Original subtitles

♪ Go, Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil. I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham!

Smoke bomb!

(theme music plays)

(Randy) Howard, we are moments away

from joining the school's most elite club.

(both) The Norrisville High Moustache Society!

I heard they have a secret cafeteria.

I heard they have a full-time masseuse.

I heard they have a supercomputer that'll do your homework for you.

We'll never have to learn again.

(all gasping)

-Time for your fur check, Stachelings. -(cheering)

Hmm. Hmm.

This is it, Howard. This is our moment.

You. Me. Together. Stache Society.

We're doin' it! (sniffles)

(sneezes)

We got a smoothie here.

Wow, that is weird. Isn't that weird?

My real moustache blew off.

I'll just go grow another one.

Howard, come on.

Mnh-mnh.

-Huh? -Howard.

(sighs)

-(crash) -Now what?

Smoke bomb!

Listen, I'm already having a pretty lousy morning,

so I'm just gonna take it out on you. Cool?

Cool. (shouts)

Ninja chain slash. Ninja spoke jam.

You know what? I feel better.

Guess who got in the Stache Society. (kisses)

-You joined without me? -Turns out all you gotta do

is not sneeze off your moustache.

I knew we shouldn't have made our 'staches out of your dad's back hair.

I'm allergic to his cologne.

Ninja identified.

Why can't you just be happy for me?

-Why can't you just get me in? -I totally will.

Except I can't. In order to cover my fakey-ness,

I may have co-sponsored some very strict anti-faker legislation.

-You what?! -(cell phone beeps)

Can we talk about this after lunch?

I got a Stache Meeting in the secret caf. Bushies only.

Smoke bomb.

What do you know?

Ninja destroyed another one of your stupid robots.

Actually, this robot succeeded.

Succeeded in getting destroyed.

-(horn honks) -Whoa! You got a license for that?

The trauma to his helmet region re-activated Ninja ID mode.

I give you

the face of the Ninja.

Yes, finally!

That's quite a push broom the Ninja's working with.

A kid with a lip warmer like that would be

in the Norrisville High Stache Society.

As the Society's founding father,

I'll just invite the gang to a little Stache soiree.

Where we'll compare each member to this picture.

And boom, Ninja captured! Did I just come up with a plan?

-I believe you did. -Ha! In your face.

Also, gonna need you to plan a quick party for me.

Something nice.

So then the entomologist says,

"That's no caterpillar. That's my moustache."

(spits, laughs) Too rich, David. Too rich.

Listen, we both had some time to cool off,

and I just want you to know

I'm totally cool with you quitting the Stache Society.

I'm not quitting. You're just mad 'cause I got in and you didn't.

Exactly. You have no idea how this feels.

I have no idea how it feels to have my best friend run off

-and do something awesome without me? -You really don't.

Howard, did you hear? The Society has been invited

to a party on McFist's hover yacht.

You can't go to a party on McFist's hover yacht.

Actually, I can. Because I was invited.

Come, David. We shouldn't be discussing this in front of a smoothie.

(scoffs)

Ninja Nomicon, I have to get into that party.

Not because I'm jealous.

Because it's on McFist's yacht and there could be trouble.

But they'll be on the lookout for fakies.

I need a disguise, one I won't sneeze off.

(screams)

"The Art of Disguise."

A master can alter his physical appearance

by focusing his Ninja energy.

Ninja energy equals sick 'stache.

"But be warned. Lose focus and the energy will master the Ninja."

Got it. Fine. Great. Let's do this.

Focusing Ninja energy

on wicked lip strip.

(grunting)

Focus...

You're doing it. Focus.

Ha ha ha! I'm a 'stache master.

(grunting continues)

And a good moustache to you, sir.

You can't go in there.

Focus, Cunningham.

Without one of these.

Enjoy.

(clinks)

I can't believe my old jacket still fits.

I haven't gained a pound since high school.

Looking good, sir.

Give me that. I'll find the Ninja. You prepare the torture room.

Will do. Right after I get a sundae.

No! First torture room, then sundae.

All I wanted was a little ice cream and some fudge.

Ooh, shrimp cocktail.

Go find this guy.

Howard, did you get your free McFuzz Buzzer?

It's a superior whisker whacker.

Man, I hate shaving.

Wish I didn't have to do it so often,

but the hair keeps growing right out of my face.

-Good evening, stache-migos. -(gasps)

You just had to come.

You couldn't stand the idea of me having fun at a party without you.

Howard, that's ridiculous.

You could never have fun at a party without me.

Chillin' with a convicted fakie is a kick-outable offense.

-You have to leave now. -Make me.

(blows whistle) Fakie! We got a fakie here!

-You're ratting me out? -You brought this on yourself.

Focus. Don't lose control.

Hey, you're that Smoothie from earlier.

You don't belong here.

What's with all the ruckus?

It appears we have a fakie onboard.

Don't worry. I took care of it.

Why do you have a picture of me?

Hmmm! We got a match.

Oh, did I say that's me? That's not me. It's not me!

Terribly sorry about this, Mr. Cunningham.

I don't know how we could have mistaken a boss stache like that for a fakey.

Think nothing of it, Harry. Innocent mistake.

Now who do I see about getting fitted for a pinkie ring?

Let me go. I'm not a fakie!

Weinerman's a fakie?

Huh? Guess you'll have to kick him out of the Society then, won't you?

Yeah, after we shave off his eyebrows.

(gasps) But those things don't grow back.

Howard, what have I done?

Yes. We got him. My plan worked!

You're right, my biker-bot lured, fought and identified the Ninja.

Plus, I threw together this shindig last minute with no help from you.

But yeah, your plan worked.

So you're saying my plan worked. Yes.

This party is a trap for the Ninja.

And Howard said I wasn't invited.

This whole thing is for me.

OK, fine, I'm a fakie. Don't kick me out.

This is my thing. I finally got a thing.

-(crying) -What's he whimpering about?

I believe he's saying his moustache isn't real.

The Ninja's a fakie?

Shave his eyebrows then destroy him.

-(whirring) -Oh, please.

I come from a very hairy people.

It won't be long before I can grow a real 'stache.

Just please leave my brows alone!

Smoke bomb!

Ninja?!

Huh. So much for your plan.

Luckily, I always have a Plan "B."

(snarling)

-Ninja fetching ball! -(squeaks)

(yelping)

(grunting)

-That was awesome. And so gross. -Get outta here.

Listen, I think maybe this Stache Society thing got a little out of...

Would you go?

-(pants) Oh! -Got him!

Not good.

This is it, Viceroy.

Can't be it.

Are you gonna de-mask him or not?

I'm savoring the moment.

(gasps)

-Ew! Oh, dear. -(Viceroy gasps)

The Ninja's got dog face.

Dog face? I lost control.

You can't tell who I am. This is perfect!

-Shave him. -(gulps)

(cackling)

Focus energy.

My McFuzz Buzzer!

I'm just gonna take a little off the top of your neck.

Beard block.

-'Stache slap. -(groans)

Ninja facial hair escape.

Sorry, McFist. Hair today, gone to...

I can't even finish that.

Smoke bomb.

I always hated this plan.

Howard, I did some heavy thinking last night, and I get what you were saying.

I'm the Ninja. That's my thing.

But when you got your own thing, I lost my cheese.

Hey, I'm sorry, man.

I guess we both learned something.

You're an inconsiderate shoob,

and never apply a fake moustache with McStick-It Mega Glue.

Wow, that's really stuck on there.

Wait. No. Don't you...

-(screams) -Oops.

I think I took a little lip with it.

(hip hop music blaring)

♪ Oh, yeah! I'm rappin' ♪

♪ I'm saying words while that guy makes funny mouth sounds ♪

♪ Rap, yeah, beat that! ♪

♪ Your rhymes is cold and runny, sad and unfunny ♪

♪ Like this plate of mashed potatoes, make a kid sick to his tummy ♪

-(students cheering) -(feedback whines)

What happened? Did we win?

Oh, my snap, that was awesome!

Rhymez is so cool. We gotta get in his crew.

Cunningham... Once again something mind-blowing happens

and you're in that stupid book.

This is why I don't read.

OK, OK. I got it.

Here goes. "Stay grounded, do not waver.

The dirt itself will pay you a favor.

To stop... uh, your enemies..."

Agh! I knew it was "foes." So close.

(exhales)

"Stay grounded, do not waver.

The dirt itself will pay you a favor.

To stop your foes and hold them back,

harness the soil for an Earth attack."

(grunting)

So honkin' Bruce!

"Words can be more powerful than the sword."

Words, really?

'Cause I've never stabbed a robo-lizard with a word.

-(loud rumbling) -Oh! Just saying. Whoa!

I'm up! I'm up. What did I miss?

Only everything.

You and I are joining Rudd Rhymez's posse.

Posse? OK, yeah, totally.

Let's posse. Just hand me the Nomicon and we'll...

Oh, no. Until we're in that crew, this book stays with me.

Howard, you know I can't let you do that. Give me the book.

I'll give you the book when you pry it from my cold, greasy hands.

Oops.

Aww. I was just about to get my drink on and my snack on.

Looks like the snack's on you. What-what!

Not cool, Tiny Timmy Scratch-It.

Hey, Rhymez. Randy Cunningham. 9th grader.

Listen, I'm so sorry about your hoodie, but that's my book.

-Your book? -Uh-huh. Sure is.

-See, my friend Howard... -That's me. Howard Weinerman.

Big fan. BTW, any openings in your posse?

What I'm trying to say, that's my book on your tray.

First you splatter me, then you rhyme at me?

No, that wasn't supposed to be a rhyme.

And I said I was sorry I covered you with slime.

Ahh! Accident. That was an accident.

Ooh, it is on like kettle corn.

You want your book? You're gonna have to battle me for it.

Yeah! Battle him, son.

You ain't in my crew.

Right.

Amphitheater. Ten minutes, punk!

Rap battle. What-what!

And when we're through, won't be nothin' left of your crew.

FYI. You're in his crew.

Your crew stinks, Cunningham.

Hey, you think my pants got enough sag?

Howard, I don't have time to worry about your sag.

I gotta break off some serious lyrics.

Quick, quick, quick, what rhymes with "economic downturn"?

I need saggier pants.

-(cheering) -What up, "N" to the "V"

to the Double "LE"?

Hizzle-dizzle me-casting live from "Word War One."

Maybe I should just ninja out and steal the book back.

No. If we don't show, we lose all the cred we have,

which might I remind you, is no cred.

We will have negative cred.

Give it up for the future losers...

my brothetic brother Howard and his bestie Rudy.

What's the name of your crew?

Uh... we're... uh...

-2 Live Shoob. -2 Live Shoob?!

Yeah, it sounded cooler in my head.

Aw, yeah. It's Rhymez times.

(hip hop music playing)

-Scratch it, Scratch-It. -(scratching record)

♪ You think you got mad flow, but you don't, bro ♪

♪ Drop the mike, let me go on with the show ♪

Yeah... Uh... yeah.

2 Live Shoob up in this piece.

You want the rhymes?

You can't handle the rhymes...

of... Randy Cunningham.

Here you go, buddy. I got 'em all warmed up for you.

(gulps)

Uh...

♪ My name is Randy and I'm here to say ♪

Uh...

-What are you here to say? -I don't know.

I'm blanking out.

Then why did you say, "You're here to say"?

We're dying up here.

And showing you the opposite of how it's done,

it's 2 Shoobs Lose.

"Words can be more powerful than the sword."

OK, I hear you, Nomicon.

Here we go... ♪ Yo yo-yo yo ♪

♪ Stay grounded, do not waver ♪

♪ The dirt itself will pay you a favor ♪

♪ To stop your foes and hold them back ♪

-♪ Harness the soil for an Earth attack ♪ -(cheering)

-Keep going. -That's all there is.

Then make something up. Flow, Cunningham. Flow!

Uh... OK, yeah.

♪ You thought I was defeated, overheated ♪

♪ But I'm coming back with my Earth attack ♪

♪ Slithering, sliding, making you squirm ♪

♪ You so small, you look up to a... ♪

-Howard, what rhymes with "squirm"? -Worm.

Oh, worm, that's great.

♪ Worm ♪ Yes! In your face, Rhymez.

That just happened.

-(roars) -Worm!

-(gasps) -(both scream)

(all screaming)

Oh, that's what it meant by "powerful."

I wanted to give you your book back, but I can't.

Because you're a buster.

And you rhyme like a buster, Buster.

(screaming)

It ate the Nomi... my math book.

And Timmy. That's bad too.

No, not Timmy.

He was probably gonna graduate this year.

I can't help noticing there's an opening in your posse.

Just think about it. That's all I'm asking.

Where'd that worm come from? McFist? The Sorcerer?

Could be, could be, but I think maybe I caused it.

Should have known. This is classic Cunningham.

I choked. I thought of the first rhyme that came into my head.

Yo, Cunningham. Don't even think you won, son.

You're lucky that worm came to the show, bro.

You'll pay when we get Timmy back, Jack.

Rhymez, can you stop rhyming for, like, one second?

Nothing can shut off my rhymes. I do it all the times.

(loud rumbling)

(Rhymez) Somebody turn in my book report!

(both) Hmm?

Cunningham, why did it just eat Rhymez and his crew?

I think it's defending me 'cause I conjured it.

Oh, so that's the Earth attack.

You really shoobed it this time.

Me? You're the one who lost the Nomicon in the first place.

Yes, but everything that happened after that is your fault.

-(rumbling) -(both grunt)

You got an entire rap crew swallowed by a giant worm.

Howard, stop yelling at me. The worm, remember?

(roars)

No, no, no, no, we're not fighting.

This is just a thing we do. We're pals.

It won't attack me, so just stay close and you'll be fine.

Oh! Nobody eats my crew.

Ninja worm snag. Yeah!

(spits)

Well, that was great.

Good thing I'm not allergic to dust.

Oh, wait, I am allergic to dust.

(sneezes) This should be a fun afternoon.

Really? Are you trying to get attacked by a worm?

Oh, right. (sneezes) Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

(distant moaning)

Ninja glow ball.

Big worm just swallowed me up.

Big worm... What-what!

Get us outta here now!

(screaming)

Time to put this worm on a hook.

(shouting, panting)

(roars)

(Rhymez babbling)

-What the juice?! -(roars)

Didn't work, Ninja.

I mean, big thumbs up

from this side of the cave.

"Words can be more powerful

than the sword."

Words, words. Earth attack.

If using "worm" in my rap made you, then...

To stop your foes and hold them back,

harness the soil for an Earth attack.

Time's getting tight, so gimme a hand.

To win this fight, I need warriors of sand.

Those are sand ninjas.

I call 'em Sandjas. Just made that up.

(grunting)

(roaring)

He keeps putting himself back together.

(Ninja) What if the pieces were too small

to put back together?

OK, Sandjas, not sure what this is gonna do,

but Sandja cyclone attack!

-(coughing) -(sneezes)

Looks like the early Ninja got the worm, huh?

That didn't really work.

Thank you, noble Sandjas.

You can go now.

You're done Earth attacking.

Hey, one question. If the Sandjas listen to you,

why didn't you just tell the worm to stop?

Smoke bomb!

I got my book back. All Rhymez wanted was a non-rhyming apology.

And I have to dry clean his hoodie.

You know, I learned a valuable lesson today.

Ninja spells are not to be used in freestyle rap battles.

It amazes me that you had to learn that lesson.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

Yo, C, we gonna do this or what?

Did you get us in the posse?

(laughs) Better.

Give it up for Rhymez and the Yo-Men,

-featuring 30 Seconds to Math. -(cheering)

You know how I got eaten by a giant worm?

You're forgiven.

What-what!

-♪ Back in black ♪ -♪ On the attack ♪

♪ On fire so hot, it'll singe a ninja ♪

(theme music playing)