Original subtitles

♪ Go, Ninja! ♪

(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the Ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(electronic music plays)

Hey, y'all! I'm Greg from Greg's Gamehole!

Come on down to the hall, and be the first in school

to get your sweaty, little mitts on Grave Puncher 5.

Only 200 copies! Scoo-ba!

-Ooh! -I can't believe it.

The greatest game since Grave Puncher 4

is out today, and we're stuck here.

"I lost my love. He left me there.

Purple clothes of pain I wear.

I weep, I ache, I hurts, I cry.

My eyes shed tears, my lips scream...

...why!" (sobbing)

(lisping) Is this going to be on the test?

We gotta get out of here.

I heard there's a code that lets you kick graves!

-Kick graves, Cunningham! -Way ahead of you.

All I need is some chewed gum, a pencil,

and that thing flute girl plays.

(gasps) My flute!

-(grunts) Hmm? -Check it.

I'll shoot the clock, move the hand to the end of the day,

and, boom, we'll be co-op grave punching in no time.

That is just half thought out enough to work!

(both) Hmm?

-(both gulp) -(lights powering down)

Attention, students. Due to the loss of power

and resulting spooky darkness, classes are dismissed.

Freezer's busted! Anyone want free ice cream sammies?

-Whoo! -(all shouting)

Greg's Gamehole, here we come!

Howard, let's... Howard? Hmm?

I would've got you one, but they ran out.

(water dripping)

-(growling) -(laughs) Did you ever think

I could eat 15 ice cream sandwiches?

-I didn't. -You know those are made of tofu.

Shh! Not in front of my stomach.

(Greg) The Grave Puncher 5 is the game for you!

But you better hurry. Only nine left!

Nine? There were 200 five minutes ago!

Howard, baby, relax.

Nothing is going to come between our fists

-and those sweet, sweet graves. -(screaming)

(roaring) Tawny!

Sorry to interrupt your rampaging,

but Norrisville High is now a monster-free campus.

It probably missed the signage.

-(roars) -Huh?

-Howard... -I know what you're gonna say.

-And you're right. -Huh?

We can get to Greg's and back before that monster does anything major!

-To the Gamehole! (humming) -Not what I was gonna say.

Come on! Slimovitz is all over this!

Every part of my body is either terrified or in pain!

Sorry, buddy.

Our quest must take a slight detour through Ninja Town!

Man, why does everything good have to go through Ninja Town?

Ha!

How about we just skip the roar playing,

and just cut right to the fun stuff?

-(exclaims) -Yah!

Ninja charge!

-(roars, groans) -Ah! Ow!

-(roars) -Uh...

Ninja flip!

Ah, stank corsage.

Ninja snatch!

Mmm. Now that is a classic.

I haven't used this vintage in quite some time.

Whoo-hoo! What just happened?

Where am I?

You're a little disoriented. That's just the stank-nesia.

In like a second you'll remember everything.

I remember everything!

I was waiting for my prom date to show up,

her name's Tawny, she's a bodacious babe.

We're talking foxy to the max here.

Sounds good. Not sure what it means, but thumbs up.

Then she stood me up! How totally bogus is that?

I even bought her a purple corsage to match her dress.

I would've gotten a purple tux, but I couldn't find one.

Can you believe it? You can't find a purple tux in 1985?

-1980-what now? -Hey nin... Hey, sharp suit.

Don't you have somewhere to be, like, I don't know, a Gamehole, maybe?

Howard, this guy's from the past.

I have to find a way to break it to him, gently, that he's in the future.

-I'm in the future? Wait. -(gasps)

Maybe they've invented time travel.

They can pop me right back to 1985.

Have they invented time travel?

-No. -(screams)

I'm stuck in the future!

Why is that typewriter so small?

Why is that kid wearing wheel feet?

(babbling) Ow!

Why is that tree there?

It wasn't there in 1985.

Tawny! Oh! I've never felt so alone.

-(sobbing) -To the Gamehole!

I can't just leave '80s kid like this.

I have to figure out what's going on.

-Mmm. -Watch him until I get back.

-Smoke bomb! -Relax, kid.

Uncle Howard's gonna tell you everything you need to know

about the future. First, the spaceships

are not as hard to fly as they look.

Second, future air is pretty rank, so breathe through your butt,

and, finally, when you see the monkey overlord, just bow.

-(monkeys chittering) -Do not look him in the eye.

-Huh? Ugh! No. -(toilet flushes)

Okay, Nomicon, what the juice is going on?

(grunts)

Ah!

"The monster in the blue tux by the ninja of 1985."

Now we're talking.

(man) Prom night. The last night of the year

that a ninja wants to deal with a monster.

Then some dweeb went and got himself stankified.

I had to make a choice.

De-stank this guy and miss prom,

or put him on ice and get back to the dance.

So I locked him in the cafeteria freezer.

If you're reading this, I guess he got out.

See you, wouldn't wanna be you.

That is some selfish ninja-ing, right there.

It's killing my afternoon of gameholing.

"The knot not tied unravels."

Whoa. Ninja of '85 totally left the monster in the freezer.

Hey, where's '80s kid?

His name is Dickie, and he hates his parents.

I'm assuming because they named him "Dickie."

Howard, where did he go?

Uh, oh, he said he was heading to the Gamehole.

Hey, we should go after him!

To the Gamehole!

-Hmm? -(grunts)

-Oh, fine, he ran off that way. -Oh, Dickie! Dickie!

(gasps) This is the door where Tawny was gonna meet me.

Oh. Oh, but she stood me up.

(sobbing)

-(beeping) -(ringing)

(woman) The number you have dialed is no longer in this decade. Goodbye.

(beeping)

Tawny! I made you this mix tape!

Hmm... Hairspray, cheap cologne, acid wash.

Oh... memories. Really takes me back.

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

-♪ He has no dinner ♪ -(squeaks)

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

- ♪ Whoo ♪ - (squeals)

-We're back to now, right? -(squeaks)

Here's to old friends.

And you... get lost. (cackling)

(sobbing)

What? Huh? (shuddering) What's happening to me?

(growling)

Dickie? Dickie!

Why did you let him out of your sight?

Cunningham, can we talk? About anything else?

Nothing's gonna happen to Dickie!

(Greg) I only got three more copies of Grave Puncher 5!

If you don't get one now, you'll be the only one who didn't get one now.

Did you hear that? We'll be the only one, Cunningham.

-Oh! -Tawny!

-(screaming) -Tawny!

Nothing's gonna happen to Dickie, huh?

-Stand still. -(screams)

(grumbles)

-Tawny! -(screams)

-Tawny? Not Tawny. -(screams)

Thanks for saving me, Ninja.

-You just spit in my eye. -Sorry.

-You just did it again. -(screaming)

-(girls screaming) -(grunting)

-(Dickie) Tawny! -(groans)

Ninja tripping balls!

Ninja hose borrow.

-(groaning) -Something's gotta be stanking this guy.

-Huh? Okay. -(sobbing)

It's not the photo. What else you packing, Dickie?

Maybe it's... I don't know what this is.

-(rumbling) -Would you pipe down?

I'm trying to figure out how to de-stank you.

(groaning)

Stupid, indestructible '80s cellphone.

Yah! It wasn't any of that '80s junk, so what is it?

-Tawny! -(groans)

Stop saying that! Ninja shove!

-(shouting) -(roaring)

-(screams) Scary monster! -Huh?

We did it! Let's go to the hole.

I can't just leave Dickie in a shed for the next ninja to deal with.

You can if you poke holes in the top.

What am I missing? (gasps)

Wait a minute. Tawny would be old by now.

Really old, like teacher old.

Ninja hunch!

Ms. Ringwald, what is your first name?

-It's Mary Elizabeth. -Bonk.

But everyone calls me Tawny.

How do you get "Tawny" from that?

-(screaming) -(roaring)

Come on!

-Hey! -Huh?

So this is either gonna de-stank that monster,

-or... -Excuse me, there's an "or"?

I, um... I might not have thought this whole thing through.

-(roaring) -Ah!

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

- ♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪ - Dickie?

Tawny?

Oh. Oooh...

Huh.

(indistinct)

(gasps)

♪ You stank me with your love ♪

♪ Stank is forever ♪

- ♪ Here in your arms is... ♪ - (burping)

Oh! I'm pretty sure they both tasted that one.

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

No! That is all kinds of gross.

Smoke bomb!

Boom! Knot not tied, tied.

-Let's bounce. -Took you long enough.

Maybe we can get the last one.

You could've gone without me.

You think I'd get the new Grave Puncher game without you,

my best friend? Wow. Just... wow.

You don't have any money, do you?

- Nope. - ♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

(chirping)

(squeals)

(grunts) Randy Cunningham, ninth grade phenom.

First freshman ever to ride in the Wave Slayer relays.

Cunningham, through the shoots, Cunningham, off the ramp.

Cunningham something, something.

-Cunningham! Cunningham! -(Howard) Cunningham!

-What was that for? -For fantasizing

when you're supposed to be waxing.

-What was that for? -For asking what that was for.

Do you want to keep going, or do you want to do your job?

Howard, we did not join the Wave Slayers to sit around

waxing our water craft.

-We did it to rock! -No, that's why you did it.

I joined for the executive snack bar privileges.

And BT Dubbs, it's quarter past corndog. Where is Luigi?

(Italian accent) I'm so sorry. Luigi make it a promise.

You Slayer Waves, you no wait in the line.

Luigi, you know what would totally make this right?

Cheese sauce.

Right away, Senor Weinerman.

-(feet screech) -Mmm.

Snack... bar... privileges.

No. I can't take it.

I was born to ride, Howard.

-Huh? -(Howard) What are you doing?

That's Buttermaker's Wave Slayer.

Relax, I'm just going to sit on it.

Then why are you zipping that up?

-Safety? -(grumbles)

Taking out the captain's Slayer for a joyride is a really bad idea.

(scoffs) Joyride? No, no, no, no.

As team waxer, it is my solemn duty to make sure the wax is evenly applied.

(chuckles) Ah, duty.

-(revving) -(Randy chuckles)

So Bruce!

Howard, sometimes you just gotta say...

...what the juice.

-(crashing) -What the juice?

When Coach Green sees this, he'll kick us off the team!

If I lose my snack bar privileges, so help me.

I can fix this. Aah! Aah! I can fix this!

Just a little more wax...

Yeah, as long as nobody looks at it,

-I don't think they'll notice. -(approaching laughter)

(up-tempo music plays)

(humming)

Men, today we give those Flackville handshakers

a proper thwacking!

-Yeah! -Now, into the brine

for your preliminary hydro zigzaggery.

-Hmm? -Hmm?

Just go warm up.

-Shucks away! -Yeah!

-Oh, hey, Buttermaker. -Hey, hey, RC!

My baby waxed to the max? Gotta get my pre-race on!

Oh, right, maybe you could just chill on the dock, and,

I'm just spitballing here, you could visualize your pre-race, right?

(chuckling) You know my philosophy.

Slay it, don't say it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's this?

Yeah, I guess I should tell you...

My seat! I can see my face in it!

Oh, tasty! You, dude, were born to buff!

Hmm.

What's you want to tell me, RC?

-Well, I might have, um... -(engine revving)

Taken your Slayer out and dented it, really damaged it,

-but, hopefully not, so good luck! -What?

I told him.

Besides, I mean, it's a tiny dent. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Oh, whoa! Steady, girl, dude!

Easy. (screaming)

No more snacks, they go "boom, boom." Ah!

It's all good, I'm okay.

Just get me a fresh ride, coach.

-I can still win. -Uh, Buttermaker, I'm over here.

(groans)

Clearly your eggs have had a sound scrambling.

I'm dry docking you until further notice.

No!

While losing our best rider, moments before our biggest race

is a bit of a Gulliver, fear not.

-I have a plan B. -Yes, plan B?

-We forfeit! -Oh, that's wonk.

-Baby, that's wonk. -What have I done, Howard?

Wrecked the Wave Slayer, ended the team's chances of winning,

and Luigi's snack stand, and... hmm...

-That was rhetorical, wasn't it? -Hmm? Hmm...

NinjaNomicon, you've gotta help me.

(gurgling)

Octo-world.

"When a ninja does wrong, he must own up to his mistakes."

Wow, that is way too Nomicon-y for this freshman to figure out.

(scoffs)

Still not following, but, don't worry,

I mean, I'll come up with something. (screams)

(grunts) Coach, wait.

-You can't forfeit! -Of course I can.

I simply inform the opposing coach that his team wins.

No, no, no, no. I mean, waxers are technically part of the team,

so why can't a waxer ride in Buttermaker's place?

Mr. Cunningham, you are absolutely right. Today, a waxer shall ride.

And, by the rules of the sea, set forth by Poseidon himself,

substitutes are chosen in reverse alphabetical order.

Weinerman! Prepare to taste the face of King Neptune.

(grunts) Stupid rules of the sea.

Listen, Coach Green, I'm more of a landlubber.

And a meat lover, and a cheese lover.

Perhaps my good friend, Cunningham, could lick Neptune's face for you?

Senor Weinerman, you no ride, you no get the snack bar privileges.

-(grunts) -Wax boy, tend to my Slayer.

(grumbles) Wax boy... Slayer...

(moans) Can't believe I blew it.

Gotta win the race.

(alarm ringing)

What rouses me from my afternoon slumber?

Dejection? Or maybe it's disappointment.

Disheartenment, doldrums.

-(squeaks) -You're right.

They're all equally wonderful states of misery.

Ah! Destroy... Flackville. (grunting)

-(shouts indistinctly) -Huh?

-(screams) -Dude.

Nothing more refreshing than a chaotic day at the lake.

-(cackling) -(up-tempo music plays)

What up? It's your BF on the beach, H-dub!

Coming at you live from Lake Larusso.

Here's a look at the line-up.

Leading off on the tube run, it's Hank Peterson!

Putting his feet down in the buoys, it's Speedboat Sam Healy!

Followed by Doug the Tub Jiminsky on the raging ramp.

And anchoring the final sprint is our own... Howard Weinerman?

Are we trying to lose this thing?

Done waxing your Slayer, Mr. Weinerman.

Hey, you didn't give it the Buttermaker, did you?

-I'll give you the Buttermaker. -(whistle blows)

-Huh? -Slayers, to the starting line.

Time to be a hero. (grunting)

Ah!

(audience cheering)

(grunts, screams)

(moans) Hmm...

On your mark, get set, slay.

-Destroy, dude! -(screams)

Buttermaker? Looks like the ninja's getting wet.

-Yah! -Huh?

-(indistinct growling) -Huh?

(panting) Ninja amphibious kick!

-Yah! -Thanks, Ninja!

(grunts)

(screaming)

(grunting)

What's up?

Is this intimidating you?

'Cause I totally know what I'm doing here.

(growling)

Ninja double hook!

Ah!

Dude! Ninja expanding baton. (shouts)

(grunting) Ninja double expanding baton!

Hmm. That's cool. You get a head start.

I like to keep things interesting anyway.

-Underwater ninja punch! -(growling)

Don't worry, Jiminsky, I'll win this one for the team!

(screaming)

Dude, your nose is all stanky.

-(growls) -Ninja nose bow.

(growling)

(cackling)

-(yells) -(grunts)

-Buttermaker, you okay? -Ninj, how's the race going?

|-Are we winning? -What? You were a honking monster!

Why do you care about the race?

-I let my dudes down. -(shouting)

Never should've crashed and gotten hurt.

-It's all my fault! -(gasps)

When a ninja does wrong, he must own up to his mistakes.

What if it wasn't all your fault?

-What if it was none your fault? -What?

What if, and this is just a ninja theory here, okay?

But what if one of the waxers took your Slayer on a joyride

and accidentally damaged it.

Dude, I'd slay that little waxer where the zinc don't go.

Okay, all right. Now, that makes sense.

But what if he was really, really sorry?

Guess I'd just flick him in the ear...

-Deal. -Huh?

Let's get you back in that race!

Ninja scarf grapple!

-Dude! -(screams)

-Hang on, Howard! -Back in the race, dudes!

I was like this close to winning.

No, you weren't.

-Well, now we'll never know, will we? -No, we'll know. We'll totally know.

(grunts)

Norrisville wins it by a nose!

And my brother, Howard "fart power" Weinerman,

had nothing to do with it. Big shocker there.

(all cheering)

- We did it! - Whoo!

So, how'd Buttermaker take it when you fessed up?

It's all good.

(throbbing)

Actually kind of stings,

but on a deeper, more emotional level, I feel a sense of...

You know what would make that sentence more interesting?

Some buffalo knuckles. You in?

-Hey... you go ahead. -Hmm?

I got waxing to do.

Oh, well, have fun with that.

(humming)

-(revving) -(gasps)

(grunting) What?

-(crashing) -Ah, no!

That's enough for today. Howard, wait up!

Everything is fine here, nothing is broken!

♪ Ain't had no dinner ♪

♪ Never seen no flicks ♪

♪ It's been a while but we still click ♪

♪ You've been around I've been on ice ♪

♪ But I still think you look nice ♪

♪ That's the thing about stuff ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ That's the thing about stuff... ♪