Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ - (Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(grunting)

Hey, Ninja-nomicon.

Guess whose ridiculous waterfall challenge

is about to get got! Boom! Yours.

(shouting)

(groaning)

What? (shouting)

What does climbing a waterfall

have to do with kicking butt anyway?

I should be learning awesome fighting moves

like ultimate punches and ultimate kicks,

and ultimate kick-punches.

Hmm. Really?

(fish squeaking)

How am I gonna be a master ninja

if I spend all my time getting fish-slapped?

"The tiger who refuses to get his paws wet

catches no fish."

I don't want to catch fish, I want to punch them.

Not punch fish, I want to punch bad guys.

So to you I say, a cannonball.

I'm so sick of not getting straight answers from the Nomicon.

-(toilet flushing) -Sounds like you've got a McQuestion.

-A McWhat? -Allow me to McSplain.

Thanks to my new McFist Pad,

I have the entire Internet in my pocket.

Ask anything, anything at all. McFist Pad, go!

What does becoming a master ninja

have to do with wet tiger paws?

(McFist Pad) Searching. Master Ninja Tiger Paw.

(funky music playing)

(man) When you facing down a bunch of thugs from the hood,

you show 'em what's up with your Tiger Paw!

(yelling)

Brock Octane's Tiger Paw.

Is exactly the kind of straightforward

super Bruce move the Nomicon should be teaching me.

(toilet flushing)

The McFist Pad is way less confusing

than the Nomicon.

(McFist Pad) Don't forget to wash your hands.

-And it's hilarious. - ♪ McFist Pad, wow ♪

All right, Mr. Grumpy, it's me against you.

One of us is getting flushed.

And this time it's not gonna be me!

(straining)

That ain't the funny sound I'm used to hearing.

Upside down six?

Hey, I got that same number on the back of my football jersey.

You have arrived at your destination.

How did we ever find our lockers before McFist Pad?

I don't know and I don't wanna know.

Guess who's gonna be surprised when they find out

I've already mastered the Ninja Tiger Paw?

Here's a hint. It's square

with a little ninja in the middle,

and it's not in my backpack!

It's in here, it's gotta be in here.

Oh, man, it's not in here! I gotta find it.

Why? We have the McFist Pad now.

It's an 800-year-old book of secret ninja wisdom.

I don't have 800 years of secret wisdom, do you?

I have to get it back. To the bathroom!

I'll be here.

(gasping) Seriously?

My arch-enemy's stepson, are you kidding me?

(bell ringing)

(gasping)

Bash! Bash, what up, bro?

Hey, that book you found in the bathroom?

It's actually mine, and, um...

-What book? -Hmm?

-(yelling) What did you do with it?! -Get off of me!

I gave all my books to the homework-doing kid.

The one what does everybody's homework.

Homework-doing kid? Homework-doing kid.

Bucky! To the library.

(muttering) Ooh, that's nice.

Oh, that book looked like it had

non-school board approved ideas in it

so I gave it to the principal.

To the principal's office!

(muttering)

Oh, that book was too big for my Word Gobbler.

-(gasping) -So, I gave it to Coach Green

for flamethrower practice.

To the gym!

(muttering)

(shouting) No!

Nomicon. Is it really you?

McFist Pad suggested I check the Lost and Found.

And look who I found.

(laughs) How awesome is McFist Pad?

-♪ McFist Pad, wow ♪ - Naughty book.

I put you in the Lost and Found.

(Bash) Hey, my blinky buzzy book.

(gasping)

Ah! The sacred book of Ninja just got into McFist's limo.

You know what you gotta do now, right?

-Go get the Nomicon. -Go get some ice cream.

Right. You Nomicon, and me ice cream.

Want me to get you something?

(chuckling) Oh, right, right.

It'll melt. You go. Go.

I'll figure out this ice cream thing.

(grunting)

-Hey, monkey. -My name's Frank.

No. Your name's... (makes chimp sounds)

(laughing)

What you got there, papers?

Not anymore. (laughing)

Yo, Baldy! Your sock's untied.

(shouting)

(laughing)

You ain't even wearing socks.

-(Bash laughing) -What a shoob.

(whooshing)

-(rattling, whirring) -(giggling) Perfect.

Mmm.

Hey, guy who works for McFist.

I been looking for you.

So you want me to cover this beautiful antique book

with blinkers and buzzers? Why?

I'm gonna use it as a doorstop.

I like the door open when I poop.

TMI, Bash. Too much ickiness.

And I won't stand for it.

That boy can't tell me what to do.

I'm a world-class evil genius.

I could atomize him. I could protonize him.

I could tell his step-daddy.

Yep, evil genius.

Hannibal. A word?

Viceroy, I'm kind of in a meeting right now.

Ooh, that's a nice-looking doorstop you've got there.

Silence, you fools!

There is a Ninja to be destroyed.

(gasps) The Sorcerer.

No honkin' way!

Yeah, Viceroy, focus on that.

I'm just here about the doorstop.

That's no doorstop.

Oh, boy.

(muttering)

That's the Ninja-Nomicon!

And there it is.

What's he talking about?

It is the Ninja's book of ancient knowledge.

We can learn the secrets of his powers.

And his weaknesses.

Give me that!

(grunting)

Sir, let me take a whack at it.

Hang in there, Nomicon.

-(all shouting) -Enough of this!

I'll do it myself.

(muttering)

-(roaring) -(squeaking)

(both shouting)

Is that stank? What the juice?

(McFist shrieks)

(gasping)

(Randy) Oh, he's stanking up the pages!

Enough of that.

-It's Ninja time! -Ninja?

-Sorcerer. -Ninja?

-McFist. -Hello.

You've got something that belongs to me.

Ninja Snatch!

(groaning)

Destroy him!

Get ready to taste Ninja Tiger Paw.

(makes roaring sound)

-(all laughing) -Huh?

OK, so maybe the McFist Pad

isn't the best place to learn ninja moves.

Ha! What you don't know

is that Viceroy designed my office

for exactly this kind of confrontation!

Well, now he knows.

(shouting)

OK, no. No, I can do this.

It's just like climbing the old waterfall.

This is nothing like climbing the waterfall!

(grunts)

(shouting)

(chuckles) Ninja Dodge.

You're gonna have to do better than that...

(grunts) I take it back. That was pretty good.

You knocked me down with a big hammer.

Gut him!

I present to you... the Ninja!

Now, about my reward.

After centuries entombed in this filthy hole,

I will be free, and chaos will reign.

And my reward?

(squeaking)

(grunting)

The Nomicon did not prepare me for this.

"The tiger who refuses to get his paws wet

catches no fish."

We're way past wet paws here.

Why can't you teach me something useful!

(gasping)

"A ninja must master the art of stealth."

"Believe in the weapon that is in the suit."

Everything you've taught me is useful.

Sorcerer, the Ninja's been kicking your butt for 800 years,

and he'll be kicking it for 800 more.

(grunting) Ninja Air Kick!

What are you standing around for?

Attack! He's over there.

-Conceal. -Uh, where'd he go?

-Reveal. -Ah, now he's over there!

"Believe in the weapon that is in the suit."

(Sorcerer) Get him!

Feel my wrath!

Ninja Sprint!

"The best way to avoid an attack

is to avoid an attack."

(panting) What you got there, plate of cookies?

-Hey! -Not anymore.

My eatin' circles! (shouts)

(all laughing)

(gasps)

Ninja Tengu Fire Ball!

And then I sliced through the grate,

jumped out a window,

caught the 2:30 cross-town bus,

and here I am.

Wow! You are hardcore, Cunningham.

I would never take the bus.

You weren't the only one who had an epic afternoon.

McFist Pad and I took my grave punchin' to the next level, yo.

Check out these moves.

What are you doing?

I've gotta get my paws wet.

(grunts)

Nomicon, whatever you say. No matter how confusing

or stupid or ridiculous, I am in.

I'm all about getting my Master Ninja on.

Aw, the waterfall? Really?

-Again? -(thunder cracks)

I'm going.

(grunts) I so got this.

(grunts)

Come on, Nomicon. That all you got?

(Randy) Don't feel bad.

Who knew I could defeat 70 robo-apes?

I didn't even know! But now it's just you and I.

I think it's you and me.

Less grabbing, more stabbing!

(Randy exclaiming)

(muttering)

Oil-drinking baboons!

All a disgrace!

Help him!

But my leg came off. Whoa.

Oh! My leg came off. Boo-hoo!

Man, your boss is kind of a jerk.

It's his company. What can you do?

I wouldn't take it. I'd fight back.

But hey, that's just me.

Smoke bomb!

-You make me sick! -(exclaims)

I'd kick the rest of you, but I have somewhere to be.

(Randy whistling)

(video game music playing)

-(panting) -Sorry I'm late, Howard.

And because I almost made us miss the grand opening

of the Barf-A-Centauri,

I will pay for all your snacks as an apology.

You know I'm not actually late, right?

Apology accepted, Cunningham.

(McFist) I don't know where I was

when I came up with the idea

to build the most puke-tastic coaster in history.

I know I was at the day spa getting a mud pack and a facial

when I came up with it.

But the important thing is, I did.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

"Mission to Barf-A-Centauri!"

(all cheering)

Hannibal McFist can do no wrong!

You know he just tried to kill me, right?

OK, so he can do a little wrong.

And joining us for the inaugural blast-off,

Norrisville's favorite space monkey,

Neil Apestrong.

(all cheering)

(chittering)

I'm apestrong nuts for Apestrong!

(robo-ape) Bad enough getting your head taken off by the Ninja.

But then to have your butt chewed out by McFist.

He's the boss. What can we do?

(Randy) I'd fight back. I'd fight back.

I'd fight back.

Ninja is right. We have to fight back.

If we stop working,

business would grind to a halt.

Today, we bring McFist to his knees.

Today, we strike.

(all) Strike!

(ringing)

Strike, strike!

(all screaming)

(all shouting) Strike!

(Marci) Look at that adorable monkey.

He's having the time of his life.

Yeah! That popped ape face!

(Howard) We are about to barf at six G's, Cunningham.

Six G's!

To think we will have achieved something so great,

at such a young age.

So I said to myself, "Willem, what's it matter if no one knows

-you created Barf-A-Centauri? -(snoring)

As long as you get to ride it."

What's up with the robo-apes?

(all chanting) Strike!

(Randy) They're walking off the job.

Oh, my ninja, they're on strike!

You know, I'm the one who told them to stand up for themselves.

-That was me. -(both grunting)

(Howard) What's going on with the ride?

Yo, McFist. This thing stinks.

I didn't puke at all!

Where do you think you're going?

(all chanting) Strike!

(groaning) Hang on, folks.

We'll have you puking momentarily.

We're experiencing a minor malfunction.

-Oh, that's no malfunction. -(snoring)

Those robo-apes are in Strike Mode.

Strike Mode! Why on earth would you give them a Strike Mode?!

The more important question is,

why would they use Strike Mode?

No. I think the important question

is why would you give it to them?!

Somebody must have put the idea in their heads

that they're being treated poorly.

Cunningham, thanks to you,

we're not gonna get to ride the Barf-A-Centauri.

You have to fix this!

Why would I fix it?

If the robo-apes are on strike,

they're not coming after the Ninja.

I drank a yellow McHyper-Slush,

and ate a bag of blue McSwizzlers.

I'm not leaving until I spew green.

I would love to see that.

(both) Looks like I got a strike to stop.

Commander, will you sign my butt?

(chittering)

(all chanting) Fist is a McMeanie!

(Randy) Smoke bomb!

OK, robo-apes, you're angry, I get it.

But there's a boy up there with a dream

to puke off a rollercoaster,

and there's another boy with a dream

of watching that first boy's dream come true.

The only thing crushing those dreams is you.

But you said fight back.

After you run the coaster.

I mean, come on. Is McFist really that bad?

Get back to work, you knuckle-dragging refrigerators!

And somebody destroy the Ninja!

My cyber-simian brothers,

it is time to activate...

...Ape Mode!

Ape Mode? What's Ape Mode?

(all screeching)

Oh, Ape Mode.

Yeah, this is bad.

(screeching)

(laughing)

There's only one thing to do.

-Run! -Fight!

Please let that be chocolate ice cream.

And I'm saying, once I've puked my guts out,

I'll take the controls so you can toss your cookies.

How do I know I can trust you?

A situation like this requires a certain faith in humanity.

OK, deal.

Why did you give them Ape Mode?!

You're gonna fix that, right?

(exclaims)

Fix it yet?

I'm trying to,

but some kid won't stop talking to me.

You want me to say something to him?

(shouting)

(shouting)

-There's too many of them. -(McFist) You.

Banana-eating, oil-drinking baboons.

But wait a second. They're mad at McFist.

Only he could stop this.

(groans) I have to ask McFist for help?

Go on. Have your little uprising.

Nothing you do can hurt me!

-(Marci) Hannibal! -(Bash) My cotton candy!

-Don't hurt Marci! -Hannibal!

And the kid. Can't forget Bash.

Help! Need some help here!

Not from you! Anybody else. Help!

I'm not crazy about this either, McFist.

But innocent people are in danger.

(Marci screaming)

Fine. Just get it over with!

Hi-ya!

It ain't pretty,

but this way we can ride together.

Join me for an inaugural puke.

Sorry, gents. We need that coaster.

Oh, come on!

-(Marci screaming) -(roaring)

Ninja Snatch!

Thanks, Ninja.

Aw, I wanted to sit in the front seat.

OK, they're safe, but this isn't over.

-(all shouting) -(growling)

It's time to apologize.

Can't you just stab 'em or something?

No, we can't stab... They're mad at you.

The only way to end this is for you to say you're sorry.

With words.

(all screaming)

Just say it.

Hannibal McFist doesn't apologize.

-(roaring) -OK, fine.

Handle it your way.

OK, OK.

(McFist) Sometimes I say things,

and sometimes those things are hurtful.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...

(muttering)

So that's not a word.

Yeah, all right, fine.

I'm sorry, OK?

(roaring)

Help, help!

I don't get it.

I really thought that was gonna work.

(shouting)

(all chittering)

Ape Mode. They only understand monkey speak.

We need someone who speaks monkey speak!

Apestrong. Norrisville needs you.

-(chittering) -Yes, again.

Tell the robo-apes McFist is sorry,

and he'll never yell at them again.

(yelling) Yes, I'll never yell again!

(roaring)

-(chittering loudly) -(all chittering)

Apology accepted.

(all screaming)

(sobbing)

Whoops.

-(ringing) -(roaring)

McFist Industries.

How may I direct your call?

(vomiting)

Nice working with you, Commander.

(chittering)

(groaning) What?

You're welcome. Smoke bomb!

I never said thank you!

-Yeah! -Viceroy.

You're not riding anything until you remove Strike Mode,

Ape Mode, and any other ridiculous modes

-from the robo-apes. -(clearing throat)

Even Brownie Hound Suck-Up Mode?

Keep that one for when I'm feeling blue.

(groaning)

I will barf for you!

Oh, I see how it is. I'm gone for five minutes,

and you got a new puking pal?

(Howard) Really wanna go there, Cunningham? 'Cause technically,

you already rode this thing without me.

(Randy) It was official Ninja business. I didn't even enjoy it.

Although turn three is the cheese.

You're ruining it again!

(shouting)

-(vomiting) -So beautiful!

(theme music playing)

(music ends)