Original subtitles

♪ Go, Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(video game bleeping)

Yes! A corpsicle in the wood chipper

-almost puts me in the lead. -Oh, that's adorable.

You've got your little hopes up thinking you're going to beat me.

-Oh! -Oh no!

Your Zucker Zombie attack. That looks really hard.

-Want me to play for you? -Knock it off, Cunningham.

-Knock what off? -You always try to get in my head,

and make me choke. Well, not today.

Not with my signature move: taunt with offensive gesture,

befuddle with unnecessary backflip, and kapow!

Helicopter kick!

And that's how you do it.

Aw, great job. Except you missed one.

-Sneak up corpse! -(screams)

No!

No! No! No!

There can be only one

Future Time Radioactive Zombie Punch champion,

and I am that one.

Hey, walk with me, my friend.

Let us gaze upon my many high scoring accomplishments

here at the Gamehole.

Stupid Hole of Fame.

Howard, poor sportsmanship is not a good color on you.

I call rematch.

What would be the point?

There are no games left for me to beat you at.

Sounds like you boys could use yourselves a fresh game.

We just plugged in a brand new title!

Skipow!

You, me, that game, now.

Are you sure, Howard? I mean, that's a lot of losing in one day.

We're doing this!

Viceroy, I demand you tell me where we're going.

-I demand it! -Excuse me for trying

to spice up our latest plan to destroy the ninja.

Behold!

Jack Hammer.

Why isn't he wearing a shirt?

Jack is the most sophisticated ninja luring, trapping,

capturing robot I've ever created.

Excellent! Get on with it! Lure, trap, capture!

One teeny, tiny problemo.

Oh, here it comes.

As it turns out, Jack's engineering is so brilliantly complex

even I am unable to control it.

You made a robot no one can control?

I didn't say "No one can control it."

It takes someone with superior hand-eye coordination,

and an insatiable thirst for destruction.

Qualities only found in a teenage gamer.

It's got laser mapped, photorealistic, multi-plane rendering of Norrisville.

You win by destroying every building in town!

-Oh! I call school! -Hey, look! Green nachos!

-Huh? -(laughing)

That's it! You mess with my head, you jump the queue,

and now you bring nachos into your trickery?

You sir, have gone too far.

What the juice?

Hey Howard, what should I do for my next wall pic?

What do you think? Bed head? Gonna sneeze?

No, no, no. Monkey face.

(Jack Hammer) Let's pound this town!

-(screaming) -Hey Howard, check it out.

Time to take out the trash...

...truck.

Say goodbye to Charlie Clucker's.

You leave the Bucket out of this.

(rooster crowing)

-(gasps) -Oops.

Cunningham, when I get in there, oh, I'm going to beat you so bad,

you'll make road kill look cute.

If you get in here.

You should snack up, I'm going to be awhile.

Oh! It may cost extra for the wax spray but you're worth it.

Huh? Oh! Come on!

It never fails.

You want a robot to destroy your car?

Go get it washed.

When's this plan gonna start working?

'Cause right now the only thing getting killed,

is my priceless McFist-A-Wax!

Patience, Hannibal. Jack is pro-destroy, the Ninja is anti-destroy.

When the Ninja shows up to stop my robot,

he'll find his ninja sword is no match for Jack's Hammer.

(giggles)

(chuckles)

(groans) He just destroyed the McWork-A-Plant...

and the McEat-A-Plant!

And the McFlex-A-Plex!

(game music playing)

Oh god...

Mr. Greg, there's a killer robot destroying the town!

Permission to cower in your Gamehole, sir.

Attention Holers, there is a rampaging robot loose in the city.

For your safety, we ask that you remain at Greg's Gamehole.

-(gasps) -While you're trapped here,

why not pay a visit to Greg's Foodhole?

It's hole-icious! Skipow!

Uh-oh, a rampaging robot.

That sure sounds like a job for the Ninja!

Howard, even if I quit right now, you'll still never beat me.

But just in case, I'll do this!

(grunts)

837,000! Good luck beating that, homie!

Oh, you have outshoed yourself, my arrogant friend...

...And you will pay.

Okay, Jack! Let's earn us some points.

(Jack) Let's pound this town!

I told you the NInja wouldn't show.

Smoke bomb!

-I told you he would. -I told you!

Wait a sec, wait a sec. Jack Hammer's real? What the juice?

Oh, this game has a ninja?

Oh, I am going to enjoy kicking your butt.

I have to stop Howard. Call Howard.

(phone) Calling Mom...

No! How does that... No, call Howard! Howard!

-(phone rings) -Hello?

Oh, hey there, I was just about to punch you.

-Virtually speaking. - No Howard, you're literally punching me.

Jack Hammer isn't a video game.

He's a real robot and he's beating up the city.

Oh gosh, I guess I should stop, huh?

Yes, great, thank you.

Are you kidding? You are not getting into my head with that weak sauce.

I'm only half a mill away from your high score, buddy,

and there is nothing you can say to stop me.

Oh, and one other thing?

-Boop. -What?

-Call Howard! - (phone) Calling Howard.

(farting sound)

-(Howard) Leave a message. - (groans)

All right, Howard. You wanna play?

Let's play. Ninja Chain-Chuku!

(yelling)

That was so Bruce! I give myself 1000 ninja points!

That's right. I'm going to lay down my signature move.

First I taunt...

Wow, that was an offensive gesture.

Then I befuddle...

Backflip seemed a bit unnecessary.

Helicopter kick!

-(yelling) -(cat yowling)

Howard's signature move!

How'd I miss that?

Well, hey there, blinky light. What is it that you do?

Uh, what just happened?

(alarm buzzing)

-We did it? -We did it!

(Jack) Ninja consumed! Jack Hammer unlocked!

Ninja Glow Balls!

Okay, this is bad.

Really bad.

Okay, NinjaNomicon, surely I'm not the first ninja to ever

get trapped in a giant robot stomach.

Could use a little help here.

Actually, a lot of help!

Whoa!

(Randy) "A ninja must know when winning is losing...

and losing is winning."

Kind of hoping for something a little more immediate here.

Like, I don't know, the exit's through the backdoor.

Oh! A backdoor! I love you Nomicon.

I'm going out the butt!

(clanking, farts)

(groans)

(sighs)

-Did he just... -I believe he did.

The Ninja's getting away! Get him!

(panting)

(phone rings)

(Howard) Oh, hey buddy. Just wanted to let you know

I'm 2,000 points away from beating your score.

What's up with you?

(yells)

Howard, you have to listen to me!

I'm not lying, this is all real!

You have to make the robot stop!

There you go, doing it again.

Trying to get in my head and make me choke.

Oh Cunningham, desperation is not a good color on you.

(Randy) "A ninja must know when winning is losing...

...and losing is winning!"

If I want the robot to lose, I have to let Howard win!

All right, Howard. You want the high score?

Come and get...

Is that all you got? Is that it? Ah, gee!

(Howard) I did it. I beat you, Cunningham!

I did it... I'm so proud of me.

I'm so proud... Cunningham, I did it.

I am so much better than you.

Congrats, buddy.

Now I just need you to do one more thing.

-(barking) -(groans) Take me home.

Well, you'd better get used to seeing my picture.

We destroyed the game, so it looks like my face

is going to be up there permanently.

It's too bad your eyes are closed.

(groans)

You know what? Don't care.

All that matters is I beat you hard!

Yes, you did. You sure did. 'Cause I let you.

Oh, it is so on.

You, me, name the game and I will take you down!

(game music plays)

(Slimovitz) Morning Carp! DJ Slimo in da booth.

Taken on Spirit Day! A full day of celebrating

Norrisville High's exceptional exceptionalism.

Howard, we should be in there getting our AM rave on,

but someone overfilled the spirit fountain.

Yeah, who knew a paper mache carp spewing 800 gallons

of blue and yellow goop could go so wrong, so fast.

Listen up, we need to come back from this

bigger, stronger, more school spirity.

I say we pose like idiots in the background

of every Spirit Day photo in the yearbook.

(both) Photo bomb!

(Howard) I'll do startled Bigfoot.

(Randy) I'm totally going invisible sandwich.

This is going to be the cheese!

We can't go anywhere till we clean up this mess.

Mop or scraper?

I could mop-slash-scrape

or you could PJ up and get your ninja-scrub on!

The ninja fights a lot of things, but stains ain't one of them.

(Slimovitz) Attention, we will be taking

the Spirit Rave yearbook photo in two minutes.

Fine, Howard, I'll do it.

Oh, come on, you know you... Wait, you will?

Ya... ru... zo!

(grunts) And done!

-Yeah, you missed a spot. -(groans)

Mm-hm.

Huh? (grunts)

Time to get serious.

(yelling)

Whew, I thought I broke something.

-Ah, ninja? -Hm?

Destruction of school property?

Oh, you can't photo bomb Spirit Day from detention.

-I've run the numbers, it's impossible. -I'll fix it, I'll fix it.

Little glue, little marker, Slimovitz will never know.

Just put your finger on it in case somebody walks in.

-I'll be right back. -Hurry!

My finger's starting to cramp.

Ow! What the juice?

Yeah, well, that's a blister.

Hm? (yells out)

(farts)

Why did I just do that?

We're in luck! Still got some glue left

from when we patched that hole to the girls locker room.

(Slimovitz) Everybody line up for our first

Spirit Day yearbook photo!

Howard, no staring. Patching.

(Slimovitz) Three, two, one. Lactose-free cheddar!

-(cheering) -I will treasure that.

Oh, we missed it!

Howard, you got to step it up.

We've only got half the day left to own that yearbook page.

At the next photo you do nose picker, I call old-timey boxer.

Hey, why're my hands upside down?

You'll see...

My neck feels a little shnasty.

(groans) Ow.

No, no... this is not happening!

(coughing)

Okay, gang, just because you're smart doesn't mean you can't show spirit.

Photo time.

Let's get the card catalogue in this one.

(groaning)

Cunningham? I was just in the bathroom,

and I found something really weird growing out of my body.

Not weird, that's natural.

The health teacher said that would happen. Now come on!

Photo! Bomb! Us! Now!

-(squawks) -No squawking in the library.

Uh, Howard? What was that?

I have no idea. I just... (squawks)

Seriously? I will eject you from this temple of knowledge.

I have that power.

Sorry. He's sorry.

Howard! He has that power.

I didn't do it on purpose. I just... (squawks)

Oh, that's positively teeming with spirit!

That's going straight to the yearbook.

Okay, plan-wise? That was kind of a bummer.

Where can we improve?

I don't know, I'm thinking less squawking? Howard?

(clucking)

Cut it out! I'm starting to think

you're not serious about photo bombing.

(clucks) I... can't... help it!

You'd better help it!

Now, come on, cafeteria! Spirit Rodeo, let's bomb!

It's Uncle Clive all over again!

(clucking)

Ignore him. We're not letting Uncle Clive ruin

another Thanksgiving. Now eat your turkey leg!

(kids cheering)

(clucking)

Stop acting like a bird!

Ow! (clucks)

-Hey Howard. -(crows)

Ah! I'm Clive-ing out!

(gasps)

(country music plays)

-(yelling) -Okay, Howard.

When Slimovitz gives the word,

we drop trou, run in and bomb that photo.

Undies blazin'!

Hm? Now where is he?

Howard! What the juice?

Howdy partners. Mosey on over to the...

Howard!

-(music playing) -(kids cheering)

What is wrong with you?

There's a bonfire out there just begging to be photo bombed,

and you got us stuck in detention.

I'm trying to make some memories...

-(clucking) -(gasps)

...missing the last event of the day 'cause you're being such a wonk?

I don't feel so good.

Yeah, Howard, that's guilt.

Whoa... What's with the eyes?

(squawking)

Whoa! Get back here!

Nobody marches till I say so!

Did you see me wave my marching stick?

Hm? NinjaNomicon? Oh, thanks so much for showing up.

Maybe you know why my BFF suddenly turned into Johnny Squawksalot.

(Randy) Centuries ago, a great battle was fought

between the Ninja and an evil bird demon, the Tengu.

The demon was too strong to defeat until the Ninja

found the source of the Tengu's great power.

The demon feathers infused the ninja suit with mysterious power.

Upon defeating the Tengu, the Ninja imprisoned it in a sacred stone.

It can only be released by the hand of Ninja!

The Tengu and the Ninja are forever linked.

Their strengths are shared.

I cracked the stone and released the Tengu.

I'm the reason Howard got possessed!

But how do I defeat a demon that's inside my best friend?

-(screaming) -(crowing)

(squawking)

Serpentine, Herby! Serpentine!

Well, what do you know? He didn't destroy my car.

Smoke bomb!

Hey! Drop the car, bird thingy...

Ee-yah!

Not cool, bird thingy! Not cool.

Howard, you come down here!

Ninja Kick!

I'm sorry, Howard. Are you okay?

(yelling)

Ninja Dive!

Howard, it's not your fault!

(squawking)

I don't want to fight you, you're my best friend!

But, you're also a bird demon.

-(squawks) -So you see my problem, right?

Ninja Scarf Throw!

(groaning)

(squawking)

"The Tengu and the ninja are forever linked.

Their strengths are shared."

Let's hope their weaknesses are too.

-Ow! -(squawking)

What hurts me... hurts him!

-(squawking) -Sorry to do this to you, buddy.

Ninja Dead Leg! Ow!

(grunts)

I promise, this hurts me as much as it hurts you.

-Ninja Whack! -(screeching)

Okay, this one's for you, pal.

Ninja Self Wedgie!

-(screams) -(shrieks)

-Howard, talk to me. -Ninja? Did we photo bomb?

-(groans) -Not even close, buddy.

Huh?

Howard!

If the suit and Tengu are linked, I have to...

(gasps)

Uh, I really hope I'm right about this.

(screeching)

(grunts) Oh...

Did you just give up being the Ninja to save me?

When I broke that stone in the school,

I might have accidentally released

an ancient bird demon which possessed you.

So, you're saying this whole thing was all your fault?

-I guess it was. -I knew it!

Also, thanks.

Whoa!

(yells out, gasps)

This is the Brucest thing in the history of Bruce!

(music plays)

Everyone, due to an unscheduled monster attack,

we were unable to take the bonfire yearbook photo.

Please line up so we can record this moment for posterity.

Hey, you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Startled Bigfoot. -Invisible sandwich.

(theme music playing)

♪ I'm still the cheese ♪

♪ I'm still the cheese ♪

♪ I'm still the cheese ♪

♪ Yeah ♪