All language subtitles for Marathon.2021.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-CMRG-HI

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

♪ ♪

You know, that's running.

You know, running hurts.

Life hurts.

♪ ♪

I was like, "Hey, Mom,
I'm gonna be on TV."

And, you know, Mom,
she was just like,

"Yeah, right!"

When I cross the finish line,

I will...

♪ ♪

...I don't know.

♪ ♪

That's why you run the race.

Woo!

♪ ♪

Boston is like the Colosseum,

and we're like gladiators

out here in these
small provinces...

(spitting)

...hoping to make it to Rome.

I missed qualifying for
the Boston Marathon last year

by nine seconds.

Do you know how short
nine seconds is?

Okay, well, that was,

that was four seconds, so.

Do you know how short
nine seconds is?

(wind blowing)

That was six seconds, okay.

No, I can get this.

A world record would
mean the world to me.

Validates months of training,

waking up at
6:00 AM each morning,

lost time with
friends and family,

but it'll all be worth it
when I'm in the record books.

My name's Jenna Kowalski,

and I am attempting to
break the world's record

for fastest marathon time
dressed as a fruit.

Victoria King

holds the current record,

four hours,

thirteen minutes,
twenty-four seconds,

dressed as a strawberry.

I'm comin' for you, King.

I started running
when I was in middle school.

It was the only way
I could get away from

my family, school,
just life, it's just

my way of just
copin' with myself.

I've been tryin' to run
a marathon for some time now,

but apparently there
are a number of crimes

that are committed by guys

in gym shorts with no pockets.

Well, I started running

because... I started,

I started running

to get away from my house,

but now I run because

it reminds me of who I was

before.

(baby babbling)

I'm running the marathon
because I'm in a rut.

Well, not really a rut,
like a ditch.

Small ditch.

Wow, okay.

Big map.

Twenty-six miles.

Wow.

Twenty-six miles.

Um.

Shit, 26!

Oh, no.

They should put that
on the website.

Let's go to Rome.

(gun firing)

(cheering)

I founded, uh,
Devil's Canyon Marathon

15 years ago,

um, which it's
an exciting year, 15 years.

We're gonna celebrate
our own way,

The Devil's Canyon way,
as I like to say.

How are you celebrating?

Well, we're celebrating with,
you know, our usual swag,

the medals, and the cheering,

and the, the, you know,

the usual Devil's Canyon way.

Nothing different for 15.

Training in uniform helps
identify trouble spots.

So, friction against
the forehead,

reduced stride,

all these issues have to be
ironed out before race day.

Here's the secret
to running a marathon:

quit early!

(lighter flicking)

Unless you wanna keep recording.

I'm here for it.

We're here for it.

I chose Devil's Canyon because
it's a Boston qualifier.

Like Pre... Steve Prefontaine,

I'm a front runner
in all aspects of my life.

Ugh, God! Oh!

I can't let fear
dictate my decisions.

I wanna run a marathon,
so I'm gonna run a marathon!

Entry form,

Devil's Canyon.

The hardest part about
planning a marathon is

the permit process.

I mean, we've been doing this
for more than a decade,

and we still
haven't been approved.

They started to, uh,
see us coming,

and, uh, locked the doors
at city hall.

I'm just like,

"Guys, it's business hours.

You gotta let me in."

I was training
for my first marathon

when I got pregnant, so...

(baby babbling)

I know, right?

And I had to stop 'cause of you!

But, now I feel like
after a year of being a mom,

I feel like I'm finally
coming up for air.

(baby babbling)

Oh, that's a weird one.

There is a stigma
to being a costume runner.

Faster competitors
don't take you serious,

slower runners think you're

making a mockery
of the marathon,

which couldn't be
further from the truth.

(sighing)

Being the average
marathoner is 35, male,

predominately middle-
to upper-class,

she has 26 miles
to find herself a husband.

No, I... I mean, "alone,"
that's, what does that mean?

I wouldn't date a runner.

Try getting into an argument

two miles into a 20-mile run.

"Oh, you let me win.

Why you passin' me?

Oh, who's callin' you
from this area code?

Oh, she don't look
like a work friend."

None of these houses
are on the market

'cause we moved 'em all.

Yeah, not too much in my life
is on the market right now.

I'm off, uh,
I'm off the market.

I'm not in the dating pool.

I'm taking some
time to focus on myself.

Uh, I've taken two years,
and I think I might, uh,

I might just keep ridin' it
because it feels pretty great.

Miles, can you say "mama?"

Yeah.

(inaudible)

Say, "mama."

(baby groaning)

Can you say "ma..."

(baby blabbering)

Miles can say "mama."

I've heard him say it.

He's called Michael mama.

He's called his
happy hippo mama.

He's called his car seat mama,

but not me.

Hasn't, um,

called me mama, not once.

Not once.

Finishin' a marathon means
provin' my sister wrong

once and for all,

or just once.

She's a triathlete,

and I just "try."

- Her words.
- "I'm tired, I'm hot."

He's like a little baby
that you're just like,

"Come on, grow up already."

He can't finish a marathon.

He can't even tie his own shoes.

Banana, that would not
have been my first choice.

Something more vaginal,
like a guava,

you know?

Men see a guava
running at them...

Papaya, oh, that's beautiful.

I started running
right after my divorce.

Well, actually, it was, uh,

it was when we first
started having problems.

That's when I
picked up running.

Yeah, in hindsight,
the running probably

drew us further apart,

but hindsight's
always 50/50, so.

Same as a divorce, right?

We met at a 5K fun run.

- It was miserable.
- Right.

I didn't wanna look like
I was trying too hard,

so I was breathing
only outta my nose.

Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause I felt like...
- And I literally thought

there was a horse behind me.

- I was like, "Ee."
- Yeah, yeah.

(vocalizing)

I was like, "I have to,

I think I'm gonna have to
take this guy to the hospital."

I feel like if someone
screws up a marriage,

they should have to find you...
however long it takes...

they should have
to keep searching

until they find you

a replacement spouse.

That's just... I don't know,

that just sounds
like human decency.

But I found running, so,
I mean, I'm not alone.

Uh, yeah, I'm single.

I don't see how that has

anything to do
with the marathon.

There's more to women than men.

How's training going?

Well...

I have

six new pairs of socks!

So, pretty well.

And they were like, "Why do
you need pyro for a marathon?"

And it was just like,

"Marathons are boring
without pyro.

It's just people running!"

I think people run for a lot
of different reasons, you know.

Sometimes you're
running to something,

sometimes you're
running from something.

Um, I mean, mostly,
I just run to win.

(microphone thudding)

I run for a sense
of accomplishment

and stress relief.

(sirens wailing)

Yeah, most people
zone out when they run,

not me, I'm just the opposite.

I like to focus on the pain

and the agony of every step.

It helps to pass the time.

(microphone thudding)

Usually, when he sleeps,

um, I run a few laps
around our neighborhood,

but I can only go so far 'cause

the monitor only goes so far.

Hold on, sometimes he cries
and then goes back to sleep.

(baby crying)

Victoria King
ran as a strawberry,

which, honestly,
is a little uninspiring,

but that's why I went...

What?

♪ ♪

Hi. Who?

- Who, who are you?
- Ben Duffy!

I'm running the marathon.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Uh, no.

I don't run anymore.

Um, I already won my medal.

Aw.

Third place!

Did you have that
hiding there?

Bronze, I think it's real.

I don't think anyone
really makes bronze anymore.

I think that's burnzing,
I think is what they call it.

- Burnzing is a...
- I don't think that's

- real bronze.
- We love your storyline,

okay, we really do,
so we're, uh,

all we're doing is
where adding to it.

Why is he running
the marathon as a banana?

Really, really, why?

Well, he... Okay.

- He works for Dole.
- I knew it.

- And... Look...
- Knew it!

- Knew it!
- Look, that is the only way

we could secure
financing for this film.

An actor?

God, no!

He's product placement.

I am a real runner.

I am a real runner

trying to break
a real world's record.

- Mm-hmm
- Well, the two guys that beat me

I don't even think
they were American.

They were Black,
so they could run faster.

I don't... I didn't say that.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, you can say Black.

I don't, I don't
see runners of color.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm not supposed to

- Ba...
- Ba...

Look, I have so many friends

from different neighborhoods.

- Ba...
- I don't even know

- where they're from.
- ...lack.

- I don't ask.
- Yeah, why?

That's not...
Wouldn't you be curious?

Shareef, why aren't marathons more popular

in the
African-American community?

I don't know.

I vote with my heart.

I don't even see
political parties.

Sometimes I don't even vote.

That's how much I see
everyone as equal.

I don't even vote.

Ah, okay.

I run in lane one.

- Yes.
- Come on.

- Oh, lane one... Is that lane?
- Now, yup.

- Yup. Yup
- What lane is this?

You are second banana, lane two.

Okay, maybe from my point
of view, I am first banana.

What did you say?

- This one?
- Yes.

Ha! Ha!

I know who you are.

All right.

Doin' eight miles,
speed intervals mixed in,

pick... God dammit.

Boston, Chicago,
all the big races are,

are pushing out the smaller
mom and pop races like us.

I mean,

shop local, run local.

That's what I say.

Just cooperate, okay?

All right, and we can
make this thing work.

- Yeah, I'll cooperate.
- All right?

- But I'm gonna be...
- Great.

I'm gonna be
a real dick about it.

So how did you
get into running Ben?

My mother was a runner!

Rest in peace.

Osteoporosis.

The doctor said if
she had just eaten more

bananas,

specifically Dole bananas,

she would have stood
a fighting chance.

Wow, Ben,
that's a great back story.

- It's heartfelt and emotional.
- Cut!

Missing Boston again
by nine seconds,

that's my biggest fear,

or a terrorist attack.

Boston strong.

I mean,

the Boston attack, it was,

it was horrible.

And then when I found out that

they had more entries
the next year,

I just... I mean, we,

we can't compete!

Oh, this is, uh,
for testicular cancer.

I'm donating a dollar

for every minute
of my race to charity.

No, that's...

No.

They pay me for every mile,

but then all the money that
I don't get goes to charity.

With running,
you gotta stay on schedule.

You miss one day,
you're screwed!

It's like birth control.

No.

Running just purifies the...

body... I'm sorry, I'm really

having trouble with
how the math works on this.

So, people who run...

What am I supposed to run

slow so I can give more money?

Or do I start with a...

Birth control, you're screwed

first?

Then, if you miss a day,

you're also screwed.

It's not like birth control.

$926, that's...

Well, that's a lot,
that's a lot,

that's a good chunk of change.

I'm not afraid to
donate that, I just,

I mean, I don't think
I should have to pay for

all of the cure either, though.

Um.

You know, I'm not running away

from my identity as a mother,

like, I love being a mother.

I love Miles!

- I think I just...
- Honey, where's his bottle?

It's in the fridge.

(fridge opening)

I think that, um,

- I'm really trying...
- Garage fridge

or kitchen fridge?

It's in the kitchen fridge!

Yeah, it means a lot to me
if you're at the finish line

to eat your words!

I don't see it.

Did you look?

Did you look with your eyes,
are you looking?

- It's in the door.
- Found it, it's in the door.

What was that?

Wait, what?

I know you did the Ironman.

I got the Christmas card!

You put it in the warmer,
and it'll come together.

Sorry.

Um, yeah, I feel like I...

Which cabinet is the warmer in?

(cabinet door squeaking)

- I'm really trying to ident...
- Can I just put it in

- the microwave?
- Are you fucking kidding me?

Has anyone ever been seriously injured

at Devil's Canyon Marathon?

Are we still off the record?

No.

Nope.

Can we talk about
something happy now?

What's your fondest memory of Devil's Canyon?

(sighing)

I don't know.

Night runs are a fun
way to beat the heat,

but you have to take
the necessary precautions.

(microphone thudding)

What's your greatest fear?

My biggest fear

is probably...

(handcuffs clinking)

(helicopter beating)

...global warming?

Fear,

that's why people
run a marathon.

Fear of being fat.

Fear of dying, disease.

In my opinion,
it takes more courage

not to run a marathon.

(water boiling)

Big half marathon tomorrow.

Pre-race meal is critical.

Crab loading ups
the glycogen levels

and prevents the body
from burning reserve fats.

This helps the runner
endure for longer distances.

It's a little perk
of the job, get to...

Before every race,
get to eat a lot of crab.

Em?

- Oh, my God!
- Hey!

- Hey!
- Oh.

How are you?

Good.

Uh, what's with the camera?

Oh, uh, he's filming me
while I train for a marathon.

A marathon?
You're running a marathon?

(laughing)

No.

- Call me sometime?
- Yeah, oh, yeah.

- Okay.
- Uh, good to see you.

- Yeah, you too, bye.
- Okay.

Bye!

That's "Big Dick" Brian
from high school.

He's a quarterback.

No, it's not
what everybody does.

It's what I do.

I'm not most runners, okay?

If I had meant carb loading,
I would have said carb loading.

I mean crab loading.

When their carbs give out,

that's when my crabs kick in.

Aw, man!

"Big Dick" Brian!

It's the little
things in life, huh?

Oh! He's a doctor...
No, wait, I'm sorry.

He's a dentist.

Dentist.

That good?

- Yeah, you're good.
- I'm good?

I feel something.

Oh, yeah, is it?

Yeah, let's just
follow the leader, huh?

Yeah, carb load.

Great idea, Jeff, mm.

I'm not gonna do that,
you know what,

this is fuckin' ridiculous!

It's a documentary!

You shouldn't be
asking me questions.

♪ ♪

(microwave whirring)

♪ ♪

♪ Get, get your ♪

♪ Come on baby get your oh ♪

♪ Oh baby come on get it baby ♪

♪ Oh baby come on sweet lady ♪

♪ I need you lordy I need you ♪

♪ Oh darlin'
oh sweet darlin' ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Lordy I love you ♪

Ya can't bring up
that he's an actor.

He is an actor.

Kind of.

- Yeah. No!
- He's not very good.

Devil's Canyon
was four months out

when I decided to
try for the record,

so schedules lined up perfectly.

(Ben crying)

It's where we buried
my mother's ashes.

Her brittle bones crumbling
through my fingers like

chalk!

(sobbing)

Stupid! Stupid!

(crying)

I wouldn't run a marathon
for two reasons.

The first, um, I don't really
like the clothes that you wear.

Uh, they're not
flattering to my body type.

I look better in,

in more upscale
sort of clothing.

Secondly,

I don't enjoy
the people that run.

This is what we call
a tune-up half,

or a tunie halfie,

but I never half-did
anything in my life.

Wish me luck.

You're not gonna say it?

It's a superstition,

I need you to say, "Good luck."

Fine, all right,
good luck, Jeff!

Say, "Good luck."

Say, "Good luck."

Even a fly would say,
"Good luck."

Hey, good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Jesus Christ!

So, you know, you go to,
like, parks and libraries,

anything they can kind of,
like, stare at, or, like,

run around and try to destroy.

Okay!

Miles, you ready?

Do you know where the keys are?

Mama's keys?

(musical toy playing)

Did you throw it
down here, honey?

The longest I've run

outside is about three miles.

The police chased me
for the last 800 meters.

A treadmill's convenient
for a lot of reasons.

You just can't jog around
the neighborhood every day.

That'd be crazy!

(breathing heavily)

Um, can you just like,

can you just watch him
for just a second?

(microphone thudding)

Television commercials, nothing.

The radio commercials,
that was fun.

I did all the voices.

Yeah, I can't afford
a voiceover guy.

Those, those pros are expensive.

(baby crying)

I read in an advertising book

that I got at
the library one time

that you need to, uh,

get it into people's heads

seven times before
they remember it.

So, we just said,
"What's that?

"Devil's Canyon."

Seven times.

Miles, say, "mama."

- No.
- No?

(baby cooing)

We did get a call from,

from, from Disney

saying to...

They gave us a cease and desist.

"He has more of a
Southern California drawl."

"Mine is,
you know, Midwest."

♪ M-A-R-A- ♪

♪ T-H-O-N ♪

♪ M-O-U-S-E ♪

Set a PR, personal record.

Still feels like
I'm slumming it.

I don't wanna say I'm
better than these runners,

but I am faster than they are,

so draw your own conclusions.

Hey, good race, you guys.

Good race.

Losers.

(dog barking)

Sequoia doesn't think
running's a real sport.

It's not!

If everyone can do it,
then it's not a sport.

Is shitting a sport?

(grunting)

In high school,
I was all-state.

Oh, great, you do
insurance commercials too?

Yeah, I'm auditioning for them.

I'll tell you what's a marathon,

scrolling through your
entire Facebook timeline.

"Big Dick" Brian.

I can't just call him,
I gotta like,

"Woops, we ran into each other.

Oops, not again!

Woops!

Call me."

See what I'm saying,
so, figure out where they go

instead of calling him.

Is that weirder?

Feels better.

Hey!

- Why do you hate me?
- Because you're a fraud!

I'm an actor.

What's the difference?

He's gonna call.

You can just tell

from his eyeballs.

He's gonna call.

I'm sorry.

♪ ♪

(moaning)

But if he doesn't,
but if he doesn't call,

I think my mom is still
friends with his mom, so.

(moaning)

What happened
to Marathon Mouse?

He's, he's dead.

I mean, not the character,

the guy in the suit.

He had heat stroke,

and, um, it was 115.

(cheering)

And, I don't know if you
know this about heat stroke,

it kind of changes
your brain chemistry,

so he, um...

(whistling)

...he got violent.

And, in his mouse costume,

he went around,

and just went on a rampage.

Just this gigantic
mouse rampage.

And he just, just
knocked over tables,

just pushed over children,

and was just being an ass.

Boston flight is

booked!

(chuckling)

Confidence breeds confidence.

There's an old saying,
"Man makes plans

and God laughs"

out of joy

because he's glad that you're
setting a goal for yourself.

Ugh.

Playgrounds are cesspools.

I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be fine.

It's just a little setback.

I'm not that sick,
it's just a little sick.

It's just kind of
in my bones right now,

so it's just gotta come out.

(birds chirping)

Today we're gonna be runnin',

and in addition to
the weight of my body,

I'm gonna have two and a half
pounds of extra weight

on each ankle.

Eat your heart out, Boston.

(Velcro ripping)

Eat your heart out, Boston.

Oh, God, they're heavy.

Wow.

It's on!

Oh, I didn't fill it.

What happened
between me and Ben

is nobody's business
but our own.

So, no comment.

We totally banged banana suits.

We fucked.

I mean, Jenna's
a perfectly lovely person.

I mean, she has tics,
but we all have tics, right?

I do have a sex tape, so.

It's called Too Little Too Late.

I mean, the budget wasn't
too crazy on the sex tape.

The woman cost
something, you know.

Obviously, you're not gonna get,

you know, a lay person to
just do it for free, you know.

Obviously,
you have to pay for it.

Not that I'm admitting
being with a call girl

on camera.

Sorry, why don't you guys
just roll that back

and cut that part out?

(microphone thudding)

(chuckling)

Hope you're hungry, Jeff,

'cause you're gonna be
eating my dust

all day.

All you can eat dust buffet.

Catch up if you can,

slow poke... Whoa!

Okay, yes, we slept together.

Ben's a method actor,

so it was a bit odd.

(groaning)

Lot of yellow.

But I saw a different
side of Ben.

Once you peel back
the, uh, outer layer,

there's a sensitive
soul underneath.

I hope you enjoy
your muscle cramps.

I hope you enjoy all of your
muscles cramping on you.

Oh, now you wanna run away.

Now you wanna run away
because you know I'm right!

That's why.

What can you tell us
about Sequoia?

She's a great motivator.

She used to bully me

and still does to this day.

Every month, I get
a sports bra in the mail

and an issue to Women's Fitness.

Why do you keep 'em?

Not everything,

um,

goes back to where
it's supposed to go.

Did you know that
a bladder can drop?

I didn't.

Vagina stays there,
thank goodness,

but it spreads open,
and it rips and tears.

There's an old poem, uh,

"A road diverged in the woods,

and I took the one
less traveled by."

(birds chirping)

A champion takes their own path,

which is why we're going

there.

Feels right, doesn't it?

It's a feeling you get here.

Bladder is so,
so tired and weak.

Oh, what a weak little bladder!

It's just gonna fall.

Oh, no, pee-pee time!

Makes her very sad.

Oh, she's not
a grown woman anymore.

Why? Why?

What a dumb idea,
I should have wore a condom.

But I do think this the way
back to the car, seriously.

I'm getting hungry.

Hup-hup, let's go!

Hup-hup, come on!

Wanna get your Lunchable,
don't you, Jeff?

You know all
the nitrates in that?

You're gonna kill yourself.

Oh, Jesus.

Kegels, Kegels, Kegels, Kegels.

What, uh, what's your

favorite theatre role?

Ah, well, I've been
working on Hamlet.

Speak the speech,

I pray you!

To think not my...
Nope, not my line.

Oh, God, who wrote this?

Trail running,

they can't teach you
this on the pavement.

And you make yourselves,

uh, another.

You jig, you am...

You a...

Huh.

That's a little,

- little racy.
- You know it's weird

that you're not saying Black,

- like it's even weirder now.
- I haven't even,

- I haven't e...
- Because you can't say it,

then it's making it

- really weird.
- We haven't even had

dinner today.

And all of our neighbors,
yeah, are Caucasian,

but I don't think
that that makes me

- in a different neighborhood.
- Safe.

- It makes you feel safe.
- No, it makes... No,

it doesn't make us in
a different neighborhood

because our neighborhood
isn't this block.

Our neighborhood
isn't this county.

Our neighborhood is America,

and America is entirely

the same.

It, it...

We're not.

That's where all
the conflict comes from.

Well, we saw the mountain
on the way in, so.

I guess that
doesn't really help.

At least we know
we're in the same park.

- I will be here...
- No, please,

don't use the stove.

- Don't turn it on.
- No, I would never!

- Okay.
- No, no, no.

I only turn one thing on.

(laughing)

Oh, God!

All right.

Rewind the footage, yeah?

See if we can
spot a landmark.

All right, you know what,
give me the camera!

Give me the camera!

(screaming)

Go! Go!

Fuck! Oh, fuck!

It's broken!

Oh! Go get help!

Go! Go get help!

(moaning)

I lost five pounds!

(slurping)

Ah!

Oh, how did it bruise so fast?

Oh, Godspeed, Jeff.

Godspeed.

Come back with help.

God dammit, Jeff!

Go!

Go!

Ah!

Ugh!

(crying)

My fondest memory,

uh, is the look on

the kids' eyes

when they see their mom or dad

crossing the finish line

throwing up.

Just the looks on their faces,

they're just like,

"Why is Daddy doing this?"

I was trying to get
a toy of the ground,

and something happened.

I mean, it's fine.

Um, just a little setback.

We can keep going.

Let's keep going.

Ah!

What do you think about
when you run?

My sister once told me
I was a mistake.

That's hard not to think about.

Other than that,

I guess my pace.

What do you dream of doing?

Oh, I love dreams!

One time, I was dreaming
that I was a kitten,

and I was caught in a field,

and there was this mouse
I was tryin' to get.

And every time
I'd try to get it,

he just ran a little bit
further into the field.

Mm.

(both sighing)

I like your place.

(chuckling)

♪ ♪

♪ Well, the smoke ♪

♪ just settled down
when you appeared ♪

♪ Your face ♪

♪ it made my vision
crystal clear ♪

♪ If I miss my destination ♪

♪ that's all right with me ♪

♪ I just wanna
settle down with you ♪

♪ My marigold ♪

♪ You're marigolden ♪

♪ My marigold ♪

♪ You're marigolden ♪

♪ ♪

I don't, I don't understand
young men these days.

Young, young men...

...swiping things.

When I met my husband,

it was at a, at a, um,
mixer thing for our work.

And he said,
"I'm gonna call you."

And he called me 24 times
in the next 24 hours.

That was one time an hour.

I saw his car, and I said,
"Let's get married."

You can't run
behind a woman because

she thinks you're
staring at her ass.

But then, you can't
run in front of her

because she's
starin' at your ass.

(birds chirping)

Always go 50/50 on a check.

That's cool now.

Unless it's your birthday,
then, like,

someone else's problem.

Where they take the spaghetti

and then they meet
in the middle, and they kiss,

they spaghetti kiss.

It doesn't happen also because

no one orders a plate
of spaghetti to share.

Like, you'd each have
your own plate of spaghetti,

so it doesn't work.

It doesn't work like that.

Ugh!

No setbacks.

Boston,

here I come!

Hope you're ready
for me, Boston,

'cause I'm comin' with a full,

full head of steam.

(clanging)

Oh, no.

Michael!

(treadmill whirring)

I'm goin' crazy, man.

I feel like a Nike lab rat.

As we all know, Nike is,

uh, the famous Greek
goddess of victory.

I am designing the Achilles,

the famous Trojan war hero.

That's, that's not
a desired effect.

Some people have insoles.

I mean, these
are just out-soles.

The glue still
needs to dry a little bit,

or I think it's too dry.

Just gonna stretch it down.

Just takes about, you know,

three or four hours.

The Achilles.

Rah, Trojan war!

You've gotta wear shoes
to get by in life.

Have you ever walked down
a street without your shoes on?

It hurts!

Oh! Ow! Oh!

Why are you sitting down?

Jeff, get up.

We're not staying long.

Get up, we're running here.

Ah!

We're running,
come on, let's go.

No, I'm fine.

It's not that bad.

(breathing heavily)

It's... You think this is bad.

(laughing)

(coughing)

Ah! Ah!

(groaning)

Running has

probably only negative effects.

A healthy run would be like,

"Oh, my bus!"

We should get back
out there soon, I just,

I just got, I think I have
a rock in my shoe.

Not even a rock,
probably like a pebble.

I'll just take my shoe off,
and get the pebble outta there.

Oh!

Oh!

Right there, that was the one,

that was the culprit, so.

That's the one.

Ow!

It's an old evolutionary tool

that was used to use
to run from wild animals.

I don't see any wild animals.

Why? 'Cause they're
all in the zoo.

Ow!

Ow!

(gong ringing)

The wall is, uh,
one of the things that you

experience when you are...

I don't know.

I don't know what the wall is.

The wall is like, uh,
an electric fence.

You think it's gonna
hurt too bad to go through...

(electricity zapping)

...but you don't know
'till you get to the other side.

What do I do?
The wall, the wall marathon?

Will that Google get me
what I'm lookin' for?

You could just
tell me what it is.

The wall's not real.

It's a self-imposed
mental block...

(popping)

...like menopause.

I hit a wall every day.

I am a mother.

How to beat the wall.

Hit the wall,

understanding
why you hit the wall.

The wall?

The wall is systemic racism.

(squashing)

Is it like a block?

I got it, it's like
a marathon block.

It's like you can't,
it's like when you hit the wall,

you're like, "Ugh,
I can't run anymore!"

I hit that wall
when I got the packet,

so we're past my wall.

Well, I don't know
what the future holds,

except the marathon.

But, yeah, yeah,
I could see myself with Ben.

(screaming)

When you marry someone, you,

you share something that you
don't have with anyone else.

And so,
there's definitely, uh,

a part of me that, uh,

would definitely want
to have her back

in my life.

Ryan walked in on me
cheating on him...

twice.

That was a rough week.

I have a lot of regrets
about that relationship.

We were married two years.

The second time he caught me,

he just turned and ran.

He kept running.

I wanted to chase
after him, but...

Do you know what a sex swing is?

- Let's just put it this way.
- Oh, this is serious.

Life is a race,

and one of the reasons
I quit running

is because I feel like,

um, we're not all starting
from the same place.

Mm.

The finish line
is a straight line,

but the starting line,
no one talks about that.

The starting line is,

is an, is an uneven line,
and sometimes

the line is even,

it's not even how close it is.

Sometimes the line is lower,

and people have to
climb out of a hole to start.

Not even just that they're back.

Black!

Black!

I like Black people!

Okay, you can say it softer.

I'm sorry.

A felony jaywalking.

Ben?

No.

Nope. I don't know Ben.

I would like to first say
thank you

and I would also
like to propose a toast.

I'm not toasting!
I'm not toasting!

I don't like you! Sit down!

- Oh my god.
- Ben!

I got it, I got it.

♪ Go to sleep ♪

♪ It's time to sleep ♪

You have to trust your daughter.

I have a ring.

- My parents are real people.
- This is not for the camera.

Please, they're confused
and they don't want to...

Will you marry me?

Oh my god.

♪ You are my son,
that's the truth ♪

♪ Don't forget
to brush your tooth ♪

The only thing
I could do for her

is get my pistol
and put a hole...

- Dad, do not, please.
- Can I have the mashed potatoes

- perhaps?
- Yeah, yeah.

- I'm so sorry, okay.
- Careful, they're hot.

Yes of course.

- Okay, okay, sorry.
- Ah!

- Careful.
- Yup, I get it.

♪ Breathe ♪

♪ Bop bop bop ♪

♪ Sh, breathe ♪

I don't think that's helping.

He's just getting more...

♪ Boop boop bop boop boop bop ♪

...pumped up.

What else do we do?

I don't know what else to do.

No, there's no banana thing.

He's just like...
Ben, are you okay?

- Ben? Ben?
- Let him choke.

- Ugh.
- Oh god.

Ben!

- Dad, I'm so sorry.
- I am so sorry, sir.

Dad, I am so sorry.

What is wrong with you?
Was that real?

- You just spit your own...
- I am so sorry.

Honey, honey,
can I see the ring?

- It's really pretty honey.
- Show you mother the ring.

If one more goddamn banana walks
through that front door...

♪ Hallelujah ♪

I Ran With the Devil.

Yah!

We got into some trouble
with some groups

who thought that
it promoted Satanism but...

you know...

I think we invite
all people to run.

We do have a few Satanist
who run in the marathon.

They're very nice people.

Did it all myself.

So these are all,
you know, triple XL.

Um.

But I...

Oh, sorry.

Hold on one sec,
I need to take this.

Hey.

This is a pleasant surprise.

How you are?

Did you interview my wife!

Get back here!

- Cramp! Cramp! Ah, ah.
- Oh god, okay.

Okay, just let it go,
just let it down.

My times have slowed a little.

It's common.

Quit.

Just quit.

(treadmill humming)

Don't you have
this shot already?

Last year we have a picture of a
running crossing a finish line.

This year, um...

this year we got

a couple of MMA fighters

pounding on each other.

Um, we have this guy
pinning this guy down

and he's about to give him
a good old wallop.

No, no it's non-refundable.

Um.

Uh and you know...

we got a bunch of them so.

It's kind of what
we've got to work with.

So, err.

Poom, poom, poom,
Devil's Canyon.

I ran with the devil, mm!

I think it works.

Momma! Momma!

Momma, momma, momma.

Say momma.

Say momma.

(baby mumbling)

I don't want to be...

Jeff, get back!

I don't want to be
in a documentary

about running a marathon
if I can't run in the marathon.

It's embarrassing.

Can I at least
get a new camera man?

No, is there a problem?

No, he's just... he's just Jeff.

That's the thing about him,
he's very duplicitous.

He's able to lie,
he's like a chameleon.

Well intentioned simpleton.

He spit on a nun the other day.

I mean, whether you decide to
get me a new camera man or not,

I think you should,
I think you should

based on what I've told you.

It's one of my favorite parts.

Is the design,
the swag, the stuff.

It's all about... it's... I mean,
it's about the people

but it's mostly about the stuff.

Stay outside, I'm having
a conversation right now.

It's private.

Staying out there.

He pilfered some
of my silverware.

We were trying to do something

and there was this jingling that
we heard

and it ended up being
a bunch of forks and knives.

It was actually
my wedding silverware

which is very dear to me
because obviously,

I've been through a lot.

I've been divorced
and it still means a lot to me.

That silverware is a family...
a family heirloom.

Goddammit Jeff!

Goddammit!

I'm secretary at a law firm.

Uh, Rodrigues,
Rodrigues and Rodrigues

but my boss,
Rodrigues numero dos

said that he would pay
for my law school if I got in.

His wife had a stroke
during a turkey trot

so he's inspired by my
"brave stance

against long distance running."

How's Abby doing?
Is she okay?

Seems like we got an empty nest.

We're all clear here.

(action noises)

Oh, oh! Get down.

Get down everybody!

Get down!

(mimicking gun fire)

I killed a man once.

I slit his throat
from ear to ear.

And then I realized
it wasn't a man at all

but an animal.

It's okay, it's just one-way.

He can't hear me.

(baby crying)

Oh.

(baby crying)

I'm real worried okay.

(knocking)

This is a marathon documentary
footage.

I, Ryan O'Brien have taken over
principle photography.

If you notice a strong uptick
in the quality of footage

at this point of the film,

that is to be expected.

I'm going to be sharing entries

from my running diary.

This is a great way
to chart your goals,

keep track of injuries,

hold yourself accountable.

"Take a look back
at your training logs

to remind yourself that
you've done everything possible

to prepare,
the race is the run part

where you get to see the hard
work pay off, enjoy it."

Okay, well.

This is one of my favorite
quotes

from Prefontaine.

The suicide pace
is my favorite pace.

And today seems
like a good day to die.

Shareef, what's your favorite
running quote?

When you put the cleats on,
make sure they fit.

Ugh, ah.

Oh god.

Just in time for
a little feetsy massage.

No.

(shouting)

Ow, just let it go,
just let it go.

Oh my god, oh my god!

Ugh!

I mean, define "Enjoy."

Does anybody enjoy anything
that they do really?

I mean, you know,
you have to endure somedays.

Somedays are better than others.

Some days you just want to like,

you know,
take a sawed-off shotgun and...

and just go shooting
at a shooting range.

I mean, you know,
that's all I would do with that.

Um.

And that's a good day.

(baby shouting)

Ow, fuck.

Ugh, god.

I think I'm okay.

(baby crying)

Shit.

I won 50 dollars!
I never do this.

I just picked this up
for fun and look at that.

I won 50 bucks.

It's just a scrape.

It's nothing.

It just looks... it looks
worse than it is.

So yeah.

See? Everything's fine.

The badge of motherhood.

Like everyone, I have doubts
and insecurities

and moments of weakness.

When you're trying
to do something great

like break a world record

you just have to work
through those hang-ups.

If it were easy
everyone would run a marathon

dressed as a fruit.

Look back at history.

Say oh, here look at this.

This banana beat
this head of cabbage

with the short legs.

She's running around
in fruit clothes.

They lowered the Boston
qualifying times.

There was an increase
in the number of entries.

Is your flight refundable?

Is my flight refundable?

That's the first question
you have for me?

Not is there anyway
that I can still get in?

It would be like
if my mom died and you asked,

"Can you return the Mother's Day
card you bought?"

You are fucking inconsiderate.
Fuck you, Jeff!

No, I can't return... I can't
get a refund on my flight!

No flights are refundable now.

The airlines are brutal.

- What if...
- Uh-huh?

...you don't run the race

but we watch it?

That sounds like the
most bringing thing

I've ever heard.

(TV murmuring)

You gotta what,
four bedroom house

stucco exterior, I'd say...

♪ ♪

It's over, huh?

You gotta keep
firing positive arrows,

- positive arrows.
- Okay, positive arrows.

- Positive.
- Positive arrows.

We probably know

that she's not going to
break the record but...

Oh god, oh thank you, Jeff.

♪ ♪

Can I use that footage?

I'd like to see it
before I approve it.

Am I nervous about tomorrow?

No. Hell no.

You know why?

I know my lines, I'm ready.

You don't lose
when there's a script.

- Ben.
- Calling my parents.

(line ringing)

Hello, we are not available now.

I'm an optimist but not...

I mean, there's gotta be
a limit to what you, you know.

An optimist but?

Marathon's tomorrow.

God, that came fast.

You're never going to be ready.

You always want more days...

And why is my hand wet?

Michael, did you
spill something here?

(sniffing)

What is this?
Tell us what this is.

(baby crying)

(sighing)

I can't sleep. I'm too nervous.

I don't know what's gonna
happen tomorrow but

I just gotta hope for the best
and plan for the worst.

I, Shareef Washington,

declare that this is my will.

However, I am obviously
not sound of mind and body

as I'm determined to run
a marathon tomorrow.

In the desert.

With white people.

(fire crackling)

I want to be alone, Jeff.

♪ ♪

♪ Well soon early one morning ♪

♪ Death come creeping
in the room ♪

♪ Soon one morning ♪

♪ Death come creeping
in the room ♪

♪ Oo ♪

♪ Oo ♪

♪ Death come creeping
in the room ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ I know that my time
ain't long ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh death ♪

♪ Oh death ♪

♪ Down that lonesome road ♪

♪ Death ♪

♪ Oh death, hey ♪

♪ Down that lonesome road ♪

♪ Oo ♪

♪ Oo ♪

♪ Down that lonesome road ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ I know that my time
ain't long ♪

♪ ♪

Look at view.

Huh?

Breathtaking, right?

Everything you could ask for.

Okay, we don't need that guy
in the landscape, great.

'Cause I like looking
at pictures of landscapes

but when I'm out here
it's like ugh,

I have to walk all the way
out here to look at it.

(sighing)

I hadn't even looked behind me
until just now.

It's gorgeous, isn't it?

Which one is Devil's Peak?

That one there.

Right there.

Or it could... It might be
that one.

Definitely that one.

Look who decided to show up.

You're 30 minutes late.

Oh sorry, Jeff... Jeff called out.

More like I called him out.

So he's not coming back or?

Did he say any...
did he give a message

to tell me or anything?

Okay, fine, yeah whatever.

Let's just roll.

After a long night

and multiple
running diary entries,

I've decided to attend
the race as uh...

as uh...

spectator.

To support my fellow runners.

I'm sorry, I'm not...
Are you sure you registered?

Yeah, oh,
I just saw it right there.

- Oh there it is.
- Can you do it again?

No, that's...

Thirty minutes late and you
want to get another take.

I'm not a machine, this
is just what I'm going through.

- How do you say that?
- Sha-Reef.

Got it.

- Shareef.
- What?

- Have a great run.
- Here we go.

(indistinct chattering)

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ah!

Ah-ha.

What happened?

I fell!

Ugh, ow!

- All right.
- It's the bones, Jenna.

It's the goddamn bones!

- Thank god for all the bananas.
- Cut the shit!

Okay, are... are you
really not running?

Look, I'm only contracted
to do the training, okay.

I'm not gonna run
an actual marathon.

- Ugh.
- Who steals crutches?

Even if they're just laying out.

Who steals them?

I struggle to imagine
that someone

who actually needed them
stole them.

I... I gotta go to Florida.

They want me at the Miami Zoo.

They're opening up
a monkey sanctuary

and Dole wants me
to cut the ribbon.

That's it?

What about Shakespeare?
What about us?

Like if I had left out
like a hat or like a shirt.

Like then if it was gone
I'd be upset but it's on me.

What... what are you even
gonna use a crutch for?

I'm not an actor.

I'm product placement.

Hang on, no, no.

Just go...
just...

(groaning)

It hurts!

It hurts the bones!

The goddamn bones.

A couple of announcements.

All right, wow, great turn out.

Paramedics are on-call
for any injury

but the reception
has been spotty.

So it's best to get hurt
between miles six and thirteen.

Six and thirteen.

Yeah, I really liked her.

Can even say I loved her.

Whatever... whatever that means.

I mean, we were together
for six weeks

which is an eternity
in actor's time, you know.

What will you do with the money?

Hm.

LA baby, should be enough.

- Hey, Benny boy.
- How's it going?

- Hey, good, good.
- Yes!

- I have... I have some great news.
- Yes!

- Yeah?
- I am ready for my check.

Dole's or mine?

What?

You're running the race.

What race? What do you mean?
What does that mean?

Respect the cones everyone.

Please, just have some
respect for the cones.

- Okay.
- I'll be there holding this.

Okay, look for the guy
holding this all right.

(sighing)

Fuck!

Great news, you're up.

Water, it's important
to keep hydrated.

There's, uh,
there's gonna be water every...

I think at least
at the beginning

and at the end of the race

there will be water
for everybody.

There's ' something in this one.

So I'm not gonna...
I won't... I won't...

I check these every five minutes
for dust, for mites.

I had a runner one time
he had a drink of water

and he swallowed a scorpion.

How does everybody feel?

Woo! Yeah!

Is everybody ready
for a race or what?

Okay, we have to reserve that
for the start of the race, Eric.

No, no, I got dreams of my own.

What? Your dreams are
my dreams, goddammit!

Oh, fuck you, you do not
deserve this Hamlet book.

Fucking take off that
banana suit, mother fucker!

You fucking take it off.

Any other questions
from anybody?

What's the marathon
in the metric system?

Like how many kilometers?

I don't... I... We're in America
okay.

We use the American system.

You might have some
international runners, Ed.

Okay, any international runners?

Nope, I hear nothing.

So 26.2 miles.

That's what we're sticking by
everybody.

I... I can't do it.

Please don't make me do it.

It might work without
the batteries though.

It doesn't work without
the batteries, Eric.

(indistinct shout)

Fuck!

Ugh!

Okay, thank you,
thank you so much, Eric.

- So guys...
- You guys might see

rabbits on the trail.

Do you want to stand on here?

Do you want to stand on the box?

Do you want to do that... No, no
that was a rhetorical question,

Eric, the command will be
runners on your mark

and then I'll sound the air...

Goddammit Eric.

No.

Okay, I'm going to
do the air horn.

And then the race will start.

(chugging)

(coughing)

Not one Boston qualifier
in the bunch.

Thought this was a race.

This looks like a support group

for people with
muscular atrophy.

What was there a sale
on workout gear?

This looks more like
a potato sac race.

Today's the big day.

What we've all been waiting for.

Netflix releases
Season Two of Benched.

A true story
of a pro football player

turned trial lawyer.

Fifteenth annual
Devil's Canyon Marathon.

- Woo!
- With our brand new arch

this year, how about it huh?

All right, let's count it down.

- Five...
- Three... No, no, no.

You never... you never start
from five.

You always start from three.

- It's always three.
- Why three?

- Three!
- Three.

Two... okay.

Ugh.

Let the marathon begin!

Three, two, one!

Oh, is it supposed to do that?

No, no, no, it's coming down.

It's coming down.

Hold it back up, hold on.

- No, no, no.
- You're not doing good.

- Don't...
- No, no, no, no.

Get back on this side.

No, no, no.

Okay, go! Go, go everyday!

It's time to go.

Watch your head,
watch your head!

Timer, timer, timer.

Do the timer.

Yay!

♪ ♪

Most participants
are in so much pain

that they forget to appreciate
their surroundings.

So I remind them.

You're not even looking!
You're missing it!

It's like you're running through
a Monet landscape, you idiot!

Do you hate nature?

What's wrong with you.

Assault and battery,
we'll kill them too.

I paid 35 dollars to be in this,
I get a shirt.

It's kind of like a reward
for finishing the race.

I can't just give you
a tee shirt.

- I'm on that list.
- I don't want to hurt

an injured person.

You're not getting a shirt!

They're for race finishers!

♪ ♪

Okay, come on.

Come on.

Do you run?

Oh no, no, I don't run.

Never have never will.

- Oh hey!
- You cut the course.

What? No, Jenna,
that is in the past.

Okay? This is the now.

- Mile 12.
- Mile 4.

What?

Fuck! Fuck!

I gotta finish this race.

For Dole?

No, not for Dole.

For the money.

For you.

For the money and you.

It's close, 50/50 I don't know.

I can't have you running
with me, okay.

You can run next to me
but you gotta keep up...

- Race yah!
- Shit.

You run ugly.

Slow down!

Slow down!

Ugh, ugh god.

You have to put a lot
of pressure on yourself.

What's a race without water?

They wouldn't finish
is my point.

They'd end up...

the whole goddamn desert
would be full of bodies

if it weren't for me,
if you really think about it.

Just CGI my legs.

- It's a real race, Ben.
- Ugh.

May the record reflect
that I hold the record

for passing touchdowns.

♪ ♪

(clinking)

♪ ♪

Hey, can you go get me a water?

(clinking)

Water, water, baby.

Grab it and go, grab it
and go baby.

Hey, baby.

Look, if people
are hydrated that's...

then my... there's
a whole lot less work

that I need to do
and if my job's done...

I'm happy, I don't even...

don't even need to be there.

- Just carry me.
- No, no Ben!

I'm not carrying you.

I carried you through
this whole process.

Ugh.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Go long.

How about 15 years long?

- Fuck you!
- Ben, come on!

- You fucking bitch!
- Ben!

It's just a runner, Ben.

He's not even in costume.

I don't remember
getting a water.

I went to get it.

- Yeah, yeah.
- I did.

Yeah what happened?

I can get you another one.

No, I'm over it.

(heavy breathing)

Yay, Momma, you run!

Do the best, you're number one!

Hey!

Hi.

- Abby?
- I'm so happy.

- Abby, you okay?
- I'm so happy.

Sweetheart?

Jenna!

Jenna!

What happened to your number?

Are you limping?
Or is that how you really run?

I forgot to register.

I forgot.

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.

And that doesn't even matter.

Here.

That's Gatorade.

I filled up Miles' bottle
with Gatorade?

Ugh.

Why would you have a marathon
in the desert?

- Momma.
- What?

- Momma.
- You say Momma?

Did you say Momma?

- Did he just say Momma?
- He says it all the time.

He actually called our mailman
Momma the other day.

- But I mean.
- He does?

No, no, this is... he called
the fridge Momma.

- But...
- He thinks about me?

He thinks about you.

Honey, I can do this.

You're running the race?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

I can do this, okay.

You can do this.

You can do this, sweetie.

- Momma.
- Do it, Momma.

Momma, momma, momma!

Oh.

I've made so many mistakes.

Momma.

Momma.

And he's like "I put a bomb
in the finish line

of your race,
you better watch out."

And I was like,
"It's our 15th year.

How could you do that to us?"

And he's like "I don't care.

Yeah, I'm gonna bomb it."

♪ ♪

Um, attention everyone.

Attention.

Um, nobody panic

but we've received
a bomb threat.

It's probably a hoax.

But if it's not,
then it's a bomb.

(screaming)

The caller claimed
that the finish line

is where the bomb's
gonna go off.

But I'll believe it
when I see it.

(shouting)

The police are on their way.

Carry on.

(heavy breathing)

How are we going
to tell the runners?

Flare gun?

Smoke signals?

I'm really good with fire.

No one should finish
for another twenty minutes.

(clinking)

I lost my watch.

Twenty minutes is so soon.

Should we be this close?

You're fine, you're fine,
you're fine where you're at.

(sighing)

Life or death situation, huh.

You find out who you truly are.

♪ ♪

Boo.

Boo.

You don't need to...

- Are you okay, Ed?
- I'm fine, I'm just...

I don't know.

♪ ♪

(beeping)

♪ ♪

Is this still enough?

Yeah, I prefer it to be more out

so that you're presenting
to the winners.

Yes, exact... Yes.

Open, open arms.

Nobody wants to run
and hug and animal, okay.

- Am I hugging them?
- Yes.

You're gonna hug them.

They are winning,
this is their moment.

Just give them their moment,
Eric.

Good lord.

Hurry up!

(wind blowing)

Just start at the beginning.

Oh, well,
about fifteen years ago

I decided to start a marathon
here in town because

we don't... we kind of
have a lack of...

Let's jump forward just a bit.

Okay, at the seven year mark
we decided to...

No, jump forward to today.

Okay, yeah, I don't know,

about 20, 35 minutes ago
I received a phone call.

From this guy who was like,
"Oh, I will put a bomb

underneath your finish line,
I bombed it.

I placed it underneath your..."

He was French?

I don't know, he just had
a weird sort of voice to him.

And he was like, "Oh, I put... I
put, you know, bomb

underneath your... your
finish line."

Now he's Russian?

Could've been Franco-Russian,
something.

I'm not exactly sure.

(sobbing)

That guy Eric.

Look for a very,
very sad looking

misshapen individual.

And you think
he somehow is connected

to this bomb threat?

I... You know,
anything is possible.

But he's just been acting very...

just he's been
acting really stupid

and I'm just not sure
that he's really trustworthy.

All right.

What's your name?

- Ed Clap.
- Ed Clap.

It's one "P."

Last episode.

What?

Turn around!

There's a bomb!

- No, no, there's a bomb!
- No, stop!

There's a bomb!

♪ ♪

(shouting in slow-motion)

♪ ♪

Where's everybody at?

- I don't think it exploded.
- No.

Because this bush would be gone
if that blew up.

I can outrun anybody.

Until they caught me.

Just about five feet
from where they were.

Now were are the news vans?

Oh yeah, there's a bunch.

- I sent them the other way.
- Wait what?

Yeah, I'd figure you'd want
to keep this under wraps.

If word got out this
would be in all the papers.

No, okay... can you... can you call
them back?

- Where are... where...
- Oh, they're gone.

They're gone, they're long gone.

It was a publicity stunt?

White people.

(thudding)

(floor squeaking)

I have to uh, call my mom.

Hey, mom.

How much longer do you think
they're gonna be?

- The runners.
- That's the guy.

- That's Eric.
- I'll figure it out.

(vibrating)

(moaning)

(shouting)

(heavy breathing)

Ugh, ugh, I did it.

How does it feel?

Um.

Has anyone seen Ben?

he was having a lot of trouble

and I don't know if it was
between six and thirteen

or not so he could
still be out there.

But he... I left him.

I had to,
he told me to leave him.

Jenna!

Jenna!

But has anybody seen him?

Have you guys seen him?

Did he come through or?

I mean, he's not gonna...
it's gonna be a while.

He'll be a while.

Guys, there's nothing
going on here.

So.

We don't need to do this.

I had a... I had a clear goal.

I worked hard at it.

I worked toward it everyday.

I didn't delineate from my path.

I tried to be my best self.

I prayed that
it would come true.

I sacrificed for it.

I didn't give way
to distractions

or temptation
and I still fell far short.

Can we go eat now?

I've been on a plane all day.

My legs are killing me.

You guys are here?

(indistinct conversation)

You think we would miss this?

Are you kidding me.

Did you guys know this?

Did you know they were coming?

How you gonna... how you gonna
live, you know?

Without the...

What time is is?

Does anybody know the time?

♪ ♪

So yeah, I guess if I learned
anything from the Marathon

it's how to hate myself,

dreams don't come true,

life has no meaning,

and that uh,
people cannot be trusted.

No one can be trusted

even if you think
you can trust them.

All right, this is over.

Oh yeah and I learned
I hate documentaries.

I hate documentaries.

So you can, you know,
you can suck it.

You can all suck it.

You're just vultures
just praying on my misery.

So yeah, that's...
If you want to learn...

You want to know what
I learned from the marathon

it's that I hate myself,

dreams don't come true,

life has no meaning,

no one can be trusted

and documentaries...

suck.

They're a sadistic,
it's not even an art form.

You just... just like, oh,
I want to be a film maker

but I don't know what
to tell a story about.

Let me just shoot
a bunch of bullshit

and then somebody else
will cut it all together.

So yeah,
I think that's what I learned

from the marathon...
Stop filming me.

Oh and I learned that wood
is also a terrible crutch.

This is killing my armpit.

So yeah, you want to know what
I learned from the marathon

I guess I'd say it's that, uh,

it's that I hate myself,

that dreams don't come true,

life has no meaning,

no one can be trusted,

documentaries fucking blow

and a two by four
is a terrible thing

to use as a crutch.

Oh god, ugh.

Hey, are you getting
all your footage?

Ah, I'd hate for you
to help me or anything.

Hate for you to think of me
as another human being

who might need
a compassionate hug.

God as my witness,
I will never run again.

(heavy breathing)

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull