Original subtitles

-♪ Go, Ninja! ♪ -(Randy) I was chosen

to protect my school from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja. I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(laughter)

Quit laughing, Cunningham.

OK, stop. OK, OK, stop.

If our video is Heidi's hot pick of the day,

we will be bonafide Internet celebrities.

Bonafide!

(panting) Right. Let me get into character.

OK, ready.

(Randy) Gut Check, take one.

It's over the dog house. Explodes the bottle.

tips the trash cans, releases the catapult,

launches the monkey wrench, here it comes.

(shouting)

(Howard) Gut Check!

That's right, peep diddlies.

Gut Check is H. Dub's hot pick of the day.

Congrats to my normally useless brother

and his biffer tandy who just knocked Accordion Dave

and Concertina Kitty out of the top spot.

Me-ouch!

(hissing)

-(yowls) -Oh, boy.

I'm never going to hear the end of this.

You guys are hilarious.

I literally L.'d O. L. Literally.

You guys were funny. Especially when you got hit in the guts.

(all cheering)

Mission accomplished, Cunningham.

We're Net-lebrities!

Uh, I think you mean celebri-Webs.

All I know is, once you're famous on the Internet,

you're famous forever.

Before we shut down, here's today's What The Huh?

-(voices) Huh? -This head scratcher

comes courtesy of our exchange student du jour,

Jacques.

(man crying)

(distorted bark)

(woman speaking in French)

-(crickets chirping) -(both grunt)

That movie made me have feelings.

I hate having feelings! Get him!

(French accent) My first American-style wedgie.

Well, I'm off to lunch. (chuckles)

Gonna see what kind of VIP line-cutting

this new found fame will get me.

Howard, wait. We can't let Jacques suffer

just because he made a super-lame video.

Can't forget our roots.

Bash, settle.

Jacques mean you no harm.

You guys are famous,

which means I gotta do what you tell me.

This I do not understand.

Bash did not enjoy my docu-poem?

Jacques, you're not from here.

So you don't know what makes a video... (whistles)

And what makes a video... (raspberry)

-You follow? -Ah, oui, oui!

I would like to learn the meaning of your many sounds.

We're about to shoot our next video.

You should come along.

Oui. I will bring my video camera

to document your cinema film.

And I will bring the balls to hit Howard in the guts.

And I will bring the guts.

Allow me to explain our secret recipe

for chart-topping vids. One part funny characters.

Baron von Bananas.

A dash of intriguing setting.

Kiddie pool full of chocolate pudding.

And a pantload of guys getting hit in the guts.

You can't go wrong with a classic.

Mix all that together and you got us.

We are the secret sauce that we put in every clip.

Oui?

Well, we are...

(scoffs) This guy's here for five minutes

and he thinks he's part of our "I" posse.

So I must ask myself.

What is the secret of Jacques' sauce?

Exactly. Now don't feel bad

if it doesn't come right away.

We are comedy geniuses.

(gasps)

Cunningham, where's my gorilla head?

(exclaims)

(grunting)

Not to worry, my new BFF friends.

Jacques will save you!

(distorted) What the juice?

That just happened. H. Dub's hot pick of the day.

Maybe the year.

(all cheering)

Howard, is it even possible to be bigger

than an Internet celebrity?

I think we're about to find out.

Remember, stay humble, Cunningham.

(both) Hmm?

Where'd you learn those sweet moves?

I literally would date you. Literally.

Randy, Howard. I found my secret sauce.

It is the jumping off of things.

They actually liked that better than us.

We used our Net-librity to create a new celebri-Web

who isn't us!

In my country, the babies are taught

first to walk on the hands,

then on the feet. N'cest-ce pas?

When can we scope more of your amazing skills?

Well, since you are loving my secret sauce so much,

I am happy to do a demonstration after the school.

After school, live.

Jacques jumps off a bunch of stuff.

It is on!

His secret sauce is jumping off of things?

If only we knew someone as good as Jacques

at unnecessary flipping and superfluous wall-running.

Howard, you're right.

It's time we bring in the big guy.

Awesome! I'll call my cousin Vic.

I know you're not crazy about him,

but sweet cheese, that kid can flip.

Oh, the Ninja. Yeah, that works.

(all cheering)

Jacques, all of the Internet is watching.

Anything you want to say?

I hope my secret sauce will show the world

that any obstacle life throws at you

can be flipped over, jumped off,

or doven through.

Mademoiselle Heidi,

please take my camera,

and capture the art I am about to make.

-Ready when you are. -And now, I begin.

(music begins playing)

(exclaiming)

Voila!

(all chanting) Jacques!

(Randy) Smoke bomb!

(exclaiming)

(all chanting) Ninja!

Ninja! Welcome to my Internet.

Oh, no. Allow me to welcome you

to my Internet.

Try to keep up.

(all chanting) Ninja!

(laughs) A flip-off, is it?

(all chanting) Jacques!

(groaning)

(car alarms)

Ninja just showed Jacques how we jump off of stuff

in the 'Ville.

But the jumping is my sauce.

It has been great flipping for you, everybody.

Smoke bomb!

But Ninja stole my secret sauce,

and humiliated moi in front of my own camera.

Do you smell that?

It is the scent of humiliation.

No. (sniffing)

Imported humiliation.

It pairs nicely with a side of this.

(squeaking)

(laughing) You totally schooled Jacques.

-I did, didn't I? -Totally.

You think maybe it was a little too...

Harsh? Oh, yeah.

You destroyed him in front of everyone.

(sighs)

I should apologize, shouldn't I?

What? No! Don't apologize.

Look, I'm no Ninja-nomicon,

but the Ninja shouldn't have to apologize

-because he's awesome! -You're right.

You are no Ninja-nomicon.

(whimpering)

Look, Jacques. It occurs to me

that maybe I possibly could have a little bit humiliated you.

(groaning)

Oh, don't do that. There is no need for that.

(growling)

(all shouting)

(Howard) Action.

Thanks, Ninja.

Also, action!

Look, if I didn't say it before, I'm officially sorry.

Now we're making a movie.

Taste my sauce!

How about I give you a taste of...

...my Ninja tripping balls!

(both exclaiming)

Gonna need you to do that again.

Thought I was recording. Wasn't.

Kinda contemplating de-stankage here.

(Jacques) Super.

Howard, the camera. I have to destroy it.

No way. I haven't finished filming the fight.

This thing's guaranteed to be H. Dub's pick of the decade!

(shouts)

That is my camera!

Uh, Jacques took the camera.

I need that camera.

Never!

Ho, ho! Right in the guts.

Ninja Stomp!

Totally planned that.

(groaning)

Curse you, Ninja!

Shame to waste a good vintage.

(squeaks)

Hi-ya!

(grunts) Thanks, Ninja.

My tender parts were starting to chafe.

It's why I do what I do.

Howard, I have to make this up to Jacques.

And you're gonna help me.

(baby crying)

(clock ticking)

(baby continues crying)

(clock chimes)

(heart beating)

(chiming)

(bird squawking)

(sheep bleating)

(elephant trumpeting)

(horn honks)

That worked on every level.

And now we can all see why H. Dub's pick of the day...

Celebri-Webdom, we're back.

...is Accordion Dave with a new partner...

Aw, Percussion Possum.

What is this?

We lose to a rodent on the drums?

How is this possible?

-(laughing) -It's a possum.

On the drums!

And he's got perfect rhythm.

Your Internet makes no sense.

(Randy groans) This might be the most boring week ever.

No monsters, no robots, no reason to Ninja out.

The only thing getting me through this week

is the big championship!

Yes! I cannot wait

to see Norrisville destroy Flackville in...

Uh, what sport is this again?

Not a clue. But whatever it is,

we're getting our fan on.

-(grunts) -Easy-teasy here,

bringing you the deets on the big championship.

N-Ville has destroyed those Flat-wads 11 years running

and now we're about to make it an even dozen.

On your mark, get set. Chess!

-(both) Chess? -Shhh!

(timer ticking)

(muffled coughing)

(whispering) This is the most boring week ever.

(slurping)

Oh, this is the most boring week ever.

No break-ups, no burn-outs, no blunders.

Everyone has been disgustingly gloom-free.

Fortunately, McFist has assured me

he has a plan guaranteed

to crush the school's school spirit.

-(laughing) -(squeaks)

Look at them, Viceroy.

Not a clue that we're about to ruin their afternoon.

-I love it! -Shhh.

You shush!

I have to admit, sir. Replacing the Flackville player

with my unbeatable Chess Bot 5000

was a stroke of above average for you.

Your robot better be as good as you say it is.

Oh, he's good.

He's been programmed with every chess move ever played.

-(sighs) -(Randy) Am I missing something?

How could our entire school love this?

Seriously. It's like the easiest game ever.

All he's got to do is put the castle thingy

next to the horsey thingy,

and the guy in the pointy hat can't do anything.

I mean, am I the only one who's seeing this?

Howard, I know you better than anyone,

and you don't know the first thing about chess.

Look who's talking now? Chess wing!

Who are you?

Whoo-hoo!

-(McFist laughing) -(Viceroy snickering)

-McFist! -(both giggling)

Finally, some action. Let's do this.

Hooray! Go Norrisville!

Oh, even my enemies are boring.

What are you doing?

Pointy top jumps roundhead and you got him!

(groans) This is ridiculous.

I'll be in the Ninja-nomicon.

(grunts) Nomi-con.

Please tell me you got something exciting for me to do.

I'm about to lose my cheese out there.

Huh?

(exclaims)

(gasping)

Balls. Balls.

Look at all those beautiful balls.

Another wahoo bites the dust.

Only one match stands between the chess-bians

and a record 12 wins.

We so got this. Debbie "Dominator" King

is about to destroy...

Huh? Steve Riley.

Norrisville, prepare to feel the wrath of Steve Riley!

Any way you say it, it just doesn't sound that scary.

(mechanical whirring)

(cracking knuckles)

(timer ticking)

(all gasping)

(Randy chattering)

Bowl it.

In your face, turtle!

I'm calling that one "Ninja Hot Ball."

Uh-oh! Ninja Cold Balls.

Nomicon, you know exactly how to cheer me up.

"To underestimate your enemy is to invite your defeat."

Underestimate enemy, invite defeat.

Cool, yeah, just one question.

What the juice do these green ones do?

-(sizzling) -Whoa!

Ninja Electro-Balls!

(Riley) Checkmate.

(shrieking)

W. T. Juice.

Dominator King was our chess-sassinator.

-Bum city. -(all groaning)

(all gasping)

-Checkmate. -(sobbing)

(all sobbing)

(all straining)

-(giggling) -Ahh!

I can't believe it. It worked.

My plan worked!

Who's the genius now, Viceroy?

Still me.

All you had to do was branch your pony

two L's to the right, and you would have had him!

Why do I yell this stuff out if nobody's gonna listen?!

And what do you do?

-(buzzing) -Ah, bees!

That's a Ninja Bee Ball.

(shouting)

"To underestimate your enemy is to invite your defeat."

That's great advice. I'll keep that in mind.

For when something's actually happening.

(thunder cracking)

(shouting)

(maniacal laughter)

(screaming)

(whimpering)

Howard, you will not believe what I just saw in the Nomicon.

Uh, everyone was monstered out in a epic stake apocalypse?

No... Yeah, how did you know?

(all shouting)

(girl screaming)

Eh, what do you say we watch from outside?

(all whimpering)

(roaring)

Yeah, week's not so boring now, is it, Cunningham?

I can handle this. No problem.

Just gotta figure out what to destroy,

-so I can de-stank 'em. -(Howard) Mm-hmm.

(Randy) The trophy. Gotta be it.

Howard, it's Ninja o'clock.

Ho, ho. It is way past Ninja o'clock.

I am awash in chaos.

Each scream brings me closer to freedom.

(laughing)

Smoke bomb!

(exclaiming)

Dancing fish.

Why'd it have to be dancing fish?

(screaming)

There's something weird about you.

Don't know what it is.

But there is something weird about you.

Ninja Cold Balls!

Looks like I put your routine on ice.

If you weren't frozen you totally would have appreciated that.

Ninja Electro-Balls!

Ninja Bee Ball!

(buzzing)

Open up. It's the Ninja.

Forget it.

Come on, there's monsters out here!

And bees. A lot of bees.

(Randy exclaiming)

I need your trophy.

But we won!

And let me be the first to congratulate you.

You really did it. Ninja Trophy Slash!

I'm sorry I had to do that.

But you'll understand when I open this door,

and everyone has returned to normal.

(all growling)

-(grumbling) -OK, this is bad.

Just gonna wing it.

(screaming)

Huh?

Got kinda a lot going on here.

(Howard) I think I know how Flackville won.

Uh-huh, yeah, OK.

Steve Riley is a chess-playing McFist-bot

designed to beat Norrisville. Mm-hmm.

Which bummed everyone out,

allowing the Sorcerer to stank them. Wow.

That is a serious plan. Hold on one second.

And I'm back.

So the slashing the trophy? Big, fat goose egg.

-(shrieking) -Ninja Slipping Balls.

How are you gonna de-stank the school?

Everyone thought Norrisville couldn't lose.

We underestimated our enemy.

When we lost, everyone got stanked.

So to de-stank, we have to win.

Howard, we have to beat Flackville.

I'll do it.

But all of our players are monsters.

Uh, hello.

I totally get this dumb game.

Yes, that's it! That guy can play.

-Hey, buddy. -(roaring)

No, he's a monster. That's a monster too.

Tell you what. You fight that thing,

I'll go save the school.

Hey, Steve.

Your move.

(grunting)

Hey, where you going?

Howard?

Anybody here know what's happening? 'Cause I don't get this game at all.

-(both) Shhh! -(sizzling)

Why is your robot sweating?

That boy's playing crazy chess.

Chess Bot isn't programmed for that.

Ha!

Oh, you took my pointy diagonal guy.

Uh, but you totally missed my only-can-go-straight guy.

Chess mate!

You mean, checkmate!

Yeah, whatever. I win!

(all cheering)

(all chanting) Howard!

(Randy) Ninja Hot Balls!

It's not a big deal. It's what I do, I'm a Ninja.

Seriously? I had like, two seconds of glory.

And you earned it. Smoke bomb.

No. No!

(shouting) No!

I underestimated my enemy, and he would have defeated me,

if it wasn't for you.

Wow. That is an ugly trophy.

Hey, kid. You saved the day.

No. We saved the day.

(gasps) And why do you get the bigger half?

Because I saved the day more.

The juice you did!

The juice I didn't!

(both arguing)

(theme music playing)