Original subtitles

♪ Go, ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb ♪

Mr. Weinerman, how in the name of industrial food service,

did you single-handedly perpetrate the worst caf-atastrophe

since the meat slide of '02?

I'd be happy to explain... and once you've heard me out

I think you'll agree, this was not my fault.

Sorry sir, just one moment.

What part of "while you're up there,

could you get me some extra cheese" led to this?

I admit, it was an unlikely series of events.

But check it, I'm about to drop an awesome excuse on Slimmers.

You've done epic damage here. Like, more than usual.

I think it's safer if I handled this one.

-But my excuse! -(tsking) Trust me, trust me!

Principal Slimowitz, Randy Cunningham for the defense.

And I rest my case. You're welcome.

Wow, I can't believe I was going to give

Howard a week's detention for that.

The important thing is I showed up and explained everything.

Based solely on your explanation,

and no other evidence, I'm sending Mr. Weinerman to Detention Island.

You can't send him to Detention Island.

-What's Detention Island? -I have no idea.

You're probably thinking,

"Sending a bunch of kids to a former top-secret military prison

to face punishments tailored to their crime sounds a teensy bit crazy."

Sounds a teensy ton-crazy.

But it's school board approved, so don't forget your sunscreen.

He was going to give me a week's detention.

A week!

Next time you want to help...

don't help!

Howard doesn't mean that. I mean, he's saying it, but he doesn't mean it.

OK NinjaNomicon, I may be partially

or completely responsible for getting Howard into this mess.

The question is, how do I get him out?

(shouting)

(grunts)

(groans) Oh, it's a dragon!

-(growls) -(Randy yells)

"Let the warrior who holds the weapon fight the battle"

Huh? Warriors.

Who's going to fight him, huh? Which one of you guys?

Mallet-guy, Stabby-guy,

Sai-guy or girl, or Arrow-man?

Arrow-man!

That's it! I hold the weapon!

(gasps) I'm the warrior!

I can't let Howard fight this battle.

The ninja has to fight it!

(heroic music plays)

Seen it.

-Seen it... Seen it. -(channels changing)

(grunts)

That was a rough sanding!

(chuckles) Beach-zing!

Oh, Hensletter?

How'd a shoob like you get detention?

I skipped science class to watch a daylight meteor shower.

It was a flock of geese, they pooped on me.

(laughs) He said "geese."

Bash is here. Sweet.

Morgan is here.

Sweet!

Whatever.

Welcome to Detention Island,

I'm the Disciplinarian.

Please to meet you...

Pshaw! He tried to shake hands with a movie.

(grunting)

You're all here because you got in trouble. Oh, sad face.

That's why I'm giving you the chance to redeem yourselves.

This island has cooked up some challenges based on your oopsies!

Skipping class,

shaking your booty in a no-booty-shaking zone.

Uh-uh, no girl.

Cheating... At gym?!

And causing a caf-atastrophe?

Whatever the heck that is.

Get to the air pad on Detention Mountain and that's it...

You're done. Oh, and one other thing...

I really hate cheaters. So don't do that, OK?

-(alarm sounding) -Huh?

(gasps)

(groans)

How's it going?

You smuggled a ninja onto the island with you?

That's cheating!

Cheaters get the maximum punishment.

Welcome to Detention Island!

(Randy) You're not thinking about this the right way.

Now you have a ninja to help you on Death-tention Island.

If you weren't here it wouldn't be Death-tention Island!

You skipped science, Bucky!

Time for a make-up exam!

And just to make sure you don't get any help...

(Bucky whimpers) I'm not good with heights!

Name the three main rocks found on this island.

-I should know it now. -He's gonna choke!

-I gotta help! -Let him handle this.

But NinjaNomicon says I have the weapons, I fight the battles.

-You have five seconds. -I know this.

Allow me, befuddled student.

The three main rocks on this island are

ninja ring, ninja ring, and ninja ring!

Ha! He tried to ninja ring a movie.

Guys, I warned you about cheating.

You fail!

(all shouting)

Classmate save!

Whoo! It's a close one, right guys?

-(bats screeching) -(all shout)

(Randy) Something bad is about to happen.

What was your first clue? Cave? Bats? Scary organ music?

Hey, look who it is! The cheaters.

Morgan, for unauthorized booty shaking,

we were going to have a little dance off.

You know, teach you a lesson, get some exercise...

but since you can't help cheating,

you're going to dance for your life!

-(dance beat plays) -Welcome to my Rave Cave.

(vocoded) Match my moves while I drop that beat.

One wrong step and you'll be flat.

B-flat... (laughs) Musical zing!

Private Beats! Drop it like it's hot.

Don't worry, I'll save you!

Please, I so got this. I was born on a dance floor.

Literally. Whoa.

(dance music plays)

Turn around and snap it.

(music speeds up)

(screams)

(tempo increases)

-(buzzing) -Uh...

I gotta get in there.

That is Morgan's punishment. Let her handle it.

OK, I would... but as holder of the weapon I must fight this battle.

(grunts) Let me take a stab at it...

Ninja Private B-Flat!

Cheater!

(gasps)

(Morgan yells)

Ninja Air Bass!

(grunts) Everyone, quick! Squeeze through my crack!

Out of my way! I'm the first one in the crack!

I'm not touching that zing.

(shouting)

I'm putting that one in the win column. Who's with me?

I hate to even suggest this,

but are you trying to kill us?

I'm the ninja. I help you.

You. Perhaps you could explain to your friends how awesome I am.

Oh, no. I'm with them.

Your help got me here in the first place.

But I have the weapons. I mean, look at them!

I got a sword, I got a sai!

I got a this thing! I don't even know what this thing is.

What the juice? I'm doing exactly what the Nomicon said.

(all shouting)

-(laughing) -What's going on here?

Well, Bash was going to have to shoot an arrow at a target,

but since you've been "helping us"

Captain Punishment decided to do this!

Hey! I'm having an idea!

Bash, please, I'll handle this.

No! I want to hear Bash's idea.

Why can't you just let people do what they're good at?

But the Nomicon told me to help you.

It said, "Let the warrior who holds the weapon fight the battle."

Oh, you are the warriors. You all held the weapons.

I should've let you fight your own battles.

OK, Bash, what's your idea?

Oh, I lost it! No, wait, I found it.

It was right here in my thinking muscle the whole time!

I don't want to do this.

Re-thinking things up! A little bit this way... Now back that way.

Just a skosh! Perfect! Fire!

(screaming)

I'm of help!

Noble warrior, we are saved thanks to your plan.

What plan? I just wanted to launch a nerd! He really flew, didn't he?

(grunts)

We made it! Hurray!

That was intense.

Everybody to the dirigible!

No! Cheaters don't leave the island.

Relax, he's only a hologram.

Cheater!

No. No, he's a robot. He is all robot.

This one hasn't been punished yet.

I... This whole day's been one big punishment.

I hold the weapon. I fight the battle!

Ninja Arm Slice!

Howard, run!

Time to punish the Disciplinarian.

(screams)

(grunting) Ninja dodge!

Dodge!

-Uh oh! -(cackling)

Oh...

Eat lava!

(coughing)

Detention is dunzo.

I just got a call from EPS saying you destroyed Detention Island!

You're all in a lot of trouble!

-(groans) -Why don't you take this one, Big H?

(clearing throat) Principal Slimowitz?

Once you've heard me out, I think you'll agree

this was not our fault.

(laughs) Wow!

That was a lot of words you just said,

and they've convinced me that none of this was your fault.

-Mm-hm. -(all cheering)

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to cancel a lease on an island.

Next time we get in trouble,

I will definitely let you do the talking.

Forget it. I'm not doing anything to get in trouble ever again.

Hey fellas, I gotta hit the can.

Could you keep an eye on this barrel of pudding?

Whatever you do, do not get it near the jet engine.

Cool? Cool.

See you in detention?

See you in detention.

(fight grunting)

(Randy) Looking for me?

Listen, Pradeep, it's Gravy Friday in the caf,

so it'd be aces if we could wrap this up like now.

(grunting)

(shouting)

Gotta make some room for gravy fries!

Better take a Mr. Grumpy!

Ninja Horn Slap!

-Huh? -Hyah!

I'm uncomfortable around curly things.

I'm going to straighten it.

Huh? That's weird.

But hey, Gravy Friday is not the day to look a 3D-Stankin' in the mouth.

Smoke bomb!

(coughs)

Bash Johnson? You vanquished the monster!

I wouldn't call it a monster. I've taken bigger ones.

One day a year, the lunch lady scrapes the grease traps

into a chunky meaty mudslide of yum.

Today is that day.

Gravy fries, prepare to be in my mouth!

(gasps)

Who? What? When? Where? Why?

How?!

(belching)

In my defense, gravy fries.

And I counter with, "How could you do this to your best friend?!"

Relax. Just get back in line.

(Randy groans)

I could really use a change of subject right now.

Bash Johnson is the ninja!

-Jackpot! -(all gasp)

Yay! Bash-a-ray!

What are you lookin' at?

(laughs) Come on!

Oh, I have not laughed this hard in a long time.

Eh, wait? You guys actually believe that Bash is the ninja?

Bash? Bash.

O.M. Wowzers! Totally makes sense.

Yeah, being a butthead is the perfect cover for the ninja.

All year I've been getting wedgies from a hero.

-What an honor! -Did you know about this?

Sorry, got caught up in the hoopla.

Bash is the ninja? I'm Bash.

That means... I'm the ninja?

-I'm the ninja! (whooping) -(all cheering)

(growling)

There's a strange mix of jubilation and gravy in the air today.

What have we here?

Smoke bomb!

Pleased to meet you, Ninja!

(laughing)

This is bad, Howard.

You're not the one running laps on two baskets of gravy fries.

A, one of those baskets was mine.

And b, I'm talking about everybody thinking Bash is the ninja.

Keeping the ninja's identity a secret is Nomicon 101.

Trust me, something wonk is going to happen to Bash.

-Huh? -If Y equals 2...

-Then X equals... poo! -(students laugh)

Poo is correct! A+ for the ninja!

Oh... are you kidding me?

♪ Bash! Bash! He's Bash Johnson ♪

♪ Turns out he's a ninja and he's better than you ♪

♪ Bash! Bash! He's Bash Johnson ♪

♪ Turns out he's a ninja and he's better than you... ♪

That's right, that's right...

I'm the ninja.

Bow down before me.

Hmm.

(Hannibal) I'm a super villain, Viceroy.

I should not be helping my wife select bedroom furniture for my stepson!

Hannibal, just pick a bed.

Which one would Bash like better? Rocket ship or race car?

Ooh, sign me up for "enchanted castle!"

-McFist! -(all yelp)

A fascinating piece of information has come into my possession.

The ninja's true identity.

Wow. Kind of blindsided me with that one.

With this knowledge, you can finally destroy the ninja.

Destroy, of course. Right away!

(woman giggling) Hannibal, the decorator's here!

Uh... Just one second, sugar balls.

-What are you waiting for?! -What are you waiting for?!

Emergency McExtermination Protocol!

But sir, once activated the McXP cannot be stopped for any reason.

-Just do it! -OK.

(woman) Hannibal? Now.

Coming. Coming!

Look, I got a thing to do...

Handle this. I'll be back in time to destroy the ninja.

-Hmm. -Behold...

The true face of the ninja!

Do you mind? I can't see.

Destroy him and I will be free!

(chuckling)

Please tell me you saw that.

We got it.

See, punching is fun. But kicking... that's real fun.

Ninja? Got a little treat for you.

Found some extra gravy between the fryer and the wall.

Oh, gravy fries... my tongue's wicked happy right now.

-Mm... Oh yeah... -(whimpers)

What the juice, NinjaNomicon?

I thought revealing my identity would be bad, but clearly it's awesome.

I mean, I'm the ninja. I should be getting parades and statues and gravy fries.

Where's my gravy fries?

"Once the ninja is known,

he can never be unknown."

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

I've been unknown for too long.

Time to let Norrisville know who the real ninja is.

(dance music plays)

This is the best ninja show I've seen in a long time.

No offense.

(gasps) What are you doing?

I'm grabbing life by the gravy fries.

OK, everybody to class! Except you, ninja.

-You do whatever you want. -Cool!

I'm going to go nap in your office.

(gasps)

Sweet dreams.

Hey! Get out of the ninja's way!

I was about to tell you the same thing.

That's very confusing. What are you...

We got the ninja.

-What happened to Bash? -Something bad.

I knew it. Revealing your identity is dangerous.

That's exactly why I didn't do it.

Hm.

OK, OK. I was going to do it, but I didn't. So let's move on.

-Shouldn't you... -I'm going, I'm going.

Ninja-Chain-tacle!

Hm? Don't worry Bash. The real ninja's coming.

Even though you did eat his gravy fries.

I don't get it. For that kind of money,

a decorator should tell you more than, "Paint the walls blue."

Everything's ready to go.

Just waiting for the Robo-Apes to deliver the ninja.

-They're here. -They're here!

Time to exterminate the ninja!

Robo-Apes, before you vaporize him.

Let me get a look at his weasely little ninja face.

Better get the Sorcerer on the horn.

It was... (yells)

Hang up! Hang up!

-Hm? -Hey, thanks for the ride home!

-Our pleasure. -Bash is the ninja?

Impossible! There is no way my stepson

has thwarted every evil scheme I've ever hatched.

If Marcy finds out I've vaporized her son...

Let's just say, it's not good. Shut it down!

I told you once you initiate the McExtermination Protocol

there's no shutting it down.

Why would you build it like that?

-You told me to. -Why did you listen to me?!

This is making my toes sweat!

He's not the ninja!

You also told me to make it sound proof.

(yelling)

Hey Larry, where ya been?

In the can again? (laughs)

Larry! What's gotten into you?

Uh-oh, why are you wearing Larry?

Because once the ninja is known, he can never be unknown.

And if you'd known it was me, you would've never let me in.

Processing. Processing...

No! Ninja Surprise Rescue!

Still processing.

Bash, I'm here to save you.

I'm the ninja. I'm here to save you!

So Bash isn't the ninja, but the Robo-Ape is the ninja.

Oh boy, this one has gone off the rail.

-(shouting) -(gasps)

Must exterminate all ninjas.

-Bring it on! -(grunts)

(grunting) Robo-Apes are really heavy...

Hey Robot-Monkey! I'm gonna kick you in the mouth!

-Ninja Blitz! -Ow.

Get me down from here! I'm hungry.

(Randy grunts)

(whooping)

Ninja, thanks for saving Bash.

Why don't you stick around so I can destroy you!

Some other time, McFist. Smoke bomb!

Sir, the Sorcerer is on line one. Marcy's on line two.

(groans) Give me whoever sounds less mad.

-Hello? -(Sorcerer yelling)

Students of Norrisville, Bash has something he wants to say!

All right, I ain't the ninja, you dummies.

-Boo! -(laughing)

But I'm still Bash Johnson,

and that makes me better than you!

(whooping)

(yelling)

Hey! Get me off of me! Help!

I'm sorry, ninja.

I don't know how I could've thought Bash was you.

-I don't either. -So, who are you, Ninja?

I'm sorry, young band geek, but I must remain unknown.

Smoke bomb.

Definitely the real ninja.

Woo! Those things smell like fart!

Listen, I know it's a bummer that no one knows you're... you know who,

but I know you're you know who,

so I brought you gravy fries!

So honkin' Bruce!

-This isn't gravy, is it? -I had to improvise.

Also, those aren't fries.

(groaning and puking)

♪ Bash! Bash! He's Bash Johnson ♪

♪ Turns out he's a ninja and he's better than you! ♪

♪ Bash! Bash! He's Bash Johnson ♪

♪ Turns out he's a ninja and he's better than you! ♪

♪ Bash! Ninja! Bash! Johnson! ♪

♪ Bash Johnson! Ninja! Johnson! ♪

♪ Better than you! ♪