Original subtitles

-♪ Go, ninja! ♪ -(Randy) I was chosen to protect my school

from the forces of evil.

I am the ninja.

I am Randy Cunningham.

♪ Smoke bomb ♪

(all chattering indistinctly)

(boy) This is going to be awesome!

Ah, the annual Freshman field trip to Mount Chuck.

(mimicking a man's voice) The world's only man-made volcano.

Glory awaits, Howard.

-(chattering indistinctly) -When we spit in volcano,

we'll be joining Norrisville High's all-time greats.

Of course we won't actually be going up the volcano,

that's for hooligans, daredevils and tomfoolers.

Nope, we're headed to the informative and school board approved museum of silt.

-(all groan) -Silt, silt, silt!

Now, before we go in, I want to say one thing.

(laughs) Oh, Jerry.

Every year, some numbskull tries to sneak up the volcano to spit in it.

That's us, Howard. We are that numbskull.

Which is why we're using the buddy system.

If you stray more than five feet from your buddy,

you both get a month's detention.

-(all grumbling) -For added security,

I'm pairing a responsible student with a numbskull.

-(Mrs. Driscoll) Bucky, you're with Randy. -(moans)

-Flute girl, you're with Howard. -Ooh!

-(Mrs. Driscoll) Julian, with Stevens. -(plays sad tone)

(growls) Oh, great. What do we do now, huh?

I mean, I was all excited to sneak off and luge into that volcano.

And scarf down some victory nachos.

If it was easy, it wouldn't be awesome.

We just have to find a way to get up there.

Rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo...

No funny business, you two. I got my sockets on you.

Viceroy, when I told you to design an evil, new creation to catch the ninja,

did I say anything about it being a disgusting, useless blob?

Hmm, let me check my notes.

I don't care if it's disgusting or useless,

I just want a blob!

Get rid of them! All of them!

-(groans) -(beeping)

Gene Levine, the disposal machine,

for when it absolutely, positutely gotsta be disappeared.

Gene-o, Viceroy. I need something disappeared.

-Positutely? -Positutely.

(male narrator) Mount Chuck,

Norrisville's most recognizable landmark.

Our city fathers designed her as a tourist mecca...

-(grumbling) - ... the Krakatoa of the west.

However, after a spirited inaugural eruption,

they decided to cap the lava.

Picture it, Bucky.

Oceans of virgin silt, just waiting to be discovered.

I'm not breaking the rules, Randy.

There's silt up there Mrs. Driscoll has never seen before!

(Randy) And circumferences she couldn't imagine.

-(moans) -(vibrates)

Would you excuse me, Bucky?

I gotta, you know... something.

(gasps)

(screams)

(Randy) "A ninja must never endanger the innocent,

but he must always defend the defenseless."

I don't have time for first day ninja stuff,

I'm trying to sweet talk Bucky up a volcano here!

(camera whirring)

What do you say, partner?

You volca-know you wanna come with me.

You do make a convincing zing.

(gasps) My snacks!

Looks like Gene positutely missed one.

-(squeaking) -(chuckles) Aw...

You are kind of cute.

-(chuckling) -Stop it, Howard.

-I mean it! -(chuckling)

This isn't funny!

-I'm telling Mrs. Driscoll! -Five foot rule, huh?

Yeah. She's gotta go wherever I go.

That is not funny.

(squeaking)

Viceroy, I disappeared all them amoebas and such.

We gonna go cash or charge on this one here?

Whoa! How'd I miss you, little fella?

(frightened squeaks)

Nicholas? Nicholas!

-(squeaking) -(horn honking)

Nicholas, I'm coming, sweet thing!

Hey, this is the same as the silt at the bottom!

Our most finest hour is upon us.

This is your greatest idea ever.

You guys are idiots.

Ready... set... hork!

-Epic. -Hey, where are the victory nachos?

All right there, little guy.

Let's get you good and disappeared, huh?

(growls) Give it back.

-Hey, what gives?

You are not disappearing my Nicholas.

I got a signed contract here for the removal of all slimy things.

I don't care about your contract.

That was a legally binding document, there, Viceroy.

(screams) Nicholas!

Don't panic. Daddy's coming for you, baby.

-Help me find a way down there. -Oh, no.

Then all them other amoebas I disappeared is alive and gooey down there.

They're probably plotting revenge on Gene Levine right now.

They're completely harmless.

It would take a very specific blend of rare, toxic chemicals to destabilize them.

Why, you'd need notodextrium...

Sodium phosphate, and xanthan gum?

You tell me, how am I supposed to resist that?

Those 'chos were for both of us.

I carried them all the way up here,

-you should share with me. -But you ate all of them!

-(both straining) -(Howard)... take my nacho!

Ooh! Oh, way to go, Cunningham.

(growling)

You betrayed me with wordplay, Randy.

Come on, Bucky, let's go.

Bucky, I'm sorry.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm sorry, Cunningham, five foot rule.

(sighs) Huh?

-What? -(growling)

That's probably bad.

(screams)

(screams)

The volcano is erupting!

(wailing)

What happened to Bucky? What was that?

All great questions.

Why don't we discuss it, oh, I don't know...

-... back at the bus! -(screams)

Hurry it up there, Viceroy.

Just lower me down, I can see him.

-(shouts) -Whoops and such.

-(engine revving) -I'm out of here.

Uh-oh.

Ooh.

Don't you worry, Daddy's here.

Bad amoeba, bad!

(squeals)

Come here, baby, you're okay.

Naughty, Nicholas, that was Daddy's flamethrower.

(screaming) Stop, stop!

(Howard) It put its tentacle in my mouth!

-Howard? -(growling)

Yah!

Time to un-endanger the innocent.

Ninja slice!

Totally worked.

-(growling) -Ninja, it's not working!

Yeah, thanks, I caught that.

(shouting)

Ah-ha, not even close!

(squeals)

(growls)

-(moans) -(squealing)

(laughing)

Fire. (chuckles)

That's it!

It's like they say, sometimes you've got to fight ectoplasm with lava.

(Bucky) No one's ever said that!

(grunting)

Come on! No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Boom, lava! -Um, that's your plan?

Douse us with molten hot lava?

Got to admit, Ninja, not one of your best.

-That was just phase one. -Then what's phase two?

(laugh) That.

-(shouts indistinctly) -(screaming)

-(Bucky) Oh, boy! -(moaning)

Hey, you're safe.

-Hurray! -Thanks, Ninja.

Catch you on the flip-flop.

Who would hide an amoeba monster in a man-made volcano?

-(yelps) -Viceroy, I should've known.

Ninja, please, you have to save Nicholas.

-He's defenseless! -(Randy) Nicholas? What's a Nicholas?

Oh, Nicholas! Meet me at the top.

-Okay. -(squeaks)

Ninja amoeba snatch!

-(rumbling) -(grunting)

You're all kinds of shasty.

My Nicholas! Oh, Ninja, how can I ever thank you?

Uh, you could take a vacation

from helping my arch-enemy plot to kill me!

I do have a time share in Provence. Done!

-Uh... Yeah! -Come on, come on, come on.

(screams)

-Whoa. -(growling)

Ninja, I'm getting out of here!

(screaming)

-(Bucky) Ninja! -Ninja, did you plan that?

Uh, yes.

I mean, yes!

I seriously appreciate this, Ninja.

Yeah! We were pretty shoobed for a minute there.

Wait, Randy's missing. Oh, this is awful!

Aw, that means so much to...

that boy I've never heard of.

Don't you worry, I'll bring your friend back safe and sound.

Good. 'Cause I'll get a month's detention if I show up without him.

I can't handle that kind of time.

(groans) Get them to the bus.

Okay, let's see who earned themselves a nice, fat detention.

(Mrs. Driscoll) Stevens, check. Julian, check.

Weinerman, check. Flute girl, check.

-Hensletter, check. -(shivering)

-Cunningham. -Bucky and I are both here, Mrs. Driscoll.

We are? We are!

Everyone's here! No detentions.

(mimicking male voice) Ice cream for everyone!

You always did have a sweet tooth.

(gasps)

-(Randy) Mission accomplished. -And a picture to prove it.

(Randy) Epic.

Mmm, Provence.

Ew... You're cute, but you don't taste so good, baby.

Come on, move it!

Howard, I have this nagging suspicion we may still be faceless Freshmen

-here at Norrisville High. -Watch out, kid.

What are you talking about? They love me at this school.

Hence my awesome nickname,

-the Watch Out Kid. -Watch out, kid.

You're not the Watch Out Kid. They're saying, "Watch out, kid!"

Oh! Then, yeah, we're 100 percent faceless.

We need to do something that separates us from the rest of these clowns.

And baton twirlers.

And accordion players... Did we miss an e-blast or something?

(Heidi) Hey, it's your best BFF, Heidi.

Status update!

Due to the fact that my judges decided to try out for talent show

instead of judging it, like they promised...

Yes! We broke a promise! Yes!

...auditions are postponed indefinitely.

-(all groan) -(sad note plays)

That's it! Howard, we're going to judge the talent show.

Judging's stupid. I give that idea a one out of ten.

Come on! Everyone knows the judges are the real stars.

If we get our judge on proper, everybody will know our names!

-Watch out, kid! -(Howard) I'm in!

'Sup! It's your girl, Heidi.

Me-casting live, from the auditorium

where my super sweet little brother and his best friend, Andy...

Randy. Name's Randy. Known you my whole life.

...have agreed to judge the talent show auditions.

Yey! Wonk this up, and I will webcast that video of you two

-taking a bath together. -We were three!

-Not. That. Video. -Ooh...

Ah, yes! Judges! This is so Bruce!

I'm thinking we run the old nice judge, mean judge.

-I'm listening. -No, no, no, that's it.

I'm the nice judge, you're the mean judge.

Why can't I be the nice judge?

(laughter)

Oh, I thought you were serious for a second.

I am such a jerk.

(laughter)

(sniffs) Mmm, there's a delicious desperation

in the air today. This could only mean one thing.

-Talent show auditions. -(squeals)

Nothing dances on the tongue quite like the dashed dreams

of the delusional. (cackling)

(squeaking)

-Please stop doing that. -(squeaks forlornly)

(groans)

-♪ Who my bro's, yo? ♪ -♪ We're your bro's, yo! ♪

-♪ Who my bro's, yo? ♪ -♪ We're your bro's, yo! ♪

-♪ Who my bro's, yo? ♪ -♪ We're your bro's, yo! ♪

♪ We're your bro's, yo! We're your bro's, yo! ♪

-(feedback rings) -(all groaning)

Babbling, incoherent... I loved it!

What did you think, Howard?

Loved it. Yo, bro's, you're in the talent show!

Uh, Howard, a word?

What are you doing?

I'm the nice judge, you're the mean judge.

I was just being honest, I liked them.

If people are going to remember us, we have to stick to our characters.

I pretend to like them, no matter what, and...

-I mean it up? -Way up.

You got it, jerkface.

Hey, I'm Juggo, the juggling clown.

Thought I'd do some juggling, and maybe some clowning.

Oh, fantastic, Juggo. Let's see what you got.

-Remember... mean. -(grunts)

-(up-tempo music plays) -Stop! Stop!

-(moans) -You call that juggling?

All you did was throw a bunch of junk in the air and then catch it.

But that's... juggling!

And I can't get enough of it!

What's with his bike? One wheel?

(scoffs) Come back when you got two wheels!

-And regular guy shoes. -(laughter)

Hmm?

Oh, and I almost forgot.

(blows raspberry) Off my stage.

(laughter)

-Well done, mean judge. -And to you, nice judge.

-Who's next? -Auditions are heating up.

Who's got the juice to make it in Norrisville?

-(sobbing) -Not that guy.

-(sobbing continues) -Mmm... Mmmm...

Bingo. (cackling)

(grunts)

(growling)

Okay! Up next looks like we have Theresa Fowler,

and her amazing, twirling sticks.

I'm gonna end this chick.

And I'm gonna boost her spirits with a totally fake compliment.

-Nice judge! -Mean judge!

(screaming)

Juggo? Howard, you're gonna have to fly solo on this one.

-It's... -Yeah, yeah, ninja o'clock.

No worries, I got this.

-Insult blaster is locked and loaded. -(gun cocking, firing)

-(gulping) -(panting)

-Yah! -(screeching)

Let's see you juggle my ninja rings!

Ugh, now you're just showing off, Juggo.

(laughs) Twirling sticks? More like hurling sticks.

I almost blew chunks watching that.

-(laughter) -Off my stage!

Ninja knife-sicles!

(grunting)

-(squealing) -What the juice?

I trashed your pins. (grunts)

Where's the destankage?

Unicycle, natch.

Ninja run, ninja slide, ninja snap!

-(Randy) You okay, Juggo? -Actually, Ninja,

my day's been kind of up and down.

-(screeching) -I should probably, you know...

...fight that.

Judging by your amazing twirling sticks,

I take it you're Theresa...

Not cool, Fowler.

Really? An accordion, Dave.

An accordion. What should I do, guys?

-(all) Off my stage! -Off... my... stage!

-(all laugh, chanting) -Off my stage!

-Off my stage! -Mean judge!

-Off my stage! Off my stage! -Another reject?

What is up with those judges?

I never should've trusted Howard and Sandy.

Oh, stank breath.

-(moaning) -Theresa, you're going to be...

-(growling) -This is getting ridiculous.

Oh, that'll work.

Ninja baton flip kick!

What is with all the stank?

Yah! Ha! Ha! Where do you think you're going?

Ooh, a vent. I wasn't expecting that.

I could do this all day.

-(cackling) -(squeaking)

Come on, Nomicon, help a ninja out.

I can't stop the stank if I don't know where it comes from.

(Randy) Oh, I just got the shivs.

Centuries ago,

a great war was waged between good and evil,

between ninja and sorcerer.

Too powerful to destroy,

the dark one was locked deep underground,

his prison sealed with a sacred stone.

In the darkness he waits, wreaking havoc.

Possessing the vulnerable, using that which they hold most dear,

amassing power from chaos.

Once he gains enough power

he will escape, and darkness will reign.

Preventing this is the sacred duty of the ninja.

The sorcerer is stanking vulnerable students.

Students who have been crushed by the mean judge.

-(all) Off my stage! -I have to stop Howard.

I got my eyes all ready to see dancing fish,

and then you guys come out.

You're not fish, you're not even dancing.

-Uh, we haven't started yet. -(audience) Ooh!

I like you, you're feisty.

You know what else you are?

(audience) Off my stage!

-(cheering) -(humming up-tempo tune)

-(sobbing) -Get it together, ladies.

There's no crying in dance.

Howard, you have to stop.

Every time you reject somebody they get stank from...

-Forget it, Cunningham. Listen. -Howard! Howard! Howard!

The plan worked! We're not faceless Freshman anymore.

Well, I'm not. You've got some catching up to do.

-I've created a monster... -(chuckling)

-(laughing) -... who creates monsters!

(chittering)

Whoa. That's not part of the routine.

-(screeching) -Ugh...

Cunningham, I'm not saying you were right,

-but help! -(screeching)

(cackling)

-(all screaming) -(all shouting indistinctly)

Getting a little heavy on the chaos in this piece.

What are you doing? Everybody loves mean judge.

Smoke bomb! (grunts)

Ninja, you got served... in the face!

Dance fight!

(techno music plays)

Dance fight!

Sweet ninja, it's a krump attack!

(grunting)

Morgan, can you give us the deets on the sitch?

-What does that mean? -Tell us what's happening.

(scoffs) Right now the girls are setting up

for a backside dirty Filbert.

(Randy) Do those words even go together?

If you're a dancer they do.

It's the thing we hold most dear.

(growling)

-Whoa-boy. -(shuddering)

The thing you hold most dear, eh?

Sorry, girls. Looks like your winning move just cost you the show.

Ninja tripping balls! Yah!

(screaming)

Now that's talent. I give it a six out of ten.

-A six? -Now it's a five, you wanna keep going?

I'm gonna give you a five.

-Smoke bomb! -(moaning)

You guys better not even think about mutating at Regionals.

All I want to do is create a little chaos.

Bust out of this hole, enslave the world.

(sighs) Is that so wrong?

(chittering)

What's up? It's H-dub, hitting you live from the N-ville High T-show.

(Randy) Do we really have to do this?

(Heidi) You booked the stage for four hours.

Back From The Yo Bros are the only act you let in.

-Now get out there. -This is all your fault.

We were totally unqualified to be judges.

-(up-tempo music starts, stops) -(audience booing)

Hey, Howard, off... my... stage.

-Me? What about Randy? -You too, Randy.

(audience laughs)

Sweet! They know both our names.

Plan worked! Ten out of ten!

(audience continues booing)

-(groans) -Hmm, chocolate.

(theme music playing)