Original subtitles

-♪ Go, ninja! ♪ -(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb! ♪

(grunts)

Where do you think you're going?

-Oh, up the wall. -Yeah, okay. Guess I'll Ninja Sprint!

Nah, I don't think so.

-(growling) -(beeping)

Just one second. I'm so sorry. Status update, Howard.

Bash is giving out invites to his party right now.

Boom! Boom!

Show your Bash mark at the door.

(chuckles) Boom!

We cannot miss the Bash Splash. It's legendary!

I heard last year they filled the pool with McSquiddles.

McSquiddles! Lick the lightning!

On my way. Just gotta brain the lizard.

Ninja Sneeze! (sneezes)

Gesundheit.

Oh, schnasty!

What the juice? He's gone.

(Howard) So is our shot at Bash Splash.

Lizard, Bash Splash. Lizard, Bash Splash.

What to do, what to do? He only ate a booger.

There's no way that could come back to haunt me.

(yells)

Boom! Boom!

You two are in my gym class.

You wear them zip-up kicks.

-Yeah, we do. -Check 'em out.

Zip-ups is for shoobies. No Bash!

Ah, why do you have to be such a shoobie?

The greatest party in the history of high school and we're not invited.

This burns, man. This burns deep.

Yeah, it's too bad we can't just sneak in.

I mean, it's not like one of us is the ninja or anything.

Howard, I can't just ninja out because we want to go to Bash's party.

Now, if Bash's stepdad was my arch-nemesis, or...

Oh, my ninja!

I'll be in the Nomicon.

And I'll be in Grave Punchers Four.

Punchzilla's Revenge, Punch Master Edition.

(Randy) "A ninja must master the art of stealth." Yes, okay, yes.

Reveal, conceal.

Conceal, reveal.

Camouflage! Ah, that is so brute.

-(gasps) -Jab, jab. Haymaker!

-Howard! -(game) Congratulations.

You are a world's worstest grave puncher.

Oh! This better be good, Cunningham.

Good? It's only the cheese.

I got us two tickets to the Bash Splash.

(Randy) Throw the haymaker!

The Nomicon told you to tell me to deck you?

I've always liked that book.

So, how we getting into the Bash Splash?

Yes, this is how.

Everybody at that party will have a Bash mark,

including us.

Now if the world's worstest grave puncher would hurry up...

Ow!

No one jokes about my grave punching.

Huh?

Ooh, ooh, do me, do me!

-(punching) -(Howard shouts)

(both) We're gonna crash the Bash Splash!

Look at that beautiful ninja slinger.

Jelly, slightly ropey, and that color.

Focus, Viceroy. Bash's party

will be filled with the coolest kids at Norrisville High.

Surely one of them is the ninja.

Thanks to this snot sample,

we'll finally learn his true identity!

(beeping)

You're a genius. We're in.

Check it out. It's gotta be over 173 feet.

(chirping)

Do you know what that means?

I do not.

It's the highest board in Norrisville. I can pull the ultimate belly whopper.

Finally, I'll show Uncle Rod that I'm the king of the Weinerman Whop.

Bash alert. Something o'clock.

(shouts)

Hannibal, Bashford refuses to re-apply his SPF.

Oh, my baby boy is gonna get burned for jeeper's sake.

(grumbles)

Hey! Cut it out, McJerk!

That was close. And a little sad.

If Bash recognizes us, we're booted.

-For realsies. -I'm with ya'.

We need to make sure we blend in.

Stay off Bash's radar, lay low.

Is that a choco-fountain?

Yes. Yes, it is.

(lapping)

(shrieking)

Bash Splash! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

That was even closer. We were right under his nose, and...

(both) Sumo Slide!

Right behind you, Big H.

Hooray!

(both shouting)

(both gasping)

(Bash) Bash Splash!

(groans) Dude, is it me,

or are we totally pulling this off?

Hmm? Well, who do we have here?

McFist. I mean, hello.

Nice to meet you, Mr. McFist,

as you and I have never met in the past, ever.

We're Bashford's school chums. Here we are.

By the way, Bash is not an idiot.

Bash Splash, Bash Splash, Bash Splash!

Yeah, he's a delight.

Hiya, boys. Hope you're enjoying Bashy's Splashy.

Oh, have you blown your nose yet?

(both) Huh?

(clears throat) McFist Industries is proud to announce

the revolution in nostril clearing technology.

McFissues.

For your blow and go lifestyle.

(Marcy) Sneeze into Atchoo D2,

play Schnoz Sniper,

or just try your hand at Pick It and Flick It.

Ah, it's a hoot!

What is it, boogers?

Just make sure you take a picture

so we can ID your icky.

(laughing)

Don't have any bats in the cave.

Boogie shy, huh? No problem.

Robo-lizard! What the juice?

Not...gonna...sneeze.

I'm gonna sneeze!

-(sneezes) -(clicking)

Gesundheit.

Enjoy the party.

-(gasping) -(horse neighing)

Guess who won heaviest tissue?

A robo-lizard snagged my snot.

McFist has a finger in the nose of every kid here.

I have to find out why.

But I'll need a distraction.

Howard, warm me up a whopper.

-What about laying low? -There's a time to lay low,

and there's a time to whop.

Go show Uncle Rod why you wear the big trunks.

(laughing)

-Bash Splash! -(Howard) Hey, Bash.

I know you. You're that shoe.

You weren't supposed to be Bashed!

That's right, I crashed the Bash Splash.

What you gonna do about it?

Get him, bros!

Huh?

(panting)

Ninja Foot Spikes!

You're not blending on me this time.

(all shouting)

Fabulous work.

Now we simply wait for one of these nose nuggets to match the ninja.

Can you say smoothie time?

Gesundheit.

I really must start reading to you.

Boogers. Boogers, boogers.

They're all boogers!

(panting)

(beeping)

This better be good.

Ooh, that is good! Be right there.

Sorry, bugaboo. Gotta get to the lab.

I'm seconds away from having the ninja

right where I want him.

You are so adorable

when you're scheming to destroy the ninja.

-(slurping) -Uh-huh, okay.

What the juice?

(machine) Heidi Weinerman. No match.

Mike Moe. No match.

That's my booger.

(grunting)

(laughing)

(grunting)

Oh, schnasty!

This is it, Viceroy. The ninja is toast.

Gotta get my booger back.

The art of stealth. Conceal and reveal.

Conceal ain't doing jack.

Time to switch to reveal.

You boys looking for me?

Ninja! Ha!

Told ya' he'd be at the Splash.

Nailed it again, sir.

Sorry to break up your little phlegm fiesta,

but you've got some lung butter that belongs to me.

(computer) Ninja found.

We got a match!

-Oh, boy. -You're too late, ninja.

Or should I call you...

(sneezing)

(computer) Viceroy match.

Viceroy. Viceroy?

-Viceroy! -Seriously?

How could I be the ninja, he's standing right there.

Ninja Kick!

Well, I pretty much adios'd your booger machine,

so smoke bomb!

Ha! Idiot. We can rebuild the machine.

The important thing is we've still got all the samples.

Huh. Had not thought of that.

(yells)

Stop him!

Wow, that's a lot of robo-lizards.

I'm gonna whop!

You ain't whoppin' on my watch.

-Yeah. -(laughing)

(all) Aw.

(all screaming)

Ole!

(grunting)

(screaming)

(laughs) Boom!

Okay, I admit. This is a setback.

But we still have the boogers.

We put 'em on new slides, rebuild the machine,

and ha! Back in business.

Come on, McFist.

Don't you think it's time to throw in the tissue?

-(rumbling) -(growling)

Ninja Ring!

(whimpering, groaning)

(all cheering)

Yeah! (groans)

Worth it.

Ninja Surf!

The water's all booger-ey.

So gross!

Oh, hey, buddy. We're busted.

Nice try, shoobies.

Nobody crashes the Bash Splash!

(horse neighing)

Oh, look what they did to Uni!

This party was a total disaster.

What are you talking about?

You're the king of the Weinerman Whop.

And I protected the ninja's identity.

And I won heaviest tissue.

See, that's the spirit.

Not bad for our first high school party, right?

Schweet! Fireworks.

Fireworks filled with McSquiddles.

(both) Lick the lightning!

-Hot, super-hot! -Mmm, so good.

(both chattering)

(shouting)

That... (groans)

...hurt. Uh-oh.

(growling)

Smoke bomb!

(confused growl)

OK, Nomicon. Little help here.

(Randy) "When faced with a mighty enemy, counter with a mightier force."

Mightier force?

What's mightier than a killer robot?

Ninja Chain-sicle!

(shouting)

Uh-oh.

(yells)

(groans) Robo-burp!

I totally tasted that. It's in my mouth. I can't get it out of my mouth.

Counter with a mightier force.

Here force. Aw, yeah!

Shovel.

(laughing)

Uh-oh.

(yells) Gravity.

That's a mightier force. Or is it a law?

Man, I gotta start paying attention in science class.

Science class!

(groaning)

Huh?

(static)

Hmm.

(farting sound)

(laughs) Oh, no!

Fart box. Howard's gonna love this.

(bell ringing)

In other words, Mr. Weinerman,

if you were this bone you'd be failing thigh school science.

(laughing)

Thigh school. Zing!

(scoffs) Brown noser.

-Hey, Howard, did I miss anything? -No.

Ah, Mr. Cunningham.

I was just telling your lab partner that the two of you are failing my class.

So I didn't miss anything.

Oh, yeah. We're failing science.

And the only way you two will pass is if you win tomorrow's science fair.

(scoffs) That is no problem.

We have a totally awesome project.

You do?

-Yes. -We do?

(whispers) No.

Well, we'll see tomorrow. But I warn you,

you won't find failing science very humorous.

Oh, Jerry.

(laughing) Humorous.

-Double zing! -Brown noser.

That's what I said.

(McFist) You better not be coming in here

to tell me your robot failed to destroy the ninja.

Never mind.

Get back here, I'm not done yelling at you!

Oh, Hannibal. Inside voice.

Yes, Marcy, my little sugar knuckles.

Meatballs, sweet!

Bashford, science fair is coming up,

and I thought you two could do a little father-stepson bonding

working on his project together.

When is this science fair?

-It's tomorrow. -What's the matter,

couldn't wait until the absolute last minute?

(scoffs) Dummy!

There's like a ton of minutes between now and tomorrow.

I know you're busy hatching evil schemes and so forth,

but it sure would be swell.

Anything, my little butter face.

Oh, look at my two big, strong science fellas!

Hey, don't build me nothing stupid.

Viceroy, get in here!

(Viceroy) Not if you're gonna yell at me.

I'm not gonna yell at you!

(Ryan) Howard, this is it.

We're gonna come up with a first place science project.

Right after I do, uh, this.

-(farting sound) -(both laughing)

O-M-genius.

Where'd you get the fart box?

Took it off a McFist robot.

-(farts) -(both laugh)

Oh, it farts. It just keeps farting!

Oh. Okay, enough of that. Time to work.

(laughing)

It just keeps farting!

(farting, laughing continues)

(rooster crowing)

Just keeps farting.

-Never gets old. -It really doesn't.

Hey, what happened to the nighttime?

We farted it away! Literally.

What are we gonna do about the science fair?

-Okay, how about this? -Really, now?

No, we could use the box. It's totally science-y.

(loud fart)

Hang on. You want us to hand in the fart box

off a killer robot as our project?

-Mm-hmm. -Cunningham, do you realize

how incredibly stupid it would be for us...

Not to do that!

Oh, I'm gonna clear some room on my report card for an A plus.

It'll be that sweet little island of success

on an ocean of D's.

Behold. Ahh!

A spud-powered TV remote for the ultimate couch potato.

Potato humor. Zing!

(laughing)

Science fair's in the bag.

Hurry up, I ain't got all day!

There. My invention...

-My invention. -Bash's invention

converts common feline waste into electricity.

(meowing)

I have a million billion dollars.

Can't we get a cat that poops on command?

Sorry. Fluffy gets stage fright.

-(farting) -(clinking)

Ooh, there he goes.

(Bash) The cat's doing poops!

Quit showing off, fuzzball.

Save some for the judges!

Now, as you see, our students put a lot of thought

into their projects.

They worked their fingers to the bone.

Any chance one of 'em came up with some sort

of self-perpetuating, artificial food stuff?

(laughs) I don't think so, why?

No reason. Certainly not because I diverted the semester's cafeteria budget

to repairing my hoopty.

(chuckles) No.

Well, boys, let's see the totally awesome project you promised.

Since the dawn of time,

man has sought an escape from... silence.

Today, his quest is over.

(lights shutting off)

-(blows kazoo) -Behold, the wonder of sound.

(loud farting)

(both laughing)

(quiet coughing)

I think they missed it. Hit 'em again!

(laughing)

Boys, that is not science.

But, no, no, no. You push the button here...

(farting)

...and the sound comes out there.

That's the very definition of science.

No. It's the very definition of fail.

(Howard) An F?!

Please, Mr. Driscoll, she's being totally unfair.

(Mr. Driscoll) You think you've got it bad.

Try being married to her.

Oh, Jerry. You're terrible.

Stupid wonder of sound.

Hey! My project!

Whoa! I just scienced this thing up a notch.

Dude, we gotta show Driscoll!

(gasps)

(growling)

Potato coming to life. No big deal.

(whimpering)

Okay, that's a big deal.

Ninja time, definitely ninja time.

Ninja Flip!

Ninja Rotating Table Slide!

(shouting)

Ninja-side, hiya!

Anyone order a side of fries?

Ha! Potato humor.

Ninja, you are the zing!

(chuckles) You said it, I didn't say it.

-That was you. -(growling)

How 'bout that?

Ha!

(all screaming)

(yells)

Chop, chop, chop, chop!

I really thought it would work that time. I don't know why.

(all growling)

Oh, potatoes! Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes!

Mrs. D, we just wanted you to know

there's no hard feelings about the F that you gave us.

In fact, we'd like to give you a second chance

to give us a second chance.

Mr. Weinerman, in case you hadn't noticed,

we're being attacked by... (gasps)

Stupid Driscoll.

Thinks she's the king of science.

Not my biggest problem right now.

(cat screeches)

What is that?

It's the number C, dummy.

Thanks for nothing, McFist.

You gave me a science guy who can't even count to C.

I'm telling Mom!

I'm not afraid!

Sir, if you're done with your little domestic kerfuffle,

there's a potato uprising that may interest you.

Ninja! Why didn't you think ahead and bring a killer robot?

Maybe I did.

Well, did you or didn't you?

Of course I did. What kind of evil genius would I be if I didn't?

(meowing)

Ha, yes! Attack.

What? Killer robot? Bring it on!

(laughing)

-(kid) My project! -Sorry.

Go robot!

Yeah, to your doom.

Yay, ninja.

(Ryan) "When faced with a mighty enemy, counter with a mighty force."

Okay, giant robot.

It's potato mashing time!

Boom! Gravity.

Science.

-(meowing) -Oh, boy.

(squeaks)

Okay, students.

Whose project caused those potatoes to mutate?

Well, then, I guess we'll never know who solved the school's food shortage,

-and won first place. -Right here.

Why do we have to clean this up?

Well, I mean, it was our science project

that turned those innocent potatoes into rampaging psycho spuds.

Yeah. Guess that's what we get for handing in

someone else's fart box as our project.

Hey, Howard. We learned a valuable lesson today.

(both laughing)

Oh, valuable lesson.

Where did you come up with that?

I don't know. I mean, it's a gift, it's a gift.

-(farting) -(Randy) Please tell me that was the box.

(Howard) Wish I could, buddy. Wish I could.

(theme music playing)