All language subtitles for Puppy.Love.S01E01_English

MUSIC PLAYS

DOG BARKS

Right.

BREEZILY: Charlie! Charlie?
Lie down.

Oh, for God's sake.

Charlie, lie down.

No, not sit.
Charlie, lie down.

DOG BARKS
Charlie, lie down.
Jasmine, CD off!

Naomi, your work phone's going.

RINGTONE
Ooh! It's one of the trustees!

Hello, Mr Denomer.

Yes. No, no, no problem, at all.
I was working anyway.

Yes, thank you so much for
approving the grant aid I
recommended.

Charlie's weeing again.
(Ravi, can you get the mop?)

Yes, no, exactly.

Why are you so interested
in my crotch?!

Sorry, Mr Denomer! No, I'm talking
to my new puppy. So sorry.

There's police outside.

SQUELCHING

SHE TUTS AND SIGHS

Look, look!
DOG WHIMPERS

Look, look!

DOG WHIMPERS

CHEERING

Thank you.

Yeah, no bother.

Oh, for heaven's sake,
it's not a pantomime.

Could be a banned breed.

CHEERING

They'll most likely put it down.

They can't do that!

It's in the best interests
of the dog.

In the long run.

In you go. Go on.

That's it, good girl.
There's a good girlie.

Right, I'll invoice as usual,
shall I, Pete? Yeah, fine.

And don't forget there'll be
the overnights

till we see if anyone bothers to
claim her.

Thanks for that drink the other
night, by the way. My pleasure.

Oh, I didn't leave my scrunchie
on your bedside table, did I?

I'll have a look for it for you.
Great.

Right, let's take a look at you.
Sit. Good girl!

Down, down.

You're very good with dogs.

I was brought up in children's
homes, so dogs are my life.

What's your secret?

A nice bit of crumbly Cheshire
cheese does the trick.

Ah, he's a little cutie, aren't you?

Sort of. We've been having a bit
of a problem, haven't we, Toffee?

Oh, well, I can help you with that.

Every dog on the Wirral
comes to me in the end.

Nana Vee, agility class Mondays,
puppy class Tuesdays.

Or you can book me for a one-on-one.

Any time.
Number's on the side of me van.

Ravi, have you fed Charlie?

Ummm... I just need to...

The book says the dog must eat
after you.

Charlie, come!

Right, Charlie.

Wait.

Wait.

Charlie, wait.

No, Charlie, wait.

OK, darling. I'm with you now.

Yes, I have fed him.

Jasmine, are you aware of the time,
sweetheart?

Have you got your school bag?

I'm not going to school. Oh, look,
you are perfectly capable

of sitting your Classics A-level
in Year 12

whatever the teacher might say.

What's the point?
I can't live without love.

Jasmine, I do love you.

Not everything is about you.

Well, Dad loves you, too.

Now please, go and do your teeth.

But my boyfriend hates me.

Boyfriend?

Ex-boyfriend!

Who's got a boyfriend!?

BARKING

Right. Morning, class.

How are we all doing today?

Up you get, everybody.

We're going to warm your dog's
muscles up. Oh.

RINGTONE

Nana Vee
for all your dogging needs.

Yeah, no, not chipped.

No, she wasn't chipped.

No collar. We're looking at a
re-homing situation, then.

Only thing is she's
a very aggressive dog.

I might have to charge extras
for a bit of rehab. Yeah.

Yeah, well, the thing is I think
she's very wary of men.

I think she must've been very badly
treated by them at some point.

Haven't we all, eh?
SHE CHUCKLES

Never mind, some day her prince
will come.

I've got to go.

How far did you go?

I still love him.

Look, sorry, can you put this fire
out, please - it's a smokeless zone!

"I ache for you inside."

Jasmine, heterosexual girls of
your age come under

a huge amount of pressure
from young men.

31.6% of girls say they feel
they had sex far too early,

and that goes up to 43%

if they were under 16 at the time.

Look, Charlie... Dog's fur is
probably highly flammable, Jasmine!

Do you remember our chat about
alternatives to intercourse?

Oral sex can be hugely enjoyable
with the right prophylactic.

Wha'?

There are specially flavoured
condoms on the market with...

with edible lubricant which are...
actually perfectly palatable.

Have you been asked to photograph
your vulva on your smartphone?

We were in love.

Ravi, get the fire extinguisher.

Jasmine's been having sex.

Come on, little No Name, let's try
you out on the seesaw.

See how you get on, little No Name.
Wait. Wait.

Wait... Good dog.

Good boy.

That's it, beautiful!

Centred, centred, centred...

Did you say this dog's name's
Toffee? Yes.

I can tell he's a little Evertonian,
aren't ya?

Well, he's a bit young,
but we can give him a go.

Could I just have a chat with you
first?

Sure.
Erm... The thing is...

You've got a problem. I know.
Recall.

Very common at his age. No, no.
He's actually very good at that.

OK. Well, he won't sleep
in his own bed, then?

I actually have him in the bed
with me.

I know I'm not supposed to,
but he was stood outside my bedroom

just howling till I let him in.

So...
I can understand that.

No, no, that's not the problem.

The thing is... erm...

Spit it out.

That's exactly what I say to him.

He's got a taste for other dogs'...

dog...

Dog dirt.

Oh, OK. He's a muck-muncher.

Yeah, well, a lot of this can be
in the breedin'. What is he?

I'm not sure, actually.
My wife chose him.

Your wife... Yeah.

He might be a cross between...

Is it a King Charles spaniel and
a miniature poodle?

A king poo? Living up to his name
then, isn't he?

Is that a health hazard? I mean,
it's very embarrassing, and I...

Well, how does your wife deal
with it?

Erm, well,

she doesn't.

Oh, right, she's one of those.
She's given up, has she? Yeah?

Um... Sort of.

I'm afraid she died.

I'm so sorry.

Oh.

There's me accusing her
of being a lazy bitch.

No, no, it's...
No, no, not at all. It's fine.

No, I'm fine, honestly, it's...

Bless you, you're so young.

Was she older, was that...
was that the...?

No? An accident, was it?

Or one of the cancers?

Look, I...I can see...you know.

Yeah, you've got a problem here.

He's a constant reminder
of everything you've lost.

And he eats shite.

This way, No Name.

In you come.

Ooh...

It's warm work, that, Tony.

Can you pass me the medicated talc?

We've had another reminder about
the rent arrears.

Oh...!

Do you want me to do your creases?

Yeah. OK.

Arhh.

Ohhh... Oh, and don't forget
the top of me bike stand.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me, actually.
Eron, son!

Can you get your grundies together,

Nana's going the laundrette
this avi.

He's moping today.

Well, he's still settling in, isn't
he? He's only been here two days.

Are you saying you just took £4.20
after class on Tuesday?

Oh, yeah, well I only shifted two
pig-ears and a training lead.

Look, we're £183.96 in arrears here.

This is a threatening letter.

Yeah, do you know I think this one's
been scratching all morning.

I need to get a biddy rake through
you, don't I? Yeah.

You need a millionaire.

You can't take it with you, Tony.
Can't take it with you.

I better check your dating inbox.

How do know I've not got my eye
on someone?

You always give it away, don't you?
First date.

So they run a mile.
You're still hanging around, Tony.

What, me, run?
I'm registered disabled!

I haven't felt grass under my feet
for a very long time.

Oh, Eron! Go outside and slice
a square of turf

and put it under Granddad's feet?

I'm going to die in this van,
I can tell you.

Oh, Tony, you're so negative.
This is why I had to divorce you.

Honestly, if I need to get a can
opener and get you out this place,

I'll do it.

Eron, son, shift your backside,

you're two hours late for school
already.

Your cornflakes have gone soggy.
I'm not hungry, Nana.

Your mother put a phone call in
to you, did she?

(That'll be the day.) She said there
aren't enough phones on her wing.

Tony, has the debt collector
got a silver car?

Right.
Stay in the car till I get back.

BEEP OF CENTRAL LOCKING

RINGTONE

Oh, yes, hello there. Yes. No, I
won't be in the office today.

My daughter is school-refusing.

So, erm, I've come straight here.

What is the... What is the boy's
mother in prison for?

107 counts of caravan theft
on the North Wales coast.

Right, OK.

And...

RVs and motor h...

What is a toy-hauler?

Don't worry, I don't need that level
of detail. Don't worry.

OK, I'll... I'll send my report in
as soon as I've interviewed them.

OK, yep. OK, thanks, Bunme.

So you could put the four on
the five, there.

Ah, yes.
Then I can put the two on the three.

That's it, then you're done!
There you go, Tony.

Thank you.
Mrs Singh?

Oh, thank you, no, I won't.
I've got a salad in the car.

But thank you.
Right.

Thank you, anyway.
There you go.

Eron does need to get off.

I don't know how long you're going
to detain him

but he's got to school, you know.
Yes, of course. Yes. Sorry...

Just it's a rather long process.

We just need to ensure all the
suitability criteria are met

and I just need to ask the
appropriate questions.

No Name, hey. Sorry!
Come here.

So, erm...
No Name, come here.

So, essentially what Futures
can offer

to gifted and talented children

of parents who, you know, sadly,
are, erm, in prison,

is to offer financial assistance
support, to enable them to take part

in various enriching and educative
schemes.

Oh, right.

That's in the form of cash, is it,
or..?

Well, no, it would be in the form of
a grant

paid into the legal guardian's
account.

Very good. Very good. So I see here,

that Eron is not particularly
academic... Oh, well, excuse me.

This lad, he's one of the best
footballers of under-18s

in the whole north west.

Absolutely no judgment.

I was going to go on to say that,

that I had seen that in the notes,
which is terrific.

So as long as everything else
is in order,

we may well be in a position
to offer Eron,

erm, some assistance in order to
take part in his chosen field -

or, erm, pitch, perhaps, would be
more appropriate here!

It's absolutely marvellous, this.
I grew up in childrens' homes.

Did you? Yeah.
Nothing like that in my day.

Nothing. No, no...

OK, good.

So, do you have a carbon monoxide,

erm, detector in your second
caravan?

Oh, there's no danger of poisoning
there.

No, can't afford the gas.

No, no. I mean, no-one sleeps in
there... There's a bed.

Well, a mattress.

Tony and I enjoyed that,
the firmness of it. Yeah.

In the days before he got too big
and it got too stained.

Aye.

WEAK LAUGHTER

Well, we may as well move on
to the section about you, Granny.

You walk and train and board dogs,
professionally, do you?

I do. I actually work sometimes
for the police.

Erm, working on, well, usually
suspected banned dogs.

Right. OK. And you have a
licence for that, I presume?

Yeah. Great, OK, so I will just need
a copy of that.

Very good. Yeah, course.

And then these two dogs here...

That one's a, erm, Rottweiler,
is it?

Yeah, this is Eron's own dog.

So that's not a banned breed...
No. ..obviously.

Not illegal, no.

And this one, is there
any illegal...? No...

Well this one's definitely
probably not PB.

That's pit-bull.

Yeah. Right. So how would you...?

How is that proven?
Is that blood tests?

Well, it can be, or characteristics,
you know.

'Ey, come here, No Name.

There's a good girl.

Shouldn't it be wearing a muzzle?
No!

She's soft as spread.

Yeah, I don't know if you can see
this,

if you just look at her
from there,

you can see she's got the eye
of a blue whale.

No?

RINGTONE

Sorry, I'm going to have to get
this. 'Scuse me a moment.

Hello, yes, no, just...
No, you can't walk home. No.

No, just stay in the car, please.

Stay in the car.
There are some very...

There are some big dogs here,
so just wait.

I won't be too long.

All right, just stay where you are.

Stay where you are.
OK. All right, bye-bye.

I'm sorry about that. Erm...

I've been forced to bring a minor
on to the premises.

Oh, right, well, do you want
to bring him in? She.

Erm, no, I don't think...that
would be policy.

Does she want some dinner? Eron, go
ask her if she wants some dinner.

No, I'm sure she's fine.

Eron, go on, son.

Well, I've locked her in, actually.

You've locked her in? I've left
a little crack in the window.

Perhaps I can do it from here?

Let's see... No, that won't do it.

Eron'll sort that out.
Go on, Eron.

Don't worry, Miss.
I'll bring them back!

Oh, no. I wasn't for a minute
suggesting anything else, good Lord!

SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY

Come here, Super Maria.

So, if you can let me have
the dogs' blood test results...

VEHICLE LOCKING BEEPS

Right, yeah, OK.
..that would be great.

It's guilty till proven innocent,
is it?

Or you can just simply remove the
dog from the premises. If there's...

Well, erm...

OK. But I'm sure you're gagging
for your salad.

Yes, I am. So look, I've got
some bumph there,

if you want to have
a look through it.

That will give you an idea
of what we do.

And, yes, we'll be in touch before
too long.

OK. Wait. Wait.

Never let a dog go before you
through a gate or a doorway.

No, the dog needs to respect you.

Ah, right... Wait.

Come on. good dog.

Good girl.

Bye-bye. Ta-rah.

Charlie, no!
Charlie's run off!

What?
I can't get him back!

Oh, my God!
There are dangerous dogs here.

You having problems with your dog?

I can help you with that.

Charlie!

I'll give you some bumph.

That's it, you're running very
nicely now, No-Name.

That's a good dog.

Ahh!
Morning, Nana Vee.

Oh, hello, you!

Oh, do call me Veneta.

Wait. No, wait. Wait. Wait.

RINGTONE
Oh, for God's sake.

Wait. No, wait.

Ravi, hi.

Yeah, I finally managed to get
her off to school.

No, she's still texting this
ex-boyfriend, I think.

Oh, God!

Yeah, no, we mustn't leave her
in the house with access to sharps.

No, one in 12 teenagers
self-harm.

Yeah, but she might be the one.

Charlie?

Well, he's just done a huge poo,
yeah!

Oh, good morning.
Hello. Hello.

Right. I'll text you.
Toffee, no! No!

Stop... Toffee! Toffee, no.

I've got to go cos
I've got to pick up.

OK, bye. Bye.

Right.

Oh, he's bright as Port Sunlight,
isn't he, this little dog?

Was he a good boy?

He was.
Shall I pop him in for you?

Aye. There you go, Dunc.
Does that one nip?

Does she heck, as like. I've got
an old cow from a do-gooding outfit

breathing down my neck.

She's got me running round the vets
this morning looking for negs on
a PB test.

Do you want some cloutie dumpling?
Oh, can I take some for Tony?

Course you can, hen.
That's her.

Mrs Do Good.

BARKING

Hey. Hey. Hey.
An espresso, please.

We must stop meeting like this!

Hi. Hey.

Oh, hello, Mrs Singh.
Oh, hey.

It is MRS Singh, isn't it?
Er, yes.

I was just thinking about you.
Oh, really?

I was thinking about little
Muck Munch. Right.

Now, a dog that eats cack...
Is it his own, or other people's?

Well, other dogs'.

And does he like FRESH...or on
the turn?

Oh, erm...

fresh? Yeah.

Thing is, I don't really know what
to say to people when it happens.

Sorry, I've just twigged, what must
have happened over there.

I'm just... Errgh!

Yeah. How awful! Yeah.

Oh, yuck! Oh, dear!

Actually, funnily enough I was
reading about

it in this puppy book I've got

and it says they can grow out of it.
It's quite common.

It's called coprophagia.

Steady on here,
this gentleman's has a dead wife.

I think we're talking at
cross purposes.

OK, right. Well, we'll carry on
tonight, won't we, Toffee?

We'll do the "Leave it" command.

That's really all you need.
I look forward to it.

Yeah. You might want to take him
to a vet, actually,

because it can mean that they've
got a vitamin deficiency.

Of course, this one, she won't be
at the Puppy Class tonight.

No. Very lovable docile stray, this.

Mmm. Unfortunately, on death
row at the moment.

Oh, no.

Oh, Charlie, do be quiet.

Sorry.

Oh, Mrs Singh, I think your dog's
getting a bit distressed over there.

I think you should untie him,
he might bite a child.

You know, if you need a really
brilliant puppy trainer...

that lady's your man!

Really? Yeah.

Do you think the dog owners'll want
to buy lingerie? I don't know, son.

We've just got to raise some cash
for this heavy coming round tonight.

You know, your mother, she could
always nick a classy teddy.

Look at that.

You've been like a wet weekend
all this wet weekend.

Listen, we're not telling that busy
body, you know.

We're not telling her you've
been chucked off the squad. No way.

Thanks, Nana Vee.
I don't understand.

How can they just chuck a lad out?

Just cos he smoked a spliff?

I mean, even I do the doos.

Well, on a special occasion.

You're too old for that, Nana.
Well, what is it, then, son?

Are you, are you having...FEELINGS?

You can tell your Nana anything.

Oh, it's not another lad, is it?
No!

It could be just a phase.

I mean, Grandad, when he was your
age, he had a bit of a dabble.

I'm not gay, Nana.

Well, whoever you fancy,
don't you be ashamed of it.

Go for whatever's in your heart.

That's what I always do. It's just,
not much of a catch, am I?

Eron, you're a cross between
Lionel Messi and Neville Southall.

I'm just a scally.
No, you're not. You're a Fazackerly.

Remember Granddad's tattoo?

Love Conquers Everything.

Are you a Fazackerly?
I think you might be...

Eron, come back here, lad.

We've got ten packets of chicken
fillets to price up.

Jasmine has stolen one of your
bottles of fizzy wine.

What? This is very worrying.

She left a note. What did it say?

Something about Steph and a birthday
party.

Are you going out?

Look. Alcohol is a depressant.

Can you go round and pick her up.
Can't you go?

Uh-uh. I'm taking Charlie to
a dog training class.

Great.

Maybe it's a sign she's cheering up.

Hey, is it sensible to drink and dog?

Oh, Pete, nice to see you.

How's Cyril's paw?

It's all right, much better.
Thank you. Aw, good.

Look, I've told that bailiff that
we don't own the stock,

so he can't seize anything,
but any sales,

just take the cash straight over
to him. But I need to go, Nana.

Don't be daft, son.

Go make him a cup of tea - two
sugars and a drop of arsenic.

And then can I go?

No, I need you on piddle duty, son.
Ah...!

Oh, Jumble...! Aw, Jumble's looking
a bit down in the mouth.

Come on now - sit.

Good girl! She's getting better
at that, isn't she?

Hi, Nana Vee.
Hi.

Hi, Alexander. We're back.
Great, great.

Great to see you. Yeah.
You, too. Yeah. OK.

Now, listen, why don't you just
take a pew.

Find somewhere nice.

Thanks. Hi, Toffee!

OK, now we're going to move on...

Move on to the "close" command.

Now, er, I'm going to need
a volunteer...?

Erm, anybody?

Alex!

Yeah, Alexander and Toffee.
Up you come.

That's it, stand beside.

That's it, on my right.
Now keep Toffee -

keep the lead in this hand.

Now what we're doing, we're aiming
to get our dog in here.

Yeah?

Just there - the pant line.

Alexander, you just pop your hand
there.

That's it. That's the spot.

Can you feel it? Yeah?
Er, yeah.

And on you, Alex, it'd be...

Do you go commando?

Um, yeah.

Oh, very nice. OK, that's..

Hi, hi! I'm sorry.

Am I too late to join in?

He's been an absolute nightmare,
to be honest.

I thought I'd give it a go.

OK, class, you all have a go at
that,

and I'll just deal with this
late lady.

Do you take cheques?

Oh, sorry, cash.
Cash only, I'm afraid.

Erm... It's £184.96.

Including the VAT.

Right, I don't think I've quite
got that much, actually.

Yeah, I've only got 100.

Erm... Unless you take euros?

I've got some from our mini break
in Dublin. Any legal tender.

Great.
Fine, yeah.

OK, there's 35 there.
Well, that'll do for now.

Erm, we can settle up next week.

Why don't you just take somewhere
to sit. OK.

Eron, son. Take that over
to the bailiff, will you?

Then go tell Grandad
we are out of the woods,

at least for a couple of weeks.
I was never worried.

Charlie! Sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorry, erm, come on, this way.

Oh, Jasmine, popsie,
it's Mum again.

Can you just give me a call
when you get this message?

Steph says you're at Karen's, so...

Yeah, just give me buzz. All right?

Thanks, darling, bye-bye.

I think we're meant to,
er, swap dogs now.

Oh, right. Sort of "You show me
yours, I'll show you mine."

Come here, come here.

Oh, he's gorgeous.

Yeah. Hello...!

I wasn't sure I'd come actually,
but, I thought she might be a bit,
you know...

But you said she's... No, yes.
I've seen her in action.

She's a bit of a dog genius,
I think.

Yeah, well, I was brought up
in children's homes, so I know what
that's like. No, no...

Awfully sorry to hear about your
wife, by the way. Thank you.

Thanks heavens for Toffee,
I should think.

Yeah.

I had absolutely no idea how much
work it was going to be.

Oh, snap!

She's doing very well there.

Any problems here?
No, fine.

Oh, you don't want to be going
near his lipstick. Sorry?

His love wand.
Most males are very discerning

when it comes to having their
privates interfered with.

That depends who does
the interfering.

CAUTIOUS LAUGHTER

Can I borrow Toffee, Alexander,
for a moment?

Of course. Thank you.

Come on, Toffee.

OK, so, Toffee...

Good boy.
And that's it.

You just handle your dog
very straightforwardly.

Through here, like that.

That's it, all the way down...
Good boy!

That's it. Very straightforward
exercise, anyone can manage it.

Now can we have someone, please?
To have a go?

Mrs Singh, and Charlie.

Thank you. Good luck. Thanks.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Right. Yes. OK, so you want to be
coming in from the left.

Right. Sorry.

Come... Charlie, this way.
Point is to go through the poles.

I'm trying to go through the poles.
He just runs off.

OK.

Use your treat, please, Mrs Singh.

Sorry. I haven't got a treat.

Well, that is rule number one.

Has anyone here got a treat?

Thank you, Connor, can you please
give Mrs Singh a treat?

Thank you.

Right, now you bring the dog in
from the right.

That's dog left.

No. Charlie... Come back to the top,
please, Mrs Singh?

I can't, he won't...

OK, I think we'll just call
it a halt there.

Bye, Thomas.

Bye, Noodles!

Well, Toffee did really well.
Ah, yeah.

It's really nice for Toffee
to have a friend to play with.

We'll be down on the beach
tomorrow morning if, er,
Charlie's around?

Oh, wow, yes, that'd be great.

They seem to get on really well,
don't they? Yeah. Sorry.

Well done, Toffee there.

Didn't he do a good job?

Yeah, didn't he? Thank you.

I was thinking of giving you
a complimentary one-on-one tomorrow

down on the beach. We can try him
on some real turds. Wow, that's...

That's really generous. Thank you.

Oh. Will that affect our walk?

Oh, yes. Well, could she join us?

I don't think that'd be a good idea,
actually.

I'm sorry to say this, Mrs Singh,

but I think your dog might be
inbred.

Yeah, pedigrees...

They can be a real liability.

It's sad, but I just don't think
he respects you.

Er, 'scuse me.

Erm, I don't think this is going to
be the right class for Charlie.

What a shame. So, I, er...
I would like my money back, please.

I'll send you a cheque in
the morning.

But I've only just given you
the cash.

Yes, but Tony has already, erm,
banked that.

Oh, right, well, I'll ask him,
shall I? Er, Naomi?

Yes. Sorry, I think you might have
blocked me in here.

Er, I... I'll just be a second.

Mr Fazackerly?

You've let the dog out!

Oh. I'd like my money, please.
What money?

Oh, for God's sake!

Tony? Tony!

Get me some cheese!

Yeah, local police, please?
Thanks, love!

Look, look!

Yes, hello. I've had £100 stolen.

And 35 euros, actually.

Yes, a woman
called Nana Vee Fazackerly.

Look, look...!

The police want to speak to you.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Pete, yeah!

No, sorry, it's just a
misunderstanding with this lady.

Listen, love, can I give you
a call tomorrow.

I've got a bit of a situation
with a dog here.

Yeah, cheers. Thanks.

Look, look!
You couldn't see me out, could you?

I could burst a tyre on these
pallets. Yeah, sure. Look, look!

Yeah, OK... Look, look!
Straight back, straight back.

The other way... Other... Right.
The other way. Which way?

Fine keep coming, keep coming.
ARRRGGHH!

NO, STOP!

You have killed my dog...!

You have killed my dog!

The dog's not dead.

Jasmine!

Is there any chance of moving
the car?