Quit playing with your little friend! We have a Ninja to destroy!

Geh!

Clown!

Get it together! You're a Ninja! They're just chickens!

Back up, back up, back up!

I'm freaking out.

"To control your fear, you must embrace your fear."

OK, control fear, embrace fear.

Embracing fear. It's all good. You're not feathered rats...

We're embracing, we're hugging.

Or you're about to peck my eyes out.

Stop it, we're all friend... Look how many friends I have.

Come lie down with me.

I'm not afraid. I just conquered my fears! Boom! Fearless! Me!

There's nothing you can do, Rhino-Saurus! I officially have no fear!

Oh, boy.

OK, Starting to feel fear here. Definitely fear.

Gotta stay calm. I can beat this.

Giant chicken!

Oh, it's disgusting! I can see its gizzard!

Oh, man, I gotta hug the rooster!

Ugh! I'm embracing my fear! And it's awful!

The Ninja's escaping! Get him!

I'm riding my fear. I hate this so much.

We had the Ninja and we lost him! This is all your fault, Viceroy!

Yeah! Way to go, Viceroy!

(Viceroy) Stevie! Stop it!

Ugh, feathers... in my mouth.

Ninja, I'm getting out of here.

Run, rooster, run!

Yes! Soar, mighty rooster, soar!

Oh, right. The longest sustained flight by a chicken or rooster is only 13 seconds...

Hold together, baby! Just a few more seconds!

Thank you, noble bird. Perhaps you are not as disgusting as I thought.

I take it back! That was shnasty!

(grunting)

(all cheering)

Yes! Smokebomb!

♪ CluckFest ♪

Yeah! It's a good thing all youse showed up to watch me throw out this nugget!

Otherwise, I would've had to punch you in the guts!

Whoo!

Here you go, sweetheart.

-(flatulence sound) -Right in the guts!

Aren't you glad you conquered your fear so you could see that?

I am. But I didn't exactly conquer my fear. I just embraced it.

What does that mean?

I don't know, man. I hugged a rooster at 35,000 feet.

I guess they don't freak me out as much anymore. Ah, chicken!

Oh, what, like you're not afraid of anything?

Nothing comes to mind.

Ah! Chicken's gone!

Nooo!

Really?

(jazz music)